Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1511 @ Farragut’s
Hash Trash: 9/31/07
Hares: Just Tom, Anal Assault
Venue: Farragut’s 5200 N. Clark $4.50 PITCHERS!!!!!!

Fujirazzi pix here. Also check out some pix from our transplant from Indyscent, Moan on Trail here.

VIRGINS: Just Patrick, Just Raphael, Just Ryan
VISITORS: Moan On Trail, Just Pat
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Chris, Just Patrick, Just Joseph, Just Katherine, Salted Gash, Its too Soft, MudSucker, Cobwebs in the Bush, Likes it on the Bottom, Just Brian, Dickin Cider, Just John, Just Mark, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Stump Humper, Just Steven, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Melissa, Flying Hooters, Mouthful of Meat, Two Tickets to a Pair Thighs, Just Lauren, Boner Malfunction, Smell This, Lochness Cockster, Just Amanda, Just Jenn, Lower Whackoff, Sex Luthor, Just Mandy, Just Allen
VIRGINS= 3
TOTAL HASHERS= 40

The Chicago Hash invented the date 9/31/07 so that we would still hash this past week otherwise there would have been a hash layover of 13 days until hashers could recharge with beer and this just won�t do!!! The Hares did find us a bar that actually served pitchers, a great concept, and they cost $4.50 each. It has been a long time since I have seen pitchers this cheap in CHICAGO so nice job JUST TOM and ANAL ASSAULT. This was the last hash on Monday night until May 2008 and we had a very successful season with the CH3 averaging well over 35 hashers per hash. Thanks again goes out to the people who ran the Memorial Day Hash which kicked off the Summer and the 1500 hash which solidified the Summer hashing season. Thanks always goes out to those that volunteer their time and talents to hare or run the hash. We will be moving the hash to Sundays for the remainder of the fall and winter unless we have a special event.

JUST TOM took off early with JUST JENN to check the marks so ANAL ASSAULT was forced to give the chalk talk. It was very interesting chalk talk and unique to have to find 3 marks after a split but mixing things up once in awhile can be a good thing. The hash received their instructions and was off. Kudos goes out to LOCHNESS COCKSTER and SEX LUTHOR for allowing the use of their chariots for hash bags and clothes. The pack went through a garage and came out in an alley with a split. CALVIN and I went left and we were not right. I believe JUST JOHN had found trail the other way. We crossed thru several alleys and made a right to traverse Clark Street again. This happened after the main pack was forced to do a circle jerk and the back of the pack became the front. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED was now our FBI and scouted trail east to another alley. JUST AMANDA was high stepping it thru the puddles in the alley reliving her younger days when she played in those puddles.

The trail came out on Foster Avenue and TWO TICKETS came to a check on Foster where she went straight and I went north. I went the wrong way but wound up running into the ranging HORN-E. He would soon find out that short cutting and ranging today was not a good idea because he never did find the beer stop. DICKIN CIDER found the trail cutting across Broadway and led us to the shores of Lake Michigan. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT by this time had had picked up the Guam hasher, JUST PATRICK? He has consented to cum out and see us again. Along the lakefront I ran with JUST STEVEN and SEX LUTHOR and caught up with STUMP HUMPER for a while, and LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM soon joined us. The trail kept going north along Sheridan Ave. and passed under the Granville red line stop. MOAN ON TRAIL with her buddy COBWEBS in the BUSH kept complaining about the length of the trail, but �Its not how long it is but how you run it?� JUST TOM did a nice job sweeping the trail laying marks for people

to follow. The pack eventual made its way to the beer stop. JUST ALLEN and I discussed a future dress arrangement we will have for POP or the Halloween hash. FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TIKS tried to seduce me into going to a wine tasting party on Wednesday night during the CUBS game but that didn�t work. JUST JOHN was the last one in but he at least made it unlike veteran hashers CALVIN, BATTERIES, and HORN-E. All of the newbie�s made it what happened to you folks? The pack soon had its fill of beer and water, and started to move on to the bar.

Back at the bar we found our missing hashers and began to drink numerous amounts of $4.50 pitchers. BONER, MUD SUCKER, SMELL THIS, ITS TOO SOFT, SALTED GASH, and JUST LAUREN made it to the on-in as well. DAMN wankers didn�t run this TWO TICKETS trail. CALVIN ran the circle and we welcomed MOAN ON TRAIL to the Chicago Hash. We also gave her back her lost floppy hat she forgot at 1500. Personally I will like having her here not because she�s cute but because now CALVIN will have to drink every time she does down-down because when one RA drinks all RA�s drink!!! The Virgins JUST PATRICK, JUST RAPHAEL, and JUST RYAN got their down-downs. The FRB was JUST JOHN for his impersonation of Jesse Owens. The hares were pounded repeatedly for the trail but again they made up for it by providing us with � price pizza�s nice job hares!! The ladies of POP have now cleared well over 40 hashers showing up for the OCT. 13 hash with a prelube set for OCT. 12 at the Wrightwood Tap!!!

