Category: Tale of the Trail

Chicago hash Tale of the Trail 11.2.08 and Tuesday Election Party

Nov. 2, 2008 Bar Atlantic
HARES: I Like Dick, R-Tard-E
VIRGINS: Just Jennifer, Just Damon, Just Hooper
VISITORS: Rub My Disc
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Bra, Calvin Klein, Mouthful of Meat, It’s Too Soft, Horn-e, Up Loader, Soggy Deposit, Are they Real, Cumma Slutra, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Hoosier Daddy, Crop Duster, Snatchsquatch, Just Kat, W’All Bang’her, Just Ira, More Tail, KGB, Just Taylor, Mudsucker, Dry Erase Board
TOTAL HASHERS – 29 yes there were 29 hashers on such a nice day!!!!!

Today the hash started early with some of us getting together to watch the Bears play and eventually win against the Lions. Stupidman, Calvin Klein, and I watched the Bears pull of the fantastic finish. 29 hashers eventually hashed today with I Like Dick playing the part of interpreter for R-Tard-E who spoke R-Tard-ese. The circle was a little different today with I like Dick bouncing around the circle asking for names but it seemed to work. The pack was off and Stupidman, Calvin Klein, and I went back inside to watch the game. After the game we walked to the beer stop and ran into Mouthful of Meat, Just Taylor, Dry Erase Board, and Erin Go Bra coming back to the bar. Mouthful of Meat perturbed because she missed the beer stop so we took them back to the parking garage and found the pack drinking on the roof. Just Jennifer and Just Damon said they had a good time and will be back in the future and Up Loader gets the award this year for bringing many virgins to the hash. His virgin Just Hooper also had a good time and he was seen later talking with a 2nd time running Just Kat in circle hopefully we will see them many times in the future months.

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HASH TRASH
CHICAGO TALE OF THE TRAIL 10/26/08

Oct. 26, 2008 Pumping Company

HARES: Virtually Hung, Bloody thighs

VIRGINS: Just Kat

VISITORS: Cervix so laid, Barking Sphincter from Mars (Silicon Valley)

HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Ez Sunday, Just Ira, W’All Bangher, Rhotan, Super Stuff’her, Menage a Twat, R-Tard-E, Horn-e, Soar Balls, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Just I Lean, Mudsucker, Good Swallow, Sir Poops A Lot, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Virgin Banger, Buffalo Nuts, Rearguard, Crop Duster, Mouthful of Meat, More Tail, Rotten Whore, Motorwhora, Hoosier Daddy, Glory Hole, Cums on I Lean, Special Head, Bush Lite, Mount Schwiiiinga, Snatchsquatch, It’s Too Soft, Poultry F*cker, Chicken Stiffer, Cumma Slutra, Just Allen, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Dickens Cider, KGB, Magnetic Muff, The Enema Canal, Princess Labia, 69-cent Man, 2 tickets to pair-a-thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, International Virgin, Kunta Kinta

TOTAL HASHERS- 54

The Hash stars were in alignment and the CH3 joined with 2nd city this past weekend for the annual Halloween Hash and celebrate CHICAGO HASHES 1569 hash!!!! The Hash saw roughly 55 hashers come out and run around the Rogers Park neighborhood. Many memorable costumes were worn. Our Hares Virtually Hung and Bloody Thighs were Elvis and a witch respectively and other memorable people were Glory Hole as Quimby the Mayor from the Simpson’s or Mouthful of Meat looking like a ladybug. Horn-e and Rhotan stood together and came as Jack Lemon and Walter Matheiu from the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. Just Ira was cute in her German beer wench outfit maybe we will name him this week before she leaves for Germany. It’s too Soft made his usually political statement and came as a government bailout plan can you get George to send us some money for beer?? Cums on I Lean and Just I Lean reversed their roles and allowed Cums on I Lean to wear the pants in the family for one hash. We got everyone together outside and our obliging hares ran the circle giving mis-directions for our lovely pack to follow. I had to put my bag in the shag wagon so when I got back the pack was gone but Mount Schwiiiinga I heard was one of our FBI’s today. Ménage a Twat and 2 Tickets to Pair Thighs were pirates out scouring the trail for a little booty on trail hopeful The Great Lochness Cockster obliged them later on in the night. KGB, Crop Duster, and Just I Lean seemed to be FRB’s most of the day but Crop Duster was laying his own trail with a mysterious white powder trailing from his behind. Eventually we made our way to the on in which was the house/condo of KGB? Hashers sucked down beer and ate the sweets left out by our hares. The pack put a big stink into that place and like usually hashers we left soon after that.

