Chicago Hash House Harriers

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Feb. 1st, 4089 the year of the OX @ Paulie’s 18th and Union
Chicago Hash #1583

HARES: Virtual Hung, Ballsalotpus, Assfault, Just Do Me Slowly
VIRGINS: Just Haley
VISITORS: Its too Soft- Waukesha hash
HASHERS: Bloody Asshole, Ball cock Dumper, R-Tard-E, Back Door Out Switch, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Cuma Slutra, Mount Schwiiinga, Poultry F*cker, Chicken Stiffer, Just jana, Just Kelly, Crop Duster, Lifa, Bloody Thighs, Salty Gash, Just Genesis, Mouthful of Meat, Motor Whor-a, 69-cent Man, Just Sara, Asscapades, Just Rachel, Just Melinda, Interantional Virgin, Glory Hole, Virgin Banger, Anal Assault, W’ All Bangher, Mudsucker, Horn-e, Snatchsquatch, Ginger Snatch, Just Amy,

TOTAL HASHERS – 40

It was a great 30-degree day to run and our hares gave us a nice trail. VIRTUALLY HUNG just game of knee surgery on Friday so he was not up to his usual long trail. Hopefully his knees will be back to normal soon and were not damaged by his down down he did on his knees. Our other hares for today were the usual crowd of BALLSALOTPUS, ASSFAULT, and JUST DO ME SLOWLY. Beer, presents, food, and a great trail for $8 who can complain about that hash cash amount now!!!

Some hashers were late for the hash having played kickball in the morning. ITS TOO SOFT, BLOODY ASSHOLE, SALTY?, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, and others were getting their exercise early then normal today. Eventually they made it and we circled up outside. The trail ran south and I had picked correctly while others like Horn-e had chosen the false trail to the east. I was running with ASSCAPADES and CROP DUSTER until we came to the first check and here the trail wound through some dilapidated buildings and broken gl (ass) was everywhere. Maybe it was left over when Magnetic Muff kicked Ez on the ASS’s ass from the TH3 hash? I believe at this point LIFA was leading us across one of the many branches of the Chicago River; he was closely followed by MOUTHFUL of MEAT, ANAL ASSAULT, JUST KELLY and others. We got to another check on Cermack. Here CROP DUSTER and I choose correctly again and we ran south next to a train line and under a viaduct. 69-cent Man was sure the trail would hit the parade route but he was lost and disappointed because it did not.

CROP DUSTER at the next check guessed correctly and was rewarded with true trial going north after we ran between some buildings. Eventually we came back out on to Cermack and crossed over by a Walgreen’s. Our FRB today was LIFA and GLORY HOLE. There was a Chinese Lincoln town car waiting for us at the beer stop handing out rolling rock and chiang tau beer?

It started to get a little cold so VIRGIN BANGER, POULTRY, GINGER SNATCH, others and I high ox-tailed it back to the bar. BALLSALOTPUS worked it out for us to have a keg in the bar and that worked great seems like the keg lasted until 6:30 pm tonight. LIFA got the circle going and called in our FRB’s and DFL’s. We said hi to our new virgin JUST HALEY from Wicker Park I believe. SALTY GASH drank fro being a reboot from POP oh my and she even got her 30th anniversary hash tag!! We got the circle over with and then proceeded to hand out prizes for the waffle. FUJI was snapping pictures and got a good shot of IV, Motor whora, ASSCAPADE, and SNATCHSQUATCH in their pointy hats. The dinner gong was hit and the hash inhaled the fried rice and egg rolls. The hash was now watered and rested ready to watch the SUPER BOWL. See you next week when ANAL ASSAULT comes back to lay a trail for us out of the MURPHY’s BLEACHERS.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Jan. 18, 2009 @ 6530 s. University
Chicago Hash #1581

HARES: Lifa and Stab’em and Slab’em
VIRGINS: Just Emily
VISITORS:

HASHERS: It’s Too Soft, Horn-e, Crop Duster, Just Jana, Bloody Thighs, Bloody Asshole. Erin Go Buff, Hoosier Daddy, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Cumma Slutra Back Door Out Switch, Asscapade, Smell This, Glory Hole, Odor Eater, Bloody Thighs, Sister hasher, Stupidman, I’m late Again, Happy Assgrabber, Princess Labia, Enema Canal, Snatchsquatch, Mudsucker, Too Much Head, Are they Real, Speckie, Squeeze These, Sphincter Grease, Chicken Stiffer

TOTAL HASHERS – 31

This hash was billed, as the retirement hash for STUPIDMAN and it was. 31 hashers came together this past Sunday to honor a man, a very stupid man!! LIFA and STAB’em and SLAB’em were our hosts and hares today they prepared a fine trail with venison brats and beer for us at the on in. The hounds were particular grateful to see a keg tapped before the hash started, take notes here Mr. ITS TOO SOFT, keg before a hash nice idea so hounds can get a beer. LIFA gave us our directions but with very little flour left in his bag the marks were confusing to JUST EMILY our virgin so we told her to follow HORN-E, seriously we told her to follow the pack. After the chalk talk we gave our introductions but one teacher, BLOODY THIGHS couldn’t wait her turn and spoke over THE ENEMA CANAL. I know he has been gone but can’t you give the guy a break Ms. THIGHS and allow him to tell us who he is so we can remember? After this little incident LIFA pointed us north and the pack was off. HORN-E was in front for the first ¼ mile because he pre-scouted trail and he was not even a hare tsk-tsk. CROP DUSTER, HAPPY ASS GRABBER and I ran thru an elementary school playground and were on on the far side of the school. Trail from here went east towards an over pass for the train. BLOODY ASSHOLE and HAPPY soon found trail leading to the SW but that turned out to be a false trail and our good friend CROP DUSTER fell face first into the F. BLOODY ASSHOLE and I again picked up trail behind a convenience store and found it still running east towards Jackson Park. The pack crossed BLUE ISLAND road and found itself at a check near the CHICAGO WORLDS FAIR STATUE. BLOODY ASSHOLE and HORN-E found trail going east put that was a false trail. CUMMA SLUTRA and I found the rue trail crossing over a bridge onto the Japanese Gardens Islands designed by Burnham for the worlds fair. The check seemed to get most of the pack caught up or some short cut trail like WRAPPER SNATCHER and PORCELAIN GOD. HAPPY with TURBO dog were back at the front of the pack with ERIN GO BUFF, BLOODY ASSHOLE, SMELL THIS, ASSCAPADES and I. We ran through the University of Chicago campus and I was disappointed that we didn’t try to run by the Obama house. It would have been interesting to see what the police would have done to LIFA when he put down a mysterious orange powder in front of his house? At this point BLOODY ASSHOLE was shirtless and we didn’t need to see anymore skin so after a long straight away BO, STUPIDMAN, LIFA, STAB’em, and others meet us on a pond for a quick beer stop. We waited for fellow hashers and soon CROP DUSTER, HOOSIER DADDY, CUMMA SLUTRA joined us and then finally HORN-E crawled in.

It was rather chilly so many like SMELL THIS and I started to meander back to the on-in before the pack all got to the beer stop and we caught PRINCESS LABIA, BLOODY THIGHS, and TOO MUCH HEAD bagging the beer stop to get back in the warmth of the house but can you blame them? We got back to the house and had a few beers before we circled up in the spacious basement of STAB’EM. Seriously, the ceilings were so tall that MOUTHFUL of MEAT could have touched the ceiling with her hand!! This proved to be a huge obstacle for the GM/RA for the day luckily there was a track of higher ceiling I could walk back and forth thru while conducting the circle being careful not to crack my head open. MUCH thanks goes out to ERIN GO BUFF and HAPPY for refilling numerous pitchers of beer while the rest of the pack enjoyed the circle. Our FRB today was CROP DUSTER and HAPPY and DFL was JUST JANA. CROP DUSTER fell down and went boom on trail so he got a down down. STUPIDMAN on this day was serenaded by LIFA to the tune of RULE BRITIANA, congrats my man enjoy the retirement you earned it!!! ODOR EATER was the quintessential non-running wussy, and TOO MUCH HEAD was the hare by proxy for most of the night. Due to the shittyness of the trail she drank a lot for STAB’em today. Our late arrivers were SPECKIE, SQUEEZE THESE, IT’S TOO SOFT, and ARE THE REAL, who consequently was immediately thrown back out of the house to find more beer for us which she did!!! After a despicable circle we did some religion and retired to the upstairs for brats and beers!! CHEERS

