Category: Tale of the Trail

Hash Trash: 11/4/07 ASS FAMILY HASH
Hares: Lifa and Bloody Thighs
Venue: McKellians

VIRGINS: Just Dan, Just Justin, Just Tim
VISITORS: Gnome Nuts- Hagerstown Hash
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Steve, Just Jonathan, At Your Cervix, One handed Typist, Its Too Soft, W�all Bangher, Horn-e, Erect da Red, Sir Poops A lot, Special Head, Are They Real, Stab�em and Slab�em, Just Jenn, Moldy Man Sac, Mount Me Puh�lzee, AssMan, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Coffee, Tea, or Me, Just Hannah
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 27

This hash was run out of the northern most Bar in Chicago, McKellians. Our hares were LIFA and BLOODY THIGHS, and they set two trails one for the turkeys and one for the eagles. They lead us in a quick circle and we were soon off on trail. Just Dan and Just Justin were out leading the pack even though they were virgins but that happens from time to time. About � mile into the trail we hit the turkey-eagle split and hashers like ARE THEY REAL, JUST STEVE, and JUST JONATHAN took the turkey split. ITS TOO SOFT and CHICKEN joined them as well because we were beat from celebrating the 30th anniversary in Madison. JUST JUSTIN and JUST MOLLY joined us for a great weekend in Wisconsin. The others like VIRTUALLY HUNG, MUDSUCKER and SIR POOPS A LOT took the eagle trail which ran by BLOODY THIGHS school and Trash mountain. The trail for the turkeys was lead by STAB�EM and SLAB�EM for most of the day and she had some help from JUST JENN as well. The trail for the turkeys led
to a park off of Western Ave. and ended on the sledding hill there. The pack was a little disappointed that they couldn�t find beer for ten-minutes but things worked out in the end when the Hares showed up with beer in ten-minutes. ARE THEY REAL had to be driven back to the on in so she could see the actually goats that were on trail. I followed ASSMAN back to the ON IN and we were informed by the bar owner that he had tons of meat for us to cook, now if we just had SUPER STUFFER to cook for us!! I lead the circle and tried to keep it short because there was food to be had. The FRB�s were MOLDY and STAB�EM and SLAB�EM. The DFL was ARE THEY REAL for she also auto hashed. JUST TIM was brought into the circle by MOUNT ME because this is the officer that wrote up the original ANTHRAX report that was touched off by ITS TOO SOFTS trail so we sang them Hash Tones. Remember the ANTHRAX hash is in a couple of weeks. We also eemed to have lost W�ALL BANGHER after the trail somewhere. JUST JENN, MOLDY, MOUNT ME and SPECAIL HEAD drank for being the REBOOTS. The circle was soon closed and we sang swing low. The hash made a dash for the grill outside where ARE THEY REAL was busy dropping hamburgers through the grill making blackened burgers. We really enjoyed seeing COFFEE with her little HANNAH at the hash. JUST JONATHAN and JUST STEVE are kicking around the idea of laying an ADD hash where we all take Adderal? Our visiting hasher GNOME NUTS stuck around for a while and had his dinner and now we have a contact in the Virginia area. SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK at he MISMANAGEMEN MEETING which starts at NOON!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CHICAGO HALLOWEEN HASH
HARES: BLOODY THIGHS and FULL TERM
VIRGIN: JUST ROB
VISITOR: TOTALLY GAY, FULL TERM
HASHERS: My Ass Is Up for Grabs, Are They Real, Horn-e, One Handed
Typist, Sex Luthor, Just Alan, Just Jonathon, Just Steve, Just Peter,
Just James, Milk My Yak, Foot In Mouth, Johnny Cock Ring, Stabem and
Slabem, Just Rob, Just Katerine, Just Molly, Rotten Whore, Just
Ernest, Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein,
Princess Labia, Happy Ass Grabber, Flying Hooters, Lochness Cockster,
Its Too Soft, Two Tickets too Pair a Thighs, Lifa, Virgin Banger,
Rena virgin I’m Late Again, Lower Whackoff, Peterbilt, Assman, Just
John

TOTAL HASHERS= 40

The Hash was started from the usually place on the North side, The
Pumping Company or the old sizzle. BLOODY THIGHS and FULL TERM laid
a great trail through the Loyola campus and Rogers Park area. JOHNNY
COCK RING and FOOT IN MOUTH made a special appearance today because
we have not seen them for over six months in the CH3. We also
welcomed TOTALLY GAY to the hash today, and oh my gosh there were two
Horn-es really scary!!! BLOODY THIGHS did a quick chalk talk and
LIFA showed up with is bed pan full of brown candy?? After the talk
was given the pack was off but was quickly sucked into a circle
jerk. JUST ROB and I found the circle and went off north after a
split we guessed wrong so we short cut east and caught HAPPY ASS
GRABBER and JUST MOLLY off the next split. The trail continued to
the east until it hit the lake near Loyola and then went thru the
campus. JUST STEVE and JUST JONATHON were following along behind
with JUST ALAN in tow.
The pack became stymied by a check that went through the Science
building on campus but they soon found the right path when they
followed CALVIN KLIEN and FLYING HOOTERS to the check on Sheridan.
Here the trail went west with the flag bearing JUST ROB leading the
pack. Virgin JUST ROB found the trail behind a church and called the
pack to follow and soon we were at the home of STUMP HUMPER and
PRINCESS LABIA enjoying some gold and cold liquid. We found out we
had two Jesus costumes on trail with CALVIN and VIRGIN BANGER. TWO
TICKETS was cutely dressed as a PUSSSSYYYYYY cat!! ONE HANDED
TYPIST was the second blues brother Jake. The pack soon finished
their beers and got out of there. WE made our way back to the bar
and the owner of the bar gave us $4 pitchers of beer!! CALVIN ran
the circle in that tight space. We welcomed JUST ROB our virgin to
the hash. CHICKEN STIFFER was the FRB. DFL was RENTA VIRGIN??? ITS
TOO SOFT was making high interest loans in the circle and was
punished. FBI was JUST KATHERINE. The circle was soon closed but
JUST ALAN and JUST ERNEST were sent away for a naming. When they
returned JUST ALAN was named SUPER STUFFER for stuffing his superman
costume and JUST ERNEST was welcomed into the MOUNT family by being
named MOUNT VON TRAMP by the numerous ladies of the hash.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM

Hash Trash: 10/21/07 ASS FAMILY HASH
Hares: Assman, Ez on the Ass
Venue: American Legion Post 42

VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Tracie
VISITORS: Just Tracie
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Molly, Just Katherine, Just Alan, Just Steve, Just Jonathan, At Your Cervix, One handed Typist, Open Wide, Its Too Soft, Just Susanna, W all Bangher, Just Ester, Mouthful of Meat, My Ass is Up for Grabs, Rotten Whore, Lifa, Schwiiinga, Horn-e, Erect da Red, Moan On Trail
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 24

The hash left the friendly confines of Chicago and traveled north to Evanston where Post 42 sponsored the hash off the Central Purple line stop. The hash started at 1 pm on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The Hares were still laying trail when we started due to a long drinking night on Saturday that EZ partook in. We had a nice crowd for being outside the city and even ROTTEN WHORE found the time to make it up for the hash. The Pack had a quick chalk talk and then we were off looking for marks East of the el-tracks. LIFA and JUST TRACIE were out in front with JUST ROB. The Trail meandered through the sleepy lakeside of Evanston. The first real problems occurred when the pack got to the lake front park and could not find the marks after a check. LIFA, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, AT YOUR CERVIX, and others went ranging for marks but came up empty. CHICKEN STIFFER eventually found marks going north on Sheridan Road and he thought he was behind the pack until he got to B’hai Temple
and realized that he was the FRB. The trail from here wandered through the grounds of the gorgeous temple. The trail went west and south until CHICKEN came to a split that seemed to have no marks after it until you went across the street to look for them. By this time JUST MOLLY, JUST TRACIE, and JUST ROB had caught up to the front of the pack. We trail blazed for the rest of the pack and soon were near the familiar bridge that was used the previous year for a beer stop. This year though it was haunted by an ugly troll that scared the Crap out of our new virgin JUST TRACIE. The pack enjoyed the beer but not the smelly river that it crossed.
Eventually the whole pack made it to the beer stop and ROTTEN WHORE took a nice seat down by the river with her gold and cold beer. JUST STEVE, JUST JONATHAN, JUST ALAN, and MOUTHFUL of MEAT had to be directed into the hidden beer stop by our very own LIFA. ITS TOO SOFT seemed to be snapping pictures as he usually does for the hash. It was just a perfect day to run, much like it was the whole weekend. The beer stop ended and we walked pack the mile to the ON-IN where we had to send EZ and AT YOUR CERVIX out to get us some cheap beer. AT YOUR CERVIX was denied beer at Jewel because she looked too young??? When they returned the circle was started and our hares were punished for general lateness. Late starting the trail, late with the beer, just late!! OPEN WIDE, ERECT THE RED, and LIFA were our reboots for the day. We welcomed our new virgins JUST TRACIE and JUST ROB. W ALL BANGHER and ONE HANDED TYPIST were the DFL s??? The circle was soon ended in favor of the
pack watching the Bears, who won, and eating chilidogs. In the end the hares made up for the mistakes with great weather and good food!!!! See you next week at the COSTUME HASH!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1413 PoP 7 @ Chi-Town Tap
Hash Trash: 10/13/07 POP HASH The 7th YEAR ITCH
Hares: Likes it on the Bottom, PACKhER Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, Salty Gash, Just Lauren, and Rotten Whore
Venue: Chi-town Tap

VIRGINS: Just Ernst, Just Kristen, Just Savitia, Just Jonathon
VISITORS: Hand Solo, #2, Toilet Eclipse, Just Mary, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Exorcist, Hot Lips, Suck Me Dry, OPP, Gagging Me Softly, 2 f*** Cannuck
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Virtually Hung, W’all Bangher, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Just Katherine, Just Kristen, Just Steve, 69-Cent Man, Anal Assault, Bank of Spermamerica, Boner Malfunction, Batteries Not Included, Just Corrine, Grizzly ?, I’m Late Again, It’s too Soft, Just Allen, Just Julia, Magnetic Muff, Just Lisa, Just Mary, Just Molly, Just Peter, Sperm Diversion, Just Saud, One Handed Typist, Mouthful Of Meat, Mud Sucker, Odor Eater, Too Much Head, Just Patrick, Moan on Trail, Just Ed, CP, Just Jamica, Just Rick, Man O Whore, Just Tom,
VIRGINS= 4
VISTORS=9
TOTAL HASHERS= 60+

Last weekend five ladies (PACKhER ASS, LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM, MOUNT SCHWIIINGA, JUST LAUREN, and SALTY GASH plus one rotten WHORE put on the yearly POP (POWER of the PUSSY) hash. The turn out was high with over 60 hashers showing up for the event and the laughs and fun will last forever. Nice job ladies!!! The Planning for the event began in the beginning of JULY when the ladies asked me if they could run POP. A date was picked for the hash in mid-JULY when the Chicago October hash calendar was empty of hashes for the Oct. 12-14 weekend. The T-shirt design was done by our own MOUNT SCHWIIINGA with the trail being devised by LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM. The other 3 pussies, PACKhER ASS, SALTY GASH, and JUST LAUREN, provided logistical support.

The weekend kicked off with a pre-lube party where the CH3 raised around $200 for Breast Cancer Research, this brings the CH3 donations to charity well over $1000 for the whole year. The Flagship event began at 2 p.m. Oct. 13 with the weather being most cooperative. The hash ran under cloudy skies with a temperature of 65 degrees or perfect running weather. I wish we could have had this weather for the Chicago Marathon!!! The ladies greeted us at the door adorned in their Marilyn Monroe outfits so blondes were everywhere. The hash greeted our visitors in from BIG-HUMP, 2 F*** CANNUCK, SEXORCIST, and RICKYS CRAB SHACK.

We also had Waukesha hashers in the form of #2, TOILET ECLIPSE, JUST MARY, and HAND SOLO. Later in the evening the INDY SCENT hashers showed up in the form of OPP, SUCK ME DRY, and GAGGING ME SOFTLY. The hash lubricated itself with beer and around 2:45 pm the hash did chalk talk. VIRTUALLY HUNG was stuck carrying the flag today and JUST ALLEN and I were stuck wearing schoolgirl skirts and football jersey’s due to a lost bet a couple weeks ago.
The hash took off Northeast and found its first problem around the Illinois Masonic Hospital. The trail went up through the parking lot and back down. Numerous hashers like JUST PATRICK, JUST MOLLY, JUST ALLEN, and others decided to short cut the trail because what goes up must come down, the problem was where would the trail come down? Eventually the trail did run up to Halsted and then North to the Belmont El line stop.

This was the shot stop on the trail and TOO MUCH HEAD seemed to love giving blow job?!?
SHOTS to the hashers cumming in for the quick rest. ROTTEN WHORE looked she had just blown a whole battleship full of sailors with all of the leftover whip cream around her mouth!! SEXORCIST had the inverted whip cream treat as well. After the brief rest and shots the pack was back on trail angling northwest. JUST ALLEN, SPERM DIVERSION, VIRTULLY HUNG and I seemed to be leading the pack at this point and about two miles down trail we ran into the backyard of MOUNT SCHWIINGA. I took a seat but soon had to get up because JUST CORINNE, TOO MUCH HEAD, HOT LIPS, and others kept trying to see up my skirt!!!

The pack was treated to some fine beer, but the piece de resistance was the penis piñata. CP had first crack at the big dick but missed it completely. Next up was MOUTHFUL OF MEAT who seemed to need batting practice as well. MUDSUCKER took a whack at it and started the eventual down fall of the massive prick. Finally and mercifully ODOR eater like Chris Farley in the great white ninja blindfolded himself and put a huge wallop into that phallic that it spit out its finally death blows. Out of said phallic came Chocolate, sweet tarts and other prizes which will be given out this Sunday to the no shows.

The pack hit the pavement and was running along until 69-CENT MAN found a bus playpen in the garbage. He put the costume on but soon tired of it and gave it to JUST SAUD and I. We ran with it on until we got to the finally beer stop at Wrightwood Park. Along the way we must have given out 50-60 hash cards to interested onlookers and when we got to the park the Kick ball game stopped to give us a funny salute. ROTTEN WHORE womaned this stop and was very self-conscious of her appearance because numerous innocent bystanders were giving her strange looks. The bus finally arrived and the Ladies had games ready for us. I was on a team of JUST SAUD, TOO MUCH HEAD, JUST SAVITIA, and JUST KRISTEN. We played izzy dizzy and many hashers were soon on the ground from a lost sense of balance and direction. I believe the winning team had 69-CENT MAN, JUST PETER, #2, JUST MOLLY, and JUST KATHERINE on their team.

The pack played in the park for about ½ and then staggered back into the ON-IN at the Chi-town tap around 5:45 pm, but not before SALTY and PACKhER jumped into a pair of granny panties together.

Back at the On-In we had a short delay until the circle was started by PACKhER ASS and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA. They did a masterful job in running the circle and received the cooperation of the circle in general and if they didn’t ROTTEN WHORE spoke up for them with RESPECT!!! The hares were publicly pissed upon and our visitors were acknowledged and thanked for making the trip. Our virgins, Just Ernst, Just Kristen, Just Savitia, and Just Jonathon were in shock of what they had done today and what they had seen. The FRB’s were SPERM DIVERSION and JUST JULIA. SPERM DIVERSION on a side note could barely stand at the end of the night. The POP celebrated the past POP members in MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, ROTTEN WHORE and MAGNETIC MUFF. They even punished the NRB’s JUST TOM, MOAN, OPP, GAGGING ME SOFTLY and SUCK ME DRY. The BUS drivers and passengers made a second appearance and drank for garbage picking. RENTA VIRGIN and VIRGIN BANGER were called on for something but I can’t remember by this time I was getting drunk. JUST ALLEN got the sleeve today and somehow managed to drink from it with out spilling?? Food was served and the circle went through the motions of hash religion and ate.

Afterwards the hash decided to play a few games of Flippy cup with MOAN ON TRAIL leading the game. Participants included BATTERIES, JUST ALLEN, JUST MOLLY, ODOR EATER, ROTTEN WHORE, SPERM DIVERSION, JUST SAUD and others. The games lasted long and kicked SPERM DIVERSIONS butt because he threw up the game pieces after it was long over. From here I am at a loss for words but I do remember that the POP committee got some free shots by flashing the bar tender!!!! Overall the ladies did a nice job and the hash waits in anticipation for the 8th ANNUAL POP. We also like to thank the ladies for making us a new hashshit award, which is now a 2 foot pink penis. Towards the end of the night we did name JUST LAUREN. The suggestions were JANE DOE, MY ASS IS UP FOR GRABS, TURN AND COUGH, and ON MY KNEES AGAIN. After great deliberation amongst the hashers JUST LAUREN is now “MY ASS IS UP FOR GRABS!!!” Congrats!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1511 @ Farragut’s
Hash Trash: 9/31/07
Hares: Just Tom, Anal Assault
Venue: Farragut’s 5200 N. Clark $4.50 PITCHERS!!!!!!

Fujirazzi pix here. Also check out some pix from our transplant from Indyscent, Moan on Trail here.

VIRGINS: Just Patrick, Just Raphael, Just Ryan
VISITORS: Moan On Trail, Just Pat
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Chris, Just Patrick, Just Joseph, Just Katherine, Salted Gash, Its too Soft, MudSucker, Cobwebs in the Bush, Likes it on the Bottom, Just Brian, Dickin Cider, Just John, Just Mark, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Stump Humper, Just Steven, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Melissa, Flying Hooters, Mouthful of Meat, Two Tickets to a Pair Thighs, Just Lauren, Boner Malfunction, Smell This, Lochness Cockster, Just Amanda, Just Jenn, Lower Whackoff, Sex Luthor, Just Mandy, Just Allen
VIRGINS= 3
TOTAL HASHERS= 40

The Chicago Hash invented the date 9/31/07 so that we would still hash this past week otherwise there would have been a hash layover of 13 days until hashers could recharge with beer and this just won�t do!!! The Hares did find us a bar that actually served pitchers, a great concept, and they cost $4.50 each. It has been a long time since I have seen pitchers this cheap in CHICAGO so nice job JUST TOM and ANAL ASSAULT. This was the last hash on Monday night until May 2008 and we had a very successful season with the CH3 averaging well over 35 hashers per hash. Thanks again goes out to the people who ran the Memorial Day Hash which kicked off the Summer and the 1500 hash which solidified the Summer hashing season. Thanks always goes out to those that volunteer their time and talents to hare or run the hash. We will be moving the hash to Sundays for the remainder of the fall and winter unless we have a special event.

JUST TOM took off early with JUST JENN to check the marks so ANAL ASSAULT was forced to give the chalk talk. It was very interesting chalk talk and unique to have to find 3 marks after a split but mixing things up once in awhile can be a good thing. The hash received their instructions and was off. Kudos goes out to LOCHNESS COCKSTER and SEX LUTHOR for allowing the use of their chariots for hash bags and clothes. The pack went through a garage and came out in an alley with a split. CALVIN and I went left and we were not right. I believe JUST JOHN had found trail the other way. We crossed thru several alleys and made a right to traverse Clark Street again. This happened after the main pack was forced to do a circle jerk and the back of the pack became the front. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED was now our FBI and scouted trail east to another alley. JUST AMANDA was high stepping it thru the puddles in the alley reliving her younger days when she played in those puddles.

The trail came out on Foster Avenue and TWO TICKETS came to a check on Foster where she went straight and I went north. I went the wrong way but wound up running into the ranging HORN-E. He would soon find out that short cutting and ranging today was not a good idea because he never did find the beer stop. DICKIN CIDER found the trail cutting across Broadway and led us to the shores of Lake Michigan. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT by this time had had picked up the Guam hasher, JUST PATRICK? He has consented to cum out and see us again. Along the lakefront I ran with JUST STEVEN and SEX LUTHOR and caught up with STUMP HUMPER for a while, and LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM soon joined us. The trail kept going north along Sheridan Ave. and passed under the Granville red line stop. MOAN ON TRAIL with her buddy COBWEBS in the BUSH kept complaining about the length of the trail, but �Its not how long it is but how you run it?� JUST TOM did a nice job sweeping the trail laying marks for people

to follow. The pack eventual made its way to the beer stop. JUST ALLEN and I discussed a future dress arrangement we will have for POP or the Halloween hash. FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TIKS tried to seduce me into going to a wine tasting party on Wednesday night during the CUBS game but that didn�t work. JUST JOHN was the last one in but he at least made it unlike veteran hashers CALVIN, BATTERIES, and HORN-E. All of the newbie�s made it what happened to you folks? The pack soon had its fill of beer and water, and started to move on to the bar.

Back at the bar we found our missing hashers and began to drink numerous amounts of $4.50 pitchers. BONER, MUD SUCKER, SMELL THIS, ITS TOO SOFT, SALTED GASH, and JUST LAUREN made it to the on-in as well. DAMN wankers didn�t run this TWO TICKETS trail. CALVIN ran the circle and we welcomed MOAN ON TRAIL to the Chicago Hash. We also gave her back her lost floppy hat she forgot at 1500. Personally I will like having her here not because she�s cute but because now CALVIN will have to drink every time she does down-down because when one RA drinks all RA�s drink!!! The Virgins JUST PATRICK, JUST RAPHAEL, and JUST RYAN got their down-downs. The FRB was JUST JOHN for his impersonation of Jesse Owens. The hares were pounded repeatedly for the trail but again they made up for it by providing us with � price pizza�s nice job hares!! The ladies of POP have now cleared well over 40 hashers showing up for the OCT. 13 hash with a prelube set for OCT. 12 at the Wrightwood Tap!!!

Nice going girls!!! LOWER WHCKOFF dazzled us with his tie t-shirt and JUST STEVEN was wearing his SUPERHERO underroos?? JUST AMANDA played the part of a quiet lawyer?? I thought lawyers always had something to say? JUST PATRICK was in heaven because the bar was 2 blocks from home, so there was no need for him to ride his bike drunk home today!! CALVIN kept the circle going and punished those people who were grazing on the pizza when the circle was still running, but soon the circle grew tired and hungry so hash religion was sung and the pack got their pizza and all were happy accept for some guy in the bar complaining that we were too VULGAR!!! F*** him!! After the circle closed we finally got around to naming JUST CHRIS. Davey Crochet had suggested PAYS for PIE last week because he was buying numerous pizzas for the hash. Other suggestions were the usually shitty names but we will now know JUST CHRIS as �The ONE HANDED TYPIST�. I hope to see you this SUNDAY

for the hash. It will be the last one for SMELL THIS in Chicago for a while and we should have some visitors in for the Marathon. Remember to sign up for POP Oct. 13!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1510 @ Big Joe’s
Hash Trash: 9/24/07
Hares: Virgin Banger & Ez on the Ass
Venue: Joe�s Bar

VIRGINS: Just John, Just Mandy, Just Amanda, Just Marc, Just Dusty
VISITORS: Davey Crochet (Pinelake), Flavio (San Diego)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Stupid Man, Bloody Thighs, Just Chris, Just Jenn, Rotten Whore, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Virtually Hung, Just Patrick, Just Joseph, Cums in My Assfault, Or-G, Anal Assault, Just Tom, Just Marc, Asspocket, Ernest Cummingway, Just Molly, Just Katherine, Salted Gash, Its too Soft, Packher Arse, MudSucker, Spotted Cock, Renta Virgin, Just Mark, Man A Whore, 69-Cent Man,
VIRGINS= 5
TOTAL HASHERS= 38

This hash was billed as a birthday hash for EZ, VIRGIN BANGER, and STUMP HUMPER. 38 hashers showed up for this birthday hash. The venue was set as the turtle racing capital of the world, Joe�s on Foster. STUPID MAN was the first to arrive and he talked about his two high school boys that play football. I have never seen them play but they are supposed to be top players in the state. One is a quarterback and one a wide out. I would love to one day hear the call STUPID MAN JR. to STUPID MAN JR. for a touchdown. More hashers began to arrive and Chicago welcomed FLAVIO and JUST DUSTY in from San Diego via Lambeau where their beloved Chargers lost to the Packers over the weekend. Who said hashers don�t watch football? We also welcomed 4 virgins that showed up early to run with us JUST JOHN, MARC, MANDY, and AMANDA.

The hash began around 7:30 pm with a chalk talk from the hares and the pack was off. VIRTUALLY HUNG was the early pace setter down an alley followed closely by old man HORN-E. The trail wound its way towards Lawrence but not before the pack went through a park and climbed over a fence. JUST MARC was really getting the hang of the hash because he was the FRB tonight. 69-CENT MAN with his reconstructed knees kept plodding along. The trail went through the usually hospital area where JUST KATHERINE spotted trail come through the large parking lot and called the pack to follow. It was in this area where the unfortunate JUST MANDY lost her car key? Virtually Hung again found himself up front with ROTTEN WHORE and they worked their way through Welles Park, and on under to the el-train. All along the trail MOUNT ME PUH�LZEE�s cranium reflect the full moon that was out in force throughout the night. The pack found the trail making its way to casa de VIRGIN BANGER where the pack was met by a short cutting STUPID MAN and the beautiful RENTA VIRGIN. Heinekens for all!!! The Pack enjoyed the friendly confines of the VIRGINS backyard. OR-G, JUST PATRICK, JUST JOE, and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT all sat back and popped a beer.

The pack stayed for 20 minutes plus at the beer stop and then went back to the bar. VIRTUALLY HUNG ran the circle and punished STUPID MAN for being the FRB. JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE were the FBI�s. The GM even remembered to give ASSPOCKET her lanyard and whistle she rightly deserved, of course the birthday people got their birthday down down too.

Back at the bar we also ran into ITS TOO SOFT and his small harem of PACKhER ARSE and SALTED GASH. They were the NRB�s along with DAVEY CORCHET and MUDSUCKER who showed up late. Even the MAN O WHORE rolled in drunk and disorderly. ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM acknowledge they are setting trail next week at 5200 N. Clark. It was too bad that BLOODY THIGHS had to leave early because I don�t think she got a down down. It was also different to see JUST JENN out with out the big MOLDY MAN SACK she carries around. It was nice to see about 40 hashers stuffing their collective faces with B-day cake brought by RENTA VIRGIN. The circle ended and the hashers went on their way. Hope to see all of you next week at the virgin trail of ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1509 @ Relax Sports Bar
Hash Trash: 9/17/07
Hares: Too Much Head & Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Relax Sports Bar

VIRGINS: Just Ciara, Just Aaron, Just Gina
HASHERS: Just Chris, Horn-e, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Its too Soft, Calvin Klein, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Just Julie, Just Allen, Smell This, Virgin Banger, At Your Cervix, 69-cent Man, Mouthful of Meat, Org-E, Just Peter, Just Corinne, Rhotan, I�m Late Again, Assflack,
Virgins= 3
Total Hashers= 30

The Hare TOO MUCH HEAD was so well prepared for this trail she had a google map with the trail outlined and a beer stop already planned. Future hares should take note that scouting your trail before hand like TOO MUCH HEAD did can be a good thing. She even talked to Ray the owner of the bar and explained our need for singing and $5 pitchers which helped the night run well.

Overall you have to say that TOO MUCH HEAD did everything a hare needed to do. The pack formed outside of the bar around 7:30 pm and I gave the chalk talk for the benefit of our 3 virgins and relatively new hashers. The talk was short and the pack was off. The trail was picked up by VIRTUALLY HUNG and CALVIN KLEIN going north but is soon doubled back towards a familiar Polish-Catholic Church in the neighborhood. A check was laid in its parking lot with true trail again doubling back on itself. I believe JUST MOLLY or JUST JULIE found the trail going west which soon cut through the only alley in Chicago. The HEAD trail went south and crossed Diversey. The pack ran into a check and one of the littlest dogs every seen on trail here. HORN-E went east and JUST KATHERINE west with numerous others running south. The pack was stumped and HORN-E came running back thinking he was on the false trail but he finally figured out that he had the true trail called ON-ON!!! The pack wound its way back to the east where MUDSUCKER became confused by the split in the park and many ladies like JUST CIARA and JUST JULIE got drinks of water or used the bathroom. JUST CORINNE looked like she found true trail going towards Wrightwood and the pack was smiling again. They soon were frowning though when they came to the next check and VIRGIN BANGER and RHOTAN called on-on leading the pack on a long false trail. The pack rejoined the hare, CHICKEN STIFFER, at the check and found true trail quickly. The pack with ORG-E leading ran into the short back check that ran into a dead end before they came out to the Logan Boulevard Circle and monument. Here ORG-E called on-on but didn�t realize that he had missed the check and was really on a false trail. JUST MOLLY found true trail running south and called for JUST CHRIS to join her in the search for more marks. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT was accidentally spat on by a spitting RHOTAN who was trying to clear his nasal passages. CALVIN was somewhere lost out on trail and eventual ran backwards on marks to find the beer stop. The pack was closing in on the beer and needed a little more help from some rangers to find true trail crossing back across Logan to the north. AT YOUR CERVIX kicked it into high gear when she detected the faint smell of barley and hops wafting through the air. The pack ran back towards Diversey and one of virgins, JUST GINA, seemed to be stripping on trail?? ITS TOO SOFT refused to jump the short fence to the beer stop complaining; � I DO NOT HOP OVER THINGS WHEN I CAN�T SEE THE LANDING ZONE!!!� SMELL THIS and TOO MUCH HEAD had set up the beer stop behind some storefronts and we waved numerous times to the neighbor who kept popping his cranium out the window to see what the hell was going on!! The pack devoured the two cases of beer and meandered back the bar.

CALVIN ran the circle and it is comical to see people try to interrupt him week after week, it doesn�t work he just does the RA job too well for the hash to faze him. We were soon giving down-downs to the HARES. The virgins JUST CIARA, JUST AARON, and JUST GINA were taught how to perform a correct down-down by MUDSUCKER. CALVIN brought 69-cent man into the circle for setting of the metal detector, and VIRTUALLY HUNG was named the FRB. I�M LATE AGAIN showed up fashionably late and even later was ASSFLACK who decided to join the CH3 party. JUST PETER and JUST JULIE drank for being reboots and the circle continued. After 20 minutes of accusations CALVIN had the circle singing swing low and the circle closed. Most of us watched the CUBS come back against the REDS this night scoring three runs in the bottom of the ninth for a victory, and ITS TOO SOFT cried over his losing Eagles. Overall the trail was an excellent effort by the Virgin Hare TOO MUCH HEAD and we hope she
volunteers to hare in the near future.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1508 @ The Beaumont

Hash Trash: 9/10/07
Hares: Just Lauren
Venue: Beaumonts

VIRGINS: none
HASHERS: Just Chris, Chicken Stiffer, Triple D, Just Garth, Horn-e, Moldy Man Sac, Just Jenn, Packher Azz, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Anal Assault, Just Tom, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Rotten Whore, Its too Soft, Salted Gash, Calvin Klien
Virgins= 0
Total Hashers= 21

This hash was JUST LAUREN’s virgin trail and she said she wanted to do it all by herself and she did, but she did get a little help from PACKhER AZZ. What can you say the rain started coming down but we still had 21 hashers show? Don’t you people have homes? Don’t you know you can catch cold? If the weather was nice I guess we would have had our usual 35-40 hashers out on trail?

JUST LAUREN gave us a quick chalk talk and then we were off to the North. JUST CHRIS and I stayed back because we had seen trail already coming from my house to the hash. The pack made a left on Webster by Glascotts and was going towards McGee’s, but the pack missed the right turn towards the DePaul campus that JUST MOLLY caught. The FRB spot was taken over by JUST JENN and MOLDY MAN SAC and they went back to the corner of Fullerton and Halsted. The pack found trail going back to the OZ park area and soon lost trail completely in the park.

I don’t know whom but my Guess was JUST KATERINE found trail in the blackness going towards the Halsted and Armitage corner where we ran into a check. I found trail that went west with our BIG-HUMP visitor WHACK ON WHACK OFF but we quickly ran into a three way split he choose correctly and was soon leading the pack towards the industrial area south of North Avenue. The trail ended at a construction site near Joe’s on Weed Street and JUST LARUEN had a case of beer waiting for us. Some unknown hashers supposedly ran down ROTTEN WHORE? Was it JUST LAUREN? HORN-E? Who was this hasher? The hash had to crawl under the fence and drink their beer but because of the rain we were off in a few minutes. The FBI’s were JUST MOLLY and TRIPLE D back into Beaumont’s where JUST NICK began pouring pitcher after pitcher of beer for us.

CALVIN KLEIN convened the circle and the down-downs were on. JUST LAUREN was punished numerous times for the trail, followed closely by CALVIN for his shitty weather. ITS TOO SOFT arrived and was the NRB. SALTED GASH and PACKhER AZZ announced that POP VII was going to take place on OCT. 13, 2007. We also punished CALVIN, ROTTEN, WHACK ON WHACK OFF, and ITS TOO SOFT for visiting other hashes. JUST AMANDA gave us a good lawyer joke along with ROTTEN WHOERE so they got out of their down-downs but not so for JUST GARTH who couldn’t come up with one?? Are not lawyers supposed to be able to think on their feet?? TOO MUSH HEAD has volunteered to set trail next week so we will see what she comes up with.

On a side note gentlemen the ratio of girls to guys tonight was 12:9 these are numbers that would even make BONER giggle!! I can’t remember many hashes were the ratio is right around 50:50 and its had been this way for the last several weeks at the CH3. See you all at TH3 or next MONDAY!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1507 Labor Day Hash @ The Party Central Skydeck
Hares: Its Too Soft
Venue: The Skydeck @ Party Central

VIRGINS: Just Scott, Just Ed, Just Mark, Just Kristen
HASHERS: Just Amanda, Bloody Thighs, Just Chris, At Your Cervix, Just Chris II, Just Allen, Just Molly, Just Jenn, Cums in MyAssfault, Flying Hooters, Just Tom, Just Patrick, Special Ed Giver, Sirs Poops A lot, Just Julie, Just John, Just Luis, Just Dave, Just Jenn, Moldy Man Sac, Magnetic Muff, Mudsucker, Lifa, Sex Luthor, Just Stephane. Just Lauren, Packher Arse,
Virgins= 4
Total Hashers= 33

Those of us that couldn’t get out of town for the Holiday weekend had a great day to hash and long trail to run. ITS TOO SOFT laid a long trail that went north to Wrigley field before it turned west to the corner of Western and Irving Park. We started off with four new virgins joining our band of hashers on their trek for beer. The hash went north under the el tracks and popped out near Illinois Masonic Hospital with a major check, but the marks were closely clustered together and the pack got confused until JUST MOLLY found marks with JUST JOHN going north. The pack was now being lead by JUST CHRIS squared. They also had AT YOUR CERVIX in tow finding trail going towards the Belmont and Clark corner. Here the trail went thru an alley that I found with the help of JUST ALLEN. The trail seemed to die here but went back east thru Boys Town.

The pack went north to the Addison Police station and continued around Wrigley Field. JUST KRISTEN a new virgin was in the lead group with MOLDY MAN SAC and FLYING HOOTERS. The pack kept going east and could have used a wagon to cart some of the walking wounded west much like our pioneers of old, but most made it to the corner of Western and Irving Park. Here we found our BN but soon found the trail gone, wiped out by some dude washing his car and watering his grass.

I guess **** happens as they do on all trails with this being no exception. The FRB’s enjoyed water and LIFA joined JUST JENN, JUST PATRICK, and others waiting for the back of the pack to join us. I went back to relay marks to the beer stop that had been washed away. JUST ED, JUST DAVE, and JUST LUIS soon joined us. SIR POOPS came in with his special lady SPECIAL ED GIVER. The first beer stop had been found and the second was nearby but the pack had to use the el to find it.

The pack ran to the Western brown line stop and took the el to Fullerton where we ran 20 yards to old party central for the second beer stop. LIFA and I stopped at Dominick’s for needed provisions, TOLIET PAPER for the old party central. We also got the hash some chips and pretzels, which went over well. We finished off most of the beer and ran back to the roof deck.

ITS TOO SOFT used the keg winch to get the beer up and the hash was enjoying the familiar flavor of GOLD and COLD. The hash circled up and punished the FRB CHICKEN STIFFER and we also punished MAGENTIC MUFF for excessive whining. SEX LUTHOR and JUST STEPHANE showed up saying they saw the flag on trail and followed it to FUJI’s place so the got punished for being NRB’s. JUST JENN and JUST PATRICK need to keep their racing attire at home so they got a down-down as well.

WE finally brought in our virgins in the circle, JUST ED, JUST MARK, JUST SCOTT, and JUST KRISTEN, theygot their demo down � down before they were initiated to our happy hash. The POP ladies of JUST LAUREN, SALTED GASH, PACKhER ARSE, and LIKES IT ON DA BOTTOM announced their hash on OCT. 13 in the Lincoln Park Area. The circle was closed and the food was served. Afterwards we did finally come up with a name for JUST CHRIS who will be known as “OPEN WIDE”. The party lasted late into the evening with a free screening of Old School being played for the hashers that were left. See you all next week for JUST LAURENS trail.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 8/27/07
Hares: At Your Cervix, Just Chris, and Mouthful of Meat
Venue: Blue Frog bar and Grille

VIRGINS: Just Jenn, Just Debra, Just Justin, Just Molly, Just Julie, Just Jarred, Just Kelly, Just Stephen, Just Lucy, Just Rob, Just Melissa, Just Marada, Just Amanda, Just Garth

HASHERS: Ez on the Ass, Virtually Hung, Lochness Cockster, Sex Luthor, Just Katherine, Chicken Stiffer, Two Tickets to pair thighs, Just Lori, Just Allen, Likes it on the Bottom, Salted Gash, Just Tom, Packher Arse, Just Patrick, Mount Schwiiinga, Cums in my Assfault, Boner Malfunction, Smell This, Anal Assault, Just Chris, Mudsucker, Odor Eater, Just Lauren, Black Widow, Flying Hooters, W’all Bangher, Horn-e, Rotten Whore, Its too Soft, Chip-n-dale, Just Joe

Virgins= 14
Total Hashers= 48

I guess the best name for this hash was attack of the virgins because we had 14 virgins and 48 total hashers for the virgin trail of Just Chris and At Your Cervix. The GM knew that many virgins had e-mailed that they were cumming, but I didn’t expect this many!! The venue was a perfect hash venue that seemed to be untouched by hares in the past years. I arrived and was quickly moved out of the POP meeting area by JUST LAUREN, SALTED GASH, PACKhER ARSE, LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM, and JUST JULIE. I can’t wait to see what they have planned for the POP hash on OCT. 13, 2007. I was kept busy collecting money and talking to the new people until the hash was ready to start. The hares of AT YOUR CERVIX, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT and JUST CHRIS gave us a chalk talk in the parking lot and seemed to do a creditable job because they didn’t lose any virgins on trail but they did manager to lose a few old hashers. The funniest comment of the night came from ROTTEN WHORE who said, “If you get lost look for the crane that was above the Blue Frog.” Problem was when you really looked around there were at least 4 cranes in the general area not to mention the other ones we ran around. The pack was off and the trail went north to division Street. JUST CHRIS for the first half of the trail did a great job keeping the FRB flag out in front. VIRTUALLY HUNG took the FRB spot and began to snoop out the trail. TWO TICKETS and CHIP-N-DALE also seemed to be out in front as well. The trail turned east and south after crossing Clark and Division and it was here where JUST PATRICK and I took the lead and found trail running down the strip of bars on Clark. On trail I got to meet people like BLACK WIDOW, JUST MOLLY, and JUST JARRED all of these people seemed to be enjoying the trail. The trail turned east again and hit Michigan Avenue, where JUST MOLLY and I found the long straight trail that made its way to the Water Tower across from the John Hancock building. Here I should have listened to JUST MOLLY who found trail going east , but I found trail going west and got most of the pack to follow me. Unfortunately we think that the American Girl store erased F or false mark in front of their store. The good news is that most of the pack eventually came back to the check and found true trail that ran to Lake Shore Drive with another straight away to Grand Avenue where we went left with JUST MELISSA and JUST LUCY leading the way in to the Beer stop. It was funny when the lifeguard at the Oak Street beach tried to tell us we can’t blow or whistles while running. I wonder what he did after I passed and 30 hashers with whistles ran behind me? We got to the beer stop, which was the deck of AT YOUR CERVIX, and most hashers made it except for HORN-E who got lost on trail. The 45 plus people enjoyed some beer and then took off running west to the bar about a mile away. JUST MARADA kept telling me how much fun he had along with JUST JULIE. The circle was formed after many hashers like MUDSUCKER stuffed their faces with free hotdogs from the bar. SMELL THIS called CHIP-N-DALE and I out for the FRB, and I believe JUST LORI for FBI? The circle ran for about minutes until the bartender Cliff loaded us up with free shots of whiskey. After the circle a game of flippy cup was stared by SEX LUTHOR, JUST STEPHEN, SMELL THIS, LIKES IT ON BOTTOM, and JUST LARUEN. Later still many hashers started to exchange shirts with each other. Overall this was one wild hash and great trail!!! Make sure you look at the pictures from ITS TOO SOFT for more elaborate visual proof of the fun times we had!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM