Chicago Hash House Harriers

Soggy Deposits and Uploader were our hares out of Chris’s Northwoods on North Ave. We had a nice pack of 24 running and walking Trail Hounds that included Disco Balls, Are They Real and Just Heather, a virgin who came just for Uploaders birthday, who walked to the stops. Our trail went south on Ashland for one block and then into an alley and south another block. Here Chicken Stifer led us to a Back Check. Well, we know he would rather range and he waited until the trail was found in another alley heading west. Chicken Stifer ranged and the rest of the pack ran down the alley. And guess what? The trail didn’t come out where expected. Instead it led to an instant Shot Stop. While the pack gathered, for shots, Chicken Stifer, our only MIA, ranged back to trail and was seen several blocks away running in first. Remember, ranging can cost you. You win some and you lose some. And shot stops and beer stops can happen anywhere.
So we finally ran on to the west to Damen and then north where we caught another Back Check. This led through an alley and finally over to Bloomingdale where the pack was stuck for a bit. But we had caught Chicken Stifer and he was finally ON. This led to an Uploader Check where he had his accident. We all high fived for his survival and went on. Trail went to the north and east and finally after a good split, we ran to the south on Elston. This is a long straight and some of the FRBs finally got out and running including Taste The Rainbow who became FRB of the day. At the first possibility for a left, trail went left. Again Chicken Stifer was waiting for a clue as to where the trail went and when it headed south, he paralleled. A whole pack followed him. We crossed North Ave and he kept going south, paralleling. Then he suddenly headed west through a parking lot. Thinking he was now ON, I almost followed when SnatchSquatch and Its To Soft yelled out that it was the turkey trail. Turkey Trail? No fucking way. We are young and able bodied. So the three of us headed west, back on the Turkey Trail, and found the Turkey Eagle Split. Now this is trail, and we took off. After several blocks we got back to Elston and saw Salty Gash and Fistful Of Pricks ahead. Horn-E left Its Too Soft and SnatchSquatch behind and followed and finally caught Salty Gash and Fistful Of Pricks and we ran on into the Beer Stop together. Apparently EZ On The Ass and Uploader caught up with the other Eagles and they ran in together, or not. There were many Turkeys on this beautiful day for running.
Just a thought. Wouldn’t it be fun if no beer was allowed to be tapped until the Eagles have landed. At least the first one. You could hide the beer and only give a clue to those on the Eagle trail. So the Turkeys would have to wait until the Eagles have landed to find the beer. Hmmm.
I digress. The beer was in a back yard, out of the wind, and the sun was so warm, it was T-Shirt weather. But all beer stops end and we walked two blocks back to the bar.
Beer was served and at $5/pitcher, it lasted long. Beer Spill Valdez led the circle and our hares drank plenty. So did the visitors, Return to Gender and Occupied. We also had virgins, Just Heather, Just Chris and Just Jenna. Taste The Rainbow was FRB, Chicken Stifer was SCB and Salty Gash was DFL. But, really, she wasn’t. Who else was on trail? Two Girls One Cupcake, O’Shitty Runch, Just Do Me Slowly, Where’s The Sausages, and Just Reed. We also had to girls join our party after circle, Just Andrea and Just Heather who said they want to join us.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 20 Mar 2011 By Horn-E

All right, with my bad wrist, I didn’t want to run and risk another fall. Smart or coward? You figure it out.
We ran from Ollie’s. Because of rain, Glory Hole went to relay the trail, live. After a quick circle led by the other hare, The Dark Kunt, a pack of fifteen was off. So I took off walking the trail and trying to keep the pack in sight. At the end of a long alley, I was only about 50 feet behind Lifa. That didn’t last long. Trail headed west and eventually across Broadway and I tried to keep them in sight by paralleling. It was working and a few blocks later I saw Beer Spill Valdez disappearing a block and a half ahead. Trail headed back to Broadway and I assume a Check. Suddenly they headed north and I was only a half block behind Lifa. Yeah, like that lasted. North of Bryn Mawr, the pack disappeared to the east. I paralleled and saw no one. Finally at Sheridan Rd. I saw a lot of flashing lights to the north. Fire? I could only assume at this point that the trail went over to Lincoln Park. It did and I was ahead of the pack. But why?
Are you ready for this. Glory Hole was playing live hare, but it had nothing to do with the dead guy on trail. and I don’t mean Dead Guy Ale. Really. Sad, but true. As I was told, trail went north on Sheridan and crossed the street, right were there was an accident with this dead guy laying on the sidewalk. Hashers went on by and went over to the lakefront, but there were no marks. Lifa said he returned and saw a southbound arrow under the dead guy. The pack was off, and I’m just reporting what happened. Sorry about the victim.
Meanwhile Horn-E is walking south in the park and wondering why the pack isn’t following. He actually spotted some marks and finally went wrong on a Split. Rain came and he headed east and over to the beer stop. Just before arriving Horn-E saw Pull My Pork pulling Cum In My Ass Fault into an alley. All right, they were supposedly on trail. So Horn-E directed Caught Red Headed after them and walked to the beer stop. and Horn-E was actually on trail and they weren’t. There were a few hashers already there when I arrived and we enjoyed a beer before heading back to Ollie’s. At the finish I found out that Tampon Tampoff managed to arrive, reeeealy late and managed to see the pack and get to the beer stop, making a pack of sixteen now.
Beer Spill Valdez led the circle and he is getting into being an RA. He took my suggestion and started something new, a SCB down down. That is Short Cutting Bastard. And since Horn-E walked and actually short cut a good part of the trail, he got this one. Well deserved, although Tampon Tampoff was also deserving. We got a chance to meet our three visitors, That Will Never Fly from Dayton and Used Virgin and Ring Around The Russel from Motown Ann Arbor. We also had Trail Hounds, Chunder Pussy, Its Too Soft, 10 K Tika Ho, 10 Diks With Wings, Chicken Stifer and Salty Gash on trail. And we had one House Puppy, Mouthful Of Meat.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash, 6 Mar 2011, by Horn-E

We met at Brenden’s Too and out hares were Salty Gash and The International Virgin. This was also Salty Gash’s first time haring. Oooops. Actually it wasn’t a bad course and longer then we have been getting use to lately with to many shorter trails. Good. We are a running club. And there were some straights that were verging on to long. We also had a problem with marks being to far apart, and often not were we would normally look for them. Add to that the flour marks in blue and red on snow, that melted, leaving the marks sinking into grass and harder to see. All right, I’m criticizing, but Salty Gash wanted to know. She’ll get better as she hares more often.
We took off to the north for a block and then headed west. Chicken Stifer was already short cutting and we didn’t see him again until the beer stop. At Kedzie we had a Triple Split and SnatchSquatch swore it would go south. Another MIA. It went west and north and never went south. Meanwhile, The new hasher, Pool Job, who actually ran from the lakefront about three miles to the start, was still warmed up and he just headed west and we barely kept him in sight for most of the trail. We did head west and west and a bit north and very infrequent Splits and Checks and worked our way almost to Pulaski and north to Foster. I did find myself running with various hashers along the way, O’Shitty Runch, Lifa, Pull My Pork, 10 Dix With Wings and others. But always there seemed to be someone disappearing two blocks ahead and looking back, someone a block or more behind. Strung out all over. We finally turned back to the east and went through a park and over a bridge and west towards North Park College. I was now running with Lifa and we could see a group ahead including Magnetic Muff in bright yellow. We went down an alley and came to Kimball. Those in front went through a parking lot and Horn-E was falling behind. Yes, again. Getting stuck with traffic, he headed south and then entered North Park College Campus a half block later. Now paralleling those just ahead, He came to a path near a bridge. 10 Dix With Wings came his way saying she was at a Check. We had those on this trail? Anyway, we found a mark. Horn-E led across a footbridge and found another. 10 Dix With Wings took the lead and found a third. After blowing the horn several times, he finally saw Lifa in the distance following. Go. And we did. We came to a Triple Split at Kedzie and 10 Dix With Wings was on straight. By then, Horn-E was a block south and he paralleled for several blocks finally spotting Pull My Pork coming his way. There was another Check to the north and apparently we caught a pack in front of us. Pull My Pork did manage to find the trail and Horn-E was right behind him. We worked our way south and back west, across Kedzie to the Beer Stop at the home of Salty Gash. She actually let us inside and there were Jello shots and other shots and beer and all was good.
Now, Salty Gash lives right across the hall from Magnetic Muff. She managed to leave the marks around their condo building after Magnetic Muff left for the hash so even she didn’t know where the beer stop would be. Well done.
Back at the bar we finally got into the beer and had a circle. We were formally introduced to our virgin, Just Reed. Welcome to hashing. And we had a visitor from Washington DC, Bored And Curious. After the circle, SnatchSquatch held one of the better naming circles I’ve seen. Orderly and mostly calm. We got many good ideas and finally we named Just John, Caught Red Headed. A take off on his red hair and ……
The hash lasted late and many got some food from across the street and just stayed on as the beer kept flowing. O’Shitty Runch managed to talk Cum In My Ass Fault to ride home with him on his bike, a tandem bike. Caught Red Headed, Horn-E, SnatchSquatch and Two Girls One Cupcake finally closed it out about 11:30. Others on trail hounds were Mouthful Of Meat, Its Too Soft, Beer Spill Valdez, Corn Star, and Glory Hole. We also had a bunch of house puppies show up, The Dark Kunt, Mudsucker, Mount Schwiiinga, Rotten Whore and her friend, Just Rick.