Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 30 Jan 2011 by Horn-E

This was the birthday hash for Calvin Klein and he and Batteries Not Included were our hares from Joe’s again. $3.75 pitchers of water. I mean Coors Light. And cupcakes and pizzas.
But first the trail. The hares they went and laid a shitty trail. and Happy Ass Grabber really started out the circle in a shitty manner. Was this a prophecy. We had a pack of 18, the first good sized pack for Chicago in some time. We headed to the east and through an alley. Was there a Check? The pack was scattered and I was off with Just Clio to the north when the pack took off to the south, We followed them through two alleys until I spotted a short cut through an empty lot. The pack was swinging north and we followed across North ave in an alley and on across Halsted. Horn-E was definetly falling behind with only Just Shawnna behind him. That didn’t last long and he was soon all alone in the back. In the distance he could see Return To Gender from Madison and Its Too Soft. they occasionally drifted in sight and out of sight. Like at Clybourn where Horn-E caught the light and they disappeared again. Trail went north behind the old Goose Island brewery building and to the north to Cortland and then a long straight stretch across the river and to a Check at Elston. So far guessing right at each unmarked Split and Check was working. It was mostly easy to predict this trail and the marks weren’t far out, which explains why the pack got so stretched out. Anyhow, guessing the trail went south on Elston proved correct and the first mistake was made at the next Split. One arrow pointed up onto the tracks. Could we possibly be getting into some good shit. Not. Coming back Horn-E found Its Too Soft and Return To Gender coming up behind him and passing him. Now where did he pass them? Anyhow, the three mostly ran together all of the way back to the bar on a fairly straight back course. Dead Fucking Last. Not. about five minutes later Lifa came in bitching about how none of the Splits or Checks were marked. That’s because the hares stayed in the bar and drank beer while we ran. And how in hell did we get past Lifa?
In the circle, Uploader was called for being the FRB. And the hares got numerous well deserved down downs and several birthday down downs. Calvin Klein led the circle and we all had a good time until the pizza arrived. Fuck the circle, that pizza was good. Good cupcakes for desert and we all finally left. Who else was on trail? Rhotan, 10 Dix With Wings, Mouthful Of Meat, Platypussy, Taste The Rainbow, Just Lisa, Chicken Stifer, Poultry Fucker, Just Ryan and Just Chris. Soul Taco and Ice Princess showed up late for the party looking like the newest Hash Couple in matching colors. I just found out that Ice Princess is planning on doing an Iron Man Triathalon in Sept. That is a hell of a lot more work then I ever plan on doing for any event. Good luck.

Damn, I just checked the snow at 2AM. My courtyard has 15 good solid inches of snow. The hashing is really going to be good this weekend.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 9 Jan, 2010 by Horn-E

A surprising mild day for this trail laid by Back Door County and Its Too Soft for their A to B trail from Paddy Long’s Pub and a surprising good turnout of 17 hounds. It was a mostly simple trail as we headed north and just west of Sheffield and finally crossing Sheffield near the Hospital. Here we had our second Check that seemed to take a bit of time until trail was found right past the entrance and to the west to a
Split at Halsted. Hey, what is so hard. It goes north to the six corner intersection. Its Too Soft was heard to yell to Back Door County that he wanted to get ahead and watch this one. Well, it was harder then normal. Why? Later. First, I headed north along Halsted and found a turn down Barry. False. Then we went back to Halsted where we found a mark heading north. But soon we ran into Sperm Diversion and Virtually Hung returning. Another False. I headed south to check out Briar. Again I found two marks on the north side of the street. As I was returning on the south side, Sperm Diversion was following my footsteps and I diverted him, returning on the south side of Briar. At the alley I saw the pack coming my way. Apparently a hint from the hares. I headed down the alley and at the turn, an almost invisible mark was found. Uploader passed me and soon we were on three and ON. So that is why it was so hard. The first mark was way around the corner and well into the alley. If all our Checks were were marked like that, we’d still be looking for marks from three weeks ago. But we were On and trail went to Broadway and then south to Diversey, for another Check. Horn-E headed south in an alley and at the end he spotted a hasher running out of the parking lot behind the post office. He was checking out a Split. Horn-E followed and there was apparently another loop behind MacDonalds and back to Broadway to continue south on Broadway. At the next intersection was another Split. There were about five of us up front at this point. One hasher was off to the east and returning. Chicken Stifer went south and just kept going and going. We finally followed because the trail didn’t go east and less then fifty feet south of the intersection was an arrow. Huh! So we were finally On again. Trail headed south and through a parking lot to an alley and then west on Arlington. Now this doesn’t sound to difficult. Over to Its Too Soft’s condo on Fullerton. Right? Right. And as I got there so did Its Too Soft and he retrieved some beer from a doorway and we drank. From here it was straight back to his other place for the finish. A short hash of about three miles.
Beer started to flow and a few settled into watching TV while the rest of us gathered in the kitchen or in small circles to talk about trail, etc. Eventually Chicken Stifer tried to do a circle during commercials for some football game. Two, three down downs, stop, 2,3 stop, 2,3 stop. Nice try, but it wasn’t working very well. Needed to end it. Either watch TV or do a circle. It was finally ended and Its Too Soft got out some pizza and we settled into eating and drinking beer. Who else was there? Just Ryan, Just Do Me Slowly, Ginger Snatch, 10 Dix With Wings, Uploader, Just Jenna, Just Adam, The Dark Kunt, Skull And Boner, Just Chris a virgin and two visitors from St. Louis, Disco Ass and Dewey Sexual System. We were later joined by Crop Duster.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 26 Dec 2010 by Horn-E

This was set by Chicken Stifer out of O’Lanagans. All right, it wasn’t a bad trail, but you didn’t read that here. The marks were mostly good considering the snow. Chicken Stifer wasn’t at the start, but we found marks and had a quick chalk talk. There was yet another small pack. Only three Chicago hashers, Lifa, Up Loader and Horn-E. We actually had more visitors then Chicago Hashers and we were joined by Prick Of The Litter, AC/DC, Morning Missile, and his sister, Escrowtum. We took off through the park and then headed west across Western. Lifa was leading here as we struggled through several marks that left us guessing as to what they where. Damn locals. But we finally headed south and back to Montrose, just east of the river for a Check. This allowed us to regroup as Escrowtum was more of a walker and she just arrived as Lifa found trail through a gate and past an apartment and to the riverside path. Somehow towards the end, the trail headed down an alley and Up Loader led us here. At the end of the alley was a car stuck in the snow. Lifa in all of his generosity, talked Morning Missile and the one armed plow truck to push the poor bastard out. Again, we almost all regrouped. We were now heading over to Western and then south. Horn-E tried to hold back a bit to show Escrowtum the way and lost track of the others. And as the trail started to turn at every corner, he lost track of her and what happened after that is speculation. And I won’t. Escrowtum finally gave up and went back to the bar. Horn-E tried to follow trail, through alleys, gangways and finally over to this hospital parking lot. There was this spray of flour. Was it a Check. Turn. Split, Back Check. Or even a BN. There were plows everywhere. Guessing a Check, Horn-E went west and out of the area, going back and forth and finding not another mark. Meanwhile, the rest of the pack was on the top deck of the multistory parking garage, hiding in a stairway, drinking beer. Back at the bar we waited about ten minutes before the beer stop crew and hare arrived. Along with Virgin Banger, Humpty Dumpty and some guy names Just Matt. All drunk. And Humpty Dumpty and Just Matt were carrying on like two thirteen year olds on their first drunk. Lifa tried to hold circle, but it was to chaotic and beer was being thrown around, including on the pool table. We ended circle quickly. But out hare got a few. We were also joined by another visitor, Just Edwin who might make the TH3 run this week and a hash on Sun. The terrible two, started to throw beer at each other and Virgin Banger finally got them out of the bar and into a cab. Did that cab end up on the news? We restarted another circle and had some fun. Finally shortly after six, the last of the Chicago Hashers left, besides Horn-E holding fort with all five of the visitors still there. We finally left around 8:30. And I want to thank all of the visitors for joining us, even though we only had three Chicago Hashers on trail.

On On
Horn-E