Author: Snatch Squatch

Hash Trash: 11/11/07
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Mad River

VIRGINS: Just Marybeth, Just Jessica
VISITORS: Sugar
HASHERS: Just Steve, Just Jonathan, Its Too Soft, Horn-e, Are They Real, Stab�em and Slab�em, Stupid Man, Just Molly, Cunt and Pasties, Lifa, Rotten Whore, Virgin banger, Renta Virgin, Just Rob, Mouthful of Meat, Just Patrick, Super Stuffer, Peterbilt, Mount Van Tramp, Bloody Thighs, Odor Eater
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 25

Well this hash was a live trail and was set after the Mismanagement meeting ended. The Hare was Chicken and we welcomed JUST MARYBETH and JUST JESSICA to the hash for their very first run. Since I hared I do not know much about what happened on trail but I heard JUST MOLLY say I can�t believe CHICKEN found every single alley and alleyway in the Lakeview neighborhood. The Hare was technically caught because he stopped to break up a 3×6 foot piece of drywall and also had to buy beer. ITS TOO SOFT, JUST MOLLY and CUNT and PASTIES made the catch around Sheffield and Diversey very near the home of ITS TOO SOFT. We had some good beer to drink on the roof deck and that made LIFA a very happy hasher. SUGAR our visitor enjoyed the view and the hash put the roof deck to bed until next summer. We made it back to the bar where MOUTFUL OF MEAT was enjoying free shots of some Italian liquor? The Hash also enjoyed half price Philly cheese steaks!!! The circle was started by LIFA
and the hare was punished. The circle was turned over to HORN-E because it was Veterans Day and he dusted the cobwebs off his RA suit and led the circle. STUPID MAN got to drink for his NAVY affiliation. ITS TOO SOFT was busy watching the Football game so he was nailed with technology in the circle. We said hi to our visitor SUGAR and welcomed our virgins STAB�EM and SLAB�EM and BLOODY THIGHS?????? What? VIRGIN BANGER and RENTA VIRGIN made an appearance and are eagerly awaiting the next Memorial Day Hash!!! JUST MOLLY and JUST PATRICK were seen leaving together??? ROTTEN WHORE had too much to drink so she called the ODOR to pick her up!!! JUST JONATHAN looked scrumptious in his tiara and JUST STEVE is ready for his ADD hash in two weeks. Overall we had a fun day!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 11/4/07 ASS FAMILY HASH
Hares: Lifa and Bloody Thighs
Venue: McKellians

VIRGINS: Just Dan, Just Justin, Just Tim
VISITORS: Gnome Nuts- Hagerstown Hash
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Steve, Just Jonathan, At Your Cervix, One handed Typist, Its Too Soft, W�all Bangher, Horn-e, Erect da Red, Sir Poops A lot, Special Head, Are They Real, Stab�em and Slab�em, Just Jenn, Moldy Man Sac, Mount Me Puh�lzee, AssMan, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Coffee, Tea, or Me, Just Hannah
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 27

