The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 28 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E
We ran out of Double Bubble and our hares were Ginger Snatch and Just Michael. We had fifteen hounds with one of them a virgin, Just Camdin, three visitors, Screws On First, Summer’s Eve, and the former area hasher, Canned Pussy, and a hasher not seen hashing in years, TransFrancisco Treat. But that still left 10 current hounds to lead the trail. Well, except for Lifa and Horn-E who were taken out by the hares early in the game and ran the trail backwards. So much for experience. Well done hares.
Trail headed east and west right from the start with an immediate Turkey/Eagle Split after one block. Horn-E led the eagles into a parking lot to the west and immediately became DFL at the first Split. We headed south through a series of alleys next to the El tracks, passed a three squad car bust in progress, another block south and finally east towards the lake. But this led to an immediate Check and the pack was scattered to the east and south when the trail was found to the north. Damn hares. This led to another check a block north. And again the hares sucked the pack along while Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs and Just Ryan were far to the east, Just John was in a parking lot, someone was far to the north, Lifa found trail west, crossing the previous trail and past the police again. Now we crossed Broadway and Lifa beat the traffic and was way out in front. Horn-E led the rest down an alley missing a short loop back to Broadway. But Lifa was seen ahead in the alley, at a T in the alley. Lifa went west. Trail came back around a building and a mark was seen heading west by Horn-E. So he went west. Naturally. A block later, they are calling On to the north in that alley. Well, a turn arrow must have been missed. But Lifa was ahead and last seen, he was heading west. So Horn-E headed west on a parallel course. The hare warned us about this. After a reeeeal long block, Horn-E headed north and came to an arrow from the north going into the alley. Looking ahead, he could see Lifa running around like at a Check. A weirdly marked BVN sign. So he blew the horn and entered the alley to find B. And no beer and no one else. Lifa soon joined him. Now what? Apparently we stumbled onto the B2. Yes, two of them. Damn, did we get sucked in. Lifa soon headed backwards on trail and Horn-E eventually followed, a long twisting trail heading north and east and into Loyola campus. Here we saw the on out trail, but continued backwards to B1, a block north of the campus along Lake Michigan. Yeah, like we have another lake? Horn-E arrived just as the pack was finishing up and we all headed south and west and to B2. This time Horn-E just ran and walked along with Just John and Just Ryan was seen streaking ahead trying to win. Well, with Lifa laying back also, who was going to beat him. From here it was a short walk back to the bar.
Back at the bar we found Fistful Of Pricks, again not running, and Black Widow, a former area hasher, back in town who just missed the start. And of course, they didn’t know each other so they each sat alone. Just after we all got our warm clothes off to relax in the bar, Lifa got us into the back yard for a circle and we had to redress for the cold. And it got cold. And Lifa had very little help in extending the circle as we were mostly all shivering back there. But we did get the two non runners, Black Widow and Fistful Of Pricks, the virgin, Just Camdin, the three visitors, Screws On First and Summer’s Eve the founders of the new Alamogordo Hash in New Mexico, and Canned Pussy, and about seven hashers who haven’t felt we were worth running with as of late, including TransFrancisco Treat, Stab “em & Slab ’em, Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, Fistful Of Pricks, Magnetic Muff, Cum In My Ass Fault and Black Widow. Yeah, they all had reasons, but no excuses were excepted and they all drank beer.
After that, it was back into the bar, finally. There we drank late watching Just John hitting on Black Widow. Black Widow hitting on Just John. The bar regulars hitting on Ginger Snatch. And Bloody Thighs was hitting on everyone except Horn-E. And eventually we were treated by the hares to two giant pizza’s. Well done. The pizza. Shitty trail as all of your down downs proved.