Category: Tale of the Trail

August 11, 2008 Stocks and Blondes 40 N. Welles St.

HARES: Crop Duster, Just Julia (Ginger Snatch)
VIRGINS: Just Rankin, Just Carly,
VISITORS: Boner Malfunction (JAX), Chip-n-Dale (Denver)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, The Porcelain God, Milk My Yak, Uploader, Barks on all Fours, Just Ashley, Just Carrie, Just Katie, Just Eileen, Magnetic Muff, Just Nick, 69-cent Man, Just Bill, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Shaina, Just Amanda (Poultry F*****), Its too Soft, Hoosier Daddy, Cums on I Lean, Just John (Free VD) Snatchsquatch, Horn-E, Odor Eater, Mudsucker, Just I Lean.

TOTAL HASHERS= 31

Last time I was at this bar was for a beer stop and we took over the bar for the 20 minutes we were there. Today was no different!!! The hares CROP DUSTER and JUST JULIA cleared the hash with the owner and we had $6 pitchers and they even reserved an area of the bar for us to use, Nice Job!!! WRAPPER SNATCHER and PORECELAIN GOD played the part of bag watchers in the bar because PORCELAIN currently has a lame foot and WRAPPER needed to play nurse to him. Tonight the hash saw another 30+ hashers show up and even a few from the bungle in the jungle weekend showed. JUST JULIA and CROP gave us a chalk talk and we were off!! The trail was awesome tonight a quote from JUST AMANDA. The hares lead us thru the scenic areas of downtown and then had a beer stop on the Chicago River. The first part of the trail ran north and UPLOADER, CHIP-N-DALE, and HORN-E seemed to be the leaders that I followed. The trail crossed the Chicago River and ran under Lower Whacker. Most of the pack seemed to be a little confused here because most did not cross the river but ran east along the river with HORN-E. JUST JOHN and I came up from lower Whacker and were on Michigan Avenue. The trail here ran behind a building and then back west. The hares set a check just east of Michigan and Randolph that most of the pack missed, truthfully the pack followed JUST JOHN and I thinking we were on and JUST NICK even called on when he saw a mark but he wasn’t because it was after a check. The pack really got messed up and people like BONER MALFUNCTION, JUST KATIE and others gave up because of the confusion and went back to the bar. It is unfortunate because the rest of the trail ran thru Millennium Park and over the winding bridge. JUST JOHN and I went back to the check and found true trail going SW and found the arrows pointing into the park. The hares did a great job sweeping, I know because on Tuesday before movie night in Grant Park I checked the trail and it was marked well. Just John and I soon heard HORN-E blowing in the park and he and I found trail going west on Adams and then thru the Finical district. Here it crossed the river again by Union Station and even ran thru the train station. JUST JOHN almost caught an AMTRAK to St. Louis this night or so he claims. The trail ran back over the river and the beer stop was in a park next to the river. It was fun seeing the back half of the pack cross the river twice before the made it to the beer stop. JUST SHAINA, JUST AMANDA, ITS TOO SOFT, MAGNETIC MUFF, MUDSUCKER, HORN-E, UPLOADER, 69-cent MAN should be commended for locating true trail tonight. We had BUD and BUD light at the stop and waited for the other half of the pack that never showed.
Back at the BAR JUST NICK, JUST ASHLEY, JUST CARLY and others were drinking and watching Mike Phelps win his gold medals. We got back and started the circle. Our FRB’s were HORN-E and I. Our DFL’s were those that never made it to the beer stop. JUST SHAINA and Beer mistress JUST AMANDA had a down down for talking about Mr. Phelps body in the circle. BONER and CHIP were our visitors for the day. JUST ASHLEY drank for finally drinking legally in our circle because last time she came and drank she was only 20 and with her mom, JUST LORI. Our virgins JUST CARLY and JUST RANKIN had a great time and we now they shall return. Our NRB’s were SNATCHSQUATCH, HOOSIER DADDY, JUST I LEAN, CUMS ON I LEAN, WRAPPER SNATCHER, and PORCELAIN GOD. ITS TOO SOFT was our rep from the Bungle in the Jungle party along with BONER. The circle was soon closed but we did reopen it to name some people. JUST JOHN is now “FREE VD”�, JUST JULIA is now “GINGER SNATCH”, and JUST AMANDA is now “POULTRY FUCKER” go figure.
The next day 10 hashers POULTRY F******, JUST I LEAN, JUST BILL, CUMS on I LEAN, SUPER STUF’HER, MOUTHFUL, CHICKEN STIFFER, ANAL ASSAULT, and W’ALL BANGHER, and JUST BELLA watcher “A TOUCH OF EVIL”� at movies in the park!!!

SEE YOU NEXT MONDAY OR SATURDAY at ITS TOO SOFT roof deck party at 9 pm 933 W. WOLFRAM!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

August 4, 2008 Marlins at Pershing and Harlem LYONS,IL

HARES: HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT, FUCKKO THE CLOWN
VIRGINS: Just Jerry, Just Terry, Just Billy, Just Tom
VISITORS: Golden Eagle (Vegas), Davey Crotch Itch (Shit), Nappy Headed Ho (DC)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, The Porcelain God, Happy Ass Grabber, MudSucker, Calvin Klein, Horn-e, Rhotan, Dicken Cider, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours,


TOTAL HASHERS – 22

This is the second time the CHICAGO HASH has used this venue. The last time was POP in “2005”, and just like that day the skies opened up upon us and the wrath of MOTHER NATURE was taken out upon the trial and hashers. The last time at POP I can remember HAPPY ASS GRABBER as a neophyte hasher and SUGAR NIPPLES dancing in the lightening and rain on Marlins patio. If you do not believe me look at the pictures.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=kuxb1a3.cmy9hj9v&Uy=3rqpw6&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&UV=426731658049_325614533603&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

The Chicago hash had invaded SECOND CITY TERRITORY again and storm clouds were waiting for us!!! HUNKA and FUCKKO were blessed by CALVIN KLEIN our RA and they were off setting trail. GOLDEN EAGLE gave the chalk talk and explained to our virgins and regular Chicago hashers what the marks meant and we did a quick Father Abraham and were off. Well Some of us were off. THE PORCELAIN GOD, DICKIN CIDER, and I stayed behind the first two because of injuries the last because I was the smart one. MILK MY YAK and BARKS ON ALL FOURS went out and soon fifteen minutes later they were back. The Skies out west were black and rain was immient. We enjoyed steaks and burgers at the bar while those hashers tried to navigate the trail. The rains soon hit and it was “BIG FAT RAIN” as Forest Gump might say and still the hashers stayed out there. WE came to find out later that The two GM’s HORN-E and HAPPY were curled up together in a fetal position on someones porch trying to protect themselves from Mother Natures fury. CALVIN’s quote of the night was that the Sky was GREEN??? HAPPY said, “ You could actually feel the air pressure change rapidly and his ears even popped!!” The five of us back in the bar talked about sending out a search party but decided to keep eating our food. The First one back was ROTTEN WHORE, she said “ I have never run so fast back and it wasn’t for beer!!” Slowly the pack came back after tornado Sirens sounded in the suburb of Lyons!! MUDSUCKER wished he had eyeglass wipers so he could find his way home. HORN-E and even his horn was shaking in fear. All made it back safely and we watched the weather move in on Wrigley Field. The storm did pass and we did make it back out onto the patio for a circle. Remember hashers if you hear someone chosing MARLINS bar in the future for a hash be careful of what may happen. TWO HAHSES and TWO WRATH of GOD type thunderstorms is not a good sign!!!

ON ON

NEXT hash MONDAY at STOCKS and BLONDES @ 40 N. Wells

Next Tuesday Movie Night @ 8:25 An Affair to Remember

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

HASH TRASH
July 28, 2008 Bar Atlantic 5200 N. Lincoln

HARES: R-tard-E, Just I Lean
VIRGINS: Just Mary, Just Tina, Just Rodney
VISITORS: Flag No Pole “Aloha Hash”, Silver Spooge ( EveryDay is Wednesday DC
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Corn Star, Just Mark, Just Shaina, Snatchsquatch, Just Lori, Just Joan, Sir Poops A Lot, More Tail, Just Amanda, Just John, Magnetic Muff, Virtually Hung, Super Stuf’her, Mouthful of Meat, Just Eileen, Just Brad, Just Jeff, Its Too Soft, Lower Whackoff, Horn-E, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, I Like Dick, Just Katy

TOTAL HASHERS= 32

The hash ran out of Bar Atlantic in the 5200 N. Block of Lincoln Ave. Again our translator of R-TARD-ESE, JUST I LEAN, did an interpretation of the chalk talk and then we were off!!! The pack was lead by VIRTUALLY HUNG and ran thru the alley behind the bar north. We came to a split at Foster and I caught trail thru the gangway of two buildings. JUST JOHN now was near the front with VIRTUALLY HUNG and I and we came to a check. I went east across Lincoln and found three marks that went between what looked to be some dilapidated public housing buildings, but no one followed.

It turned out that VIRTUALLY HUNG found trail west which was a major short cut but trail is trail so the pack followed him. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT said she heard and saw my whistle but decided to go with the pack. I followed trail and it wound around the cemetery on Western and than cut west on Bryn Mawr. I found a false trail that ended in man’s backyard and he was back there with a friend and a cooler of beer. I asked for a Cerveza and he obliged me.

I continued on and soon realized that the pack had to be in front of me and I was right when I saw true trail marks on most of the marks. I guess I ran an extra 1-1.5 mile tonight but that was all right. I ran through the River Park and saw BN and turned a corner the whole pack was cheering me on to the finish, ok maybe I am exaggerating but they were happy to see me I thought? I LIKE DICK had a cold Lite Beer for me so I was on my second beer stop!!!

We got to the bar in good shape and kicked a few bag playing people out of the backroom and started circle. SNATCHSQUATCH was the RA for today and he soon had the HARES in the circle and throughout the night we hear when one I LEAN drinks or Eileen’s drink. Man I guess she hates her name now!!!

We said Hello to FLAG NO POLE and SILVER SPOOGE along with SIR POOPS A LOT our visitors from parts unknown. Our Virgins JUST TINA, JUST RODNEY, and JUST MARY were shown how to do a proper down down by MORE TAIL, JUST EILEEN, and I LIKE DICK. VIRTUALLY HUNG even took a nap in the circle??

WE said hello to old friends that have been MIA LOWER WHACKOFF, MORE TAIL, SIR POOPS, JUST LORI, and MOUTHFUL OF MEAT!! CHICKEN was the DFL and VIRTUALLY HUNG was our FRB!!! SNATCHSQUATCH soon closed the circle and most people watched the CUBS finally beat the Brewers 6-4 Yeah CUBS!!!! Hope to see you next week!!!

NEXT MOVIE NIGHT IS 8/5/08 The Day the Earth Stood Still

Chicken Stiffer

CH3-GM

HASH TRASH
July 26, 2008 @ THE PARTY CENTRAL SKYDECK 933 W. Wolfram

HARES: Its Too Soft & Super Stuf’her
VIRGINS: Just Mark,
VISITORS: I Pee Freely (CAIRO, EGYPT)
HASHERS: Batteries not Included, Just I LEAN, LIFA, THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER, 2 Tickets too a Pair of Thighs, Magnetic Muff, R They Real, Salty Gash, Just Genesis, PackHer Ass, R-Tard-E, Just Chris, Calvin Klein, Odor Eater, Snathcsquatch, Just Rob, Cums On I Lean, Chicken Stiffer, Just Tony, Just Carrie

TOTAL HASHERS= 24

The Second installment of the CHICAGO HASH on the 4th SATURDAY of the Month saw 24 hashers meander over to Party Central. Some showed up at 2 pm and didn’t leave until 2 am on Sunday. We saw one new VIRGIN JUST MARK and a visitor all the way from EGPYT showed up, I Wanna PEE and he was a SCOTSMAN to boot. I was happy to see The COCKSTER here today because when ONE SCOT DRINKS all SCOTS DRINK!!! THE LESSON ALL HARES SHOULD LEARN TODAY IS NEVER UNDER AND CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LAY TRAIL BY BICYCLE!!!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! [Editorial comment, except when your co-hare shows up like an hour before the hash!]

The pack was small at first but grew after they heard the keg had arrived the trail itself was uneventful we wandered around Wrigley Ville and Lakeview thru alleys and gangways. Usually Lifa was in the lead but a times 2 Tickets too a Pair Thighs was seen near the front. Even Our Visitor took a turn at the front of the pack. The trail was long and miserable with 90-degree heat and a SUPER STUF’her trail of 6-miles the GM was tired and ORNEREY to say the least but CALVIN KLEIN gave the hares numerous down-downs so I was happy in the end.

The Pack made it back in one piece and the circle was conducted. The hashers were allowed to sit in circle today due to the tiredness of the GM and the fact this is the JV hash. The first three down-downs went to the hares so everyone was happy. The FRB was 2 TIKS and our DFL was R-TARD-E. Since we had a keg the circle went for 1-hour and SUPER STUF’her was cooking Chicken and Bacon-wrapped sirloin steak.

Eventually the circle did close and food was served and it was good and there was much rejoicing!!! LIFA soon left to meet up with his cousin for Lake Michigan Fireworks and he got a bullhorn full of crap from us as he waited on the el-platform. Some people left for the UNDERWATER PEOPLE show at the Taste of Lincoln and others stayed back to play FLIPPY CUP. R THEY REAL played and by the end of the night she thought she was at the LA hash! Keg was killed early (always the sign of a good time and the cutting crew got some more cases from the corner liquor store for the long haul. Overall the SATURDAY HASH has been a great success and we will do it again on AUGUST 23, 2008.

NEXT MOVIE NIGHT IS 7/29/08 GRANT PARK BLUES BROTHERS!

NEXT SATURDAY HASH 8/23/08 NEAR TASTE OF GREEK TOWN!!!!

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Hash Trash
July 21, 2008, 7pm Weather Mark Tavern
HARES: Hoosier Daddy, Too Much Head
VIRGINS: Just Nick, Just Kyle, Just Terene
VISITORS: Corn Star (Tampa) but willing to learn the Chicago Way
HASHERS: Cyber Bunny Pimp, R-Tard-E, Horn-e, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Mudsucker, Milk-My-Yak, Just Katy, Just Bill, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, Magnetic Muff, Just Brad, The Enema Canal, Just Eileen, Its Too Soft, Just Julia, International Virgin
TOTAL HASHERS – 24
The Hash braved the extremely bad elements tonight and ran in very cold 75-degree weather. Oh MY GOSH I almost had to wear my sweatpants tonight!!! The pack used the now familiar bar called he WEATHER MARK TAVERN as its starting point. Our hares for the evening were HOOSIER DADDY and TOO MUCH HEAD. They had some ideas for their trail and seemed to execute them well with a beer stop near the CHINATOWN area. Circle was completed and our virgins and newbie’s listened well because none got lost on trail like HORN-E usually does. The trail ran south and finally west and CHICKEN STIFFER seemed to be the FRB for the first half of the trail. JUST I LEAN caught him up and together they found a check just west of CHINATOWN on 26th street? Here the pack followed the CHICKEN under the Dan Ryan and ran through the alleys of numerous Chinese kitchens and restaurants, my oh my were the smells pleasant. The hares decided to be funny and doubled back.
THE ENEMA CANAL and JUST KYLE were now at the front of the pack with the CHICKEN, but only for a moment. Quickly ENEMA and CHICKEN were lost on trail and needed help from some short cutters named R-TARD-E and SNATCHSQUATCH they gave us the correct coordinates and were soon of again in search of beer.
We found that the hares seemed to help the DSL’s namely MILK-My-Yak, MudSucker, and International Virgin because the miraculously got to the front of the pack? CORN STAR also was galloping along at a good pace going further west of Chinatown.
INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN was running with her buddy JUST TERENE who she brought to the hash and we are always grateful if you bring your friends to the hash. The trail turned north and I ran with JUST NICK across a bridge but it seemed we were off trail but we say JUST KYLE running across a railroad bridge over the canal so we took the next right and found the BEER STOP. JUST I LEAN was nice enough to pull the cooler off the tracks and he even threw the GM a beer!!! The rest of the pack came in with MAGNETIC MOUTH, ITS TOO SOFT and his camera, and JUST KATY. Yes we hashed from this bar a month ago but never crossed any trail from the previous time?? We sat at the beer stop for about 15 minutes and watcher AMTRAK park their trains by moving them pack and forth over the tracks, it was sorta annoying.
We finally finished the beer and proceeded to walk or jog back to the bar. Here many hashers enjoyed the $6 burger and pint special that the place offered. The Enema Canal got the circle going and we began to hand out punishment or down-downs. FRB was JUST KYLE our DFL was CUMS ON I LEAN, and or NRB was JUST JULIA. We greeted our virgins JUST TERENE, JUST KYLE, and JUST NICK, and said hello to a new transplant CORN STAR (TAMPA). The ENEMA CANAL kept the circle going and finally stopped it with the traditional Swing LOW!!!
NEXT CHICAGO HASH IS 7/26/08 OR THIS SATURDAY!!!!
NEXT MOVIE NIGHT IS 7/29/08 GRANT PARK “BLUES BROTHERS!”
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

HASH TRASH
July 14 2008, 7pm Beaumont’s
HARES: Chicken Stiffer
VIRGINS: Just Shaina, Just Katy
VISITORS: Hot Lips, Return To Gender,
HASHERS: Uploader, Just Amanda, Mudsucker, Horn-e, Salty Gash, PackHer Ass, Snatch Squatch, Virtually Hung, R-Tard-E, It’s Too Soft, Magnetic Muff, One-Handed Typist, Just Eileen, @ UR Cervix, Just I Lean
TOTAL HASHERS: 20
The Weekend ended with a hash favorite THE Beaumont Bar and many hashers in rehab for the week!!! Nick, Jesus, the bartender was happy to see us again and was ready to give us numerous free pizzas and pitchers of beer!! The night was perfect for running with temperatures in 70’s, we did a quick chalk talk and the pack was away. They ran east on Armitage and quickly found a check in the Lincoln Park OZ Park, but wait the trail double backed on itself. It was funny it didn’ matter which trail the pack took because either one would lead them back across Armitage and there were falses marked all over the Park so you couldn’t run anywhere else. We did lose Return to Gender, R-Tard, and Horn-e on the first check.
Later on Return to Gender caught up with us on Larabee saying, “I should know better and never FOLLOW HORN-E!!!” Good advice for all hashers. I’m sure since Horn-E got lost it had to be a crappy trail, right?? The pack ran south on Larabee and found the trail leading into the St. MIKE’s Church area JUST AMANDA found the path through the parking lot and VIRTULLY HUNG sniffed out the trail going to the BUDDHIST temple. Eventually the pack got to the corner of Wisconsin and Sedgwick where another check slowed down the pack until UPLOADER and JUST I LEAN found marks running thru a remote gate in the corner of a park.
The trail here ran to the Lincoln Park Zoo area via Armitage. I gave JUST EILEEN and JUST KATY a quick short cut and they were back at the front of the pack quickly!!! Many hashers said they had fun running through the park and beautiful neighborhood of Old Town.
The trail began to angle back towards my house and some older hashers like VIRTUALLY HUNG picked up on this and made it quickly to the beer Stop. The Beer stop saw the whole pack together minus THE R-TARD and HORN-E wonder where they went the trail was well swept? The pack got some water and Coors Light and then they took off for the ON IN!! We go back to the bar and I ran the circle. JUST I LEAN and R-TARD-E were the FRB and FBI. DFL’s were HORN-E and R-TARD-E. We made our new virgins JUST SHAINA and JUST KATY drink their first down-down. WE sang we don’t give a fuck about the whole state of MICHIGAN to HOT LIPS. RETURN TO GENDER was our other visitor. @ UR CERVIX drank for spilling beer and being a reboot. SALTY and PACKHER ASS were thanked for all of their work on the POP weekend. Eventually we closed the circle and enjoyed free pizza!!!
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

July 13 2008, 11:30 am JUSTIN’s
Pop Hangover Hash

HARES: Lifa and R-Tard-E

VISITORS: Broken Rubber, Burning Asshole, Coppus Rejectus, Just Kellie, Hot Lips, Just Virginia, Nurse HashShit, Palms 13:15, Postaage Tramp, PMS, Pees Like a Princess, Pup Tent, Return To Gender, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Sausage Stew, Sexorcist

HASHERS: Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Chicken Stiffer, Crop Duster, Its Too Soft, Just I Lean, Likes it on the Bottom, magnetic Muff, Mount Schwiiinga, Mudsucker, PackHer Ass, R-Tard-E, Salty Gash

TOTAL HASHERS: 30

The hash was really exhausted after a hard night of partying but the diehards made it to the hash the next day. 30 hashers showed up at Justin’s and Burning Asshole was chowing down on $1 taco’s!!!!
The Chalk talk was done in the traditional R-Tard-Ease language so LIFA had to interpret for us. The hash had a choice of a short trail or a long trail most took the short but HOT LIPS, RETURN TO GENDER, ITS TOO SOFT, JUST I LEAN, CROP DUSTER, SAUSAGE STEW, and I followed the long 5 mile trail done by R-TARD-E.
The Trail went East and then south running through the neighborhoods just south of Wrigley Field. R-TARD-E teased us today because he could have run by the stadium but never did! HOT LIPS, RETURN TO GENDER, CROP DUSTER and I seemed to be up a the front of the pack with ITS TOO SOFT taking numerous pictures. Eventually the pack found trail leading to the house of SCHWIIINGA where the bad keg from the night before had been properly punished and now felt like being a good little keg and gave us the fucking beer in its belly!!!
CAVLIN lead us in a uneventful circle except for the wrestling match that took place between BROKEN RUBBER and SAUSAGE STEW. You can view this if you go to the hashspace of ITS TOO SOFT. Man if that is FOREPLAY I don’t know what they do for Sex in CUM-BLOW-US. SCHWIIINGA, PACKhER ASS, SALTY and CROP DUSTER got the grill going and we had ourselves a cook out complete with burgers and dogs. The Keg eventually was killed so we went to cans. Overall this was a great way to end the hash weekend on SUNDAY and say good bye to some good friends!!

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Hash Trash:

July 12, 2008 POP the Main Event!!!

FOUR TREY’s 3333 N. Damen

Visitors: Brrr (Austin), BIG HUMPERS: Burning Asshole, Nurse Hashshit, Pees Like a Princess, PMS, Postage Tramp, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Sexorcist. CUM-BLOW-US: Broken Rubber, Sausage Stew, Pup Tent. Nice Try-DECOC, Just Carole (Denver), HOT LIPS (Grand Rapids), Scratchy (GUAM), INDYSCENT : Double Fister, Fishlips, Oral Persuasion, Moan On Trail, KCH3: Extenze for Menz, Fuck My Mom, I is EZ, Waukesha (sucks) 2 Can Slam, Palms 13:15, Creamin and Screamin, Ass Clown (Sir Walter Raleigh) Finger Picken Good (Little Rock), Return to Gender & Just Virgina (Madison), Punch Drunk Beaver & Shaves a hairy Ass (Panama City)

Hashers: 69-cent Man, Coppus Rejectus, Sir Poops A lot, Puke Suit Riot, 2 Tickets to a Pair Thighs, 867-5309, Bag Squeezer, Barks on All Fours, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Chicken Stiffer, Crop Duster, Cuma Slutra, Cums On I Lean, Hoosier Daddy, Inernational Virgin, Its Too Soft, Just Bill, Just Cari, Just I Lean, Just Julia, Just Nettie, Just Saud, Just YK, Lifa, Likes it on the Bottom Magnetic Muff, Milk My Yak, Mount Schwiinga, Mud Sucker, Odor Eater, Packher Ass, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Salty Gash, Sit-N-Pee, Snatch Squatch, Super Stuff’her, The Enema Canal, The Grrrreat Lochness Cockster, Too Much Head, Just John, Virtually Hung, W’all BangHer, Stump Humper, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Uploader, Just Jaime, Just Tony, Just John, Just Amanda, Ez on the Ass, Happy Ass Grabber, The hasher formerly named “I’m Late Again”

VISITORS: 31
CHICAGO HASHERS: 57
Total: 88 HASHERS

I got to the Bar around 1:30 pm and the ladies were already well on their way to getting the hash room ready for the day. SALTY and PACKHER ASS were ready for regos and ROTTEN arrived with ODOR who brought in his DJ equipment for the evening. LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM and 867-5309 were out setting trail and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA was sleeping off a hang over? Slowly hashers began to arrive the most important being MILK MY YAK with BARKS on all FOURS and their 3 lovely 5-gallon containers of IPA home brew!!! The kegs were tapped and IPA was around for all to try. I can barely remember it from hashball damn that stuff is potent. The weather prediction was for thunderstorms throughout the day but nothing ever developed from it. In fact it was a perfect day to run with the cloud cover blocking what could have been a blistering sun from the hashers, causing us to sweat out our alcohol.

The POP ladies conducted the Circle. It was great to see so many familiar faces and a few new ones JUST JAIME and JUST TONY joining the CH3 hash today, but where was CALVIN, PMS, and POSTAGE??? They arrived right at the start because CALVIN missed the ADDISON el-stop? The Pack was off and I walked with CALVIN to the ADDISON stop because he saw marks there and we wanted to be short cutting bastards!!! I guess we missed the shot stop because the CTA was doing construction where the stop was going to be oh darn!!! We got to the first beer stop and there was JUST JOHN, FINGER PICKIN GOOD, JUST I LEAN, and MILK MY YAK with UPLOADER trying to get beer from a bad keg. Being hashers they tried everything. They turned the keg on its side; they turned it upside down, they even yelled at it to come out but to no avail. ROTTEN and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA ran out and got some beer replacements and the pack was happy when they got in.

The Second beer stop was off some where in the distance but before we got there the POP ladies said we would need to pick up playing cards on trail. These would be used at the next beer stop for some games. The next stop was PUKE SUIT RIOTS former abode and to get there we ran by the LINCOLN-BELMON street festival and through CUBS TRAFFIC that was happy after the CUBS beat SF 8-7. MILK MY YAK went back and got one of his 5-gallons of beer for this stop and we had plenty of IPA or HEINEKINS around. The cards were used to give drinks (black) or take drinks (red). MOUNT SCHWIIIINGA also had some hashers tell some jokes or do a dance! HAPPY, BROKEN RUBBER and I? Told some pretty bad jokes. The other team did some dance which involved one hasher pulling down his shorts, go figure? Eventually the Hash was asked to leave by a nice young lady. We invited to join us and CALVIN was even willing to sing her NELLIE DARLING but I don’t think she thought it was funny, too bad?

We got back to the bar around 5:30 pm and CALVIN, SCHWIIINGA, and THE ENEMA CANAL got the circle going. In typical Calvin fashion the Circle ran for about 45-minutes and everyone was nailed with a down-down. I is EZ got back her mug and PACKhER ASS got her gift from INDY. SUPER STUF’HER got the sleeve of death. I’m sure everyone was happy with the event so far no only if the food was good as well!!! The Circle ended and Hot Beef sandwiches with pasta were served. Everyone was happy with the food and ate and ate and ate!!! There still was food left at the end of the night. Our good friend ODOR got the party going with some music and the party room/ garage got hot so we went looking for a way to open the garage door. PACKhER ASS being every so resourceful conned the info out the bartender and found the garage door opener in the flower basket. The door magically lifted and cool night air floated in. This also allowed our resident smokers to step quickly outside for a puff.

Flippy cup was played by STEWY, STUFF’HER, JUST AMANDA, CHICKEN, RETURN TO GENDER, and others. ROTTEN WHORE danced on the tabletop and we have named her newfound friends on her chest as Exhibit A and Exhibit B!!! Overall I began to lose track of time, but I do know that more kegs were sent for and they arrived in magic white chariot or maybe it was jus a white van? The end of the night found JUST I LEAN mopping the floor because liquor was spilled on the bar room floor and the shop was closed for the night.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 6/28/08 CHICAGO JV- #1
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: The Union
VIRGINS: Just Martin, Just Max, Just Eric, Just Noah
VISITORS: K.O. (Boise Larrikins) Too Drunk (Boise Larrikins)
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Just John, Just Brett, The Porcelain God, The Great Lochness Cockster, 2 Tickets Too A Pair a Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Moan On Trail,
VIRGINS= 5
VISTORS= 2
TOTAL HASHERS= 17

Well the CHICAGO HASH JV #1 took place on Saturday and my thoughts were we would be lucky to get 10 hashers to show up, but we got 17 people out on the first hash and I was surprised. R-TARD-E was drinking at NOON good R-TARD. WRAPPER SNATCHER gave me a big kiss for promoting this idea because she can�t hash on Monday nights and has no car to get out to other hashers. This was the sentiment of 4 other Chicago Hashers one that was present and 3 that were not but said they will show up for the JV hash #2 if they can. This was the main reason to start this hash going but two other reasons presented themselves today as well. We had two great visitors from the BOISE LARRIKINS hash who would have gone without hashing today if it wasn�t for this hash; something I completely forgot about was the possibility of more visitors showing up? Boy am I a dumb ass or what? Don�t answer that!!! The other reason was to allow more virgins to make hash and they did and they loved it!!
The Hash started at 1 pm and even that didn�t seem to screw anyone up people made it on time and 2 TICKETS TOO A PAIR A THIGHS and THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER even arrived at their usual time, 5-minutes late. Our new virgins got in the spirit of things and JUST MARTIN, JUST MAX, and JUST ERIC were doing te-kill-me shots before they ran I set a live trail through the beautiful architecture of Lincoln Park/Lakeview neighborhoods. I ran through alleyways and alleys and even cut right by the CHICKEN house, which confused many hashers who thought the beer stop would be there. The trail ended at the OLD PARTY CENTRAL where our lovely hostess MOAN ON TRAIL waited for us with semi-cold TECATE. The pack came in with the THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER as our FRB and ROTTEN WHORE was our FBI. We waited for the rest to show up but TOO DRUNK was having a calf problem. I didn�t set trail to the farm of the LINCOLN PARK ZOO so I had no idea what he was talking about.
The pack made it back to the Union where we took over the bar from two patrons and when we sang our songs with verve and gusto they decided to leave the beer garden to the hashers. ROTTEN WHORE was given a down-down for using three lines to mark true trial, which confused our visitors because three lines in Boise is a false trail. We sang songs for our virgins and we called out JUST JOHN and WRAPPER SNATCHER for no hash attire. THE RA-CHICKEN was given a down-down for great weather and shitty trail. ITS TOO SOFT couldn�t even sing the song he picked for the RA correctly and was punished. MOAN ON TRAIL showed up in her familiar plaid blue hat and drank RED BULL and VODKA, hmmm good!!! The PORCELAIN GOD was being too frisky with the SNATCHER and was called out as well. The Circle lasted about 30 minutes and we enjoyed $6 pitchers of Bud Light and $10 pitchers of Guinness and then we sang Swing Low. After we did close circle we got arounf to naming JUST BRETT. Names
like big feet, little dick and other red headed names flew but JUST BRETT is now SNATCHSQUATCH. The CUBS-SOX game was on and about half-hour after we closed circle the heavy deluge came so no one else can claim they ran this hash because all the marks are now gone. JV # 2 should take place on JULY 26, 2008 and we might tie it into the LINCOLN STREET FESTIVAL. Maybe run at 1 pm and then go see a great band play?

CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM