Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1407

Chicago H3 Run 1407 – 10/16/2005

The final score was 28 to 3: 28 splits and 3 checks that is. Oh, there were probably a few dozen more, but after a solid 80 minutes of trail without the aid of beer, cognitive function begins to deteriorate.

About 10 hashers headed out from Rabbits on Sunday to experience what hare Rear Loader described as “not a typical Rear Loader trail.” We weren’t sure what this meant but after listening to the hare whine about how tired he was after setting the trail on just 4 hours sleep, we figured he must mean it would suck.

We started out north along Elston but the trail quickly made a sharp turn and we ended up heading west instead. We zigged and zagged back and forth for several blocks giving the walkers a chance to keep up. The first check at Robert Square Park (okay, I admit I had to look that one up) managed to spread the pack apart with false trails in several directions. Our one-and-only virgin Just ????? took the middle route through the park, but Horn-E found the way, with Chicken Stiffer and Lifa catching up as we crossed the Kennedy on the Ainslie bridge.

On Lawrence we found the “Polish” check as promised by the hare. Our Polish representative (C.S.) skipped it, using some lame excuse about finding true trail. We trampled through the greenery at Wilson Park and finally ended up at a very tough check at Central and Lawrence. The third arrow was found 1/4 mile from the check by Horn-E, who by then had slipped into a parallel universe and wasn’t seen again until the finish.

As though all of this weren’t enough torture, 3 or 4 more splits awaited us at Milwaukee & Foster with the trail crossing over itself at least once. Homeboy Org-G figured this out and helped the clueless get back on true trail. From here it would be a straight shot back in. Wrong! 8-10 more splits and lots of winding through the neighborhood added another mile or so to the trail.

The smart ones (shortcutting bastards and biatches) were already back and into their second beer by the time the DFLs arrived. While Canned Pussy exchanged notes about mobile phones and Just Do Me Slowly wondered “what is a mobile phone?,” our virgin R.A. Chicken Stiffer called the circle to order. Most of the entertainment was provided by Coffee, Tea or Me’s psychotic dog chasing after shadows in the middle of the circle. Hot pants arrived late accompanied by his bodyguard. He explained he wasn’t able to run because he was grilling his meat, and that he couldn’t stay because he was on his way to grill his brother’s meat. I don’t wanna know. Erik the Red somehow avoided receiving a down-down yet again. Just as the circle closed, the GM made her grand entrance. We figured she must’ve been hiding in the parking lot critiquing Chicken Stiffer’s performance as R.A.

Thanks to the hare for a good, long trail, the R.A. for perfect weather and the Bears for keeping the riff raff away.