Category: Tale of the Trail

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1462

10/29/06 CH3 #1462- Calvin and Batteries-�HALLOWEEN HASH

The hash started on time and in good order because the Bears were laying the smack down upon the hapless 49’ers. The Hash was in a joyous mood due to the 41-0 lead the Bears had when the hash began. The circle was conducted by an actual Hare with white pointy ears and a Hound in Batteries and Calvin. The young virgins Just Spencer and Just Jen were instructed in the fine art of mark reading by the hares and then we were off.

Mudsucker jaywalked across Broadway and almost became Mudstucker on the pavement, but Rearloader found trail and the pack was off. Chicken Stiffer lead the pack back across Broadway and ran into one of the walkers Erect the Red. The usual crew of check hangers of CP, Bloody Thighs on her high horse, and Sugar Nipples with Just Gunner waited for the FRB’s to find trail. Trail was found heading back to the lake and north towards Loyola. Arriving in the area of Loyola Just Mike was verbally abused by a student for leading from the back of the pack with the flag and carrying it at half-mast, more on that later. After running the trail thru Loyola much of the pack got split up but Mike Ditka aka EZ on the ASS could be heard screaming when the final score of the Bears game became known. Stupid-Man, I mean Stab’em and Slab’em stopped to help a pre-med student on the quad was he really that cute?? The Trail finally hit the lakefront where the pack had to climb over 10 ft pieces of concrete used as a breakwater. Bonner was seen giving Mouthful of Meat an extra boost over each obstacle that laid in front of her.

Mercifully the trail wound back west and through the Rogers Park neighborhood where Chicken Stiffer and Rearloader watched a one-man boxing match in the middle of an intersection. The CPD finally showed up to ring the bell and end the bout that was ruled TKO and an arrest. Finally the BN and B were found and the pack enjoyed candy and beer at Hamilton’s.

The ON-IN was a sight to see where the circle was served free beer by the Miller Lite girls, Leslie and Mary. Mudsucker for some reason kept asking for seconds? Lower Wackoff had changed into his cow costume that would have been perfect at the Chicago Fire hash, nice tits Wackoff. Oh and guess who finally showed up trying to share his nuts with the Miller Lite girls none other than our favorite hasher PeterBilt. Prizes were handed out and It’s Too Soft won for his tainted spinach costume, check out his photos on-line. But the big winner of the day was Mudsucker picking up free Bears tickets in the Miller Lite Section for this weeks game now if he can only find a date?? The circle ended but the hash decided to send Just Mike and Just Brenda out for a possible naming. The Hash in its infinite wisdom or stupidity magically changed Just Mike into Half-Masturbator. (See previous comments about his flag duties). Just Brenda had been deemed unworthy of naming but her day will cum. Hopefully we will see everyone next week at Paddy Mack’s

Chicken Stiffer- CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1457

The Chicago Hash 9/25/06 by Horn-E

Our hares were EZ on the Ass and Stump Humper. I’d like to say something good about this hash, but I’m just not that big of a liar. Okay, I’m kidding. Sort of. The actual course wasn’t all that bad. The marks just weren’t were Chicago Hashers would normally look for them. Like under a street light. Like on a corner. Like suddenly appearing on the other side of the street. Like somewhat consistently spaced. To often we had a split or a check and didn’t know how far to actually check before turning back. Do we go over a block one time and a hundred feet the next?

The pack wasn’t all good at acting like a pack either. Short cutting. I’m often guilty of this. But when you see a short cut, you have to take it. Ranging. I’m guilty of this. When you range out at a check, and the trail goes another way, you either back track or range towards the lead hound. Not calling out to others. This is a group endeavor. If you are on trail, call it out. When you come to a check, call it out. When someone shouts out RU, reply either Checking, On On, or Looking. Lets work like a pack like a hash should. And blowing a whistle at the third mark after a check or the first mark after a split and never actually checking if anyone actually heard your whistle is the same as not calling out at all. Lets work together so we can resolve trails that aren’t marked all that well in a more timely and organized manner.

And remember that the idea is to run as a group. The purpose of checking and splits is to regroup the pack, not split them up all over the city. One of our newer hashers said at the beer stop that this wasn’t fun. That is how we lose people. Our trails are supposed to be fun, together. I know that both hares tried to lay a good trail. But when that many fast. good hounds are scattered all over, something went wrong. Hares? Hounds?

The On On was good. Stump Humper’s mom put out a good supply of Mexican food for us and we all dug in. Then Calvin Klein led a decent circle and EZ on the Ass was almost overflowing with beer. We had a virgin in Just Kelly. And after the circle she tried to lead us in a dirty song. She sounds like a keeper.

Now everybody make plans for Chicago’s first Sunday hash of the season.

On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1451

The Chicago Hash 8/14/06 by Horn-E

We had a late announcement for this hash because of no hare. Please volunteer folks. You Got My Rod came out of nowhere and volunteered to hare from the Lake Shore Grill. We had a dozen hashers as we circled up. Our trail headed south to the river and then west to a split. Chicken Stiffer went south. Bye.

The trail went west and up to the upper lever at Michigan. We then headed through Illinois Center to a check. Meanwhile Chicken Stiffer was paying the most severe penalty that us ranging hashers face. He came out of the lower levels at Michigan Ave and headed west, way off course. He eventually found the On In marks and ended up following the trail backwards.

At our first check, Fiddle Tits found the trail heading south towards Millennium Park and a split at Randolph. She went east, I went west and I was On, across Michigan and then the marks disappeared. They were washing the sidewalks. I headed west to State with Sperm Bank. Eventually the hare arrived and helped the small lead pack back to the trail. I was off around a construction site and I eventually got back on trail and caught the pack at Madison and Clark at a check. Magnetic Muff was standing around checking out the local traffic. I followed Lower Wackoff west and eventually I saw Boner Malfunction ahead. Where did he come from? The last time I saw him he was a block off course at the first check. Sneaky bastard. We came to a check at Wacker and Washington. I went south and stumbled onto marks coming from the west. I tried to signal the pack, but they were out of site. So I followed the marks to the Franklin St. Bridge, over the river and into the lower levels. Suddenly Chicken Stiffer was there. We ran a few more blocks and suddenly Its Too Soft was running with Chicken Stiffer. They followed the trail while I kept trying to parallel them and eventually I found marks, lost marks and struggled on in. A short time later others started to arrive in little groups. Actually a good trail, that got screwed up a few times.

Eventually Chicken Stiffer led us in a short circle. This was good, because the beer price was higher then normal. Good beer. Good view and our last time at this location. Damn construction.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1446

Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 7/10/06 by Horn-E

We hashed out of the American Legion hall in Evanston. The entrance wasn’t all that obvious, but I found it. The second group to arrive couldn’t find it and waited in a car. But we all soon gathered within and met two new virgins, Just Christy and Just Katy.

The Ass family finally arrived. Four hares. Yes, with a shortage of hares, we had four on one trail. But the Ass family wanted to get together for a joint haring experience. We finally circled up just as our Mom of the year, Coffee Tea Or Me and Mount Me Puh’leeze arrived. The trail headed under the tracks and to a high wall. High enough that this old fart had to try twice to get up it. I then got away with some outrageous chivalry while helping Just Katy up. We then headed west down Central to Dyche Stadium. As we headed north on the east side of the stadium, The head Chicken, Chicken Stiffer almost broke a drumstick as he crashed on his knee. Was he hurt bad? I don’t know, but less then a mile later he was back in front.

At the second check, I found the trail and I led for a while heading further north and then east. I hit a split and picked wrong. That is where Chicken Stiffer passed me. I ranged east and finally ran through the golf course where I again picked up on trail as I saw Calvin Klein crossing the golf course. We came to another check near Sheridan Rd. The trail went south toward Bahai Temple. Cool. We were going to run through their new gardens and around the temple. Wrong.

We just kept going south, block after block. We finally headed east toward the lake. One of the hares, Cum In My Ass Fault was just ahead taking pictures. Imagine that. Someone actually taking pictures on trail instead of the usual group shots or shots of someone with a glass in their face. We need more of these types. I digress.

The trail came back to Sheridan Rd and we ran south toward Northwestern. We finally had a split towards the lake. We wandered around a bit as the FRBs kept heading south and NOT CALLING ON ON. We finally headed south again. We came to another split. This time the trail finally headed towards the lake. A tiny park and then through someone’s back yard to a check. There were marks towards the lake. I headed that way, looking, hoping and anticipating a beer stop. Perfect. Sand dunes surrounded by tall grasses and a view of the lake. False Trail. Damn.

By the time I reemerged at the check, all were gone. I found trail and eventually saw Canned Pussy, and then a bunch of bimbos ahead. I eventually started to catch the pack just before the beer stop, under a bridge. Here I found Pied Piper from the Gypsy Hash in San Francisco. He arrived before the hash, also couldn’t find the entrance, thought we already left and ran the trail by himself. From here it was a short walk back to the American Legion.

No pitchers, but cheap (?) I think, cans of beer. We held a circle led by Calvin Klein and Stump Humper. We introduced our two new virgins, Just Christy, who did a decent job of keeping up with the pack. I made her cum and I was doing my usual ranging on trail. So I constantly found myself trying to catch up so my own virgin wouldn’t beat me to the beer stop. Just Katy was more of a runner and she was often near the front of the pack. Well done to both and welcome to the Chicago Hash and hashing. Backed Up Pipes finally arrived in the tightest tights I have ever seen on a guy. They were so tight, we could tell what religion he was. Was he going to get razzed for these, and get a down down? Read several. Later he swapped tops with Just Katy. She is probably still trying to get all of the hairs out. A good time, but the hash cash ran out quickly and we were soon off.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1443

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1443

Monday’s Hash was a blast! Chicken Stiffer complained that he didnt have any time to set a trail, but it was a great trail with an awesome beer stop! We started off with a good pack of 17 and headed out and about in the Lincoln Park Neighborhood. There were a few tricky checks from hell and a lit of new scenery that we havent covered in the past.

We zipped through a couple new subdivisions and twisted though the usual hood too. At one point the visitor from Sin City and myself ended up getting cut off from the pack while checking out a long false check and then decided to range down a really long block. At first, I thought we were screwed, but eventually sniffed out trail under the “L” tracks and ended back up in front.

The FRB of the pack changed hands often with this maze of checks and splits. EZ on the Ass, Rear Loader and Clavin Klein were all swapping out the position while Horn-E ranged to the point we lost him at the check just before the Beer Stop in front of the US Beer Comany. Stump Humper and Rhotan sniffed that one out and we all headed through the A. Finkl and Sons foundry to get a lung full of Asbestos. The Beer stop was at an old dock on the far end of their office parking lot. Everyone made it except Spotted Cock and Horn-E. We had no idea where they were, but eventually Spotted showed up, after running the trail backwards from a point he ranged out the trail with Horn-E, and said Horn-E kept going to the On-In!

The Beer stop was a literal Blast….most of it coming from Chicken Stiffer’s Butt. We all headed out and sniffed out the trail which wound around until it eventually came to Armitage. It followed along the hood and right back to Beaumonts where we enjoyed cheap beer, pizza and a great circle by Calvin and Stumpy.

Great Hash people! Too bad you missed it!

RL

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1442

Monday’s Hash was a blast! Chicken Stiffer complained that he didnt have any time to set a trail, but it was a great trail with an awesome beer stop! We started off with a good pack of 17 and headed out and about in the Lincoln Park Neighborhood. There were a few tricky checks from hell and a lit of new scenery that we havent covered in the past.

We zipped through a couple new subdivisions and twisted though the usual hood too. At one point the visitor from Sin City and myself ended up getting cut off from the pack while checking out a long false check and then decided to range down a really long block. At first, I thought we were screwed, but eventually sniffed out trail under the “L” tracks and ended back up in front.

The FRB of the pack changed hands often with this maze of checks and splits. EZ on the Ass, Rear Loader and Clavin Klein were all swapping out the position while Horn-E ranged to the point we lost him at the check just before the Beer Stop in front of the US Beer Comany. Stump Humper and Rhotan sniffed that one out and we all headed through the A. Finkl and Sons foundry to get a lung full of Asbestos. The Beer stop was at an old dock on the far end of their office parking lot. Everyone made it except Spotted Cock and Horn-E. We had no idea where they were, but eventually Spotted showed up, after running the trail backwards from a point he ranged out the trail with Horn-E, and said Horn-E kept going to the On-In!

The Beer stop was a literal Blast….most of it coming from Chicken Stiffer’s Butt. We all headed out and sniffed out the trail which wound around until it eventually came to Armitage. It followed along the hood and right back to Beaumonts where we enjoyed cheap beer, pizza and a great circle by Calvin and Stumpy.

Great Hash people! Too bad you missed it!

RL

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1437

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1437

Tale of the Trail 5/8/06

The Trail was set by the CH3 RA Stump Humper. It began promptly at 7:30 pm from Joe s bar. We were joined on trail by 3 new virgins, Just Shannon, Just Justin, and Just Kerry, welcome to the hash folks and come back soon, don t let our antics scare you off. Stumpy lead the circle in a Spanish rendition of a chalk talk and then we were off. Rhotan was soon out in front, after the pack was almost decimated by the quick right turn across Foster. Thank God for all the kind Chicago drivers that let the Chicken cross the road. The Hash strong with 30 + traveled south along the Ravenswood tracks and it arrived at the first split, EZ on the ASS called left, and the pack went under the tracks. There is some wild story going around that Just Adrien has some interesting work out videos at home. What kind of workout that is we just don t know?? Again the pack found the trail by following the street light shine off of Rhotans cranium and then we were across Clark heading
towards the lake.
The trail had several splits but it seems Spotted Cock, Just Justin, and Just Jeff were up to the challenge in tracking it down. Thankfully the virgins did not follow the Horn of Horn-e otherwise they would have been lost on trail because he was never seen again. Some how out on trail Smelly Concha joined the pack even though he was not at the circle, glad to see you back. Magnetic Muff was her usually metronome self keeping those feet of hers hot on the trail of the hare. Calvin and Batteries not Included were seen checking in and then out of a nearby hotel in only two minutes, but they still had enough energy to finish the trail, ON-ON you two. The usually trio of Bloody Thighs, CP, and Just Do Me Slowly were going through their progression of talk, check hang, talk, check hang and complain that the beer stop is too far away. After a long trail we came to the beer stop found by Just Shannon, pretty sad for the pack when a virgin finds the beer first. Now if she
just had the key to open the trunk and get the beer she could have been named on the spot as Key Master .
Stump Humper finally arrived when the pack was resting on the hill by the tracks and doled out the precious juice of the Gods, beer . She also hung up a Pi ata that was whacked at by Mouthful of Meat and Asshopper. The pi ata contained some very cool looking balloons?? A hasher named Rearloader became our first NRB by walking the trail backward to the beer stop. The hash lounged around for 15 minutes on the side of the hill drinking beer in 70 degree weather, isn t this the way life is supposed to be? before they ran for the ON IN.
The ON IN saw the arrival of several other NRB s, Smell This, Sit on my Rod, Red Snapper, Peter Built, Boner, and Balls-a-lotta-Pus. The hash was treated to a feast presented by Hash Mom and Dad Mrs. Just Jessica and Mr. Just Arnie, I wish had had parents like this. The hash stuffed their collective faces with beans, salsa, chips, and of course more BEER!! The circle was started and EZ on the ASS was finally awarded his 10 run lanyard and whistle, congrats. Mouthful of Meat made the usually short story long accusation, but the circle moment came when Hand Solo tried to steal our hash flag. The flag was defended by our own Smelly Concha. Waukesha must be short of funds because they need to resort to stealing to get their own hash gear. It s to Soft arrived around 10 o clock but with no camera so is he still considered Japanese without it?? The RA s were praised for their adept control of the weather, which also brought Nuclear into the circle because when one RA
drinks all RA s drink. Overall the hash couldn t have been any better with 40 + hashers, 5 Virgins, FOOOOOOOD, 5 free pitchers, FOOOOD, great weather, shitty trail, and good circle. Next week the hash will run out of BEAUMONTS at 2020 N. Halsted see all of you there.

Chicken

Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1432

4/9/06 HASH TRASH for #1432

After a lively Mismanagement meeting about twenty-five harriers hit the trail set by Virgin Banger and Chicken Stiffer. They were joined on trail by honored guests PMS, Disco Ass, and Postage Tramp from the Big Hump Hash. We also welcomed Peacemaker from the London hash, ON ON visitors. After a quick circle that introduced two new marks to the hash called Eagle and Super Eagle the Harriers let out a collective groan, but started off on trail. Calvin true to the “FRB” that he is carried the flag to the front of the pack and was soon out of whistle range. The trail headed south away from the Lincoln Square neighborhood, and on Lincoln Ave., near the Jewel, the Pack got stymied by a tough check. 69 cent man called ON ON but soon tripped over the false that was marked heading south. Rearloader headed north but came back saying kind things about the fine trail that was laid by the hares. True trail was eventually found by Coffer, Tea or Me and Barks On All Fours even though they were handicapped with a baby buggy. From this point Milk My Yak assumed the position of FRB and took off down an alley. He was followed closely by the usually check hangers of Just Do me Slowly, Two Handed Stroke, CP, Cums in my Asphalt, and Eric the Red.

Soon the hash passed under Ravenswoods Advocate Hospital walkway and was on their way to the next major check on Damen and Montrose. Before they could get there they had to run through an apartment parking lot dodging garbage and verbal barbs thrown down by an irate Cardinal fan upset at the first two losses. At the next major check It’s Too Soft and Ballsalottapuss were found trying to catch the bus back to O’Lanagan’s but they were out of money so they offered to pay in Ass but EZ was no where to be found. On the trail went over the Metra line and back but it seemed that every split Virtually Hung took was a dead-end. The trail turned back south after going north along the tracks and Mudsucker was spotted again harassing young harrierettes on trail. Muff and Stroke rebuffed his advances and pushed on, sorry Mudsucker I call them as I see them. Finally the Hash found the beer stop at Virgin Bangers place where Pussy Galore, Mr. Cheesecake, Batteries not Included, and proprietor, Rent-a-Virgin were enjoying the sun and the beer. The irony of this whole twisted mess is that Peacemaker who walked the whole damn thing still beat the Cardinal fans into the beer stop this must be a bad omen for the redbirds this year.

The hash made it back to O’Lanagan’s where the circle was called and accusations were made. Our fine visitors from the Hump were made to drink early and often by RA, Calvin, So sorry for the SWEEP. The Circle questioned the absence of Horn-e and made Milk My Yak drink by proxy. Peacemaker serenaded us before he left for Mardi Gras in New Orleans, does he know it is already over??? Much drinking and singing were done and the hash seemed please by the end of the circle.

ON ON

CHICKEN STIFFER

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1423

Super Bowl Hash

By Rear Loader

Sunday’s hash was quite the treat…….if you enjoyed death marches with no marks. It started off quite well, we headed west over to Clark that the pack was kept together very nicely with a few splits and circle jerks. The Trail then headed south on clark and turned into the parking garage of the Century Mall. We climbed up to the third floor and went to the exit door. There was an arrow there that gave you 3 choices to choose from . Virtually Hung opted for the door that went into the mall and I followed. The rest of the pack opted for the door that went down and back into the garage. We didnt see any marks and looked kind of odd running through the mall, but Virtual was sure he made the right choice! When we exited the mall, we found a well hidden arrow that pointed across the street. Cum in my Asphalt, Virtual and I followed a couple of arrows that led to a check on Diversey. Now this is where it gor bad, from this point I never saw the pack again until we made it back to the bar. I went East, Virtual went South and Cum in my Asphalt I lost track of, but it looked like she hung out at the check.

I followed a couple arrows and found nothing so I headed back to the Check, but no one was there. I thought virtual found trail and I headed south on Clark. Again, I followed two arrows and saw nothing more. I decided to go back to the check again. I decided to head North on Broadway followed one arrow, but again found nothing and decided to range East, hoping to find something. I could not hear any whistloes or “On On’s” being called, so I gave it a shot. I ran into Virtual who said he found nothing in that direction. We figured that the true trail had to go west on Diversey and sure enough it did. I briefly saw the pack ahead of me on Diversey, they finally caught up to us from that garage mess. They turned down an alley, but Virtual was sure that the trail went straight and sure enough, it did. We followed the marks to a check back down a side street. The pack caught up and they turned around, I continued to look for a hidden mark and made my way to Diversey where I ran into Mudsucker who was bragging that he was an FRB for about five minutes. When we got back to Diversey, the pack was gone. I said screw it and ranged down a side street, parallelling the back and found some arrows. I followed those with Mudsucker and Virtually hung to a check near St. Clements. We could not find any marks after this point. I saw the pack congregate near the check, but I was running around looking for marks. I ran into Learning to Blow and we decided to range to the south where we soon found marks. The marks turned left, but i kept going straight thinking that they came out nearby, boy was I wrong.

Fom this point I never really found trail again. I ended up on Fullerton and Lake Shore Drive where I found Smelly Concha who claimes that he hasnt seen the pack for a really long time. He found a check behind the museum but lost the trail from there. He headed back to the check and I decided to hit the running path to see if there were any marks. I ran north for a while and never saw another hasher again. I got to a point near diversey and never saw any marks. I decided to go west and back to the bar where there was no one. I figured that I might be able to follow the trail backwards and run into the pack, so I headed North on Broadway and the East to teh Park. The trail headed under Lake Shore and then South and kept going and going and going. I had images of the Two Tickets / Sugar Nipples Lake Shore 10K and decided to turn around and go back to the bar where I ran into Virtually Hung and Cums in my Asphalt.

At this point they told me that the beer stop was under the bridge by Diversey Harbor…..great the one place I didnt look! In anycase, we had an expedited circle due to the kick off of the super bowl and a lot of great food put out by the bar. Overall a fun time despite the fact that I got lost!

Rear Loader

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1407

Chicago H3 Run 1407 – 10/16/2005

The final score was 28 to 3: 28 splits and 3 checks that is. Oh, there were probably a few dozen more, but after a solid 80 minutes of trail without the aid of beer, cognitive function begins to deteriorate.

About 10 hashers headed out from Rabbits on Sunday to experience what hare Rear Loader described as “not a typical Rear Loader trail.” We weren’t sure what this meant but after listening to the hare whine about how tired he was after setting the trail on just 4 hours sleep, we figured he must mean it would suck.

We started out north along Elston but the trail quickly made a sharp turn and we ended up heading west instead. We zigged and zagged back and forth for several blocks giving the walkers a chance to keep up. The first check at Robert Square Park (okay, I admit I had to look that one up) managed to spread the pack apart with false trails in several directions. Our one-and-only virgin Just ????? took the middle route through the park, but Horn-E found the way, with Chicken Stiffer and Lifa catching up as we crossed the Kennedy on the Ainslie bridge.

On Lawrence we found the “Polish” check as promised by the hare. Our Polish representative (C.S.) skipped it, using some lame excuse about finding true trail. We trampled through the greenery at Wilson Park and finally ended up at a very tough check at Central and Lawrence. The third arrow was found 1/4 mile from the check by Horn-E, who by then had slipped into a parallel universe and wasn’t seen again until the finish.

As though all of this weren’t enough torture, 3 or 4 more splits awaited us at Milwaukee & Foster with the trail crossing over itself at least once. Homeboy Org-G figured this out and helped the clueless get back on true trail. From here it would be a straight shot back in. Wrong! 8-10 more splits and lots of winding through the neighborhood added another mile or so to the trail.

The smart ones (shortcutting bastards and biatches) were already back and into their second beer by the time the DFLs arrived. While Canned Pussy exchanged notes about mobile phones and Just Do Me Slowly wondered “what is a mobile phone?,” our virgin R.A. Chicken Stiffer called the circle to order. Most of the entertainment was provided by Coffee, Tea or Me’s psychotic dog chasing after shadows in the middle of the circle. Hot pants arrived late accompanied by his bodyguard. He explained he wasn’t able to run because he was grilling his meat, and that he couldn’t stay because he was on his way to grill his brother’s meat. I don’t wanna know. Erik the Red somehow avoided receiving a down-down yet again. Just as the circle closed, the GM made her grand entrance. We figured she must’ve been hiding in the parking lot critiquing Chicken Stiffer’s performance as R.A.

Thanks to the hare for a good, long trail, the R.A. for perfect weather and the Bears for keeping the riff raff away.