Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1540

Hash Trash: 4/13/08
Hares: Lower Whackoff
Venue: Gladstone Lounge

VIRGINS: Just Ben, Just Joan, Just Amanda
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Cums On I Lean, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Magnetic Muff, I like Dick, Just I Lean, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Just Steve, KGB, The Enema Canal, Virtually Hung, Or-G, Just Tim, Flying Hooters, Two Tickets to Pair-a-Thighs, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, Horn-E, Rotten Whore, BEST EFFORT: CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED (at a SOX GAME?)

Those of you that missed yesterday�s hash missed a trail that did very little pavement pounding. We all know that most of the CH3 hashes are pavement pounders but once in a while we get to go off road like we did today. LOWER WHACKOFF used copious amounts of flour to mark this trail and we even were questioned by Forest Preserve cops about seeing a possible Bow Hunter in the woods? I guess running like a deer would not have been a smart move today? We welcomed DR. ANUS and his bunny to the hash and the damned guy ran with it on his back all day. Today we had 3 new virgins that hashed with us JUST AMANDA, JUST JOAN, and JUST BEN made it out and had a great time with us. As we left the bar the denizens of place were getting ready for a Chili contest so we knew we had a free dinner when we got back thank God no one had Chili on the way out that could have been messy? JUST TIM raced in just before we got out on the street. LOWER WHACKOFF gave us hash directions and sent
us on our way North on Milwaukee. The leader of our merry pack was VIRTUALLY HUNG and OR-G they found trail wandering northeast until it hit the Chicago River area. We paralleled the river with VIRTUAL up front and TWO TICKETS being our front running bimbo.
The trail went down Central and back into the muck and mire of the Chicago River basin and HORN-E was now up front with the pack. We ran by the Edgewood golf course club house and came to a check. HORN-E went left but it was the wrong way. ITS TOO SOFT and I LIKE DICK spied some flour off in the distance of the woods but the trouble was it really was more like a swamp. DR. ANUS went tramping through the underbrush with THE ENEMA CANAL following his ANUSNESS closely. MOUTHFUL of MEAT, SUPER STUFFER, and JUST AMANDA were bringing up the rear. We found trail heading out of the woods near Peterson and Devon and we crossed the street only to find ourselves walking on more water with this LOWER WHACKOFF special trail. I LIKE DICK was particularly pleased with this trail because he praised LOWER WHACKOFF with each breath. I heard things like �THIS TRAIL SUCKS�, �DAMN MORE WATER�, and �THIS IS WORSE than A CALVIN TRAIL�!!! We cut out of the woods and crossed Peterson and ran
in a sub-division for a while here CUMMA SLUTRA was running with her buddy JUST BRIAN. JUST JOAN gave me a great break and said the trail was across the train tracks and I became the FRB and actually from there the beer stop was only a � mile away where MAGNETIC MUFF waited in her car with 60 cans of beer. When we got to the beer stop there were 7-8 cars backed into to their parking spots but when we left there were none I think they were intimidated by the hash. As I mentioned the Forest Preserve Police stopped by looking for some bow hunter but the only people that I saw hunting were FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TICKETS, our breast shields, seemed to be on the prowl for 23-year old police officers it was quite funny when they asked for his phone number and he said, �911�!! MOUNT ME was very displeased with these bimbo�s actions because it was flagrant disrespect of a police officer! The pack enjoyed their fine beers and went back out to central but our fearless ITS TOO SOFT
found a metal hoop in the woods that jumped out and tackled him on the concrete. ITS TOO SOFT had to auto hash back to the bar with MUFF, TWO TIKS, and HOOTERS.
We got back to the bar and everyone went straight to the Chili. We got some pitchers going and finished watching the CUBS who won in extra innings. VIRTUALLY HUNG took over the RA job today for CALVIN and ran the circle. OR-G and TWO TIKS were our FRB�s. The Non-runners were ROTTEN WHORE, JUST I LEAN, and CUM on I LEAN, who also played the part of Beer Mistress today. KGB was our DFL I think he actually came over from the second city hash today. ROTTEN WHORE proceeded to get a nice beer shower down the front of her shirt, are we not a little to old for a wet t-shirt contests? CUMMA SLUTRA and CUMS ON I LEAN got their 10-run lanyards and next week JUST BRIAN should get his, if he shows. The circle was short and sweet because there was chili to be had! I do not know about you but maybe this could be a good choice for best trail? Or better yet best ON-IN with free chili? After most of the hashers left FUJI, I, and JUST STEVE met up with BATTERIES and CALVIN in the
Green zone for a beer at Haligan�s. JUST STEVE on the ride in kept complaining about getting to the bar because �HE NEEDED BEER TO KILL HIS HEADACHE� See you next week for the 420 hash!!