Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1562

Hash Trash Chicago #1562
4th Annual Labor Day Hash @ Party Central SkyDeck

Hares: The CH3 Hare Triumvirate – It’s Too Soft (Lincoln Park Party Dude Extraordinaire), Lifa (CH3 Master Hare Level VII) and Just I Lean (CH3 Hare Rookie of the Year)

Hashers: Are They Real, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Cunt & Pasties, Cums On I Lean, Enema Canal, Free VD, Ginger Snatch, Grrreat Loch Ness Cockster, Happy Ass Grabber, Hoosier Daddy, I Like Dick, Just Brad, Just Chris, Just Joel, Just Joy, Just Nate, Just Rob, Magnetic Muff, Moan On Trail, Mudsucker, Odor Eater, Packher Ass, R Tard E, Rent-a-Virgin, Snatch Squatch, Special Head, Virgin Banger

Visitors: Davey Crochet (Atlanta), Choo Choo Caboose (Atlanta), Cookie Cumster (Waukesha), Drop Dead Hummer (Big Hump), Just Tim (Big Hump), Just Virginia (Madison), Return to Gender (Madison), Smell This (New York)

Chicago Hashers = 31
Visitors = 8
Total = 39!!

Absolutely perfect weather conspired to ruin what would have been an otherwise okay hash as the expected 20-25 die hards (we had 33 last year) swelled to 39 which like totally blew out our keg and Party Central had to dig into the backup food reserves, but I digress.

We started out with 26 die hards who made it out to Party Central to savor the glory of a freshly-tapped half barrel of Miller High Life before the hash started. What was intended to be entertainment for our locals has apparently turned into a visitor event too as we had NINE visitors show up for this, and not just random visitors in town for something else but peeps that wanted to come to this hash!

The first to show up were my co-hares Lifa and Just I Lean just after 11am. After a lively discussion about where to run trail and have a beer stop they headed out to lay Labor Day IV. I stayed back at Party Central to setup for the epic partyage that was to cum. The first non-hare to show was R Tard E who arrived just after 12:30 and helped with the keg run to Sam’s. Then arrived our visitors from Big Hump Drop Dead Hummer and Just Tim who drove five hours to catch CH3 Labor Day IV got to help out too and witness the Party Central Keg Hoist in action.

Soon other hashers started to filter in and the keg was tapped. Just when ya thought it was gonna stay sane, more visitors started showing up too. We had Party Central die hard Davey Crochet and his wingman Just Tim in from Atlanta. Then my good buddy and frequent CH3 event crasher at Party Central, Return to Gender and his sidekick Just Virginia rolled in from Madison. Lastly to my great surprise one of my favorite Waukesha hashers, Cookie Cumster showed up with her Chicago friend Just Joy.

After a quick chalk talk where we once again busted out the PPC bullhorn followed by a lightining round of introductions, the pack headed out East on my alley towards the lakefront and Lincoln Park, da actual park, not da hood. Things were going well as the pack enjoyed a scenic tour down the lakefront in the park until those incorrigible scoundrels from the dreaded Thirstday Hash hijacked the trail 15 feet off of the bike path and had an impromptu vodka pink lemonade stop to promote their upcoming Pink Dress Run. On a hot summer day the lemonade was greatly appreciated however I think the “trace levels” of vodka that it was spiked with were well below the EPA-allowable limit for vodka in drinking water from Lake Michigan, measurable only in parts per billion.

The pack then headed back on trail and got to the official CH3 beer stop in Oz Park by Lincoln Park High School where Ginger Snatch caught up with us to enjoy the greatness of Busch in cans. For some reason Calvin Klein remained MIA despite extensive marking and sweeping by the hares. This is not good because when you lose the RA on trail you know the hares will be punished with a veritable hailstorm of down-downs!

After that it was back to the Party Central SkyDeck with a straight shot North (Lifa pretty much acknowleged that anything other than straight back will be ignored by the pack).

Once back Calvin led another one of his great circles where the hares had enough down downs to fell a small elephant. We were joined by a slew of unexpected nonrunners (on top of the unexpected visitors) like Smell This & Cunt & Pasties, Mudsucker, Virgin Banger & Rent-a-Virgin, and even Indiana transplant Moan on Trail and her new roomie Just Chris.

After the circle, the pack was unleashed on the Party Central board of fare which included grilled lemon pepper marinade chicken breast bruchetta, barbecued marinade shrimp (yes Aussie fans, we had “shrimp on the barbie”), Italian pasta salad (thanks to Packer Ass), the infamous Fuji ultra-garlic carbo-load mostaccoli, and other snacks including Batteries’ spectacular artichoke dip. The pack was ravenous and all the food disappeared pretty much as soon as it was put out. Mad props to R Tard E for yet another great performance as grille master.

Due to the unexpectedly high turnout the keg was killed right as the circle was ending and Happy Ass Grabber stepped up to do a beer run coming back with four more 30 packs of the good stuff to keep the party going. After many rounds of flippy cup racing the pack consumed all the replacement beer and everyone headed back home, in good spirits.

Next year, if the weather is nice, I will learn my lesson and get TWO KEGS for 5th Annual Labor Hash in 2009!

In the meantime, a really fun campout hash is coming in two weeks, Indiana Intrahash in West Lafayette (only two hours South of Chicago!). http://www.indyhhh.com/intrahash.php

Party on on,
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers

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