Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1568.5

HASH TRASH
Oct. 19, 2008 CH3 #1568.5 @ Casa de W’all Bangher

HARES: W’all Bangher, It’s Too Soft, Snatchsquatch, Just Ira
VIRGINS: Just Keith
VISITORS: Just Tom (Guam), Tiny Tim (Maui), Lickty Slit, Mr. Ed, Mrs. Ed, Just Heidi, Just Amy, Just Beth (MH3),
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Horn-e, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Are they Real, More Tail, Mount Schwiiinga, Magnetic Muff, Mouthful of Meat, R-Tard-E, Just Taylor, Bloody Thighs, Sir Poops A Lot, Poulty F*cker, Lifa,

TOTAL HASHERS – 29

Every now and then the weather gods (good fortune) smile upon us and this past Sunday was exactly the case as we had great weather for the other hashes I co-hared (CH3 #1542 SkyDeck Opening Day in April, CH3 #1550 / 30th Anniversary in June, CH3 JV#2 Taste of Lincoln Ave in July, CH3 #1562 Labor Day) and now CH3 #1568.99 Hashtoberfest!! Despite running in a similar area, the mantra of the day was not to repeat the trail of Chicago’s September Saturday/JV hash just a few short weeks earlier.

Following the Prime Directive we started somewhere different from the get-go, so instead of Poitin Stil we went further South into the hinterlands to another totally new venue called Morseland just West of Sheridan on Morse as the pack gathered to watch the back end of shootout (when’s the last time you saw a 48-41 score in an NFL Football game??) between da Bears and their NFC North rival Vikings. Fittingly we had the largest visitor turnout to a CH3 non-major event hash in recent memory mostly from Minneapolis rooting for their Vikes!!! Double fortunately ultimately da Bears prevailed so we didn’t have to listen to their smack talk all night.

After newly-minted Thirstday RA Snatchsquatch led the chalk talk the pack headed straight East to one of what would be the first of several crossings of Sheridan to Loyola Park where a particularly subtlely marked check (the first mark was camouflaged by the artwork on the concrete bench) kept the pack confused for quite some time and was particularly punishing on any rangers as Horn-E headed South to Loyola, Calvin headed West to the L and Chicken Stiffer followed two false marks out onto the breakwater pier (did he really expect to find a third mark leading to the middle of Lake Michigan?).

The pack eventually found the trail and promptly ran like someone being chased by an F5 Tornado (whatever happened to noncompetitive hashing?) through the ziz-zag trail which eventually crossed Sheridan two more times, leading to a two block tour of the “Rogers Park French Riviera” also know as “Jarvis Beach” followed by a more or less direct run West to the Howard L station where W’all Bangher and Just Ira were waiting with multiple salvos of Jell-O shots in the self storage facility under the L. Once again she had way more shots than necessary as I think I had five! The pack then staggered North to Calvary Cemetery for a more or less straight West to East romp (after the last time where we zig-zagged several light years all over Hell & Creation through this half mile-wide cemetery) to Clark Square Park in Evanston where our co-hares had nice imported beer for stop #2 and we had a great photo opp of several hashers enjoying with their fancy import beers in front of the “No Alcoholic Beverages Permitted” sign.

After one or more hearty brews the pack headed South back to W’all Bangher’s wonderful casa right on the lakefront for some great food and a classic circle led by Jedi-Master RA Calvin Klein. Unlike most Sunday afternoon hashes, the post-circle partyage continued well into the evening, with much singing of hash songs and we even had to bust out the tiki torches to continue the party as daylight had long since departed. The hash finally ending when the keg was killed and the last beer consumed and locals and visitors alike left in good spirits.

Mad Props to W’all Bangher for not only opening up her fine casa to the hash (yes there are other goofballs out there too like me who don’t mind their places getting overrun by hashers!) and all the fine work she put into it, Snatchsquatch for helping me set the “Southern” part of the trail and finally Just Ira for her help setting the “Northern” part of the trail and beer/shot stop logistics. Too bad she only has a few weeks left on her six-month assignment in the US as she’s been flying below the radar heretofore, but after a breakout performance at 1568.99 could be one of the most promising rookies of the Class of 2008. Our loss is Germany’s gain.

This coming week the proven comedy team of Bloody Thighs and Virtually Hung hare once again out of our favorite Loyala University college bar, the Pumping Company for what I believe will be their 3rd or 4th Annual Halloween Hash. Bring your costume cuz there’s gonna be prizes for the best costume at the on in as well as candy!

Party on on,

Fuji [a.k.a. It’s Too Soft]
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers

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CH3 #1568.5

Hare(s): W’all Bangher, Fuji, Snatchsquatch & Just Ira
Venue: Morseland – 1218 W Morse Ave Note new location!!!!
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the government spending $700 Billion bailing out the banking system. Imagine if we spent $700 Billion on BEER!!!

Note this is A-B trail with food at the on-in!

Lederhosen and Dirndln’s encouraged!!

A-B with a post hash BBQ at the on-in! We had so much fun with this combo we’re having another go. Trail will be quite different tho!

Weather looks to be spectacular too… what’s there not to like about this!

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Morse. The bar is like 2 blocks East of the station.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to anywhere you can catch an Eastbound bus to the Red Line. Take that to Morse, bar is two blocks East.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Morse just West of Sheridan and two blocks East of the L. Parking is fairly plentiful around here as this is well outside of the Green Zone tho it’s probably better going away from Sheridan.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1568

Hash Trash – Oct. 12, 2008
Chicago #1568 @ Stocks and Blondes

HARES: Mudsucker, Magnetic Muff, Glory Hole
VIRGINS: Just Taylor, Just Tina, Just Sadie
VISITORS: Balut & GDWB (Houston), Erin Go Buff ( Honolulu) Halley’s Comet (Bell Scott), Designated Driver (Lansing), Belching Semen (Whitehouse hash)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Ginger Snatch, Horn-e, Super Stuf’her Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Santchsquatch, Uploader, Just Shaina, Just Nicole, Just Joel, Just Alexis, Virtually Hung, Princess Labia, The Enema Canal, Discharged Seamen, Ez on the Ass, Cumma Slutra, Crop Duster, It’s Too Soft, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porcelain God,

TOTAL HASHERS – 37

Today 37 hashers came out to the Sunday fun and some started even earlier that usually. The Hash activities started today with a few hashers making their way to 33rd and the Dan Ryan to cheer marathoners and hand out water and beer today. The first wave of runners really went for that water but the second wave were surprised and pleased to have that beer. The hash cleaned up around 1 pm and made their way via the Red line to the downtown starting point for the hash. Stocks and Blondes informed us that the keg would not work because the CO2 was out. I got them to give us 165 bottles of beer for the same price the $160 we were to pay for the keg and all was good.

Our hares today GLORY HOLE, MAGNETIC MUFF, and MUDSUCKER laid a trail with a turkey and eagle portion to it so our marathon runners could attend and other hashers could get a run in. JUST TAYLOR just in from Orlando joined us to day after being in Chicago for no more that 4 days. WE also met virgins JUST SADIE and JUST TINA in the bar celebrating JUST TINA’s marathon finish. JUST SHAINA and I decided to watch peoples bags and the Bears game that they lost along with WRAPPER SNATCHER and eventual CROP DUSTER. I am glad I decided not to run because I meet BALUT and GDWB in from the Houston Hash for a couple of days but the could not stay for circle. BALUT has an interesting name look it up on line here
http://en.wikipedia .org/wiki/ Balut

The pack was off and the small crew inside the bar was joined by EZ on the ASS and CUMMA SLUTRA and we all waited for the rest of the pack to make their way around trail and join us. The FRB’s were SNATCHSQUATCH and SUPER STUF’HER soon followed by CUMS on I LEAN and JUST I LEAN with his side kick R-TARD-E. BELCHING SEMEN announced her presence in a typical loud style which was echoed by ERIN GO BUFF in from Honolulu. I heard that HALLEY’s COMET and JUST NICOLE loved the smell of the Chicago alleys they ran thru and even saw a rat or 2 along the way.

Today also saw the return of JUST ALEXIS our peeing queen who has been out the last several weeks because she hurt her knees somehow? THE ENEMA CANAL played the part of the RA and his side kick PRINCESS LABIA was faithfully at his side. UPLOADER was his usually loud self screaming obscenities and mooning the whole circle at least 20 times or was that the homeless guy outside the window? Over all we had a great time and will see you next week.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1568

Chicago Hash #1568 10.12.08 @ Stocks & Blondes – You Want Me To Do WHAT After the Marathon!!?? Hash

October 12, 2008 2:43 am / itstoosoft
Hare(s): Mudsucker, Magnetic Muff & Glory Hole
Venue: Stocks & Blondes – 40 N. Wells
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the Cubs flaming out in the postseason without the aid of Steve Bartman. Sox are checked out too now. GO BEARS!! Better yet, GO BEERS!!!!
Four our post-marathon hash we’re gonna buy a whole keg from the bar so come thirsty cuz this one’s gonna leave a mark!!!

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton. Brown Line to Washington & Wells, bar is like right by the L stop..
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Washington. Hoof it like four blocks West to Wells. Bar is by the Brown Line stop.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to da Loop and make your way to Washington & Wells. Look for a 6pm meter or pay $40 to park in a ramp, ya goof..

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1567

Hash Trash
Chicago #1567
Oct. 5, 2008 House of Batteries

HARES: Calvin Klein and Batteries not Included
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Film @ 11-Baltimore, Neon- Panama Hash,
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Ginger Snatch, Bloody Thighs, Mudsucker, I Like Dick, Just Tina, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuf’her, KGB, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E

TOTAL HASHERS= 21

Great hash today, I’m sure if the rain hadn’t scared a few people away we would have had our usually 30 hashers out on a Sunday trail. The Pack met at the bar and NEON was our first arriver. She looked anxious because she was hanging out at the door just waiting to run. The bar even made her play taps before she left for circle for the dead in the water Detroit Lions that the BEARS were killing today. CALVIN left 10 minutes before the pack did so he could set live trail with flour and BATTERIES conducted the chalk talk. All were set but we needed to introduce our hashers and give the visitors FILM @ 11 and NEON directions on how to follow our CH3 trail. LIFA led the pack out along with SIR POOPS A LOT and the rain started to subside and was replaced with the sun??? Trail went SE towards the Clark and Division red line stop with the pack following HORN-E and his blown horn. FILM @ 11 was seen stripping near this corner for $$$?? but it turned out she was only warm from the run. W’ALL BANGER bit the dust on this trail trying to accelerate around a corner she hit the wall in turn 3 and blew a wheel. KGB found the trail was now running east towards the lake and everyone was expecting a little hashing on the lakefront.

Our hares were a little too smart for that and circled back west away from the lake catching most of the pack looking east except for the CHICKEN STIFFER who ran into blobs of flour I went west on this unknown trail and HORN-E went east unfortunately he was not on and the trail continued in a NW direction until it ran behind the CHICAGO HISTORICAL SOCIETY. I even had time to run back and mark the last two checks and splits so the pack led by GINGER SNATCH could catch up. R-TARD-E played the part of HOT PANTS today running trail in his gym shoes and jeans. The trail here ran through the Lincoln Park area that has a statue of Ulysses S. Grant in it while Grant Park has a statue of Abraham Lincoln in it, odd huh? Trail continued north and then ran thru the zoo and our visit! ors were amazed that the zoo was free, that is the beauty of the Lincoln Park Zoo. Finally the trail came out of the zoo and BN was seen at last with the beer stop in the arboretum just north of the zoo. JUST I LEAN met us there with the hare CALVIN KLEIN!!! Soon hasher like BLOODY THIGHS and KGB were joining the FRB’s in downing a few beers before we ran over to the house of BATTERIES for circle and Yucca.

The house of BATTERIES found us with I LIKE DICK and JUST TINA waiting for us and soon we were joined with SUPER STUF’HER and MUDSUCKER as well. CALVIN ran the circle with the FRB being CHICKEN and DFL was W’ALL BANGER with the bum wheel trailing behind her. Our visitors were brought out and FILM @ 11 got her name for having sex on a fire engine that made the 11 o’clock news in Baltimore. NEON will only be here until Friday so come out and say goodbye to her on Thursday. I LIKE DICK had to drink every other down-down for refusing to run a CALVIN trail that only went about four-miles CALVIN kept the circle going and BATTERIES was cooking the pizzas, the YUCCA was started by LIFA and soon the whole circle was drinking YUCCA, but can anyone explain why in YUCCA the limes sank and the oranges and lemons floated??? BIG HASH MYSTERY that needs to be solved!!! Maybe more YUCCA at ANTHRAX HASH DEC. 20, 2008. The YUCCA was cared for and burped by CUMS on I LEAN today she treated the Yucca like a newborn with care and love as she cradled it to her bosom. CALVIN had a few more accusations and MOUTHFUL of MEAT was caught for auto hashing and LIFA and HOOSIER DADDY sang a train riding song because they took Metra to the hash. SEE you all next week at the MARATHON hash DOWNTOWN!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1567

Hare(s): Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein
Venue: McGinny’s Tap – 313 W. North Ave
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the much-hailed New Hadron Supercollider shutting down until Spring 2009 after only a few days operation due to a mechanical fault. I suppose we’ll have to wait until Chicago hashing returns to Monday nights before we’ll find out if the “micro black holes” that the Supercollider is theorized to produce will swallow up the Earth.

View Larger Map
This Sunday’s hash will be hared by Calvin Klein and yours truly Batteries Not Included. This will be a A – B hash starting at McGinny’s Tap (313 W. North Ave.) This new hash spot is about a block East of the Sedgwick Brown Line stop. The B will include plenty of cold BEER, YUCCA (for you newbies, don’t ask what it is – just show up and see!) and FOOD! This same trail won “TRAIL OF THE YEAR” in 2006. So come on out and celebrate Chicago’s AWESOME BASEBALL TEAMS (wear your team’s gear!) and our FIRST SUNDAY BACK HASH!
ALSO –
Sunday, October 12th (Post Chicago Marathon Hash) we are looking for a veteran hare to show a virgin hare the ropes in trail laying. We already have the venue (Stocks and Blondes – http://www.stocksan dblondesbargrill e.com/ face=”Verdana” color=”#333333″ size=”2″>) and the beer special, all we need is a willing hare and some drywall. Please notify me or Mouthful of Meat if you’re intrested!
On On!
Batteries Not Included
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to Sedgwick and hoof it like two blocks East on North Ave to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, cutover to the North Ave #72 bus to da bar which is between Orleans & Park.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to North Ave between Orleans & Park. Speaking of which parking in this hood is generally crappy, but less so the farther west you go towards the projects.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1566

“Smells like Foot Locker”. ‘Nuff said, dems is NEW SHOES!!!
HASH TRASH
CHICAGO #1566
Monday Sept. 29, 2008 @ Flounders
HARES: Virtually Hung, Mount Schwiiinga
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Hot Lips, Neon- Panama Hash, Soggy Deposit- Madison
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Sperm Diversion, Porcelain God, Barks on all Fours, Just Hee-Jai, Just John, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, International Virgin, Glory Hole, Magnetic Muff, Crop Duster, R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Milk My Yak, Uploader, One Handed Typist, Its Too Soft, Just Eileen, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey,
TOTAL HASHERS =25
The day started off with heavy rains and cooler weather but as predicted the clouds and rains subsided and gave us a beautiful night for hashing which was preceeded by a White Sox winner and another game set for Tuesday!! The pack soon gathered at the appointed place and after watching the Sox win over the tigers we were ready to run. Our visitor NEON brought a horn that was longer and louder than even our own HORN-E. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA gave us our chalk talk and JUST I LEAN was confused about his name calling himself “CROP DUSTER” tonight?
The pack was off to the west with the real CROP DUSTER leading us over the Chicago River. The first split was found at Webster and Ashland I went north and was rewarded with an arrow once I crossed the river again so I was on!! SPERM DIVERSION and the PORCELAIN GOD were hot on my CHICKEN TAIL but we got slowed down with our first check at the next corner. I chose correctly again and was soon by myself running on Southport. I could hear the Horn of NEON behind us cutting through the night air keeping the pack together.
The trail snaked back and forth through the Lincoln Park green zone using alleys and even circle jerked around a park on Racine and Webster. Eventually the trail wound up at a check on Armitage with true trail going south and then back NW until it got to the corner of Armitage and Clybourn. The trail went west and ended at a beer stop on railroad tracks near the steel plant on the river. MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, SCHWIIINGA, and VIRTUALLY HUNG greeted us there with Bud and Lite beer. We drank our bellies full and were off through a crack in a fence JUST HEE-JAI was able to navigate the gate along with many of the other hashers.
We got back to the bar and Just Lisa our bartender was quick on the draw when it came to pitchers. INTERNATIOANL VIRGIN was on the run but seemed to take off early but we did miss her. JUST JOHN and JUST HEE-JAI were called in for being two timers. Our visitors HOT LIPS, NEON, and SOGGY DEPOSIST gave us a nice look at their bums when it came time for joke, a song or a body part!!! ITS TOO SOFT, MILK, BARKS, and JUST EILEEN were our non-runners tonight. CHICKEN was the FRB.
UPLOADER and SOGGY DEPOSIST drank together because when one Madison hasher drinks all Madison hashers drink. ONE HANDED TYPIST and PORCELAIN GOD were our Reboots. CROP DUSTER drank for semi-new shoes? All had fun but the funniest thing came last when little hashers were left. The hash on October 26th will see a name off between CROP DUSTER and JUST I LEAN. The winner of this contest will retain the name CROP DUSTER and the Loser will be named JUST I LEAN. The contest will be judged on best costume and whatever extra’s they come up with for our entertainment! !! Good luck Gentlemen and may the best hasher win!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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CH3 #1566

Hare(s): Mt. Schwiiinga & Virtually Hung
Venue: Flounder’s – 2101 N Clyborn (at Dickens)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the Cubs clinching the NL Central title! Congrats Cubbies and go SOX!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton and either the Fullerton #74 bus West to Clyborn (hoof it three blocks Southeast) or Brown Line to Armitage, hoof it four blocks West and 2 blocks Northeast.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western, jump on the Armitage 73 bus East to Clyborn, hoof it a couplea blocks Northwest or Blue Line to California and take the Fullerton #74 bus East to Clyborn, hoof it a few blocks Southeast.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Clyborn & Dickens. Parking on the Northeast side of Clyborn is fairly scarce and lotsa Zone 143 permit only areas, Southwest in the industrial area is much better.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1565.5

Tale of the Trail – Chicago JV Hash #4

Sept. 27, 2008 Casa De W’All Bangher

HARES: Just Ira, Virtually Hung, W’all Bangher
VIRGINS: Just Allen
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHERS: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Chicken Stiffer, Speckle Bird, Just Joel, R-Tard-E, Just Amy, Ginger Snatch, Lifa, Bloody Thighs, Poultry F*cker, Its Too Soft, Just Carolyn, Magnetic Muff, Sit-N-Pee, Squeeze on out

TOTAL HASHERS= 20

Today the weather hit 80-degrees and 20 hashers joined together on the far northern border of CHICAGO to hash an area that we have not been in for many years. Our Hares really showed us a great trail using beaches, walkways, indoor shopping centers, and even a cemetery for their trail. The pack joined together near the Red line el-stop of Jarvis and by 1:30 pm we were off. LIFA was the FRB from the first second and never gave up that tag. We went south and back under the red line and quickly turned west with POULTRY F*CKER picking up the whiff of a trail that led us to a Chicago park on Clark? VIRTUALLY HUNG had a sadistic mind today because he made the trail criss-cross itself so many times that Veteran hasher LIFA was confused. BLOODY THIGHS got the trail correct and had us running east again towards the lake and what looked to be a MILK-MY-YAK convention due to all the kayaks at the next park. Trail here ran onto a beach and GINGER SNATCH led us over a private beach with the owners giving us dirty looks as we blew or whistles and ran on to our exit. The sign on the ground said SN, which stood for SHOTS NEAR, and the stop was on a site over looking the beautiful LAKE MICHIGAN. We had Jell-O Shots and Vodka drinks waiting for us!!!
We enjoyed the scenery and we were off. The trail used the Howard Street parking garage and the walkway over the street, which led us to a cemetery run with a turkey-eagle split. R-TARD-E and I were gassed so we took the turkey trail but the others ran the eagle trail. Overall we ran 5-6 miles but it was a gorgeous day so not many complaints from the pack were heard. The next beer stop was in Evanston on the lakefront again. Empty bottles of Corona taunted LIFA, as he had to accept a Miller Lite instead. JUST AMY and GINGER SNATCH were our FBI’s to this stop and JUST IRA brought out the beer for us.
The pack was off shortly again and we ran back to the house of W’ALL BAGHER, which was conveniently back at the first shot stop. This ON-IN might be voted he best on-in for the year with burgers and brats on the lakefront at her private residence. Please check out the pictures from ITS TOO SOFT. The only hiccup of the day was the tapper not fitting the keg but we made do with the several cases of beer that were lying around. The circle punished the hares several times but even CALVIN was impressed with the on-in and expressed his pleasure of the venue. HOT LIPS was our visitor today and MAGNETIC MUFF was our DFL, but after a short circle we munched on the chips and food that was provided for us.

See you on MONDAY!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1565.5

Hare(s): W’all Bang’Her, Sit’n Pee & Just Ira
Venue: Poitin Stil – 1502 W Jarvis
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the fickle Fed allowing Lehman Brothers to implode but rescuing Others. Note earlier start time 1pm due to da Sox Game!

A-B with a post hash BBQ at the on-in! Weather looks to be spectacular too… what’s there not to like about this!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Jarvis. The bar is like 1/2 block East of the station.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to anywhere you can catch an Eastbound bus to the Red Line. Take that to Jarvis, bar is less than a block East.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Jarvis & Greenview. Parking is fairly plentiful around here as this is well outside of the Green Zone.