Category: Horn E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Mar 2010 by Horn-E

We were to run out of O’Malley’s West. Not a good hash bar as we learned later. Why it was up for bar of the year was beyond me. Our hares were Chicken Stifer and Fistful Of Pricks and there was no trail laid. Chicken Stifer headed out to lay a trail a little after 2PM. Would we be stuck with some crappie hangover trail? We weren’t hungover. But 12 hounds took off on trail. Trail headed west and wound through all to familiar streets and alleys. But it wasn’t a bad trail so far. There was even a loop through a gangway that worked. And all to soon we were heading back towards Oz Park, a block from the bar. Is this where we would be met by Fistful of Pricks and a beer stop after less then a mile and a half. But no. There was a Check. Sperm Diversion headed east and found a Split, He went straight so Horn-E headed south and he was On. We were leaving Oz Park. Where we to actually have a trail? This led to an alley and a Check at the exit of the alley. Horn-E went south on a long block and finally the On was called, to the east somewhere. Upon returning, everyone was gone. Horn-E circled the block and at the alley by the fire station he spotted Just Valinda at the far end. She was waving that she wasn’t on and returning. So Horn-E went around the fire station and headed south and soon was back on trail. We headed west and found Corn Star at a Triple Split. She checked to the north and found nothing. Horn-E headed east and found trail heading north in an alley. And so, the three of us just followed trail trying to stay together and help each other. Horn-E was mostly in front and found a Back Check. At last we are seeing more Back Checks being laid without numbers and the way they should be laid. This lead to a trail through a maze of town houses and finally toward Webster and Clark and a Check. This lead us north and west and it became obvious the trail was no longer a trail but just following marks to the inevitable beer stop at the Chicken Coop. And just as we arrived, the late arriving Lifa joined us, as DFL.
Upstairs we found the pack sitting around watching TV. Hey, this is a hash. So Lifa, Sperm Diversion and Horn-E sat by themselves and talked hash stuff.
Back at the bar, we found the bar was full of stool potatoes. That is couch potatoes but in a bar. Every table was full and people were eating. This would not be a good place for a circle or to even hang out. But Fistful Of Pricks bought beer and Chicken Stifer pleaded on bended knee and they finally let us into the upstairs bar for our circle.
Genesis arrived and started the circle and the usual shit happened. We were introduced to out virgin, Just Amanda, brought around by Ass Capades. Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein arrived to drink with us and immediately called out the Cub Fans for a down down because the White Sox beat them. Who fucking cares. Please, lets not having a running score on all of these teams all summer. We are a hash.
We did get around to naming two bimbos today. Just Valinda found some Costa Rican money on trail. 1000 something. And just like a little Costa Rican hooker she picked it up. Worth about $1.83. And so she got named 1000 dollar Costa Rican Whore or was it 10K Tika Hoe. Or something like that. We’ll see how that settles out. Then we named Just Allison, for her adventures with a New Zealander. SucKiwi. I will let that go at what it is.
Other hounds included Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, SnatchSquatch, Crop Duster, and Free VD.

There was also a Hash Ball the night before. We have really slipped into just a party and it is no longer anything resembling a Ball. The bar was too loud, (the DJ sucked. Where was Odor Eater? Or yeah, getting drunk) the belly fill was just that and the beer was only Coors. Or was that Coors Light? Even worse. Remember a few years ago when we had Milk My Yak’s home brew. Damn good. And before that, the Ball was in a banquet room. The award winners from the Hash Ballot were announced. Fistful Of Pricks is the new Chicago GM. Check them on line. And why weren’t the write ins included? What were they? They sometimes out polled names on the ballot. I noticed that a bunch of paid people never even showed. Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein didn’t pay and were listed as coming. They saved $30. There were some in costume and some of the better ones were our own Corn Star as our own Corn Star. International Virgin all decked out in white trying to win again. Slippery Box in a slippery box with some Vaseline. Beer Spill Veldez as a Mexican spilling beer. Chicken Stifer fucking a chicken. EZ On The Ass with EZ on the ass. And Genesis as the Hasher Of A Thousand Names. There were a few others, but most of us didn’t dress up, including myself. I dress as Horn-E at every hash, so I thought I would just dress as myself for this one.
I finally left, early. Couldn’t stand the noise from the DJ and the Coors. Went to Friar Tuck’s for some good Michelob Amber and Sultry Skanks.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Feb 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of the Hyde Park Morgue of Stab ’em & Slab ’em and she and Lifa gave us a good trail. Scribes always lie. We had 12 hounds at the start of trail and just before we left the beer stop, The Grrreat Loch Ness Cockster and Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs arrived for a 14 hound count. We took off to the south out of this alley and headed west for a block and a half and there we died. Almost. A Check. At the fist alley to the west was a Triple Split. Horn-E was to the north and checked in the alley there. But thanks to the helpful yelling out to others of what we were on, he didn’t realize there was that Triple Split and didn’t look further. It was at least five minutes later when someone finally ranged from that Triple Split and we were On. There went my energy before we even got going. Trail headed north and west and Dickens Cider was leading most of the way as we finally came to this large park. She led into the park and a Check along a path. Well, there was a bridge, or further west. She took the bridge and was soon heading out of sight and yelling On. We converged on the bridge and headed across. That’s when Happy Ass Grabber was running a little ahead with Turbo Dog when two wild dogs came running and barking from about a block away over this frozen pond. We’re looking at major dog fight, man dog fight or who knows what. Finally the dogs stopped and circled back. So turbo dog didn’t have to kick ass again. We crawled through a couple of fences and had another Check. Well, a little shiggy anyhow. Now, where would this Check go in such a wide expanse of park. Working towards the south and east and up a little hill, I could see our visitor, Sweetheart from London heading to the southwest along a path. Was he On? Nope. But I got suckered into the wrong direction just long enough to watch the pack disappearing to the east. Damn. I got to the city streets just in time to see the last of the pack several blocks ahead, except for EZ On The Ass, a half block ahead. I thought I was dead Fucking Last. But Corn Star and SnatchSquatch were behind even Horn-E. We all had to be tired from the Idiotarod yesterday. EZ On The Ass and Horn-E finally caught up to Bloody Thighs and Just Jeff, our virgin of the day. And we ran on, without to much difficulty. Lifa was sweeping and most of the Checks and Splits were marked. We ran through the University of Chicago campus and out onto the Midway Plaisance and on east and into Jackson Park. Destination the Chinese Garden on an Island. Like we haven’t been here before. And there was the pack and the beer.
After here we had a semi straight course back. Yeah sure. Left, right, left, right, through a hole in the fence, down an alley, over some fields and finally back to the morgue on University. Inside were all of the posers. To many to mention and many I didn’t even know. They were here to watch some silly football game. Well, that and the good food. Genesis soon called the circle together in the basement. The one with the ceiling two inches shorter then SnatchSquatch. The hares got and deserved many a down down. We were introduced to our virgin, Just Jeff. We also met our visitor, Sweetheart who had a great story about running trail. He was running along and saw a Harriet ahead. Looking good in tight tights. He ran up to chat her up a bit and just as he caught her, she turned his way and acthung, spittouie. Well, it was funny when he told it in the circle. Her name will remain unmentioned. We also had a chance to meet Run A Muck. Knew him from a long time ago. He needs to come on out some more. Who else was on trail? Slippery Box, Genesis, and Tinkle Trotskie who were all to far ahead to see anything they did on trail. Nice trail and a good party until that damn game came on TV.

The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash, Jan 31, 2010, by Horn-E

Another small turnout. What is going on here? This is at least the second time this month that Chicago Hash has had less then 10. And they missed a good hash. Overall, the best city hashing experiences this year. All right, I’m prejudiced, but those woods hashes were better. But city streets are what they are and our hare, Glory Hole laid a decent trail and had the best beer stop of the year. More on that later.
I walked into the bar with Just Valinda and there were only three hounds waiting. Yes, three. Just Steve, it isn’t normally this small. Yes, we had a virgin. But at least with a small crowd, he gets to learn more about how to hash, check etc. As we gathered outside for the chalk talk, Virgin Banger arrived. We were soon off to the north with Horn-E running along casually to our first Split. He went left and so did the trail. But another Triple Split nailed him and trail was found to the south and west through an alley. We quickly followed and two blocks later we found a Check. Chicken Stifer went south, but didn’t find anything. Virgin Banger went west, and ditto. Cum In My Ass Fault headed north in the alley and returned, nothing. Just Steve and Horn-E ranged north and around the block and found some recruits. This delay almost costs us. As we got back to the alley, we could see Just Valinda and Cum In My Ass Fault heading south in the alley in the far distance. We followed and finally caught them at Lawrence just as the light changed. Meanwhile Virgin Banger and Chicken Stifer were,,,,, I don’t know. But presumedly, far behind. Glory Hole was marking Splits and Checks and they would catch up, maybe, hopefully. We headed on south and crossed the Brown Line tracks to another Split. Just four of us now, we followed our virgin Just Steve to the east and south and to a Check. By now, the late arriving Its Too Soft managed to catch us, thanks to the sweep marks. Just Steve and Horn-E found trail to the south and east. The horn was blown and the pack of three others followed. We headed east, through a little loop and on to Lincoln Ave and a Check. Just Steve and Horn-E were working the Check when Its Too Soft finally arrived. He tends to hang around and wait for others, but finally he headed south and found the trail. So we were off heading through an alley and large park and over to Montrose. Had to be a Check here, but where. We ranged a bit before Glory Hole pointed out the Check. So Horn-E headed east and finally found the trail. It took several minutes of blowing the horn before Horn-E was spotted and the pack started to follow. This is where Chicken Stifer and Virgin Banger finally caught up. We headed over to Damen where Chicken Stifer caught a Split and led into this parking area behind a hospital. But marks couldn’t be found. Well laid here. Finally Horn-E found the marks, past and over two hospital entrance ramps while the pack followed. Besides Chicken Stifer. Naturally he couldn’t follow and he ranged to the north and east and got lucky when one of our marks got wiped out. We ranged north and there he was. We headed on north to a Check and trail was found to the east and over the Ravenswood train stop as we followed Its Too Soft. Then we headed down an alley and to a long False in a field that nailed the ranging Virgin Banger and Chicken Stifer. From here it was a short distance north on Ravenswood and around a corner to a locked door with a B in front.
When the door opened, we walked into a brewery. You got it sucka. You missed it. Well done, Glory Hole. The beer stop was in a Micro Brewery, Metropolitan Brewery. We got the full tour along with ample samples of their good, damn good lagers. That last dopple bock was smooth and 8% with only a hint of alcohol flavoring. Really good. You could drink to much of this without realizing it. Hmmm. Virgin Banger was working of getting some of this for his Memorial Day Hash beer stop. Don’t miss it.
After we left the cold brewery, it took a while to warm up and we headed to Virgin Banger’s House. Major quiet stop. For all of you who don’t know, Rent A Virgin and Virgin Banger had a little virgin last week. And we all circled around for a picture with Chicago’s newest bimbo. Then we tip toed on out and over to Cardinal Liquors on Lincoln.
When we got in, the great pretenders were waiting. Fistful Of Pricks, Shiggy Packer, Salty Gash and Poultry Fucker. And the recruit I met on trail came by to find out more and enjoyed a beer with us and watched our circle. Shiggy Packer called the circle together and we had a nice little circle. Just Steve got formerly introduced and got his down down. Hanging in back, explaining things to our recruit, I only got one down down. Chicken Stifer called me out for attacking a group of little girls on trail. Hey, you run with the joke, but two weeks ago it was Racism in his Chicken Scratches and now hinting at pedophilia, and later forcing namings at moon hashes. It seems as if he can’t quit trying to find false things to accuse me of. But it is a circle, and lets have fun, and we sang some good songs thanks to Shiggy Packer’s job of R A. We ended up with Swing Low and settled into all to much beer. Yes, I said, all to much beer. Everyone finally left and Its Too Soft and Horn-E had almost two pitchers of beer to finish. Now we did give it our best shot, but suddenly the bartender told us she had to pull the beer at 8PM. We didn’t quite make it.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 24 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

We hashed out of the corner Bar and our hares were Cumma Slutra and her sister, a virgin, introduced as My Sister Michelle. We had a pack of nine at the start and Rotton Whore was on her phone trying to give directions to a late coming visitor, Areola Borealis from Washington. They stood in the middle of the street three blocks away waving at each other. So it was a pack of ten, including two new comers Just Anna and Just Dana, and two visitors, Areola Borealis and Ass Ripper from Lansing and only six local hounds. We were off to the south and west and a bit of a loop and then to a Split going west and north. We couldn’t find this one for a while until Horn-E found a mark in an alley to the south. Huh. This led to a Split and Horn-E went wrong and over to Armitage. Running west he found a mark pointing east. Oooops. It was off of a Check and Horn-E checked it out and was way off course when trail was found to the east. Encountering Lifa along the way, they headed east and into an alley. Horn-E ended up way off course but finally caught the pack in an alley after a Split. We had another Check back on Armitage and Horn-E, 10K Tika Ho and Ass Ripper checked west. Meanwhile Lifa headed north. Glory Hole was seen to the far east. Not getting anywhere, I headed north to an alley and to the east I saw SnatchSquatch sprinting north. SnatchSquatch doesn’t sprint often and must have been on. SnatchSquatch was in pursuit of Lifa and Horn-E eventually caught SnatchSquatch as he was climbing a high fence. Soon he and Lifa were On heading west on Webster under the Kennedy Expressway. That underpass smelled worse then a Ghetto Hi-rise elevator. Hell, it was worse then the house of a woman with forty-seven cats and one overflowing litter box. Maybe even forty eight cats. We followed Lifa to past Elston to a Back Check 10. Lifa and Glory Hole finally led us to the north and through some gangway and finally to another underpass. I was really worried here, but Fullerton wasn’t to bad. At this point, Glory Hole was way ahead, followed by Lifa, Just Dana and Just Anna. All on the north side of Fullerton. Horn-E was trailing on the south side. Did you ever get to that point where you’ve had it. Horn-E did and started to walk. Getting to the corner of Western he could see the leaders heading further north and that was it. Horn-E headed south. A block later he saw Glory Hole on the west side of Western indicating he was at a Check. So. Horn-E was heading back and went this way from the bus and new were the beer stop was. He walked on and soon saw Cumma Slutra and My Sister Michelle sitting in this park. With beer. Lifa yelled to Glory Hole, “Are you going to let that old man beat you.” So he sprinted in and just barely beat Horn-E to the beer. And soon the whole pack arrived and we sat there in the nice warm weather until the rains came.
Back at the bar, Lifa got the beer going and SnatchSquatch led circle. Another shitty circle, but we got the hares, many times, virgin My Sister Michelle, visitors, Areola Borealis and Ass Ripper, new comers Just Dana and Just Anna and eventually we ended circle and just enjoyed beer On and On and On. Its Too Soft arrived late again.

On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash Jan 10, 2010 by Horn-E

We started at the Purple Haze. Our hares were Lifa and Its Too Soft. Lifa warned us at the start that the shitty parts of the trail were the fault of the other hare. Hmmm. Shitty parts? And there would be something about 8 on the trail. So off we went to the north and east. Trail actually started off pretty good as we headed over towards Halsted and past there to Broadway. Were we headed towards the lake? Not. At Broadway, wwe headed south to a Triple Split and the trail actually headed back west. There was a turn arrow into a school yard parking lot and the pack was spread out heading west down an alley. But the hares were spotted heading west on the other side of the street. Sure enough, a Check Back. Well done you bastards. But it regropuped the pack. Horn-E found trail to the west and we were off again. We headed south to Briar and back to Halsted and the infamous six corner intersection. Horn-E was already getting tired from the after effects of the Eight Beer Stop Hash on the previous day and staying out until 3AM. That old fart ain’t dead yet, but getting there. Anyhow, this Check had us stumped good. Finally On On was called to the south. False. Damn hares. Just Michael, Horn-E and Crop Duster were West on Barry when the trail was finally found to the south on Clark. From here the trail went east on Oakdale all of the way to Sheridan. Hmmmm. Long straights. The pack regrouped at Sheridan and Diversey for a Check. Shiggy Packer finally found marks to the south east and up the sledding hill. EZ On The Ass relayed the On call and we were off. The trail headed south from there and straight to Fullerton. From the back of the pack Corn Star and Horn-E could barely keep the pack in sight as they streaked off. Around the lagoon and back into the city streets. Did I say long straights? This is where a pack can really get strung out for the back of the pack. West to Clark for a quick Check and on West. Finally we saw a BN. Liars. But then hares always lie. But eight times? This looked like it was headed for the Chicken Coop. No. Just a quick loop and south a whole block to Fullerton and again west to Sheffield. BN2, BN3, BN4. What is this teasing game? Now we were headed straight north on Sheffield for four blocks. Did I say straight trail? At Lincoln there was a turn south on Lincoln. Horn-E got as far as a block and a half, still going away from the finish and saw a BN6. All right, what is this. A BN7 on Halsted and a BN8 at Its Too Soft’s condo again. Not. Horn-E was a block from the real beer stop after BN6. What the fuck? But enough is enough and he started back only to run into Corn Star and they decided to work their way to Its Too Soft’s place. No one was there. Back on Sheffield and another five block straight. Along the way they spotted a BN8, but another false call.
Arriving at the bar, there was Chicken Stifer who lost trail somewhere. Also was SnatchSquatch who wasn’t about to run today after yesterdays Eight Beer Stop Hash, and Fistful Of Pricks. A short time later the pack arrived.
Beer was flowing and food was ordered and Shiggy Packer called the circle together. The hares were called early and often for the shitty trail. The hares still suck. Many down downs were given and we were finally introduced to our two virgins, Just Mary and Just Cindy. They liked the trail and said they will be back. Now we’ll have to get them on a good one.
Its Too Soft did tell me later that the reason for all of the long straights is that Lifa thought they only had a half hour to go when it was an hour and a half. Ratting on your fellow hare. Let the cat fight begin.
Who else was there. Tinkle Trotskie, Ice Princess, Ginger Snatch, Just Kelsey, and Beer Stop Valdez showed up several hours later.

Sun, Dec 13 saw CH3 gather at the home of I Like Dick, often referred to as Tyrone and Richard. A much nicer day then the last TH3 Hash, but still a small turnout. This was the out of the box hash and it was. No marks. Yeah, no marks. We had only 12 hounds for this mess. We were handed pictures of where the next picture was. Picture one led to picture two, or somewhere near there we would find picture two. And they were hiddin a bit. Then picture two led us to some other unusual site or landmark where we would find picture 3,4,5 etc. Well, it sort of worked. I remember thinking of something similar years ago. I congratulate I Like Dick on the idea. Unfortunately, as with any new idea, something can go wrong. And we are at a hash, so something will go wrong. The pictures were being gathered up along the way. If you fell behind, you were fucked. I did and I was. Oooops. As the trail headed south on Sheffield and then to the west, I went back for a lost sweatband. I never saw them again. I headed back to where they were and they were gone. There was no picture anywhere. I headed west in what I thought was the direction they were circling in. They weren’t and back checked to the east and eventually to Oz Park. Meanwhile I was west around Finkel and such. I finally gave it up as a lost cause. There was no way to pick up on this trail. Just after I got back to I Like Dick’s place, the pack started to trickle in. Everyone seemed to have fun. Especially the FRBs. Worth trying again, but leave pictures behind.
We soon got into some damn good Chili and home made cookies from Just Tina. Calvin Klein led a long circle as he is on his farewell tour as RA. A good job over the years. The hashers on trail included Horn-E, The KGB, Hoosier Daddy, Shiggy Packer, Chicken Stifer, Just Ingrid, R-Tard-E, SnatchSquatch, Fistful Of Pricks, Corn Star, and a very hung over Its Too Soft. We also picked up a virgin along the way, Just Jordan. he seemed to like it a lot and he will be back. We also had one visitor, Rumpspringa from Waukesha. There were also the usual pretenders, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, and Ball Cock Dumper. We finally ended up with naming Just Ingrid. About time. Now what was it. Something about dancoing around in the cold to keep warm, like she had to tinkle. I hope I got this right. Tinkle Trotsky. I’m sure I will be corrected at the next hash.

On On
Horn-E
CFMH3 GM
Bushman GM
FCMH3 GM
CH3 GM Emeritus
Area rebel scribe
And resident old fart

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1492 @ Casa De Virgin Banger/Rent-a-Virgin

The Chicago Hash, 5/27/07 by Horn-E

The Third Anal Memorial Day Hash. What a crowd. I counted about 55 at the start. To bad they won’t return after that marathon. I told Smell This I would give him shit for setting such a long trail on his bike. It measured 7 miles, north south, east west, without all of the Zig Zag that is part of every hash. Over 8 easily. We had a bunch of virgins too. I hope when they get back to Detroit they get treated better by BDH3. That was the shittiest trail of the year. Even Serigne, Our visitor from Senegal in Africa, couldn’t handle the hottest marathon in Chicago’s history. The only one who seemed to love it was Bank Of Spermerica who was running with our flag and looked like he was running to actually win the race. Race?????

Actually, it was a lot longer then most of us wanted or looked forward too, but a good part of the trail was decently laid and well marked. Thanks to the hares and hosts and cooks, Smell This, Calvin Klein, Virgin Banger, Rent A Virgin, and Peterbilt. And thanks for the 30 T-Shirts given to the first 31 hashers.

From the start we headed north to a check. Chicken Stiffer went west and wasn’t seen for some time. Lifa picked up on the trail to the north and into Rosehill Cemetary with me running right behind him followed by this huge pack of hounds. We wound our way all over the cemetary Lifa and Bank Of Spermerica leading the way. We exited to the north and there was more cemetery. Lifa went in and a bunch of hashers went west. Were we On? No one called out. But finally an On call came and we were off, around this other cemetery. Lifa got lucky here and climbed a fence and was back near the front. We wandered north to Warren Park. This was a short loop into the park and then we were off to the west. Having been near the front, I was starting to fall back about here. Lifa, yes Lifa was dying too. He partied late at the Big Dog Hash and then was up at 4AM for the 5000 mile bike the drive in the rain. He finally had it. Sir Poops A Lot also had it and Special Ed Giver was leaving him behind. There were a lot of us just plodding along as we ran west to Kedzie. From here is was almost straight south for 2 miles through this river front park. Turns? Only because the path through the park weaned back and forth. All right. They took us over for one block into the city streets and back to the park. Meanwhile Just Carrie and Serigne and a few others were crawling from one water station to another. Finally we saw the beer stop in the distance. I took a head count as I downed a water. About 26 runners with those that drove over with the beer. That accounts for Its Too Soft. Camera at the ready, back pack, no sweat. That is as in no sweat from running in all that heat. But where was the rest of the pack.

But we all had to circle up as Smell This started us off in Duck Duck Goose. Silly fun and we all loosened up a bit. I think that and the beer saved them from the noose that several hashers were weaving behind that tree. Finally after over fifteen minutes of that nonsense, the rest of the pack started to arrive. Weary, but smiling at the sight of beer.

We were soon off to the second beer stop. Yes, we still had to run on. A bunch of us tried to run and died after a block and walked to the beer stop. Another mile plus. And when I got there, there was no more beer. Of course there wasn’t much in the way of beer. All of the cans said Lite. We just ran over eight miles and they are trying to conserve on the calories we were drinking. It doesn’t taste great no matter what they tell you on television. Smell This was trying to organize a game of Izzy Dizzy. I saw Just Lori and a virgin Just Kim walking up. They arrived late, ran through the cemetery, gave up, went back through the cemetery and had to climb a fence were Just Lori managed to fall on her great looking ass.

From here it was On In to the Virgin Abode. We tapped two of the three kegs of Goose Island Beer. Way to go hares. After about a half hour our RA called the circle together for some down downs. Many deserved for the hares for their Marathon course. The virgins, I hope I got this right, Just Debra, Kim, Ryan, Samantha, Harris, Dave, Tim, Gerry, Mike, Lauren. And there were visitors, Sperm Burp, Serigne, and Just Mona. Just Lew got one for saying he shouldn’t have run that 8 miles that morning. No shit. Stab ’em and Slab ’em, Mudsucker, Lifa, Nuttin Bitch for biking the drive. Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs for escorting a bunch of virgins on a walking tour around the whole of the north side of Chicago. That and her broken collar bone. After the circle we ate. Good Peterbilt food, ribs, brisket, beans that were so strong that I couldn’t sit at my computer last night and live to see the dawn. We played some more Smell This games and Man O’Whore and Sweaty Nipples (yeah, she came back), won for being better at sucking off a banana and sucking out a taco quicker than anyone. Young kids. Don’t they know they are supposed to linger over those things? Doc Cum was back from Paris. Hand Solo came in from Waukesha. Ass Pocket returned. And the longest missing hashers of all, Ann Slanders and Necrophiliac, returned to drink with us. Now if we can only get them back out running again. We finally ended up in song with some Yogi Bear and Jesus can’t hash. Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs and Just Kim were mesmerized and excited by spot lights and sarongs and Calvin Klein was walking around in green Kilts. Batteries Not Included beat everybody at sucking beer through a straw. Peterbilt prempted Mouthful Of Meat for another lame accusation before she even started. More runners that showed included Hooked On Tonics, Cunt N Pasties, Boner Malfunction, EZ On The Ass, Gag Reflex, Just Stephen, Just Peter, Or G, Cum In My Ass Fault, Princess Labia, Virtually Hung, Just Amy, Just Kelly, To Loose To Screw, Mount Schwinga, Canned Pussy, & Ernst Cumingway. Some hash groupies included Blue Balls, Rhotan, Red Snapper, & Hot Pants.

A killer marathon Hash and a damn good On In.

On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1484

The Chicago Hash, 1 Apr 2007 by Horn-E

Princess Labia and Boner Malfunction laid this rainy trail. The RA, Calvin Klein will be punished for this. I counted 17 at the start. Not bad for a rainy day. That is, compared to recent numbers. So that was a surprise. They laid the trail in flour, so the marks weren’t to bad considering the rain. Well, that and the fact that it was a Boner Malfunction trail. We took off down some city streets. Hey, that is all there is around there. I caught a split and led to the first Check. Here is where we lost Calvin Klein and Smell This. The out trail was to close to the in trail and they followed the trail backwards, past the second beer check and to the first beer check. Meanwhile we ran in a light rain and finally hit a neighborhood grocery where Boner Malfunction was waiting with dollars for everyone to go in and pool their money together for six packs. We then headed over the Smell This‘s back porch to drink the beer. I managed to talk to Virtually Hung and found out that he was recruited as a hare to help carry something up to the third floor. That sounds like a keg. Why are we standing on a cold porch drinking bottles while there is a keg waiting? Then we were off again and following Calvin Klein who was now running what he already ran as he led us to the second beer stop in a park. Here we stood in the rain, drinking beer while there was a keg waiting for us at the finish, inside, warm, dry. Eventually we were off and we again followed Calvin Klein, which was good because the marks were being washed away by this time. He led us to a third beer stop. A third beer stop. We have a keg waiting. Oh. this one is in a porn shop. An adult toy store. We had beer in one hand while we fondled various toys with the other. Hmmm. Barks On All Fours was off looking for something special with Milk My Yak. That trapeze looked great. Chicken Stiffer was trying to remember which flag was his, the red one in the back room or the rainbow one in the store. Its Too Soft was taking pictures of various things for ideas for his next rooftop party. Speckle Bird, yes Speckle Bird actually came out. He was looking for bottle rockets and hair spray. Virgin Banger and Smell This were looking at a harness for Boner Malfunction for Memorial Day. Ernst Cummingway was off in the corner reading books and getting ideas for his next great novel novel. Just Mike was looking to get named in a threesome with Mount Schwinga and Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs. Mount him between their thighs and buy him two tickets to Schwinga heaven. I was just looking for all of these great toys I wanted to try out with Cum In My Ass Fault. Virtually Hung was looking at all of the dildos and thinking, THAT’S HUNG. Peter Cock In Tail was standing next to him and thinking about peters and cocks in tail. Hmmmm! And as for Princess Labia, think how convenient it is to live above this place. “Hold that position for a few minutes while I make a quick trip down stairs.” But back to beer. We still had beer up stairs and all of the bimbos blew their little penis whistles, again and again as they led us up to the heavens above. The keg was tapped, we drank, and Calvin Klein led us in a circle. Smell This and Calvin Klein for FRB. Barks On All Fours for DFL. Its a habit. FBI was Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs. And our visitor from DC, Peter Cock In Tail, got a down down and sang us the Hot Vigina song. Eventually Flying Hooters showed up. Pizzas were served and I understand that some stayed until after midnight and the keg still wasn’t floating. Just a hint. If we are paying for a keg, perhaps we don’t need three beer stops with cans of beer, while some of the keg will go to waste. But that beer stop in the toy store was good. Best of the year so far.