Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 31 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E
Another hash with a decent turnout. Do you think the idea of a costume run has anything to do with it. Hey, we hash every week. This one was hared by Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included. By Calvin Klein’s GPS, it was three miles. Of course, that including walking around and setting all of the Falses. Lets say, about 2.25. But I only went off on one Check. We did head south a block and our unicorn, Just Anna led us to a Check at the first street east of the El tracks . From here we headed over to Sheridan Rd. for another Check. Again the trail went straight, but this was just a short loop over to the path along the lake and right back to Sheridan Rd and back across it. We then headed north in an alley and over to Loyola campus for another Check. The pack guessed right and into the campus we went where we found another Check. But this was right out of the campus and across Sheridan Rd. We did go north another block to Albion and then straight to another Check at Glenwood. From here it was almost straight south and then east to the On In. And here we had the most exciting thing happen on trail. In honor of the on going World Series, Horn-E tried to slide into home, head first. On the sidewalk. That’s his story and he is sticking to it. But according to 10 K Tika Ho, following along here, she saw Willie Nelson jogging along the sidewalk and trip on some crack. He needs to stick to grass. But he did do a flat out belly flop on the sidewalk. And that damn black and blue big toe tells more about the story then the conflicting stories. Meanwhile R-Tard-E came in DFL. There were some good costumes and possibly the best was EZ On The Ass who didn’t even run. But dressed as something dead. He even had Horn-E avoiding him.
Calvin Klein ran the circle and we all had fun. We were introduced to Just Mike and Jingle Balls, a transplant from Philadelphia. Congratulations for being stretched out on a torture rack to Way To Much Jism. The torture rack was four 12.5 mile loops on the south lakefront for a total of fifty miles on Sat. in under ten hours. That is like 2 marathons in five hours each. WWWEEELLLLLL DDDOOONNNEEE.
And no, she didn’t run the hash. She had trouble even walking and standing in circle. Other hashers who just showed up and didn’t run included Just Abby, Just Rob, Ten Dix With Wings and Just Mo who was dressed as a Christmas tree. I still want to see those wrapped presents under the tree.
Other hashers on trail included Ginger Snatch who was dressed as a strawberry. Hmmmm, strawberrys and cream. Super Stuffer, Mouthful Of Meat, Just Mary, Bloody Thighs, Up Loader, Its Too Soft and Just Adam. We also have to call out Salty Gash for riding her pony in the circle, The KGB for dressing as a Doctor and again winning worst costume just beating out Horn-E, and Lifa as a mangy horny hound humping women’s legs everywhere.
Then finally we reconvened the circle at the urging of Horn-E and EZ On The Ass for a naming of Just Anna. They had a perfect name for her and after EZ On The Ass told the story, it was unanimous and her name will forever be known as Wizard Sleeves. She’ll have to show you why.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

This trail was a live hare by Glory Hole out of O’lannagans. Another small pack of only 11 hounds that included one visitor and one virgin. So, only nine regulars. We took off in a small loop and back through the park and off to the north. At this point Crop Duster and Horn-E were playing catchup and we did under the El tracks. Trail went north to Lawrence and Western for a Check and Cumma Slutra found trail to the west and down an alley. The pack followed and even our virgin, Just Steve, was keeping up. Every once in a while I would hear this chattering coming up behind me. It was Hump Me Dump Me and Sandy Syphilis yakking like two old ladies at a quilting bee. They kept this up all through the hash and beer stop and circle. We headed north and down an alley heading east. As I got there, hashers were coming back down the alley. Must have been a Back Check. I’m glad to see so many hares are finally starting to use the Back Check lately as it is a great equalizer on trail and really can regroup the pack and gives new hounds a chance to lead. As we looked, Just Mary spotted a Check to the north. Great. We’re back of trail no matter how we got there. Horn-E went west and found nothing. Suddenly trail was found to the north and he paralleled for a block, just in time to see Lifa coming towards him. Got lucky there. So he led to the west and then north as Lifa caught and passed him. At Foster there was a Triple Split. Lifa went north and I didn’t see him again until just before the beer stop. Off trail again. Horn-E went west and was On. He headed towards the river and parkland ahead and Crop Duster passed him to lead into the park. This led to a nasty hare trick of a little loop and Crop Duster caught it. He would have led us out of there but he was soon chasing some young mom with her baby in the park. She already had one. She doesn’t need any more crops dusted. Meanwhile Horn-E wandered into the park and got us back on trail, temporarily. After a Split, he was practically on the mark heading north when he headed south to Argyle and the bridge over the river. At this point, our visitor, the infamous DR. Gonads, heard an On call to the north. Well, Horn-E paralleled to the west, assuming they would go west on Foster. Right. And there was a Triple Split coming out of the park/ball field area. Checked south. Nothing. Checked back east, over the bridge on the south side of it. Nothing. Checked west. Nothing. Damn hare. Finally headed south down an alley and was on. The pack still wasn’t in sight. Followed this trail south a block and back into the park and out at Lawrence. Trail went over the bridge to the east and then over the fence and a leap down of about four feet. Of course, you could just walk a little east and the wall went down to a foot drop. But I heard our tough Ex-Marine, Cumma Slutra, climbed over the fence and whined about the four foot drop. Or was it only three feet. But meanwhile, Horn-E ran ahead and spotted Lifa coming from the other direction and he spotted a Check. The ever alert Lifa had actually ran right past the hare sitting on a bench waiting for the beer stop. Yep. it happened just like that.
Now we had a problem. The beer was in the hares car, parked right across from a waiting squad car. Oooops. While we discussed options, the cop suddenly had to leave his hiding place and we quickly ran for the beer and took it into the trees where there were some logs to sit on and we waited for the rest of the pack. All was good. And they stumbled on it, Corn Star, SnatchSquatch, Just Mary and the rest of them.
It was here we heard the story of our visitors celebrity. Dr. Gonads was the infamous hasher arrested and almost prosecuted for laying Anthrax, or terrorists substances in an Ikea parking lot several years ago. This was a big story and hashers donated several thousand dollars to his defense fund.
From here it was a long walk back to the bar where we were met by the usual and unusual groupies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Its Too Soft, and ‘musical note here, Ten Dix With Wings. Then Calvin Klein held a circle. Two good highlights, Our visitor sang several songs including one made up for his adventures with the State’s Attorney from the dark side. And when Batteries Not Included heard who he was, I thought she would either have a kitten or an orgasm, yelling ‘its you, its you, its really you’. Our visitor was introduced, Just Steve and he got several down downs. He is a journalism student at Northwestern and wants to write a story about the hash for school. Here we go again. Infamy or notoriety. Use hash names only, to protect the innocent and guilty.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 3 Oct, 2010 by Horn-E

Lifa and Its Too Soft were hares for this hash out of Its Too Soft’s place. We had 16 hounds on trail, Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included opted to stay behind and watch TV. Its Too Soft drove over to the beer stop. Lifa swept on a bicycle. Horn-E, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker led at the start and pretty much to the first Check on Sheffield and Wellington. Horn-E managed to find the trail to the west and at a quick Split he went the wrong way and the trail headed back south and then west. But we weaved through a few gangways and soon we had our first Back Check at the end of an alley. This regrouped us as we then ran to a Check at Lincoln. Trail from here went south and west and worked its way towards Ashland finally running south in an alley to a narrow passage between a fence and a wall. Horn-E managed to be the first to squeeze through here and it was a real squeeze. We than headed across Ashland and a block west we headed north. Here is were that old fart broke down. As many know, I’ve had a bad knee over the last several months. Although I had an elastic bandage around the knee, running this way finally started to bring out my old injury, a bad ankle. I quit here and the hare told me where the beer stop was. Bye.
This was a big loop from a block west of Ashland to just before the outer drive on Diversey. A damn long walk. I did meet Mouthful Of Meat along the way, but she wasn’t interested in joining me as I headed for the beer stop. Television at Its Too Soft’s was more important. At the beer stop I got in just after R-Tard-E and Fistful Of Pricks who I saw heading to the beer. Everyone was there except, I believe Just Brendan, our virgin, Mount Schwiiinga and Beer Spill Valdez. And he never made it. Something about coming to a Split on trail that no one solved for him. So after weeping by himself for about ten minutes, he returned to Its Too Soft’s place. More TV. And after the circle, Beer Spill Valdez lived up to his name. Thanks to small holes in the top of cans and the swift moves of Its Too Soft and a fistful of paper towels, it wasn’t to bad. I did hear one other story about the trail. Slippery Box also whined about an injury. A muscle cramp. So she also got a hint on the beer stop. Then suddenly the cramp disappeared and she was FRB. Hmm!!!
At the finish, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker immediately disappeared. Visitors, Tranny Cock Kicker and Cums At Sixty grabbed a quick bite to eat and also left, for a long ride back to Iowa.
Calvin Klein finally got away from the TV to get us on the roof for a looong cold circle. We did have a visitor, Just Theo who helped drive our new cumer Sandy Syphillis to Chicago. Welcome. Just Brendan was also introduced. Welcome. Who else ran. SnatchSquatch was back out, Salty Gash, Just Ryan. We had a long list of posers besides those mentioned, with Hoosier Daddy, Fall On My Wood, Cumma Slutra. and Just Do Me Slowly. That is seven who didn’t run. Hey, this is a hash. Cum and run with us.
After the circle we finally got to some of Its Too Soft’s food. Good.

On On
Horn-E