Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1548

Hash Trash: 6/9/08
Hares: Super Stuf�her, Mouthful of Meat, Just I Lean
Venue: Time Out Sports Bar
VIRGINS: Just Cynthia, Just Betsy, Just Karina
VISITORS: Footloose and Panty Free
HASHERS: One Penis Full, Zero to Sixty, Horn-e, Just John, Just Brett, Just Ray, Mount Schwiiinga, Milk My Yak, Just Angelle, More Tail, Risky Business, Lifa, Cumma Slutra, Hoosier Daddy, Just Amanda, Just Sooz, Just Amy, R-Tard-E, Chicken Stiffer, Mud Sucker, Bloody Thighs, Just Tim, Just Julia, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Cums on I Lean, Giddy Up, Its Too Soft, Carpet Shagger, I Like Dick, Bang Me, Blow Me, Get Me Off, Bag Squeezer, Just Alexis
VIRGINS= 3
VISITORS= 1
TOTAL HASHERS= 40

The afternoon began ominously with heavy rains at 2 pm but CALVIN our Religious Advisor (RA) made a deal with mother nature and got us great running weather at 7:30 pm. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT gave us instructions for the trail paying great attention to details so our virgins would know what to do on trail. Her only mis-step was she left out they were using red flour on trail but what the hell. JUST CYNTHIA, JUST BETSY, and JUST KARINA decided to try this hash thing for the first time and hopeful we will see them again next week. Mouthful finished with the chalk talk and pointed us to go north. The Pack was off and soon had traffic stopped at the corner of Rockwell and LeLand. LIFA and JUST JOHN looked to be leading the pack through the beautiful but puddle filled Ravenswood area. FOOTLOOSE and PANTY FREE was kind enough to show the GM which way the hares went, and they went NW across Lawrence. Again you couldn�t have asked for a better night to hash with the temps
only in the low 70�s all night. We had plenty of help on trail with hashers like BLOODY THIGHS, CALVIN, LIFA, and CHICKEN STIFFER marking trail for the slower hashers. The trail ran close to the house of JUST AMANDA and VIRGIN BANGER but then turned back south through Lincoln Square. JUST TIM was leading the pack and the hares tried to be funny by laying a circle jerk but most of the back of the pack caught it and ran straight down the alley instead of wasting their energy. The pack found trail going thru Welles Park across from O�Lanagans, a great hasher bar, in the past. The Check here was a little confusing but MORE TAIL along with others figured it out. HORN-E was pointing people to run south but ran west himself down Montrose? Later we caught up with him on trail talking to Ex-GM MUDSUCKER. The next check was on Irving Park near the River and our good Friend BAG SQUEEZER found trail going west on the south side of Irving Park but it eventually crossed back over
and went to the corner of Kimball and ADDISON. Here the hares were lucky because there was a drinking fountain on trail that the pack used. The pack had a choice of an eagle-turkey split here and JUST ALEXIS and JUST CYNTHIA went on the eagle trail with no hesitation. I believe JUST JULIA, BAG SQUEEZER, and CUMMA SLUTRA went right with them on the longer trail. MUDSUCKER, JUST ANGELLE, RISKY BUSINESS, and some others ran thru the park doing the turkey trail. I waited around for Calvin and we did the Eagle trail after I marked the Turkey split as the ON-ON trail for our walkers. CALVIN and I caught up with HOOSIER DADDY on the other side of the park and along with JUST ANGELLE we ran into the beer stop at Sunnyside Park?
The Park was full of mosquitoes and they seemed to be having a field day on JUST BETSY because she kept hitting herself again and again. JUST AMY enjoyed the fine can of Schlitz she found in the cooler while most got stuck with a fine beer from the Czech Republic called Budweiser. We finished our beers and meandered back to the bar 4 blocks away. Back at the bar we had to wait for a couple of locals to finish pool and then beg to get the music turned down but eventually we got the circle going. MANY THANKS GOES TO CUMS ON I LEAN for dealing with the bartender who was not a pleasant person tonight even though the hares got the ok from the bar owner to use his bar. CALVIN got the circle running and preceded to handout out down-downs for FRB�s, DFL�s, and RE-boots. WE got BANG ME, BLOW ME, GET ME OFF, Mount Schwiinga, CARPET SHAGGER, and ITS TO SOFT for not even running trail. JUST TIM was accused of farting on trail in front of CUMMA SLUTRA and was nailed for it or was
CUMMA SLUTRA nailed? JUST ALEXIS seemed to be using technology on trail but come on she�s an urologist and has to be on call in case someone�s inflates blow! I LIKE DICK even decided to make it to the ON-IN after work and boy did the group miss DICK and he even got his 3.2 down-downs. GIDDY UP announced that the CH3 hash is next week MONDAY JUNE 16 at Lotties in the BUCK TOWN neighborhood. JUST SOOZ and JUST AMY were making merry in the corner and it was nice for JUST SOOZ to make this her second hash in 6 months? CALVIN finally ended this circle of death and many hashers went their own ways. The hash did get together to perform a couple of namings tonight. JUST TIM who we tried to name last week was honored with the name of �CROP DUSTER� for his flatulence on trail. JUST ANGELLE was given the �INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN� because every overseas hash she goes to she claimed she was just a virgin. See you next week and plan for the 30th ANNIVERSARY on JUNE 23, 2008!!!

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

CH3 #1548

Chicago Hash #1548 – 6.9.08 @ Time Out Sports Bar

Hare(s): Super Stuff’her & Mouthful of Meat
Venue: Time Out Sports Bar – 4641 N Rockwell
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite OMG the Cubs having the best record in baseball since the First Roosevelt Administration (1908)! Live long enough you’ll see everything and possibly something else too. I predict a Cubs World Series victory in October 5046. You heard it here first.

Come join Super Stuff’her (and Mouthful of Meat) as he celebrates his 12th birthday in Hash out in the mythical land of dragons & unicorns abd where the Brown Line runs on the GROUND!

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, Briown Line to Rockwell, bar is like Party Central, i.e. right next to the Brown Line Station at Rockwell & Eastwood.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jefferson Park, Lawrence #81 bus East to Rockwell, hoff it 1-1/2 blocks South to Eastwood & Rockwell.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Eastwood & Rockwell. Parking is fairly plentiful this far outside of the Green Zone, just not on the L tracks, please. There is just something juar so wrong about da L being on da ground!

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1547

It’s Naughty-cal!

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times

Hashed the 2nd of June 2008 , 7:30PM ( 8:30 Eastern)
The Weather Mark

CHICAGO #1547 – Get ready to put on your big yellow rubbers including those funny hats because we’re hashing out of a Sox and Seamen themed bar. On second thought with the way the heat has been lately it’s very likely that you may overheat, pass out, and then require rescue breathing from MR. CHEESECAKE. Okay so put on those running shoes, wrap up your broken metacarpals, and make sure you are wearing pants because it’s time to scare the local South Loop population.

It’s not every hash that we get to follow trail out of South Loop (Not SoLo…I mean seriously, I don’t know who thinks it’s cool to call it SoLo, but enough is enough) and as such this was quite a treat for those that arrived. After much discussion, THE ENEMA CANAL and MAGNETIC MUFF decided to lead the pack on a scenic route through Museum Park as opposed to the scenic run around the 1st District Police HQ. Meanwhile, IT’S TOO SOFT was contemplating if he should get another Snickers bar from the vending machine. Anticipating multiple FRBs, the hares went a little crazy with Checks, Falses, and Splits all around the area.

After a grueling hour and half of laying trail, the hares returned to see that HOOSIER DADDY and JUST BRETT had arrived along with others. EZ ON THE ASS was there which meant that there was probably nobody watching any of the prisoners (I don’t think that is in Jody Weis’s plan). Cuming up on 9:30PM Nova Scotia time, we started heading out for the traditional chalk talk. Virgins JUST ALEXIS, JUST AMY, and JUST JESSICA were brought forward so they could get a look at the marks which they’ll likely ignore anyways. We then went around the circle calling out our names to no-one in general and then took off towards the safety of the North. Some of the group must have seen the wild look in the hares’ eyes as STUPID MAN (Not so stupid now, huh?), STAB’EM AND SLAB’EM, and CUMS ON I LEAN decided to stay back at the bar after the introductions. MAGNETIC MUFF swept the trail while THE ENEMA CANAL readied the Beer Stop.

JUST I LEAN and the easily distracted R-TARD-E were the first to come upon the first False which came off a split in the first 5 minutes of the run. Then within the first 10 minutes of the run, the pack came upon their first Turkey/Eagle Split which some completed and others like JUST JULIA decided to ignore (cum to think about it, who gave her authorization to modify her hash uniform and ignore current regulations?). For those that didn’t run it, the Eagle trail was 20 feet longer than the 230 foot long Turkey . IT’S TOO SOFT was trying to see if he could break through that porno firewall that the IT guys put in last week; he was unsuccessful and called it a day. The trail then took everyone closer towards 11th street and then on over towards the lake as they encountered the second Turkey/Eagle Split.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and HOOSIER DADDY opted to take the lakeside Eagle route so that they could pretend to be normal runners as they went around the Shedd Aquarium. JUST I LEAN was close behind and almost broke his other metacarpals as he scaled the blocks at the end of the Eagle, while CHICKEN STIFFER was being tripped and mugged behind the Shedd. At about this time ITS TOO SOFT was getting into his car and started to head down towards the “Green Zone” and STUPID MAN was ordering another beer (he wasn’t winded either). As the pack rejoined, they started heading through the Police Memorial Path and then past Soldier Field. CHICKEN was leading the way towards the McCormick Place and was first up the back entrance (or side entrance). From his vantage point, ENEMA spotted 867-5309 hopping up and down with her hands raised in victory like Rocky when she reached the top of the McCormick Place .

At about this time the pack worked their way up to the land bridge between the two sides of the McCormick. JUST JESSICA and CUMA SLUTRA were looking at the last split and debated trying the non-conspicuous door which opened when they tried it. HORN-E quickly spun around and followed the rest of the pack through the McCormick. So what did they see in there? Well apparently someone was working late on their laptop and looked up to see the kennel run by, which perplexed him to no end, along with the cleaning crews. As for the infamous security, they were just as dumbfounded as they stood outside of the Hyatt entrance only to see more than 20 people run by them. IT’S TOO SOFT was, on the other hand, dumbfounded by the lady on the cell phone that just forcibly merged into his lane only to stop at the light while it was still yellow. He was so dumbfounded that he wanted to take his Oscar Mayer whistle and plug it up her tailpipe.

Clearing the McCormick, JUST JULIA was the first to discover the Beer Stop. Secluded, out-of-the way, and with cars covered in cement (just splashes, not completely) the Beer Stop featured Old Style and Bud Light. As STAB’EM AND SLAB’EM said “We walked half a mile from a bar with good beer for Old Style! Oh Boy!” While some claim that she was being sarcastic, I know that she really was having trouble expressing her feelings of joy. Sort of like IT’S TOO SOFT was having trouble expressing his feelings through his middle finger to the rest of the Lincoln Park traffic. Instead of taking the 18th Street Walkway, JUST JOAN became our DFL for the Beer Stop.

So, fast forward to the On-In. With the absence of CALVIN KLEIN, ENEMA would have to RA tonight (butterflys, or is it barflys?). While his skills could still use a bit of polish, he was able to make to the end and hit all of the important points.

FRB? Check. FBIs? Check. Announcements? Check. Re-Boots? Check. Virgins? What is your name? Where are you from? Who made you cum? What’s your favorite farm animal? (Did JUST ALEXIS say Crocodile? And did JUST AMY say “Sheep are always good?” Oh, well.) “SIR POOP A LOT will you demonstrate (like you have a choice)?” Thank You. Get out of my circle. DFL? Check. NRBs? Check. IT’s TOO SOFT here? Check. “Okay, vessels on the ground…Men’s version…Women’s version…May the hash go in peace!”

But it wasn’t over, it was time for a naming. 2 Hashers entered for naming (JUST TIM and JUST STEVE) but only one left with a name. And so JUST STEVE was renamed to ICE PRINCESS with the runner up of “Men Only” which was in reference to some sort of bathroom thing (I don’t know). Afterwords, somehow ENEMA, ICE PRINCESS, and CUMA SLUTRA go on to the subject of…kittens…yeah that’s it they were talking about “kittens.” If you don’t believe me just ask BATTERIES.

HARES (Dos!): Magnetic Muff and The Enema Canal
VIRGINS (Tres!): Just Alexis, Just Amy, Just Jessica
HASHER (Catorce!…um 23): Just Brett, Moldy Man Sac, 867-5309, R-Tard-E, Sir Poops A Lot, Just Tim, Just Julia, Batteries Not Included, Just Amanda, Cuma Slutra, Its Too Soft, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Mudsucker, Ice Princess (formerly Just Steve) , EZ on the Ass, Mr. Cheesecake, Cums On I Lean, Just I Lean, Just Joan, Horn-E, Chicken Stiffer, and Hoosier Daddy,

TOTAL: 2 Hares and 26 Hashers (or 13 Hashers per Hare)

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1546

20, 20, 24 Hours To Go (202024 hours = 23 years)

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times

Hashed 25 May 2008, 2:17 PM
Chalet von Virgin Banger und Renta Virgin

Come and visit beautiful Lincoln Square in the spring (before it turns into winter), site of the famous Claddagh Ring (now offering Wi-Fi and Guinness at 2306 W. Foster)! This is your starting point for a lovely day that includes fierce competition, light drinking, and of course gentle romping in the grass.

Your day will start off as you and any virgins you bring along will arrive as early as you can for a chance to own one of the highly coveted technical hash t-shirts (limited to the first 30 to show up and pay). With this technical gear, not only will you become an FRB but you will be able to look as good as the hares RENTA VIRGIN, VIRGIN BANGER, and SMELL THIS. Just ask WRAPPER SNATCHER and THE PORCELAIN GOD as they camped out in front of the Claddagh Ring a whole 45 minutes before the On-Out. But remember, it�s not unusual for supplies to run out as early as 1:47 PM.

As the time nears for our 4th annual game of Hide and Go Fu�uh…Seek, you�ll meet old friends such as BANG ME, BLOW ME, GET ME OFF and 3 X A LADY as well as new friends like Cubbies supporter JUST ED and SALTY GASH�s brother SAVORY GASH (okay, okay, his name is JUST JOHN). So anyways you get to meet people. If you are a longtime hasher you get to meet people you already know, if you�re a virgin hopefully you don�t recognize anybody you work with.

To ensure that your journey is started off in a nice and organized manner, our Hospitality Hares will provide a brief lecture explaining the different types of Hash Marks that you will likely miss without a trained eye. To help contrast with the light grey sidewalk, we�ll use chalk colours (oooh fancy, the Brits use a �U� with color) like pink, white, and gray. If you�re a virgin like JUST MIN� then just follow HORN-E and the sound of his horn as he leads you somewhere. R-TARD-E will also ensure you get to your destination eventually unless he confuses JUST I LEAN with JUST EILEEN.

Your first destination on your journey will take you around the lovely neighborhoods where you have the option to run through a soccer game. Numerous checks will slow down the FRBs and provide CUNT-N-PASTIES the chance to trip THE ENEMA CANAL, who will barely recover at the last moment. Don�t think that tripping is unacceptable, because it�s not, and neither is running back and forth in the park looking for true trail like DICKENS CIDER. But it will all be worth it as you arrive at the Casa de NO PENETRATION where the first 50 hashers will receive a frosty, aluminum wrapped beverage. But make sure you go to the right place because the other house may be hash friendly and ask �Are you coming in?� but they don�t carry American beer.

