“Smells like Foot Locker”. ‘Nuff said, dems is NEW SHOES!!!
HASH TRASH
CHICAGO #1566
Monday Sept. 29, 2008 @ Flounders
HARES: Virtually Hung, Mount Schwiiinga
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Hot Lips, Neon- Panama Hash, Soggy Deposit- Madison
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Sperm Diversion, Porcelain God, Barks on all Fours, Just Hee-Jai, Just John, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, International Virgin, Glory Hole, Magnetic Muff, Crop Duster, R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Milk My Yak, Uploader, One Handed Typist, Its Too Soft, Just Eileen, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey,
TOTAL HASHERS =25
The day started off with heavy rains and cooler weather but as predicted the clouds and rains subsided and gave us a beautiful night for hashing which was preceeded by a White Sox winner and another game set for Tuesday!! The pack soon gathered at the appointed place and after watching the Sox win over the tigers we were ready to run. Our visitor NEON brought a horn that was longer and louder than even our own HORN-E. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA gave us our chalk talk and JUST I LEAN was confused about his name calling himself “CROP DUSTER” tonight?
The pack was off to the west with the real CROP DUSTER leading us over the Chicago River. The first split was found at Webster and Ashland I went north and was rewarded with an arrow once I crossed the river again so I was on!! SPERM DIVERSION and the PORCELAIN GOD were hot on my CHICKEN TAIL but we got slowed down with our first check at the next corner. I chose correctly again and was soon by myself running on Southport. I could hear the Horn of NEON behind us cutting through the night air keeping the pack together.
The trail snaked back and forth through the Lincoln Park green zone using alleys and even circle jerked around a park on Racine and Webster. Eventually the trail wound up at a check on Armitage with true trail going south and then back NW until it got to the corner of Armitage and Clybourn. The trail went west and ended at a beer stop on railroad tracks near the steel plant on the river. MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, SCHWIIINGA, and VIRTUALLY HUNG greeted us there with Bud and Lite beer. We drank our bellies full and were off through a crack in a fence JUST HEE-JAI was able to navigate the gate along with many of the other hashers.
We got back to the bar and Just Lisa our bartender was quick on the draw when it came to pitchers. INTERNATIOANL VIRGIN was on the run but seemed to take off early but we did miss her. JUST JOHN and JUST HEE-JAI were called in for being two timers. Our visitors HOT LIPS, NEON, and SOGGY DEPOSIST gave us a nice look at their bums when it came time for joke, a song or a body part!!! ITS TOO SOFT, MILK, BARKS, and JUST EILEEN were our non-runners tonight. CHICKEN was the FRB.
UPLOADER and SOGGY DEPOSIST drank together because when one Madison hasher drinks all Madison hashers drink. ONE HANDED TYPIST and PORCELAIN GOD were our Reboots. CROP DUSTER drank for semi-new shoes? All had fun but the funniest thing came last when little hashers were left. The hash on October 26th will see a name off between CROP DUSTER and JUST I LEAN. The winner of this contest will retain the name CROP DUSTER and the Loser will be named JUST I LEAN. The contest will be judged on best costume and whatever extra’s they come up with for our entertainment! !! Good luck Gentlemen and may the best hasher win!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
_______
CH3 #1566
Hare(s): Mt. Schwiiinga & Virtually Hung
Venue: Flounder’s – 2101 N Clyborn (at Dickens)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the Cubs clinching the NL Central title! Congrats Cubbies and go SOX!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton and either the Fullerton #74 bus West to Clyborn (hoof it three blocks Southeast) or Brown Line to Armitage, hoof it four blocks West and 2 blocks Northeast.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western, jump on the Armitage 73 bus East to Clyborn, hoof it a couplea blocks Northwest or Blue Line to California and take the Fullerton #74 bus East to Clyborn, hoof it a few blocks Southeast.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Clyborn & Dickens. Parking on the Northeast side of Clyborn is fairly scarce and lotsa Zone 143 permit only areas, Southwest in the industrial area is much better.
Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1565.5
Tale of the Trail – Chicago JV Hash #4
Sept. 27, 2008 Casa De W’All Bangher
HARES: Just Ira, Virtually Hung, W’all Bangher
VIRGINS: Just Allen
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHERS: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Chicken Stiffer, Speckle Bird, Just Joel, R-Tard-E, Just Amy, Ginger Snatch, Lifa, Bloody Thighs, Poultry F*cker, Its Too Soft, Just Carolyn, Magnetic Muff, Sit-N-Pee, Squeeze on out
TOTAL HASHERS= 20
Today the weather hit 80-degrees and 20 hashers joined together on the far northern border of CHICAGO to hash an area that we have not been in for many years. Our Hares really showed us a great trail using beaches, walkways, indoor shopping centers, and even a cemetery for their trail. The pack joined together near the Red line el-stop of Jarvis and by 1:30 pm we were off. LIFA was the FRB from the first second and never gave up that tag. We went south and back under the red line and quickly turned west with POULTRY F*CKER picking up the whiff of a trail that led us to a Chicago park on Clark? VIRTUALLY HUNG had a sadistic mind today because he made the trail criss-cross itself so many times that Veteran hasher LIFA was confused. BLOODY THIGHS got the trail correct and had us running east again towards the lake and what looked to be a MILK-MY-YAK convention due to all the kayaks at the next park. Trail here ran onto a beach and GINGER SNATCH led us over a private beach with the owners giving us dirty looks as we blew or whistles and ran on to our exit. The sign on the ground said SN, which stood for SHOTS NEAR, and the stop was on a site over looking the beautiful LAKE MICHIGAN. We had Jell-O Shots and Vodka drinks waiting for us!!!
We enjoyed the scenery and we were off. The trail used the Howard Street parking garage and the walkway over the street, which led us to a cemetery run with a turkey-eagle split. R-TARD-E and I were gassed so we took the turkey trail but the others ran the eagle trail. Overall we ran 5-6 miles but it was a gorgeous day so not many complaints from the pack were heard. The next beer stop was in Evanston on the lakefront again. Empty bottles of Corona taunted LIFA, as he had to accept a Miller Lite instead. JUST AMY and GINGER SNATCH were our FBI’s to this stop and JUST IRA brought out the beer for us.
The pack was off shortly again and we ran back to the house of W’ALL BAGHER, which was conveniently back at the first shot stop. This ON-IN might be voted he best on-in for the year with burgers and brats on the lakefront at her private residence. Please check out the pictures from ITS TOO SOFT. The only hiccup of the day was the tapper not fitting the keg but we made do with the several cases of beer that were lying around. The circle punished the hares several times but even CALVIN was impressed with the on-in and expressed his pleasure of the venue. HOT LIPS was our visitor today and MAGNETIC MUFF was our DFL, but after a short circle we munched on the chips and food that was provided for us.
See you on MONDAY!!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
CH3 #1565.5
Hare(s): W’all Bang’Her, Sit’n Pee & Just Ira
Venue: Poitin Stil – 1502 W Jarvis
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the fickle Fed allowing Lehman Brothers to implode but rescuing Others. Note earlier start time 1pm due to da Sox Game!
A-B with a post hash BBQ at the on-in! Weather looks to be spectacular too… what’s there not to like about this!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Jarvis. The bar is like 1/2 block East of the station.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to anywhere you can catch an Eastbound bus to the Red Line. Take that to Jarvis, bar is less than a block East.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Jarvis & Greenview. Parking is fairly plentiful around here as this is well outside of the Green Zone.
Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1565
Hash Trash Sept. 22, 2008 Casa De Stumpy
HARES: Stumpy and Virgin Banger
VIRGINS: Just Joe, Just Jessica, Just John, Just Hee-Jai, Just Julian
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Shaina, Poultry F*cker, Glory Hole, Sir Poops A lot, Calvin and Hobbes, Batteries Not Included, R-tard-E, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Virtually Hung, 69-cent Man, Carpet Shagger, Princess Labia, Ernest Cummingway, Likes It On the Bottom, Horn-E, It’s Too Soft, Renta Virgin, Cums On I Lean, Bella (Carry On), Just I Lean, Mount Schwinga, Crop Duster, Bank of Spermeica,
TOTAL HASHERS= 32
The hash tonight celebrated the birthday of VIRGIN BANGER and STUMP HUMPER two excellent hashers both turned 27 tonight congratulations. 32 hashers came out for the run and celebrations with 5 virgins joining us most of them came because of RENTA VIRGIN!!! The trail was a fine showing of the Loyola Campus and Rogers Park. We did a quick chalk talk and in the midst of it CROP DUSTER showed up on his bike as usually sweaty and out of breathe. After our instructions we were off with 69-CENT MAN leading us out to the first check. I went NW but was soon called back by CARPET SHAGGER because the trail went east. VIRTUALLY HUNG and GLORY HOLE looked to be leading at this point with HORN-E trying to keep up. The trail ducked under a fence now I was FRB. Trail ran towards the lake and finally did cross Sheridan and ran behind some bar looking place on the lake maybe a good place for future summer on in. It was here I lost the pack and became the FRB.
Trail ran thru the Loyola campus and had a false trial towards the parking garage true trail ran north and behind the soccer/track field. Here there was a split and the trail ran over some rock behind an Apartment building on the lake and up the beach on the north side. Trail from here ran west and south until we came close to the corner of Devon and Clark where PRINCESS LABIA waited with the beer. CHICKEN the FRB waited for the pack on our next hasher in was JUST SHAINA so now we had our FRB and FBI. Soon the pack followed with BANK OF SPERMERICA, CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, and others rolling in. Our virgin Just HEE-JAI made it quickly to the beer stop as well. We sat under the street lights sucking on our beers for about ten minutes when SNATCHSQUATCH and R-TARD-E showed up late where had they been and what they were doing was up for debate but they did find the beer stop the goal of any hasher.
The pack made it back to the ON-IN where CALVIN our RA led us in circle and soon had our FRB and FBI out. The DFL’s were GUESS whom R-TARD and SNATCHSQUATCH. OUR virgins Just Joe, Just Jessica, Just John, Just Hee-Jai, and Just Julian learned what a down down was from the woman formerly known as I’M LATE AGAIN. IT’S TOO SOFT made it in his high collared shirt and tie with MOUNT SCHWINGA who won an award for best dressed hasher at some event. RENTA VIRGIN was in some kind of orgy tonight because she made all the virgins cum and PRINCESS LABIA kept shouting buy raffle tickets!! Overall it was a great backyard hash that lasted until the neighbor couldn’t stand us anymore.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
———
CH3 #1565
Hare(s): Stump Humper & Virgin Banger
Venue: Casa de Stumpy
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite extensive wind and water damage to the hash beer supply by Hurricane Ike.
Dare to stray outside the Green Zone to Rogers Park and come hash up North in the infamous Devon/Ridge/Clark Bermuda Triangle!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Loyola, hop the Devon 155 bus (runs about every 12 minutes that time of the day) right in front of the statio West to Paulina and hoof it just over a block South.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to pretty much anywhere you can catch an Eastbound bus to the Red Line. Then follow the directions from the Red Line, above. Neither easy nor elegant but saves the enviornment.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to block on Paulina between Highland and Thome, just over a block South of Devon. Parking should be as plentiful as government-funded bailouts of troubled financial institutions.
Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1564
Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1564
Hash Trash
Sept. 15, 2008 The Levee
HARES: 69-cent man, Chicken Stiffer
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: CUmLord, Dick long and prosper, Pussy Galore
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, Virtually Hung, Lifa, Sir poops, Just Rolando, Horn-e, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, Carpet Shagger, Crop Duster, Just Dennis, MudSucker
TOTAL HASHERS – 17
Well the Hash Happened, but I do not know how the trail went because I manned the beer stop tonight. I can definetly saw I was in the minority tonight with Mexicans on all the street corners waving flags and celebrating Mexican Independence Day. A little bird did tell me that the trail was short and shitty with numerous small marks hidden along the way laid by master hare 69-Cent Man. Our FRB was Horn-e and LIFA with CUMS ON I LEAN using her bike to complete the trail because there were no walkers. SIR POOPS complained bitterly that we were serving MGD and he wanted TECATE to celebrate the day!!!! We made it back to the on-in and there was MUDSUCKER and ITS TOO SOFT waiting for us!!! We had a short circle and some fun. Quote of the night by ITS TOO SOFT “Is the Iowa? No its West Chicago.”
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
CUBS WIN 7-6 over the hapless BREWERS!!!!
CH3 #1564
Chicago Hash #1564 – 9.15.08 @ The Levee – Mexican Independence Day Hash
Hare(s): $0.69 Man & Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Levee – 4035 W. Fullerton Ave., Chicago, IL 60639.
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the Cubs’ typical “June Swoon” finally showing up in September!
Celebrate Mexican Independence Day. This is the major Mexican Holiday (and not Cinco de Mayo). The custom for this holiday is that on the night of the 15th, in addition to drinking/singing/drinking/dancing/drinking, there is this Grito (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grito_de_Dolores) ceremony, where the politician in charge hollers “Viva” (long live) and a series of names of people who are long dead, and the crowd answers “VIVA.” The RA will be given the script.
DRESS: In honor of the holiday, in lieu of hash attire, hashers are encouraged to wear something traditionally Mexican, such as sombreros, serapes, futbol shirts, luchadore masks, black hoodies, etc.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, Fullerton #74 bus all the way west to KEYSTONE (1 block west of Pulaski) by the Metra Station South side of Fullerton.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to California, hoof it a couplea blocks Northwest on Milwaukee to Fullerton, Fullerton #74 bus all the way west to KEYSTONE.
Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Fullerton & KEYSTONE. I have never been there before but suspect parking should be rather okay.
CH3 #1563
Chicago Hash #1563 – 9.8.08 @ The Beaumont!
Hare(s): Just I Lean & Comes on I Lean
Venue: The Beaumont – 2020 N. Halsted
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite Hurricane Gustav being the biggest flop since Heaven’s Gate. Don’t worry tho, Hannah is coming.
What can we say… back to the GREEN ZONE and bar where more often than not we can’t drink all the hash cash!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to Armitage, hoof it three short blocks East to Hasted and cut North about 50 yards to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western, Armitage 73 bus to Halsted, hoof it 1/2 block to da bar.
Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Armitage and Halsted. You can park in the Lincoln Park High School lot but be sure to remove your sled before 10pm or you might be paying an additional $120 hash cash to Lincoln Towing by Cabrini Green!
Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1562
Hash Trash Chicago #1562
4th Annual Labor Day Hash @ Party Central SkyDeck
Hares: The CH3 Hare Triumvirate – It’s Too Soft (Lincoln Park Party Dude Extraordinaire), Lifa (CH3 Master Hare Level VII) and Just I Lean (CH3 Hare Rookie of the Year)
Hashers: Are They Real, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Cunt & Pasties, Cums On I Lean, Enema Canal, Free VD, Ginger Snatch, Grrreat Loch Ness Cockster, Happy Ass Grabber, Hoosier Daddy, I Like Dick, Just Brad, Just Chris, Just Joel, Just Joy, Just Nate, Just Rob, Magnetic Muff, Moan On Trail, Mudsucker, Odor Eater, Packher Ass, R Tard E, Rent-a-Virgin, Snatch Squatch, Special Head, Virgin Banger
Visitors: Davey Crochet (Atlanta), Choo Choo Caboose (Atlanta), Cookie Cumster (Waukesha), Drop Dead Hummer (Big Hump), Just Tim (Big Hump), Just Virginia (Madison), Return to Gender (Madison), Smell This (New York)
Chicago Hashers = 31
Visitors = 8
Total = 39!!
Absolutely perfect weather conspired to ruin what would have been an otherwise okay hash as the expected 20-25 die hards (we had 33 last year) swelled to 39 which like totally blew out our keg and Party Central had to dig into the backup food reserves, but I digress.
We started out with 26 die hards who made it out to Party Central to savor the glory of a freshly-tapped half barrel of Miller High Life before the hash started. What was intended to be entertainment for our locals has apparently turned into a visitor event too as we had NINE visitors show up for this, and not just random visitors in town for something else but peeps that wanted to come to this hash!
The first to show up were my co-hares Lifa and Just I Lean just after 11am. After a lively discussion about where to run trail and have a beer stop they headed out to lay Labor Day IV. I stayed back at Party Central to setup for the epic partyage that was to cum. The first non-hare to show was R Tard E who arrived just after 12:30 and helped with the keg run to Sam’s. Then arrived our visitors from Big Hump Drop Dead Hummer and Just Tim who drove five hours to catch CH3 Labor Day IV got to help out too and witness the Party Central Keg Hoist in action.
Soon other hashers started to filter in and the keg was tapped. Just when ya thought it was gonna stay sane, more visitors started showing up too. We had Party Central die hard Davey Crochet and his wingman Just Tim in from Atlanta. Then my good buddy and frequent CH3 event crasher at Party Central, Return to Gender and his sidekick Just Virginia rolled in from Madison. Lastly to my great surprise one of my favorite Waukesha hashers, Cookie Cumster showed up with her Chicago friend Just Joy.
After a quick chalk talk where we once again busted out the PPC bullhorn followed by a lightining round of introductions, the pack headed out East on my alley towards the lakefront and Lincoln Park, da actual park, not da hood. Things were going well as the pack enjoyed a scenic tour down the lakefront in the park until those incorrigible scoundrels from the dreaded Thirstday Hash hijacked the trail 15 feet off of the bike path and had an impromptu vodka pink lemonade stop to promote their upcoming Pink Dress Run. On a hot summer day the lemonade was greatly appreciated however I think the “trace levels” of vodka that it was spiked with were well below the EPA-allowable limit for vodka in drinking water from Lake Michigan, measurable only in parts per billion.
The pack then headed back on trail and got to the official CH3 beer stop in Oz Park by Lincoln Park High School where Ginger Snatch caught up with us to enjoy the greatness of Busch in cans. For some reason Calvin Klein remained MIA despite extensive marking and sweeping by the hares. This is not good because when you lose the RA on trail you know the hares will be punished with a veritable hailstorm of down-downs!
After that it was back to the Party Central SkyDeck with a straight shot North (Lifa pretty much acknowleged that anything other than straight back will be ignored by the pack).
Once back Calvin led another one of his great circles where the hares had enough down downs to fell a small elephant. We were joined by a slew of unexpected nonrunners (on top of the unexpected visitors) like Smell This & Cunt & Pasties, Mudsucker, Virgin Banger & Rent-a-Virgin, and even Indiana transplant Moan on Trail and her new roomie Just Chris.
After the circle, the pack was unleashed on the Party Central board of fare which included grilled lemon pepper marinade chicken breast bruchetta, barbecued marinade shrimp (yes Aussie fans, we had “shrimp on the barbie”), Italian pasta salad (thanks to Packer Ass), the infamous Fuji ultra-garlic carbo-load mostaccoli, and other snacks including Batteries’ spectacular artichoke dip. The pack was ravenous and all the food disappeared pretty much as soon as it was put out. Mad props to R Tard E for yet another great performance as grille master.
Due to the unexpectedly high turnout the keg was killed right as the circle was ending and Happy Ass Grabber stepped up to do a beer run coming back with four more 30 packs of the good stuff to keep the party going. After many rounds of flippy cup racing the pack consumed all the replacement beer and everyone headed back home, in good spirits.
Next year, if the weather is nice, I will learn my lesson and get TWO KEGS for 5th Annual Labor Hash in 2009!
In the meantime, a really fun campout hash is coming in two weeks, Indiana Intrahash in West Lafayette (only two hours South of Chicago!). http://www.indyhhh.com/intrahash.php
Party on on,
Fuji
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers