Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 12 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

Here we go again. Last week, Happy Ass Grabber advertised the TH3 Hash with “Shitty weather=great hash”. It wasn’t that bad and either was the hash. And this day wasn’t that bad for a Chicago Hash. Back before I joined the hash, the Chicago Hash ran a decent trail on the day Chicago hit its lowest temp ever, -28 degrees with a -80 degree wind chill. This just wasn’t that bad. There were gusts of maybe thirty and they helped cool me off after wearing to many layers of clothes. The temps were in the 20s. Not bad at all while running. Hoosier Daddy and Just Lisa laid trail using blue flour and it all, all, held up. We ran from the Red Line Tap and it was heavy metal day with people with tattoos and piercings and leather and levis everywhere. And stuff for sale. We weren’t interested. We are hashers. And finally the pack arrived. Horn-E was first and Lifa was last and there was no one else coming out on this great day for hashing. Just the two most prolific hashers in town. And Lifa even drove from Wheaton or wherever he lives, just for this hash. Where were you? “Shitty weather=great hash”. There were two four legged hounds to join us on trail, Dingo(?) and Loka(?). Loka was really enjoying the snow and wind. Dingo ended up being carried for part of the trail by Hoosier Daddy.
Meanwhile, Lifa and Horn-E took off on trail. Heading west, we ran about three blocks before we found our first Check. Lifa was ahead to the west. Horn-E opted for the wind at his back and headed south and was soon on. Some trees were even marked with blue. Trail headed south for a bit and then further west. Horn-E was still leading with Just Lisa and Loka following. This led to a Split. By now Lifa was there and Horn-E headed south in an alley. On. He blew the horn, but in the wind, I think the sound was heard on Devon instead of around the corner and up wind. By the time he got to the end of the alley, he finally spotted Lifa and waved him on. Another Check. Horn-E headed further west and found nothing. Lifa wandered around and finally found trail to the east. At this point he was running with our sweep Just Lisa and Loka. We headed east all of the way to the El tracks and then went on a big loop to the south. Along the way I encountered the Abominable Snowman caring some fresh game. No wait. That was Hoosier Daddy carrying Dingo. I ran on. The trouble with going south with the wind meant we had to go north to return. Against the wind. And we did and it felt great. I had so many layers of shirts on that I was sweating and need the cool relief. We did find another Check heading towards the lake. We must have ran around for ten minutes before Lifa finally found marks down an alley to the north. And there was Hoosier Daddy waiting for us. From here it was several more blocks before we finally got back to the Red Line Tap.
We held a quick CH3 Meeting and decided that we wouldn’t pay any Hash Cash today, but each buy our own beer. Our decision was aided by the fact that it was dollar glass day. We held a quick circle and Lifa sang another Christmas song for us.
Then Lifa decided to leave after one beer because of his long, hour or longer, ride home. And just after he left, Fistful Of Pricks came in. When asked why she didn’t get there for the hash, she just smiled. And then Just Lisa decided to leave to find parking at home. Hoosier Daddy was also going to leave for the same reason. And Horn-E dressed and headed out to the El. And the weather wasn’t bad enough to have an all time low attendance for CH3. Just two. Really hashers, lets get out there. “Shitty weather=great hash”

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 5 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

It was cold. Bitter cold. Like hell. It was just a little below freezing. So where was everybody? Corn Star
was our hare out of the Pitch. We had only 7 hounds. Yes, seven. And four of them didn’t have 20 hashes between them, or names yet and two hounds were on their second hash, Just Laurel and Just Camdin. And they both did well against the experienced three hounds. Well, Lifa did well, but Horn-E and Its Too Soft were mainly behind a lot. Just John and Just Ryan have been around a bit lately and they were doing well too.
So after a quick chalk talk, the Magnificent Seven took off on Corn Star’s trail. We found a Check at Webster and Just Ryan was soon on to the west and north and through some alleys. From the back of the pack it looked like Lifa was finding most of the marks, or ranging as usual and getting lucky. He actually missed two short loops and picked up the trail further on. We crossed Fullerton for a bit and then it was back south through some town houses and further south, and around a park. Here was a Check that seemed a bit tough. Why? I have no idea, I was last to the Check and they seemed to be struggling. I saw Its Too Soft head south and I went to Check because he never leaves the Check unless someone found something. He wasn’t in sight. At the alley, I saw Its Too Soft, Just John and Just Camdin at the end. Now, it was really slippery out there, but these three hounds didn’t look like there were slipping. That takes motion. They looked glued to the spot. I called for Just Laurel and they were still motionless. If they were lying down, I’d have called an ambulance and checked for a heart beat. So I headed off in another direction and just as I was about to disappear out of sight, an On call was made. So there I was playing catch up. I finally caught the back runners Just John and Its Too Soft just before we headed south on Clybourn. Now with the narrow, partially covered with snow, side walks and slippery spots where lazy bastards didn’t shovel and it was now slick ice, I opted for the safe dry streets. Hell, there were only shoppers in cars on cell phones, yelling at kids, drinking a latte, and fumbling with their free hand under their clothing. That was safer then the ice. Anyhow, I digress. Six other hashers ran down the sidewalk and not a one saw the turn arrow. It was there. I saw it after we ran back a block. So now we headed into the industrial area. Lifa was back out in front. Way in front. We got to a Check at Cortland and were spread all over when tail was found to the west. And over the bridge. Where was this girl taking us. Another Check at Elston had us really split up. LIfa headed to the Metra Station. I think everyone else headed straight. Its Too Soft was trying to hide his camouflage outfit against a wall to stay warm. Horn-E went north and soon saw Lifa blowing his whistle. He blew his horn and followed Lifa back between factories and to a little field by the river where we found beer. Several minutes later, Corn Star led the rest of the pack on in. And we stood around in the glowing rays of the setting sun drinking beer. This was Corn Star’s first solo attempt at haring and it was ……. The two newest hashers, Just Camdin and Just Laurel did a real decent job of getting out there at Checks right from the first Check. Well done.
Back at the Pitch we found Fistful Of Pricks, Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein sitting around drinking beer. Calvin Klein soon called us into a circle and went on and on giving down downs to the hare and her surrogate, the bar tender, the non runners and on and on and on. After it was over, many ordered food and then soon left.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 28 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Double Bubble and our hares were Ginger Snatch and Just Michael. We had fifteen hounds with one of them a virgin, Just Camdin, three visitors, Screws On First, Summer’s Eve, and the former area hasher, Canned Pussy, and a hasher not seen hashing in years, TransFrancisco Treat. But that still left 10 current hounds to lead the trail. Well, except for Lifa and Horn-E who were taken out by the hares early in the game and ran the trail backwards. So much for experience. Well done hares.
Trail headed east and west right from the start with an immediate Turkey/Eagle Split after one block. Horn-E led the eagles into a parking lot to the west and immediately became DFL at the first Split. We headed south through a series of alleys next to the El tracks, passed a three squad car bust in progress, another block south and finally east towards the lake. But this led to an immediate Check and the pack was scattered to the east and south when the trail was found to the north. Damn hares. This led to another check a block north. And again the hares sucked the pack along while Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs and Just Ryan were far to the east, Just John was in a parking lot, someone was far to the north, Lifa found trail west, crossing the previous trail and past the police again. Now we crossed Broadway and Lifa beat the traffic and was way out in front. Horn-E led the rest down an alley missing a short loop back to Broadway. But Lifa was seen ahead in the alley, at a T in the alley. Lifa went west. Trail came back around a building and a mark was seen heading west by Horn-E. So he went west. Naturally. A block later, they are calling On to the north in that alley. Well, a turn arrow must have been missed. But Lifa was ahead and last seen, he was heading west. So Horn-E headed west on a parallel course. The hare warned us about this. After a reeeeal long block, Horn-E headed north and came to an arrow from the north going into the alley. Looking ahead, he could see Lifa running around like at a Check. A weirdly marked BVN sign. So he blew the horn and entered the alley to find B. And no beer and no one else. Lifa soon joined him. Now what? Apparently we stumbled onto the B2. Yes, two of them. Damn, did we get sucked in. Lifa soon headed backwards on trail and Horn-E eventually followed, a long twisting trail heading north and east and into Loyola campus. Here we saw the on out trail, but continued backwards to B1, a block north of the campus along Lake Michigan. Yeah, like we have another lake? Horn-E arrived just as the pack was finishing up and we all headed south and west and to B2. This time Horn-E just ran and walked along with Just John and Just Ryan was seen streaking ahead trying to win. Well, with Lifa laying back also, who was going to beat him. From here it was a short walk back to the bar.
Back at the bar we found Fistful Of Pricks, again not running, and Black Widow, a former area hasher, back in town who just missed the start. And of course, they didn’t know each other so they each sat alone. Just after we all got our warm clothes off to relax in the bar, Lifa got us into the back yard for a circle and we had to redress for the cold. And it got cold. And Lifa had very little help in extending the circle as we were mostly all shivering back there. But we did get the two non runners, Black Widow and Fistful Of Pricks, the virgin, Just Camdin, the three visitors, Screws On First and Summer’s Eve the founders of the new Alamogordo Hash in New Mexico, and Canned Pussy, and about seven hashers who haven’t felt we were worth running with as of late, including TransFrancisco Treat, Stab “em & Slab ’em, Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, Fistful Of Pricks, Magnetic Muff, Cum In My Ass Fault and Black Widow. Yeah, they all had reasons, but no excuses were excepted and they all drank beer.
After that, it was back into the bar, finally. There we drank late watching Just John hitting on Black Widow. Black Widow hitting on Just John. The bar regulars hitting on Ginger Snatch. And Bloody Thighs was hitting on everyone except Horn-E. And eventually we were treated by the hares to two giant pizza’s. Well done. The pizza. Shitty trail as all of your down downs proved.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 20 Nov 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Soul Taco’s place where she was hosting the CH3’s annual Thanksgiving Hash turkey dinner. CH3 had to move this event to Sat to accommodate Soul Taco’s personal needs. So they mover the start back to 3PM so as to not conflict with the normal schedule of the Bushman Hash. Soul Taco had a partner in crime in Poultry Fucker in laying that trail. Actually the ladies laid a decent trail with some good loops, but you never heard it here. It was a shitty trail. Poultry Fucker was sweeping and led the beginning circle, with our virgin, Just John paying close attention. Like anybody else was. We had a pack of 12 hounds at the start and we were right off into the alleys of the area. Heading south east we hit a Check. Dark Side Of The Poon was seen up at Belmont on a False. Trail went south for a nice little loop that had the trail coming back to within about a hundred feet of earlier trail. But the pack was all following and no one managed that short cut. From here it was at least one gangway and down a couple of short alleys where Horn-E and R-Tard-E managed to catch a short cut to the pack and a Check at Kimball/Milwaukee/Diversey. This one had is going in circles. Crop Duster went way south on Milwaukee before trail was found to the north on Kimball. We wandered around several streets and finally through a school yard and a fence climb. Or run around if you were paying attention. But the pack was stretching out and we finally approached Logan Blvd and those at the back could just catch some hounds approaching the Logan Monument. Check. Naturally. And the lead hounds were already out of sight. Trail seemed to go west. Wrong. That is where Horn-E managed to accost some bimbo running along. Actually, she asked him if we were hashers. Meanwhile the pack disappeared to the south as Horn-E told her how to find out about us. It was about three blocks later before he caught the sweep, Are They Real and Salty Gash. But they were short cutting and Horn-E ran on, now off trail. As he wandered on, Poultry Fucker finally caught him to guide him back to trail and towards the beer stop. And a block later, there was the pack. And about three blocks later was the beer stop in a park along Diversey. Soul Taco was there with beer and Its Too Soft, arriving late, went with her to the beer stop. The pack was complete. Others on trail included Just Ian, Happy Ass Grabber and Turbo Dog, Goldilocks, Hump Me Dump Me, Just Mary and Rhotan. After a bit, the chills started and we headed back to the On In for some Taco Turkey. We found a bunch of couch potatoes along with the mashed potatoes waiting for us. They included Chicken Stifer, I Like Dick, Glory Hole and Ice Princess. Horn-E headed to the kitchen with knife and fork in hand for some KP. That’s Kutting Poultry, and not that Poultry. That’s carving turkey. And the circle commenced in the living room. I heard our Virgin, Just John, getting introduced, and the hares were constantly called out. After we settled into a good dinner with all sorts of side dishes to compliment the Turkey.