Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash, 6 Mar 2011, by Horn-E

We met at Brenden’s Too and out hares were Salty Gash and The International Virgin. This was also Salty Gash’s first time haring. Oooops. Actually it wasn’t a bad course and longer then we have been getting use to lately with to many shorter trails. Good. We are a running club. And there were some straights that were verging on to long. We also had a problem with marks being to far apart, and often not were we would normally look for them. Add to that the flour marks in blue and red on snow, that melted, leaving the marks sinking into grass and harder to see. All right, I’m criticizing, but Salty Gash wanted to know. She’ll get better as she hares more often.
We took off to the north for a block and then headed west. Chicken Stifer was already short cutting and we didn’t see him again until the beer stop. At Kedzie we had a Triple Split and SnatchSquatch swore it would go south. Another MIA. It went west and north and never went south. Meanwhile, The new hasher, Pool Job, who actually ran from the lakefront about three miles to the start, was still warmed up and he just headed west and we barely kept him in sight for most of the trail. We did head west and west and a bit north and very infrequent Splits and Checks and worked our way almost to Pulaski and north to Foster. I did find myself running with various hashers along the way, O’Shitty Runch, Lifa, Pull My Pork, 10 Dix With Wings and others. But always there seemed to be someone disappearing two blocks ahead and looking back, someone a block or more behind. Strung out all over. We finally turned back to the east and went through a park and over a bridge and west towards North Park College. I was now running with Lifa and we could see a group ahead including Magnetic Muff in bright yellow. We went down an alley and came to Kimball. Those in front went through a parking lot and Horn-E was falling behind. Yes, again. Getting stuck with traffic, he headed south and then entered North Park College Campus a half block later. Now paralleling those just ahead, He came to a path near a bridge. 10 Dix With Wings came his way saying she was at a Check. We had those on this trail? Anyway, we found a mark. Horn-E led across a footbridge and found another. 10 Dix With Wings took the lead and found a third. After blowing the horn several times, he finally saw Lifa in the distance following. Go. And we did. We came to a Triple Split at Kedzie and 10 Dix With Wings was on straight. By then, Horn-E was a block south and he paralleled for several blocks finally spotting Pull My Pork coming his way. There was another Check to the north and apparently we caught a pack in front of us. Pull My Pork did manage to find the trail and Horn-E was right behind him. We worked our way south and back west, across Kedzie to the Beer Stop at the home of Salty Gash. She actually let us inside and there were Jello shots and other shots and beer and all was good.
Now, Salty Gash lives right across the hall from Magnetic Muff. She managed to leave the marks around their condo building after Magnetic Muff left for the hash so even she didn’t know where the beer stop would be. Well done.
Back at the bar we finally got into the beer and had a circle. We were formally introduced to our virgin, Just Reed. Welcome to hashing. And we had a visitor from Washington DC, Bored And Curious. After the circle, SnatchSquatch held one of the better naming circles I’ve seen. Orderly and mostly calm. We got many good ideas and finally we named Just John, Caught Red Headed. A take off on his red hair and ……
The hash lasted late and many got some food from across the street and just stayed on as the beer kept flowing. O’Shitty Runch managed to talk Cum In My Ass Fault to ride home with him on his bike, a tandem bike. Caught Red Headed, Horn-E, SnatchSquatch and Two Girls One Cupcake finally closed it out about 11:30. Others on trail hounds were Mouthful Of Meat, Its Too Soft, Beer Spill Valdez, Corn Star, and Glory Hole. We also had a bunch of house puppies show up, The Dark Kunt, Mudsucker, Mount Schwiiinga, Rotten Whore and her friend, Just Rick.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Feb 27, 2011 by Horn-E

This trail was hared by Fistful Of Pricks and SnatchSquatch. Upon entering Horn-E saw SnatchSquatch and congratulated him on being the new CH3 GM. The huge pack slowly gathered. All right, not huge, but eager. Besides Horn-E there was Just Chris, Its Too Soft, Salty Gash, O’Shitty Runch, and a new hasher to the area, up at Fort Sheridan, Pool Job and a visitor from Washington D. C. Just Kennette. We were also joined by W Jew 40 on trail, late but well lubbed. Our first Check was a hundred feet away and Horn-E, Just Kennette and Just Chris were almost to the beer stop, backwards, before we turned back and found the rest of the pack gone, and no sweep. We ran down an alley and south to another Check. Where was the rest of the pack. Horn-E eventually found the trail around this school yard and directed everyone to shortcut to him and we headed south and eventually over to Clark heading south some more. We now had picked up Its Too Soft and Salty Gash at that last Check. As Horn-E was running south on Clark, someone yelled out about the Horn-E on the back of his shirt. He said his girlfriend was named Horn and I told him Horn-E was mine and ran on. This is important for later. Meanwhile we worked our way over to Lincoln Park and headed south along the lagoon towards Fullerton. Here was a Check, but Horn-E spotted the missing hounds, O’Shitty Runch and Pool Boy heading south so we followed. They weren’t On and had already Checked out east. But some of us went back east and then re-crossed Fullerton to find trail along the lagoon. We followed Just Chris and O’Shitty Runch into a big loop around the park and east towards the other lagoon and another loop before heading north. It was along here that we ran into W Jew 40, who finally caught us. We finally left the park at Diversey and a Check. We found this to the east and through an alley and then north, through some alleys and over to Broadway at Surf. At this point W Jew 40, Just Kennette, and Horn-E were running together. It was right after this we lost W Jew 40 and he never found the pack again. Meanwhile O’Shitty Runch, Just Chris and Pool Boy were long gone. We had a Check on Broadway and Horn-E led Just Kennette down an alley. All right, it wasn’t a bad thought. But there was trail and it led to the Diversey and Clark intersection and then west. Here we caught a short cut as Horn-E spotted the leaders ahead on Diversey and we skipped a loop. We then ran north and only a block from the finish. A block later was a short loop and then north on Halsted to another Split at Wellington. Just Kennette found this and as we headed across Halsted we were able to save Salty Gash and Its Too Soft from a short loop. We headed through this building and around Illinois Masonic Hospital. We did spot a mark near an entrance to a parking lot, but it looked straight. At the next entrance, we heard someone yelling from the parking lot to blow the horn and blowing their car horn. We couldn’t see who or what at first, but thinking beer stop, and then seeing some people in a car, we thought, maybe. So Horn-E blew his horn and the pack gathered around a car. Remember that guy on Clark street yelling about his girlfriend named Horn. This was him and her. False call. No beer. Damn. So Horn-E blew his horn for Horn and we were gone. But now we were off trail. Somehow someone found it past the main entrance of the hospital and Horn-E led Just Kennette and Pool Boy through a parking lot. But no one was on the other side. Hmmm. Thinking Its Too Soft’s roof for a beer stop, Horn-E led Just Kennette over there and down another alley. Hey, he’s thinking. If her name was only Sally. But no beer. So we headed north in a tightening loop and found the pack in a little park. All was good.
Back at the bar we found the missing W Jew 40 and three house puppies, Chicken Stifer, Poultry Fucker and Ginger Snatch. Had to leave before the circle so I don’t know what happened after that.

On On
Horn-E