Chicago Hash House Harriers

Hash Trash: 2/24/08
Hares: Peterbilt
Venue: Nick’s Bar

VIRGINS: Just Charlie, Just Tara
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Stab’em and Slab’em, Bloody Thighs, Frosted Discharge, Just Steve, Mount Me Puh’lzee, KGB, Locheness Cockster, Two Tickets too a Pair Thighs, coffee, Tea, or me, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mud Sucker, Baby Coffee
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 31.5

This hash was billed as the PETERBILT 30th Anniversary of Hashing of Feb. 24, 2008. Peterbilt gets much thanks for this hash because afterwards you could only hear the gently movement of hashers jaws gnawing on a fine buffet feast provided by PB of the CH3 hash. PB showed up about 20 minutes late but this seemed to work for HORN-E because he also arrived late to the hash today or if you look at it from another way he arrived right on time.

PB ran his quick circle and gave our virgins some quick hints on how to follow trail maybe JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA got it but we soon would find out on trail. The trail ran quickly across the railroad tracks and MILK MY YAK, COFFEE, TEA, or ME, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS who were pushing baby COFFEE in her buggy followed the pack. The pack was soon lost after a check in a park. VIRTUALLY HUNG went east and TWO TICKETS ranged southwest, but finally MUDSUCKER found the true trail cumming back on itself. The trail ran along the tracks from there and then went south.

It looked like JUST PAT was up front today splashing through puddles and slipping on the ice to get there. WRAPPER SNATCHER looks like she is finally getting used to the cold weather we have here in Chicago or maybe she was just happy that the weather was sunny and 45 degrees today. After a back check the GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER found true trail again going east. The pack again came to another one PB’s fifty checks on trail and very soon we had two harriers calling ON ON so I stopped the pack and told them to wait until one of them found the false trail mark which JUST BRIAN did. LIFA this time made the correct choice and was on along with JUST ROB who was in tow. Next, guess what the pack found on trail another check!!

This time the VIRTUALLY HUNG and I found trail crossing back over the train tracks and going NW. VIRTUALLY HUNG was even smart enough to bypass a blatant back check nice going young man. The trail ran into PARK RIDGE and the famous PICK WICK theatre area. Here the trail went down Dempster and then north to what was supposedly a BN sign but it took BLOODY THIGHS and STAB’EM and SLAB’EM, the brains or the outfit, to notice it really was B 11 or back check eleven. We picked up trail again and seemed to be moving back towards the bar. JUST PAT found true trail going along the tracks and we were back at the bar but not before we ran into JUST STEF and JUST I LEAN walking down the trail.

Back at the bar everyone was antsy to get the circle rolling and eat PB’s food and nuts. MUDSUCKER was seen hovering around the food all circle long. CALVIN called him into the circle for that. TWO TICKETS and VIRTUALLY HUNG were our FRB’s today for finding most of the trail. ITS TOO SOFT got his down-down for saying hash ball was MARCH 10th on the hareline. KGB and FROSTED DISCHARGE were naturally called in for missing in action over 2 months.

SALTY GASH and PACKHER ASS along with BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED were constantly giggling and talking in the corner of the bar. So they had to drink. CALVIN introduced our virgins JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA to the hash and informed them what a down-down was. JUST STEVE, one of our newer hashers better buy some hash attire soon or he will be called out for no hash attire. All through the circle PB kept us a countdown until the food was ready. We heard 28.3 minutes, quarter of an hour, and then finally the food was ready so

CALVIN quickly sang swing low and the circle was closed. The next 30 minutes saw unbridled gnawing on food by the hash until no one could eat anymore. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK AT THE HASH BALL

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 2/17/08
Hares: Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
Venue: Kelly�s Pub

VIRGINS: Just Steve
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, R-Tard-E, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Ez on the Ass, Just Tom, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Mount Schwiiinga, Flying Hooters, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Rotten Whore, Peterbilt, Just I LEAN, Are they Real,
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 29

Those of you who missed the hash on Sunday missed 50-degree weather and very little rain. CALVIN and BATTERIES laid a live trail due to the possible rain showers, which never really materialized. The hash started from the fine Kelly�s Pub at 2:30 pm I explained the hash marks to our virgins and JUST STEVE seemed to understand the marks. After the quick explanation the hash was off. The trail went west and EZ ON THE ASS was finding and jumping into every puddle on trail. JUST I LEAN also was having fun on trail playing monkey boy. He was climbing up and over every fence and pole he could find. It was cute to see R-TARD- E and JUST STEF arm in arm walking the trail. Maybe we have a new hash couple? VIRTUALLY HUNG was the outright FRB today with ITS TOO SOFT snapping pictures to prove it. We welcomed back the WRAPPER SNATCHER who has made Chicago her home. PACKhER ARSE also came out to run today and she seemed to be finding trail easily today. The trail ran by
the 2122 N. Clark address where the Valentines Day Massacre occurred and eventually wound up at O-Malleys for the beer stop.
JUST TOM at the beer stop seemed to help EZ get the bartenders phone number she must have been blind. The pack was soon out of the bar and back at Kelly�s Pub where they ran into ROTTEN WHORE, PETERBILT, MILK MY YAK, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS. CALVIN soon got the circle going and called MOUNT SCHWIIIGA into the circle for wearing pink boots!! The Hash welcomed JUST STEVE into the CH3 family as well today. Hopefully we will see him back next week. CUMMA SLUTCHA was called into the circle for her constant chatter along with WRAPPER SNATCHER whose teeth were chattering from the cold. HORN-E was back in the corner with a hidden stash of beer along with SLUTCHA. CALVIN took mercy on us and ran a shorter than usual circle because we were outside and it was a little chilly out. We got back into the bar and got warm watching the Daytona 500. Soon the circle was reconvened and we had a naming to take care of. Several older hashers got together up front and discussed JUST
MOLLY�s name. Eventually ROTTEN WHORE suggested GIDDY UP and now we have a name for JUST MOLLY. Welcome to the hash GIDDY-UP!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

VIRGINS:

VISITORS: 3 Ring Cervix, Token Sucker, Port a Pussy

HASHERS- Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, R-Tard-E, Uploader, Just Rob, Just Tyrone, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Lifa, Magnetic Muff, Just Seri, Wrapper Snatcher
VIRGINS= 0
VISTORS=3
TOTAL HASHERS= 21

Today the GM had a snow day so I took care of some business downtown, and on the El I ran into HOT PANTS. He seems to be doing well and hopefully will be at the hash on Thursday. This past Sunday we saw JUST I LEAN and JUST STEPHANIE on her 2nd hash actually hare. The trail was tough to lay due to the very wet conditions and heavy foot traffic. Even the colored marks were being removed by the heavy foot traffic but the pack prevailed and found the beer stop.

3 RING CERVIX was near the front of the trail most of the time and many of the male hashers liked to watch that hot assed harrierette up there. LIFA seemed to play the part of the good wise old father guiding the pack towards its destination. UPLOADER ran like this shit was nothing due to the fact he has seen more snow in the past year then we have for the last four, damn Madison transplant. 3 RING CERVIX was all worried like an expectant mom when her two little babies on trail TOKEN SUCKER and WRAPPER SNATCHER didn’t make it to the beer stop on time.

It seems that JUST TYRONE had to use his GPS navigation system to find the beer!! The trail seriously was wet and good, and people with small brain cells like JUST ROB and HORN-E ran it in their shorts? Not only were they cold but also their legs must have been soaked? Overall we had a great time out there with all hashers accounted for and then we made it back to the bar and eventual ITS TOO SOFTS place to watch the SUPER BOWL with 98 million of our closet friends, and who said football is dumb? WE did make it back to the bar and TJ the owner of the bar had $5 pitchers waiting for us. CALVIN and BATTERIES were too tired to run after playing kickball in the morning with 10 other hashers?!?!?!

When we got back to the bar CALVIN did his thing in the circle and called out those non-running people like PUSSY PATROL and JUST SERI for their laziness. WE also had a small titty war between BATTRIES and our visitors from SAN DIEGO. SUPER STUFFER was the only one who voted this night, don’t worry folks you will have your chance next week to vote.

WE also had 10 people sign up for the Hash Ball so get your money in before the price goes up this weekend. MAGNETIC MUFF for some reason never got the nerve to do a naked run today although I’m sure she would have found some takers? Mercifully CALVIN ended the circle so the hash could retire to the PARTY CENTRAL to watch the game.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

__________________________

Hash Trash: 1/27/08
Hares: Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joes on Weed

VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Stepanie, Just Taraneh
VISITORS:
HASHER- Just Rob, Just I LEAN, R-Tard-E, Super Stuffer, Chicken Stiffer, Dykey Old Hooker, Batteries not included, Mouthful of Meat, Mount Me Please, Just Balz, Horn-e, Frosted Discharge, Just Saud, Chip-n-dale, Its Too Soft, PackHer Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, KGB, Just Tyrone, Virgin Banger, Peterbilt, Just Jenn, Just Luke
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 28

The Birthday hash commenced on a fine spring day of 45-degrees? CALVIN KLEIN and JUST ROB explained the marks to our new virgins JUST STEPANIE, JUST TARANEH, and JUST ROB. The pack was in for a longer hash then usually even though CALVIN was hung over from the shots VIRGIN BANGER bought for him the night before. We welcomed back DYKEY OLD HOOKER from Florida and I hear that she is making Chicago a more permanent home, which is excellent news for the Chicago Hash. The chalk talk was over and the hash was off. JUST I LEAN and I went left on Kingsbury but the trail went right and I believe SUPER STUFFER was on. The trail wound around Old Navy and crossed North Avenue. JUST TYRONE stepped out into traffic playing the traffic cop for us and holding back the traffic.

R-TARD-E kept the virgins company at the end of the trail while the middle of the pack-running north Down Kingsbury was made of MOUTHFUL OF MEAT and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. JUST ROB II found trail going west on Armitage and the pack was soon across the river. The pack got to a check and I went left and CHIP-N-DALE followed me, why I do not know because I was not on because true trail cut right. BALZ was near the front of the pack at this time as well. The trail soon passed an accident at Armitage and Ashland so MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE felt compelled to play traffic cop and hand out tickets to the offender. CHIP-N-DALE and I were off after a check with JUST ROB in tow. JUST ROB and I found a check on Milwaukee Ave. He went west and I took off south down Milwaukee Ave. I found the marks near division and was off on trail. The trail crossed back over the river at Division and we were back to the bar.

Calvin soon had the circle going and had to punish himself and JUST ROB for a shitty trail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RA punish themselves before. JUST ROB II was called in for the whitest legs at the hash but JUST TYRONE thought he had ROB beat. JUST SAUD, MOUNT ME, FROSTED DISCHARGE and KGB were our reboots and we do miss our missing in action hashers.

PETERBILT brought his roasted nuts and sat down for a cold one. PACKHER ASS got a chivalry down down for saving the GM’s faux pas for wearing his shirt inside out. ITS TOO SOFT drank all the beer as usual and shot a wad of film. SUPER STUFFER feigned sickness and had his woman drink his down-down for him. What a whimp! JUST BALZ decided to drink a full pitcher down-down; maybe we will call him “no suck all swallow”. MOUNT SCHWIINGA was unusually quiet today but our haberdashery artist was there along with our t-shirt God VIRGIN BANGER. Eventually CALVIN closed the circle and people went on their way.

A few hashers stayed behind like JUST JENN to talk and drink. We got to talking about the song “Jenny I’ve got your number”, and she informed us that she sometimes gave out the number 867-5309 as her own to unwanted guys at bars. The GM picked up on this along with the RA and HARERAZRS so we have now named JUST JENNY, 867-5309. See you next week and check out the hash counts on line for 2007.

HASH COUNTS

Hash attendance

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM