Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

This trail was a live hare by Glory Hole out of O’lannagans. Another small pack of only 11 hounds that included one visitor and one virgin. So, only nine regulars. We took off in a small loop and back through the park and off to the north. At this point Crop Duster and Horn-E were playing catchup and we did under the El tracks. Trail went north to Lawrence and Western for a Check and Cumma Slutra found trail to the west and down an alley. The pack followed and even our virgin, Just Steve, was keeping up. Every once in a while I would hear this chattering coming up behind me. It was Hump Me Dump Me and Sandy Syphilis yakking like two old ladies at a quilting bee. They kept this up all through the hash and beer stop and circle. We headed north and down an alley heading east. As I got there, hashers were coming back down the alley. Must have been a Back Check. I’m glad to see so many hares are finally starting to use the Back Check lately as it is a great equalizer on trail and really can regroup the pack and gives new hounds a chance to lead. As we looked, Just Mary spotted a Check to the north. Great. We’re back of trail no matter how we got there. Horn-E went west and found nothing. Suddenly trail was found to the north and he paralleled for a block, just in time to see Lifa coming towards him. Got lucky there. So he led to the west and then north as Lifa caught and passed him. At Foster there was a Triple Split. Lifa went north and I didn’t see him again until just before the beer stop. Off trail again. Horn-E went west and was On. He headed towards the river and parkland ahead and Crop Duster passed him to lead into the park. This led to a nasty hare trick of a little loop and Crop Duster caught it. He would have led us out of there but he was soon chasing some young mom with her baby in the park. She already had one. She doesn’t need any more crops dusted. Meanwhile Horn-E wandered into the park and got us back on trail, temporarily. After a Split, he was practically on the mark heading north when he headed south to Argyle and the bridge over the river. At this point, our visitor, the infamous DR. Gonads, heard an On call to the north. Well, Horn-E paralleled to the west, assuming they would go west on Foster. Right. And there was a Triple Split coming out of the park/ball field area. Checked south. Nothing. Checked back east, over the bridge on the south side of it. Nothing. Checked west. Nothing. Damn hare. Finally headed south down an alley and was on. The pack still wasn’t in sight. Followed this trail south a block and back into the park and out at Lawrence. Trail went over the bridge to the east and then over the fence and a leap down of about four feet. Of course, you could just walk a little east and the wall went down to a foot drop. But I heard our tough Ex-Marine, Cumma Slutra, climbed over the fence and whined about the four foot drop. Or was it only three feet. But meanwhile, Horn-E ran ahead and spotted Lifa coming from the other direction and he spotted a Check. The ever alert Lifa had actually ran right past the hare sitting on a bench waiting for the beer stop. Yep. it happened just like that.
Now we had a problem. The beer was in the hares car, parked right across from a waiting squad car. Oooops. While we discussed options, the cop suddenly had to leave his hiding place and we quickly ran for the beer and took it into the trees where there were some logs to sit on and we waited for the rest of the pack. All was good. And they stumbled on it, Corn Star, SnatchSquatch, Just Mary and the rest of them.
It was here we heard the story of our visitors celebrity. Dr. Gonads was the infamous hasher arrested and almost prosecuted for laying Anthrax, or terrorists substances in an Ikea parking lot several years ago. This was a big story and hashers donated several thousand dollars to his defense fund.
From here it was a long walk back to the bar where we were met by the usual and unusual groupies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Its Too Soft, and ‘musical note here, Ten Dix With Wings. Then Calvin Klein held a circle. Two good highlights, Our visitor sang several songs including one made up for his adventures with the State’s Attorney from the dark side. And when Batteries Not Included heard who he was, I thought she would either have a kitten or an orgasm, yelling ‘its you, its you, its really you’. Our visitor was introduced, Just Steve and he got several down downs. He is a journalism student at Northwestern and wants to write a story about the hash for school. Here we go again. Infamy or notoriety. Use hash names only, to protect the innocent and guilty.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 3 Oct, 2010 by Horn-E

Lifa and Its Too Soft were hares for this hash out of Its Too Soft’s place. We had 16 hounds on trail, Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included opted to stay behind and watch TV. Its Too Soft drove over to the beer stop. Lifa swept on a bicycle. Horn-E, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker led at the start and pretty much to the first Check on Sheffield and Wellington. Horn-E managed to find the trail to the west and at a quick Split he went the wrong way and the trail headed back south and then west. But we weaved through a few gangways and soon we had our first Back Check at the end of an alley. This regrouped us as we then ran to a Check at Lincoln. Trail from here went south and west and worked its way towards Ashland finally running south in an alley to a narrow passage between a fence and a wall. Horn-E managed to be the first to squeeze through here and it was a real squeeze. We than headed across Ashland and a block west we headed north. Here is were that old fart broke down. As many know, I’ve had a bad knee over the last several months. Although I had an elastic bandage around the knee, running this way finally started to bring out my old injury, a bad ankle. I quit here and the hare told me where the beer stop was. Bye.
This was a big loop from a block west of Ashland to just before the outer drive on Diversey. A damn long walk. I did meet Mouthful Of Meat along the way, but she wasn’t interested in joining me as I headed for the beer stop. Television at Its Too Soft’s was more important. At the beer stop I got in just after R-Tard-E and Fistful Of Pricks who I saw heading to the beer. Everyone was there except, I believe Just Brendan, our virgin, Mount Schwiiinga and Beer Spill Valdez. And he never made it. Something about coming to a Split on trail that no one solved for him. So after weeping by himself for about ten minutes, he returned to Its Too Soft’s place. More TV. And after the circle, Beer Spill Valdez lived up to his name. Thanks to small holes in the top of cans and the swift moves of Its Too Soft and a fistful of paper towels, it wasn’t to bad. I did hear one other story about the trail. Slippery Box also whined about an injury. A muscle cramp. So she also got a hint on the beer stop. Then suddenly the cramp disappeared and she was FRB. Hmm!!!
At the finish, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker immediately disappeared. Visitors, Tranny Cock Kicker and Cums At Sixty grabbed a quick bite to eat and also left, for a long ride back to Iowa.
Calvin Klein finally got away from the TV to get us on the roof for a looong cold circle. We did have a visitor, Just Theo who helped drive our new cumer Sandy Syphillis to Chicago. Welcome. Just Brendan was also introduced. Welcome. Who else ran. SnatchSquatch was back out, Salty Gash, Just Ryan. We had a long list of posers besides those mentioned, with Hoosier Daddy, Fall On My Wood, Cumma Slutra. and Just Do Me Slowly. That is seven who didn’t run. Hey, this is a hash. Cum and run with us.
After the circle we finally got to some of Its Too Soft’s food. Good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 27 Sept, 2010 by Horn-E

We hashed out of Clarke’s and Slippery Box and Fall On My Wood were our hares. That left eight hounds at the start and one late comer Glory Hole whocaught the back of the pack at Wellington and Lincoln. We started out to the south with a mad dash through De Paul to a Check at Belden. This took a while to solve, but finally I heard Lifa calling On to the west and we ran on to Kenmore and then north to a Check at Jonquil Park at Lincoln and Wrightwood. By now we thought it was The Dark Kunt who led us here. But in Checking, Crop Duster was seen returning from the east and yelling that he already checked out everything east. Damn stealth FRBs. Horn-E then ran through the park to the north entrance and heard Lifa calling On to the west. and as he ran that way, he found marks that came from the east (?) and we all headed north on Seminary. Well, you get the idea, as we wound around all to familiar territory.
The marks were a little hard at times due to turns hidden around corners and in shadows. This almost led to a missed shot stop. Generally, marks should be easy between Checks and Splits so the runners can easily run without having to check around each and every corner. Along the way we missed one of these marks that apparently led across the street, from south side to north side. Having missed this turn, we ran on over a block before realizing we were off trail and there wasn’t any marks. If the lead runner was just a half block further he might have crossed the street and seen marks. These marks were after a shot stop. Some of us did walk back on trail before we crossed the street and Horn-E managed to see a turn into an alley. This was a quick loop down the alley to the shot stop and back to the same street. It could have easily been missed. Point: Don’t make you turns hard to see. You yourself would get pissed if you missed turns and especially a shot stop, and you wouldn’t be happy if you sat at a shot stop that no one found.
After the shot stop we were back on and up to Diversey. Here we had another Check that split up the pack. Several were off to the west. Someone went north and found a turn to the west and eventually On. But that person didn’t return to the corner to call out to the waiting pack, that left four Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly, Corn Star and Just Ryan standing there. We finally headed north when Horn-E noted that someone disappeared up that way. This almost permanently split the pack. We followed trail north to Wellington and Lincoln and another Check. This was marked and we headed west only to find the FRBs returning from a False. Back at the Check, we restarted checking. Horn-E went north with Just Ryan and found only one mark. Vote For Pedro did the same west and northwest. Upon returning, the pack was gone and no marks. About now we were joined by Glory Hole who came north on Lincoln. That left only one other way out and we headed south on the other side of Lincoln and found trail in an alley. Glory Hole left us behind. Damn fast SOB. Vote For Pedro was off on a parallel. Somehow Just Ryan and Horn-E were left alone in back and we hit a Check at Sheffield. Horn-E found trail to the east and went back for Just Ryan. It was only his second trail and we don’t want to lose newbies. Then we went to a Split at Diversey. Suddenly, Glory Hole and Vote For Pedro came up behind us. How we got ahead of them is beyond me, but I need to learn how to do that. From here we headed east and then south and finally to a Beer Stop in a little park on Wrightwood.
While we were drinking beer, and being noisy hashers, Vote for Pedro told us how a couple of old farts were on their porch bitching at him for running through a “QUIET” neighborhood. Fugem. But the more interesting part of the beer stop was Glory Hole and Crop Duster mounting The Dark Kunt in the dark. Just Do Me Slowly was blushing so much she lit up the area and they had to stop. Damn. Just when she was starting to squeal. So we finished our beer and went on to Clarke’s .
Back at the bar we found the usual late cumer, Its Too Soft and Way To Much Jism who quickly joined our pack. We gathered in the back and got into a lively circle led by Lifa. We were there to hash and circle and drink and the blaring TVs were virtually ignored. Yeah!!! After circle we drank more beer and ate and all was good.

On On
Horn-E