From the first Beer Stop we�ll head to the House of BLOODY THIGHS. Along the way you may see ROTTEN WHORE using here phone on trail for some sort of emergency. You can also expect ENEMA to disappear off trail to get sprayed down by perplexed gardeners, leaving DICKENS CIDER to FBI the way in. Once you arrive, pick your teams quickly or you might lose to EZ ON THE ASS�s team which is on a winning streak. The key to Izzy Dizzy is to make sure you don�t hurt yourself when you fall like BAGSQUEEZER. But if you hurt yourself, grab BLOODY THIGHS�s 10 year old frozen peas and wrap them around your hand like JUST I LEAN before you head to the final Beer Stop.

At the final Beer Stop you�ll meet up with JUST STEVE, JUST CRYSTAL, CALVIN KLEIN, and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED who will direct you to a lovely game of �Duck, Duck, Goose.� The key is to remember that when you tag your Goose make sure they are slower than you and make sure you have checked the tread on your hashing shoes, you don�t want to slip like JUST JODY. Also it helps to remember where the Goose sat because you don�t want to end up in the middle because you sat in the wrong spot like RENTA VIRGIN and ODOR EATER. Unfortunately, there won�t be a winner as we�ll have to leave early for the On-In.

And when your journey is finally complete, you can expect some fine dining choices from our executive chefs PETERBILT and CALVIN KLEIN (both AAA 4-Diamond chefs, they actually trained Charlie Trotter). After LIFA dons the Cone of Silence he will inevitably harass everyone until they pour beer down his cone. ALCOHOLIDAY will sing �24 Hours I Masturbated� while encouraging people to take a hit from the Flabongo. BRRR from Austin will show that the top of her head is a good place to set down your beer (HMMM) by balancing a sippy cup of beer. Speaking of sippy cups, we like babies but keep them away from the pitchers or we may crush them during Izzy Dizzy (NOTE: SQUEEZE THESE and SPECKIE have confirmed the children are forever traumatized).

So whether you�d rather cum for PETERBILT and CALVIN�s food, or play Flippy Cup with PRINCESS LABIA and MAGNETIC MUFF, or lay on top of other hashers like JUST TIM and THE GREAT LOCKNESS COCKSTER did, cum on out to Californ�er�Lincoln Square. We�d love to have you out here so you can look through the cupboards and in the oven like ENEMA and DONKEY PUNCH did or just relax playing bags like ASSFLAC and TOO MUCH HEAD. If your lucky you can be a sibling for newly adopted BANG ME, BLOW ME, GET ME OFF. So book your ticket today and we’ll keep the Goose Island chilled for ya.

HARES (5): Renta Virgin, Smell This, Virgin Banger, Peterbilt, Calvin Klein,
VIRGINS (6): Just John, Just Brett, Just Tony, Just Eileen, Just Krystal, Just Min�
VISITORS (4): Flag No Pole (Aloha H3), Alcoholiday (Vegas), BRRR (Austin, Texas), Donkey Punch (Indyscent)
HASHERS (59): Two Tickets to a Pair of Thighs; The Great Lockness Cockster; Its Too Soft; Chicken Stiffer; Horn-E; Bag Squeezer; Lower Whackoff; Just Jody; Cuma Slutra; Necropiliac; 867-5309; Too Much Head; Wrapper Snatcher; The Porecelain God; Just Ed; Special Head; The Enema Canal; UpLoader; Stump Humper; Salty Gash; Johnny Cockring; Foot-n-Mouth; Princess Labia; EZ on the Ass; Lifa; Cunt-n-Pasties, Flying Hooters; Bloody Thighs; Likes it on the Bottom; Bank of Spermamerica; R-Tard-E; Takes too long too Cum; Rotten Whore; Odor Eater; Hoosier Daddy; Dickens Cider; 3 x a Lady, Just Steve; W�all Bangher; Batteries not Included; Squeeze These; Speckie; Packher Ass; Cums on I Lean; Just I Lean; Hot Pants; The KGB; Ram Van Thank You Ma�am; Man-o-Whore; Or-G; Asspocket; Just Mark; Just Julia; Just Tim; Bang Me, Blow Me, Get Me Off; Magnetic Muff, Assflac
OTHER NOTEABLES: No Penetration (beer stop 1) and I have no idea who just walked or showed up late.

TOTAL: 69 and 5 hares if we split them. 75 with No Penetration.

Memorial Day 2008

Chicago #1546 Sunday May 25, 2pm A-B Starting @ Claddagh Ring 4th Annual Memorial Day Hash
Published by itstoosoft on January 27, 2008 in all events & runs and chicago hash runs.

Hare(s): Virgin Banger, Smell This, Calvin Klein, Peterbilt, and Rent a Virgin
Venue: Claddagh Ring – 2306 W. Foster (Western Brown Line Stop) 773-271-5551
BA
Hash Cash: $15 this will get you great food and lots of Beer Maybe a t-shirt??

View Larger Map

A –B run. The B will be at CASA DE VIRGIN BANGER and RENTA VIRGIN

This classic kickoff to the Summer hashing season drew over 70 hashers last year!

Hash Hotels:
Days Inn Lincoln Park (~$100/night)
Arlington House (~$50/60/night)

Also a few hashers have offered up some Crash space so lease e-mail me if you wish to go this route http://www.megabus.com/us/ For visitors who wish to travel for cheap.

Chicken Stiffer

CH3-GM

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western. Hoof it a few blocks North to Foster and East to Oakley and the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western. CTA #49 bus North to Foster, hoof it a couple blocks East to Oakley and the bar.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie whist increasing your already substantial carbon footprint and cruise to Foster & Oakley. Meters on Foster may be open as it’s Sunday, otherwise check side streets for Zone permit restrictions.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1545

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times

Hashed 19 May 2008, 7:30 PM
Double Bubble at 6036 N. Broadway

CHICAGO #1545 � �Ummm, this is a little different than I�m used to. The Brown line isn�t this�creepy,� said MOUTHFUL OF MEAT as she was heading to the Double Bubble in Uptown. This phrase would foreshadow the idiocy to follow.

Upon learning that the hares for this hash were none other than SUPER STUF�HER, JUST I LEAN, and R-TARD-E; many of the hashers were frightened off as was evident by the high number of JUSTs that showed up. JUST JULIA, JUST SCOTT, JUST SHEDI, JUST JOHN, JUST ANGELLE, and JUST TIFFANY were some of our less frequent JUSTs. Rounding out the JUSTs was JUST TIM and JUST AMANDA (holy crap! We have enough to start up a JUST HHH or a bowling league!)

Apparently R-TARD-E fame has yet to leave the general Chicago area, as we also had three foolish visitors that showed up. MASTERCHUGGER came all the way from Houston along with PIPES who is originally from the Hamersly HHH (I believe it�s a Houston suburb) and finally was CREAMIN AND SCREAMIN from Waukesha. Of the three of them, only PIPES showed enough sense to stay at the Double Bubble and drink while the others ran the trail.

As the �Running of the Hares� approached, R-TARD-E attempted to give his Chalk Talk lecture. Due to the high amount of confusion, CHICKEN STIFFER was forced to step up and act as our R-TARD-ese (or is it R-TARD-ish?) translator. Even with this translation it was evident that our virgin, JUST TIFFANY, may become completely lost even with R-TARD-E sweeping.

Thankfully, we had enough hash veterans that could lead all of our JUSTs to the Beer Stop and then the On-In (we hope). With the introductions complete, we set off heading away from downtown. It wasn�t long until we had discovered that this would definitely be a�what�s the word I�m looking for�hmmm�Oh! That�s it!…A �Shitty� (NOTE: Finger quotes necessary) trail! The 3rd mark we encountered was scratched out because it pointed back to the bar!

For those that weren�t there and those looking to hare, now is the time for �Good Idea, Bad Idea.� Good Idea: pre-laying the trail so you don�t have to worry about running your trail before the On-Out. Bad Idea: pre-laying the trail 2 days before the hash! Yes, the hares laid the trail a whole 2 days before.

So, back to the trail. Ahem�So after the 3rd mark we found ourselves running some very long straight-aways which could only mean that the Hares had a special destination for us. JUST TIM, JUST JOHN, and CALVIN KLEIN led the pack most of the way until we started getting into more residential areas that would soon split up the pack. As normal, HORN-E started searching for trail off-trail while CHICKEN did the same. The bimbos were also being competitive that day with MORE TAIL and JUST AMANDA fighting for the pole position.

Most of the Checks and Splits that were left for the pack to run were solved almost immediately by the FRBs with the exception of one, allowing MAGENTIC MUFF and MUDSUCKER to catch up. THE ENEMA CANAL headed west to find trail only to give up and head back to the Check. Upon seeing him I LIKE DICK, with his headphones on and hands in his pocket, be-bopped past ENEMA and asked �So, did you find it?�

3X A LADY was able to pick up the trail and the pack slowly made its way toward the ocean�err�Lake Michigan. Due to rising prices worldwide, the hares were unable to purchase flour for trail (mostly attributed to the food riots at the Aldi on N. Broadway). As such, the trail took us through Hartigan Park where STUF�HER and I LEAN marked every rock they could with chalk. It was also at this park that JUST TIM was caught being chivalrous, allowing a harriette to pass through a gate ahead of him.

After clearing the park, we found ourselves ignoring the Splits that pointed at walls and fences. No-one was planning to climb fences around Loyola with Campus Police patrolling. Bouncing from boulder to boulder JUST JOHN and 3 X A LADY discovered the Beer Stop. Soon everyone arrived with MAGNETIC MUFF taking the last 70� Budweiser, forcing HORN-E and SIR POOPS A LOT to choke down 98.6� Bud Lights. The real surprise was the arrival of CHIPPENDALE, whom arrived last to become our DFL, although he blames the sweeping hare for poor sweepery.

With the warm beer vanquished we headed back to the On-In to meet up with IT�s TOO SOFT and JUST JOAN. With the crowd all gathered CALVIN introduced his RA-in-Training, THE ENEMA CANAL. Unfortunately, with his recent accomplishment of being the FRB, as well as yelling �I LIKE DICK� in a gay bar at Indy Prom Dress; ENEMA dragged CALVIN into a couple of Down-Downs. Fueled with $5 beer pitchers the RA�s struck back.

FBIs CREAMIN AND SCREAMIN and CUMS ON I LEAN were brought in to drink for crime of competiveness. Afterwards MORE TAIL was called out for stripping on trail while JUST TIM was called out for his chivalry. CHICKEN STIFFER was cited for his poor translation of R-TARD-ish, neglecting to tell us of the Turkey and Eagle trails. The bartender was not immune, as he was forced to drink a Down-Down. PETERBILT demonstrated the fastest (and sloppiest) Down-Down to date for our virgin. We all said our farewells to CHIPPENDALE who will willingly(?) welcome us to visit him in Denver (where the shorts go even higher). To celebrate or mourn her birthday, we sang the Birthday Dirge for BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. But of course, the most important task to fulfill was to help raise the average number of down-downs for I LIKE DICK�s spreadsheet.

�What can I say? CALVIN hates me. I do more Down-Downs than anyone else. I do 3.15 Down-Downs per hash. I�ve got a spreadsheet.� Well, that number has gone up.

HARE (3) � Just I Lean, Super Stuf�her and R-Tard-E

VISITOR (3) � Master Chugger from Houston HHH, Pipes from Hamersley HHH, Creamin and Screamin from Waukesha HHH(sucks!)

VIRGIN (1) � Just Tiffany

THE PACK (23) � Horn-E, The Enema Canal, Calvin Klein, Just Amanda, Milk My Yak, Just Tim, Sir Poops A Lot, Mouthful of Meat, Cums On I Lean, Just Scott, Just Julia, Just Shedi, Just John, 3x A Lady, Mudsucker, Anal Assault, More Tail, Magnetic Muff, Virgin Banger, I Like Dick, Chippendale, Chicken Stiffer & Just Angelle

AT THE BAR (5) � It�s Too Soft, Just Joan, Batteries Not Included & Peterbilt, Soar Balls,

TOTAL � 35