This hash was run out of the northern most Bar in Chicago, McKellians. Our hares were LIFA and BLOODY THIGHS, and they set two trails one for the turkeys and one for the eagles. They lead us in a quick circle and we were soon off on trail. Just Dan and Just Justin were out leading the pack even though they were virgins but that happens from time to time. About � mile into the trail we hit the turkey-eagle split and hashers like ARE THEY REAL, JUST STEVE, and JUST JONATHAN took the turkey split. ITS TOO SOFT and CHICKEN joined them as well because we were beat from celebrating the 30th anniversary in Madison. JUST JUSTIN and JUST MOLLY joined us for a great weekend in Wisconsin. The others like VIRTUALLY HUNG, MUDSUCKER and SIR POOPS A LOT took the eagle trail which ran by BLOODY THIGHS school and Trash mountain. The trail for the turkeys was lead by STAB�EM and SLAB�EM for most of the day and she had some help from JUST JENN as well. The trail for the turkeys led
to a park off of Western Ave. and ended on the sledding hill there. The pack was a little disappointed that they couldn�t find beer for ten-minutes but things worked out in the end when the Hares showed up with beer in ten-minutes. ARE THEY REAL had to be driven back to the on in so she could see the actually goats that were on trail. I followed ASSMAN back to the ON IN and we were informed by the bar owner that he had tons of meat for us to cook, now if we just had SUPER STUFFER to cook for us!! I lead the circle and tried to keep it short because there was food to be had. The FRB�s were MOLDY and STAB�EM and SLAB�EM. The DFL was ARE THEY REAL for she also auto hashed. JUST TIM was brought into the circle by MOUNT ME because this is the officer that wrote up the original ANTHRAX report that was touched off by ITS TOO SOFTS trail so we sang them Hash Tones. Remember the ANTHRAX hash is in a couple of weeks. We also eemed to have lost W�ALL BANGHER after the trail somewhere. JUST JENN, MOLDY, MOUNT ME and SPECAIL HEAD drank for being the REBOOTS. The circle was soon closed and we sang swing low. The hash made a dash for the grill outside where ARE THEY REAL was busy dropping hamburgers through the grill making blackened burgers. We really enjoyed seeing COFFEE with her little HANNAH at the hash. JUST JONATHAN and JUST STEVE are kicking around the idea of laying an ADD hash where we all take Adderal? Our visiting hasher GNOME NUTS stuck around for a while and had his dinner and now we have a contact in the Virginia area. SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK at he MISMANAGEMEN MEETING which starts at NOON!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CHICAGO HALLOWEEN HASH
HARES: BLOODY THIGHS and FULL TERM
VIRGIN: JUST ROB
VISITOR: TOTALLY GAY, FULL TERM
HASHERS: My Ass Is Up for Grabs, Are They Real, Horn-e, One Handed
Typist, Sex Luthor, Just Alan, Just Jonathon, Just Steve, Just Peter,
Just James, Milk My Yak, Foot In Mouth, Johnny Cock Ring, Stabem and
Slabem, Just Rob, Just Katerine, Just Molly, Rotten Whore, Just
Ernest, Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein,
Princess Labia, Happy Ass Grabber, Flying Hooters, Lochness Cockster,
Its Too Soft, Two Tickets too Pair a Thighs, Lifa, Virgin Banger,
Rena virgin I’m Late Again, Lower Whackoff, Peterbilt, Assman, Just
John

TOTAL HASHERS= 40

The Hash was started from the usually place on the North side, The
Pumping Company or the old sizzle. BLOODY THIGHS and FULL TERM laid
a great trail through the Loyola campus and Rogers Park area. JOHNNY
COCK RING and FOOT IN MOUTH made a special appearance today because
we have not seen them for over six months in the CH3. We also
welcomed TOTALLY GAY to the hash today, and oh my gosh there were two
Horn-es really scary!!! BLOODY THIGHS did a quick chalk talk and
LIFA showed up with is bed pan full of brown candy?? After the talk
was given the pack was off but was quickly sucked into a circle
jerk. JUST ROB and I found the circle and went off north after a
split we guessed wrong so we short cut east and caught HAPPY ASS
GRABBER and JUST MOLLY off the next split. The trail continued to
the east until it hit the lake near Loyola and then went thru the
campus. JUST STEVE and JUST JONATHON were following along behind
with JUST ALAN in tow.
The pack became stymied by a check that went through the Science
building on campus but they soon found the right path when they
followed CALVIN KLIEN and FLYING HOOTERS to the check on Sheridan.
Here the trail went west with the flag bearing JUST ROB leading the
pack. Virgin JUST ROB found the trail behind a church and called the
pack to follow and soon we were at the home of STUMP HUMPER and
PRINCESS LABIA enjoying some gold and cold liquid. We found out we
had two Jesus costumes on trail with CALVIN and VIRGIN BANGER. TWO
TICKETS was cutely dressed as a PUSSSSYYYYYY cat!! ONE HANDED
TYPIST was the second blues brother Jake. The pack soon finished
their beers and got out of there. WE made our way back to the bar
and the owner of the bar gave us $4 pitchers of beer!! CALVIN ran
the circle in that tight space. We welcomed JUST ROB our virgin to
the hash. CHICKEN STIFFER was the FRB. DFL was RENTA VIRGIN??? ITS
TOO SOFT was making high interest loans in the circle and was
punished. FBI was JUST KATHERINE. The circle was soon closed but
JUST ALAN and JUST ERNEST were sent away for a naming. When they
returned JUST ALAN was named SUPER STUFFER for stuffing his superman
costume and JUST ERNEST was welcomed into the MOUNT family by being
named MOUNT VON TRAMP by the numerous ladies of the hash.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM

Hash Trash: 10/21/07 ASS FAMILY HASH
Hares: Assman, Ez on the Ass
Venue: American Legion Post 42

VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Tracie
VISITORS: Just Tracie
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Molly, Just Katherine, Just Alan, Just Steve, Just Jonathan, At Your Cervix, One handed Typist, Open Wide, Its Too Soft, Just Susanna, W all Bangher, Just Ester, Mouthful of Meat, My Ass is Up for Grabs, Rotten Whore, Lifa, Schwiiinga, Horn-e, Erect da Red, Moan On Trail
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 24

The hash left the friendly confines of Chicago and traveled north to Evanston where Post 42 sponsored the hash off the Central Purple line stop. The hash started at 1 pm on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The Hares were still laying trail when we started due to a long drinking night on Saturday that EZ partook in. We had a nice crowd for being outside the city and even ROTTEN WHORE found the time to make it up for the hash. The Pack had a quick chalk talk and then we were off looking for marks East of the el-tracks. LIFA and JUST TRACIE were out in front with JUST ROB. The Trail meandered through the sleepy lakeside of Evanston. The first real problems occurred when the pack got to the lake front park and could not find the marks after a check. LIFA, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, AT YOUR CERVIX, and others went ranging for marks but came up empty. CHICKEN STIFFER eventually found marks going north on Sheridan Road and he thought he was behind the pack until he got to B’hai Temple
and realized that he was the FRB. The trail from here wandered through the grounds of the gorgeous temple. The trail went west and south until CHICKEN came to a split that seemed to have no marks after it until you went across the street to look for them. By this time JUST MOLLY, JUST TRACIE, and JUST ROB had caught up to the front of the pack. We trail blazed for the rest of the pack and soon were near the familiar bridge that was used the previous year for a beer stop. This year though it was haunted by an ugly troll that scared the Crap out of our new virgin JUST TRACIE. The pack enjoyed the beer but not the smelly river that it crossed.
Eventually the whole pack made it to the beer stop and ROTTEN WHORE took a nice seat down by the river with her gold and cold beer. JUST STEVE, JUST JONATHAN, JUST ALAN, and MOUTHFUL of MEAT had to be directed into the hidden beer stop by our very own LIFA. ITS TOO SOFT seemed to be snapping pictures as he usually does for the hash. It was just a perfect day to run, much like it was the whole weekend. The beer stop ended and we walked pack the mile to the ON-IN where we had to send EZ and AT YOUR CERVIX out to get us some cheap beer. AT YOUR CERVIX was denied beer at Jewel because she looked too young??? When they returned the circle was started and our hares were punished for general lateness. Late starting the trail, late with the beer, just late!! OPEN WIDE, ERECT THE RED, and LIFA were our reboots for the day. We welcomed our new virgins JUST TRACIE and JUST ROB. W ALL BANGHER and ONE HANDED TYPIST were the DFL s??? The circle was soon ended in favor of the
pack watching the Bears, who won, and eating chilidogs. In the end the hares made up for the mistakes with great weather and good food!!!! See you next week at the COSTUME HASH!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1413 PoP 7 @ Chi-Town Tap
Hash Trash: 10/13/07 POP HASH The 7th YEAR ITCH
Hares: Likes it on the Bottom, PACKhER Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, Salty Gash, Just Lauren, and Rotten Whore
Venue: Chi-town Tap

VIRGINS: Just Ernst, Just Kristen, Just Savitia, Just Jonathon
VISITORS: Hand Solo, #2, Toilet Eclipse, Just Mary, Ricky’s Crab Shack, Exorcist, Hot Lips, Suck Me Dry, OPP, Gagging Me Softly, 2 f*** Cannuck
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Virtually Hung, W’all Bangher, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Just Katherine, Just Kristen, Just Steve, 69-Cent Man, Anal Assault, Bank of Spermamerica, Boner Malfunction, Batteries Not Included, Just Corrine, Grizzly ?, I’m Late Again, It’s too Soft, Just Allen, Just Julia, Magnetic Muff, Just Lisa, Just Mary, Just Molly, Just Peter, Sperm Diversion, Just Saud, One Handed Typist, Mouthful Of Meat, Mud Sucker, Odor Eater, Too Much Head, Just Patrick, Moan on Trail, Just Ed, CP, Just Jamica, Just Rick, Man O Whore, Just Tom,
VIRGINS= 4
VISTORS=9
TOTAL HASHERS= 60+

Last weekend five ladies (PACKhER ASS, LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM, MOUNT SCHWIIINGA, JUST LAUREN, and SALTY GASH plus one rotten WHORE put on the yearly POP (POWER of the PUSSY) hash. The turn out was high with over 60 hashers showing up for the event and the laughs and fun will last forever. Nice job ladies!!! The Planning for the event began in the beginning of JULY when the ladies asked me if they could run POP. A date was picked for the hash in mid-JULY when the Chicago October hash calendar was empty of hashes for the Oct. 12-14 weekend. The T-shirt design was done by our own MOUNT SCHWIIINGA with the trail being devised by LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM. The other 3 pussies, PACKhER ASS, SALTY GASH, and JUST LAUREN, provided logistical support.

The weekend kicked off with a pre-lube party where the CH3 raised around $200 for Breast Cancer Research, this brings the CH3 donations to charity well over $1000 for the whole year. The Flagship event began at 2 p.m. Oct. 13 with the weather being most cooperative. The hash ran under cloudy skies with a temperature of 65 degrees or perfect running weather. I wish we could have had this weather for the Chicago Marathon!!! The ladies greeted us at the door adorned in their Marilyn Monroe outfits so blondes were everywhere. The hash greeted our visitors in from BIG-HUMP, 2 F*** CANNUCK, SEXORCIST, and RICKYS CRAB SHACK.

We also had Waukesha hashers in the form of #2, TOILET ECLIPSE, JUST MARY, and HAND SOLO. Later in the evening the INDY SCENT hashers showed up in the form of OPP, SUCK ME DRY, and GAGGING ME SOFTLY. The hash lubricated itself with beer and around 2:45 pm the hash did chalk talk. VIRTUALLY HUNG was stuck carrying the flag today and JUST ALLEN and I were stuck wearing schoolgirl skirts and football jersey’s due to a lost bet a couple weeks ago.
The hash took off Northeast and found its first problem around the Illinois Masonic Hospital. The trail went up through the parking lot and back down. Numerous hashers like JUST PATRICK, JUST MOLLY, JUST ALLEN, and others decided to short cut the trail because what goes up must come down, the problem was where would the trail come down? Eventually the trail did run up to Halsted and then North to the Belmont El line stop.

This was the shot stop on the trail and TOO MUCH HEAD seemed to love giving blow job?!?
SHOTS to the hashers cumming in for the quick rest. ROTTEN WHORE looked she had just blown a whole battleship full of sailors with all of the leftover whip cream around her mouth!! SEXORCIST had the inverted whip cream treat as well. After the brief rest and shots the pack was back on trail angling northwest. JUST ALLEN, SPERM DIVERSION, VIRTULLY HUNG and I seemed to be leading the pack at this point and about two miles down trail we ran into the backyard of MOUNT SCHWIINGA. I took a seat but soon had to get up because JUST CORINNE, TOO MUCH HEAD, HOT LIPS, and others kept trying to see up my skirt!!!

The pack was treated to some fine beer, but the piece de resistance was the penis piñata. CP had first crack at the big dick but missed it completely. Next up was MOUTHFUL OF MEAT who seemed to need batting practice as well. MUDSUCKER took a whack at it and started the eventual down fall of the massive prick. Finally and mercifully ODOR eater like Chris Farley in the great white ninja blindfolded himself and put a huge wallop into that phallic that it spit out its finally death blows. Out of said phallic came Chocolate, sweet tarts and other prizes which will be given out this Sunday to the no shows.

The pack hit the pavement and was running along until 69-CENT MAN found a bus playpen in the garbage. He put the costume on but soon tired of it and gave it to JUST SAUD and I. We ran with it on until we got to the finally beer stop at Wrightwood Park. Along the way we must have given out 50-60 hash cards to interested onlookers and when we got to the park the Kick ball game stopped to give us a funny salute. ROTTEN WHORE womaned this stop and was very self-conscious of her appearance because numerous innocent bystanders were giving her strange looks. The bus finally arrived and the Ladies had games ready for us. I was on a team of JUST SAUD, TOO MUCH HEAD, JUST SAVITIA, and JUST KRISTEN. We played izzy dizzy and many hashers were soon on the ground from a lost sense of balance and direction. I believe the winning team had 69-CENT MAN, JUST PETER, #2, JUST MOLLY, and JUST KATHERINE on their team.

The pack played in the park for about ½ and then staggered back into the ON-IN at the Chi-town tap around 5:45 pm, but not before SALTY and PACKhER jumped into a pair of granny panties together.

Back at the On-In we had a short delay until the circle was started by PACKhER ASS and MOUNT SCHWIIINGA. They did a masterful job in running the circle and received the cooperation of the circle in general and if they didn’t ROTTEN WHORE spoke up for them with RESPECT!!! The hares were publicly pissed upon and our visitors were acknowledged and thanked for making the trip. Our virgins, Just Ernst, Just Kristen, Just Savitia, and Just Jonathon were in shock of what they had done today and what they had seen. The FRB’s were SPERM DIVERSION and JUST JULIA. SPERM DIVERSION on a side note could barely stand at the end of the night. The POP celebrated the past POP members in MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, ROTTEN WHORE and MAGNETIC MUFF. They even punished the NRB’s JUST TOM, MOAN, OPP, GAGGING ME SOFTLY and SUCK ME DRY. The BUS drivers and passengers made a second appearance and drank for garbage picking. RENTA VIRGIN and VIRGIN BANGER were called on for something but I can’t remember by this time I was getting drunk. JUST ALLEN got the sleeve today and somehow managed to drink from it with out spilling?? Food was served and the circle went through the motions of hash religion and ate.

Afterwards the hash decided to play a few games of Flippy cup with MOAN ON TRAIL leading the game. Participants included BATTERIES, JUST ALLEN, JUST MOLLY, ODOR EATER, ROTTEN WHORE, SPERM DIVERSION, JUST SAUD and others. The games lasted long and kicked SPERM DIVERSIONS butt because he threw up the game pieces after it was long over. From here I am at a loss for words but I do remember that the POP committee got some free shots by flashing the bar tender!!!! Overall the ladies did a nice job and the hash waits in anticipation for the 8th ANNUAL POP. We also like to thank the ladies for making us a new hashshit award, which is now a 2 foot pink penis. Towards the end of the night we did name JUST LAUREN. The suggestions were JANE DOE, MY ASS IS UP FOR GRABS, TURN AND COUGH, and ON MY KNEES AGAIN. After great deliberation amongst the hashers JUST LAUREN is now “MY ASS IS UP FOR GRABS!!!” Congrats!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM