Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 20 Nov 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Soul Taco’s place where she was hosting the CH3’s annual Thanksgiving Hash turkey dinner. CH3 had to move this event to Sat to accommodate Soul Taco’s personal needs. So they mover the start back to 3PM so as to not conflict with the normal schedule of the Bushman Hash. Soul Taco had a partner in crime in Poultry Fucker in laying that trail. Actually the ladies laid a decent trail with some good loops, but you never heard it here. It was a shitty trail. Poultry Fucker was sweeping and led the beginning circle, with our virgin, Just John paying close attention. Like anybody else was. We had a pack of 12 hounds at the start and we were right off into the alleys of the area. Heading south east we hit a Check. Dark Side Of The Poon was seen up at Belmont on a False. Trail went south for a nice little loop that had the trail coming back to within about a hundred feet of earlier trail. But the pack was all following and no one managed that short cut. From here it was at least one gangway and down a couple of short alleys where Horn-E and R-Tard-E managed to catch a short cut to the pack and a Check at Kimball/Milwaukee/Diversey. This one had is going in circles. Crop Duster went way south on Milwaukee before trail was found to the north on Kimball. We wandered around several streets and finally through a school yard and a fence climb. Or run around if you were paying attention. But the pack was stretching out and we finally approached Logan Blvd and those at the back could just catch some hounds approaching the Logan Monument. Check. Naturally. And the lead hounds were already out of sight. Trail seemed to go west. Wrong. That is where Horn-E managed to accost some bimbo running along. Actually, she asked him if we were hashers. Meanwhile the pack disappeared to the south as Horn-E told her how to find out about us. It was about three blocks later before he caught the sweep, Are They Real and Salty Gash. But they were short cutting and Horn-E ran on, now off trail. As he wandered on, Poultry Fucker finally caught him to guide him back to trail and towards the beer stop. And a block later, there was the pack. And about three blocks later was the beer stop in a park along Diversey. Soul Taco was there with beer and Its Too Soft, arriving late, went with her to the beer stop. The pack was complete. Others on trail included Just Ian, Happy Ass Grabber and Turbo Dog, Goldilocks, Hump Me Dump Me, Just Mary and Rhotan. After a bit, the chills started and we headed back to the On In for some Taco Turkey. We found a bunch of couch potatoes along with the mashed potatoes waiting for us. They included Chicken Stifer, I Like Dick, Glory Hole and Ice Princess. Horn-E headed to the kitchen with knife and fork in hand for some KP. That’s Kutting Poultry, and not that Poultry. That’s carving turkey. And the circle commenced in the living room. I heard our Virgin, Just John, getting introduced, and the hares were constantly called out. After we settled into a good dinner with all sorts of side dishes to compliment the Turkey.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 14 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

We had 10K Tika Ho and Genesis as our hares out of Ravenswood Pub and damn if the trail didn’t look a lot like Lifa’s trail at TH3 from the previous week. We had 14 hounds on this trail as the pack took off to the south for a quick loop through the alley and then to the north. Trail wound through a few streets until we got caught on a Check that seemed to take a while to find. Trail was finally found to the north and east and Lifa led Horn-E and a few hashers through an alley and after the leaders. We went east to Clark and then north. Here is where Horn-E almost lost it all. Some hashers had crossed Clark and he followed and they headed north. Trouble is, the trail didn’t. Just before Ashland and Clark met, trail headed west and south on Ashland. Horn-E looked west and saw no one. He looked south and apparently just missed seeing hashers looping around and across Clark. So he followed and soon found himself out of sight of the pack. Read that DFL. He ran on and on and thanks to some Splits and Checks being marked, he finally saw the pack at Ridge and near Hollywood at a Check. The back of the pack was just crossing Ridge and he got caught by traffic. But a Split and Horn-E was soon right behind the pack. Our next Check was at Ridge/Broadway,Bryn Mawr. Hashers were already standing around. He crossed Bryn Mawr and headed east just as Lifa appeared at an alley and blew his whistle. Blowing his horn, Horn-E was in hot pursuit. From DFL to running second in a few blocks. The beauty of hashing. About two blocks later was a Split. Lifa had gone south so Horn-E went west and was soon on and he blew his horn for those at the Check, Just John and Just Mary. And so it was as Horn-E kept finding Splits and guessing right and they stayed right behind him. We finally headed back to Clark, south and then across Ashland and more winding through streets. Over a mile in the lead when Horn-E finally missed a turn into an alley. Just Mary spotted it and took the lead with Just John down an alley and Horn-E right behind. Now it was their turn to miss a mark, a Split. At the next street we realized we weren’t On. Lifa was now gaining on us and Horn-E yelled for him to look for a mark. He spotted a Split at an alley and because we weren’t On, he had to be. We then followed Lifa for a few blocks until he went into an underpass under the Metra tracks. Now, just 10 days ago, Lifa hared here and had a Beer Stop right over this underpass in a parking lot. Here is where he went wrong. The lead hound should never assume where the trail will go. Here is where the hares can really screw the pack. He found marks, but we weren’t sure what he found. We went north a bit when Lifa started to second guess his shortcut. As we stood around, Just Mary was sent a block north to look for marks. Meanwhile the rest of the pack started to arrive and they were heading straight out of the tunnel and on to the correct trail. So, Lifa, Just John and Horn-E followed. Meanwhile, Just Mary returned and found a Split. She followed it and was soon leading and heading north to a loop around a building and to a back entrance along some tracks and the beer stop where the hares and Goldilocks were waiting with beer. Back on true trail we came to a Check. Lifa went back towards where we already were. Horn-E went north and actually found true trail that led to the parking lot again and eventually back to where Just Mary already went. Lifa was soon behind him and we led some hashers on to the beer stop.
After the beer stop we found free bar food available and all was good. Beer was flowing. But we were soon dragged outside in the cold for a circle so we wouldn’t bother all of the bar patrons. Some hashers left but we had a short circle and some fun. Then we came back in and got into the beer that was still flowing thanks to the short circle. After a bit we were asked to take part in rock paper scissors. Corn Star won and got a big jug of cheese balls. Just Mary took second and got $25 bar cash. Horn-E took third and won a bottle of hooch. Others on trail included Its Too Soft, Bloody thighs, Hoosier Daddy, Beer Stop Valdez, Mudsucker, Stab ’em & Slab ’em, The KGB, Mount Schwiiinga and Chicken Stiffer.
x
On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

I walked into Kelly’s and the room had a lot of people standing around in running clothes, but who were they. New faces everywhere. Was our hare, Super Stuffer stuffing them in from joggers going by? Was the other hare Wizard Sleeves…., oh never mind. Yes, a virgin hare with wizard sleeves.
It looks like 15 regular hounds, one visitor, and eight virgins. Nice crowd, now if we only don’t lose all of the virgins on trail.
We didn’t lose the virgins thanks to a trail that kept most of the pack together. We started out down the alley to the south and then headed west as the pack strung out. As the pack headed down an alley, Lifa headed down the previous street, ranging again, and it worked and he got to a Check and apparently picked right in heading straight. But the pack was scattered looking for marks and we all took off to the south and into some angled streets and alleys. I got to the end of the block where the angled streets started and there was Lifa coming out of another street, blowing his weasle. I followed along with Muffin The Mule and we headed southeast again. This led to another alley and finally out to Sheffield. The trail was on the west side of the street and Chicken Stiffer was already on the east side of the street. At Clybourn there was a Check and trail apparently did go east and south down a long alley. Horn-E was falling way behind and caught the light. By the time he got to the alley, the leaders were already at the end of this long alley and the only hashers close were Just Mo and 10K Tika Ho. So he followed and 10K Tika Ho cut off into a parking lot. Horn-E followed and she was gone when he emerged. and there were no marks. Looking back towards the Check he noticed the hare, Super Stuffer and two others heading west from the Check. Returning to the Check, it was marked to the west, past Goose Island and over to the industrial area and then south on the tracks. At the end of the tracks there was a Check. Goldilocks was already returning from the west so Horn-E led some across the street and headed across the street to the other Goose Island. The one that is actually an island and not a brewery. As he approached the far end, the On call was called to the east. But this just went back north and here was the hare hiding behind a building with Hoosier Daddy and Poultry Fucker who was just walking. I didn’t see her again so maybe she couldn’t resist the mall and went shopping. As we headed north, we apparently just looped back over the out trail and got there just in time to rescue the DFL, Its Too Soft and saved him from doing the loop. Trail went on to the north and eventually into an area by heaps of crushed cars and scrap metal. Hear we heard a loud speaker telling us it was private property and to please leave. Well, at the far end of the private property there was a Check that took a bit to find because we stumbled onto a False trail coming off of the Check. Back to the Check, runners scattered and it was finally found to the west and then south just before the bridge. This led to a quick Check that apparently didn’t fool anyone. At least it was found by the time I got there with Goldilocks. About two blocks later was another Check and it was a long song check. Uploader led us in ‘Monday is a Wanking Day.’ Well done.
From here the trail was called to the north and we went to Webster and then to the east. Back to the bar? No. We headed north to a Check. By the time I got there, everyone was returning from all directions west and north and so we headed to the east. As we approached the next corner I saw Chicken Stiffer heading north, but I didn’t see any marks going that way. Huh. Trail apparently went east and we were soon on and then to the north and another Check. From here trail headed east on Fullerton and we passed a BN. Great. Another block and there was a Split. Some headed east and some headed north. North was on and two blocks later we were at the beer stop in an alley. Suddenly Chicken Stiffer came around the corner from the east, followed by Lifa. Hmmm. Did they assume the beer stop was at Its Too Soft’s place. Not. Finally we were all there. And then Rhotan and Calvin Klein showed up. To lazy to run with us, but they walked over for the free beer on the hares.
Speaking of non running wussies, you can add in Slippery Box, Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Fall On My
Wood, and our GM (?) Fistful Of Pricks.
Back at Kelly’s we headed into the beer tent where Calvin Klein attempted to run a decent circle. Rhotan intended to disrupt the circle at every opportunity. They both succeeded, or failed. When I got home I found an email from Rhotan that said he was going to try to hijack either our trail or circle. But Calvin Klein somehow managed to carry on and our hares got every other down down. He got Wizard Sleeves so drunk that she led us in a new Tit song after circle. Well done. And we did manage to sing several other long songs. But I am ahead of myself. We were also introduced to our visitor, Type A Hole. Then the virgins and newly moved to Chicago which included, Just Ben, Just Ryan, Just Katie, the munchkins Just Lisa and Just Beth, Just David, and two from the United Kingdom, Just Greg and Just Victoria. Welcome one and all and join us back in Chicago and many of our other local hashes.
Others who ran included Ginger Snatch, The Dark Kunt, Just Kevin, Soggy Deposits and Hump Me Dump Me. After circle and the late singing, we headed back into the bar and slowly left. A good time for such a shitty trail.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 31 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E
Another hash with a decent turnout. Do you think the idea of a costume run has anything to do with it. Hey, we hash every week. This one was hared by Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included. By Calvin Klein’s GPS, it was three miles. Of course, that including walking around and setting all of the Falses. Lets say, about 2.25. But I only went off on one Check. We did head south a block and our unicorn, Just Anna led us to a Check at the first street east of the El tracks . From here we headed over to Sheridan Rd. for another Check. Again the trail went straight, but this was just a short loop over to the path along the lake and right back to Sheridan Rd and back across it. We then headed north in an alley and over to Loyola campus for another Check. The pack guessed right and into the campus we went where we found another Check. But this was right out of the campus and across Sheridan Rd. We did go north another block to Albion and then straight to another Check at Glenwood. From here it was almost straight south and then east to the On In. And here we had the most exciting thing happen on trail. In honor of the on going World Series, Horn-E tried to slide into home, head first. On the sidewalk. That’s his story and he is sticking to it. But according to 10 K Tika Ho, following along here, she saw Willie Nelson jogging along the sidewalk and trip on some crack. He needs to stick to grass. But he did do a flat out belly flop on the sidewalk. And that damn black and blue big toe tells more about the story then the conflicting stories. Meanwhile R-Tard-E came in DFL. There were some good costumes and possibly the best was EZ On The Ass who didn’t even run. But dressed as something dead. He even had Horn-E avoiding him.
Calvin Klein ran the circle and we all had fun. We were introduced to Just Mike and Jingle Balls, a transplant from Philadelphia. Congratulations for being stretched out on a torture rack to Way To Much Jism. The torture rack was four 12.5 mile loops on the south lakefront for a total of fifty miles on Sat. in under ten hours. That is like 2 marathons in five hours each. WWWEEELLLLLL DDDOOONNNEEE.
And no, she didn’t run the hash. She had trouble even walking and standing in circle. Other hashers who just showed up and didn’t run included Just Abby, Just Rob, Ten Dix With Wings and Just Mo who was dressed as a Christmas tree. I still want to see those wrapped presents under the tree.
Other hashers on trail included Ginger Snatch who was dressed as a strawberry. Hmmmm, strawberrys and cream. Super Stuffer, Mouthful Of Meat, Just Mary, Bloody Thighs, Up Loader, Its Too Soft and Just Adam. We also have to call out Salty Gash for riding her pony in the circle, The KGB for dressing as a Doctor and again winning worst costume just beating out Horn-E, and Lifa as a mangy horny hound humping women’s legs everywhere.
Then finally we reconvened the circle at the urging of Horn-E and EZ On The Ass for a naming of Just Anna. They had a perfect name for her and after EZ On The Ass told the story, it was unanimous and her name will forever be known as Wizard Sleeves. She’ll have to show you why.

On On
Horn-E