Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1643

Jan. 24, 2010

Chicago Hash #7,347,732
VENUE: Joe’s on Weed

HARES: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included
VIRGINS: Just Suetfei
HASHERS: Just Cindy, Odor Eater, Chicken Stiffer, Poultry Fucker, Horn-e, Snatchsquatch, UpLoader, Dickens Cider, Happy Ass Grabber, Hoosier Daddy, Menage A Twat, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Half-Fag, Crop Duster, Do Me Slowly, KGB, More Tail, Just Allyson, Glory Hole, Soul Taco, Tinkle Trotsky, One-Handed Typist, Lifa, Just Corey, Asscapade, Fistful of Pricks, Magnetic Muff, Just Becky, Salty Gash


This hash was billed as the Calvin B-day hash and 33 hashers showed up to celebrate Calvin’s 21st birthday, Happy Birthday man. Batteries and Calvin picked a great venue for this run today with $3.75 pitchers of Coors Lite and a private room in the back for the football viewing and auction. The CH3 hash raised $250 on Sunday for the Haiti relief fund nice job donators and donatees!!! What a job by our own Calvin Klein playing the part of the auctioneer!!! I think he might find a job working at Christie’s on the weekend.
Calvin said the trail was shorter than usually, meaning it was not the usually 5+ mile Calvin trail. We did our little chalk talk out front and informed JUST SUETFEI what the marks meant on trial and away we went on trial # 7,567,234? We seem to have skipped a few numbers from last week? The pack took off West and then South down Kingsbury and past the new giant Whole Foods conveniently located across the street from a strip bar. GLORY HOLE led the pack at this point with our virgin leading with him. The pack kept running in a Southeast direction towards the Cabrini-Green projects. Did Calvin run us thru the projects? There was a check on Division and Halsted with two marks running that way but HALF-FAG found the true over the bridge and onto Goose Island. LIFA the latecomer caught up to us by now and started to make a move towards the front of the pack. JUST ALLYSON, DICKENS CIDER, and UPLOADER took the pack thru the winding industrial park but CHICKEN STIFFER found some kind of trial leading toward the railway bridge of the Chicago River branch by North Avenue This bridge has been used many times in trails past, with the 1500th hash being the most memorable when we had to carry LAZY ASS from the Big-Hump over the bridge because he’s in a wheel chair!! . Bringing up the rear at this point were hashers like ITS TOO SOFT, SNATCHSQUATCH and MORE TAIL (where has she been?) MEANGE-A-TWAT used a short cut provided by the hare to shortcut to this point in the trail crossing North Avenue. Trail from here went North on the railroad tracks and then east past the now defunct Sam’s Liquor Warehouse to a check. DICKENS CIDER went North and CHICKEN east she found true trail but he found trail directly east of Clybourn and short cut about ¼ mile from the trail.
The trail ran south on Clybourn and then ran through Crate and Barrel parking lot to end up back at the bar with CHICKEN STIFFER the FRB and UPLOADER and DICKENS CIDER close behind. ICE PRINCESS pulled up at the CVS to buy smokes and KGB again had to stop and deliver a baby on trail this seems to be an every hash occurrence for him. There was no beer stop on trial and the hash got back to the bar to enjoy the cheap pitchers and order food. HALF-FAG ran our circle today using some square cushions to stand-on. SNATCHSQUATCH stood on one and the cushion seemed to shrink by 5 inches afterwards!!! CALVIN was given his birthday down-down and the hares drank continuously throughout the night. Many hashers showed up late like TINKLE TROTSKY or SALTY GASH but we love them just the same. HAPPY ASS GRABBER and HOOSIER DADDY drank for no hash attire and we gave R-TARD-E a down-down for being DFL?? But wait he was in Florida WTF??? HALF-FAG ended the circle and we soon got the auction going. DO I hear $3? The bidding was fast and furious with an AXIS of EVIL shirt with the now defunct MASTERS HASH on it going for $16 I believe!!! CROP DUSTER seemed to be bidding for many of the awesome shirts donated by fellow hashers. The shirt of the night went to ODOR EATER with a big COCK on the front from the Mardi Gras Hash saying ROCK AROUND THE C (L) OCK!!! The auction was interrupted with a pizza and wing order for the hash and then we got right back to it. FISTFUL OF PRICKS was a little distracted from her New Orleans game but it was for a good cause for today, $250 for Haitian relief not bad. Hopefully we will see you next week and nice turn out with 33 hashers showing up to run and donate to a worthy cause!!!