Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 11 Jun 2010 by Horn-E

Set by Chicken Stifer from Harey Carey’s. There was a last minute change due to the original bar being closed and even I didn’t know about it until I passed Harey Carey’s and found the hash waiting outside. At least the backup bar was right across the street.
Another small pack of only thirteen, for such a nice day. And that included 2 visitors. It did turn out to be a real shitty trail, at least so it was declared in the circle. We took off to the east on Addison and did a gangway that led to a Check. Struggled a bit until Slippery Box found trail into an alley. This had us climbing over a fence and landing on slippery wet leaves. Got Muffin The Mule on that one as his ass hit the sidewalk. From here we had a T and E Split and Horn-E headed for the high fence along with Just Jody and Scrumie Seconds now from Austin. From here we headed east towards Broadway and another Check. We had to run through a gauntlet of cops pulling off some sort of bust. Hoosier Daddy, Slippery Box and Horn-E checked a block east and found nothing. Upon returning the pack was gone, but trail headed south and further east on Addison. Where we going to get to run in the beautiful Lincoln Park. Not. We headed south a block before the park and then west to another Check by Treasure Island. We had two False Trails to the south that the whole pack went off on, except Hoosier Daddy. He went north on another and we didn’t see him again until the beer stop. Muffin The Mule finally found trail to the west and then south through a parking lot, across Halsted and further east. Next Check was in an alley between Broadway and Sheffield that had the pack stuck for a while, but trail eventually went north to where those two streets meet and then headed further west. At this point our faster bimbos, Soul Taco, Poultry Fucker and Slippery Box were leading along with Muffin the Mule and they kept leading right to the beer stop. We did head north and through an alley and past Wrigley Field. A block later we were heading east again and finally to a Beer Stop in an alley behind Motor Whore A’s house where she joined us for the beer stop. From here it was a short walk back to the bar.
The hare called the pack together and held a low key circle. A few songs were heard, and we were introduced to the visitors, Scrumie Seconds and Just Jody. But after a short circle we did a quick Swing Low and settled into the food some ordered and the beer. Others on trail included Corn Star, Chippendale, Its Too Soft, Ass Capades, and Ice Princess.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 6 Jun 2010 by Horn-E

The trail was set from Stanley’s by two bimbos, Rotten Whore and Where’s The Sausages. Reminded me of Laurel and Hardy and their famous quote, “Well, that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into!” And this trail would be exactly that. What a mess these bimbos laid. We started with sixteen hounds. JJJJJust Jesus and Cumma Slutra came late making it 18. Horn-E led off on a quick trip down an alley to our first Split. Glory Hole was on this to the north and a Triple Split. Two split tails and two blocks and already two splits. This one led us around this park. Crop Duster almost led Horn-E off trail into the park after seeing Happy Ass Grabber head that way, but he was off on a False. And with these two bimbos, there were a lot of falsies out there. But around the park and we headed south. The ghettos beckoned. We had a Check that had us short cutting into a parking lot, only to return back to the same damn street. Damn hares. And then we headed west to Ashland and across the Expy into the hospital zone. Another Check had the suckers heading into the hospital zone and more falsies, but trail went to the east. Horn-E meanwhile went past a Falsie. Never did like falsies. To phony. Give me the real trail. And he kept going south looking for some opening so he could head east to rejoin the pack. This didn’t happen until Taylor St. Running down Taylor he finally saw Rhotan coming up a street. He was ranging from a Check. Horn-E spotted an arrow going across Taylor and Rhotan spotted a turn arrow heading east. But at the next corner, there was nothing. Another falsie? No. Suddenly Horn-E spotted an arrow in a gangway and we were off again. Chippendale quickly passed Horn-E still recovering from an attack of the gout and not running very fast. More like haf ast. Trail headed further east in the alley and Glory Hole managed to pass everyone and took the lead heading south and across Roosevelt. Happy Ass Grabber managed to pass me along here running with way to much jism while chatting with Way To Much Jism. They were joined at the hip from that point on. Everytime I saw them, they were joined at the hip and that is not exactly where I would like to be joined with Way To Much Jism and way to much jism. But I digress. We did loop back to the east and suddenly the pack was off course and Rotten Whore was saying, “Where are they going? The trail doesn’t go there,” and she was right as they soon returned and ran a big circle around this Illinois Circle soccer field and running track. Horn-E managed to short cut this and at the southern end he finally ran into our virgin of the day, JJJJJust Alfred who led for this short stretch of trail. He was brought to our little pack of hounds by his sister from the San Francisco Hash, Just Got It. Hey, I just got it. But probably not. As we emerged back at the sidewalk and street, there was a Split. Bloody Asshole was seen running back to the south. Horn-E just came from there, didn’t he? Yup! So Horn-E went over to the side walk and spotted a tiny arrow heading north. And we were off and running. After a quick red light we headed practically straight back to the Red Light district and the infamous Rotten Whore House where Way To Much Jism was giving traffic reports to the Rotten Whore House.. Here the short cutting Just Do Me Slowly was waiting and the gate was opened and beer was served. And pretzels were served, vintage stale. Finally we left for a half mile walk back to the bar.
We circled up outside in the patio and actually got through about half the circle before the neighbors complained and we had to go inside. The customers inside left due to the noise. Is it my new hearing aids or are we really always that loud. The echoes were definitely up. But circle went on and Genesis, our non running RA led us. Speaking of non runners, we had three others, Salty Gash, Its Too Soft and Fistful Of Pricks. Yes, all of them again. Yes, again. This is a running club and hashing is about trail first. This is where Its Too Soft is quietly protesting at work that, “I was at work.” But you are always welcome after if you can’t make it. In the circle we had many down downs for our two bimbo hares. Many. And then we called out our visitors, just got a bloody asshole, I mean Just Got It and Bloody Asshole. And of course Just Got It with her brother, Alfred were also called. He of the virgin type and her to demo for him the proper procedure for sucking buds, I mean suds. And he asked for a fill-up before he started. Well done. Finally the circle ended and we settled into food and drinking and the party went on and on. I finally got a ride out from Just Do Me Slowly. I’m going to remember to take advantage of them more often in the future. It is much cheaper. And Magnetic Muff and Its Too Soft also rode with us. Who else was there? Tinkle Trotsky, Corn Star, Slippery Box, Wang Chunks, and Just Ray.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 30 May 2010

We had a big long list of Wankers and Bimbos for this annual Virgin Banger Memorial Day Hash. I counted about 60 to 65 setting out on this shitty trail. But I’m sure someone will inflate the number to include paid that didn’t show and those that didn’t do trail. And it must have been as unanimously declared at the circle afterward. But for the Namby Pamby wanker who keeps complaining about these hash trashes, it was a lovely day with flowers blooming everywhere and with about 75 beautiful and buff hashers preparing to run another magnificent trail laid by our wonderful hares, Virgin Banger and Smell This through the beautiful neighborhoods of Chicago past churches and store and bars and so many beautiful homes. I’m about to gag. The truth is, it wasn’t a bad course considering the hares and the past marathons they laid on bikes. And it is hard to keep a large pack together. They didn’t. But, I digress. We started out of O’lannagans to the south and around a curved street to Berteau for our first Check. I looked to the east and saw Or G about two blocks off and still going. Had to be it and I followed. Soon the On call was made, but at a Triple split. Or G went north. When Horn-E arrived, he hadn’t found the trail so Horn-E headed east and after a looong block, he found an arrow into an alley. Cunt N Pasties and Horn-E headed into the alley and out through a parking lot to Clark. A bit of a confusing mark here but Cunt n Pasties found trail to the north and we finally turned east on Cullom. Cunt N Pasties was leading and at the next Split she headed straight. So Horn-E, by default went north on Hoyne and was On. This led to Montrose and a Split and Horn-E was passed by the usual bunch of FRBs as they crossed Montrose into an alley. Near the end of the alley was a Check at a cross alley. Horn-E went east and followed a turn arrow to the north. But this led no where and upon returning the pack was gone, heading west in the alley. At Clark, the trail headed north and through Lincoln Square area and the El Station. From here it was west on Leland and a series of streets. By now I was so far behind the main body of runners that all I could do was follow the mostly marked trail and slowly pass an army of walkers. First was three of them on Leland. Then another three just after an alley. and another three heading east on Berwyn and finally the last three on Winona, a half block before the beer stop. Twelve walkers whose names shall live in infamy and obscurity. To many slackers and to much time to write all of that. I’ll not embarrass them because there were to many former good runners in that pack.
At the beer stop, The Virgin Palace grounds, there was a Keg of Metropolitan Beer and many happy hashers indulging. There was also some watermelon soaking in some powerful alcohol that had hashers wobbling off whistling little songs. I needed water on this hot day. But just before the keg ran out, I did manage to get about a pint. Good stuff. When it ran out, they made a run for some cheap commercial swill until the departing hour arrived. Meanwhile I moved around talking to all so many friends. Why haven’t you all been hashing? But it is good. They are here and it is a nice hot sweltering day. I met the virgins several times and hope they will return. And many thanks to our Virgin Hosts.
Finally we headed over to the Dank House for the On In. Horn-E led the pack over there and into the elevator, into the hall and up to the beer. Now we were on Goose Island. The partyers settled into the roof top deck facing Western and the pitchers started to flow. Finally the RA, Genesis started the circle. And it quickly dissolved into chaos and mayhem. The RA couldn’t maintain control, but many had a lot of laughs. The hares got plenty of down downs and the many virgins and visitors were all called out. They called out the Veterans. It was Memorial Day. Perhaps, next time, we can also honor the fallen veterans with a moment of silence and a quiet drink in their honor.
Then food was served and we all rushed in for some good meat and sides. I hope everyone got enough. I know when I went back for seconds, there seemed to be nothing left but rolls. Then it was back to socializing on the roof top deck. And the pack slowly dissipated. We got down to the last group and six of us killed the second keg. And that included the virgin Mary. Hmmm, she might be back. Out by 9PM. Early compared to the last several years. Then several of us headed over to Friar Tuck’s for a nightcap. A great day/night except for one annoying fly that get trying to bug me. He needs to grow up.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 24 May 2010 by Horn-E

We ran out of Martin’s Corner Bar and our hares were Just Lucky and Corn Star. I’d like to say well done ladies. I’d like to say a lot of things. But the reality is just another shitty trail. But I will give the two bimbos credit for taking us into some real new territory. We haven’t been treated to so many odors in years. From the wild alleys to the Garbage Truck Parking Lot, to the wonders of all of the roadside food stands.
We started out to the south with a nice little band of 13 hearty hashers and Horn-E. We were soon at a long Check at 24th St. This led us to the west and I spotted Lifa going for a short cut. Who? Lifa? But the trail did loop back and I followed Lifa and we were soon behind Tampon Tampoff, Genesis, Crop Duster and a few other FRBs. Another Check at some tracks regrouped the pack a bit but we were soon off to the east and a little loop that put us right past those damn garbage trucks. But we were heading out of the industrial area and back to neighborhood streets. I found myself trailing along with our visitor, The Big Shaker from Oslo Hash in Norway. It is always great meeting these visitors and realizing we know many of the same hashers from all over the world. Genesis finally passed us and slowly disappeared in the distance. But we were safe, Our hare, Just Lucky was following and we weren’t lost. It was about Cermack and Paulina where we finally caught the pack. They had a Triple split and found one mark straight north, but none after that. Oooops. But the pack was whole again and we again started to range. Genesis and Horn-E kept going north and finally the On call came from behind us and into an alley to the east. So we headed east and a block later the pack was again lost. Unable to find marks. Horn-E ranged a bit north and found a turn arrow from the west. Whatever, he was On and blew the horn. Genesis blew his whistle. And no body followed. I think they headed off in that loop indicated by that turn arrow. But we were On and after a block, Genesis took the lead and led us to a park. Trail headed right into the middle of the park and then a big loop to the north and west. Horn-E started to short cut towards the FRB and finally spotted the rest of the pack following. Blowing the horn continuously, many managed a short cut and we headed west for a block on 18th. Then east for a block on 19th. Then west for a block under the Pink Line tracks. Finally we headed north on Hoyne and there was a beer near. That wasn’t there when I got off of the El. But a few blocks later we were in a back yard drinking beer. And there was Pied Piper. He was on the train right behind the one I was on and as he got off, he caught Corn Star laying that last little bit of trail. So he just waited with her at the beer stop. And just as we were about to leave, Cum In My Nurse came along. DFL, but he managed to do the trail. And so, we had a pack of 16. Back at the bar, Genesis got the beer flowing and started circle. Just Lucky brought out a five pound bag of peanuts and we slowly trashing the place with peanut shells. We had two non running wussies, Slippery Box and Wang Chunks. The rest of the pack included, Lick’er Leash. , Five Hole Failure, Just Sarah, Ice Princess, Way To Much Jism, Ginger Snatch, Just Michael, and Just Ray. Well done, ladies.

On On
Horn-E