Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1551

Enema Canal

Chicago Cum-Times

Hashed Last Day of June 2008, 7PM
Piano Man

CHICAGO #1551 � So what happens exactly a week after the Cubbies sweep the Sox at Wrigley? Payback! The Sox clean up at the Cell placing the two teams at a dead tie. Well, for those who haven�t purchased riot gear for the potential White Sox-Cubbies World Series, you should probably plan on camping out at ODOR EATER�s or EZ ON THE ASS�s during that time. THE ENEMA CANAL and JUST JULIA are pretty much screwed since they live in that borderland between the 35th and Addison Red Line Stops way outside of the �Green Zone.�

But enough apocalyptics, the hash found itself in the fairly quiet and somber Piano Man where the residents of Wrigleyville (Are they called Wrigleys? You know like the Whos from Whoville?) were definitely not celebrating. Being that this was a BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CALVIN KLEIN trail we were all expecting a long trail full of heartbreak. Some hashers such as HOOSIER DADDY and CROP DUSTER remember the Beer Near followed by a Beer Very Near followed by a Beer Very Very Near from the last trail those two hares laid.

CALVIN, ever the considerate one, brought out the virgins JUST KAWIKA and JUST MATT closer to the Chalk Talk so that they would be guaranteed to be lost later in the trail. We also had a visit from PROSTATE PIRATE AAARRGH! who was in town for a confAAARRRence. We also had a dog, CHEESE, who is part of the HAPPY ASS GRABBER family. And as soon as CALVIN got tired of explaining marks we were all off to find the trail.

BAGSQUEEZER and JUST JOHN set off ahead of everyone else while the virgins were warned that following ENEMA, ROTTEN WHORE, or HORN-E could result in being lost for quite a while as those three are terrible SCBs(Short Cutting Bastards). After a couple of checks we were soon joined by THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER and TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS. When we finally arrived at the Beer Stop, ww met up with ONE HANDED TYPIST who was lounging about waiting for SUPER STUF�HER to arrive so they could feed the bottomless pits of their stomachs. As we began to become refreshed in the oh so hot sandwich shop. Apparently the heat was too much for some as IT�S TOO SOFT felt it necessary to take the Clark 22 bus back to Piano Man.

So CALVIN and ENEMA held circle as chefs JUST I LEAN and CUMS ON I LEAN tended to grilling dogs. So what happened other than ROTTEN WHORE never leaving the virgins alone? Well apparently ODOR EATER mistook ROTTEN WHORE for LOWER WACKOFF which is just plain odd. Oh yes, I almost forgot, we celebrated the loss of the Cubs with song and merriment. We also had to call out MAGENTIC MUFF and SIR POOPS A LOT for not calling out other people. So who wanted to win the hash this time? Well it was JUST BILL with his triathlon shirt who had this overpowering urge to get back first. CROP DUSTER on the other hand distracted JUST JULIA and led her into the bar ensuring that she would be the FBI(First Bimbo In), just edging out TWO TICKETS. Of course that meant the DFL(Dead Fucking Last) was R-TARD-E that was until MUDSUCKER showed up later only to be later followed by MOUNT SCHWIIINGA.

HARES (2): Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
VIRGINS (4): Just Matt, Just Kawika, Just Jeff, Just Zack
VISITORS (1): Prostate Pirate Aaarrgh! (Charleston, South Carolina) 
HASHERS (33): Bagsqueezer, Smelly Concha, The Enema Canal, Snatchsquatch, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Crop Duster, Salty Gash, Sit-n-Pee, One Handed Typist, Magnetic Muff, Just Bill, Just Sarah, Just Julia, Just Kelly, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Barry O�Manilow, Horn-E, Happy Ass Grabber, Super Stuf�Her, Mouthful of Meat, 2 Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, Sir Poops A Lot, Hooked on Tonics, Just John, It�s Too Soft, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Benafuckedher
WALKER (3): EZ on the Ass, Mudsucker, Mount Schwiiinga
DOG (1): Cheese (Why do we keep getting dogs? And who pays for them?)

CUBS � 0
W. SOX � 3

TOTAL HASHERS � 43 including 5 Walk-ins (2 of them being Virgins)

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Mount Schwiiinga was voted MVP of her kickball team.