Category: Tale of the Trail

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1479

Feb. 25 #1479 the Hash Ball Hangover Hash

Hare: Chicken Stiffer-CH3 GM
Virgin: Just Lindsey
Locals: Cunt & Pasties, Smell This, Boner Malfunction, Two Tickets too a Pair a Thighs, Flying Hooters, Mount Schwinga, Its too Soft, Cum in My Assfault, Horn-e, Just Do Me Slowly, Virtually Hung, and Calvin Klein

The hash started late because it was waiting for a carload of hashers arriving from Casa De SMELL THIS. He had with him BONER, TWO TIKS, and MOUNT SCHWINGA. It turns out that TWO TIKS never even made it home from hash ball and was wearing other people’s clothes to hash this day. The weather was very shitty this day we had rain, sleet, snow, etc. and the ground was covered with giant puddles of cold wet water. The Trail was short but between Casa De CHICKEN and the bar I believe the hash found every major puddle, pothole and ice patch.
The hash was very happy that the run was about a mile because most were still hung over from the previous night. Even BONER who partied in Lisle claimed to be a little tired from Saturday’s fun. BONER even brought a virgin with him this day JUST LINDSEY welcome to the hash and please show up for the Green Dress run in St. Louis March 17. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the role of FRB for the better part of the trail while CNT & PASTIES took care of our virgin making sure she didn’t get lost on trail. FLYING HOOTERS and ITS TOO SOFT were found impersonating monkeys when they climbed fences to get themselves over Amazon River found in one of the alleys the trail went through. TWO TICKETS looked like a bunny running with her pink jacket on.

The Hash made it to the beer stop and watched the beginning of the OSU vs. Wisc. Basketball game but they were soon back out on trail and at the bar. The Circle was run by the CH3 RA CALVIN KLEIN who was found without BATTERIES claiming that she was wasted from the night before. The hare got down- downs for the crappy trail but really got nailed because he was smart enough to wear his boots on Trail; I guess this made the circle mad because my feet were dry. The circle ended in record time and MOUNT SCHWINGA was soon challenging some chicks on the dartboard. The hash broke for home around 6 pm where we watched the Oscars and all went to bed with a fine weekend of drinking behind us.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1478

2/18/07 CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH TRASH for #1478

Hares: BALLSALOTAPUS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, JUST DO ME SLOWLY and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT

Virgins: JUST FAITH, JUST NICK, JUST YOUNG HI, JUST ELKE, JUST LEVI

Visitors: Sin City Hash- THE UNALICKER, Y=PI, and FLUFFER

Madison Hash- RETURN TO GENDER and FROGGY STYLE

Locals: LIFA, IT’S TOO SOFT, CHICKEN STIFFER, VIRGIN BANGER, BLUE BALLS, MUDSUCKER, CHIP-N-DALE, SOUR BALLS, ORG-E, JUST TIM, ASSPOCKET, 69-CENT MAN, FLYING HOOTERS, JUST LOU, BACK DOOR BIZZLE, ERECT DA RED, JUST ANGELLE, HORN-E, JUST PATTY, RABBIT TURD, MONKEY TURD, MAGNETIC MUFF, BONER MALFUNCTION, GOOD SWALLOW, SMELL THIS, and PUSSY GALORE

The Chinese New Year Hash was a perfect example of what hares can do if they put their minds to it. The hares need to be commended for a hash well done and for over coming the main obstacle that Tito’s, the bar, had no kegs in it. The hash started early for many because we showed up at Noon and had a few beers before we went down to see the parade. The Unalicker, Y=PI, Froggy Style, Return to Gender, Chicken Stiffer, Its too Soft, Lifa, and Fluffer went down Wentworth and found a Sunny spot on the parade route to observe the festival. Most of us even got our own coolie hats that can be seen in numerous pictures taken by the resident photog Its too Soft. The visiting women whined that they were cold and hungry so we found some egg rolls to stuff down their throats but now they whined that they had no BEER! The parade lasted about 1/2 hour and we returned to Tito’s to meet the rest of the hash and have more nectar of the gods.

