Author: Snatch Squatch

CH3 #1644

Chicago Hash #1644 Sunday 1/31, 2pm @ Cardinal Wine & Spirits Bar

Hare(s): Glory Hole
Venue: Cardinal Wine & Spirits Bar – 4905 N. Lincoln Ave (@ Ainslie)
Hash Cash: $8

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, North on Western to Lincoln and then 1/2 block up Lincoln to the bar/liquor store.

From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jefferson Park, #81 Lawrence bus East to Western, North on Western to Lincoln and then 1/2 block up Lincoln to the bar/liquor store.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Lincoln & Ainslie, parking is better West of Lincoln in the neighborhood.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1690

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 24 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

We hashed out of the corner Bar and our hares were Cumma Slutra and her sister, a virgin, introduced as My Sister Michelle. We had a pack of nine at the start and Rotton Whore was on her phone trying to give directions to a late coming visitor, Areola Borealis from Washington. They stood in the middle of the street three blocks away waving at each other. So it was a pack of ten, including two new comers Just Anna and Just Dana, and two visitors, Areola Borealis and Ass Ripper from Lansing and only six local hounds. We were off to the south and west and a bit of a loop and then to a Split going west and north. We couldn’t find this one for a while until Horn-E found a mark in an alley to the south. Huh. This led to a Split and Horn-E went wrong and over to Armitage. Running west he found a mark pointing east. Oooops. It was off of a Check and Horn-E checked it out and was way off course when trail was found to the east. Encountering Lifa along the way, they headed east and into an alley. Horn-E ended up way off course but finally caught the pack in an alley after a Split. We had another Check back on Armitage and Horn-E, 10K Tika Ho and Ass Ripper checked west. Meanwhile Lifa headed north. Glory Hole was seen to the far east. Not getting anywhere, I headed north to an alley and to the east I saw SnatchSquatch sprinting north. SnatchSquatch doesn’t sprint often and must have been on. SnatchSquatch was in pursuit of Lifa and Horn-E eventually caught SnatchSquatch as he was climbing a high fence. Soon he and Lifa were On heading west on Webster under the Kennedy Expressway. That underpass smelled worse then a Ghetto Hi-rise elevator. Hell, it was worse then the house of a woman with forty-seven cats and one overflowing litter box. Maybe even forty eight cats. We followed Lifa to past Elston to a Back Check 10. Lifa and Glory Hole finally led us to the north and through some gangway and finally to another underpass. I was really worried here, but Fullerton wasn’t to bad. At this point, Glory Hole was way ahead, followed by Lifa, Just Dana and Just Anna. All on the north side of Fullerton. Horn-E was trailing on the south side. Did you ever get to that point where you’ve had it. Horn-E did and started to walk. Getting to the corner of Western he could see the leaders heading further north and that was it. Horn-E headed south. A block later he saw Glory Hole on the west side of Western indicating he was at a Check. So. Horn-E was heading back and went this way from the bus and new were the beer stop was. He walked on and soon saw Cumma Slutra and My Sister Michelle sitting in this park. With beer. Lifa yelled to Glory Hole, “Are you going to let that old man beat you.” So he sprinted in and just barely beat Horn-E to the beer. And soon the whole pack arrived and we sat there in the nice warm weather until the rains came.
Back at the bar, Lifa got the beer going and SnatchSquatch led circle. Another shitty circle, but we got the hares, many times, virgin My Sister Michelle, visitors, Areola Borealis and Ass Ripper, new comers Just Dana and Just Anna and eventually we ended circle and just enjoyed beer On and On and On. Its Too Soft arrived late again.

On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1643

Jan. 24, 2010

Chicago Hash #7,347,732
VENUE: Joe’s on Weed

HARES: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included
VIRGINS: Just Suetfei
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Cindy, Odor Eater, Chicken Stiffer, Poultry Fucker, Horn-e, Snatchsquatch, UpLoader, Dickens Cider, Happy Ass Grabber, Hoosier Daddy, Menage A Twat, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Half-Fag, Crop Duster, Do Me Slowly, KGB, More Tail, Just Allyson, Glory Hole, Soul Taco, Tinkle Trotsky, One-Handed Typist, Lifa, Just Corey, Asscapade, Fistful of Pricks, Magnetic Muff, Just Becky, Salty Gash

TOTAL HASHERS – 33

This hash was billed as the Calvin B-day hash and 33 hashers showed up to celebrate Calvin’s 21st birthday, Happy Birthday man. Batteries and Calvin picked a great venue for this run today with $3.75 pitchers of Coors Lite and a private room in the back for the football viewing and auction. The CH3 hash raised $250 on Sunday for the Haiti relief fund nice job donators and donatees!!! What a job by our own Calvin Klein playing the part of the auctioneer!!! I think he might find a job working at Christie’s on the weekend.
Calvin said the trail was shorter than usually, meaning it was not the usually 5+ mile Calvin trail. We did our little chalk talk out front and informed JUST SUETFEI what the marks meant on trial and away we went on trial # 7,567,234? We seem to have skipped a few numbers from last week? The pack took off West and then South down Kingsbury and past the new giant Whole Foods conveniently located across the street from a strip bar. GLORY HOLE led the pack at this point with our virgin leading with him. The pack kept running in a Southeast direction towards the Cabrini-Green projects. Did Calvin run us thru the projects? There was a check on Division and Halsted with two marks running that way but HALF-FAG found the true over the bridge and onto Goose Island. LIFA the latecomer caught up to us by now and started to make a move towards the front of the pack. JUST ALLYSON, DICKENS CIDER, and UPLOADER took the pack thru the winding industrial park but CHICKEN STIFFER found some kind of trial leading toward the railway bridge of the Chicago River branch by North Avenue This bridge has been used many times in trails past, with the 1500th hash being the most memorable when we had to carry LAZY ASS from the Big-Hump over the bridge because he’s in a wheel chair!! . Bringing up the rear at this point were hashers like ITS TOO SOFT, SNATCHSQUATCH and MORE TAIL (where has she been?) MEANGE-A-TWAT used a short cut provided by the hare to shortcut to this point in the trail crossing North Avenue. Trail from here went North on the railroad tracks and then east past the now defunct Sam’s Liquor Warehouse to a check. DICKENS CIDER went North and CHICKEN east she found true trail but he found trail directly east of Clybourn and short cut about ¼ mile from the trail.
The trail ran south on Clybourn and then ran through Crate and Barrel parking lot to end up back at the bar with CHICKEN STIFFER the FRB and UPLOADER and DICKENS CIDER close behind. ICE PRINCESS pulled up at the CVS to buy smokes and KGB again had to stop and deliver a baby on trail this seems to be an every hash occurrence for him. There was no beer stop on trial and the hash got back to the bar to enjoy the cheap pitchers and order food. HALF-FAG ran our circle today using some square cushions to stand-on. SNATCHSQUATCH stood on one and the cushion seemed to shrink by 5 inches afterwards!!! CALVIN was given his birthday down-down and the hares drank continuously throughout the night. Many hashers showed up late like TINKLE TROTSKY or SALTY GASH but we love them just the same. HAPPY ASS GRABBER and HOOSIER DADDY drank for no hash attire and we gave R-TARD-E a down-down for being DFL?? But wait he was in Florida WTF??? HALF-FAG ended the circle and we soon got the auction going. DO I hear $3? The bidding was fast and furious with an AXIS of EVIL shirt with the now defunct MASTERS HASH on it going for $16 I believe!!! CROP DUSTER seemed to be bidding for many of the awesome shirts donated by fellow hashers. The shirt of the night went to ODOR EATER with a big COCK on the front from the Mardi Gras Hash saying ROCK AROUND THE C (L) OCK!!! The auction was interrupted with a pizza and wing order for the hash and then we got right back to it. FISTFUL OF PRICKS was a little distracted from her New Orleans game but it was for a good cause for today, $250 for Haitian relief not bad. Hopefully we will see you next week and nice turn out with 33 hashers showing up to run and donate to a worthy cause!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER-CH3 GM

CH3 #1643

Chicago Hash #1643 Sunday 1/24, 2pm @ Joe’s on Weed – Calvin Klein Birthday Hash

Hare(s): Calvin Klein & Batteries Not Included
Venue: Joe’s Bar – 940 W Weed St.
Hash Cash: $8

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to North Clyborn, hoof it two blocks West to Fremont, a block South to Weed and a 1/2 block West to the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, hoof it a 1/2 block North to the North Ave #72 bus which runs about every 10 minutes that time of the day on Sundays to Sheffield, hoof it 1 block South on Sheffield to Weed and East on Weed to da bar.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled whilst contributing to ongoing polar bear habitat decline as the Arctic ice sheets melt away and cruise to Weed St. between Sheffield & Fremont. Parking is usually kinda scarce on Weed by da bar but can usually be found to the South in the ‘hood like on Blackhawk or Eastman st.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1642

Chicago Hash Tale of the Trail
1/17/10
Two Way Lounge

Hares: LIFA and SNATCHSQUATCH

Virgins: Just Tammy, Just George
Visitor: Tranny e Cock-Kicker Cedar Falls Hash

Hashers: Soul Taco, Its too Soft, Fistful of Pricks, Poultry Fucker, Just Kelsey, Half-Fag, Ice Princess, Hoosier Daddy, Horn-e, Dark side of the Pun, Cornstar, Asscapade, Chicken Stiffer, Just Amber

