Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1576

Dec. 14, 2008 @ O’Lanagans

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1576

HARES: Ginger Snatch, Cumma Slutra, Just Amy
VIRGINS: Just Jana
VISITORS: Scam
HASHERS: Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Bloody Thighs, Lifa, Just Shaina, Hoosier Daddy, Bang Me Blow Me, Calvin Klein, Bloody Asshole, KGB, Erin GO Buff, Assfault, It’s Too Soft. R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, Super Stufher, Snatchsquatch, Just Andy, Asscapade,

TOTAL HASHERS � 25

This hash used the old hash bar of O’Lanagans today. Our hares set a decent trail, one that took us by the house of the Governor. I don’t know why there were so many TV cameras around there did something significant happen with him the past couple of days? GINGER SNATCH, CUMMA SLUTRA, and JUST AMY were the beautiful ones who set the trail today in the 50-degree weather, and I thought the Avg. temp. for Chicago in December was 26-degrees. 25 hashers braved this unseasonably warm weather to run in the Lincoln Square neighborhood. Some like JUST SHAINA were so uncomfortable with the temp. that they had to strip off some of their clothes. The chalk talk was given and LIFA and BLOODY ASSHOLE (DRY ERASE BOARD) were off as the FRB’s our visitor SCAM was in close contact. CALVIN and I crossed the park across the street and found trail on the north side of the park. We cut back south and were soon stymied by a Check on Lincoln and Montrose. LIFA I believe screwed this one up but the pack like lemmings followed his mistake. We got to sit on the corner for a while and talk with ASSFAULT who has not been to the CH3 for some time and KGB caught up to the pack after arriving late. The Trail ran west now across the four-lane highway named WESTERN. The pack with BANG ME, BLOW ME hit the Chicago River and ran along its muddy bank until Montrose where we crossed over and made our way to the HOUSE OF ROD. SUPER STUFHER, JUST I LEAN, and I were the leaders at this time and found the beer stop at the House of GINGER SNATCH. CALVIN was the DFL because he stopped to fish in the Chicago River for a few minutes in this balmy weather. I think he caught a Sucker Fish? We had our beers and made our way back to the bar.
Back at the bar the Pumpkin five some of LIFA, SNATHCSQUATCH, HOOSIER DADDY, ASSCAPADES, and I got down-downs for our collective color unison. Calvin would have been included but he changed before circle. CALVIN our RA kept the circle flowing and the beers were poured by Rebecca our bar keep for the day. CUMS ON I LEAN arrived late and was promptly escorted into the circle for her down-down. BLOODY THIGHS and will be happy to see the end of the week when we would be done with our teaching duties and the ANHTHRAX would begin. JUST JANA friend of SNATCHSQUATCH made her first foray into the hashing world today and she even likes beer, which is a plus for a hasher. The hash sang her a nice song and welcomed our new virgin hopefully we will see her next week at the ANTHRAX HASH. The CALVIN circle slowly came to a close but not before one for one of the Denizens of the bar came for a down-down and in his slurred speech he said something that R-TARD-E translated because this man also spoke R-Tardese. SEE YOU ALL AT THE PARTY THAT STARTS FRIDAY!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The History of Anthrax

The History of the Great Chicago Anthrax Scare Hash & Santa Hat Run
By It’s Too Soft / Fuji, Chicago’s Original Hazmat Hare

Episode I: The Beginning – Just Santa Hats & Colder Than Hell – Sunday December 22, 2002

In 2002 I started my hashing career in Chicago with the frigid death march better known as the “St Valentines Day Massacre” hash out of Clark’s in Chicago’s historic Lincoln Park neighborhood where I live. My second hash wasn’t until April sometime at a Waukesha Full Moon in Bayview as I was working in Wisconsin at the time so was there on weeknights, thus starting my “dual citizenship” as both a Chicago and Waukesha hasher which continues to this day.

One time at the Chicago Fall Mismanagement band camp I do recall asking why Chicago being from a much larger city only has one major event each year (PoP) while Waukesha had two (Red Dress & Pearl Harbor). There was some discussion about maybe doing a “Great Chicago Fire” event or something like that but generally enthusiasm was limited so the it went no further. However in hindsight I believe I had tempted the fickle finger of fate that day.

Fast forward to Sunday, December 22 2002, a brutally cold and windy day in Chicago. I picked the Hidden Shamrock on Halsted because the bar is close to home and the manager, Kathy was a friend of mine so we got great pitcher specials for the hash despite being in a very expensive bar and neighborhood. Having plenty of flour thanks to 25lb bags for $3.57 from Sam’s Club I hurried to throw down extra large marks so they wouldn’t blow away in the gale force winds that day.

A few hardy souls gathered for the First Annual Santa Hat Hash, I think ambient temperature was like 20 degrees and probably single digits if you took into account the wind chill, and about thirty minutes late (I went out the night before, big surprise) the pack was soon off but daylight was rapidly failing. The trail zig-zagged roughly North and East a bit before heading into the and by the Zoo and Conservatory, then back into the neighborhood. A check at Lincoln, Halsted and Webster went East to the beer stop but 2/3 of the pack just declared f*ck it and ran straight up Halsted back to The Rock (our local slang term for the starting and on-in bar, the Hidden Shamrock) so only a half dozen made it to the beer check which was on my friend Jennifer’s rooftop deck at Cleveland & Fullerton.

Back at the bar the pack’s mood improved as the beers flowed freely. Flounder from Waukesha came in early to watch the English soccer matches so was in rare form by the time and the highlight of the night was when Waukesha visitor HO Gauge (Just Susan at the time) was photographed exiting the Men’s room followed by Mudsucker (see pic above). I only took three pictures that night on my crappy HP digital camera as there was no Fujirazzi back then. Eventually everyone left in good holiday spirits with no idea that one of the greatest hash anthrax scare catastrophes was yet to come.

Pictures: www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.7sgntrv7&x=0&y=-pfgxdk

Click Here to Go to 7th Anthrax Home Page and to Register!

Episode II: The Day We Will Never Forget – Tuesday, December 24, 2002

It was Tuesday, Christmas Eve two days after the Santa Hat run and I was at Chicago O’Hare airport waiting to board a flight back home to Philadelphia to spend Christmas with my family when IT HAPPENED.

A park worker in Lincoln Park by the Zoo came across my marks from the hash three days earlier and called the Chicago Police who promptly alerted the Chicago Fire Department who responded and tested the flour marks with their new hazardous material testing equipment and got a false positive reading for “anthrax-like substances” and promptly declared a Level 3 Hazmat Situation, closed down a five block area of Lincoln Park, sent all the workers at the Zoo and Conservatory home and scrambled pretty much every available first-responder on the North Side.

One of our hashers who worked for a local newspaper noticed that the incident occurred near where we had hashed the previous Sunday and contacted our GM at the time, Mudsucker who contacted me and Virtually Hung who went to the scene to talk with Fire officials. Eventually one of the Fire Lieutenants on the scene reached me on my cell and they sent a squad car out to the B Terminal of Chicago O’Hare Airport and escorted me to O’Hare Fire Station #3 where I got to speak live to the Fire Department officials on the scene and explain where I left my flour marks.

At the end of the day it all ended well. The police and fire personnel at O’Hare were extremely cool and professional when I explained the flour and the hash. The city ended up viewing the whole incident as a good “training exercise” and never came after the hash for the costs of the incident. Apparently their equipment was new and they hadn’t finished calibrating it yet, not to mention we were next to the Zoo with all kinds of naturally occurring trigger substances and we learned to make sure we had good contacts with local law enforcement and to this day the number one charity supported by the Chicago Hash is that of the Chicago Police Department.

The picture to the left is of me the day of the Great Chicago Anthrax Scare at O’Hare Fire Station #3 after I’d explained to the firefighters about the hash and the incident was over. They were very cool and even allowed me to get a picture of me next to one of the largest pumper fire engines I had ever seen (I suppose they need to be ready in case a 747 goes down!) to prove I was actually there! Note the date stamp in the lower left corner “02 12 24”. A date that will live in hash infamy.

Links to News Reports of Santa Hat Run Hash Marks Mistaken for Hazardous Substance in Lincoln Park

Chicago Tribune Articles:

12/24 Edition – “Suspicious powder deemed harmless”
12/25 Edition – “False alarm unnerves Lincoln Park”

Chicago Sun Times Articles:

12/24 Edition – “’Suspicious’ powder just trail marker”
12/25 Edition – “How I helped solve zoo mystery”

WBBM Newsradio 780 Chicago Coverage:

12/24 Edition – “SUSPICIOUS POWDER CLOSES PORTION OF LINCOLN PARK NEIGHBORHOOD”
12/25 Edition – “Chicago Police Find Flour Is Not Anthrax”

Episode III: 2nd Anthrax, Sunday December 21, 2003

This was the only Anthrax Run not to start from the Hidden Shamrock as it was A-A from My Bar (now closed) at Ashland and Addison in Roscoe Village. We got great pitcher specials there because it was the sister bar to The Union which is owned by our friend TJ. Neither the weather (hazy overcast and not really all that cold) nor the trail were especially memorable, a long east-west horseshoe which zig-zagged east to Wrigley Field along the Roscoe-Addison corridor and back West mostly along Waveland-Grace.

We probably had about two dozen hashers and everyone wore Santa hats on the trail and at the on-in and pretty much owned the bar and took over the backroom. Lots of the old school crowd were there and many beers were consumed and the pack left that night in good spirits.

Pictures:www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.87v6fq87&x=1&y=z5jkkf

Episode IV: Back To The ROCK & Hazmat Suit Fashion Show
3rd Anthrax, Sunday, December 19, 2004

After our foray into Roscoe Village, in 2004 Anthrax returned to its spiritual home, the Hidden Shamrock on Halsted. It was a pretty friggin cold day, about 16 degrees but clear and with just a touch of residual snow on the ground. What made it unique is Milk My Yak got a few dozen white disposable coveralls from work and brought them to the hash. By now people were starting to have fun with the concept and we had like three dozen turn out on a bitter day.

As per the “return to tradition” theme, the trail reprised the original catastrophe but with better weather, way more daylight and a much bigger pack as it wound a bit north at first then headed straight for the park, with a check at the infamous Diversey/Sheridan/Stockton/Lincoln Park West intersection and the went South through the Zoo and the Zoolights festival, then back West with a beer/hot chocolate stop at Fuji’s Party Central Classic (way too small of a space for that many people!!) and then back to The Rock for circle and many holiday beers.

Pictures: www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.2b5z8s9f&x=0&y=gup9da

Episode V: The Party Grows – 4th Anthrax, Sunday December 18, 2005

Well now people are really starting to get into this as a sunny and relatively mild (for Chicago December) day was bestowed upon us as this time nearly four dozen gathered at the Rock for what is fast becoming a and annual Chicago Holiday tradition. Once again Yak scored us some ersatz hazmat suits, the pack got to run in the park and through the Zoolights Festival, and ended up back at The Rock for the traditional holiday blizzard of down-downs.

Both Anthrax and Chinese New Year were fast gaining momentum towards becoming big CH3 theme hashes Memorial Day also starting to gather steam, the Chicago hash landscape was rapidly evolving away from everything else is regular hashes except for PoP we had seen the last few years, a change for the better! 4th Anthrax was quite the good party but we had no idea what was coming and that soon Anthrax would mutate into a completely different organism!!

Pictures:www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.4i83twv3&x=0&y=m29e2q

Episode VI: 5th Anthrax Joins #1469 To Become Chicago’s 2nd “Major”
Saturday, December 16 2006

Fast forward to Summer 2006, Chicago MisManageMent had a big problem, 5th Anthrax and Chicago 1469 were looking like they were gonna be on consecutive weekends and no-one wanted to have two event hashes back to back. We were saved by the bell because if we counted PoP’s hangover hash then 1469 moved onto the same weekend as Anthrax and if we moved both from Sunday to Saturday we could have big event and visitors from other area hashes could join us and that is exactly what happened.

Pre-lube party at The Union where cheep beer and a flock of already heavily pre-lubed Big Humpers made the preparty a blowout of epic proportions and foreshadowing the carnage to come. This year we started from The Rock as per tradition but rented out the party room at Durkin’s as we expected way more than we thought we could jam into The Rock and boy we were right as we more than doubled the event to about 90 for the main event with our traditional trail through the Lincoln Park and the Zoo and a beer stop with a full keg at Batteries’ high rise party room on Clark Street and a second beer stop on the brand new Party Central SkyDeck.

Afterwards everyone poured back to Durkin’s party room where we had four hours of open bar waiting for the thirsty pack along with food catered from Chicago classic, Brown’s Chicken & Pasta. I won’t begin to describe all the down-downs but suffice to say this was Anthrax’s coming out party going from a big local deal to a regional major event as for some reason this thing drew more visitors than I can ever remember coming in for PoP and due to some planning issues with the latter had now a shot at becoming the highlight of the Chicago Hash calendar. After our party at Durkins a bunch of die-hards headed out to Ivy on Clark in Wrigleyville to dance the night away in truly silly form. We didn’t really plan a hangover hash but designated Second City’s Annual Christmas hash on Sunday as the hangover, a bit late for the visitors but some hungover CH3 hashers made it I hear.

Pictures:

Preparty @ The Union http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.c9pjqikj&x=0&y=4on2hz

5th Anthrax @ The Rock & Durkin’s http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.7gnzdpmr&x=0&y=-bnfvla

Episode VII: The Great Blizzard of 2007 6th Anthrax, Saturday December 15 2007

Well now the word was starting to get out and efforts to roadtrip to other Midwest hashes’ major events were really starting to get us on the radar screen as we blew the doors off with total attendance at around 114 which makes it the largest Chicago area hash I can recall but what really made it memorable was THE BLIZZARD.

But before I start with Anthrax we did another pre-lube where we did a five bar holiday pub crawl which suffice to say kicked off the weekend of festivities with authority starting at Wrightwood Tap.

Back to Anthrax, it wasn’t really that cold or windy and we had a slew of hares and multiple beer stops planned again but what we didn’t count on is it started to snow just as we circled up by the elementary school near The Rock, well the snow continued to fall and at the rate of nearly an inch an hour pretty much obliterated the hares’ trail in effect making it a live hare run with a pack of 100!!! One of our planned shot stops by the Lincoln Park Zoo was also visited by a wedding party trolley and the participants were highly amused by the hash. The pack then proceeded to invade Party Central where the keg hoist served its duty getting a keg to the SkyDeck and then back to the party room at Redmond’s where we had enough beer to kill a small elephant and food catered in from a Thai restaurant around the corner. Plenty of down downs for the hares and everyone and generally a great time was had by all.

But this time the story didn’t end there where after the fun we had with a visitor-friendly hangover hash earlier that July on Sunday we decided to do it again, this time ending back at The Rock where Anthrax used to run. A great time was had by all and our friends from Big Hump left in great spirits, so good that they continued the party on the Megabus and what ensued became the legendary “MEGABUS OF SHAME” incident! I can’t do that story justice except to say that several were tossed off the Megabus by local law enforcement in downstate Illinois and had to bum a ride back home from relatives! Check out Do My Butt’s Album for the great story.

Pictures

Prelube Pub Crawl – www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.5oyli6cn&x=0&y=-r4f2a6

6th Anthrax @ The Rock & Redmond’s – www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.6ophle1z&x=0&y=-fhu1kn

Hangover Hash @ The Rock – www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.22lngck7&x=0&y=pr7qg7

Do My Butt’s Megabus of Shame – Story and link to pix at http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/big-hump/message/1698

Episode VIII: 7th Anthrax @ The Beaumont, Saturday December 20 2008

This story has yet to be written, hopefully with your help but in the spirit of bringing “Change You Can Believe In” we have a kickass new venue – which also happens to be one of our favorite Lincoln Park hash bars, but now instead of taking over the double-wide front bar we have rented out the big backroom which normally is only used as a late night nightclub. Look out cuz this place has one of those formidable 5am licenses and the hotties start streaming in around midnight.

We have some really great food lined up from a local favorite Robinson’s who is known for great BBQ ribs, chicken etc. Pre-lube will be another pub crawl and the hangover hash will once again be in Lincoln Park too and visitor friendly so look out for another Megabus of Shame. What will you be spending your Monday, December 23 denying occurred at 7th Anthrax? Register today and find out!!!

Party on on to 7th Anthrax!

Fuji

CH3 #1575

Hare(s): Specklebird
Venue: Independence Tap – 3932 W. Irving Park Rd, Chicago
Hash Cash: This time we go with SC @ $4 (drink fast!) despite the NY Giants’ Plaxico Burress taking a loaded handgun out with him for Christmas shopping this past week.

View Larger Map
That’s right, we don’t know much, but we do know that we will be drinking beer and ambulating like Idiots from the Independence Tap located at Irving Park Rd. and Pulaski.
The great and honorable Idiot himself will be presiding over festivities. Rhotan? you innocently ask…No, hisonner, the right noble Specklebird. This is also one of many chances you have to own one of the coveted (by someone I’m sure) Idiot’s Day shirts. ($10-$11.50 for idiots, $15 for proven idiots).
Walkers trail is usually provided, dogs, children and child-like behavior also welcome and expected. Bring some tasty comesteble for the On-In. Beverages will be in abundance.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Sheridan, take the Irving Park #80 (or X80 if you’re lucky!) to Harding which is a block before Pulaski.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Irving Park, hoof it 1-1/2 blocks East to Harding.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Irving and Harding. Parking is pleasantly findable in this neck of the hoods.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1574

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1574 – Nov. 30, 2008 @ MITCHELL’S (THE OLD PUFFER’s)
HARES: Bloody Thighs, Lifa, Mudsucker
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Cums in Taxi’s, Just Greg, Abu Beaver
HASHERS: Happy Ass Grabber, Ez on the Ass, Chicken Stiffer, R-Tard-E, Just I Lean, Milk-My-Yak, Public Pisser, Erin Go Buff, Snatchsquatch, Horn-e
Total- 16
It was a cold Sunday on a Holiday weekend on the South side that saw the hash running thru some historical sites. Today we ran thru the old Union Stockyard Entrance and along Bubbling Creek. We also passed the Church our very own Mayor Daley attends and then finally ended up at the house of MUDSUCKER for a beer stop. The Pack saw some die-hards come out today on a rainy cold trail. ERIN GO BUFF showed up in the nick of time just before the pack was on out. The Main pack today was HAPPY, EZ, CHICKEN, P-P, ERIN GO BUFF, JUST GREG, and ABU BEAVER. We seemed to work well and find the correct trail. ERIN GO BUFF and I even find a quick short cut over a fence while the rest of the pack did a circle jerk that ended up on 35th street. R-TARD-E and JUST I LEAN were walking and running today so they were a little behind. JUST GREG tried whistling for HORN-E but he said he just climbing a tree to try a get to a short cut? The pack ran many straight a-ways today but we finally did make it back to the bar where MILK-MY-YAK and SNATCHSQUATCH were waiting for us to return. MUDSUCKER set-up free hotdogs for us and $6 pitchers, which was not a bad combo for the day. We had a quick circle and then many ran back home to watch a dismal Bears game.
–
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM
_______

CH3 #1574

Hare(s): Lifa, Bloody Thighs & Mudsucker
Venue: Mitchells, 3356 S. Halsted (used to be Puffers)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the government’s latest bailout of Citigroup!
The pitchers will be $6.25 each (normal price) but they will also put out hot dogs for us to eat.
Be prepared to run some train tracks, e.g. urban shiggy.
I will have the Bears on the big screen TV after the hash (Sunday night game), so the party can gravitate to Mudsucker’s abode after the hash to watch the Bears crush (hopefully) the Vikings!!!
Mud
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to 35th, hoof it four blocks East to Halsted and then two blocks South on Halsted to the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jackson, switch to Red Line to 35th, hoof it four blocks East to Halsted and then two blocks South on Halsted to the bar.
or – Orange Line to Halsted, then #8 Halsted bus south for 1 mile to 33rd.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to exit the Dan Ryan at 31st street, west to Halsted (3/4 mile), left to 3356. Or exit 35th (Sox Park), west to Halsted, right to 3356.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1573

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1573 – Nov. 23, 2008 @ Just Shaina’s

HARES: Just Shaina, Poultry Fucker, Ginger Snatch, Chicken Stiffer
VIRGINS: Just Erica, Just Camillo
VISITORS: Cums in Taxi’s
HASHERS: Snatchsquatch, Virtually Hung, Lochness Cockster, Crop Duster, Two Tickets too a Pair Thighs, Are They Real, Cumma Slutra, Just I Lean, R-Tard-E, More Tail, Super Stuffher, Mouthful of Meat, Cums on I Lean, It’s Too Soft, Happy Ass Grabber & Turbo Dog, One-Handed Typist, Just Andy, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mudsucker
TOTAL HASHERS – 28

This trail was set by POULTRY F*CKER and GINGER SNATCH and ran through the Avondale neighborhood with CROP DUSTER ending up being the FRB into the beer stop with VIRTUALLY HUNG and LOCHNESS COCKSTER close behind. JUST SHAINA was at home cooking the 25 lbs turkey and many were happy later to learn that she was. The pack was happy to see a keg back at the on-in and actually did finish the 15.5 gallons by 7 pm that night. MORE TAIL’s garlic potatoes went over along with ARE THEY REAL desert. JUST I LEAN and SUPER STUFFHER performed the caving duties today and CALVIN ran the circle. Circle ran for about 45 minutes and then we devoured the Turkey dinner set in front of us. Much thanks goes out to JUST SHANIA for the use of her place and a lovely place it is. Hope people had a Happy THANKSGIVING I know I did.

—
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

CH3 #1573

Chicago Hash #1573 – 11.23.08 @ Casa de Just Shaina – Thanksgiving Dinner Hash

Hare(s): JUST SHAINA, GINGER SNATCH, and POULTRY F*CKER
Venue: Casa de Just Shaina
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the hash not getting any of the $700 Billion Federal TARP (Troubled Assets Relief Program) for beer. Hash cash will be $5 if you bring a side dish (green beans, potato salad, sweet potatoes, corn. what ever

We have turkey, cornbread, mac & cheese, oh and beer a keg. Shaina’s place has a 50 inch plamsa so the bears game will be on!!!!!

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, Belmont 77 bus West to Monticello between Monticello and Lawndale which is generally between the Kennedy and Milwaukee Ave.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Belmont, hoof it a few blocks west to Monticello.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Belmont & Monticello. I have absolutely no idea what parking is like in this area but shouldn’t be too bad.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1572

Nov. 16, 2008 @ Mad River Tavern
HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1572

HARES: Crop Duster & R-Tard-E
VIRGINS: Just Randy, Just Jessica, Just Sarah
VISITORS: Mookie (Stockholm Hash)
HASHERS: Just Taylor, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Buff, Horn-e, Hot Pants, Friend of Hot Pants, Smell This, Glory Hole, Stupid Man, One Handed Typist, Just Adam, Stab’em and Slab’em, Its Too Soft, Cumma Slutra, Super Stuffher, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Good Swallow, Virgin Banger, Mudsucker, Cunt and Pasties, Peterbilt, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Happy Ass Grabber

TOTAL HASHERS – 32

R-TARD-E and CROP DUSTER set trail from the Mad River bar and R-TARD-E redeemed himself by setting a trail that ran NW of the bar and used ever alley and gangway he could find on the NW of the Lakeview area. The Trail saw 32 hashers show up at the bar but only 13 people ran. That is what happens when Green Bay plays the Bears and the weather gets a little cold outside some would rather watch the game or stay warm oh darn.

The runners took off and I sent the walkers to ITS TOO SOFTS Place for the beer stop and I heard MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, GOOD SWALLOW, STUPIDMAN and others had a great time starting a fire but no beer was there because the hares decided to change the beer stop to another location. So NO BEER FOR YOU!!! I caught up to the pack just as it started running thru its first gangway and ERIN GO BUFF had the lead. ITS TOO SOFT and SNATCHSQUATCH were bringing up the rear must of the day and the trail wound its way thru the Lakeview neighborhood. R-TARD even managed to find a six-inch crack between two buildings to set the trail thru. I’m glad the trail was set before Thanksgiving otherwise I would have been too fat to fit my chicken legs thru the opening.

The next part of the trail saw numerous splits into condo courtyards that were false trails but eventually GLORY HOLE found the right hole to dart thru and we were racing for a beer check in the alley but some misguided resident thought he had some street person living behind his garage and decided to throw the beer away. YES I SAID HE THREW THE BEER AWAY. His address was 1356 W. Diversey if you wish to send him a letter. MOOKIE was FRB at this point and jumped over a Shell Stations fence and was back on trail that looked like it was approaching Wrigley Field but it quickly turned back south towards Belmont. JUST ADAM found trail and eventually it lead to a beer stop where CROP DUSTER only just knocked on the door of MARY ANNE and GINGER and they graciously allowed us to use their porch for a beer stop.

The sign said “Parties not allowed and tenants only!” but that does not stop the CH3. We took a few pictures with that sign and waited for the pack to show up. CUMMMA SLUTRA turned out to be the DFL and FBI. It was cold outside so we ran back to the bar and saw our beloved Bears being killed 37-3 and most of the wankers were still at Vaughn’s Pub.

We quickly changed venue and rolled over to Mad River where we had $6 pitchers of beer. SMELL THIS, USDA GRADE ROTTEN WHORE, and ODOR EATER snagged two virgins JUST SARAH and JUST JESSICA to roll with us; many of the male hashers did not disapprove of this turn of events. SNATCHSQUATCH and I got the circle going and we got thru the FRB, DFL, announcements and then CALVIN AND BATTERIES walked in so CALVIN took over his RA roll with SNATCHSQUATCH as his sidekick.

ONE HANDED TYPIST was here even though the weather was below 35-degrees outside; I guess we can’t put him up for the warm weather wanker award this year. JUST RANDY was welcomed to the hash and we hope to coax him out of Lombard once in a while to hash with us. Eventually the hash were the only folks left in the bar after the Eagles fans left dejected from a football tie with the Sin City Bengals, but for some reason ITS TOO SOFT stayed. I don’t know how but the circle eventually closed after numerous accusations, puke, ear licking, and pitchers of beer!!!

NEXT WEEK HASH is the CH3 THANKSGIVING DAY HASH

VENUE: JUST SHAINA’s house.

FOOD and BEER will be provided!!!

HARES: JUST SHAINA, GINGER SNATCH, and POULTRY F*CKER

CH3 #1572

Chicago Hash #1572 11.16.08 @ Mad River

Hare(s): Crop Duster & R Tard E
Venue: Mad River – 2909 N. Sheffield
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite The Great Obama Landslide of 2008!

Note this will overlap the Philadelphia Eagles Club of Chicago’s weekly gamewatching party so we should be able to get their specials too ($6 pitchers of Coors Light and 1/2 price Philly Cheesesteaks!!)
Note some folks will be gathering at noon for the Bears game before the hash.

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, walk three blocks South on Sheffield between Oakdale & George or Brown Line to Diversey and hoof it two blocks North to George.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Belmont, Belmont 77 bus East to Sheffield, walk three blocks South between Oakdale & George.

Driving ?

Hop into your hooptie and cruise Kennedy to Belmont, East to Sheffield, South to Oakdale.