The crowd began to swell much like Froggy’s head would by the end of the night and we even got two visitors/virgins, Just Elke and Just Levi to join us from Milwaukee, thanks for stopping by. The bar was decorated in red lights and Chinese ornaments but most hashers liked the sight of the big fat beer Buddha ready to greet them at the end of the run. 2:30 pm came and Virtually Hung commenced a chalk talk. His words said, “DO NOT RANGE THIS TRAIL OR YOU WILL MISS THE BEER STOP!!” remember this for later. We went around the circle with our names and soon we were off. Lifa carrying the hash flag led the pack south and then west but Soar Balls and Chip-n-Dale followed him closely. They found the first check that had us chasing our pig tails we were wearing on our asses for the year of the pig. Org-e caught more of the trail going west and we were back on-on. Soar Balls and I ranged a little and we caught the next circle jerk but the pack didn’t follow us but followed
Org-e, Just Patty and several others. I soon was lost on trail with Y=PI but can you blame me?

The pack came together just over the expressway near 20th but was thrown off by our esteemed visitor, Sergeant of Arms, The Unalicker who called on-on after two marks? Didn’t we tell her three was on and its four at her hash after a check so why the call?? We found trail again after Just Tim and Asspocket went west and found the trail paralleled the railroad tracks and went to a raised bridge. Here the marks seemed wipeout by the foot traffic from the Parade. Virtually Hung actual was laying marks, as we went which is why you should not have ranged. Good Swallow found trail going east back towards China Town and the pack hit the BN mark. Ballsalotapus greeted us with Chinese beer and water out of the back of the Lincoln, but we seemed to be missing one hasher, Where was Horn-E?? We would soon find out that ranger went back to the bar. Smell This would soon regret his new FRB status being the first to taste the Chinese beer. The pack followed Wentworth back up through
China Town and ran right down the middle of the street and the people said, “There go the Chicago Hashers!!” Just Faith and Just Nick seemed to be enjoying the celebrity status our hash has in China town.

Back at Tito’s the food was served and soon everyone was stuffed with soup, beef, sausage, and bread. Where can you get this for only $6? Oh and Its Too soft also tapped the beer Buddha as well. We ran our circle and called our hares in giving them an earful of CH3 appreciation. We also called for Monkey Turd to enter the circle because she was our full-fledged Chinese representative. Smell This received the Dragon head award for being the FRB, which he did wear, and I believe lost at the bar, silly Smelly. The hash also welcomed Back Door Bizzle to the hash. He is a new resident but also a past GM from the Richmond Hash, so welcome. We also let our Visitors sing us a song of Jack the necrophilia. Thanks again guys for making the Trek to Chicago we will try to visit Cincinnati and Madison in the future. Boner seemed to be following the advice of a Pink Floyd song because he was comfortably numb. The Keg was finally finished at 7 pm and ten hashers went north to drink more with our visitors. Well for those of you that missed the Chinese New Year you will have another year to wait for it Feb. 7, 2008, The Year of the RAT.

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

1.21.07 HASH TRASH for #1474

The day started off right with a 1-2 inch base of snow hitting the Chicago land area
overnight giving the hash a white blanket to run through on Sunday. ITS TOO SOFT and I
took the Green line to 63rd and Cottage Grove and then walked to STUPID MANS AND
STAB’EM and SLAB’EMS place. That was a different experience I recommend everyone
should try ONCE!! The hash began soon after we arrived and SMELL THIS gave us a quick
chalk talk. Didn’t we learn from Thursdays hash that light blue powder doesn’t work well
in snow?? Within three blocks from the hash we were lost and the cops had already
stopped us to ask what the hell we were doing? To which we answered Hashing of
course!!! LIFA and STAB’EM caught wind of the trail that went through a local playground
and the hash was back on trail. We were soon lost again within two blocks but this time
CHICKEN STIFFER who was out ranging found trail behind a grade school that lead us up to
some railroad tracks. HORN-e took over the lead here and found that the trail headed
east under a viaduct.
The pack kept going east and south until we hit a check by a south side church and
the hash was regaled with some gospel music exploding through the walls of this place of
worship. SPECKIE looked off in the distance and spied McDonalds and due to his hunger
gravitated towards it, which ironically was the correct way of the trail. The hash crossed
the street and was led into Jackson Park by VIRTUALLY HUNG. A few minutes later the
pack found the first beer stop next to the pussy tree which BONER had to point out to the
whole hash. CP and JUST KELLY caught up with us here and we finished off a 12 pack in
the woods of Jackson Park. The trail craniumed east and towards the Golden Lady of the
1893 Worlds fair designed by Daniel Burnham. BLOODY THIGHS and GOLDEN kept pace
with the rest of the pack now, but at the Golden lady the trail went cold. CHIP’N DALE
went east LIFA west and CHICKEN north and 5-minutes later we all went north across the
bridge and over the lagoon John Olmstead designed back in 1892. Here we ran by the
Japanese island and cast our foot prints in pristine snow smudged only by our hares hours
earlier. The hash swept by the south end of the Museum of Science and Industry, which
was the Art Museum in 1893 Worlds Fair. The trail lead us to the 2nd beer stop at
STAB’EMs old place. We climbed four flights of stairs to an apartment that over looked the
park and enjoyed our next beer. We climbed our way down out of the place but
VIRTUALLY HUNG decided to try and leave through another door silly rabbit!!
The Hash made it back to the ON IN and plopped down in front of the TV to watch
the BEARS; MUDSUCKER and SQUEEZE THESE joined us. PARDON MY FLAPS also came
south from the north side to watch the Bears. The half ended with the BEARS up 16-7 and
we had a power circle that lasted 10 minutes. The hash followed trail back upstairs to the
TV and a BEARS win but the no the circle was not over yet. After the game we brought the
lone packer fan, SMELL THIS into the circle to degrade his sorry ass. We also had a naming
this night. JUST KELLY due to her open fly is now known as “OPEN FOR BUSINESS. See you
all next week.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

1.13.MMVII

CHICAGO HASH HOUSE HARRIERS #1473

Well I guess you can call this the trail of additions because by the end of the circle we had twenty hashers present either for the trail or drinking at the bar. We also had to use one of our hashers in her official capacity of VET, more on this later. The trail started of in a queer manner because PETERBILT showed up before trail? and then took off to watch the football games. I wish I could have done that because there was some great games played that day. REAR LOADER gave us a chalk talk and SUGAR NIPPLES gave me JUST GUNNER to run with. Lets see hash flag or GUNNER next time I will run with the flag. The weather prediction of rain for the day turned out to be false and we had 40-degree weather to hash in with no rain. VIRTUALLY HUNG got a down for the great weather by MOUTHFUL OF MEAT for this. The trail went north and followed the el-tracks for 1/4 of a mile and then went back east. LIFA and MAGNETIC MUFF found a check on a six-way corner and were mislead by the
hare so they had to come back south. The latecomers of BONER MALFUNCTION, TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR THIGHS, and T-FRIDGE soon joined us on trail.

It seemed that the pack was being lead by our visitors from SIN CITY, SERVING SEAMEN and SOGGY SPARKS. These two had some fun and they bought haberdashery too. Soon the pack traveled down Montrose to the lakefront and there the pack hit a check that GUNNER the dog sniffed out. MAGNETIC MUFF took over FRB duties with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. They along with FLYING HOOTERS lead us into the beer stop, which was provided by NUTTIN BITCH and JUST MARK her man. Deep in the bowels of the beer stop JUST GUNNER ate the big blue mint, which turned out to be rat poison left to kill unwanted hashers. The pack placed a call to CP who advised SUGAR NIPPLES to feed the dog hydrogen peroxide to get GUNNER to vomit. I asked why not use beer because it seems to work that way for the hash? We all do hope that JUST GUNNER is ok and can hash another day!!

The pack warmed up and drank their beers. Many of the older hashers remembered that we used to use the basement of NUTTIN for circles in the past. We also got her to promise she would be back once a month to hash with us because we do miss her. The pack took off and made it back to the HOLIDAY CLUB where we took advantage of the food but more importantly the $5 pitchers. VIRTUALLY HUNG ran the circle. We called in REARLOADER for allowing a hasher to eat the big blue mint. The pack also serenaded our visitors who claimed they had a good time. But the talk of the night was the arrival of the girls from Wisconsin. Those of you that left early missed the arrival NUCLEAR, NACHO CHEESE, and JUST LAURA. They were soon dancing on tables and collecting dollars from bar patrons. Man do those girls form the North know how to party. Around 7 pm the hash broke up and I plus the girls of the north meet up with SHAVE MY WIFE PLEASE too watch the gophers vs. badgers hockey game.
I guess they stayed out til the bar closed 2 am what are hashers for?

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail
12.30.06
Hares: It�s too Soft, Pardon my Flaps, Just Do Me Slowly

The trail started from Hi-Tops in the Wrigleyville area on a sunny Saturday afternoon. We welcomed BRRRR our hasher from Texas to the Chicago Hash again. PARDON MY FLAPS brought a virgin named JUST ROB to run with us as well. After a quick chalk talk by ITS TOO SOFT the pack was off. EZ ON THE ASS carried the CH3 colors today and came very close to his most favorite place in Chicago Wrigley Field. HAPPY ASS GRABBER found the trail and it circled back around Wrigley thru the usually car wash area west of the field. CAN�T BEAT and I found picked up the scent and we ran down Clark making a right at Sluggers and here the trail went back North. The FRB�s were able to call back to CP and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT to shortcut the trail. FURBURGER caught up to HAPPY and I and we went north to Clark and Grace where we found our first check of the day. FURBURGER not used to being and FRB check hanged and the pack caught up to the FRB�s.
The trail went west again and was picked up by PUKE SUIT RIOT and SINGLEWIDE MOBILE HOME. JUST ROB looked like he was having fun on trail but it was rather long and straight for a CH3 hare. The pack kept heading west and hashers like ARE THEY REAL and SAN FRANCISCO TREAT plodded along to the beer stop. Which was near the corner of Lincoln and Newport. Champagne and beer were served along with sparklers. The hash celebrated the last hash of the year by waving their sparklers around. After a few beers the pack filtered back to Hi-Tops. CAVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED were waiting for us back there and soon the circle was made. We made 3-RING SPERM KISS the visiting GM from Waukesha drink a down down. And who can forget BUSHWACKER and HORN-E who also made out for the hash today. After about 15 minutes of the circle BONER, SMELL THIS, and HUMPTY DUMPTY arrived throwing the circle into utter chaos. Hopefully we will see you at the TH3 hash, which promises to
be an experience.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – 5th Annual Great Chicago Anthrax Scare & Santa Run

12.16.06 1469/Anthrax/Santa Hat Hash

The mismanagement team showed up around 1:45 pm and was helped out by VirtualY Hung, Copulator, and U got MY ROD with the 100 lbs of gear we had to carry mainly 60-70 lbs worth of Haberdashery. Rear loader and I handed out shirts and tags and collected regos. It was funny to see a rendition of Jesus saves performed with what looked like a real Jesus in the middle (HORN-E). It was pretty cool to see many old faces like LICK HER HARD and SMELLY CONCHA return to the hash but we also had many virgins including JUST AMY, JUST ANTOINETTE, JUST JOHN, JUST DO ME SLOWLY wait she’s not a virgin!!! I also meet FINGER PICKIN GOOD who flew in from Little Rock that day just to hash with us! Too bad he flew back out at 8 pm he missed half the fun!!! MILK MY YAK arrived with the bio-hazard suits and soon the Rock was nothing but white with red Santa’s hats. You could even hear the call of 69-CENT man saying Red Eye page 39. HORN-E says we set the record for the largest hash this day in Chicago because we had 95 paid regos and Numerous people who showed up late to party with us at the ON-ON-ON-IN. Lets try to rebreak the record for 1500 this Summer? I have to thank MILK and REAR for helping distribute everything so we were ready to roll by 3 pm.

The circle was made across the street from the Rock where the CH3 GM was maliciously attack by HORN-E’s girlfriend in the chalk talk. I tried to defend myself with my antlers to no avail. ITS TOO SOFT said to me once if you want to be GM there will be days like these. After a quick chalk talk the pack was off south down Halsted helped out by CALVIN and PMS who took it upon themselves to stop traffic for 2 minutes maybe that is why officer De Lecruz called me twice during our run. NOTE for 1500 make sure we again alert the police they were most understanding of our fun run this day. The pack was soon in the heart of Lincoln Park where LIFA and BONER were hot on the trail set by the hares, but no!!!! There was a false trail set to the condo of CHICKEN no beer here fellas go back to the last mark by St. Clements. BALLSALOTPUS was snapping pictures left and right of the white and red clad pack, which for some reason came out a little blurry oh darn. The trail went back up North on Broadway where VIPER SNATCH this time took over the duty of traffic control to allow hashers to cross. Nice job!!! CP and JUST DO ME SLOWLY did the usually check hang here waiting for the FRB’s to report that they found the trail. Soon we were on the overly used corner of Diversey and Sheridan with a check that went into the park. Man those Big-Humpers must have been hurting because they all were trying to win the DFL award today.

The pack traveled south revisiting all the areas which were closed off for the great Anthrax scare of 2002. Most of the tail of the pack hung with the hare short cutting through the mud of Lincoln Park. Even JUST JOHN in from Michigan kept up all the way to the beer stop. Many hashers stopped for the photo op created by running through the zoo, I think I heard someone shout I SEE CAMELS! or was it CAMEL TOE!! You never know with this bunch. The pack made their way through the zoo and final out where they hit a major back check on trail. I think JUST PATTI and JUST JESSE found the correct trail here. Further south we hit the Turkey-Eagle split, which was never mentioned in the chalk talk dumbass Hares!! If you went Eagle you found the trail looped around the Chicago Historical society if not you went directly to BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED place where several Jell-o shots were waiting for the pack. It is here where an unfortunate incident took place. Several hashers including U GOT MY ROD, RHOTAN, MOUNT ME, and others decided to follow some very faded check instead of follow the CLEARLY marked beer near sign on the corner of Wells and Lincoln. This caused them to completely miss the beer stop. I really feel bad for them ……. NOT!!

After a 20 minute stop in the Ivory tower overlooking the park the hash was on again. The trail ran through the DePaul neighborhood but before it went there it went thru OZ park where several hashers including TRIASSALON and PRINCESS LABIA gained five-ten pounds of mud by running thru the ball diamond. All we needed then was a ref and a ring and we could have had instant Mud wrestling with these two gorgeous hashers. I think this would have drove the price of the hash upwards to $50 or more. In the Words of my friend though “You can’t pay for entertainment like that!” Several hashers were getting tired so I sent them on the short cut and said go to FUJI’s place well they went there but guys FUJI don’t live there any more! You see over the Summer he moved, I know this because I helped him MOVE!!! And I think he even invited all of you to his new place and just in case you don’t know where it is. It is at 933 W. Wolfram. The hare doubled back on the trail and I think I corralled most of the pack to ITS TOO SOFT for the second beer stop around 5 pm and we all were done hashing for one day. On wards to Durkins!!

It was a good thing I went to Durkins first because they were not going to let people in without ID’s after a little shouting done by REARLOADER and a conversation between Ursuala, the Hostess, and I, The GM convinced them that the average age of our group was 30 years plus. I think it helped when people like HORN-E, MUDSUCKER, 69-CENT MAN, and RHOTAN walked in. They did card people like TWO-HANDED STROKE and BARKS on ALL FOURS because they are youngsters. Everyone wanted food, When do we eat?? Is all I heard, but I think you will agree DOWN DOWNS on a full stomach can be hard so we began the circle. I think we can all agree ITS TOO SOFT made a classic move by getting the Bull Horn for CALVIN and HORN-E made a great call by getting the Hashshit award, by the way where did that thing go?? Let me know because I don’t have it. The hares were brought in the circle for Shitty trail as is customary. JUST INGA who showed up for every hash since boots and utes got her lanyard and whistle. This made JUST JESSE jealous, but she can get hers if she shows up once for a hash and for hash ball in Feburary. But I think all will agree the sight of the night was seeing 10-15 virgins receive their first DOWN-DOWN in the circle. I have to admit the CANS on 2 CAN SLAM were indescribable even Ed the bar manager raised an eyebrow to that because he couldn’t raise a beer while on the job. DMB and HUMMERS paid the price for trying to get the hares drunk the night before with a down down. We even sang Happy Birthday to TOO LOOSE to SCREW, and in the process almost lit CALVINS RA robe on fire!! SMELL THIS even got his own down down when we found his picture in a magazine. The best description I heard that night was he was trying to impersonate Freddy Mercury, Dear GOD I hope we still have that picture or can we get a copy it needs to be on the website!!! Around 7pm the food arrived and the hash was ravenous. I have to Thank ROTTEN WHORE for playing the part of hostess because she kept filling the empty trays with food. I have to say we should have given her man ODOR EATER a down down for hashing in a suit what is up with that!!

By 8 pm everyone looked well feed and watered down oh!! I mean beered down and Calvin reopened the circle. More abuse was poured out from the RA who looked pleasantly pleased with his new drinking vessel. Guard it with your life because many have tried to take my chalice!! It was nice to talk with MR. And MRS. ED in from Minneapolis they said they had a blast, which I think was the general feeling of all present. Later when things seemed to be winding down MAGNETIC MUFF tried to start her own naked hash. I think it was a smart move not too because Lincoln Park cops don’t mess around just ask HUMPTY DUMPTY who I heard got arrested? I saw CHEAP DATE go home early saying the words “I’m so DRUNK!!!” I just must take a minute to thank ITS TOO SOFT, who in his infinte wisdom used flour fours years ago to lay trail in a heavily populated area like Lincoln Park. On the serious side a special thanks needs to go out to ITS TOO SOFT for his constant updating of the CH3 website and his constant picture taking. I may joke with him and say “There’s something you don’t see everyday a Japanese man taking pictures!” but if he didn’t do this and do it for free our hash would not run as well as it does.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM

12/10/06 HASH TRASH for #1468

The hash started from the land of Emerald Isle. Many of us used tubular chariots to arrive at the starting line. We came from east and west and north and south to take part in LIFAs and BLOODY THIGHs trail. After a short chalk talk the hash took off south with ORGY and HAPPY ASS GRABBER doing the leading. We came to a series of checks and splits with the later being a turkey-eagle split which halved the group. RENT A VIRGIN and VIRGIN BANGER as well as others took the turkey. MUFF, CHICKEN, and SPOTTED COCK and others went Eagle and they were in for a long eagle. HORN-E and CHICKEN were soon running in circles while the pack followed the correct trail back west. JUST KAITLIN was out there somewhere stomping thru the snow as well. The pack came to a check at Peterson and NW Hwy that almost got CAPT. CRUNCH crunched. IT�s TOO SOFT dragged his ass around trail even after a 15 hour drinking binge the day before at TBOX11. REARLOADER and ORGY picked up the scent and
now we went back north. We ran for another 2 miles before we got to the beer stop NE of the Emerald Isle. It was here where LIFA questioned a pool sign that said something about �BALL IN HAND??� PARDON MY FLAPS took the job beer mistress and poured for all thirsty hashers, Thanks!! We even saw the family of COFFEE & MOUNT ME with JUST HANNAH in tow, damn she even had on hash attire, what good parents.
We made it back to the ON IN where CALVIN and HUMPTY DUMPTY had drank the bar out of all of their fat tire or is that HUMPTY�s girlfriends hash name?? CALVIN and STUMPY ran the circle and we were serenaded by LIFA with a raunchy rendition of the little drummer boy. ERECT the RED teased us again with his ability to make the circle come to a screeching halt during his down down. We also saw the arrival of PB, JUST INGA, SMELL THIS, RHOTAN and BONER (who still owes me hash cash). STUMPY lost her tits to me but will get them back this weekend and we did have a naming. JUST KAITLIN was asked numerous questions about herself and then asked to leave the circle. We brought her back to the circle for what we thought would be her new hash name but upon returning to the circle and getting on her knees she uttered another silly phrase. In an unprecedented move the GM asked her to leave the circle again and the hash changed its mind, so from here and forever JUST KAITLIN is now
known as, �KNEELS so EASILY.� See you all at 1469/ANTHARX!!!!!!!!!!

ON ON
CHICKEN STIFFER

12/2/06 CH3 & SCH3 Idiots Day Hash
Hare:Speckle Bird

On this cold and crazy day with wind chills hovering around 0 degrees twenty brave hashers came together on the Northwest side of the city to celebrate the Annual Idiots Day Hash. The circle began promptly at 2:30 pm or in idiot language 2:45 pm. The circle began with the idiot Speckie using white chalk to explain his marks did he realize it had snowed the day before? What an idiot!! Son of Dick made himself a menace was soon found face down in the snow pushed down by the hare. Is the circle required to call DCFS for Child Abuse? After a quick chalk talk trail was begun with the Anus Clan leading the way. It�s too Soft was present and accounted for even after hosting a hugely successful bar crawl the night before. CP and her clones also made an appearance this day. The trail went left the trail went right and soon the first circle jerk was found by Peg Leg and Rhotan Man. True to form this trail was set by an idiot after one check the pack was seen circling and
circling the same park until Bloody Thighs found trail leading out of the park.
This led east a little until we came to our next split which was a turkey-eagle split. Lifa and Orgy our overachieving hashers went eagle while others like Just Inga, Just jessie and Just Patti took the turkey split. The trail ended up at some bar on Milwaukee Ave. that was connected to a liquor store go figure. It was at this fine establishment where old men passed around a shared pair of teeth so each could gnaw on some pizza. I think Dingleberry had more teeth than the 15 old guys in there combined. It reminded me of one of Ez on the Asses South side bars he frequents. The pack enjoyed a fine cold one and then took off on the 1/2 mile jog back to the bar where Stump Humper was already warming her buns along with Blood Thighs. The hash cash came back and beer was poured out to the welcoming pack.
Soar Balls and Stumpy lead the circle in welcoming the new virgin Just Patti to the hash, who by the way is paid in full for 1469/Anthrax. 2nd Timer Just Jessie will only be around for Anthrax and then she will be off back to school at MSU this will be a loss of some fine hash material. She is dying to be named before she leaves though. Grateful Dick announced that the Cuss hash will be run next on March 17, 2007 Sorry Grateful, But the Chicken should by in St. Louis for the green dress. The only other person not mentioned yet is Just Kaitlin so there she is. The hash was still going strong when the Chicken crossed the road at 7 pm and may still be there now. Also thanks to whoever bought our food because we were informed that the food order was taken care of if not I owe someone $7.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Chicago Hash 11/19/06 Hash Trash
Hares: Cum in My Assfault & Boner Malfunction

The Hash was supposed to start around 2:30 pm after the mismanagement meeting held at It’s too Soft’s place. The irony was that the hares made most of this meeting instead of setting trail. This pushed the start time of the hash closer to 3 pm but are there rules to hashing?!?!? Boner and Cum in My Assfault lead the circle which included 2nd time hasher Just Inga, who even brought a new virgin Just Jessie. Just Inga also bought a rego for the 1469/Anthrax hash so the hash seems to have corrupted another young mind, oh what a waste! The hares then informed the circle that the first part of trail would be live and they would need 12 minutes for a cranium start. Lifa and Virtually Hung lead the circle in a warm up to Father Abraham. While this was going on Smell This tried to be sneaky and stuffed the CH3 flag into the garbage which he got a down-down for at the ON-IN.

After the warm up the hash took off up Broadway and began to follow this f***** up trail with Assflac, Lifa, and Happy Ass Grabber leading the pack. The trail wound thru the Lakeview neighborhood and came to a serious check on the corner of Belmont and Halsted. Here the pack ran into a stone wall on trail which caused some serious check hanging to be done by Bloody Thighs, Magnetic Muff, and Sugar Nipples. The trail went SW thru the bank and was sniffed out by 2-Tiks to a Pair a Thighs, maybe she should try navigating one of her flights for United? The trail kept going SW and seemed to be on a direct line back to PARTY CENTRAL, but NO!!!! The flag bearer, Chicken Stiffer found trail going thru Illinois Masonic Hospital along with Furberger and Lifa. It followed the EL line for a few blocks and went West on Diversey to a screwed up check on Lincoln and Diversey. Here the pack separated and Princess Labia went one way Horn-E went another and Mudsucker just got lost or
did he??

The trail eventually was found to make its way South towards the original party central and a pack formed around Flying Hooter’s but does she constitute a pack by herself? Ask the Thursday crowd about that one!! The Beer Near and Beer was located and Boner had Beer and Rum for the pack. Sir Poops A Lot grabbed a berry beer I thought those were for the chicks?? We have to say our good-byes to POOPS and Special Head because they are leaving for Hawaii. What a load of crap can’t take the cold you two? And you will miss 1469!!! I heard many hashers complaining later that the trail sucked because they missed the beer stop. But if the Virgin, Just Jessie, can find the beer what is your excuse? Even Milk-My-Yak partook of the fine amber of the Gods before leaving for home.

The ON IN was at Friar Tuck’s where the Hares were lambasted for their nonchalant trail setting attitude. They were nailed at least three times for such a shitty trail, but they did make up for it in FOOD. Virtually Hung guest RA’d for the day and welcomed our new virgin Just Jessie who learned quickly not to wear new shoes to a hash. Free food seems to be an ongoing theme for the hash lately because those who showed up on Sunday got a free TURKEY dinner at the Tuck. Have a Happy Turkey Day and we will wee you next weekend!!

CHICKEN STIFFER

11/5/06 Chicago Hash #1463
CP & BushWacker—> hares
By Chicken Stiffer

The trail started from Paddy Mack?s at 4200 N block of Pulaski. We had Sir Poops Alot, Special Head, Agador Spartacus, Lifa, Chicken Stiffer, Its too Soft, Mount Me and Coffee with Just Hannah, Sugar Nipples, Just Gunner, Leisure Suit Larry, Erect the Red, Milk-my-Yak, and Barks on All Fours start off on trail. The trail went North up Pulaski where there was a major check on the corner of Pulaski and Montrose. It was there where the pack got really confused because at first Chicken Stiffer couldn?t count right and missed the trail going west because he couldn?t count up to three marks. After about 20 minutes and with the help of Bushwacker, the hare, Lifa was able to find trail heading back South West but it would have helped if the hares had used a curve or arrow to denote a turn on the trail. On trail Leisure Suit Larry kept talking about his trifecta of the week, which was completing the TH3, Moon Hash, and CH3 in four days, what a racist. It was fun to watch
Just Gunner drag Sugar Nipples all over the pavement today. When we got to the beer stop Sugar Nipples asked for the FRB?s to take Gunner next time and wear him out. Those whistles on trail do help people alot Sir Poops and Chicken were able to home in on the trail because Lifa had his whistle to direct the pack to On Trail. The pack kept running SW until we got to the Kennedy underpass at California. There after another check the trail continued SW where it went through some streets and a house under construction. The FRB set up a trap consisting off garbage cans blocking the gate exit. We heard later that Mount Me and others had to circumnavigate this obstruction. The beer stop was at CP?s place near Belmont and the Milwaukee tracks, where we found Milk, Coffee, and Barks eating chips and drinking beer. Just Hannah has come in very handy lately because she has been the ?BEER BUGGY?, maybe a name in there somewhere?? CP & Bush were great hares because they provided not only DRINK but FOOD at the Ssop and all were happy, but where was Erect the Red????

The On In was at Brudders at Addison and Pulaski, where CP arranged $5 pitchers for the hash WOO HOO more Beer. It is at this point that Mudsucker and Bloody Thighs made an appearance, Mudsucker was distraught over the loss of the Bears that day and drowned his sorrows in a beer and burger. We also found Erect the Red waiting here for us. Mudsucker also announced his Chili party for next Saturday at his place WOO HOO more Food!!! We also found out via the Hash hotline that Calvin our RA had jumped from some precipice after the Bears loss dislocating and breaking his ankle Lets sing him a song ?DONNIE THE RETARD HAD AN………….?. On a side note where are all those hashers who voted not to push the start time of the hash back to accommodate Bears fans??? The Bears fans are showing up after the game but you ?NO? votes are not coming out at all for the trail and we know who you are. Next week the Hash will be out of the Ravenswood Pub in the 5400 block of North Ravenswood wear you Camo gear for Veterans Day and the Bears play at night with a Bears party at FUJI?s afterwards. Also we will have a MISMANAGEMENT MEETING FOR CH3 on NOV. 19 before the hash so come to the meeting and also watch the Bears play the NY Jets.