Nice going girls!!! LOWER WHCKOFF dazzled us with his tie t-shirt and JUST STEVEN was wearing his SUPERHERO underroos?? JUST AMANDA played the part of a quiet lawyer?? I thought lawyers always had something to say? JUST PATRICK was in heaven because the bar was 2 blocks from home, so there was no need for him to ride his bike drunk home today!! CALVIN kept the circle going and punished those people who were grazing on the pizza when the circle was still running, but soon the circle grew tired and hungry so hash religion was sung and the pack got their pizza and all were happy accept for some guy in the bar complaining that we were too VULGAR!!! F*** him!! After the circle closed we finally got around to naming JUST CHRIS. Davey Crochet had suggested PAYS for PIE last week because he was buying numerous pizzas for the hash. Other suggestions were the usually shitty names but we will now know JUST CHRIS as �The ONE HANDED TYPIST�. I hope to see you this SUNDAY

for the hash. It will be the last one for SMELL THIS in Chicago for a while and we should have some visitors in for the Marathon. Remember to sign up for POP Oct. 13!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1510 @ Big Joe’s
Hash Trash: 9/24/07
Hares: Virgin Banger & Ez on the Ass
Venue: Joe�s Bar

VIRGINS: Just John, Just Mandy, Just Amanda, Just Marc, Just Dusty
VISITORS: Davey Crochet (Pinelake), Flavio (San Diego)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Stupid Man, Bloody Thighs, Just Chris, Just Jenn, Rotten Whore, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Virtually Hung, Just Patrick, Just Joseph, Cums in My Assfault, Or-G, Anal Assault, Just Tom, Just Marc, Asspocket, Ernest Cummingway, Just Molly, Just Katherine, Salted Gash, Its too Soft, Packher Arse, MudSucker, Spotted Cock, Renta Virgin, Just Mark, Man A Whore, 69-Cent Man,
VIRGINS= 5
TOTAL HASHERS= 38

This hash was billed as a birthday hash for EZ, VIRGIN BANGER, and STUMP HUMPER. 38 hashers showed up for this birthday hash. The venue was set as the turtle racing capital of the world, Joe�s on Foster. STUPID MAN was the first to arrive and he talked about his two high school boys that play football. I have never seen them play but they are supposed to be top players in the state. One is a quarterback and one a wide out. I would love to one day hear the call STUPID MAN JR. to STUPID MAN JR. for a touchdown. More hashers began to arrive and Chicago welcomed FLAVIO and JUST DUSTY in from San Diego via Lambeau where their beloved Chargers lost to the Packers over the weekend. Who said hashers don�t watch football? We also welcomed 4 virgins that showed up early to run with us JUST JOHN, MARC, MANDY, and AMANDA.

The hash began around 7:30 pm with a chalk talk from the hares and the pack was off. VIRTUALLY HUNG was the early pace setter down an alley followed closely by old man HORN-E. The trail wound its way towards Lawrence but not before the pack went through a park and climbed over a fence. JUST MARC was really getting the hang of the hash because he was the FRB tonight. 69-CENT MAN with his reconstructed knees kept plodding along. The trail went through the usually hospital area where JUST KATHERINE spotted trail come through the large parking lot and called the pack to follow. It was in this area where the unfortunate JUST MANDY lost her car key? Virtually Hung again found himself up front with ROTTEN WHORE and they worked their way through Welles Park, and on under to the el-train. All along the trail MOUNT ME PUH�LZEE�s cranium reflect the full moon that was out in force throughout the night. The pack found the trail making its way to casa de VIRGIN BANGER where the pack was met by a short cutting STUPID MAN and the beautiful RENTA VIRGIN. Heinekens for all!!! The Pack enjoyed the friendly confines of the VIRGINS backyard. OR-G, JUST PATRICK, JUST JOE, and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT all sat back and popped a beer.

The pack stayed for 20 minutes plus at the beer stop and then went back to the bar. VIRTUALLY HUNG ran the circle and punished STUPID MAN for being the FRB. JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE were the FBI�s. The GM even remembered to give ASSPOCKET her lanyard and whistle she rightly deserved, of course the birthday people got their birthday down down too.

