The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Feb 27, 2011 by Horn-E
This trail was hared by Fistful Of Pricks and SnatchSquatch. Upon entering Horn-E saw SnatchSquatch and congratulated him on being the new CH3 GM. The huge pack slowly gathered. All right, not huge, but eager. Besides Horn-E there was Just Chris, Its Too Soft, Salty Gash, O’Shitty Runch, and a new hasher to the area, up at Fort Sheridan, Pool Job and a visitor from Washington D. C. Just Kennette. We were also joined by W Jew 40 on trail, late but well lubbed. Our first Check was a hundred feet away and Horn-E, Just Kennette and Just Chris were almost to the beer stop, backwards, before we turned back and found the rest of the pack gone, and no sweep. We ran down an alley and south to another Check. Where was the rest of the pack. Horn-E eventually found the trail around this school yard and directed everyone to shortcut to him and we headed south and eventually over to Clark heading south some more. We now had picked up Its Too Soft and Salty Gash at that last Check. As Horn-E was running south on Clark, someone yelled out about the Horn-E on the back of his shirt. He said his girlfriend was named Horn and I told him Horn-E was mine and ran on. This is important for later. Meanwhile we worked our way over to Lincoln Park and headed south along the lagoon towards Fullerton. Here was a Check, but Horn-E spotted the missing hounds, O’Shitty Runch and Pool Boy heading south so we followed. They weren’t On and had already Checked out east. But some of us went back east and then re-crossed Fullerton to find trail along the lagoon. We followed Just Chris and O’Shitty Runch into a big loop around the park and east towards the other lagoon and another loop before heading north. It was along here that we ran into W Jew 40, who finally caught us. We finally left the park at Diversey and a Check. We found this to the east and through an alley and then north, through some alleys and over to Broadway at Surf. At this point W Jew 40, Just Kennette, and Horn-E were running together. It was right after this we lost W Jew 40 and he never found the pack again. Meanwhile O’Shitty Runch, Just Chris and Pool Boy were long gone. We had a Check on Broadway and Horn-E led Just Kennette down an alley. All right, it wasn’t a bad thought. But there was trail and it led to the Diversey and Clark intersection and then west. Here we caught a short cut as Horn-E spotted the leaders ahead on Diversey and we skipped a loop. We then ran north and only a block from the finish. A block later was a short loop and then north on Halsted to another Split at Wellington. Just Kennette found this and as we headed across Halsted we were able to save Salty Gash and Its Too Soft from a short loop. We headed through this building and around Illinois Masonic Hospital. We did spot a mark near an entrance to a parking lot, but it looked straight. At the next entrance, we heard someone yelling from the parking lot to blow the horn and blowing their car horn. We couldn’t see who or what at first, but thinking beer stop, and then seeing some people in a car, we thought, maybe. So Horn-E blew his horn and the pack gathered around a car. Remember that guy on Clark street yelling about his girlfriend named Horn. This was him and her. False call. No beer. Damn. So Horn-E blew his horn for Horn and we were gone. But now we were off trail. Somehow someone found it past the main entrance of the hospital and Horn-E led Just Kennette and Pool Boy through a parking lot. But no one was on the other side. Hmmm. Thinking Its Too Soft’s roof for a beer stop, Horn-E led Just Kennette over there and down another alley. Hey, he’s thinking. If her name was only Sally. But no beer. So we headed north in a tightening loop and found the pack in a little park. All was good.
Back at the bar we found the missing W Jew 40 and three house puppies, Chicken Stifer, Poultry Fucker and Ginger Snatch. Had to leave before the circle so I don’t know what happened after that.