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Jan. 11, 2009 @ Murphy’s Bleacher Bar
Chicago Hash #1580
HARES: Snathcsquatch and Asscapade
VIRGINS: Just Courtney, Just Eric, Just Dustin
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Lifa, Calvin Klein, It’s Too Soft. R-Tard-E, Horn-e, Milk My Yak, Mouthful of Meat, Crop Duster, Just Jana. Just Becky, Ginger Snatch, Assfault, Just Kelli, Just Claire, Just Jeff, Just Amy, Bloody Thighs, Bloody Asshole. Just Sara, Ez on the Ass, Erin Go Buff, Mount Me Puh’lzee, Hoosier Daddy,

TOTAL HASHERS – 29

The quote of the day came from SNATCHSQUATCH. “Where did all these people come from?” I don’t know middle of January with snow all over you would think low turnout but when you pick a bar easy to get to and a nice sunny day you can get surprised by the turnout like today. The hash saw 29 hashers come out in support of the hares ASSCAPADES and SNATCHSQUATCH.

The trail was fun and long and after a chalk talk in the parking lot across the street the pack was off east with HORN-E and LIFA leading he pack to the first split. Trail went north and came to a funny looking mark at the next corner. The mark, a check, had been shoveled to the curb so we couldn’t tell what type of mark it was so we did cheat it like a check and trail was found by CHICKEN STIFFER running underneath the red line north. R-TARD-E was hot on his heels and soon we came upon another messed up mark that the pack eventually figured out went back east, until it came to a check down on Broadway, but not before the CPD asked the GM if EZ ON THE ASS was on a suicide run because he kept jumping in front of cars. JUST DUSTIN and JUST COURTNEY, two virgins, found themselves in the front of the pack finding true trail going back north.

The two virgins lead us down Irving Park towards the lake and finally past the next check onto the lakefront where the pack ran thru 6-inches of powdery snow past the golf course. CALVIN KLEIN I think found trail running thru the woods southwest until it cut back west under Lake Shore Drive at an Addison to our next check. Here trail again got confusing due to some overzealous shoveling by Chicagoans that erased some more marks. MOUTHFUL of MEAT and MOUNT ME seemed to take over the FRB role here from the two virgins, and we all were soon at the beer stop in the backyard of ASSCAPADES house. BLOODY ASSHOLE cooled off from his run by diving in the snow and making a snow angel. We all had a quick beer and then ran back to the bar where JUST BECKY and ITS TOO SOFT were waiting for us.

CALVIN got the circle going and we welcomed our virgins, Just Courtney, Just Eric, Just Dustin, to the hash hopefully they will return soon. Our FRB’s were the trio of CROP DUSTER, LIFA, and CHICKEN STIFFER. Our DFL I am sorry I missed because I was getting more beer for us. MILK MY YAK and MOUNT ME drank numerous times for side conversations and ERIN GO BUFF and BLOODY ASSHOLE drank for some lost property and ERIN GO BUFF got his 10-run lanyard nice going!!! The circle went on and with $6 pitchers the pack drank many beers today!!! Eventually we got to our swing low and the circle was closed, but good times were had by all, see you next week at the CH3 STUPIDMAN RETIRMENT HASH on SUNDAY 1/18/09

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail

Chicago Hash #1580
Jan. 4, 2009 @ Gyros Greek Town
HARES: Erin Go Buff, Glory Hole
VIRGINS: Just Kora, Just Andrea

VISITORS:

HASHERS: Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Lifa, Calvin Klein, It’s Too Soft. R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, Snatchsquatch, Just Andy, Asscapade, Horn-e, Poultry F*****, Milk My Yak, Mouthful of Meat, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Crop Duster, Just Jana. Cumma Slutra, Just Becky

TOTAL HASHERS – 25

ERIN GO BUFF laid this trail live and live it was we gave him a 10-minute lead and it was more than enough to keep the pack off his ass. 25 HOUNDS took to the streets and sniffed out this festering plight of a trail. Trail took off through the UIC campus. CROP DUSTER and I put our bags in the car and quickly caught up to the old man of the hash HORN-E who was already across the highway. JUS I LEAN, LIFA and I found trail that went southwest through the campus and had a check on Taylor Street corner. Trail went west here and our walkers CUMS ON I LEAN, MILK MY YAK, and others plodded along. We were lead at this point by CALVIN KLEIN and POULTRY F***** who found trail running almost directly behind the house of ROTTEN and ODOR. ERIN kept laying trail west and west we went, until we got to the corner of Ashland by Rush. ASSCAPADE went south and someone blew their whistle hear bring the whole pack south on a false trail. True trail was eventually found by HORN-E going under the hospital and over the highway via Paulina. After he was sure he was on trail he just raised his horn into the air to call he was on? I don’t know why most people blow their whistles or horns to alert people maybe he was just winded and had no strength to blow. At this point the pack really split LIFA, CALVIN and I worked together finding trail running just east of the United Center and then it worked its way back east eventually running thru the police station parking lot until it got to the condo of GLORY HOLE where Hamms beer greeted us in the fridge and horn-e again mistakenly grabbed soy sauce as beer. ERIN GO BUFF had been waiting for us for over ½ hour and then we had to wait about 15 minutes for the pack to find the beer stop. Overall not a bad trail in a new land.

Eventually we made it back to the bar where CALVIN led the circle. Our FRB was LIFA with DFL being R-TARD. We said good-bye to CUMS ON I LEAN and JUST I LEAN who will be leaving this week for Spain. JUST I LEAN was the top hasher in CHICAGO this year with 50 hashes and over 10 times hashing. JUST KORA and JUST ANDREA sand us one of their rugby songs and it was god and there was much rejoicing. We had much fun today and hope to see you on SUNDAY at MURPHY BLEACHER BAR after all of the snow is down falling!!!

Jan. 8, 2009 DRINKING PRACTICE @ Lions Head Pub

WOODY WOOD WACKER, Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Buff, Mouthful of Meat, Just Pinto, Asscapade, Glory Hole, R-Tard-E, Snatchsquatch, Just Jana and Calvin Klein

11 hashers present and accounted for!!!

Well the hash showed up nicely to say hi and thanks to WOODY WOOD WACKER our resident hasher still in the army. He is based down in Alabama and had some good stories about STUPIDMAN who he ran into at a Pensacola Green Dress run. Snatchsquatch, Asscapade, and R-Tard-E drank in the $2 bottles of beer and ate their fill of wings and tacos that are free for people on Wednesday night. Woody was extremely happy to see his old friends and make some new ones thanks for the great turnout of 11 people on an announced drinking practice with less than 6 hours notice. It truly shows we are a drinking club with running problems.

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

Dec. 21, 2008 @ Hidden Shamrock

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1577

HARES: Dead Lay San Antonio Hash
VIRGINS: Just
VISITORS: Coin Operated, All The Way In WH3, Hot Lips Grand Rapids, Just Brenda, Just Scott Indyscent, 2 Fuck Canuck Big-Hump
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Batteries Not Included, Poultry F*cker, It’s Too Soft, Magnetic Muff, Crop Duster, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stufher, Calvin Klein, Asscapade,

TOTAL HASHERS 18

Our Hare today was DEAD LAY she asked to lay trail for us at the Pre-Lube, she used to live in Chicago near the Old Beaumont Bar so was familiar with the area. We gave her a five-minute head start and she was off. Today was a little cool out and she took the trail east towards the Lake. ALL THE WAY IN was FRB at this point until we crossed Broadway then JUST SCOTT took over scouting duties from him. Trail cut by the Elk lodge at the Six way corner of Diversey and Lake Shore drive. Here DEAD LAY was trying to be funny with her checks because ITS TOO SOFT found trail leading to Diversey Harbor where she laid a turkey-eagle split the Eagle split had us jumping from ice flow to ice flow in the harbor very funny. Trail swung back west using the back roads through Lincoln Park and 2 FUCK CANNUCK found trail cutting back behind the Fire station leading towards the usual beer stop point of ITS TOO SOFT. CHICKEN was tired from the night before so I let COIN OPERATED take the lead into the beer stop at the house of FUJI. We still had plenty of beer left in that Keg from the ANTHRAX HASH the day before!!! We drank plenty here with CALVIN and BATTERIES meeting us at the beer stop. CROP DUSTER looked hilarious with his ski goggles on while following trail. Thank God he already has a name otherwise we would have had some ammunition for a naming. We sat at ITS TOO SOFTs place drinking beer and talking about the fun times we all had the night before and then we ran back to the bar where there were two fireplaces to warm our cold butts. POULTRY almost singed her butt trying to warm it in the fire. We commenced circle and MOUTHFUUL OF MEAT showed up with SUPER STUFHER making his way over after putting a day’s work at Soldiers Field. We had another typical CALVIN circle and saw our visitors off in style. Many thanks go to JUST KATHY at the bar for the $6 pitchers and use of the back room. Many thanks also goes to DEAD LAY from SAN ANTONIO for laying a nice live 3-mile trail on such a cold day!!! See you next week at Brudders and stay tune for the ANTHRAX HASH TRASH.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM