Category: Horn E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

I walked into Kelly’s and the room had a lot of people standing around in running clothes, but who were they. New faces everywhere. Was our hare, Super Stuffer stuffing them in from joggers going by? Was the other hare Wizard Sleeves…., oh never mind. Yes, a virgin hare with wizard sleeves.
It looks like 15 regular hounds, one visitor, and eight virgins. Nice crowd, now if we only don’t lose all of the virgins on trail.
We didn’t lose the virgins thanks to a trail that kept most of the pack together. We started out down the alley to the south and then headed west as the pack strung out. As the pack headed down an alley, Lifa headed down the previous street, ranging again, and it worked and he got to a Check and apparently picked right in heading straight. But the pack was scattered looking for marks and we all took off to the south and into some angled streets and alleys. I got to the end of the block where the angled streets started and there was Lifa coming out of another street, blowing his weasle. I followed along with Muffin The Mule and we headed southeast again. This led to another alley and finally out to Sheffield. The trail was on the west side of the street and Chicken Stiffer was already on the east side of the street. At Clybourn there was a Check and trail apparently did go east and south down a long alley. Horn-E was falling way behind and caught the light. By the time he got to the alley, the leaders were already at the end of this long alley and the only hashers close were Just Mo and 10K Tika Ho. So he followed and 10K Tika Ho cut off into a parking lot. Horn-E followed and she was gone when he emerged. and there were no marks. Looking back towards the Check he noticed the hare, Super Stuffer and two others heading west from the Check. Returning to the Check, it was marked to the west, past Goose Island and over to the industrial area and then south on the tracks. At the end of the tracks there was a Check. Goldilocks was already returning from the west so Horn-E led some across the street and headed across the street to the other Goose Island. The one that is actually an island and not a brewery. As he approached the far end, the On call was called to the east. But this just went back north and here was the hare hiding behind a building with Hoosier Daddy and Poultry Fucker who was just walking. I didn’t see her again so maybe she couldn’t resist the mall and went shopping. As we headed north, we apparently just looped back over the out trail and got there just in time to rescue the DFL, Its Too Soft and saved him from doing the loop. Trail went on to the north and eventually into an area by heaps of crushed cars and scrap metal. Hear we heard a loud speaker telling us it was private property and to please leave. Well, at the far end of the private property there was a Check that took a bit to find because we stumbled onto a False trail coming off of the Check. Back to the Check, runners scattered and it was finally found to the west and then south just before the bridge. This led to a quick Check that apparently didn’t fool anyone. At least it was found by the time I got there with Goldilocks. About two blocks later was another Check and it was a long song check. Uploader led us in ‘Monday is a Wanking Day.’ Well done.
From here the trail was called to the north and we went to Webster and then to the east. Back to the bar? No. We headed north to a Check. By the time I got there, everyone was returning from all directions west and north and so we headed to the east. As we approached the next corner I saw Chicken Stiffer heading north, but I didn’t see any marks going that way. Huh. Trail apparently went east and we were soon on and then to the north and another Check. From here trail headed east on Fullerton and we passed a BN. Great. Another block and there was a Split. Some headed east and some headed north. North was on and two blocks later we were at the beer stop in an alley. Suddenly Chicken Stiffer came around the corner from the east, followed by Lifa. Hmmm. Did they assume the beer stop was at Its Too Soft’s place. Not. Finally we were all there. And then Rhotan and Calvin Klein showed up. To lazy to run with us, but they walked over for the free beer on the hares.
Speaking of non running wussies, you can add in Slippery Box, Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Fall On My
Wood, and our GM (?) Fistful Of Pricks.
Back at Kelly’s we headed into the beer tent where Calvin Klein attempted to run a decent circle. Rhotan intended to disrupt the circle at every opportunity. They both succeeded, or failed. When I got home I found an email from Rhotan that said he was going to try to hijack either our trail or circle. But Calvin Klein somehow managed to carry on and our hares got every other down down. He got Wizard Sleeves so drunk that she led us in a new Tit song after circle. Well done. And we did manage to sing several other long songs. But I am ahead of myself. We were also introduced to our visitor, Type A Hole. Then the virgins and newly moved to Chicago which included, Just Ben, Just Ryan, Just Katie, the munchkins Just Lisa and Just Beth, Just David, and two from the United Kingdom, Just Greg and Just Victoria. Welcome one and all and join us back in Chicago and many of our other local hashes.
Others who ran included Ginger Snatch, The Dark Kunt, Just Kevin, Soggy Deposits and Hump Me Dump Me. After circle and the late singing, we headed back into the bar and slowly left. A good time for such a shitty trail.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 31 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E
Another hash with a decent turnout. Do you think the idea of a costume run has anything to do with it. Hey, we hash every week. This one was hared by Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included. By Calvin Klein’s GPS, it was three miles. Of course, that including walking around and setting all of the Falses. Lets say, about 2.25. But I only went off on one Check. We did head south a block and our unicorn, Just Anna led us to a Check at the first street east of the El tracks . From here we headed over to Sheridan Rd. for another Check. Again the trail went straight, but this was just a short loop over to the path along the lake and right back to Sheridan Rd and back across it. We then headed north in an alley and over to Loyola campus for another Check. The pack guessed right and into the campus we went where we found another Check. But this was right out of the campus and across Sheridan Rd. We did go north another block to Albion and then straight to another Check at Glenwood. From here it was almost straight south and then east to the On In. And here we had the most exciting thing happen on trail. In honor of the on going World Series, Horn-E tried to slide into home, head first. On the sidewalk. That’s his story and he is sticking to it. But according to 10 K Tika Ho, following along here, she saw Willie Nelson jogging along the sidewalk and trip on some crack. He needs to stick to grass. But he did do a flat out belly flop on the sidewalk. And that damn black and blue big toe tells more about the story then the conflicting stories. Meanwhile R-Tard-E came in DFL. There were some good costumes and possibly the best was EZ On The Ass who didn’t even run. But dressed as something dead. He even had Horn-E avoiding him.
Calvin Klein ran the circle and we all had fun. We were introduced to Just Mike and Jingle Balls, a transplant from Philadelphia. Congratulations for being stretched out on a torture rack to Way To Much Jism. The torture rack was four 12.5 mile loops on the south lakefront for a total of fifty miles on Sat. in under ten hours. That is like 2 marathons in five hours each. WWWEEELLLLLL DDDOOONNNEEE.
And no, she didn’t run the hash. She had trouble even walking and standing in circle. Other hashers who just showed up and didn’t run included Just Abby, Just Rob, Ten Dix With Wings and Just Mo who was dressed as a Christmas tree. I still want to see those wrapped presents under the tree.
Other hashers on trail included Ginger Snatch who was dressed as a strawberry. Hmmmm, strawberrys and cream. Super Stuffer, Mouthful Of Meat, Just Mary, Bloody Thighs, Up Loader, Its Too Soft and Just Adam. We also have to call out Salty Gash for riding her pony in the circle, The KGB for dressing as a Doctor and again winning worst costume just beating out Horn-E, and Lifa as a mangy horny hound humping women’s legs everywhere.
Then finally we reconvened the circle at the urging of Horn-E and EZ On The Ass for a naming of Just Anna. They had a perfect name for her and after EZ On The Ass told the story, it was unanimous and her name will forever be known as Wizard Sleeves. She’ll have to show you why.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

This trail was a live hare by Glory Hole out of O’lannagans. Another small pack of only 11 hounds that included one visitor and one virgin. So, only nine regulars. We took off in a small loop and back through the park and off to the north. At this point Crop Duster and Horn-E were playing catchup and we did under the El tracks. Trail went north to Lawrence and Western for a Check and Cumma Slutra found trail to the west and down an alley. The pack followed and even our virgin, Just Steve, was keeping up. Every once in a while I would hear this chattering coming up behind me. It was Hump Me Dump Me and Sandy Syphilis yakking like two old ladies at a quilting bee. They kept this up all through the hash and beer stop and circle. We headed north and down an alley heading east. As I got there, hashers were coming back down the alley. Must have been a Back Check. I’m glad to see so many hares are finally starting to use the Back Check lately as it is a great equalizer on trail and really can regroup the pack and gives new hounds a chance to lead. As we looked, Just Mary spotted a Check to the north. Great. We’re back of trail no matter how we got there. Horn-E went west and found nothing. Suddenly trail was found to the north and he paralleled for a block, just in time to see Lifa coming towards him. Got lucky there. So he led to the west and then north as Lifa caught and passed him. At Foster there was a Triple Split. Lifa went north and I didn’t see him again until just before the beer stop. Off trail again. Horn-E went west and was On. He headed towards the river and parkland ahead and Crop Duster passed him to lead into the park. This led to a nasty hare trick of a little loop and Crop Duster caught it. He would have led us out of there but he was soon chasing some young mom with her baby in the park. She already had one. She doesn’t need any more crops dusted. Meanwhile Horn-E wandered into the park and got us back on trail, temporarily. After a Split, he was practically on the mark heading north when he headed south to Argyle and the bridge over the river. At this point, our visitor, the infamous DR. Gonads, heard an On call to the north. Well, Horn-E paralleled to the west, assuming they would go west on Foster. Right. And there was a Triple Split coming out of the park/ball field area. Checked south. Nothing. Checked back east, over the bridge on the south side of it. Nothing. Checked west. Nothing. Damn hare. Finally headed south down an alley and was on. The pack still wasn’t in sight. Followed this trail south a block and back into the park and out at Lawrence. Trail went over the bridge to the east and then over the fence and a leap down of about four feet. Of course, you could just walk a little east and the wall went down to a foot drop. But I heard our tough Ex-Marine, Cumma Slutra, climbed over the fence and whined about the four foot drop. Or was it only three feet. But meanwhile, Horn-E ran ahead and spotted Lifa coming from the other direction and he spotted a Check. The ever alert Lifa had actually ran right past the hare sitting on a bench waiting for the beer stop. Yep. it happened just like that.
Now we had a problem. The beer was in the hares car, parked right across from a waiting squad car. Oooops. While we discussed options, the cop suddenly had to leave his hiding place and we quickly ran for the beer and took it into the trees where there were some logs to sit on and we waited for the rest of the pack. All was good. And they stumbled on it, Corn Star, SnatchSquatch, Just Mary and the rest of them.
It was here we heard the story of our visitors celebrity. Dr. Gonads was the infamous hasher arrested and almost prosecuted for laying Anthrax, or terrorists substances in an Ikea parking lot several years ago. This was a big story and hashers donated several thousand dollars to his defense fund.
From here it was a long walk back to the bar where we were met by the usual and unusual groupies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Its Too Soft, and ‘musical note here, Ten Dix With Wings. Then Calvin Klein held a circle. Two good highlights, Our visitor sang several songs including one made up for his adventures with the State’s Attorney from the dark side. And when Batteries Not Included heard who he was, I thought she would either have a kitten or an orgasm, yelling ‘its you, its you, its really you’. Our visitor was introduced, Just Steve and he got several down downs. He is a journalism student at Northwestern and wants to write a story about the hash for school. Here we go again. Infamy or notoriety. Use hash names only, to protect the innocent and guilty.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 3 Oct, 2010 by Horn-E

Lifa and Its Too Soft were hares for this hash out of Its Too Soft’s place. We had 16 hounds on trail, Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included opted to stay behind and watch TV. Its Too Soft drove over to the beer stop. Lifa swept on a bicycle. Horn-E, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker led at the start and pretty much to the first Check on Sheffield and Wellington. Horn-E managed to find the trail to the west and at a quick Split he went the wrong way and the trail headed back south and then west. But we weaved through a few gangways and soon we had our first Back Check at the end of an alley. This regrouped us as we then ran to a Check at Lincoln. Trail from here went south and west and worked its way towards Ashland finally running south in an alley to a narrow passage between a fence and a wall. Horn-E managed to be the first to squeeze through here and it was a real squeeze. We than headed across Ashland and a block west we headed north. Here is were that old fart broke down. As many know, I’ve had a bad knee over the last several months. Although I had an elastic bandage around the knee, running this way finally started to bring out my old injury, a bad ankle. I quit here and the hare told me where the beer stop was. Bye.
This was a big loop from a block west of Ashland to just before the outer drive on Diversey. A damn long walk. I did meet Mouthful Of Meat along the way, but she wasn’t interested in joining me as I headed for the beer stop. Television at Its Too Soft’s was more important. At the beer stop I got in just after R-Tard-E and Fistful Of Pricks who I saw heading to the beer. Everyone was there except, I believe Just Brendan, our virgin, Mount Schwiiinga and Beer Spill Valdez. And he never made it. Something about coming to a Split on trail that no one solved for him. So after weeping by himself for about ten minutes, he returned to Its Too Soft’s place. More TV. And after the circle, Beer Spill Valdez lived up to his name. Thanks to small holes in the top of cans and the swift moves of Its Too Soft and a fistful of paper towels, it wasn’t to bad. I did hear one other story about the trail. Slippery Box also whined about an injury. A muscle cramp. So she also got a hint on the beer stop. Then suddenly the cramp disappeared and she was FRB. Hmm!!!
At the finish, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker immediately disappeared. Visitors, Tranny Cock Kicker and Cums At Sixty grabbed a quick bite to eat and also left, for a long ride back to Iowa.
Calvin Klein finally got away from the TV to get us on the roof for a looong cold circle. We did have a visitor, Just Theo who helped drive our new cumer Sandy Syphillis to Chicago. Welcome. Just Brendan was also introduced. Welcome. Who else ran. SnatchSquatch was back out, Salty Gash, Just Ryan. We had a long list of posers besides those mentioned, with Hoosier Daddy, Fall On My Wood, Cumma Slutra. and Just Do Me Slowly. That is seven who didn’t run. Hey, this is a hash. Cum and run with us.
After the circle we finally got to some of Its Too Soft’s food. Good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 27 Sept, 2010 by Horn-E

We hashed out of Clarke’s and Slippery Box and Fall On My Wood were our hares. That left eight hounds at the start and one late comer Glory Hole whocaught the back of the pack at Wellington and Lincoln. We started out to the south with a mad dash through De Paul to a Check at Belden. This took a while to solve, but finally I heard Lifa calling On to the west and we ran on to Kenmore and then north to a Check at Jonquil Park at Lincoln and Wrightwood. By now we thought it was The Dark Kunt who led us here. But in Checking, Crop Duster was seen returning from the east and yelling that he already checked out everything east. Damn stealth FRBs. Horn-E then ran through the park to the north entrance and heard Lifa calling On to the west. and as he ran that way, he found marks that came from the east (?) and we all headed north on Seminary. Well, you get the idea, as we wound around all to familiar territory.
The marks were a little hard at times due to turns hidden around corners and in shadows. This almost led to a missed shot stop. Generally, marks should be easy between Checks and Splits so the runners can easily run without having to check around each and every corner. Along the way we missed one of these marks that apparently led across the street, from south side to north side. Having missed this turn, we ran on over a block before realizing we were off trail and there wasn’t any marks. If the lead runner was just a half block further he might have crossed the street and seen marks. These marks were after a shot stop. Some of us did walk back on trail before we crossed the street and Horn-E managed to see a turn into an alley. This was a quick loop down the alley to the shot stop and back to the same street. It could have easily been missed. Point: Don’t make you turns hard to see. You yourself would get pissed if you missed turns and especially a shot stop, and you wouldn’t be happy if you sat at a shot stop that no one found.
After the shot stop we were back on and up to Diversey. Here we had another Check that split up the pack. Several were off to the west. Someone went north and found a turn to the west and eventually On. But that person didn’t return to the corner to call out to the waiting pack, that left four Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly, Corn Star and Just Ryan standing there. We finally headed north when Horn-E noted that someone disappeared up that way. This almost permanently split the pack. We followed trail north to Wellington and Lincoln and another Check. This was marked and we headed west only to find the FRBs returning from a False. Back at the Check, we restarted checking. Horn-E went north with Just Ryan and found only one mark. Vote For Pedro did the same west and northwest. Upon returning, the pack was gone and no marks. About now we were joined by Glory Hole who came north on Lincoln. That left only one other way out and we headed south on the other side of Lincoln and found trail in an alley. Glory Hole left us behind. Damn fast SOB. Vote For Pedro was off on a parallel. Somehow Just Ryan and Horn-E were left alone in back and we hit a Check at Sheffield. Horn-E found trail to the east and went back for Just Ryan. It was only his second trail and we don’t want to lose newbies. Then we went to a Split at Diversey. Suddenly, Glory Hole and Vote For Pedro came up behind us. How we got ahead of them is beyond me, but I need to learn how to do that. From here we headed east and then south and finally to a Beer Stop in a little park on Wrightwood.
While we were drinking beer, and being noisy hashers, Vote for Pedro told us how a couple of old farts were on their porch bitching at him for running through a “QUIET” neighborhood. Fugem. But the more interesting part of the beer stop was Glory Hole and Crop Duster mounting The Dark Kunt in the dark. Just Do Me Slowly was blushing so much she lit up the area and they had to stop. Damn. Just when she was starting to squeal. So we finished our beer and went on to Clarke’s .
Back at the bar we found the usual late cumer, Its Too Soft and Way To Much Jism who quickly joined our pack. We gathered in the back and got into a lively circle led by Lifa. We were there to hash and circle and drink and the blaring TVs were virtually ignored. Yeah!!! After circle we drank more beer and ate and all was good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 20 Sept, 2010 by Horn-E

We ran from the Pitch on Clybourn. Hared by our own Hoosier Daddy, and a transplant, Way To Much Jism from Waukesha. And they don’t want to let her go. Three Waukesha hashers came all the way down to run her hash, cheer her on, and trash her in the circle. I can’t tell you anything about how the rest of the hash ran that trail as I didn’t see anyone on trail. I arrived during the circle and still had to change clothes. The pack ran off towards Southport and then south. Way To Much Jism told me that Hoosier Daddy would sweep. I ran into the bar and changed clothes and came out in pursuit. The first mark I saw was a straight line with two lines through it made with flour. Was this supposed to be true trail marks on a line instead of an arrow or a sloppy False. I tried False and went back only to find a flour circle. Was that a Check? And it wasn’t marked by the sweep. Nothing was throughout the whole trail. Isn’t that the purpose of the sweep, to mark the trail for anyone who falls way behind. Was this supposed to be a Check? Let’s assume so. I headed west and no marks. Cross the street and found one mark. The second mark looked like a Split, only coming from the other way. (?) I checked out all ways anyhow and found nothing. I next went back to that False/True Trail (?) mark and checked out the area. Nothing. So I headed north on Clybourn. One mark and nothing else. Next I headed over to Southport and found a mark heading north. This was on and it was now 8:00. No hope of ever catching the pack. Not even at a beer stop. I got lucky at the next unmarked Check at Fullerton and went right. and the next Split, right. This led to a gangway and no marks at the other end. (?) But I soon found it and now realized that every mark meant I had to check each intersection, whether there was a Split or not. I now found a Triple split and one direction looked like it was marked. It was true trail and this led to Wrightwood Park and another Split. Both directions apparently were On with one just running around a circle and into the other. (?) I found the exit from the park and there was a well lit, big white line pointing west. Yeah sure. Nothing anywhere. Upon returning, I noticed that it wasn’t a well lit, line pointing east, but a Split and the west portion was completely hidden in shadows. I ran ON to Ashland and another unmarked Check. West got me nowhere. South got me somewhere. Heading back to the bar. There was no way I was going to go on. I would have been out until 10:00 on that trail.
Back at the bar, the pack arrived about fifteen minutes later. They echoed my sentiments about the marks and told me that the hares were mostly up front helping the FRBs find trail instead of in back marking Checks and Splits. At least some of them. But the beer started to flow and at $5 PBR, all was good. R-Tard-E and Vote For Pedro tag teamed as RAs and got us through the circle. Somehow. We were introduced to our Virgin, Just Ryan. And he wanted more beer to chug. Good. Then we were introduced to the visitors from Waukesha, Bubbles, Saxamabone, and Just Cindy. And no, that was not Horn-E and Bubbles licking Just Cindy’s tits. The pictures all lie. We also met Just Keela (sp) who was there taking pictures for (?). There were two other visitors, Vote for Pedro from Texas and Bonor Malfunction former Chicago area hasher, now in Jacksonville or (?). After we finished the circle, we all settled into doing what hashers don’t need practice for, drinking the endless supply of beer. We had two non running hashers in Its Too Soft and EZ On The Ass who bought a pitcher of good beer. Thanks EZ. The hashers on trail, not already mentioned included Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, Flying Hooters, Corn Star, Ginger Snatch, Just Cindy, Just Mo, Just Amanda, and Chippendale

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 13 Sep. 2010 by Horn-E

All right, this one was different. Two separate hashes with the second part of the first the same as the first part of the second and then a joint finish. Are you confused. We were too. And to top off the confusion, it was an A to B which always causes logistics problems at the finish when people are getting ready to leave.
This was set by Soar Balls and The International Virgin out of Jefferson Tap on Milwaukee for the Eagles and Sidetracks or something like that on Montrose for the Turkeys. Soar Balls got the Eagles off first and then left them on their own. Five eagles, Lower Wackoff, Ginger Snatch, Lifa, Tampon Tampoff, and a virgin, Just Kevin. What happened? I don’t know. But they struggled on a few marks and they had no sweep. This made it especially hardon, or is it hard on, on the one late cumer, Crop Duster.
Meanwhile, The International Virgin was gathering the turkeys and getting them off. How, I’m not sure. But soon we gathered out front. This group also included a large group of Chicago Hashers, Just Do Me Slowly, Corn Star and Horn-E. But we did have two other experienced hashers with us, Bubbles and Rumpswinga from Waukesha. And three hot virgins, Just Laura, Just Kelly and Just Rachael. That’s eight hounds. We’ve had bigger Bushman hashes and Moon Hashes this year. We headed south where Corn Star was a real star as she found the first Split leading us under the Expressway. But there she picked wrong and Rumpswinga got us off to the west and then south to a Check at Irving Park. When we got there, Rumpswinga had already checked out the east. I guess we weren’t heading straight to the Independence Tap. I had that one figured out already. And it really did end there. Soar Balls was working and what better way to fill your tip jar then to bring the hash in on the night you are working. Not a bad idea though. The pop corn flowed all night. And we had good service. But I digress. Back on trail at the Check. Horn-E crossed Irving Park to find a Split. He was sure it went east, but with hounds already to the east, he went west. Damn, it did go east. But hashing is a cooperative event and so you sometimes have to check out what probably isn’t so others in a more advantaged position can check out the obvious. Meanwhile, Rumpswinga was off with Just Kelly and Just Laura to the north west. Bye. Meanwhile we finally headed north with a slight loop through a housing area and all of the way to Milwaukee and a beer stop. Our first and the eagle’s second. And there we waited until just as we were about to leave, the eagles arrived with Tampon Tampoff winning.
From here we finally headed out on the last stretch on in. Already guessing the Independence Tap, we leaned in that direction at the Splits and Checks. We went east in an alley and then north on a street (?). Here was a Check and the pack was scattered. I drifted east and sure enough someone called On. but where. Again lost, I drifted north in an alley and at the end I saw Lifa. He found another Check. He went west looking to call other hounds and Horn-E went east and eventually was ON. This led north and Tampon Tampoff passed Horn-E to another check at Irving Park. The Independence Tap is getting close, so Horn-E headed east under the expressway. False. So he crossed Irving Park and checked under the underpass and there was an arrow. ON. He waved and called to the distant pack and saw a flashlight wave, so he took off. Two blocks later was the Independence Tap. Yes, the lame old fart came in first. Pissed Tampon Tampoff off when he got there to find Horn-E waiting with glass in hand.
Eventually we all got in along with the non runners, Way To Much Jism, Just Cindy, and another virgin, Just Abby and Its Too Soft and EZ On The Ass. Lifa and EZ On The Ass led various parts of a typically shitty circle. We called out the hares, virgins and visitors and the usual numerous shiity down downs. Then we settled into some pop corn and beer. And then the inevitable problem of taking public transit back to the start just to pick up cars and then go home. And this was the one time a year when I had a car and I still had to take public transit.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail.
The Chicago Hash, 30 Aug, 2010 by Horn-E

It was a small crowd again at Kelly’s, but we had fifteen ready to go for it and chase down the live hares, Cumma Slutra & Porcelain God. We didn’t catch them. We took off up Sheffield and then immediately to the east in an alley. This led us through De Paul Campus where we regrouped at the first Check. Trail went out to Fullerton and through some alleys across Lincoln and up Halsted. There was a Triple Split at Wrightwood that really fucked up the pack for a bit. They headed right/east and into an alley. but suddenly they were returning. It was a False. We went back to the last Split, and searched everywhere, extensively. Nothing. Finally we returned to the alley and went past the F and found some marks and were back on trail.
Now here is the problem and a good opportunity to point out to everyone what the standard marks are in Chicago. F, as explained in the circle, means go back to Check. BC Back Check, or CB Check Back, or a fish hook arrow mean to check back along the trail for a missed or hidden mark. This can go back as far as the last Split, for the true trail. These are very effective in slowing down the FRBs and regroup the pack a bit. They also give some of the middle of the pack a chance to lead for a bit.
Actually it was about three blocks later when the pack found another F, but this time we knew how the hare was marking trail. We then ran up Clark to a Check at Diversey. As I arrived, someone said Chicken Stifer headed east. That was the last I saw of him. Just Mary headed north on Broadway and Horn-E went east on the north side of Diversey. At the first alley Horn-E headed back on the south side of the street. Suddenly Uploader was yelling On on the north side of the street. Horn-E must have missed some really well hidden arrows, as the whole pack was soon in pursuit. This took us north to Surf and over to the park for a Split. Pulling up the rear, I arrived and found no one in sight. I headed south and found marks and finally some of the pack waiting for those that went north. Trail went through this long parking lot and under the outer drive. Great spot for a beer stop on the breakwaters. but no one there. Just Mary led Horn-E and a pack of tail enders over the bridge to the south. We headed the four long blocks along the waterfront and the nice view until we hit Fullerton. Trail now went east and the T and E Split. Being lame, Horn-E led Just Mary to the east on the Turkey trail. Others eventually followed. There was a pack up front that did the eagle trail around the zoo. Meanwhile, we crossed Fullerton heading north. That was the last I saw of the visitor, Duck Duck Fuck. Somewhere around here, we also lost Corn Star with our Hash Cash. Oooops. Meanwhile Just Mary led us through the neighborhood streets until Lincoln. On Lincoln we headed north on both sides of the street and Horn-E finally took the lead as we hit Webster. Trail led through Oz Park and eventually the hill where the true FRBs were waiting and drinking beer. MIA were Chicken Stifer, Duck Duck Fuck & Corn Star. We finally finished our beer and headed back to the bar where we found the first two sitting on a pitcher of beer and staring at TV. Boring. We made the beer stop and enjoyed our first beers outside in the fresh air. Stay on trail and don’t assume you know what the hares are doing. Those tricky bastards could be up to almost anything.
Corn Star finally arrived with the cash and the beer started to flow. We headed into the beer/smoking tent in back and thankfully the TV wasn’t plugged in so we could enjoy a circle without interruption. We did call out the hares frequently and often. And then the visitors Vote For Pedro and Duck Duck Cock. Vote For Pedro also brought two virgins, Just Melissa and Just Jason who both enjoyed the hash. Mr. After Midnight arrived late, but still did a run and was good and sweaty and thirsty. We were also joined by Just Mo who didn’t run and the usual Its Too Soft. Who else ran trail? The Dark Kunt, Wrapper Snatcher, Lifa, Slippery Box, and Crop Duster. Calvin Klein arrived way, way late, but he did buy more beer.
soft.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 23 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

Hared by Virgin Banger and Corn Star from the Jefferson Inn. We had 20 hounds at the start, but Horn-E was still injured and just walked to the beer stop and back, following trail. That was about two miles. The rest of the pack, 19 hounds, took off following trail. What happened is hard to tell, but a short time after I got to the beer stop at the home of former hasher Blue Balls, we saw Licker Leash coming followed by the FBI Five Hole Failure. About ten of them made it in, but where were the rest. It was at least ten minutes before the rest of the pack arrived led, or led astray, by Or G. All made it except Just Ray who pulled a muscle running down some alley. Which muscle and how many times I don’t know and I won’t ask. But we didn’t loose any virgins this time and the one we lost last week, Just Mo, did return. She likes it more, now that she didn’t get lost.
Back at the bar, Fistful Of Pricks got the beer flowing and then took over as RA. This was the first time I saw her do this. Did she do a good job? Hell no. But then no one does their first time or two. But she did a credible job and we can look forward to her improving with practice. She did a good job of naming Just Sarah. Just Sarah is leaving us and we wanted to give her a going away name, especially since her destination, New York, isn’t known for giving names. So we worked her over with questions. Spit or swallow, favorite farm animal, she likes it on top. Most embarrassing sexual experience, etc. But something rang a bell with the masses about partners from other countries. Like four of them. And so her name forever more will be know as Foreign My Twat. I good one.
We also had the return of Necrophilia. Good. Now do it again. We had a virgin or two. Just Amanda, who didn’t seem to intimidated by our singing and Just Doug. Or was it Just Gordon. All right. One had hashed before and they came together. And after a few drinks I can’t keep anything straight. But I did keep Amanda straight. We also had a walk in new hasher to the area. Mr. After Midnight from the Ankara Hash in Turkey. Now all of you virgins and those that haven’t been here for some time, RETURN.
Who else ran. Goldilocks, Its Too Soft, Glory Hole, Bloody Thighs, Ernest Cumingway, Just Cindy, Man O’Whore, and Crop Duster. And who were the groupies. Wang Chunks, Ice Princess, Soul Taco, and Mudsucker

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 12 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

This was set by Soul Taco and Fistful Of Pricks out of Bob Inn. I first spotted this place over ten years ago and wanted to hare here with one of our ex GMs, B. O. B. But they didn’t have pitchers. Still don’t. But the ladies arranged a price of $2.50/16oz. About $10/normal pitcher. But it is what it is. I counted 18 hashers at the start, two hares and one injured hasher, Fall On My Wood, who walked off with Fistful Of Pricks to the beer stop. I followed the sweep hare, Soul Taco in an attempt to do part of the trail with my lame knee. So, there were 15 hounds. The purpose of this trail apparently was to run the local boulevards. And that is right where they headed. Straight to California and then straight south to Armitage, then straight west to Humboldt. I left Soul Taco to catch up to the pack in her sweeping and took a short cut over to Humboldt, just in time to see what I believe were some of the leaders of the pack across Humboldt heading north. I saw Greasy Spurn coming back from a Split and heading north to Palmer Square. Lifa was short cutting across the parkland. So I followed and got to the corner of Palmer Square and Kedzie with no one in sight, behind or in front. Problem with long straights on a trail, and this trail had them, is that the pack gets strung out with the FRBs getting way in front and the mid or back pack gets out of sight and they fall further behind having to solve the checks themselves instead of using Checks for points to catch up. But I was on trail. I crossed Kedzie Boulevard and saw the trail heading south west. being a lame walker and with a few hints from Soul Taco, I headed north. Smart move. within a block I saw Dark Side Of The Poon running by a Check and heading into the Kedzie Parkland and across the Boulevard and then north. He was followed by Greasy Spurn. At Fullerton, trail kept going north and I enjoyed walking the parkland as I noticed Lifa and Just Cindy heading north for two more blocks to a Check at Logan Square. I headed there and found the Check, but they were long gone. Knowing that the beer stop was straight east on Logan Boulevard, and with my leg getting sore, I headed straight east on the north side of Logan Boulevard. The FRBs were no where in sight and probably already at the beer stop, 3/4 of a mile straight ahead. After several blocks, Ass Capades and Slippery Box came along. I told them that I wasn’t on, but Ass Capades said he know of several hashers who lived that way and was short cutting and hoping to pick correctly. This is hashing? I walked on and a block later I found an arrow turning onto the path I was on. Back on trail I walked on. Eventually near California there was a loop a block north to Schubert and two blocks east and back to Logan Boulevard. While I walked alone, the rest of the pack came along and just kept heading straight to the beer stop. Aren’t these supposed to be a hidden spot? But we all had a beer and apparently Sin Calzones lived there. Everyone made it including the virgin, Just Jill. Wait, there was a second virgin, Just Mo. MIA. We found her back at the bar eating a Crispy Creme donut from across the street while she waited for the pack. At least she waited. Her sister from Calif. is a hasher so maybe she’ll give us another chance.
And the beer started to flow, PBR 16s. The circle was called by Lifa and we gathered around the pool table. We naturally got the hares for that S H I T T Y T R A I L. We were also introduced to out visitor from Columbus, Duck Duck Cock. Our FRB was Dark Side Of The Poon, but he skipped that last loop like he knew where he was going, and just beat out Greasy Spurn who actually ran trail. Horn-E got DFL, again for doing that last loop while all of the tail enders skipped ahead. Then we called out our two virgins, Just Jill and Just Mo. Welcome and please come back. Other hounds on trail included, Way To Much Jism, Soggy Deposits, Muffin The Mule, Salty Gash and Mouthful Of Meat. The non running wussies who only came for the beer included Wang Chunks, Glory Hole, EZ On The Ass and Its Too Soft.
Sin Calzones also joined us at the beer stop.

On On
Horn-E