Total hashers- 20

This hash used a bar that long ago, I believe, a hasher named DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR put a check at the front door at the Fullerton entrance and the trail went thru the bar. Today SNATCHSQUATCH and LIFA just had it as the on-in but it did bring back found memories of CHICKEN’s first couple of hashes in 2004. The two hares started with their chalk talk and hashers came out of the wood work. ITS TOO SOFT was dropped off by his mom, JUST RITA. ASSCAPADE showed up with DARK SIDE of the PUN?? Do these people own clocks, cell phones, sun dials??? We run at 2:30 pm every week you slackers.
The chalk talk was done and off we went west on Fullerton quickly taking a turn North with ICE PRINCESS and HALF-FAG in the lead. Soon we all got stopped at check just south Logan Boulevard. I think the pack found a short cut North and Horn-e was off and running back and forth along the Logan Boulevard. DARK SIDE OF THE PUN and I just decided to run directly across the street and we found trail cutting of about 4 blocks of running back and forth. We recrossed Logan and ran thru an alley and Boom a split. This split though pointed two directions and one choice ran out onto Milwaukee Ave. and into a mark but this mark was off a check so it screwed up and split the pack. I think the new pack leader was ICE PRINCESS and HALF FAG. I eventually got back to the check the hares wanted us to find and found CORNSTAR and POULTRY find marks in Logan Square that were left over from the New Years Hash? so not only was the pack confused about the bad split but stray marks from a previous hash. We soon caught up the LIFA the hare sweeping from the front of the pack and dragged TRANNY COCK KICKER along with us on the true trail. The FRB’s were no where to bee seen or more importantly heard. We wound our ways behind churches and things finally ending up running straight east thru Palmer Square till it dead ended at a church.
The pack I guess caught the FRB’s and found trail running south to Armitage turning east again where the was the beer stop. Here we picked up FISTFUL OF PRICKS and SOUL TACO on trail. They were hoarding all the cans of Pabst they could find, and HORN-E was busy trying to recruit the two to lay trail for his moon hash on Monday because it was MLK day? That’s just wrong in so many ways!! Our two virgins JUST GEORGE and JUST TAMMY were happy to be part of the hash today and we had perfect running conditions today? We finished our beers and wandered the Taco Palace heaven back to the bar. (there must have been at least 5-6 Taquieras with in two blocks of the bar. In fact FISTY went out and brought in Mexican food after the circle making us all hungry. Back at the bar we ran into HOOSIER DADDY and JUST AMBER. I was slightly amazed that at such a dive bar pitchers were still $7 a pop but were a rich hash now. See MM notes to get that joke. HALF-FAG ran circle and seems to be filling that role well after taking over from CALVIN KLEIN. Numerous punishments were handed out and the beer flowed with out stopping. The bar even surprised me by lowering the muzac sound and giving us two free pitchers, of beer that is!!!! Well next week we will celebrate the B-day of CALVIN KLEIN and $ 3.75 pitchers of Coor Lite and Joe’s Bar. See you all next week

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1642

Chicago Hash #1642 Sunday 1/17, 2pm @ Two Way Lounge

Hare(s): Snatchsquatch
Venue: Two-Way Lounge – 2928 W Fullerton (@ Milwaukee)
Hash Cash: $8

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, Fullerton #74 bus West to Milwaukee Ave.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to California and hoof it a couplea blocks Northwest to Fullerton.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Fullerton & Milwaukee. Parking is pretty okay in Logan Square.

Mismanagement Meeting

MisManageMent Meeting Wed Jan. 13th 7:30 pm @ Lions Head Pub

Hare(s): Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Lion Head Pub – 2251 N. Lincoln Ave
Hash Cash: N/A

View Larger Map

Hash Ballot 2009 – http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chicagoh3/files/hashballot2009.doc

THE Chicago Hash will have a Mismanagement meeting Jan. 13th 7:30 pm @ Lions Head Pub
2251 n. lincoln ave.
Chicago, IL 60614

Topics of conversation will be

1. CH3 $$$$ account balances

2. Hashball March 6th

3. Nominations in Jan. for CH3 hash awards and GM they are currently in the Yahoo group file section

4. Voting in Feb.

5. Feb. 14th should be CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH maybe make it big because its day before presidents day?

6. March 6th Announce the Wieners of the GM and other hash awards

7. Hash Calendar

8. Need new HARE RAZORS

9. If you have new business you would like to discuss please e-mail me show we can put it on the agenda

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, hoof it a couple blocks East to Halsted/Lincoln/Fullerton, Southeast on Lincoln two blocks to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to California, Fullerton #74 bus East to Halsted/Lincoln/Fullerton, Southeast on Lincoln two blocks to da bar.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Lincoln/Belden/Orchard. Parking pretty much sucks in this corridor as the side streets are all Zone 143 permit. You might get lucky with a meter on Lincoln or open parking by Oz Park one block further Southeast.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1641

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash Jan 10, 2010 by Horn-E

We started at the Purple Haze. Our hares were Lifa and Its Too Soft. Lifa warned us at the start that the shitty parts of the trail were the fault of the other hare. Hmmm. Shitty parts? And there would be something about 8 on the trail. So off we went to the north and east. Trail actually started off pretty good as we headed over towards Halsted and past there to Broadway. Were we headed towards the lake? Not. At Broadway, wwe headed south to a Triple Split and the trail actually headed back west. There was a turn arrow into a school yard parking lot and the pack was spread out heading west down an alley. But the hares were spotted heading west on the other side of the street. Sure enough, a Check Back. Well done you bastards. But it regropuped the pack. Horn-E found trail to the west and we were off again. We headed south to Briar and back to Halsted and the infamous six corner intersection. Horn-E was already getting tired from the after effects of the Eight Beer Stop Hash on the previous day and staying out until 3AM. That old fart ain’t dead yet, but getting there. Anyhow, this Check had us stumped good. Finally On On was called to the south. False. Damn hares. Just Michael, Horn-E and Crop Duster were West on Barry when the trail was finally found to the south on Clark. From here the trail went east on Oakdale all of the way to Sheridan. Hmmmm. Long straights. The pack regrouped at Sheridan and Diversey for a Check. Shiggy Packer finally found marks to the south east and up the sledding hill. EZ On The Ass relayed the On call and we were off. The trail headed south from there and straight to Fullerton. From the back of the pack Corn Star and Horn-E could barely keep the pack in sight as they streaked off. Around the lagoon and back into the city streets. Did I say long straights? This is where a pack can really get strung out for the back of the pack. West to Clark for a quick Check and on West. Finally we saw a BN. Liars. But then hares always lie. But eight times? This looked like it was headed for the Chicken Coop. No. Just a quick loop and south a whole block to Fullerton and again west to Sheffield. BN2, BN3, BN4. What is this teasing game? Now we were headed straight north on Sheffield for four blocks. Did I say straight trail? At Lincoln there was a turn south on Lincoln. Horn-E got as far as a block and a half, still going away from the finish and saw a BN6. All right, what is this. A BN7 on Halsted and a BN8 at Its Too Soft’s condo again. Not. Horn-E was a block from the real beer stop after BN6. What the fuck? But enough is enough and he started back only to run into Corn Star and they decided to work their way to Its Too Soft’s place. No one was there. Back on Sheffield and another five block straight. Along the way they spotted a BN8, but another false call.
Arriving at the bar, there was Chicken Stifer who lost trail somewhere. Also was SnatchSquatch who wasn’t about to run today after yesterdays Eight Beer Stop Hash, and Fistful Of Pricks. A short time later the pack arrived.
Beer was flowing and food was ordered and Shiggy Packer called the circle together. The hares were called early and often for the shitty trail. The hares still suck. Many down downs were given and we were finally introduced to our two virgins, Just Mary and Just Cindy. They liked the trail and said they will be back. Now we’ll have to get them on a good one.
Its Too Soft did tell me later that the reason for all of the long straights is that Lifa thought they only had a half hour to go when it was an hour and a half. Ratting on your fellow hare. Let the cat fight begin.
Who else was there. Tinkle Trotskie, Ice Princess, Ginger Snatch, Just Kelsey, and Beer Stop Valdez showed up several hours later.

CH3 #1641

Chicago Hash #1641 Sunday 1/10, 2pm @ Purple Haze – Eagles Playoff Victory Celebration Hash

Hare(s): Lifa & Fuji / It’s Too Soft
Venue: Purple Haze – 3415 N Clark
Hash Cash: $8

View Larger Map

Come shake off that Post-Holiday Winter Cabin Fever on the Northern Edge of the Green Zone at an ENTIRELY NEW HASH BAR – Purple Haze (where the old Purgatory Pizza used to be on Clark between Newport and Roscoe). This new bar is owned by my buddy Lisa so you know it’s gonna be really hash-friendly and we got $5 pitchers of Miller Lite in an awesome neighborhood so you know the hash cash is gonna go far and half off everything all day long!!

The hare promises the trail will be “weather appropriate” as if it’s super cold I certainly don’t want to do a death march twice! Anyone interested in possibly co-haring/learning the art of the Fuji trial, just let me know.

And if the Eagles don’t win Saturday night you know I’ll be hitting it on Sunday!

Party on on,

Fuji

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Addison, West to Sheffield and then South two blocks to Clark and Southeast on Clark about half a block.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Addison, Addison 162 bus East to Clark, hoof it two and a half blocks Southeast on Clark to da bar.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Clark between Newport and Roscoe. Parking is better West & South i.e. farther AWAY from Wrigley field… go figure.