Author: Snatch Squatch

HASH TRASH

May 11, 2009

Chicago Hash #1598
VENUE: Kelly’s Pub- LIFA’s 1,000 Hash
HARES: LIFA, Erin GO Buff
VIRGINS: Just Pablo, Just Ashley, Just Laurel
VISITORS: Pussy in Boots and Just Norma New York
HASHERS: Just Christine, R-tard-E, Snatchsquatch, Poultry F*cker, Chicken Stiffer, Ice Princess, Just Steve, Horn-e, Fistful of Pricks, Hoosier Daddy, Mouthful of Meat, Hot Pants, Just Willow, Asscapades, Shiggy Packer/Half Fag, Lower Whackoff, Cheesus, Just Job, Ginger Snatch, Just Amy, Calvin Klein, Batteries No Included, Motor Whore-a

TOTAL HASHERS – 30

The hash was free today for those that showed up to run because LIFA was willing to cover everyone’s hash cash that showed to run his shitty trail. 30 hashers showed up for this memorable LIFA run. ERIN GO BUFF was his co-hare and he had to borrow $20 from me before the hash began to pay for the beer stop. That makes it a net loss for me before I even ran of $12!! Its funny to note that even though I put out that there was free parking under the EL next to the bar that most people choose to park on the street. GINGER SNATCH and JUST AMY two latecomers were the only ones to use the free parking that night and they were then able to catch up with the pack. The hares laid this one live and the beer stop was at the house of CHEESUS where JUST ASHLEY, a virgin, lay in wait to give the pack their beer. WE gave the hares 15 minutes cranium start and they really only needed ten-minutes. While they left we conducted a short chalk talk with our 2 virgins and at the correct time the hash was out.

I stayed behind to guard bags and point latecomers like the above-mentioned GINGER and really latecomers CALVIN and BATTERIES in the right direction on trial. Back at the bar MOTOR WHOR-a showed up and we watched the beginning of what would turn out to be an awesome BLACKHAWKS game before the pack returned to conduct circle.

When the pack did return our FRB was ICE PRINCESS followed in by GINGER SNATCH as our FBI. Kevin Kelly, the owner of the place, treated the pack to a case of Berghoff beer in the back donated to the hash. We also had pitchers of beer for down-downs, which were skillful brought to the circle by HALF FAG and MOTOR WHORE-A or beer wenches for the night. We said hello to JUST NORMA and PUSS IN BOOTS, in from NY, who said they never heard so many songs before in circle. We were kept informed of the Hawks score and knew it was 3-3 after the 2nd period. LIFA was brought in numerous times for his 1000th run and shitty trail but when one hare drank all hares drank so ERIN GO BUFF drank with him. CALVIN got angry at SNATCHSQUATCH because SNATCH accused him of screwing up a song so CALVIN made SNATCH drink but CALVIN had to drink with him because when one RA drink all RA’s drink. JUST CHRISTINE who survived Polish Constitution Day made it for her 2nd hash and even has paid for Memorial Day Hash.

Some reboots that made it out today included LOWER WHACKOFF, JUST AMY, GINGER SNATCH, HOT PANTS, and CHEESUS. BATTERIES birthday is this week and she turns 21 and can finally drink legally with the hash. Finally we did get around to JUST PABLO, JUST LAUREL, and JUST ASHLEY our virgins for the night. We welcomed them and they seemed pleased with the events that took place this night. MAKE sure you sign up for the Chicago Hash #1600!!! Eventually the circle ended and most ran inside to catch the end of the hawk’s game, which we now know, ended in a 7-5 score with the Hawks winning.

After the game, a circle was reconvened with the intention of naming JUST GENESIS, HALF FAG, SHIGGY PACKER, Shiggy Shagger (in Horn-e’s write up from red dress), so many names for one hasher. CH3 hashers for the last couple of weeks have been asking to rename him because people who didn’t even know him at a Moon Hash named him, and they wanted to be involved in the naming process. He also was named due to an incident that took place on a CH3 trail so we took a quick vote from those present like ICE PRINCESS, SALTY, MOTOR, SNATCH, ASSCAPADE, CHICKEN, FISTFUL of PRICKS, MOUTHFUL of MEAT, and HOOSIER DADDY, and the vote was unanimous in favor of renaming him. JUST GENESIS was also in favor of being renamed in the CH3 hash, why he was named at the moon hash in the first place, no one knows? Suggestions of Half Fag, velicaraptor, t-rex, sideways cocksucker were suggested but ultimately JUST GENESIS is now “SCREWUNICORN to a DOLPHIN,” Good luck with that one!

Next week the hash will be at “THE SPOT” and hared by visitors PIED PIPER and SKUNK CHASER from KC. The Spot is near the corner of Broadway and Montrose.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

May 4, 2009

Chicago Hash #1597

VENUE: Red Apple
HARES: Cuma Slutra, 69-Cent Man, Virgin Banger
VIRGINS: Just Mike, Just Margaret, Just Christine, Just Nick, Just John
VISITORS: None

HASHERS: Just Kip, Just Steve, Are They Real, Horn-e, Ice Princess, Half Fag, Asscapade, Erin Go Buff, Lifa, Motor Whore-a, Mount Schwiiiinga, Just Wotk, Just Lech, Just Walter, Just Joe, Just Joel, W’all bangher, Just Dave, Mouthful of Meat, Salty Gash, Peterbilt, Poultry F*cker, Renta Virgin, Ernest Cummingway, Bloody Thighs, Just Shania, Snatchsquatch, Fistful of Pricks

TOTAL HASHERS – 36

Today was the annual Polish Constitution Day hash. Milwaukee and Belmont were still recovering from the actually celebration of this event over the weekend when the CH3 came to this neighborhood. 69-CENT MAN, VIRGIN BANGER, and CUMA SLUTRA were our hares of record. The trail laid was a pretty familiar one if you have run this neighborhood before. We based by the major points of interest Churches, bars, houses, etc. and had to endure the markings of 69-Cent man to get to the on-in. FRB’s today were CHICKEN and LIFA but they were helped by HALF-FAG, ERIN GO BUFF, and HORN-E today thru most of the trail. Our DFL’s who didn’t see the 7 pm sharp start time were JUST DAVE and W’all BANGHER. Sounds like JUST DAVID will be leaving soon and make his way back to France. He will miss the best part of Chicago….SUMMMER! !!!

Their was nothing too memorable about trail except for the Drunk Guy in the beginning that BLOODY THIGHS stepped on or 69-CENT MAN trying to get the back of the pack to do the circle jerk portion of the trail or MOTOR WHORE-A and her Penis whistle or ASSCAPADE wearing the only none red shirt in the place or the Absence of Ruji or MOUNT SCHWIIIINGA announcing POP as June 18 or PETERBILT showing up or JUST KIP, STEVE, JOEL running the 2nd CH3 hash or SCHWIIIINGA running for more food when they were going to close the buffet or ICE PRINCESS showing up late and selling CUBS tickets for $5 or HORN-E cornering another virgin or did I say PETERBILT showing up, so actually NOTHING EVENTFUL happened at this hash, what a bummer!!

The hash shut down a little earlier than usual because the restaurant had to close by 10 pm so SNATCH, MOTOR, FISTY, POULTRY, ICE-ICE BABY and I went to relax for another beer before we went home to bed. Next week the hash returns to the lovely confines of Lincoln Park at Kelly’s Pub. ERIN go BUFF will be our hare with LIFA weather outlook looks good for running so I will see you there unless I see you at RED DRESS first!!

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM