Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 3 Oct, 2010 by Horn-E

Lifa and Its Too Soft were hares for this hash out of Its Too Soft’s place. We had 16 hounds on trail, Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included opted to stay behind and watch TV. Its Too Soft drove over to the beer stop. Lifa swept on a bicycle. Horn-E, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker led at the start and pretty much to the first Check on Sheffield and Wellington. Horn-E managed to find the trail to the west and at a quick Split he went the wrong way and the trail headed back south and then west. But we weaved through a few gangways and soon we had our first Back Check at the end of an alley. This regrouped us as we then ran to a Check at Lincoln. Trail from here went south and west and worked its way towards Ashland finally running south in an alley to a narrow passage between a fence and a wall. Horn-E managed to be the first to squeeze through here and it was a real squeeze. We than headed across Ashland and a block west we headed north. Here is were that old fart broke down. As many know, I’ve had a bad knee over the last several months. Although I had an elastic bandage around the knee, running this way finally started to bring out my old injury, a bad ankle. I quit here and the hare told me where the beer stop was. Bye.
This was a big loop from a block west of Ashland to just before the outer drive on Diversey. A damn long walk. I did meet Mouthful Of Meat along the way, but she wasn’t interested in joining me as I headed for the beer stop. Television at Its Too Soft’s was more important. At the beer stop I got in just after R-Tard-E and Fistful Of Pricks who I saw heading to the beer. Everyone was there except, I believe Just Brendan, our virgin, Mount Schwiiinga and Beer Spill Valdez. And he never made it. Something about coming to a Split on trail that no one solved for him. So after weeping by himself for about ten minutes, he returned to Its Too Soft’s place. More TV. And after the circle, Beer Spill Valdez lived up to his name. Thanks to small holes in the top of cans and the swift moves of Its Too Soft and a fistful of paper towels, it wasn’t to bad. I did hear one other story about the trail. Slippery Box also whined about an injury. A muscle cramp. So she also got a hint on the beer stop. Then suddenly the cramp disappeared and she was FRB. Hmm!!!
At the finish, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker immediately disappeared. Visitors, Tranny Cock Kicker and Cums At Sixty grabbed a quick bite to eat and also left, for a long ride back to Iowa.
Calvin Klein finally got away from the TV to get us on the roof for a looong cold circle. We did have a visitor, Just Theo who helped drive our new cumer Sandy Syphillis to Chicago. Welcome. Just Brendan was also introduced. Welcome. Who else ran. SnatchSquatch was back out, Salty Gash, Just Ryan. We had a long list of posers besides those mentioned, with Hoosier Daddy, Fall On My Wood, Cumma Slutra. and Just Do Me Slowly. That is seven who didn’t run. Hey, this is a hash. Cum and run with us.
After the circle we finally got to some of Its Too Soft’s food. Good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 27 Sept, 2010 by Horn-E

We hashed out of Clarke’s and Slippery Box and Fall On My Wood were our hares. That left eight hounds at the start and one late comer Glory Hole whocaught the back of the pack at Wellington and Lincoln. We started out to the south with a mad dash through De Paul to a Check at Belden. This took a while to solve, but finally I heard Lifa calling On to the west and we ran on to Kenmore and then north to a Check at Jonquil Park at Lincoln and Wrightwood. By now we thought it was The Dark Kunt who led us here. But in Checking, Crop Duster was seen returning from the east and yelling that he already checked out everything east. Damn stealth FRBs. Horn-E then ran through the park to the north entrance and heard Lifa calling On to the west. and as he ran that way, he found marks that came from the east (?) and we all headed north on Seminary. Well, you get the idea, as we wound around all to familiar territory.
The marks were a little hard at times due to turns hidden around corners and in shadows. This almost led to a missed shot stop. Generally, marks should be easy between Checks and Splits so the runners can easily run without having to check around each and every corner. Along the way we missed one of these marks that apparently led across the street, from south side to north side. Having missed this turn, we ran on over a block before realizing we were off trail and there wasn’t any marks. If the lead runner was just a half block further he might have crossed the street and seen marks. These marks were after a shot stop. Some of us did walk back on trail before we crossed the street and Horn-E managed to see a turn into an alley. This was a quick loop down the alley to the shot stop and back to the same street. It could have easily been missed. Point: Don’t make you turns hard to see. You yourself would get pissed if you missed turns and especially a shot stop, and you wouldn’t be happy if you sat at a shot stop that no one found.
After the shot stop we were back on and up to Diversey. Here we had another Check that split up the pack. Several were off to the west. Someone went north and found a turn to the west and eventually On. But that person didn’t return to the corner to call out to the waiting pack, that left four Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly, Corn Star and Just Ryan standing there. We finally headed north when Horn-E noted that someone disappeared up that way. This almost permanently split the pack. We followed trail north to Wellington and Lincoln and another Check. This was marked and we headed west only to find the FRBs returning from a False. Back at the Check, we restarted checking. Horn-E went north with Just Ryan and found only one mark. Vote For Pedro did the same west and northwest. Upon returning, the pack was gone and no marks. About now we were joined by Glory Hole who came north on Lincoln. That left only one other way out and we headed south on the other side of Lincoln and found trail in an alley. Glory Hole left us behind. Damn fast SOB. Vote For Pedro was off on a parallel. Somehow Just Ryan and Horn-E were left alone in back and we hit a Check at Sheffield. Horn-E found trail to the east and went back for Just Ryan. It was only his second trail and we don’t want to lose newbies. Then we went to a Split at Diversey. Suddenly, Glory Hole and Vote For Pedro came up behind us. How we got ahead of them is beyond me, but I need to learn how to do that. From here we headed east and then south and finally to a Beer Stop in a little park on Wrightwood.
While we were drinking beer, and being noisy hashers, Vote for Pedro told us how a couple of old farts were on their porch bitching at him for running through a “QUIET” neighborhood. Fugem. But the more interesting part of the beer stop was Glory Hole and Crop Duster mounting The Dark Kunt in the dark. Just Do Me Slowly was blushing so much she lit up the area and they had to stop. Damn. Just when she was starting to squeal. So we finished our beer and went on to Clarke’s .
Back at the bar we found the usual late cumer, Its Too Soft and Way To Much Jism who quickly joined our pack. We gathered in the back and got into a lively circle led by Lifa. We were there to hash and circle and drink and the blaring TVs were virtually ignored. Yeah!!! After circle we drank more beer and ate and all was good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 20 Sept, 2010 by Horn-E

We ran from the Pitch on Clybourn. Hared by our own Hoosier Daddy, and a transplant, Way To Much Jism from Waukesha. And they don’t want to let her go. Three Waukesha hashers came all the way down to run her hash, cheer her on, and trash her in the circle. I can’t tell you anything about how the rest of the hash ran that trail as I didn’t see anyone on trail. I arrived during the circle and still had to change clothes. The pack ran off towards Southport and then south. Way To Much Jism told me that Hoosier Daddy would sweep. I ran into the bar and changed clothes and came out in pursuit. The first mark I saw was a straight line with two lines through it made with flour. Was this supposed to be true trail marks on a line instead of an arrow or a sloppy False. I tried False and went back only to find a flour circle. Was that a Check? And it wasn’t marked by the sweep. Nothing was throughout the whole trail. Isn’t that the purpose of the sweep, to mark the trail for anyone who falls way behind. Was this supposed to be a Check? Let’s assume so. I headed west and no marks. Cross the street and found one mark. The second mark looked like a Split, only coming from the other way. (?) I checked out all ways anyhow and found nothing. I next went back to that False/True Trail (?) mark and checked out the area. Nothing. So I headed north on Clybourn. One mark and nothing else. Next I headed over to Southport and found a mark heading north. This was on and it was now 8:00. No hope of ever catching the pack. Not even at a beer stop. I got lucky at the next unmarked Check at Fullerton and went right. and the next Split, right. This led to a gangway and no marks at the other end. (?) But I soon found it and now realized that every mark meant I had to check each intersection, whether there was a Split or not. I now found a Triple split and one direction looked like it was marked. It was true trail and this led to Wrightwood Park and another Split. Both directions apparently were On with one just running around a circle and into the other. (?) I found the exit from the park and there was a well lit, big white line pointing west. Yeah sure. Nothing anywhere. Upon returning, I noticed that it wasn’t a well lit, line pointing east, but a Split and the west portion was completely hidden in shadows. I ran ON to Ashland and another unmarked Check. West got me nowhere. South got me somewhere. Heading back to the bar. There was no way I was going to go on. I would have been out until 10:00 on that trail.
Back at the bar, the pack arrived about fifteen minutes later. They echoed my sentiments about the marks and told me that the hares were mostly up front helping the FRBs find trail instead of in back marking Checks and Splits. At least some of them. But the beer started to flow and at $5 PBR, all was good. R-Tard-E and Vote For Pedro tag teamed as RAs and got us through the circle. Somehow. We were introduced to our Virgin, Just Ryan. And he wanted more beer to chug. Good. Then we were introduced to the visitors from Waukesha, Bubbles, Saxamabone, and Just Cindy. And no, that was not Horn-E and Bubbles licking Just Cindy’s tits. The pictures all lie. We also met Just Keela (sp) who was there taking pictures for (?). There were two other visitors, Vote for Pedro from Texas and Bonor Malfunction former Chicago area hasher, now in Jacksonville or (?). After we finished the circle, we all settled into doing what hashers don’t need practice for, drinking the endless supply of beer. We had two non running hashers in Its Too Soft and EZ On The Ass who bought a pitcher of good beer. Thanks EZ. The hashers on trail, not already mentioned included Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, Flying Hooters, Corn Star, Ginger Snatch, Just Cindy, Just Mo, Just Amanda, and Chippendale

On On
Horn-E