We got back to the bar and were thankful for the $5 pitchers of beer that we drank. Calvin Klein and The Enema Canal got the circle going and the bar even opened the downstairs bars so pitchers could be refilled quickly. International Virgin was asked to flap for us and soon More Tail and Rotten Whore showed up in from trail, but did Rotten really run the trail in High Heels? Poultry Fucker was the birthday girl today which why we left early today. We had some visitors from Silicon Valley Cervix so Laid and Barking Sphincter Monkey. Princess Labia kept yelling buy breast fest gear but couldn’t be heard over the yelling from Dickens Cider. R-Tard-E rode the short bus to the hash today and forgot his costume, and Virgin Banger wrote him a ticket for lack of hash spirit. There were many more people in attendance but I had to leave for someone’s Birthday dinner see you this SUNDAY at NOON for the BEARS game 1 pm’ish for the Mismanagement Meeting and 2 pm for the hash

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash – Oct. 12, 2008
Chicago #1568 @ Stocks and Blondes

HARES: Mudsucker, Magnetic Muff, Glory Hole
VIRGINS: Just Taylor, Just Tina, Just Sadie
VISITORS: Balut & GDWB (Houston), Erin Go Buff ( Honolulu) Halley’s Comet (Bell Scott), Designated Driver (Lansing), Belching Semen (Whitehouse hash)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Ginger Snatch, Horn-e, Super Stuf’her Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Santchsquatch, Uploader, Just Shaina, Just Nicole, Just Joel, Just Alexis, Virtually Hung, Princess Labia, The Enema Canal, Discharged Seamen, Ez on the Ass, Cumma Slutra, Crop Duster, It’s Too Soft, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porcelain God,

TOTAL HASHERS – 37

Today 37 hashers came out to the Sunday fun and some started even earlier that usually. The Hash activities started today with a few hashers making their way to 33rd and the Dan Ryan to cheer marathoners and hand out water and beer today. The first wave of runners really went for that water but the second wave were surprised and pleased to have that beer. The hash cleaned up around 1 pm and made their way via the Red line to the downtown starting point for the hash. Stocks and Blondes informed us that the keg would not work because the CO2 was out. I got them to give us 165 bottles of beer for the same price the $160 we were to pay for the keg and all was good.

Our hares today GLORY HOLE, MAGNETIC MUFF, and MUDSUCKER laid a trail with a turkey and eagle portion to it so our marathon runners could attend and other hashers could get a run in. JUST TAYLOR just in from Orlando joined us to day after being in Chicago for no more that 4 days. WE also met virgins JUST SADIE and JUST TINA in the bar celebrating JUST TINA’s marathon finish. JUST SHAINA and I decided to watch peoples bags and the Bears game that they lost along with WRAPPER SNATCHER and eventual CROP DUSTER. I am glad I decided not to run because I meet BALUT and GDWB in from the Houston Hash for a couple of days but the could not stay for circle. BALUT has an interesting name look it up on line here
http://en.wikipedia .org/wiki/ Balut

The pack was off and the small crew inside the bar was joined by EZ on the ASS and CUMMA SLUTRA and we all waited for the rest of the pack to make their way around trail and join us. The FRB’s were SNATCHSQUATCH and SUPER STUF’HER soon followed by CUMS on I LEAN and JUST I LEAN with his side kick R-TARD-E. BELCHING SEMEN announced her presence in a typical loud style which was echoed by ERIN GO BUFF in from Honolulu. I heard that HALLEY’s COMET and JUST NICOLE loved the smell of the Chicago alleys they ran thru and even saw a rat or 2 along the way.

Today also saw the return of JUST ALEXIS our peeing queen who has been out the last several weeks because she hurt her knees somehow? THE ENEMA CANAL played the part of the RA and his side kick PRINCESS LABIA was faithfully at his side. UPLOADER was his usually loud self screaming obscenities and mooning the whole circle at least 20 times or was that the homeless guy outside the window? Over all we had a great time and will see you next week.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash
Chicago #1567
Oct. 5, 2008 House of Batteries

HARES: Calvin Klein and Batteries not Included
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Film @ 11-Baltimore, Neon- Panama Hash,
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Ginger Snatch, Bloody Thighs, Mudsucker, I Like Dick, Just Tina, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuf’her, KGB, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E

TOTAL HASHERS= 21

Great hash today, I’m sure if the rain hadn’t scared a few people away we would have had our usually 30 hashers out on a Sunday trail. The Pack met at the bar and NEON was our first arriver. She looked anxious because she was hanging out at the door just waiting to run. The bar even made her play taps before she left for circle for the dead in the water Detroit Lions that the BEARS were killing today. CALVIN left 10 minutes before the pack did so he could set live trail with flour and BATTERIES conducted the chalk talk. All were set but we needed to introduce our hashers and give the visitors FILM @ 11 and NEON directions on how to follow our CH3 trail. LIFA led the pack out along with SIR POOPS A LOT and the rain started to subside and was replaced with the sun??? Trail went SE towards the Clark and Division red line stop with the pack following HORN-E and his blown horn. FILM @ 11 was seen stripping near this corner for $$$?? but it turned out she was only warm from the run. W’ALL BANGER bit the dust on this trail trying to accelerate around a corner she hit the wall in turn 3 and blew a wheel. KGB found the trail was now running east towards the lake and everyone was expecting a little hashing on the lakefront.

Our hares were a little too smart for that and circled back west away from the lake catching most of the pack looking east except for the CHICKEN STIFFER who ran into blobs of flour I went west on this unknown trail and HORN-E went east unfortunately he was not on and the trail continued in a NW direction until it ran behind the CHICAGO HISTORICAL SOCIETY. I even had time to run back and mark the last two checks and splits so the pack led by GINGER SNATCH could catch up. R-TARD-E played the part of HOT PANTS today running trail in his gym shoes and jeans. The trail here ran through the Lincoln Park area that has a statue of Ulysses S. Grant in it while Grant Park has a statue of Abraham Lincoln in it, odd huh? Trail continued north and then ran thru the zoo and our visit! ors were amazed that the zoo was free, that is the beauty of the Lincoln Park Zoo. Finally the trail came out of the zoo and BN was seen at last with the beer stop in the arboretum just north of the zoo. JUST I LEAN met us there with the hare CALVIN KLEIN!!! Soon hasher like BLOODY THIGHS and KGB were joining the FRB’s in downing a few beers before we ran over to the house of BATTERIES for circle and Yucca.

The house of BATTERIES found us with I LIKE DICK and JUST TINA waiting for us and soon we were joined with SUPER STUF’HER and MUDSUCKER as well. CALVIN ran the circle with the FRB being CHICKEN and DFL was W’ALL BANGER with the bum wheel trailing behind her. Our visitors were brought out and FILM @ 11 got her name for having sex on a fire engine that made the 11 o’clock news in Baltimore. NEON will only be here until Friday so come out and say goodbye to her on Thursday. I LIKE DICK had to drink every other down-down for refusing to run a CALVIN trail that only went about four-miles CALVIN kept the circle going and BATTERIES was cooking the pizzas, the YUCCA was started by LIFA and soon the whole circle was drinking YUCCA, but can anyone explain why in YUCCA the limes sank and the oranges and lemons floated??? BIG HASH MYSTERY that needs to be solved!!! Maybe more YUCCA at ANTHRAX HASH DEC. 20, 2008. The YUCCA was cared for and burped by CUMS on I LEAN today she treated the Yucca like a newborn with care and love as she cradled it to her bosom. CALVIN had a few more accusations and MOUTHFUL of MEAT was caught for auto hashing and LIFA and HOOSIER DADDY sang a train riding song because they took Metra to the hash. SEE you all next week at the MARATHON hash DOWNTOWN!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

“Smells like Foot Locker”. ‘Nuff said, dems is NEW SHOES!!!
HASH TRASH
CHICAGO #1566
Monday Sept. 29, 2008 @ Flounders
HARES: Virtually Hung, Mount Schwiiinga
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Hot Lips, Neon- Panama Hash, Soggy Deposit- Madison
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Sperm Diversion, Porcelain God, Barks on all Fours, Just Hee-Jai, Just John, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, International Virgin, Glory Hole, Magnetic Muff, Crop Duster, R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Milk My Yak, Uploader, One Handed Typist, Its Too Soft, Just Eileen, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey,
TOTAL HASHERS =25
The day started off with heavy rains and cooler weather but as predicted the clouds and rains subsided and gave us a beautiful night for hashing which was preceeded by a White Sox winner and another game set for Tuesday!! The pack soon gathered at the appointed place and after watching the Sox win over the tigers we were ready to run. Our visitor NEON brought a horn that was longer and louder than even our own HORN-E. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA gave us our chalk talk and JUST I LEAN was confused about his name calling himself “CROP DUSTER” tonight?
The pack was off to the west with the real CROP DUSTER leading us over the Chicago River. The first split was found at Webster and Ashland I went north and was rewarded with an arrow once I crossed the river again so I was on!! SPERM DIVERSION and the PORCELAIN GOD were hot on my CHICKEN TAIL but we got slowed down with our first check at the next corner. I chose correctly again and was soon by myself running on Southport. I could hear the Horn of NEON behind us cutting through the night air keeping the pack together.
The trail snaked back and forth through the Lincoln Park green zone using alleys and even circle jerked around a park on Racine and Webster. Eventually the trail wound up at a check on Armitage with true trail going south and then back NW until it got to the corner of Armitage and Clybourn. The trail went west and ended at a beer stop on railroad tracks near the steel plant on the river. MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, SCHWIIINGA, and VIRTUALLY HUNG greeted us there with Bud and Lite beer. We drank our bellies full and were off through a crack in a fence JUST HEE-JAI was able to navigate the gate along with many of the other hashers.
We got back to the bar and Just Lisa our bartender was quick on the draw when it came to pitchers. INTERNATIOANL VIRGIN was on the run but seemed to take off early but we did miss her. JUST JOHN and JUST HEE-JAI were called in for being two timers. Our visitors HOT LIPS, NEON, and SOGGY DEPOSIST gave us a nice look at their bums when it came time for joke, a song or a body part!!! ITS TOO SOFT, MILK, BARKS, and JUST EILEEN were our non-runners tonight. CHICKEN was the FRB.
UPLOADER and SOGGY DEPOSIST drank together because when one Madison hasher drinks all Madison hashers drink. ONE HANDED TYPIST and PORCELAIN GOD were our Reboots. CROP DUSTER drank for semi-new shoes? All had fun but the funniest thing came last when little hashers were left. The hash on October 26th will see a name off between CROP DUSTER and JUST I LEAN. The winner of this contest will retain the name CROP DUSTER and the Loser will be named JUST I LEAN. The contest will be judged on best costume and whatever extra’s they come up with for our entertainment! !! Good luck Gentlemen and may the best hasher win!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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Tale of the Trail – Chicago JV Hash #4

Sept. 27, 2008 Casa De W’All Bangher

HARES: Just Ira, Virtually Hung, W’all Bangher
VIRGINS: Just Allen
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHERS: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Chicken Stiffer, Speckle Bird, Just Joel, R-Tard-E, Just Amy, Ginger Snatch, Lifa, Bloody Thighs, Poultry F*cker, Its Too Soft, Just Carolyn, Magnetic Muff, Sit-N-Pee, Squeeze on out

TOTAL HASHERS= 20

Today the weather hit 80-degrees and 20 hashers joined together on the far northern border of CHICAGO to hash an area that we have not been in for many years. Our Hares really showed us a great trail using beaches, walkways, indoor shopping centers, and even a cemetery for their trail. The pack joined together near the Red line el-stop of Jarvis and by 1:30 pm we were off. LIFA was the FRB from the first second and never gave up that tag. We went south and back under the red line and quickly turned west with POULTRY F*CKER picking up the whiff of a trail that led us to a Chicago park on Clark? VIRTUALLY HUNG had a sadistic mind today because he made the trail criss-cross itself so many times that Veteran hasher LIFA was confused. BLOODY THIGHS got the trail correct and had us running east again towards the lake and what looked to be a MILK-MY-YAK convention due to all the kayaks at the next park. Trail here ran onto a beach and GINGER SNATCH led us over a private beach with the owners giving us dirty looks as we blew or whistles and ran on to our exit. The sign on the ground said SN, which stood for SHOTS NEAR, and the stop was on a site over looking the beautiful LAKE MICHIGAN. We had Jell-O Shots and Vodka drinks waiting for us!!!
We enjoyed the scenery and we were off. The trail used the Howard Street parking garage and the walkway over the street, which led us to a cemetery run with a turkey-eagle split. R-TARD-E and I were gassed so we took the turkey trail but the others ran the eagle trail. Overall we ran 5-6 miles but it was a gorgeous day so not many complaints from the pack were heard. The next beer stop was in Evanston on the lakefront again. Empty bottles of Corona taunted LIFA, as he had to accept a Miller Lite instead. JUST AMY and GINGER SNATCH were our FBI’s to this stop and JUST IRA brought out the beer for us.
The pack was off shortly again and we ran back to the house of W’ALL BAGHER, which was conveniently back at the first shot stop. This ON-IN might be voted he best on-in for the year with burgers and brats on the lakefront at her private residence. Please check out the pictures from ITS TOO SOFT. The only hiccup of the day was the tapper not fitting the keg but we made do with the several cases of beer that were lying around. The circle punished the hares several times but even CALVIN was impressed with the on-in and expressed his pleasure of the venue. HOT LIPS was our visitor today and MAGNETIC MUFF was our DFL, but after a short circle we munched on the chips and food that was provided for us.

See you on MONDAY!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash Sept. 22, 2008 Casa De Stumpy
HARES: Stumpy and Virgin Banger
VIRGINS: Just Joe, Just Jessica, Just John, Just Hee-Jai, Just Julian
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Shaina, Poultry F*cker, Glory Hole, Sir Poops A lot, Calvin and Hobbes, Batteries Not Included, R-tard-E, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Virtually Hung, 69-cent Man, Carpet Shagger, Princess Labia, Ernest Cummingway, Likes It On the Bottom, Horn-E, It’s Too Soft, Renta Virgin, Cums On I Lean, Bella (Carry On), Just I Lean, Mount Schwinga, Crop Duster, Bank of Spermeica,
TOTAL HASHERS= 32
The hash tonight celebrated the birthday of VIRGIN BANGER and STUMP HUMPER two excellent hashers both turned 27 tonight congratulations. 32 hashers came out for the run and celebrations with 5 virgins joining us most of them came because of RENTA VIRGIN!!! The trail was a fine showing of the Loyola Campus and Rogers Park. We did a quick chalk talk and in the midst of it CROP DUSTER showed up on his bike as usually sweaty and out of breathe. After our instructions we were off with 69-CENT MAN leading us out to the first check. I went NW but was soon called back by CARPET SHAGGER because the trail went east. VIRTUALLY HUNG and GLORY HOLE looked to be leading at this point with HORN-E trying to keep up. The trail ducked under a fence now I was FRB. Trail ran towards the lake and finally did cross Sheridan and ran behind some bar looking place on the lake maybe a good place for future summer on in. It was here I lost the pack and became the FRB.
Trail ran thru the Loyola campus and had a false trial towards the parking garage true trail ran north and behind the soccer/track field. Here there was a split and the trail ran over some rock behind an Apartment building on the lake and up the beach on the north side. Trail from here ran west and south until we came close to the corner of Devon and Clark where PRINCESS LABIA waited with the beer. CHICKEN the FRB waited for the pack on our next hasher in was JUST SHAINA so now we had our FRB and FBI. Soon the pack followed with BANK OF SPERMERICA, CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, and others rolling in. Our virgin Just HEE-JAI made it quickly to the beer stop as well. We sat under the street lights sucking on our beers for about ten minutes when SNATCHSQUATCH and R-TARD-E showed up late where had they been and what they were doing was up for debate but they did find the beer stop the goal of any hasher.
The pack made it back to the ON-IN where CALVIN our RA led us in circle and soon had our FRB and FBI out. The DFL’s were GUESS whom R-TARD and SNATCHSQUATCH. OUR virgins Just Joe, Just Jessica, Just John, Just Hee-Jai, and Just Julian learned what a down down was from the woman formerly known as I’M LATE AGAIN. IT’S TOO SOFT made it in his high collared shirt and tie with MOUNT SCHWINGA who won an award for best dressed hasher at some event. RENTA VIRGIN was in some kind of orgy tonight because she made all the virgins cum and PRINCESS LABIA kept shouting buy raffle tickets!! Overall it was a great backyard hash that lasted until the neighbor couldn’t stand us anymore.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

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Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1564

Hash Trash
Sept. 15, 2008 The Levee
HARES: 69-cent man, Chicken Stiffer
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: CUmLord, Dick long and prosper, Pussy Galore
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, Virtually Hung, Lifa, Sir poops, Just Rolando, Horn-e, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, Carpet Shagger, Crop Duster, Just Dennis, MudSucker

TOTAL HASHERS – 17

Well the Hash Happened, but I do not know how the trail went because I manned the beer stop tonight. I can definetly saw I was in the minority tonight with Mexicans on all the street corners waving flags and celebrating Mexican Independence Day. A little bird did tell me that the trail was short and shitty with numerous small marks hidden along the way laid by master hare 69-Cent Man. Our FRB was Horn-e and LIFA with CUMS ON I LEAN using her bike to complete the trail because there were no walkers. SIR POOPS complained bitterly that we were serving MGD and he wanted TECATE to celebrate the day!!!! We made it back to the on-in and there was MUDSUCKER and ITS TOO SOFT waiting for us!!! We had a short circle and some fun. Quote of the night by ITS TOO SOFT “Is the Iowa? No its West Chicago.”

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CUBS WIN 7-6 over the hapless BREWERS!!!!