Category: Chicken Stiffer

July 13 2008, 11:30 am JUSTIN’s
Pop Hangover Hash

HARES: Lifa and R-Tard-E

VISITORS: Broken Rubber, Burning Asshole, Coppus Rejectus, Just Kellie, Hot Lips, Just Virginia, Nurse HashShit, Palms 13:15, Postaage Tramp, PMS, Pees Like a Princess, Pup Tent, Return To Gender, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Sausage Stew, Sexorcist

HASHERS: Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Chicken Stiffer, Crop Duster, Its Too Soft, Just I Lean, Likes it on the Bottom, magnetic Muff, Mount Schwiiinga, Mudsucker, PackHer Ass, R-Tard-E, Salty Gash

TOTAL HASHERS: 30

The hash was really exhausted after a hard night of partying but the diehards made it to the hash the next day. 30 hashers showed up at Justin’s and Burning Asshole was chowing down on $1 taco’s!!!!
The Chalk talk was done in the traditional R-Tard-Ease language so LIFA had to interpret for us. The hash had a choice of a short trail or a long trail most took the short but HOT LIPS, RETURN TO GENDER, ITS TOO SOFT, JUST I LEAN, CROP DUSTER, SAUSAGE STEW, and I followed the long 5 mile trail done by R-TARD-E.
The Trail went East and then south running through the neighborhoods just south of Wrigley Field. R-TARD-E teased us today because he could have run by the stadium but never did! HOT LIPS, RETURN TO GENDER, CROP DUSTER and I seemed to be up a the front of the pack with ITS TOO SOFT taking numerous pictures. Eventually the pack found trail leading to the house of SCHWIIINGA where the bad keg from the night before had been properly punished and now felt like being a good little keg and gave us the fucking beer in its belly!!!
CAVLIN lead us in a uneventful circle except for the wrestling match that took place between BROKEN RUBBER and SAUSAGE STEW. You can view this if you go to the hashspace of ITS TOO SOFT. Man if that is FOREPLAY I don’t know what they do for Sex in CUM-BLOW-US. SCHWIIINGA, PACKhER ASS, SALTY and CROP DUSTER got the grill going and we had ourselves a cook out complete with burgers and dogs. The Keg eventually was killed so we went to cans. Overall this was a great way to end the hash weekend on SUNDAY and say good bye to some good friends!!

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Hash Trash:

July 12, 2008 POP the Main Event!!!

FOUR TREY’s 3333 N. Damen

Visitors: Brrr (Austin), BIG HUMPERS: Burning Asshole, Nurse Hashshit, Pees Like a Princess, PMS, Postage Tramp, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Sexorcist. CUM-BLOW-US: Broken Rubber, Sausage Stew, Pup Tent. Nice Try-DECOC, Just Carole (Denver), HOT LIPS (Grand Rapids), Scratchy (GUAM), INDYSCENT : Double Fister, Fishlips, Oral Persuasion, Moan On Trail, KCH3: Extenze for Menz, Fuck My Mom, I is EZ, Waukesha (sucks) 2 Can Slam, Palms 13:15, Creamin and Screamin, Ass Clown (Sir Walter Raleigh) Finger Picken Good (Little Rock), Return to Gender & Just Virgina (Madison), Punch Drunk Beaver & Shaves a hairy Ass (Panama City)

Hashers: 69-cent Man, Coppus Rejectus, Sir Poops A lot, Puke Suit Riot, 2 Tickets to a Pair Thighs, 867-5309, Bag Squeezer, Barks on All Fours, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Chicken Stiffer, Crop Duster, Cuma Slutra, Cums On I Lean, Hoosier Daddy, Inernational Virgin, Its Too Soft, Just Bill, Just Cari, Just I Lean, Just Julia, Just Nettie, Just Saud, Just YK, Lifa, Likes it on the Bottom Magnetic Muff, Milk My Yak, Mount Schwiinga, Mud Sucker, Odor Eater, Packher Ass, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Salty Gash, Sit-N-Pee, Snatch Squatch, Super Stuff’her, The Enema Canal, The Grrrreat Lochness Cockster, Too Much Head, Just John, Virtually Hung, W’all BangHer, Stump Humper, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Uploader, Just Jaime, Just Tony, Just John, Just Amanda, Ez on the Ass, Happy Ass Grabber, The hasher formerly named “I’m Late Again”

VISITORS: 31
CHICAGO HASHERS: 57
Total: 88 HASHERS

I got to the Bar around 1:30 pm and the ladies were already well on their way to getting the hash room ready for the day. SALTY and PACKHER ASS were ready for regos and ROTTEN arrived with ODOR who brought in his DJ equipment for the evening. LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM and 867-5309 were out setting trail and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA was sleeping off a hang over? Slowly hashers began to arrive the most important being MILK MY YAK with BARKS on all FOURS and their 3 lovely 5-gallon containers of IPA home brew!!! The kegs were tapped and IPA was around for all to try. I can barely remember it from hashball damn that stuff is potent. The weather prediction was for thunderstorms throughout the day but nothing ever developed from it. In fact it was a perfect day to run with the cloud cover blocking what could have been a blistering sun from the hashers, causing us to sweat out our alcohol.

The POP ladies conducted the Circle. It was great to see so many familiar faces and a few new ones JUST JAIME and JUST TONY joining the CH3 hash today, but where was CALVIN, PMS, and POSTAGE??? They arrived right at the start because CALVIN missed the ADDISON el-stop? The Pack was off and I walked with CALVIN to the ADDISON stop because he saw marks there and we wanted to be short cutting bastards!!! I guess we missed the shot stop because the CTA was doing construction where the stop was going to be oh darn!!! We got to the first beer stop and there was JUST JOHN, FINGER PICKIN GOOD, JUST I LEAN, and MILK MY YAK with UPLOADER trying to get beer from a bad keg. Being hashers they tried everything. They turned the keg on its side; they turned it upside down, they even yelled at it to come out but to no avail. ROTTEN and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA ran out and got some beer replacements and the pack was happy when they got in.

The Second beer stop was off some where in the distance but before we got there the POP ladies said we would need to pick up playing cards on trail. These would be used at the next beer stop for some games. The next stop was PUKE SUIT RIOTS former abode and to get there we ran by the LINCOLN-BELMON street festival and through CUBS TRAFFIC that was happy after the CUBS beat SF 8-7. MILK MY YAK went back and got one of his 5-gallons of beer for this stop and we had plenty of IPA or HEINEKINS around. The cards were used to give drinks (black) or take drinks (red). MOUNT SCHWIIIINGA also had some hashers tell some jokes or do a dance! HAPPY, BROKEN RUBBER and I? Told some pretty bad jokes. The other team did some dance which involved one hasher pulling down his shorts, go figure? Eventually the Hash was asked to leave by a nice young lady. We invited to join us and CALVIN was even willing to sing her NELLIE DARLING but I don’t think she thought it was funny, too bad?

We got back to the bar around 5:30 pm and CALVIN, SCHWIIINGA, and THE ENEMA CANAL got the circle going. In typical Calvin fashion the Circle ran for about 45-minutes and everyone was nailed with a down-down. I is EZ got back her mug and PACKhER ASS got her gift from INDY. SUPER STUF’HER got the sleeve of death. I’m sure everyone was happy with the event so far no only if the food was good as well!!! The Circle ended and Hot Beef sandwiches with pasta were served. Everyone was happy with the food and ate and ate and ate!!! There still was food left at the end of the night. Our good friend ODOR got the party going with some music and the party room/ garage got hot so we went looking for a way to open the garage door. PACKhER ASS being every so resourceful conned the info out the bartender and found the garage door opener in the flower basket. The door magically lifted and cool night air floated in. This also allowed our resident smokers to step quickly outside for a puff.

Flippy cup was played by STEWY, STUFF’HER, JUST AMANDA, CHICKEN, RETURN TO GENDER, and others. ROTTEN WHORE danced on the tabletop and we have named her newfound friends on her chest as Exhibit A and Exhibit B!!! Overall I began to lose track of time, but I do know that more kegs were sent for and they arrived in magic white chariot or maybe it was jus a white van? The end of the night found JUST I LEAN mopping the floor because liquor was spilled on the bar room floor and the shop was closed for the night.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 6/28/08 CHICAGO JV- #1
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: The Union
VIRGINS: Just Martin, Just Max, Just Eric, Just Noah
VISITORS: K.O. (Boise Larrikins) Too Drunk (Boise Larrikins)
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Just John, Just Brett, The Porcelain God, The Great Lochness Cockster, 2 Tickets Too A Pair a Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Moan On Trail,
VIRGINS= 5
VISTORS= 2
TOTAL HASHERS= 17

Well the CHICAGO HASH JV #1 took place on Saturday and my thoughts were we would be lucky to get 10 hashers to show up, but we got 17 people out on the first hash and I was surprised. R-TARD-E was drinking at NOON good R-TARD. WRAPPER SNATCHER gave me a big kiss for promoting this idea because she can�t hash on Monday nights and has no car to get out to other hashers. This was the sentiment of 4 other Chicago Hashers one that was present and 3 that were not but said they will show up for the JV hash #2 if they can. This was the main reason to start this hash going but two other reasons presented themselves today as well. We had two great visitors from the BOISE LARRIKINS hash who would have gone without hashing today if it wasn�t for this hash; something I completely forgot about was the possibility of more visitors showing up? Boy am I a dumb ass or what? Don�t answer that!!! The other reason was to allow more virgins to make hash and they did and they loved it!!
The Hash started at 1 pm and even that didn�t seem to screw anyone up people made it on time and 2 TICKETS TOO A PAIR A THIGHS and THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER even arrived at their usual time, 5-minutes late. Our new virgins got in the spirit of things and JUST MARTIN, JUST MAX, and JUST ERIC were doing te-kill-me shots before they ran I set a live trail through the beautiful architecture of Lincoln Park/Lakeview neighborhoods. I ran through alleyways and alleys and even cut right by the CHICKEN house, which confused many hashers who thought the beer stop would be there. The trail ended at the OLD PARTY CENTRAL where our lovely hostess MOAN ON TRAIL waited for us with semi-cold TECATE. The pack came in with the THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER as our FRB and ROTTEN WHORE was our FBI. We waited for the rest to show up but TOO DRUNK was having a calf problem. I didn�t set trail to the farm of the LINCOLN PARK ZOO so I had no idea what he was talking about.
The pack made it back to the Union where we took over the bar from two patrons and when we sang our songs with verve and gusto they decided to leave the beer garden to the hashers. ROTTEN WHORE was given a down-down for using three lines to mark true trial, which confused our visitors because three lines in Boise is a false trail. We sang songs for our virgins and we called out JUST JOHN and WRAPPER SNATCHER for no hash attire. THE RA-CHICKEN was given a down-down for great weather and shitty trail. ITS TOO SOFT couldn�t even sing the song he picked for the RA correctly and was punished. MOAN ON TRAIL showed up in her familiar plaid blue hat and drank RED BULL and VODKA, hmmm good!!! The PORCELAIN GOD was being too frisky with the SNATCHER and was called out as well. The Circle lasted about 30 minutes and we enjoyed $6 pitchers of Bud Light and $10 pitchers of Guinness and then we sang Swing Low. After we did close circle we got arounf to naming JUST BRETT. Names
like big feet, little dick and other red headed names flew but JUST BRETT is now SNATCHSQUATCH. The CUBS-SOX game was on and about half-hour after we closed circle the heavy deluge came so no one else can claim they ran this hash because all the marks are now gone. JV # 2 should take place on JULY 26, 2008 and we might tie it into the LINCOLN STREET FESTIVAL. Maybe run at 1 pm and then go see a great band play?

CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM

Laying Trail Sucks. Literally.

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
Hashed 16 June 2008, 7PM
Lottie’s (Dottie, We Likes to Party)

CHICAGO #1549 – Just ask GIDDY UP. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything she’s ever experienced, she discovers that her co-hare, VIRTUALLY HUNG, is a vampire. And Surprise! Now she’s one too. For some hares, the whole running-and-drinking thing would have been a deal breaker. But VIRTUAL and GIDDY UP are hashers, and they vow to work through their Checks.

But word has it that the hare who initially laid trail wasn’t supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, VIRTUAL’s erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a red-haired Austin call girl named (duh) BRRR! And that really sucks.

If you recently picked up the literary gem “You Suck” by Christopher Moore, not only did you have an instant savings of $3.49 from Borders but THE ENEMA CANAL now has your book for safe keeping since the staff at 1925 W. Cortland will watch your bags but they are not keeping a library.

With the weather getting warmer one has to wonder if Hashers actually have some legal form of employment because the number of hashers showing up for Monday night is getting to the point where we are taking over the bars. “Now seating party of 40!” There are always your familiar faces like CUMS ON I LEAN, HORN-E, and JUST I LEAN. And there are the less than frequent like INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN, UP LOADER, MOLDY MAN SAC and JUST AMANDA. But now we are getting people we ran out of town like PRICK OF THE LITTER who lives down in Nashville town. It doesn’t matter as long as everyone pays their Hash Cash and makes an attempt to get lost (which is why you pay first.)

We also had a high number of virgins, 7 total (Mohammed has 4 and 20 virgins [with comments like this I’m going on the naughty list like Salman Rushdie]). JUSTs RENI, MANDY, MARTHA, EVA, ANDREA, EMILY, and JENNA for one reason or another showed up with probably not the slightest idea of what was to happen. Of course they should be okay as VIRTUAL’s explanation of Hash Marks is always easy to understand. I still believe that DR. FUCKS A LOT from Buffalo (He didn’t go to 4 years of fucking medical school to be called “mister”) was still confused how we did things here. We introduced ourselves to the virgins while TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS tried to blend in with them. And then we dispersed like a flash mob hopped up on caffeine.

The day that JUST JOHN was introduced to hashing, the FRBs must have taught him all the wrong things ass he was passing up THE PORCELAIN GOD and CROP DUSTER on the trail. Meanwhile JUST AMY was busy chatting about awesome yoga stretches with her virgin. W’ALL BANGHER was looking very determined to be one of the front runners as she was prepared with her blue knee pads. As for CHICKEN STIFFER and HORN-E, if past experiences serve me well, they were probably far off trail hoping to find a short cut.

The hares, whom still suck, were particularly mean today as they circle jerked and zig-zagged the trail back and forth. LIFA enjoys these trails while R-TARD-E is just trying to be the DFL, again and again and again. Which brings us to our non-descript beer stop which at least one hasher almost ran right by. ENEMA played a cruel joke on HORN-E by handing him an empty beer (acceptable hash behavior) to which HORN-E replied by opening his slightly shaken beer into ENEMA’s ear (also acceptable). CUMS ON I LEAN somehow beat all the other bimbos and was actually the FBI to the beer stop which means that all the others should be ashamed on themselves to losing to a “Walker” (Not that this is competitive by any means.)

So let’s fast forward to the On-In. Multiple hashers decided to harass our waitress with food orders thereby preventing the free flow of beer, shame on all of you involved especially JUST ALEXIS who should feed her tapeworm before she leaves the house. Amazingly a lot of NRB showed up to include MOUNT SCHWIINGA, TOO MUCH HEAD, WRAPPER SNATCHER, SALTY GASH, JUST CLAIRE, and I LIKE DICK (who oddly enough was behaving). BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CUMS ON I LEAN were of immense help keeping vessels wet with the good stuff as the very noisy circle was going on, exhausting the Apprentice RAs repertoire of songs. Speaking of songs, we all learned it is hard to say “THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER has two but very small” fast enough to get to the next line.

HARES (2.5): Giddy Up, Virtually Hung, Giddy Up’s Driver
VIRGINS (7): Just Reni, Just Emily, Just Mandy, Just Martha, Just Eva, Just Andrea, Just Jenna
VISITORS (3): Dr. Fucks a Lot (Buffalo), Prick of the Litter (Nashville), BRRR (Austin)
HASHERS [with almost half being NRBs] (39): Two Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lockness Cockster, Its Too Soft, Chicken Stiffer, Horn-E, 867-5309, Too Much Head, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porecelain God, Sit-n-pee? (Just Ed), The Enema Canal, UpLoader, Salty Gash, EZ on the Ass, Likes it on the Bottom, R-Tard-E, W’all Bangher, Batteries not Included, Cums on I Lean, Just I Lean, Mouthful of Meat, Just Alexis, Just Claire, Just Nettie, Mount Schwiiinga, Just John, More Tail, Moldy Man Sac, I Like Dick, Just Amy, Mudsucker, Sir Poops a Lot, International Virgin, Crop Duster, Risky Business, Just Brett, Just Amanda, and Lifa
TOTAL: 52 Peeps
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Hashers are placed in alphabetical order by favorite movie.
Favorite movie of Two Tickets is: Annie
Favorite movie of Lifa is: Waterworld

Hash Trash: 4/13/08
Hares: Lower Whackoff
Venue: Gladstone Lounge

VIRGINS: Just Ben, Just Joan, Just Amanda
VISITORS: Dr. Anus
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Cums On I Lean, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Magnetic Muff, I like Dick, Just I Lean, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Just Steve, KGB, The Enema Canal, Virtually Hung, Or-G, Just Tim, Flying Hooters, Two Tickets to Pair-a-Thighs, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, Horn-E, Rotten Whore, BEST EFFORT: CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED (at a SOX GAME?)
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS= 1
TOTAL HASHERS= 26

Those of you that missed yesterday�s hash missed a trail that did very little pavement pounding. We all know that most of the CH3 hashes are pavement pounders but once in a while we get to go off road like we did today. LOWER WHACKOFF used copious amounts of flour to mark this trail and we even were questioned by Forest Preserve cops about seeing a possible Bow Hunter in the woods? I guess running like a deer would not have been a smart move today? We welcomed DR. ANUS and his bunny to the hash and the damned guy ran with it on his back all day. Today we had 3 new virgins that hashed with us JUST AMANDA, JUST JOAN, and JUST BEN made it out and had a great time with us. As we left the bar the denizens of place were getting ready for a Chili contest so we knew we had a free dinner when we got back thank God no one had Chili on the way out that could have been messy? JUST TIM raced in just before we got out on the street. LOWER WHACKOFF gave us hash directions and sent
us on our way North on Milwaukee. The leader of our merry pack was VIRTUALLY HUNG and OR-G they found trail wandering northeast until it hit the Chicago River area. We paralleled the river with VIRTUAL up front and TWO TICKETS being our front running bimbo.
The trail went down Central and back into the muck and mire of the Chicago River basin and HORN-E was now up front with the pack. We ran by the Edgewood golf course club house and came to a check. HORN-E went left but it was the wrong way. ITS TOO SOFT and I LIKE DICK spied some flour off in the distance of the woods but the trouble was it really was more like a swamp. DR. ANUS went tramping through the underbrush with THE ENEMA CANAL following his ANUSNESS closely. MOUTHFUL of MEAT, SUPER STUFFER, and JUST AMANDA were bringing up the rear. We found trail heading out of the woods near Peterson and Devon and we crossed the street only to find ourselves walking on more water with this LOWER WHACKOFF special trail. I LIKE DICK was particularly pleased with this trail because he praised LOWER WHACKOFF with each breath. I heard things like �THIS TRAIL SUCKS�, �DAMN MORE WATER�, and �THIS IS WORSE than A CALVIN TRAIL�!!! We cut out of the woods and crossed Peterson and ran
in a sub-division for a while here CUMMA SLUTRA was running with her buddy JUST BRIAN. JUST JOAN gave me a great break and said the trail was across the train tracks and I became the FRB and actually from there the beer stop was only a � mile away where MAGNETIC MUFF waited in her car with 60 cans of beer. When we got to the beer stop there were 7-8 cars backed into to their parking spots but when we left there were none I think they were intimidated by the hash. As I mentioned the Forest Preserve Police stopped by looking for some bow hunter but the only people that I saw hunting were FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TICKETS, our breast shields, seemed to be on the prowl for 23-year old police officers it was quite funny when they asked for his phone number and he said, �911�!! MOUNT ME was very displeased with these bimbo�s actions because it was flagrant disrespect of a police officer! The pack enjoyed their fine beers and went back out to central but our fearless ITS TOO SOFT
found a metal hoop in the woods that jumped out and tackled him on the concrete. ITS TOO SOFT had to auto hash back to the bar with MUFF, TWO TIKS, and HOOTERS.
We got back to the bar and everyone went straight to the Chili. We got some pitchers going and finished watching the CUBS who won in extra innings. VIRTUALLY HUNG took over the RA job today for CALVIN and ran the circle. OR-G and TWO TIKS were our FRB�s. The Non-runners were ROTTEN WHORE, JUST I LEAN, and CUM on I LEAN, who also played the part of Beer Mistress today. KGB was our DFL I think he actually came over from the second city hash today. ROTTEN WHORE proceeded to get a nice beer shower down the front of her shirt, are we not a little to old for a wet t-shirt contests? CUMMA SLUTRA and CUMS ON I LEAN got their 10-run lanyards and next week JUST BRIAN should get his, if he shows. The circle was short and sweet because there was chili to be had! I do not know about you but maybe this could be a good choice for best trail? Or better yet best ON-IN with free chili? After most of the hashers left FUJI, I, and JUST STEVE met up with BATTERIES and CALVIN in the
Green zone for a beer at Haligan�s. JUST STEVE on the ride in kept complaining about getting to the bar because �HE NEEDED BEER TO KILL HIS HEADACHE� See you next week for the 420 hash!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 4/6/08
Hares: Batteries not included, and Calvin Klein
Venue: Four Trey�s

VIRGINS: Just Andy, Just Lisa
VISITORS: Elmer Pudphucker
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Just Charlie, Just Tom, R-Tard-E, Just Pat, Magnetic Muff, Mount Schwiiinga, Cobwebs In the Bush, 8675309, Likes it on the Bottom, Sperm Diversion, I like Dick, Stab�em and Slab�em, Princess Labia, Just I Lean, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Coffee, Tea, or Me, Uploader, I�m Late Again, Just Steve, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Lifa, KGB, Bloody Thighs, Chip-n-Dale, BEST EFFORT- Salty Gash, Packher Ass
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS= 1
TOTAL HASHERS= 37

A great recipe for hashing is take a new spring April day add 60-degree weather and you get a great hash with close to 40-hashers. Our hares today were the venerable CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. They took off with a good 20-minute head start for their live haring. This is not even close to the usually 5-10 minute head start most hares get, but maybe CALVIN is getting slow in his old age? The hash today saw many old faces rejoin the hash on such a beautiful day and we saw two new virgins as well. JUST LISA and JUST ANDY came to our hash because JUST Lisa�s friend hashes in Boise, Idaho!! We also welcomed back LIFA from the interhash and he was bearing gifts for some hashers! I�M LATE AGAIN, UPLOADER, COBWEBS IN THE BUSH, and LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM also came back to the CH3 today and we were happy to have them back. The chalk talk was done by yours truly but I did have a memorable moment dropping an F-Bomb when a family was walking by. The trail started
across the street and MOUNT SCWIIINGA was right on it with I LIKE DICK close behind. The trail went west and south for a while and UPLOADER was sniffing the trail out with SPERM DIVERSION scouting in front. ELMER PUDPHUCKER was having a great time running the trail with STAB�EM and KGB. I�m glad we were able to give him a semi-decent day to run on in Chicago. The trail here came back North and crossed over Addison and went west. JUST CHARLIE seemed to find trail today even though he was running with a dislocated shoulder from the Thursday Hash. The back of the pack saw the dog walkers today with COBWEBS in THE BUSH and JUST STEF bringing along their furry friends to the hash. 8675039, now part of the POP crew was out early today with the planning committee getting ready to show us a good time on July 12. COFFEE, TEA, or ME was out with Just Hannah? I believe. We crossed the Addison Bridge over the Chicago River and went north again.
We quickly found what has to be he last chunk of snow from the winter North of Brother Rice High School. We went North still crossing Irving Park Road until Magnetic Muff found trail crossing over the Montrose bridge back to the East. We meandered through the neighborhoods and CHIP-N-DALE along with SPERM DIVERSION found the Beer stop at Margie�s. CALVIN and BATTERIES found us a hole in the wall bar that even had the CUBS game on. We stayed at the beer stop for about � hour and watched the CUBS defeat the ASSSSTROs. It seems like our new virgins were having a good time and should be back sometime soon!! We were soon out and ran straight south on Damen back to the bar.
CALVIN got the circle going while MOUNT SCHWIIINGA and I�M LATE AGAIN kept the hash with full pitchers. Our FRB was SPERM DIVERSION and the FBI was MAGNETIC MUFF? CHICKEN STIFFER got a lot of lost property returned to him today. VIRGIN BANGER and RENTA VIRGIN showed up with a new pup so we had 3 dogs at this hash. The Virgin dog is a definite hash dog because it loved to drink beer, AWESOME!! JUST BRIAN is slowly approaching his 10th hash along with CUMMA SLUTRA and you know what that means, LANYARDS and whistles!! The circle went on for some time and then CALVIN got hungry so he closed the circle.
After the circle was closed we had three hashers that needed a naming so we sent JUST STEF, JUST TOM, and JUST PAT to the other part of the bar. The hash got together and throw out a bunch of suggestions things like Stubby, Pipe Blower, Triple D, Serves the Hard Rock, Lie on a lady, Blow me were heard in the FOUR TREY�s but JUST PAT�S name is now 3 x A LADY, JUST STEF is now CUMS ON I LEAN, and JUST TOM is now BAG SQUEEZER!!! Next week the hash is up in the 5600 north block of Milwaukee at the Gladstone Lounge. Be watchful of the POLISH CONSTITUION DAY HASH on May 5 and Memorial Day hash on May 25. If you want to travel come to Indy on May 17 or Waukesha on May 10th.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 3/30/08
Hares: I Like Dick, Just I Lean
Venue: Shenanagin’s

VIRGINS: Just Neil, Just Mike, Just Mike, Just Matt
VISITORS:
HASHERS- Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Just Brian, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mouthful of Meat, Just Charlie, Just Tom, PackHer Ass, Ballsalotapus, Or-GE, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Cum in My Assfault, Just Rob, Just Rob II, Super Stuffer, Just Pat, Odor Eater, Just Teresa, Magnetic Muff,
VIRGINS= 4
VISTORS= 0
TOTAL HASHERS= 32

Many members of the CH3 went down to Grant Park to run the Shamrock shuffle today. SALTY, PACKHER, CALVIN, ROTTEN, ITS TOO SOFT, CHICKEN, OR-G, ODOR, JUST TOM, and MAGNETIC MUFF all ran some respectable times. After the race the whole group enjoyed the second year of beer in a box. OR-G, I, and SALTY went around begging for beer coupons from runners who were not going to use them and we had over 150 coupons for free beer. By the time we got to the hash at 2 pm we were very wasted. 32-hasers showed up to hash today nice job!!

JUST I LEAN and I LIKE DICK were our hares for today and laid three trails a walking trail, a jogging trail, and running trail. The pack slowly arrived at the bar and we even had a 4×4 try to park on the division street sidewalk to hash with us. The hares gave the chalk talk and the pack was gone with OR-G leading it. The trail wound around the lakefront and worked its way back to SUPER STUFFER’s place where he and MOUTHFUL of MEAT waited for the pack to arrive. JUST I LEAN proceeded to throw a can of beer to the GM, which hit him in the eye. Thank God the beer was cold so I used it as an ice pack. The Beer stop was superb and the pack enjoyed the beer and then took off for the bar.

CALVIN KLEIN led circle from the dance floor perch at the bar. He greeted our new virgins JUST NEIL, JUST MIKE & MIKE, and JUST MATT. ROTTEN WHORE was a big NON-RUNNER along with ODOR. The FRB was OR-G? And FBI CUMMA SLUTRA? CALVIN had a great old time running circle he even called out SUPER STUFFER and sang to him while he flipped the boy upside down!! The circle brought in SALTY and PACKHER ASS for outstanding running times at the Shamrock and JUST ROB II drank for being a reboot.

By this time I was way to unsober to remember much of the night. I do remember that after the circle ROTTEN WHORE, BATTERIES, CUMMA SLUTRA, and Even R-TARD-E tried to pole dance on the bar but R-Tard-E didn’t have the body for the pole so he was dismissed. The other Pole dancers entertained the hashers and all the other denizens of the bar. JUST PAT and ASSFAULT played a little one on one? People get your mind out of the gutter there was a basketball court in the bar. It looked like all had a good time so we will see you next week!!! Hopefully 60-degree weather SUNDAY!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

________

Hash Trash: 3/23/08
Hares: Virtually Hung, Cum In My Assfault
Venue: Virtually Hungs Casa

VIRGINS: Just Nora
VISITORS:
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Just I LEAN, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, 8675309, Mouthful of Meat, Just Charlie, Just Tom, Bloody Thighs, Stab�em and Slab�em, Lockness Cockster, Just Pat, Special Ed Giver, PackHer Ass, KGB, Happy Ass Grabber, Just Mike, Mr. Cheese Cake, CP, Mudsucker
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS= 0
TOTAL HASHERS= 30

Last year saw the Easter Hash at Virtually Hungs place and 15 people showed, this year we doubled that to 30 hashers at casa Virtually Hung. Next year should we expect 45? The day was great for hashing with 45-degrees and Sunny and many hashers like WRAPPER SNATCHER, ASSFAULT, BLOODY THIGHS and others had on cute bunny tails when they ran. The chalk talk was completed in the alley behind VIRTUALLY HUNG�s place and the pack was off. CALVIN KLEIN was soon leading the pack east towards the lake with the LOCKNESS COCKSTER close behind. Mr. CHEESECAKE was out there somewhere but after the first missed check he caught trail heading east to Lakeshore Drive. The pack was stumped with a check on Lakeshore and Argyle until HAPPY ASS GRABBER and JUST PAT found the trail going north. Soon the whole pack like SALTY and PACKhER ASS were following the trail west but this was after there was a big long false trail that most of the pack hit. The trail went through the north side
neighborhoods until it ended at BLOODY THIGHS place. JUST NORA our virgin was the first woman in and the pack enjoyed a fine Special Export beer at the house of BLOODY THIGHS. We sat on our butts for 15 minutes and then it was getting cold so we ran back the couple of blocks to where we had more beer and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT was making us some food.
Back at the home of VIRTUALLY HUNG we made the circle in the basement where CALVIN lead the circle in some songs? HAPPY talked about what does and does not happen after you get married to MILK MY YAK. The hares were punished numerous times for the crappy trail? But great food. KGB, 8675309, Mr. CHEESECAKE, and others were reboots. CP is now considered a visitor to the CH3, and MUDSUCKER missed the circle completely. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED announced that we now have a Hash Bar Wiki so hares can find bars in their neighborhood that are hash friendly. JUST STEFF and JUST I LEAN had to take off early so Steff could make her way to Madison via the bus at Midway. Eventually the circle closed and people began to go upstairs for food and more beer!! JUST BRIAN and JUST CHARLIE had a good time talking with CP. CP seemed to turn a little red during their conversations over what I have no idea. ITS TOO SOFT again was snapping all the pictures he could get before the hash
was over. Hope to see you next week at the SHAMROCK SHUFFLE POST HASH.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 3/2/08
Hares: Rotten Whore, Odor Eater
Venue: Rottens Place

VIRGINS: Just Stephanie, Just Pops, Just Janet
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Magnetic Muff, Just Ryan, Moldy Man Sac, Lifa, 8675309, Mouthful of Meat, Up Loader, R-Tard-E, Just Tara, Just Charlie, Just Tim, Just Andy, Just Kevin, Just Kristen
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 35

The day after hash ball was billed as a hangover hash and the GM came fully prepared to meet those conditions. I don�t know what the rest of you were thinking but shouldn�t all of you have come late to the hash with a raging headache and shaking knees? The day had 50-degree weather and with nice weather out comes the hashers, 35 hashers to be exact. I really can�t comment about the trail because I was on a bus making my way south, but I did hear that many people missed the beer stop? Good thing the hash ball had left an over keg for hashers at the on-in. I made it right in time for the circle run by our own CALVIN KLEIN. He quickly punished the hares, ROTTEN WHORE and ODOR EATER. Our FRB was I don�t fucking know and our FBI was I don�t fucking know because I was still drunk. I do know that we had three virgins show up that laughed their asses off at our hash songs. JUST POPS, JUST STEPHANIE, and JUST JANET cannot wait to come back next week. JUST TARA gets a shout
out for inviting them to the hash. JUST I LEAN finally turned 23 today and if you haven�t seen him we have renamed him TOM CRUISE��� Not!!!!! It was nice to see MOLDY MAN SAC and 8675309 make it out today I guess a warm Sunday without football is all we need to get him to hash. Please do not tell him about Arena Football. MILK MY YAK was pouring beer today for the hash. If you haven�t heard MILK MY YAK has been officially fired from the Haberdashery, but was been retained by the CH3 Mismanagement as the official Brew Master of the CH3 due to his supreme efforts of making tasty beer for the hash ball. CUMMA SLUTCHA and JUST BRAIN (our plumber) made it out today and even found time to down a few slices of Pizza, which I have been told is the largest pizza hashers have every seen in Chicago. That ZA was 22 inches strong I�m sure not as big as ITS TOO SOFT but close. Eventual the circle was closed and most came inside to await the arrival of that large pie. Well I hope
to see you out next week and check out the Green Dress Hash link if you are still thinking about joining 18 CH3 hashers in St. Louis.

http://www.big-hump.com/content.php?Green+Dress+2008

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM