Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1572

Nov. 16, 2008 @ Mad River Tavern
HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1572

HARES: Crop Duster & R-Tard-E
VIRGINS: Just Randy, Just Jessica, Just Sarah
VISITORS: Mookie (Stockholm Hash)
HASHERS: Just Taylor, Snatchsquatch, Chicken Stiffer, Erin Go Buff, Horn-e, Hot Pants, Friend of Hot Pants, Smell This, Glory Hole, Stupid Man, One Handed Typist, Just Adam, Stab’em and Slab’em, Its Too Soft, Cumma Slutra, Super Stuffher, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Good Swallow, Virgin Banger, Mudsucker, Cunt and Pasties, Peterbilt, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Happy Ass Grabber


R-TARD-E and CROP DUSTER set trail from the Mad River bar and R-TARD-E redeemed himself by setting a trail that ran NW of the bar and used ever alley and gangway he could find on the NW of the Lakeview area. The Trail saw 32 hashers show up at the bar but only 13 people ran. That is what happens when Green Bay plays the Bears and the weather gets a little cold outside some would rather watch the game or stay warm oh darn.

The runners took off and I sent the walkers to ITS TOO SOFTS Place for the beer stop and I heard MILK MY YAK, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, GOOD SWALLOW, STUPIDMAN and others had a great time starting a fire but no beer was there because the hares decided to change the beer stop to another location. So NO BEER FOR YOU!!! I caught up to the pack just as it started running thru its first gangway and ERIN GO BUFF had the lead. ITS TOO SOFT and SNATCHSQUATCH were bringing up the rear must of the day and the trail wound its way thru the Lakeview neighborhood. R-TARD even managed to find a six-inch crack between two buildings to set the trail thru. I’m glad the trail was set before Thanksgiving otherwise I would have been too fat to fit my chicken legs thru the opening.

The next part of the trail saw numerous splits into condo courtyards that were false trails but eventually GLORY HOLE found the right hole to dart thru and we were racing for a beer check in the alley but some misguided resident thought he had some street person living behind his garage and decided to throw the beer away. YES I SAID HE THREW THE BEER AWAY. His address was 1356 W. Diversey if you wish to send him a letter. MOOKIE was FRB at this point and jumped over a Shell Stations fence and was back on trail that looked like it was approaching Wrigley Field but it quickly turned back south towards Belmont. JUST ADAM found trail and eventually it lead to a beer stop where CROP DUSTER only just knocked on the door of MARY ANNE and GINGER and they graciously allowed us to use their porch for a beer stop.

The sign said “Parties not allowed and tenants only!” but that does not stop the CH3. We took a few pictures with that sign and waited for the pack to show up. CUMMMA SLUTRA turned out to be the DFL and FBI. It was cold outside so we ran back to the bar and saw our beloved Bears being killed 37-3 and most of the wankers were still at Vaughn’s Pub.

We quickly changed venue and rolled over to Mad River where we had $6 pitchers of beer. SMELL THIS, USDA GRADE ROTTEN WHORE, and ODOR EATER snagged two virgins JUST SARAH and JUST JESSICA to roll with us; many of the male hashers did not disapprove of this turn of events. SNATCHSQUATCH and I got the circle going and we got thru the FRB, DFL, announcements and then CALVIN AND BATTERIES walked in so CALVIN took over his RA roll with SNATCHSQUATCH as his sidekick.

ONE HANDED TYPIST was here even though the weather was below 35-degrees outside; I guess we can’t put him up for the warm weather wanker award this year. JUST RANDY was welcomed to the hash and we hope to coax him out of Lombard once in a while to hash with us. Eventually the hash were the only folks left in the bar after the Eagles fans left dejected from a football tie with the Sin City Bengals, but for some reason ITS TOO SOFT stayed. I don’t know how but the circle eventually closed after numerous accusations, puke, ear licking, and pitchers of beer!!!



FOOD and BEER will be provided!!!


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