Chicago Hash House Harriers

Nov. 16, 2008 @ Mad River Tavern
HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1572

HARES: Crop Duster & R-Tard-E
VIRGINS: Just Randy, Just Jessica, Just Sarah
VISITORS: Mookie (Stockholm Hash)
HASHERS: Just Taylor, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Buff, Horn-e, Hot Pants, Friend of Hot Pants, Smell This, Glory Hole, Stupid Man, One Handed Typist, Just Adam, Stab’em and Slab’em, Its Too Soft, Cumma Slutra, Super Stuffher, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Good Swallow, Virgin Banger, Mudsucker, Cunt and Pasties, Peterbilt, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Happy Ass Grabber

TOTAL HASHERS – 32

R-TARD-E and CROP DUSTER set trail from the Mad River bar and R-TARD-E redeemed himself by setting a trail that ran NW of the bar and used ever alley and gangway he could find on the NW of the Lakeview area. The Trail saw 32 hashers show up at the bar but only 13 people ran. That is what happens when Green Bay plays the Bears and the weather gets a little cold outside some would rather watch the game or stay warm oh darn.

The runners took off and I sent the walkers to ITS TOO SOFTS Place for the beer stop and I heard MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, GOOD SWALLOW, STUPIDMAN and others had a great time starting a fire but no beer was there because the hares decided to change the beer stop to another location. So NO BEER FOR YOU!!! I caught up to the pack just as it started running thru its first gangway and ERIN GO BUFF had the lead. ITS TOO SOFT and SNATCHSQUATCH were bringing up the rear must of the day and the trail wound its way thru the Lakeview neighborhood. R-TARD even managed to find a six-inch crack between two buildings to set the trail thru. I’m glad the trail was set before Thanksgiving otherwise I would have been too fat to fit my chicken legs thru the opening.

The next part of the trail saw numerous splits into condo courtyards that were false trails but eventually GLORY HOLE found the right hole to dart thru and we were racing for a beer check in the alley but some misguided resident thought he had some street person living behind his garage and decided to throw the beer away. YES I SAID HE THREW THE BEER AWAY. His address was 1356 W. Diversey if you wish to send him a letter. MOOKIE was FRB at this point and jumped over a Shell Stations fence and was back on trail that looked like it was approaching Wrigley Field but it quickly turned back south towards Belmont. JUST ADAM found trail and eventually it lead to a beer stop where CROP DUSTER only just knocked on the door of MARY ANNE and GINGER and they graciously allowed us to use their porch for a beer stop.

The sign said “Parties not allowed and tenants only!” but that does not stop the CH3. We took a few pictures with that sign and waited for the pack to show up. CUMMMA SLUTRA turned out to be the DFL and FBI. It was cold outside so we ran back to the bar and saw our beloved Bears being killed 37-3 and most of the wankers were still at Vaughn’s Pub.

We quickly changed venue and rolled over to Mad River where we had $6 pitchers of beer. SMELL THIS, USDA GRADE ROTTEN WHORE, and ODOR EATER snagged two virgins JUST SARAH and JUST JESSICA to roll with us; many of the male hashers did not disapprove of this turn of events. SNATCHSQUATCH and I got the circle going and we got thru the FRB, DFL, announcements and then CALVIN AND BATTERIES walked in so CALVIN took over his RA roll with SNATCHSQUATCH as his sidekick.

ONE HANDED TYPIST was here even though the weather was below 35-degrees outside; I guess we can’t put him up for the warm weather wanker award this year. JUST RANDY was welcomed to the hash and we hope to coax him out of Lombard once in a while to hash with us. Eventually the hash were the only folks left in the bar after the Eagles fans left dejected from a football tie with the Sin City Bengals, but for some reason ITS TOO SOFT stayed. I don’t know how but the circle eventually closed after numerous accusations, puke, ear licking, and pitchers of beer!!!

NEXT WEEK HASH is the CH3 THANKSGIVING DAY HASH

VENUE: JUST SHAINA’s house.

FOOD and BEER will be provided!!!

HARES: JUST SHAINA, GINGER SNATCH, and POULTRY F*CKER

Chicago hash Tale of the Trail 11.2.08 and Tuesday Election Party

Nov. 2, 2008 Bar Atlantic
HARES: I Like Dick, R-Tard-E
VIRGINS: Just Jennifer, Just Damon, Just Hooper
VISITORS: Rub My Disc
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Bra, Calvin Klein, Mouthful of Meat, It’s Too Soft, Horn-e, Up Loader, Soggy Deposit, Are they Real, Cumma Slutra, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Hoosier Daddy, Crop Duster, Snatchsquatch, Just Kat, W’All Bang’her, Just Ira, More Tail, KGB, Just Taylor, Mudsucker, Dry Erase Board
TOTAL HASHERS – 29 yes there were 29 hashers on such a nice day!!!!!

Today the hash started early with some of us getting together to watch the Bears play and eventually win against the Lions. Stupidman, Calvin Klein, and I watched the Bears pull of the fantastic finish. 29 hashers eventually hashed today with I Like Dick playing the part of interpreter for R-Tard-E who spoke R-Tard-ese. The circle was a little different today with I like Dick bouncing around the circle asking for names but it seemed to work. The pack was off and Stupidman, Calvin Klein, and I went back inside to watch the game. After the game we walked to the beer stop and ran into Mouthful of Meat, Just Taylor, Dry Erase Board, and Erin Go Bra coming back to the bar. Mouthful of Meat perturbed because she missed the beer stop so we took them back to the parking garage and found the pack drinking on the roof. Just Jennifer and Just Damon said they had a good time and will be back in the future and Up Loader gets the award this year for bringing many virgins to the hash. His virgin Just Hooper also had a good time and he was seen later talking with a 2nd time running Just Kat in circle hopefully we will see them many times in the future months.

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HASH TRASH
CHICAGO TALE OF THE TRAIL 10/26/08

Oct. 26, 2008 Pumping Company

HARES: Virtually Hung, Bloody thighs

VIRGINS: Just Kat

VISITORS: Cervix so laid, Barking Sphincter from Mars (Silicon Valley)

HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Ez Sunday, Just Ira, W’All Bangher, Rhotan, Super Stuff’her, Menage a Twat, R-Tard-E, Horn-e, Soar Balls, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Just I Lean, Mudsucker, Good Swallow, Sir Poops A Lot, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Virgin Banger, Buffalo Nuts, Rearguard, Crop Duster, Mouthful of Meat, More Tail, Rotten Whore, Motorwhora, Hoosier Daddy, Glory Hole, Cums on I Lean, Special Head, Bush Lite, Mount Schwiiiinga, Snatchsquatch, It’s Too Soft, Poultry F*cker, Chicken Stiffer, Cumma Slutra, Just Allen, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Dickens Cider, KGB, Magnetic Muff, The Enema Canal, Princess Labia, 69-cent Man, 2 tickets to pair-a-thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, International Virgin, Kunta Kinta

TOTAL HASHERS- 54

The Hash stars were in alignment and the CH3 joined with 2nd city this past weekend for the annual Halloween Hash and celebrate CHICAGO HASHES 1569 hash!!!! The Hash saw roughly 55 hashers come out and run around the Rogers Park neighborhood. Many memorable costumes were worn. Our Hares Virtually Hung and Bloody Thighs were Elvis and a witch respectively and other memorable people were Glory Hole as Quimby the Mayor from the Simpson’s or Mouthful of Meat looking like a ladybug. Horn-e and Rhotan stood together and came as Jack Lemon and Walter Matheiu from the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. Just Ira was cute in her German beer wench outfit maybe we will name him this week before she leaves for Germany. It’s too Soft made his usually political statement and came as a government bailout plan can you get George to send us some money for beer?? Cums on I Lean and Just I Lean reversed their roles and allowed Cums on I Lean to wear the pants in the family for one hash. We got everyone together outside and our obliging hares ran the circle giving mis-directions for our lovely pack to follow. I had to put my bag in the shag wagon so when I got back the pack was gone but Mount Schwiiiinga I heard was one of our FBI’s today. Ménage a Twat and 2 Tickets to Pair Thighs were pirates out scouring the trail for a little booty on trail hopeful The Great Lochness Cockster obliged them later on in the night. KGB, Crop Duster, and Just I Lean seemed to be FRB’s most of the day but Crop Duster was laying his own trail with a mysterious white powder trailing from his behind. Eventually we made our way to the on in which was the house/condo of KGB? Hashers sucked down beer and ate the sweets left out by our hares. The pack put a big stink into that place and like usually hashers we left soon after that.

We got back to the bar and were thankful for the $5 pitchers of beer that we drank. Calvin Klein and The Enema Canal got the circle going and the bar even opened the downstairs bars so pitchers could be refilled quickly. International Virgin was asked to flap for us and soon More Tail and Rotten Whore showed up in from trail, but did Rotten really run the trail in High Heels? Poultry Fucker was the birthday girl today which why we left early today. We had some visitors from Silicon Valley Cervix so Laid and Barking Sphincter Monkey. Princess Labia kept yelling buy breast fest gear but couldn’t be heard over the yelling from Dickens Cider. R-Tard-E rode the short bus to the hash today and forgot his costume, and Virgin Banger wrote him a ticket for lack of hash spirit. There were many more people in attendance but I had to leave for someone’s Birthday dinner see you this SUNDAY at NOON for the BEARS game 1 pm’ish for the Mismanagement Meeting and 2 pm for the hash

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM