Category: Horn E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

This was the white Trash Hash set by Batteries Not Included and R-Tard-E out of Weeds. And we finally had a hash attendance worthy of summer in Chicago. I counted 26 hounds on trail. Myself (injured) and Calvin Klein accompanied Batteries Not Included to the beer stop. Can’t say much about the trail as we didn’t see much, but before we walked a half block towards the beer stop, Chicken Stiffer and Soggy Deposits were already short cutting and heading down an alley. We walked on and past at least one mark and as we approached Binney’s to get the beer, we saw Lifa and Chicken Stiffer, again off course and heading east. We got beer and waited until the pack arrived. And it was the last two short cutters we saw who eventually came in first. Do they ever stay on trail? Isn’t that the game. But soon the pack arrived and everyone had a beer and was sweaty and happy.
Back at Weeds were a bunch on non running bastards, Our GM Fistful Of Pricks again, and EZ On The Ass, Salty Gash, Its Too Soft, Sin Calzones, Super Stuffer, and Wang Chunks.
Calvin Klein ran the circle as RA in place of the missing RA. Hurry back. Many were called out and some ice was provided, but all of the Chicago Hashers wimped out and didn’t drop trou. We finally had to get Bubbles from Waukesha to show our hashers the proper way to sit on ice. But welcome to all the visitors and virgins. And Back Door Bizzle should have won an award for the most appropriately dressed. And who else was there and to there credit ran this hash, Flying Hooters, Just Stacey, Just Sean, Fall On My Wood, Soul Taco, Just Cindy, Glory Hole, Up Loader, Slippery Box, Back Door Bizzle, $10,000 Tiki Ho, Way to Much Jism, Crop Duster, Ice Capades, Ice Princess, Hoosier Daddy, Dark Side Of The Poon, Just Megan, Just Dennis, Just Sam, Just John and Dykeoutame from Arizona.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 11 Jun 2010 by Horn-E

Set by Chicken Stifer from Harey Carey’s. There was a last minute change due to the original bar being closed and even I didn’t know about it until I passed Harey Carey’s and found the hash waiting outside. At least the backup bar was right across the street.
Another small pack of only thirteen, for such a nice day. And that included 2 visitors. It did turn out to be a real shitty trail, at least so it was declared in the circle. We took off to the east on Addison and did a gangway that led to a Check. Struggled a bit until Slippery Box found trail into an alley. This had us climbing over a fence and landing on slippery wet leaves. Got Muffin The Mule on that one as his ass hit the sidewalk. From here we had a T and E Split and Horn-E headed for the high fence along with Just Jody and Scrumie Seconds now from Austin. From here we headed east towards Broadway and another Check. We had to run through a gauntlet of cops pulling off some sort of bust. Hoosier Daddy, Slippery Box and Horn-E checked a block east and found nothing. Upon returning the pack was gone, but trail headed south and further east on Addison. Where we going to get to run in the beautiful Lincoln Park. Not. We headed south a block before the park and then west to another Check by Treasure Island. We had two False Trails to the south that the whole pack went off on, except Hoosier Daddy. He went north on another and we didn’t see him again until the beer stop. Muffin The Mule finally found trail to the west and then south through a parking lot, across Halsted and further east. Next Check was in an alley between Broadway and Sheffield that had the pack stuck for a while, but trail eventually went north to where those two streets meet and then headed further west. At this point our faster bimbos, Soul Taco, Poultry Fucker and Slippery Box were leading along with Muffin the Mule and they kept leading right to the beer stop. We did head north and through an alley and past Wrigley Field. A block later we were heading east again and finally to a Beer Stop in an alley behind Motor Whore A’s house where she joined us for the beer stop. From here it was a short walk back to the bar.
The hare called the pack together and held a low key circle. A few songs were heard, and we were introduced to the visitors, Scrumie Seconds and Just Jody. But after a short circle we did a quick Swing Low and settled into the food some ordered and the beer. Others on trail included Corn Star, Chippendale, Its Too Soft, Ass Capades, and Ice Princess.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 6 Jun 2010 by Horn-E

The trail was set from Stanley’s by two bimbos, Rotten Whore and Where’s The Sausages. Reminded me of Laurel and Hardy and their famous quote, “Well, that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into!” And this trail would be exactly that. What a mess these bimbos laid. We started with sixteen hounds. JJJJJust Jesus and Cumma Slutra came late making it 18. Horn-E led off on a quick trip down an alley to our first Split. Glory Hole was on this to the north and a Triple Split. Two split tails and two blocks and already two splits. This one led us around this park. Crop Duster almost led Horn-E off trail into the park after seeing Happy Ass Grabber head that way, but he was off on a False. And with these two bimbos, there were a lot of falsies out there. But around the park and we headed south. The ghettos beckoned. We had a Check that had us short cutting into a parking lot, only to return back to the same damn street. Damn hares. And then we headed west to Ashland and across the Expy into the hospital zone. Another Check had the suckers heading into the hospital zone and more falsies, but trail went to the east. Horn-E meanwhile went past a Falsie. Never did like falsies. To phony. Give me the real trail. And he kept going south looking for some opening so he could head east to rejoin the pack. This didn’t happen until Taylor St. Running down Taylor he finally saw Rhotan coming up a street. He was ranging from a Check. Horn-E spotted an arrow going across Taylor and Rhotan spotted a turn arrow heading east. But at the next corner, there was nothing. Another falsie? No. Suddenly Horn-E spotted an arrow in a gangway and we were off again. Chippendale quickly passed Horn-E still recovering from an attack of the gout and not running very fast. More like haf ast. Trail headed further east in the alley and Glory Hole managed to pass everyone and took the lead heading south and across Roosevelt. Happy Ass Grabber managed to pass me along here running with way to much jism while chatting with Way To Much Jism. They were joined at the hip from that point on. Everytime I saw them, they were joined at the hip and that is not exactly where I would like to be joined with Way To Much Jism and way to much jism. But I digress. We did loop back to the east and suddenly the pack was off course and Rotten Whore was saying, “Where are they going? The trail doesn’t go there,” and she was right as they soon returned and ran a big circle around this Illinois Circle soccer field and running track. Horn-E managed to short cut this and at the southern end he finally ran into our virgin of the day, JJJJJust Alfred who led for this short stretch of trail. He was brought to our little pack of hounds by his sister from the San Francisco Hash, Just Got It. Hey, I just got it. But probably not. As we emerged back at the sidewalk and street, there was a Split. Bloody Asshole was seen running back to the south. Horn-E just came from there, didn’t he? Yup! So Horn-E went over to the side walk and spotted a tiny arrow heading north. And we were off and running. After a quick red light we headed practically straight back to the Red Light district and the infamous Rotten Whore House where Way To Much Jism was giving traffic reports to the Rotten Whore House.. Here the short cutting Just Do Me Slowly was waiting and the gate was opened and beer was served. And pretzels were served, vintage stale. Finally we left for a half mile walk back to the bar.
We circled up outside in the patio and actually got through about half the circle before the neighbors complained and we had to go inside. The customers inside left due to the noise. Is it my new hearing aids or are we really always that loud. The echoes were definitely up. But circle went on and Genesis, our non running RA led us. Speaking of non runners, we had three others, Salty Gash, Its Too Soft and Fistful Of Pricks. Yes, all of them again. Yes, again. This is a running club and hashing is about trail first. This is where Its Too Soft is quietly protesting at work that, “I was at work.” But you are always welcome after if you can’t make it. In the circle we had many down downs for our two bimbo hares. Many. And then we called out our visitors, just got a bloody asshole, I mean Just Got It and Bloody Asshole. And of course Just Got It with her brother, Alfred were also called. He of the virgin type and her to demo for him the proper procedure for sucking buds, I mean suds. And he asked for a fill-up before he started. Well done. Finally the circle ended and we settled into food and drinking and the party went on and on. I finally got a ride out from Just Do Me Slowly. I’m going to remember to take advantage of them more often in the future. It is much cheaper. And Magnetic Muff and Its Too Soft also rode with us. Who else was there? Tinkle Trotsky, Corn Star, Slippery Box, Wang Chunks, and Just Ray.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 30 May 2010

We had a big long list of Wankers and Bimbos for this annual Virgin Banger Memorial Day Hash. I counted about 60 to 65 setting out on this shitty trail. But I’m sure someone will inflate the number to include paid that didn’t show and those that didn’t do trail. And it must have been as unanimously declared at the circle afterward. But for the Namby Pamby wanker who keeps complaining about these hash trashes, it was a lovely day with flowers blooming everywhere and with about 75 beautiful and buff hashers preparing to run another magnificent trail laid by our wonderful hares, Virgin Banger and Smell This through the beautiful neighborhoods of Chicago past churches and store and bars and so many beautiful homes. I’m about to gag. The truth is, it wasn’t a bad course considering the hares and the past marathons they laid on bikes. And it is hard to keep a large pack together. They didn’t. But, I digress. We started out of O’lannagans to the south and around a curved street to Berteau for our first Check. I looked to the east and saw Or G about two blocks off and still going. Had to be it and I followed. Soon the On call was made, but at a Triple split. Or G went north. When Horn-E arrived, he hadn’t found the trail so Horn-E headed east and after a looong block, he found an arrow into an alley. Cunt N Pasties and Horn-E headed into the alley and out through a parking lot to Clark. A bit of a confusing mark here but Cunt n Pasties found trail to the north and we finally turned east on Cullom. Cunt N Pasties was leading and at the next Split she headed straight. So Horn-E, by default went north on Hoyne and was On. This led to Montrose and a Split and Horn-E was passed by the usual bunch of FRBs as they crossed Montrose into an alley. Near the end of the alley was a Check at a cross alley. Horn-E went east and followed a turn arrow to the north. But this led no where and upon returning the pack was gone, heading west in the alley. At Clark, the trail headed north and through Lincoln Square area and the El Station. From here it was west on Leland and a series of streets. By now I was so far behind the main body of runners that all I could do was follow the mostly marked trail and slowly pass an army of walkers. First was three of them on Leland. Then another three just after an alley. and another three heading east on Berwyn and finally the last three on Winona, a half block before the beer stop. Twelve walkers whose names shall live in infamy and obscurity. To many slackers and to much time to write all of that. I’ll not embarrass them because there were to many former good runners in that pack.
At the beer stop, The Virgin Palace grounds, there was a Keg of Metropolitan Beer and many happy hashers indulging. There was also some watermelon soaking in some powerful alcohol that had hashers wobbling off whistling little songs. I needed water on this hot day. But just before the keg ran out, I did manage to get about a pint. Good stuff. When it ran out, they made a run for some cheap commercial swill until the departing hour arrived. Meanwhile I moved around talking to all so many friends. Why haven’t you all been hashing? But it is good. They are here and it is a nice hot sweltering day. I met the virgins several times and hope they will return. And many thanks to our Virgin Hosts.
Finally we headed over to the Dank House for the On In. Horn-E led the pack over there and into the elevator, into the hall and up to the beer. Now we were on Goose Island. The partyers settled into the roof top deck facing Western and the pitchers started to flow. Finally the RA, Genesis started the circle. And it quickly dissolved into chaos and mayhem. The RA couldn’t maintain control, but many had a lot of laughs. The hares got plenty of down downs and the many virgins and visitors were all called out. They called out the Veterans. It was Memorial Day. Perhaps, next time, we can also honor the fallen veterans with a moment of silence and a quiet drink in their honor.
Then food was served and we all rushed in for some good meat and sides. I hope everyone got enough. I know when I went back for seconds, there seemed to be nothing left but rolls. Then it was back to socializing on the roof top deck. And the pack slowly dissipated. We got down to the last group and six of us killed the second keg. And that included the virgin Mary. Hmmm, she might be back. Out by 9PM. Early compared to the last several years. Then several of us headed over to Friar Tuck’s for a nightcap. A great day/night except for one annoying fly that get trying to bug me. He needs to grow up.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 24 May 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Martin’s Corner Bar and our hares were Just Lucky and Corn Star. I’d like to say well done ladies. I’d like to say a lot of things. But the reality is just another shitty trail. But I will give the two bimbos credit for taking us into some real new territory. We haven’t been treated to so many odors in years. From the wild alleys to the Garbage Truck Parking Lot, to the wonders of all of the roadside food stands.
We started out to the south with a nice little band of 13 hearty hashers and Horn-E. We were soon at a long Check at 24th St. This led us to the west and I spotted Lifa going for a short cut. Who? Lifa? But the trail did loop back and I followed Lifa and we were soon behind Tampon Tampoff, Genesis, Crop Duster and a few other FRBs. Another Check at some tracks regrouped the pack a bit but we were soon off to the east and a little loop that put us right past those damn garbage trucks. But we were heading out of the industrial area and back to neighborhood streets. I found myself trailing along with our visitor, The Big Shaker from Oslo Hash in Norway. It is always great meeting these visitors and realizing we know many of the same hashers from all over the world. Genesis finally passed us and slowly disappeared in the distance. But we were safe, Our hare, Just Lucky was following and we weren’t lost. It was about Cermack and Paulina where we finally caught the pack. They had a Triple split and found one mark straight north, but none after that. Oooops. But the pack was whole again and we again started to range. Genesis and Horn-E kept going north and finally the On call came from behind us and into an alley to the east. So we headed east and a block later the pack was again lost. Unable to find marks. Horn-E ranged a bit north and found a turn arrow from the west. Whatever, he was On and blew the horn. Genesis blew his whistle. And no body followed. I think they headed off in that loop indicated by that turn arrow. But we were On and after a block, Genesis took the lead and led us to a park. Trail headed right into the middle of the park and then a big loop to the north and west. Horn-E started to short cut towards the FRB and finally spotted the rest of the pack following. Blowing the horn continuously, many managed a short cut and we headed west for a block on 18th. Then east for a block on 19th. Then west for a block under the Pink Line tracks. Finally we headed north on Hoyne and there was a beer near. That wasn’t there when I got off of the El. But a few blocks later we were in a back yard drinking beer. And there was Pied Piper. He was on the train right behind the one I was on and as he got off, he caught Corn Star laying that last little bit of trail. So he just waited with her at the beer stop. And just as we were about to leave, Cum In My Nurse came along. DFL, but he managed to do the trail. And so, we had a pack of 16. Back at the bar, Genesis got the beer flowing and started circle. Just Lucky brought out a five pound bag of peanuts and we slowly trashing the place with peanut shells. We had two non running wussies, Slippery Box and Wang Chunks. The rest of the pack included, Lick’er Leash. , Five Hole Failure, Just Sarah, Ice Princess, Way To Much Jism, Ginger Snatch, Just Michael, and Just Ray. Well done, ladies.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 May 2010 by Horn-E

About fifteen to twenty years ago, we had a good hasher named Deep Tunnel who would drive in from St. Charles with a buddy, The Colonel, about twice a month for CH3 Sunday hashes. We would often get 25 to 30 hashers back then. Occasionally he wanted to hash in his town. For the St. Charles hashes we would get fifteen or so for the 35 to 40 mile hour drive straight west on North Ave. Good hashes in virgin trail. Well, this week CH3 hit a new low in attendance. Oh, we’ve had lower, weather and such, but this was a beautiful night and we ran only about 10 miles south of many of us with good parking available, close access to the outer drive and public transit. We had two hares Stab ’em & Slab ’em who often opens her home for the hash and Chippendale who came from up north to lay trail here. We had only three regular hashers, Horn-E, Corn Star, and Lifa, who took half a day vacation to show up. We also had one hasher we haven’t seen in a looooong time show up all the way from Joliet, Cum In My Nurse. And another hasher, Just Ricardo. He’s new to Chicago and first and last hashed in Southeast Africa. They have about 25 to 30 running in the jungles and we can only get five regulars to show up. And where was mis-management? If they want to run the hash, they should run the hash. Remember, sometimes the hash is a bit out of the way as hashers that live further out, have a hash near their home. Well, they come all the way to your hashes as often as they can. We that live closer to ground zero, need to support their hashes too. Hell, the last First Crack of the Moon Hash had as many. But attendance has been down week after week. And I don’t want to see some phony inflated numbers. The only numbers that really count are those on trail. The first Monday Hash of the year used to get over fifty about 20 years ago. This year we had 26. Last week we had 14. And that includes hares and virgins and visitors. Where are the so called regulars? The Chicago Hashers.

So what do we do? Show up and support the regular weekly hashes. Without them, the hash has no base. That means work together to get the information out to all of the hashes well in advance. Not at the last minute as has been to often the case with CH3 over the last half year or more and really going way back. Having a list of names three months long means shit. Having locations for the next two or three weeks means you have your shit together. That is the hares responsibiliy as much as the Hare Raiser. Get it done. And publish that. Listing the last several weeks worth of hashes on your web site is stupid. Who cares. Write a good Hash Trash or erase it.
Cooperate between the hashes. It wasn’t until about a month ago that CH3 finally listed the Moon Hashes’ web site. Yet we list their weekly hashes along with the other hashes for the benefit of all of you. And through these posts. They still don’t list the Big Dog Hash or the Bushman Hash. And the ones they list, SCH3, TH3 and now the Moon Hashes are sandwiched between hashes scattered all over the Midwest. No visitor is going to go to the CH3 web site and figure out that SCH3 is in Chicago. They probably wouldn’t look all that way down the list of Web Site contents in the first place. And so, visitors miss hashing opportunities that could lead into greater interest in local hashing. We owe it to them to have a more cooperative system. Instead, it is more about selfish interests.
Cooperation between the hashes instead of confrontation and conflicts of dates. We still need to point out that CH3 still just sets up dates without caring if their is any conflict with others or not. This just leads to animosity between hashes. And hashers that have other dates already set up. The last time I looked, four out of six CH3 Sat hashes conflict with others with their usual fuck you attitude. They never even try to work something out. Well, almost never. After years of my offering cooperation, Salty Gash and I finally worked out a deal with POP and the Bushman Hash last year. Thanks Salty Gash. And a visitor was able to do both. It worked despite only have partial notification out of CH3. And we tried again last winter with the Moon Hash and Bushman Hash and Anthrax. Again, only partial notification from CH3, but we got some notification and some visitors got in two other hashing opportunities. Of course, with the partial notice, some missed out on the opportunities. This year, Virgin Banger worked with SCH3 to ensure that their would be no conflict over Memorial Day weekend. Great. Salty Gash and POP are again cooperating with the Big Dog Hash as far as I know. Great. But CH3 has scheduled a lot of other hashes in conflict again. This pits hash against hash and creates animosity that reflects in hashers picking hashes and avoiding hashes, decreasing overall attendance. Many, if not most of us, attend many hashes as opportunities arise. If someone is hurting hashes by undercutting them or conflicting with them or not letting other hashes know about them, then we are ultimately hurting our friends as well as those that we want to hurt. Hurt? Totally unhashlike.
Our web sites should prominently reflect the other hashes in town. Feed into each other instead of stepping on each other. If you get a new hasher and they aren’t totally into your hash, tell them about the other hashes. They might prefer a smaller, or larger hash. More drinking or shorter circles. Whatever. pass them on, don’t lose them to hashing. And don’t conflict with other hashes.
What can we do as individuals? Bring around your friends and introduce them to hashing. If they don’t really like the one they start at, get them to try another, especially of another style. Feed them into other hashes works both ways. It can and should be reciprocal. I always do. Get your old hashing friends to come back out. We have lists of hashers that are hundreds long and yet we don’t see more then about 75 between all area hashes in almost any three month period. Where are they? What did they like? What didn’t they like? Let the GMs know these things.
For my part, I do a lot of behind the scenes work for hashing all over Chicago. I attend about 140 or more hashes a year. All right, I’m an addict. I just happen to love the sport, the trail, the adventure. I also love the camaraderie that I find with most hashers. That is most of you out there and reading this. I also try to get emails from new hashers to give them a story of their first hash, a welcome message that tells them all about the various hashes in Chicago and an offer to join my email list that includes more upcoming hashing information then any other source in Chicago, including links to all of the local hashes, and sometimes locations before the other hash web site gets it out there. I write about 150 stories a year to offer an extension of the circle with a tale, fact and fiction, of our latest trails. I get posts from long gone hashers telling me they still read my stories years later. I also hare about 25 or more hashes a year. And I don’t need a Co-hare. I’m doing all I can, but I can’t do it alone. If you like hashing, we all need your help, haring and turning up to just hash. If it isn’t all to your liking, talk to the GMs, personally, and tell them what you like and don’t like and why. We might not be able to help you, but maybe we can offer alternatives, and if enough express the same opinions, them maybe we can find a way to change things. But lets all try.
CH3, 5 hounds and 2 hares, sucks. Believe me, we monthly hashes have fought that problem for years, and we do what we can to cooperate. Lets all try to make this hashing thing in Chicago as good as it can be. It takes you, first and foremost. We so called leaders can’t do a thing without you.
And by the way, this isn’t all just about CH3. It just happens that CH3 hit this low last Monday. All of the hashes can do better. I keep trying. Please, all of you, lets try to work together for the greater benefit of all of the hashing in Chicago. Selfish interests eventually fail. And lets hope that Stab ’em & Slab ’em won’t let this slight effect her to much and she will still want to host hashes in the future.

As for this last CH3 Hash, it worked well despite the small turnout. We know that in Moon hashing. We headed out the alley to the north and Corn Star led us. Check. She headed east and into this campus area and was again On and led us to another Check. She headed west and found another Check. Yes, Corn Star was out leading us and doing a great job. Finally we got hung up on a Check on 63rd. But that wasn’t to bad. Chippendale, our sweep hare couldn’t find his own trail either. Finally he led us to the east and north and we were on. The trail has Checks at about every 2 to 3 blocks and that kept us together and we all took turns finding trail, including out new hasher, Just Ricardo. But hell, he is another one of these fast runners and passed me often. We eventually worked our way under the south shore tracks and over to Jackson Park for a Beer Stop. Stab ’em and Slab ’em was waiting with a cooler and we enjoyed the nice weather. From here we headed south and eventually Cum In My Nurse led us out of the park at 67th St. It was Corn Star who again found this Check to the west. At the next Check, Horn-E finally led us to the south and through an alley with Just Ricardo and to a nice Back Check catching Horn-E and Just Ricardo. Back on 67th St, we headed west along the cemetery until a triple Split. Horn-E got lucky and headed west and then north to a little playground. Lifa and Just Ricardo came to the same playground from another direction and with two arrows pointing into the playground, we were sure there was another beer stop. Not. Bastard hares. A few blocks later we finished at Stab ’em and Slab ’em’s.
We held circle in the garage and had enough beer for a decent sized pack. Back to that problem of such a low turnout. Lifa picked an RA and it was Corn Star. This was the second week in a row without a regular RA. Last week it was R-Tard-E filling in and he did a fair first attempt. What would Corn Star do? Actually a fair first attempt. Well done. And so we all drank. Especially those damn hares.
We finally went back inside for multiple snacks and some pizzas. Hash cash went to the hostess for providing for us so well. Taxes? Fuck taxes. If you can’t even show up to collect the taxes, we don’t mail it in. It is our money and we drank it and ate it. We had a good time and had to leave by 11PM. Thanks hares.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 25 Apor 2010 by Horn-E

This was a cold day at the start. It had been raining. I arrived and almost no one was there. But finally a small pack of 15 hounds gathered and were sent off. Its Too Soft was a sort of sweep hare who didn’t really sweep, but was at the beer stop. Lifa was still laying trail after the rain. We headed west in the alley and across Sheffield and then north to a Split. We lost some of the pack there and we followed Goldilocks to the west and then south. You live by ranging, you die by ranging and it took some of those that headed north quite a while to catch up again. Meanwhile we headed south to a mix-up on Lincoln and then south following Goldilocks to Wrightwood and a good check. I wandered around through the park and only two arrows before spotting Salty Gash coming out of an alley yelling, ‘I’m On, I’m On, I’m On.’ So I blew the horn and finally got the attention of the pack and we were off through the alley south and then west. Muffin The Mule had joined us and we tried to keep up with him as we headed west to Racine. Here the hare laid a nice loop to the north and Horn-E found marks going south and rallied the following pack with his horn. But another Split and Horn-E followed the pack back east in an alley and finally to a Check by De Paul. Trail headed a bit west and then south and back east to another Check at Webster and Sheffield. Goldilocks was to the south and seriously confused by Chicago marks. The pack was standing around doing nothing as usual. Muffin The Mule was to the east and crossed the street heading north. So Horn-E followed. There was a turn mark heading north and at the alley was a Split. Muffin The Mule was already turning around and heading back from the north. Horn-E headed east and finally spotted the elusive third arrow. Chicken Stifer was behind and bitching that Horn-E hadn’t blown his horn. I don’t blow the horn until I see the third arrow or hear an On call. I hadn’t. And why wasn’t he blowing his whistle? But the three of us ran on several blocks and then south to Webster again. The horn and whistle were blown for the pack, but they weren’t in sight. Trail went north on Halsted and through a gangway. At the next street, trail headed east across Halsted and to a Check at Lincoln. Muffin The Mule went north, Chicken Stifer wandered around the six corners a bit and Horn-E headed south. Found some marks, but not enough and at Oz Park he headed east. No marks at Lincoln, he headed north on a side street and finally Just Brendan came his way. So we retreated together to the north, to a block north of the Check and a block east. As we headed west we saw Ass Capades heading into an alley and coming our way. In the alley we found marks and this led to a Split, north and south. We had a bit of trouble finding a mark here as the next mark was across Fullerton and hidden. Odor Eater finally found it and we now had a pack assembled again. We ran north to an alley for a Split and Odor Eater headed east. So Horn-E headed north 100 feet to the next corner. No one was yelling ON, but the pack finally started down the alley. So Horn-E paralleled the pack to Clark. Oooops. Here Horn-E spotted a Split on the other side of the street. It looked like it could be off of a Check at the corner of Fullerton a block south. So Horn-E headed north until he spotted the third mark and blew his horn. But there was no one at the corner, now two blocks south. Oh oh. Did he miss a beer check in the park? No. He should have just continued on because the Beer Check was just a few more blocks at the Gazebo in the park. Now, if the On in trail is to close to the On Out trail, shit happens. But thinking he missed the Beer Check, he headed back on trail almost a half mile before spotting the BN. Damn. And in the distance he saw Muffin The Mule coming. So he returned on trail and soon approached the beer stop just as Muffin The Mule passed him.
A short time later Chicken Stifer arrived and bitched about Horn-E ranging and short cutting. Hey, no more then he has done countless times. Actually only a half block off course. but just at the right moment. Apparently the trail ranged south to the main entrance of the zoo and then back to a Check at Stockton and Fullerton. But all was good and we were drinking beer.
Back at the start, the keg was eventually tapped and a circle was held on the roof by Genesis who didn’t run. Speaking of those that didn’t run, we had a long list including Just Rita who watched the house while we hashed, and her brother, and Tinkle Trotsky, Ice Princess, Fistful Of Pricks, Glory Hole, R-Tard-E, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, and who knows who else. They kept trickling on in. But they didn’t hash. Those that did, besides those mentioned in the story included Way To Much Jism (a visitor from Waukesha), Slippery Box (our FBI) Poultry Fucker, Corn Star, Magnetic Muff, Just Miguel and Mount Schwiiinga.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash. 17 Apr 2010 by Horn-E

The hares were R-Tard-E and Pokehisanus and many were worried and saying how risky it was to pit these tow together for a trail. Well, in their early haring days they had some problems, but both hares have gotten much better and are better then some of their worst detractors of late. So I wasn’t worried and expected a good and adventurous trail. It was okay. All right, it was shitty.
I counted 24 hounds heading out on trail thanks to visitors and virgins. The bartender was being a dick with ID at the start. But we finally got outside and ready for a chalk talk. We headed northwest in an alley and over Armitage and finally to a Check at Armitage and Milwaukee. Confusion reigned here, but finally marks were found to the SW on Milwaukee and then north on Western. I think that is what happened. Anyway, there was another Check just north of Armitage on Western. Again, hashers running around. Finally Horn-E spotted a mark east on Mclean and ahead there was Come More Often yelling On. He had a Triple Split at Oakley and went south. Horn-E went straight and was On and had to run through a front entrance of a school and back and forth and such until he had to climb over a fence into the school playground. Meanwhile Corn Star entered the school yard from the street and was the FRB until she exited the school yard and some free ranging hounds were already ahead of her. That is how we all feel, just as you get ahead on trail, someone is ahead because they were off trail. This did lead us back to Mclean and then east to a Check. By this point I ran into Goldiloxxx who remembered me from Camp Hedon in the 90s when I was shaving pussies there. After I left, he took over the duties. Hey, it is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. Ended up falling behind around here while checking in the wrong direction and we eventually headed south of Armitage to Bloomingdale and then east along the tracks to a T and E Split. I saw hashers ahead and just ran towards them and found out later that both T and E just looped right back to Bloomingdale. We ran on to Marshfield and then through a dog park and over a fence and down a wall. By the time I got here, the pack leaders were across Ashland and heading north. This turned out to be a False. Not knowing exactly where the Check was, Horn-E headed south and just started running. The pack was following and finally Horn-E found a third arrow and we were On. This led to a quick loop into an alley and back through an empty lot where Slippery Box passed Horn-E. Upon emerging Horn-E spotted the following pack and was able to short cut some with the Horn. A Split led us back across Ashland and Horn-E regained the lead into a small parking lot and out the other side and back south. By now short cutters were already to the south and led the pack through an alley and to the east. Along here, I got overheated and stripped off a shirt and long sweat pants. This put me near the back and I spent the rest of the trail back there with the back of the pack and Pokehisanus sweeping. We headed west on North and through a lot of angled streets and alleys and eventually down an alley to a locked gate and the back yard of Pokehisanus’s pad. Here the pack was sitting drinking beer. All was good.
From here we headed north on Western and back to the bar. The other bartender wasn’t there and we all got in without I Ds and settled into some beer. One hasher was a virgin running with a puppy and definitely under 21. He arrived with Betty Boop from Trinidad and was her nephew. She stayed only through the short first circle and disappeared and I didn’t get a chance to meet her. Beer was cheap cans and after an initial buy, we suspended circle and left. Apparently the bartender didn’t like us singing in the back room. So we went down the street to a 2218 Tap Room. Peterbilt had us in here once before. They were more receptive and we went into the beer garden for more circle where Genesis finished it for us.
Finally we came back inside and went through many a picture of beer.
Others in attendance on trail were Glory Hole, Are They Real, Hoosier Daddy, More Tail, Skull & Bone’Her, Fistful Of Pricks, SnatchSquatch, Mouthful Of Meat, Dark Side Of The Poon, Chicken Stifer, Magnetic Muff, Just Do Me Slowly, Lifa, Just Tim, Its Too Soft, Just Brendan, and Just Miguel, a virgin. Welcome. Non runners were Genesis, Tinkle Trotsky and Peterbilt.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 3 Apr. 2010, by Horn-E

This was an Easter Celebration held on Sat because that was the only day that anyone volunteered their house for a celebration dinner. Thanks Soul Taco. Lifa Volunteered to be the hare and that meant we had to put up with another Lifa trail. At least that was heard on trail. But it wasn’t all that bad. Really. Honest. I swear on the Easter Bunny. We were soon off to the north with a small pack of hungry hounds out to further work up an appetite. Eleven hounds in all. We headed off to the north and the pack was a slow moving one. Even Crop Duster was still tired from Thursday’s hash. The front of the pack changed back and forth and at Splits and such but the back of the pack stayed much the same with Horn-E, Poultry Fucker and R-Tard-E holding up the rear. We had a Check at Addison and near the Expressway and there was a chance to maybe get ahead, but we were soon back in the rear as trail headed north, then west and finally over to an alley near Pulaski and Addison. Braving the traffic, Horn-E managed to get near the front around here. We went south one more block and then west, across Pulaski and we hit a Check. The 69 Cent Man was calling On to the south in an alley and I followed as Just Kelsey and Slippery Box zipped past me. We went a block west and I saw the 69 Cent Man heading south and then west again. But as we headed south, Crop Duster, now where did he come from, came out of where the 69 Cent Man disappeared. A good Back Check. We went south to Milwaukee and Pulaski where we had another Check. Trail was heading west and then south and we were soon following Crop Duster in the distance. We crossed Belmont and heading south to a parking lot where Horn-E came up behind Lifa sweeping. He said something about this should be interesting. Hmmm. A Back Check? And sure enough, the pack started to return. Heading south about 50 feet, Horn-E spotted the marks and was off and in front for about 100 yards until Just Kelsey passed him. See, even the old and slow can get in front for a short distance with a well laid Back Check. We crossed Pulaski and into a neighborhood of angled streets meeting NSEW streets. Where was the pack? A bunch of FRBs were out of sight at a Check. But Horn-E spotted them returning from the south. Happy Ass Grabber and Horn-E headed east and found marks and this led to the South.
From here we headed south across Diversey and into a large park where Soul Taco and Genesis, who didn’t run, arrived late, and assisted on the beer stop, were both waiting with beer and an Easter Egg Hunt set up. We were minus one hasher, Poultry Fucker who cut off along the way and headed back to Soul Taco’s place. Who else was on trail? The visitor, Vote For Pedro, Its Too Soft and Glory Hole.
We walked back to the On In and the food was cooking. We found the non runners Chicken Stiffer, Peterbilt and SnatchSquatch waiting. We were also joined by Bloody Thighs and Just Do Me Slowly who only came for the food. That ham was great and the chocolate cream pie was irresistible. Everything else was good too. Real good.
Genesis called the circle together on the porch and the hares got plenty of down downs We also included Crop Duster for his trail of Thursday. He deserved more. We quickly got into a naming for Just Kelsey. Genesis had a list of things about her that was a mile long. But we seemed to concentrate on the fact that she likes to run knickerless. It finally narrowed down to the Kansas Kommando and something similar and Sin Calvones. And that is what it ended up, Sin Calvones and so it shall be for evermore.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 21 Mar 2010

Hares were listed as Ice Princess and Crop Duster from the home of Ice Princess. I don’t think Ice Princess ever left his place. But Erin Go Buff did in fact help lay the trail. We did have 15 hounds on trail. The trail led south to a partially enclosed cluster of town homes after a quick Check. Lifa found the trail and led us around a bit and then through a fence and gate. Ooops, don’t close the gate. We did. Trail led into a field where Lifa found a Back Check and a can of cold beer. A reward for the FRB. But it was a Back Check and we returned to the now locked gate. Genesis played super hero and climbed the high wall and opened the gate and we were off again. Winding around the complex of homes Lifa again led us to a False and a locked gate. Going back, Horn-E found marks heading south and another False. So we returned to the north and eventually out the main gate and back south along State. At Roosevelt we found Erin Go Buff sitting there laughing at the hounds who missed the light. The front of the pack were out of sight in the next cluster of homes. But we caught up with them just as they found the next Check where all of the Check hangers were waiting. Horn-E followed the ranging pack and in the distance Ginger Snatch, but we were off. The trail headed behind some homes to a narrow passage and a high wall. But at the southern end we were able to climb over the wall. Two Fuck Canuck and Horn-E managed this okay but others were struggling and the FRBs were already out of sight. The hardest climb was Turbo Dog. Something about no opposable thumbs. So she was lifted over the top. Trail led us back to Roosevelt and east where we crossed the previous trail at State St. and repaired marks by those sneaky bastard hares. This led us through some alleys and streets to the north and east and eventually over to Michigan Ave. We could see the FRBs heading north from some monument in the park and along the path paralleling the tracks. The pack swept towards the FRBs who eventually returned towards Michigan Ave. I followed Ass Capades as we cut a short bit of trail and soon we were heading into an underground garage. Check. That was nice. But the pack was soon On and into the parking area. They looked lost up ahead and Genesis headed south into a corner and found beer by a trash can.
Motor Whore A was also there. Not on trail, but she might have brought the beer. And so we drank some beer and an all to short, but decent trail was over. Who managed to run. International Virgin. Yeah, sort of running again. Just Cindy, 10,000 Tiki Whore, Suckiwi, Its Too Soft, The KGB, M’Alice from Vancouver and new to Chicago, Fruit Of The Clue.
Back at the Condo of Ice Princess, we eventually headed to the roof for a circle. The hares got their usual dosage of well deserved charges and down downs. We met the visitors M’Alice, Two Buck Canuck who ran trail and eventually Funny Bone Her who didn’t but helped Salty Gash get more beer. Thanks ladies. And we met Fruit Of The Clue who also did his first Chicago trail and has moved here. Welcome. There were two virgins who were also brought out, Just Caroline and Just Jill who didn’t run trail. Hmmm!. Wouldn’t they still be virgins then? We need to get them to break that cherry on trail somewhere soon. There was a long list of other hashers who also didn’t. Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Soul Taco, Mouthful Of Meat, Wang Chunks, Fistful Of Pricks and Just Becky.
Back in the condo we settled into beer and some good chocolate brought by Just Becky. Ice Princess soon went beddy bye, or in the words of true drinkers, passed out. We only had one bitch fight that was quickly broken up. We made a lot of noise and eventually the neighbors came by. Noise? Who us? So, with our host passed out, we decided to honor his home and quieted down a bit. Hmmm, hashers quieting down. Now there is a novel twist. And so the hash slowly filtered away as hashers wandered off.