Back at the bar we also ran into ITS TOO SOFT and his small harem of PACKhER ARSE and SALTED GASH. They were the NRB�s along with DAVEY CORCHET and MUDSUCKER who showed up late. Even the MAN O WHORE rolled in drunk and disorderly. ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM acknowledge they are setting trail next week at 5200 N. Clark. It was too bad that BLOODY THIGHS had to leave early because I don�t think she got a down down. It was also different to see JUST JENN out with out the big MOLDY MAN SACK she carries around. It was nice to see about 40 hashers stuffing their collective faces with B-day cake brought by RENTA VIRGIN. The circle ended and the hashers went on their way. Hope to see all of you next week at the virgin trail of ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1509 @ Relax Sports Bar
Hash Trash: 9/17/07
Hares: Too Much Head & Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Relax Sports Bar

VIRGINS: Just Ciara, Just Aaron, Just Gina
HASHERS: Just Chris, Horn-e, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Its too Soft, Calvin Klein, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Just Julie, Just Allen, Smell This, Virgin Banger, At Your Cervix, 69-cent Man, Mouthful of Meat, Org-E, Just Peter, Just Corinne, Rhotan, I�m Late Again, Assflack,
Virgins= 3
Total Hashers= 30

The Hare TOO MUCH HEAD was so well prepared for this trail she had a google map with the trail outlined and a beer stop already planned. Future hares should take note that scouting your trail before hand like TOO MUCH HEAD did can be a good thing. She even talked to Ray the owner of the bar and explained our need for singing and $5 pitchers which helped the night run well.

Overall you have to say that TOO MUCH HEAD did everything a hare needed to do. The pack formed outside of the bar around 7:30 pm and I gave the chalk talk for the benefit of our 3 virgins and relatively new hashers. The talk was short and the pack was off. The trail was picked up by VIRTUALLY HUNG and CALVIN KLEIN going north but is soon doubled back towards a familiar Polish-Catholic Church in the neighborhood. A check was laid in its parking lot with true trail again doubling back on itself. I believe JUST MOLLY or JUST JULIE found the trail going west which soon cut through the only alley in Chicago. The HEAD trail went south and crossed Diversey. The pack ran into a check and one of the littlest dogs every seen on trail here. HORN-E went east and JUST KATHERINE west with numerous others running south. The pack was stumped and HORN-E came running back thinking he was on the false trail but he finally figured out that he had the true trail called ON-ON!!! The pack wound its way back to the east where MUDSUCKER became confused by the split in the park and many ladies like JUST CIARA and JUST JULIE got drinks of water or used the bathroom. JUST CORINNE looked like she found true trail going towards Wrightwood and the pack was smiling again. They soon were frowning though when they came to the next check and VIRGIN BANGER and RHOTAN called on-on leading the pack on a long false trail. The pack rejoined the hare, CHICKEN STIFFER, at the check and found true trail quickly. The pack with ORG-E leading ran into the short back check that ran into a dead end before they came out to the Logan Boulevard Circle and monument. Here ORG-E called on-on but didn�t realize that he had missed the check and was really on a false trail. JUST MOLLY found true trail running south and called for JUST CHRIS to join her in the search for more marks. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT was accidentally spat on by a spitting RHOTAN who was trying to clear his nasal passages. CALVIN was somewhere lost out on trail and eventual ran backwards on marks to find the beer stop. The pack was closing in on the beer and needed a little more help from some rangers to find true trail crossing back across Logan to the north. AT YOUR CERVIX kicked it into high gear when she detected the faint smell of barley and hops wafting through the air. The pack ran back towards Diversey and one of virgins, JUST GINA, seemed to be stripping on trail?? ITS TOO SOFT refused to jump the short fence to the beer stop complaining; � I DO NOT HOP OVER THINGS WHEN I CAN�T SEE THE LANDING ZONE!!!� SMELL THIS and TOO MUCH HEAD had set up the beer stop behind some storefronts and we waved numerous times to the neighbor who kept popping his cranium out the window to see what the hell was going on!! The pack devoured the two cases of beer and meandered back the bar.

CALVIN ran the circle and it is comical to see people try to interrupt him week after week, it doesn�t work he just does the RA job too well for the hash to faze him. We were soon giving down-downs to the HARES. The virgins JUST CIARA, JUST AARON, and JUST GINA were taught how to perform a correct down-down by MUDSUCKER. CALVIN brought 69-cent man into the circle for setting of the metal detector, and VIRTUALLY HUNG was named the FRB. I�M LATE AGAIN showed up fashionably late and even later was ASSFLACK who decided to join the CH3 party. JUST PETER and JUST JULIE drank for being reboots and the circle continued. After 20 minutes of accusations CALVIN had the circle singing swing low and the circle closed. Most of us watched the CUBS come back against the REDS this night scoring three runs in the bottom of the ninth for a victory, and ITS TOO SOFT cried over his losing Eagles. Overall the trail was an excellent effort by the Virgin Hare TOO MUCH HEAD and we hope she
volunteers to hare in the near future.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM