Category: Horn E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Feb 13, 2011 by Horn-E

This was from Burton Place and our hares were Sandy Syphilis and Mount Schwiiinga. We had 19 trail hounds on a beautiful day as all of the cuddly house bound puppies finally came out. We headed to the west to La Salle and a Split. Trail went south to a Check a block later. Up Loader took off like a streak and found trail through Sandburg Village. Unfortunately he missed a turn into a gangway. But Horn-E and Virgin Banger didn’t and led to the next Check at Goethe and Clark. They went east and only found two marks. Trail went south to a Triple Split at Division. With Horn-E and Virgin Banger running parallel, they spotted a mark on Division and were off in front again. A block later I found myself already falling back and that was the last I saw of the lead. Well, I did see the lead several more times. About a block away, just as the leader found the third mark after a Check. We did wander the Gold Coast and finally headed to the lake in the tunnel on North Ave. I did notice our four virgins, running like the four horseman. Or was it like some top ten runners in the Shamrock Shuffle. This led to a trip over the foot bridge and back into the park. I was now running with Soggy Deposits, Tumbleweed of the Pubes, International Virgin and Salty Gash. We barely managed to keep someone in sight as we enter the city on Armitage and worked our way south and west to the residence of Sandy Syphilis. and here we had to go through this narrow canyon and through a waterfall, full with the spring melt down, before climbing to the top of the mountain. Or was it a narrow gangway and a rooftop deck. Here there was fruit drinks available. No beer despite a BN on trail. We did find the short cutters Are They Real, Rent A Virgin and The Virgin’s Virgin.
After this we headed back to the bar where we found a six pack of house puppies, Chicken Stifer, R-Tard-E, Calvin Klein, SnatchSquatch, Batteries Not Included and Beer Spill Valdez.
We headed to the upper bar where Are They Real got the beer flowing. and it was just about all good beer as all beers were $8/pitcher and naturally we wanted good beers. Calvin Klein soon called a circle together and it was a good circle as he nailed the hares for that shitty trail and many others. We did have four virgins to call out and introduce to the hash. they included Just Stephani, Just Dale, Just Christy, and Just Adam #2. The party did rage on for once as we continued drinking the good beer available. Other hounds on trail included Just Chris, Just Adam #1, Glory Hole, Its Too Soft and O’Shitty Runch.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 6 Feb 2011 by Horn-E

We had the usual crew of Ballsalotapus, Cum In My Ass Fault, Just Do Me Slowly and the main trail hare, Virtually Hung back to Paulie’s for another Chinese New Years Day Hash. I got out of bed at 1:31. Late. Shit happens. Somehow I managed to get there in time for a late start and just in time to give my name before the fireworks start of the hash. Nice pack, not to large because of the snow, but 18 hounds. And we headed south for two blocks before a Triple Split. Last to the start, Horn-E managed to find this mark and lead, the wrong way. The marks were partially buried in the fresh snow and the first mark looked like a turn. It went straight. Damn. First for two feet and never again. We started to head towards Chinatown following last years On In trail. But this only lasted through a field and an narrow passage and suddenly past last years beer stop and then north. Trail went into an alley and they were lost. Suddenly Horn-E saw someone emerge a block north and apparently On. He wasn’t, but the trail did go north. We then went back west. Huh. Chinatown is east. We found a Check in two blocks. Lifa found marks to the west and then north through a tunnel. But there were no marks at the other end. So we returned. Horn-E again tried to find marks to the east, but that damn devious hare was having none of it. Trail was found to the north under the highway and back towards the bar. Huh. But only for a short block and then over to Halsted. Now we headed through a tunnel under the tracks. We followed and Horn-E was now last behind Mudsucker and again was assuming that he had to go east. Damn, A block north and the trail went west through some new housing areas. Horn-E finally managed to pass the rear, mostly walking Stab ’em & Slab ’em, Special Head, and Bloody Thighs. We went further east and then into a tunnel to the south and a split. Had us all confused and people running back when Lifa found a very hidden mark. We came out at the south end and headed east and up to a rail right a way. Here was another Split and many were out in the main rail area looking all over. But it was Ginger Snatch who found marks to the south through deep snow. The KGB was soon passing Horn-E and right behind her. From here the trail headed west and eventually south and a Check that regrouped the pack. I think it was Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off who found this trail because I short cut and paralleled and she came back to where I was, in front. We now headed south together and ran along a little park. Eventually some ran into the park and Tampon Tampoff found marks to the south. Well, both trails came into each other. The original trail actually led to that trail in the park and we were soon on that trail and heading east. A few blocks later we hit another rail right a way and I followed Ginger Snatch to the north. Last in this pack, but there were still about ten behind us and out of sight.
Two blocks later we were at a beer stop. The Asian bimbos, Just Do Me Slowly and Cum In My Ass Fault were serving beer like beautiful Wanchi girls. Ballsalotapus was playing Mandarin, Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included, who didn’t run were there drinking our beer. And about ten hounds. We all watched some city front loader wasting taxpayer money shoveling snow into trucks when there were these two huge empty fields to plow snow into. Our city at work. Eventually the rest of the pack arrived.
Horn-E finally left the beer stop and led back to the bar where the house puppies were waiting, Just Melinda, Blue Balls sitting at the bar. Its Too Soft playing with his TV. No, not transvestite. Crop Duster the victim of a power mower was lame. Soon everyone came in.
Best story of the trail was Just Ryan who managed to find a plastic milk carton on trail and picked it up. Trouble was, a milk carton to some is a commode to others. Suddenly his gloves smelled like, well, SHIT. He would be named much later that day. Hobo Shit? No. He shall now be know as O’Shitty Runch. Somehow Horn-E was called out as DFL despite coming in ahead of about ten hashers and did a down down. It is a conspiracy. The hares did many as usual and well deserved. Our virgin was called out, Just Jake. He’ll be back. Many more drank, for running and not running and other stupid things, to numerous to mention.
Finally circle was called and food was served. Good flied lice. Then a raffle was held. I didn’t win anything. I finally got a ride home and took it. My feet were wet and cold and I needed a warm shower. Good time.
Who else was there? Nut Roper doing a Rahm Emanuel impersonation by almost losing his finger. But at least he got his caught in a pussy. Just Chris, Just Jeff, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown, Whoreo, and 69 Cent Man,

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 30 Jan 2011 by Horn-E

This was the birthday hash for Calvin Klein and he and Batteries Not Included were our hares from Joe’s again. $3.75 pitchers of water. I mean Coors Light. And cupcakes and pizzas.
But first the trail. The hares they went and laid a shitty trail. and Happy Ass Grabber really started out the circle in a shitty manner. Was this a prophecy. We had a pack of 18, the first good sized pack for Chicago in some time. We headed to the east and through an alley. Was there a Check? The pack was scattered and I was off with Just Clio to the north when the pack took off to the south, We followed them through two alleys until I spotted a short cut through an empty lot. The pack was swinging north and we followed across North ave in an alley and on across Halsted. Horn-E was definetly falling behind with only Just Shawnna behind him. That didn’t last long and he was soon all alone in the back. In the distance he could see Return To Gender from Madison and Its Too Soft. they occasionally drifted in sight and out of sight. Like at Clybourn where Horn-E caught the light and they disappeared again. Trail went north behind the old Goose Island brewery building and to the north to Cortland and then a long straight stretch across the river and to a Check at Elston. So far guessing right at each unmarked Split and Check was working. It was mostly easy to predict this trail and the marks weren’t far out, which explains why the pack got so stretched out. Anyhow, guessing the trail went south on Elston proved correct and the first mistake was made at the next Split. One arrow pointed up onto the tracks. Could we possibly be getting into some good shit. Not. Coming back Horn-E found Its Too Soft and Return To Gender coming up behind him and passing him. Now where did he pass them? Anyhow, the three mostly ran together all of the way back to the bar on a fairly straight back course. Dead Fucking Last. Not. about five minutes later Lifa came in bitching about how none of the Splits or Checks were marked. That’s because the hares stayed in the bar and drank beer while we ran. And how in hell did we get past Lifa?
In the circle, Uploader was called for being the FRB. And the hares got numerous well deserved down downs and several birthday down downs. Calvin Klein led the circle and we all had a good time until the pizza arrived. Fuck the circle, that pizza was good. Good cupcakes for desert and we all finally left. Who else was on trail? Rhotan, 10 Dix With Wings, Mouthful Of Meat, Platypussy, Taste The Rainbow, Just Lisa, Chicken Stifer, Poultry Fucker, Just Ryan and Just Chris. Soul Taco and Ice Princess showed up late for the party looking like the newest Hash Couple in matching colors. I just found out that Ice Princess is planning on doing an Iron Man Triathalon in Sept. That is a hell of a lot more work then I ever plan on doing for any event. Good luck.

Damn, I just checked the snow at 2AM. My courtyard has 15 good solid inches of snow. The hashing is really going to be good this weekend.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 9 Jan, 2010 by Horn-E

A surprising mild day for this trail laid by Back Door County and Its Too Soft for their A to B trail from Paddy Long’s Pub and a surprising good turnout of 17 hounds. It was a mostly simple trail as we headed north and just west of Sheffield and finally crossing Sheffield near the Hospital. Here we had our second Check that seemed to take a bit of time until trail was found right past the entrance and to the west to a
Split at Halsted. Hey, what is so hard. It goes north to the six corner intersection. Its Too Soft was heard to yell to Back Door County that he wanted to get ahead and watch this one. Well, it was harder then normal. Why? Later. First, I headed north along Halsted and found a turn down Barry. False. Then we went back to Halsted where we found a mark heading north. But soon we ran into Sperm Diversion and Virtually Hung returning. Another False. I headed south to check out Briar. Again I found two marks on the north side of the street. As I was returning on the south side, Sperm Diversion was following my footsteps and I diverted him, returning on the south side of Briar. At the alley I saw the pack coming my way. Apparently a hint from the hares. I headed down the alley and at the turn, an almost invisible mark was found. Uploader passed me and soon we were on three and ON. So that is why it was so hard. The first mark was way around the corner and well into the alley. If all our Checks were were marked like that, we’d still be looking for marks from three weeks ago. But we were On and trail went to Broadway and then south to Diversey, for another Check. Horn-E headed south in an alley and at the end he spotted a hasher running out of the parking lot behind the post office. He was checking out a Split. Horn-E followed and there was apparently another loop behind MacDonalds and back to Broadway to continue south on Broadway. At the next intersection was another Split. There were about five of us up front at this point. One hasher was off to the east and returning. Chicken Stifer went south and just kept going and going. We finally followed because the trail didn’t go east and less then fifty feet south of the intersection was an arrow. Huh! So we were finally On again. Trail headed south and through a parking lot to an alley and then west on Arlington. Now this doesn’t sound to difficult. Over to Its Too Soft’s condo on Fullerton. Right? Right. And as I got there so did Its Too Soft and he retrieved some beer from a doorway and we drank. From here it was straight back to his other place for the finish. A short hash of about three miles.
Beer started to flow and a few settled into watching TV while the rest of us gathered in the kitchen or in small circles to talk about trail, etc. Eventually Chicken Stifer tried to do a circle during commercials for some football game. Two, three down downs, stop, 2,3 stop, 2,3 stop. Nice try, but it wasn’t working very well. Needed to end it. Either watch TV or do a circle. It was finally ended and Its Too Soft got out some pizza and we settled into eating and drinking beer. Who else was there? Just Ryan, Just Do Me Slowly, Ginger Snatch, 10 Dix With Wings, Uploader, Just Jenna, Just Adam, The Dark Kunt, Skull And Boner, Just Chris a virgin and two visitors from St. Louis, Disco Ass and Dewey Sexual System. We were later joined by Crop Duster.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 26 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

This was set by Chicken Stifer out of O’Lanagans. All right, it wasn’t a bad trail, but you didn’t read that here. The marks were mostly good considering the snow. Chicken Stifer wasn’t at the start, but we found marks and had a quick chalk talk. There was yet another small pack. Only three Chicago hashers, Lifa, Up Loader and Horn-E. We actually had more visitors then Chicago Hashers and we were joined by Prick Of The Litter, AC/DC, Morning Missile, and his sister, Escrowtum. We took off through the park and then headed west across Western. Lifa was leading here as we struggled through several marks that left us guessing as to what they where. Damn locals. But we finally headed south and back to Montrose, just east of the river for a Check. This allowed us to regroup as Escrowtum was more of a walker and she just arrived as Lifa found trail through a gate and past an apartment and to the riverside path. Somehow towards the end, the trail headed down an alley and Up Loader led us here. At the end of the alley was a car stuck in the snow. Lifa in all of his generosity, talked Morning Missile and the one armed plow truck to push the poor bastard out. Again, we almost all regrouped. We were now heading over to Western and then south. Horn-E tried to hold back a bit to show Escrowtum the way and lost track of the others. And as the trail started to turn at every corner, he lost track of her and what happened after that is speculation. And I won’t. Escrowtum finally gave up and went back to the bar. Horn-E tried to follow trail, through alleys, gangways and finally over to this hospital parking lot. There was this spray of flour. Was it a Check. Turn. Split, Back Check. Or even a BN. There were plows everywhere. Guessing a Check, Horn-E went west and out of the area, going back and forth and finding not another mark. Meanwhile, the rest of the pack was on the top deck of the multistory parking garage, hiding in a stairway, drinking beer. Back at the bar we waited about ten minutes before the beer stop crew and hare arrived. Along with Virgin Banger, Humpty Dumpty and some guy names Just Matt. All drunk. And Humpty Dumpty and Just Matt were carrying on like two thirteen year olds on their first drunk. Lifa tried to hold circle, but it was to chaotic and beer was being thrown around, including on the pool table. We ended circle quickly. But out hare got a few. We were also joined by another visitor, Just Edwin who might make the TH3 run this week and a hash on Sun. The terrible two, started to throw beer at each other and Virgin Banger finally got them out of the bar and into a cab. Did that cab end up on the news? We restarted another circle and had some fun. Finally shortly after six, the last of the Chicago Hashers left, besides Horn-E holding fort with all five of the visitors still there. We finally left around 8:30. And I want to thank all of the visitors for joining us, even though we only had three Chicago Hashers on trail.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 12 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

Here we go again. Last week, Happy Ass Grabber advertised the TH3 Hash with “Shitty weather=great hash”. It wasn’t that bad and either was the hash. And this day wasn’t that bad for a Chicago Hash. Back before I joined the hash, the Chicago Hash ran a decent trail on the day Chicago hit its lowest temp ever, -28 degrees with a -80 degree wind chill. This just wasn’t that bad. There were gusts of maybe thirty and they helped cool me off after wearing to many layers of clothes. The temps were in the 20s. Not bad at all while running. Hoosier Daddy and Just Lisa laid trail using blue flour and it all, all, held up. We ran from the Red Line Tap and it was heavy metal day with people with tattoos and piercings and leather and levis everywhere. And stuff for sale. We weren’t interested. We are hashers. And finally the pack arrived. Horn-E was first and Lifa was last and there was no one else coming out on this great day for hashing. Just the two most prolific hashers in town. And Lifa even drove from Wheaton or wherever he lives, just for this hash. Where were you? “Shitty weather=great hash”. There were two four legged hounds to join us on trail, Dingo(?) and Loka(?). Loka was really enjoying the snow and wind. Dingo ended up being carried for part of the trail by Hoosier Daddy.
Meanwhile, Lifa and Horn-E took off on trail. Heading west, we ran about three blocks before we found our first Check. Lifa was ahead to the west. Horn-E opted for the wind at his back and headed south and was soon on. Some trees were even marked with blue. Trail headed south for a bit and then further west. Horn-E was still leading with Just Lisa and Loka following. This led to a Split. By now Lifa was there and Horn-E headed south in an alley. On. He blew the horn, but in the wind, I think the sound was heard on Devon instead of around the corner and up wind. By the time he got to the end of the alley, he finally spotted Lifa and waved him on. Another Check. Horn-E headed further west and found nothing. Lifa wandered around and finally found trail to the east. At this point he was running with our sweep Just Lisa and Loka. We headed east all of the way to the El tracks and then went on a big loop to the south. Along the way I encountered the Abominable Snowman caring some fresh game. No wait. That was Hoosier Daddy carrying Dingo. I ran on. The trouble with going south with the wind meant we had to go north to return. Against the wind. And we did and it felt great. I had so many layers of shirts on that I was sweating and need the cool relief. We did find another Check heading towards the lake. We must have ran around for ten minutes before Lifa finally found marks down an alley to the north. And there was Hoosier Daddy waiting for us. From here it was several more blocks before we finally got back to the Red Line Tap.
We held a quick CH3 Meeting and decided that we wouldn’t pay any Hash Cash today, but each buy our own beer. Our decision was aided by the fact that it was dollar glass day. We held a quick circle and Lifa sang another Christmas song for us.
Then Lifa decided to leave after one beer because of his long, hour or longer, ride home. And just after he left, Fistful Of Pricks came in. When asked why she didn’t get there for the hash, she just smiled. And then Just Lisa decided to leave to find parking at home. Hoosier Daddy was also going to leave for the same reason. And Horn-E dressed and headed out to the El. And the weather wasn’t bad enough to have an all time low attendance for CH3. Just two. Really hashers, lets get out there. “Shitty weather=great hash”

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 5 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

It was cold. Bitter cold. Like hell. It was just a little below freezing. So where was everybody? Corn Star
was our hare out of the Pitch. We had only 7 hounds. Yes, seven. And four of them didn’t have 20 hashes between them, or names yet and two hounds were on their second hash, Just Laurel and Just Camdin. And they both did well against the experienced three hounds. Well, Lifa did well, but Horn-E and Its Too Soft were mainly behind a lot. Just John and Just Ryan have been around a bit lately and they were doing well too.
So after a quick chalk talk, the Magnificent Seven took off on Corn Star’s trail. We found a Check at Webster and Just Ryan was soon on to the west and north and through some alleys. From the back of the pack it looked like Lifa was finding most of the marks, or ranging as usual and getting lucky. He actually missed two short loops and picked up the trail further on. We crossed Fullerton for a bit and then it was back south through some town houses and further south, and around a park. Here was a Check that seemed a bit tough. Why? I have no idea, I was last to the Check and they seemed to be struggling. I saw Its Too Soft head south and I went to Check because he never leaves the Check unless someone found something. He wasn’t in sight. At the alley, I saw Its Too Soft, Just John and Just Camdin at the end. Now, it was really slippery out there, but these three hounds didn’t look like there were slipping. That takes motion. They looked glued to the spot. I called for Just Laurel and they were still motionless. If they were lying down, I’d have called an ambulance and checked for a heart beat. So I headed off in another direction and just as I was about to disappear out of sight, an On call was made. So there I was playing catch up. I finally caught the back runners Just John and Its Too Soft just before we headed south on Clybourn. Now with the narrow, partially covered with snow, side walks and slippery spots where lazy bastards didn’t shovel and it was now slick ice, I opted for the safe dry streets. Hell, there were only shoppers in cars on cell phones, yelling at kids, drinking a latte, and fumbling with their free hand under their clothing. That was safer then the ice. Anyhow, I digress. Six other hashers ran down the sidewalk and not a one saw the turn arrow. It was there. I saw it after we ran back a block. So now we headed into the industrial area. Lifa was back out in front. Way in front. We got to a Check at Cortland and were spread all over when tail was found to the west. And over the bridge. Where was this girl taking us. Another Check at Elston had us really split up. LIfa headed to the Metra Station. I think everyone else headed straight. Its Too Soft was trying to hide his camouflage outfit against a wall to stay warm. Horn-E went north and soon saw Lifa blowing his whistle. He blew his horn and followed Lifa back between factories and to a little field by the river where we found beer. Several minutes later, Corn Star led the rest of the pack on in. And we stood around in the glowing rays of the setting sun drinking beer. This was Corn Star’s first solo attempt at haring and it was ……. The two newest hashers, Just Camdin and Just Laurel did a real decent job of getting out there at Checks right from the first Check. Well done.
Back at the Pitch we found Fistful Of Pricks, Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein sitting around drinking beer. Calvin Klein soon called us into a circle and went on and on giving down downs to the hare and her surrogate, the bar tender, the non runners and on and on and on. After it was over, many ordered food and then soon left.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 28 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Double Bubble and our hares were Ginger Snatch and Just Michael. We had fifteen hounds with one of them a virgin, Just Camdin, three visitors, Screws On First, Summer’s Eve, and the former area hasher, Canned Pussy, and a hasher not seen hashing in years, TransFrancisco Treat. But that still left 10 current hounds to lead the trail. Well, except for Lifa and Horn-E who were taken out by the hares early in the game and ran the trail backwards. So much for experience. Well done hares.
Trail headed east and west right from the start with an immediate Turkey/Eagle Split after one block. Horn-E led the eagles into a parking lot to the west and immediately became DFL at the first Split. We headed south through a series of alleys next to the El tracks, passed a three squad car bust in progress, another block south and finally east towards the lake. But this led to an immediate Check and the pack was scattered to the east and south when the trail was found to the north. Damn hares. This led to another check a block north. And again the hares sucked the pack along while Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs and Just Ryan were far to the east, Just John was in a parking lot, someone was far to the north, Lifa found trail west, crossing the previous trail and past the police again. Now we crossed Broadway and Lifa beat the traffic and was way out in front. Horn-E led the rest down an alley missing a short loop back to Broadway. But Lifa was seen ahead in the alley, at a T in the alley. Lifa went west. Trail came back around a building and a mark was seen heading west by Horn-E. So he went west. Naturally. A block later, they are calling On to the north in that alley. Well, a turn arrow must have been missed. But Lifa was ahead and last seen, he was heading west. So Horn-E headed west on a parallel course. The hare warned us about this. After a reeeeal long block, Horn-E headed north and came to an arrow from the north going into the alley. Looking ahead, he could see Lifa running around like at a Check. A weirdly marked BVN sign. So he blew the horn and entered the alley to find B. And no beer and no one else. Lifa soon joined him. Now what? Apparently we stumbled onto the B2. Yes, two of them. Damn, did we get sucked in. Lifa soon headed backwards on trail and Horn-E eventually followed, a long twisting trail heading north and east and into Loyola campus. Here we saw the on out trail, but continued backwards to B1, a block north of the campus along Lake Michigan. Yeah, like we have another lake? Horn-E arrived just as the pack was finishing up and we all headed south and west and to B2. This time Horn-E just ran and walked along with Just John and Just Ryan was seen streaking ahead trying to win. Well, with Lifa laying back also, who was going to beat him. From here it was a short walk back to the bar.
Back at the bar we found Fistful Of Pricks, again not running, and Black Widow, a former area hasher, back in town who just missed the start. And of course, they didn’t know each other so they each sat alone. Just after we all got our warm clothes off to relax in the bar, Lifa got us into the back yard for a circle and we had to redress for the cold. And it got cold. And Lifa had very little help in extending the circle as we were mostly all shivering back there. But we did get the two non runners, Black Widow and Fistful Of Pricks, the virgin, Just Camdin, the three visitors, Screws On First and Summer’s Eve the founders of the new Alamogordo Hash in New Mexico, and Canned Pussy, and about seven hashers who haven’t felt we were worth running with as of late, including TransFrancisco Treat, Stab “em & Slab ’em, Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, Fistful Of Pricks, Magnetic Muff, Cum In My Ass Fault and Black Widow. Yeah, they all had reasons, but no excuses were excepted and they all drank beer.
After that, it was back into the bar, finally. There we drank late watching Just John hitting on Black Widow. Black Widow hitting on Just John. The bar regulars hitting on Ginger Snatch. And Bloody Thighs was hitting on everyone except Horn-E. And eventually we were treated by the hares to two giant pizza’s. Well done. The pizza. Shitty trail as all of your down downs proved.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 20 Nov 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Soul Taco’s place where she was hosting the CH3’s annual Thanksgiving Hash turkey dinner. CH3 had to move this event to Sat to accommodate Soul Taco’s personal needs. So they mover the start back to 3PM so as to not conflict with the normal schedule of the Bushman Hash. Soul Taco had a partner in crime in Poultry Fucker in laying that trail. Actually the ladies laid a decent trail with some good loops, but you never heard it here. It was a shitty trail. Poultry Fucker was sweeping and led the beginning circle, with our virgin, Just John paying close attention. Like anybody else was. We had a pack of 12 hounds at the start and we were right off into the alleys of the area. Heading south east we hit a Check. Dark Side Of The Poon was seen up at Belmont on a False. Trail went south for a nice little loop that had the trail coming back to within about a hundred feet of earlier trail. But the pack was all following and no one managed that short cut. From here it was at least one gangway and down a couple of short alleys where Horn-E and R-Tard-E managed to catch a short cut to the pack and a Check at Kimball/Milwaukee/Diversey. This one had is going in circles. Crop Duster went way south on Milwaukee before trail was found to the north on Kimball. We wandered around several streets and finally through a school yard and a fence climb. Or run around if you were paying attention. But the pack was stretching out and we finally approached Logan Blvd and those at the back could just catch some hounds approaching the Logan Monument. Check. Naturally. And the lead hounds were already out of sight. Trail seemed to go west. Wrong. That is where Horn-E managed to accost some bimbo running along. Actually, she asked him if we were hashers. Meanwhile the pack disappeared to the south as Horn-E told her how to find out about us. It was about three blocks later before he caught the sweep, Are They Real and Salty Gash. But they were short cutting and Horn-E ran on, now off trail. As he wandered on, Poultry Fucker finally caught him to guide him back to trail and towards the beer stop. And a block later, there was the pack. And about three blocks later was the beer stop in a park along Diversey. Soul Taco was there with beer and Its Too Soft, arriving late, went with her to the beer stop. The pack was complete. Others on trail included Just Ian, Happy Ass Grabber and Turbo Dog, Goldilocks, Hump Me Dump Me, Just Mary and Rhotan. After a bit, the chills started and we headed back to the On In for some Taco Turkey. We found a bunch of couch potatoes along with the mashed potatoes waiting for us. They included Chicken Stifer, I Like Dick, Glory Hole and Ice Princess. Horn-E headed to the kitchen with knife and fork in hand for some KP. That’s Kutting Poultry, and not that Poultry. That’s carving turkey. And the circle commenced in the living room. I heard our Virgin, Just John, getting introduced, and the hares were constantly called out. After we settled into a good dinner with all sorts of side dishes to compliment the Turkey.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 14 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

We had 10K Tika Ho and Genesis as our hares out of Ravenswood Pub and damn if the trail didn’t look a lot like Lifa’s trail at TH3 from the previous week. We had 14 hounds on this trail as the pack took off to the south for a quick loop through the alley and then to the north. Trail wound through a few streets until we got caught on a Check that seemed to take a while to find. Trail was finally found to the north and east and Lifa led Horn-E and a few hashers through an alley and after the leaders. We went east to Clark and then north. Here is where Horn-E almost lost it all. Some hashers had crossed Clark and he followed and they headed north. Trouble is, the trail didn’t. Just before Ashland and Clark met, trail headed west and south on Ashland. Horn-E looked west and saw no one. He looked south and apparently just missed seeing hashers looping around and across Clark. So he followed and soon found himself out of sight of the pack. Read that DFL. He ran on and on and thanks to some Splits and Checks being marked, he finally saw the pack at Ridge and near Hollywood at a Check. The back of the pack was just crossing Ridge and he got caught by traffic. But a Split and Horn-E was soon right behind the pack. Our next Check was at Ridge/Broadway,Bryn Mawr. Hashers were already standing around. He crossed Bryn Mawr and headed east just as Lifa appeared at an alley and blew his whistle. Blowing his horn, Horn-E was in hot pursuit. From DFL to running second in a few blocks. The beauty of hashing. About two blocks later was a Split. Lifa had gone south so Horn-E went west and was soon on and he blew his horn for those at the Check, Just John and Just Mary. And so it was as Horn-E kept finding Splits and guessing right and they stayed right behind him. We finally headed back to Clark, south and then across Ashland and more winding through streets. Over a mile in the lead when Horn-E finally missed a turn into an alley. Just Mary spotted it and took the lead with Just John down an alley and Horn-E right behind. Now it was their turn to miss a mark, a Split. At the next street we realized we weren’t On. Lifa was now gaining on us and Horn-E yelled for him to look for a mark. He spotted a Split at an alley and because we weren’t On, he had to be. We then followed Lifa for a few blocks until he went into an underpass under the Metra tracks. Now, just 10 days ago, Lifa hared here and had a Beer Stop right over this underpass in a parking lot. Here is where he went wrong. The lead hound should never assume where the trail will go. Here is where the hares can really screw the pack. He found marks, but we weren’t sure what he found. We went north a bit when Lifa started to second guess his shortcut. As we stood around, Just Mary was sent a block north to look for marks. Meanwhile the rest of the pack started to arrive and they were heading straight out of the tunnel and on to the correct trail. So, Lifa, Just John and Horn-E followed. Meanwhile, Just Mary returned and found a Split. She followed it and was soon leading and heading north to a loop around a building and to a back entrance along some tracks and the beer stop where the hares and Goldilocks were waiting with beer. Back on true trail we came to a Check. Lifa went back towards where we already were. Horn-E went north and actually found true trail that led to the parking lot again and eventually back to where Just Mary already went. Lifa was soon behind him and we led some hashers on to the beer stop.
After the beer stop we found free bar food available and all was good. Beer was flowing. But we were soon dragged outside in the cold for a circle so we wouldn’t bother all of the bar patrons. Some hashers left but we had a short circle and some fun. Then we came back in and got into the beer that was still flowing thanks to the short circle. After a bit we were asked to take part in rock paper scissors. Corn Star won and got a big jug of cheese balls. Just Mary took second and got $25 bar cash. Horn-E took third and won a bottle of hooch. Others on trail included Its Too Soft, Bloody thighs, Hoosier Daddy, Beer Stop Valdez, Mudsucker, Stab ’em & Slab ’em, The KGB, Mount Schwiiinga and Chicken Stiffer.
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On On
Horn-E