Mismanagement Highlights

CH3 Highlights
7/1/08 at 7:30 pm
Hidden Shamrock
2723 N. Halsted

Present: Chicken Stiffer-GM, Calvin Klein-RA, Its Too Soft- Web Fool, Batteries Not Included & Mouthful of Meat- Hare Razors, Rotten Whore-Hasher, Just Amanda-Hasher, Moan On Trail-Hasher, Horn-e- Hasher- 9 Present

GM REPORT

A. Budget
1. Ok�ed budget $653 in Hash cash- NO QUESTIONS ASKED ABOUT CASH
2. No hash tax collected for 9 months. We will start to collect hash tax for the next couple of months.
3. Hash Cash is $8 NO ONE BEFORE MEETING or AT MEETING EXPRESSED any concern of the new hash
Cash being $8 instead of $6.

B. ANTHRAX Hash �Quick notes
1. Need Volunteers to help MM run Anthrax this year. SUPER STUF�HER has said yes to trail help?
2. ANTHRAX HASH DEC. 20 2 pm!!!! SAVE THE DATE
3. Maybe have downtown location?

C. Calendar
1. POWER OF THE PUSSY (POP) July 11-13 Weekend!! Talk to MOM, Batteries, Salty, Schwiinga, 867
2. Possible date for 1569 hash is October 18, 2008 marathon is Oct. 12 that date is out.
3. August 31, 2008 Labor Day Hash at ITS TOO SOFT. Also August 16, 2008 Air and Water Show Party
4. R-Tard-E wants to do a campout at his Place in Wisconsin over the Summer. Maybe September?
5. NEXT JV hashes will be July 26 & August 23.

COMMITTEE REPORTS

D. Hare Razor- Mouthful and Batteries
1. NICE JOB KEEPING US WITH HARES WE ARE BASICALLY BOOKED WITH HARES THRU SEPTEMBER!!
2. Have a new Bar wiki so hares can find hash friendly Bars. http://editthis.info/chicagohash/Main_Page
3. Phone line will only carry CH3 & TH3 updates other hashes have decided not to be part of hash line.

E. WEB dude and Social chair- GREAT WORK IN UPDATING THE WEBSITE
1. ITS TOO SOFT now puts out the CH3 hareline.
2. Will work on getting TH3 listed on the calendar of the CH3 website with One handed Typist.

F. Haberdashery could use new Haberdashery- New Haberdashery is MOUNT SCHWIIINGA
1. WE will have new tank tops for ladies out NEXT WEEK!!!
2. Have plenty of t-shirts to sell along with other left over things.
3. Looking at getting Dri-fit

G. RA�s & circle: Calvin?
1. ENEMA CANAL IS NEW CO-RA Nice job so far
2. New songs?

H. Misc

1. Bungle in the Jungle August 8-10 Big Hump campout
2. JUNE 27-29 DAYTON CAMPOUT weekend
3. Sept. 6th Cubs in Sin City ROAD TRIP?
New Business

– Bag Squeezer–> If you visit another hasher like big hump and miss our hash should it count? Bag Squeezer go fuck yourself. This was voted down but thanks for the suggestion keep them coming.

– Attendance has been excellent we are Averaging 34.1 hashers per each hash since Jan. 1 this year. Look for attendance list posted in the yahoo groups.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1551

Enema Canal

Chicago Cum-Times

Hashed Last Day of June 2008, 7PM
Piano Man

CHICAGO #1551 � So what happens exactly a week after the Cubbies sweep the Sox at Wrigley? Payback! The Sox clean up at the Cell placing the two teams at a dead tie. Well, for those who haven�t purchased riot gear for the potential White Sox-Cubbies World Series, you should probably plan on camping out at ODOR EATER�s or EZ ON THE ASS�s during that time. THE ENEMA CANAL and JUST JULIA are pretty much screwed since they live in that borderland between the 35th and Addison Red Line Stops way outside of the �Green Zone.�

But enough apocalyptics, the hash found itself in the fairly quiet and somber Piano Man where the residents of Wrigleyville (Are they called Wrigleys? You know like the Whos from Whoville?) were definitely not celebrating. Being that this was a BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CALVIN KLEIN trail we were all expecting a long trail full of heartbreak. Some hashers such as HOOSIER DADDY and CROP DUSTER remember the Beer Near followed by a Beer Very Near followed by a Beer Very Very Near from the last trail those two hares laid.

CALVIN, ever the considerate one, brought out the virgins JUST KAWIKA and JUST MATT closer to the Chalk Talk so that they would be guaranteed to be lost later in the trail. We also had a visit from PROSTATE PIRATE AAARRGH! who was in town for a confAAARRRence. We also had a dog, CHEESE, who is part of the HAPPY ASS GRABBER family. And as soon as CALVIN got tired of explaining marks we were all off to find the trail.

BAGSQUEEZER and JUST JOHN set off ahead of everyone else while the virgins were warned that following ENEMA, ROTTEN WHORE, or HORN-E could result in being lost for quite a while as those three are terrible SCBs(Short Cutting Bastards). After a couple of checks we were soon joined by THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER and TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS. When we finally arrived at the Beer Stop, ww met up with ONE HANDED TYPIST who was lounging about waiting for SUPER STUF�HER to arrive so they could feed the bottomless pits of their stomachs. As we began to become refreshed in the oh so hot sandwich shop. Apparently the heat was too much for some as IT�S TOO SOFT felt it necessary to take the Clark 22 bus back to Piano Man.

So CALVIN and ENEMA held circle as chefs JUST I LEAN and CUMS ON I LEAN tended to grilling dogs. So what happened other than ROTTEN WHORE never leaving the virgins alone? Well apparently ODOR EATER mistook ROTTEN WHORE for LOWER WACKOFF which is just plain odd. Oh yes, I almost forgot, we celebrated the loss of the Cubs with song and merriment. We also had to call out MAGENTIC MUFF and SIR POOPS A LOT for not calling out other people. So who wanted to win the hash this time? Well it was JUST BILL with his triathlon shirt who had this overpowering urge to get back first. CROP DUSTER on the other hand distracted JUST JULIA and led her into the bar ensuring that she would be the FBI(First Bimbo In), just edging out TWO TICKETS. Of course that meant the DFL(Dead Fucking Last) was R-TARD-E that was until MUDSUCKER showed up later only to be later followed by MOUNT SCHWIIINGA.

HARES (2): Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
VIRGINS (4): Just Matt, Just Kawika, Just Jeff, Just Zack
VISITORS (1): Prostate Pirate Aaarrgh! (Charleston, South Carolina) 
HASHERS (33): Bagsqueezer, Smelly Concha, The Enema Canal, Snatchsquatch, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Crop Duster, Salty Gash, Sit-n-Pee, One Handed Typist, Magnetic Muff, Just Bill, Just Sarah, Just Julia, Just Kelly, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Barry O�Manilow, Horn-E, Happy Ass Grabber, Super Stuf�Her, Mouthful of Meat, 2 Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, Sir Poops A Lot, Hooked on Tonics, Just John, It�s Too Soft, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Benafuckedher
WALKER (3): EZ on the Ass, Mudsucker, Mount Schwiiinga
DOG (1): Cheese (Why do we keep getting dogs? And who pays for them?)

CUBS � 0
W. SOX � 3

TOTAL HASHERS � 43 including 5 Walk-ins (2 of them being Virgins)

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Mount Schwiiinga was voted MVP of her kickball team.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1550.5

Hash Trash: 6/28/08 CHICAGO JV- #1
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: The Union
VIRGINS: Just Martin, Just Max, Just Eric, Just Noah
VISITORS: K.O. (Boise Larrikins) Too Drunk (Boise Larrikins)
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Just John, Just Brett, The Porcelain God, The Great Lochness Cockster, 2 Tickets Too A Pair a Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Moan On Trail,
VIRGINS= 5
VISTORS= 2
TOTAL HASHERS= 17

Well the CHICAGO HASH JV #1 took place on Saturday and my thoughts were we would be lucky to get 10 hashers to show up, but we got 17 people out on the first hash and I was surprised. R-TARD-E was drinking at NOON good R-TARD. WRAPPER SNATCHER gave me a big kiss for promoting this idea because she can�t hash on Monday nights and has no car to get out to other hashers. This was the sentiment of 4 other Chicago Hashers one that was present and 3 that were not but said they will show up for the JV hash #2 if they can. This was the main reason to start this hash going but two other reasons presented themselves today as well. We had two great visitors from the BOISE LARRIKINS hash who would have gone without hashing today if it wasn�t for this hash; something I completely forgot about was the possibility of more visitors showing up? Boy am I a dumb ass or what? Don�t answer that!!! The other reason was to allow more virgins to make hash and they did and they loved it!!
The Hash started at 1 pm and even that didn�t seem to screw anyone up people made it on time and 2 TICKETS TOO A PAIR A THIGHS and THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER even arrived at their usual time, 5-minutes late. Our new virgins got in the spirit of things and JUST MARTIN, JUST MAX, and JUST ERIC were doing te-kill-me shots before they ran I set a live trail through the beautiful architecture of Lincoln Park/Lakeview neighborhoods. I ran through alleyways and alleys and even cut right by the CHICKEN house, which confused many hashers who thought the beer stop would be there. The trail ended at the OLD PARTY CENTRAL where our lovely hostess MOAN ON TRAIL waited for us with semi-cold TECATE. The pack came in with the THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER as our FRB and ROTTEN WHORE was our FBI. We waited for the rest to show up but TOO DRUNK was having a calf problem. I didn�t set trail to the farm of the LINCOLN PARK ZOO so I had no idea what he was talking about.
The pack made it back to the Union where we took over the bar from two patrons and when we sang our songs with verve and gusto they decided to leave the beer garden to the hashers. ROTTEN WHORE was given a down-down for using three lines to mark true trial, which confused our visitors because three lines in Boise is a false trail. We sang songs for our virgins and we called out JUST JOHN and WRAPPER SNATCHER for no hash attire. THE RA-CHICKEN was given a down-down for great weather and shitty trail. ITS TOO SOFT couldn�t even sing the song he picked for the RA correctly and was punished. MOAN ON TRAIL showed up in her familiar plaid blue hat and drank RED BULL and VODKA, hmmm good!!! The PORCELAIN GOD was being too frisky with the SNATCHER and was called out as well. The Circle lasted about 30 minutes and we enjoyed $6 pitchers of Bud Light and $10 pitchers of Guinness and then we sang Swing Low. After we did close circle we got arounf to naming JUST BRETT. Names
like big feet, little dick and other red headed names flew but JUST BRETT is now SNATCHSQUATCH. The CUBS-SOX game was on and about half-hour after we closed circle the heavy deluge came so no one else can claim they ran this hash because all the marks are now gone. JV # 2 should take place on JULY 26, 2008 and we might tie it into the LINCOLN STREET FESTIVAL. Maybe run at 1 pm and then go see a great band play?

CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1550

Nellie Darling, You Suck!
By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
Hashed 16+7=23 June 2008, 7PM
Party Central Skydeck

CHICAGO #1550 – It took the hashers a little while to get use to the camera, after all you never know when you are going to show up on COPS! According to CHICKEN STIFFER the camera was just there for some sort of Comcast Sports show (Runner’s Ultimate Network), although it is my personal belief that they were anthropologists, sort of like Jane Goodall. After some prodding, people began to open up and talk to the camera like BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED.
There were quite a few people that hadn’t been around lately that finally showed up after apparently learning how to use the internet once again. CUM IN MY ASSFAULT had been missing since Easter as well as JUST NORA, showing up for her second time (hopefully she understands that she is not going to get fed at every hash). ONE HANDED TYPIST and HOOKED ON TONICS also made an appearance to prove to the rest of the hash that they have not died or moved to Kathmandu. While those mentioned came fashionably late, others just came fashionable. Many had on their 30 Years of Hashing shirts from the weekend to include THE ENEMA CANAL, BLOODY THIGHS, PRINCESS LABIA, and JUST BRETT. JUST EMILY had the most interesting shirt of all with the words “Sludge Muffins” on it.
After some brief pre-intoxication the hashers were finally herded down to the alley behind Party Central so there could be discussions of marks. VIRTUALLY HUNG had already departed by that time and left the Chalk Talk to CHICKEN as the Brown Line roared past to drown out our introductions. With CHICKEN having no idea which way VIRTUAL went to, our Chalk Talk turned into our first Check. CROP DUSTER and MOLDY MAN SAC went north to look for trail while ENEMA decided to head south to look for trail only to stop dead in their tracks and head back. SUPER STUFF’HER, CUMS ON I LEAN, R-TARD-E, and JUST I LEAN slowly brought up the rear as they took turn wearing the manly doggie backpack and walking Beulah the non-drinking dog.
But what we all really care about is what happened afterwards under the guidance of CALVIN KLEIN and ENEMA. Due to all the virgins that had arrived, it became necessary to show them how to do a proper down-down, so we called out MORE TAIL and another hasher (who will remain nameless because he lost his Trial by Down-Down) to show the Virgins how to empty their vessels. You would think that people would learn not to wear new shoes but JUST ED noticed that ANAL ASSAULT had picked up a bright new pair of Asics. To thank him for his keen sense of sight we had him drink from the left as she drank from the right (now that’s teamwork). With all the hashers there it wasn’t unusual for there to be a lot of side conversations and we called out a few for being disruptive. It came to the RA’s notice that W’ALL BANGHER couldn’t keep quiet while HORN-E was reading a letter to the kennel so she was asked to keep quiet by Down-Down. Of course nobody learns so we also had to pull in ROTTEN WHORE for the same reason (surprise, surprise!) and then JUST BRETT who apparently defeated our arm-straightening pipe (the guy is just too big).
UPLOADER also received the fabled 10th run whistle so now he can tell the rest of us where true trail is. Finally, we had a very interesting take on Nellie Darling as we returned her book which was lost last week and chanted “You Suck” in between every line. So set your TIVOs to record on the 5th of July because that’s all the info you’re getting from me.
HARES (4): Chicken Stiffer, Virtually Hung, Calvin Klein, It’s Too Soft
VIRGINS (7): Just Brad, Just Ira, Just Leah, Just Ines, Just Kelly, Just Adam, Just Cari,
VISITORS (2): Hot Lips (Grand Rapids), Fuck Me til I Turn Brown (Boston),
HASHERS (52): Anal Assault, The Enema Canal, Just Brett, Just Amanda, Just I Lean, Risky Business, Cumma Slutra, Cums On I Lean, Batteries Not Included, R-Tard-E, Crop Duster, Salty Gash, Sit-n-Pee (Just Ed), Just Allie, One Handed Typist, Just Jenn, Just Eva, Moldy Man Sac, 867-5309, More Tail, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Barry-o-man Loan, Just Bill, Dr. Poolittle, Bloody Thighs, Horn-E, Just Nora, Super Stuf’Her, Mouthful of Meat, Just Nettie, International Virgin, Princess Labia, W’all Bangher, Porcelain God, 2 Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, Stupidman (Kenosha Sucks), Cum in My Assfault, Just Emily, Sir Poops A Lot, Moan On Trail, Hooked on Tonics, Just John, Just Shari, Just Emily, Mount Schwiiinga, Carpet Shagger, Just Allison, Uploader
CUBS – 3
W. SOX – 0
TOTAL HASHERS – 65
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Odor Eater cries everytime he watches “Little Women.”
_____

CH3 #1550

Hare(s): Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Fuji & Virtually Hung
Venue: The Party Central Skydeck – 933 W Wolfram, Rooftop (just NE of the Diversey Brown Line stop)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 as we re-invest our savings from buying bushels of fresh tomatoes which for some odd reason are unusually cheap at the local market. Normal hash cash of eight bucks includes catered food and at least one keg on the Skydeck!!!!
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers will be celebrating our 30th Anniversary with Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Fuji and Virtually Hung takeing the pack on a scenic romp through the Lincoln Park “Green Zone”. This one’s at our doorsteps!
Join the Chicago Hash House Harriers as we celebrate THE Chicago Hash House Harriers’ 30th Anniversary this year with the CH3’s special 30th Anniversary Hash.!!
To help celebrate this great milestone we will be providing FOOD catered in and have a keg on the Skydeck too so you know we’re not gonna run out of beer. Don’t forget to call in sick from work on Tuesday! As a bonus we’re even gonna throw in a couple bushels of fresh tomatoes which for some strange reason were unusually cheap at the market this week…
ALL FOR ONLY $8 USUAL HASH CASH!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to the recently re-opened Diversey stop (woo-hoo!!!), hoof it 1/2 block North up Sheffield and right (East) into the alley before Wolfram. Cross under the L tracks and into the first driveway to your left after the big fenced parking lot next to the tracks. Go up the back porch stairs to the Skydeck.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square. Hoof it a couplea blocks North to Diversey and take the Diversey #76 bus East to Sheffield.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Diversey & Sheffield. Side streets are resident zone permit after 6pm so best bet is Sheffield South of Diversey or Diversey West of Sheffield. Many meters in this ’hood are 9pm or Sunday check your meter before parking your precious sled.
______
From the Chicken:
Also the Comcast Sports Net running program that visited us On Monday and interviewed hashers and taped our run will air on JULY 5, 2008 at 5 pm before the SOX game. MAYBE someone will become famous.
http://runnersultimatenet.com/
Nice job everyone helping out for the CHICAGO HASH’s 30th Celebration. CALVIN and VIRTUAL laid a great trail. ONE HANDED TYPIST for the awesome beer stop. JUST I LEAN and CUMS on I LEAN for cooking. BATTERIES AND JUST AMANDA for beer wenching. IT was just a plus to have the TV CAMERA CREW around the whole night and hopefully we will see some new hashers join from the TV coverage. MOUTHFUL of MEAT for hare raising and finally ITS TOO SOFT for the use of the deck. Glad to see we had such a great turn out and DON”T FORGET we hash SATURADY and MONDAY this week.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
______

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1549

Laying Trail Sucks. Literally.

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
Hashed 16 June 2008, 7PM
Lottie’s (Dottie, We Likes to Party)

CHICAGO #1549 – Just ask GIDDY UP. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything she’s ever experienced, she discovers that her co-hare, VIRTUALLY HUNG, is a vampire. And Surprise! Now she’s one too. For some hares, the whole running-and-drinking thing would have been a deal breaker. But VIRTUAL and GIDDY UP are hashers, and they vow to work through their Checks.

But word has it that the hare who initially laid trail wasn’t supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, VIRTUAL’s erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a red-haired Austin call girl named (duh) BRRR! And that really sucks.

If you recently picked up the literary gem “You Suck” by Christopher Moore, not only did you have an instant savings of $3.49 from Borders but THE ENEMA CANAL now has your book for safe keeping since the staff at 1925 W. Cortland will watch your bags but they are not keeping a library.

With the weather getting warmer one has to wonder if Hashers actually have some legal form of employment because the number of hashers showing up for Monday night is getting to the point where we are taking over the bars. “Now seating party of 40!” There are always your familiar faces like CUMS ON I LEAN, HORN-E, and JUST I LEAN. And there are the less than frequent like INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN, UP LOADER, MOLDY MAN SAC and JUST AMANDA. But now we are getting people we ran out of town like PRICK OF THE LITTER who lives down in Nashville town. It doesn’t matter as long as everyone pays their Hash Cash and makes an attempt to get lost (which is why you pay first.)

We also had a high number of virgins, 7 total (Mohammed has 4 and 20 virgins [with comments like this I’m going on the naughty list like Salman Rushdie]). JUSTs RENI, MANDY, MARTHA, EVA, ANDREA, EMILY, and JENNA for one reason or another showed up with probably not the slightest idea of what was to happen. Of course they should be okay as VIRTUAL’s explanation of Hash Marks is always easy to understand. I still believe that DR. FUCKS A LOT from Buffalo (He didn’t go to 4 years of fucking medical school to be called “mister”) was still confused how we did things here. We introduced ourselves to the virgins while TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS tried to blend in with them. And then we dispersed like a flash mob hopped up on caffeine.

The day that JUST JOHN was introduced to hashing, the FRBs must have taught him all the wrong things ass he was passing up THE PORCELAIN GOD and CROP DUSTER on the trail. Meanwhile JUST AMY was busy chatting about awesome yoga stretches with her virgin. W’ALL BANGHER was looking very determined to be one of the front runners as she was prepared with her blue knee pads. As for CHICKEN STIFFER and HORN-E, if past experiences serve me well, they were probably far off trail hoping to find a short cut.

The hares, whom still suck, were particularly mean today as they circle jerked and zig-zagged the trail back and forth. LIFA enjoys these trails while R-TARD-E is just trying to be the DFL, again and again and again. Which brings us to our non-descript beer stop which at least one hasher almost ran right by. ENEMA played a cruel joke on HORN-E by handing him an empty beer (acceptable hash behavior) to which HORN-E replied by opening his slightly shaken beer into ENEMA’s ear (also acceptable). CUMS ON I LEAN somehow beat all the other bimbos and was actually the FBI to the beer stop which means that all the others should be ashamed on themselves to losing to a “Walker” (Not that this is competitive by any means.)

So let’s fast forward to the On-In. Multiple hashers decided to harass our waitress with food orders thereby preventing the free flow of beer, shame on all of you involved especially JUST ALEXIS who should feed her tapeworm before she leaves the house. Amazingly a lot of NRB showed up to include MOUNT SCHWIINGA, TOO MUCH HEAD, WRAPPER SNATCHER, SALTY GASH, JUST CLAIRE, and I LIKE DICK (who oddly enough was behaving). BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CUMS ON I LEAN were of immense help keeping vessels wet with the good stuff as the very noisy circle was going on, exhausting the Apprentice RAs repertoire of songs. Speaking of songs, we all learned it is hard to say “THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER has two but very small” fast enough to get to the next line.

HARES (2.5): Giddy Up, Virtually Hung, Giddy Up’s Driver
VIRGINS (7): Just Reni, Just Emily, Just Mandy, Just Martha, Just Eva, Just Andrea, Just Jenna
VISITORS (3): Dr. Fucks a Lot (Buffalo), Prick of the Litter (Nashville), BRRR (Austin)
HASHERS [with almost half being NRBs] (39): Two Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lockness Cockster, Its Too Soft, Chicken Stiffer, Horn-E, 867-5309, Too Much Head, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porecelain God, Sit-n-pee? (Just Ed), The Enema Canal, UpLoader, Salty Gash, EZ on the Ass, Likes it on the Bottom, R-Tard-E, W’all Bangher, Batteries not Included, Cums on I Lean, Just I Lean, Mouthful of Meat, Just Alexis, Just Claire, Just Nettie, Mount Schwiiinga, Just John, More Tail, Moldy Man Sac, I Like Dick, Just Amy, Mudsucker, Sir Poops a Lot, International Virgin, Crop Duster, Risky Business, Just Brett, Just Amanda, and Lifa
TOTAL: 52 Peeps
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Hashers are placed in alphabetical order by favorite movie.
Favorite movie of Two Tickets is: Annie
Favorite movie of Lifa is: Waterworld