Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 14 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

We had 10K Tika Ho and Genesis as our hares out of Ravenswood Pub and damn if the trail didn’t look a lot like Lifa’s trail at TH3 from the previous week. We had 14 hounds on this trail as the pack took off to the south for a quick loop through the alley and then to the north. Trail wound through a few streets until we got caught on a Check that seemed to take a while to find. Trail was finally found to the north and east and Lifa led Horn-E and a few hashers through an alley and after the leaders. We went east to Clark and then north. Here is where Horn-E almost lost it all. Some hashers had crossed Clark and he followed and they headed north. Trouble is, the trail didn’t. Just before Ashland and Clark met, trail headed west and south on Ashland. Horn-E looked west and saw no one. He looked south and apparently just missed seeing hashers looping around and across Clark. So he followed and soon found himself out of sight of the pack. Read that DFL. He ran on and on and thanks to some Splits and Checks being marked, he finally saw the pack at Ridge and near Hollywood at a Check. The back of the pack was just crossing Ridge and he got caught by traffic. But a Split and Horn-E was soon right behind the pack. Our next Check was at Ridge/Broadway,Bryn Mawr. Hashers were already standing around. He crossed Bryn Mawr and headed east just as Lifa appeared at an alley and blew his whistle. Blowing his horn, Horn-E was in hot pursuit. From DFL to running second in a few blocks. The beauty of hashing. About two blocks later was a Split. Lifa had gone south so Horn-E went west and was soon on and he blew his horn for those at the Check, Just John and Just Mary. And so it was as Horn-E kept finding Splits and guessing right and they stayed right behind him. We finally headed back to Clark, south and then across Ashland and more winding through streets. Over a mile in the lead when Horn-E finally missed a turn into an alley. Just Mary spotted it and took the lead with Just John down an alley and Horn-E right behind. Now it was their turn to miss a mark, a Split. At the next street we realized we weren’t On. Lifa was now gaining on us and Horn-E yelled for him to look for a mark. He spotted a Split at an alley and because we weren’t On, he had to be. We then followed Lifa for a few blocks until he went into an underpass under the Metra tracks. Now, just 10 days ago, Lifa hared here and had a Beer Stop right over this underpass in a parking lot. Here is where he went wrong. The lead hound should never assume where the trail will go. Here is where the hares can really screw the pack. He found marks, but we weren’t sure what he found. We went north a bit when Lifa started to second guess his shortcut. As we stood around, Just Mary was sent a block north to look for marks. Meanwhile the rest of the pack started to arrive and they were heading straight out of the tunnel and on to the correct trail. So, Lifa, Just John and Horn-E followed. Meanwhile, Just Mary returned and found a Split. She followed it and was soon leading and heading north to a loop around a building and to a back entrance along some tracks and the beer stop where the hares and Goldilocks were waiting with beer. Back on true trail we came to a Check. Lifa went back towards where we already were. Horn-E went north and actually found true trail that led to the parking lot again and eventually back to where Just Mary already went. Lifa was soon behind him and we led some hashers on to the beer stop.
After the beer stop we found free bar food available and all was good. Beer was flowing. But we were soon dragged outside in the cold for a circle so we wouldn’t bother all of the bar patrons. Some hashers left but we had a short circle and some fun. Then we came back in and got into the beer that was still flowing thanks to the short circle. After a bit we were asked to take part in rock paper scissors. Corn Star won and got a big jug of cheese balls. Just Mary took second and got $25 bar cash. Horn-E took third and won a bottle of hooch. Others on trail included Its Too Soft, Bloody thighs, Hoosier Daddy, Beer Stop Valdez, Mudsucker, Stab ’em & Slab ’em, The KGB, Mount Schwiiinga and Chicken Stiffer.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 7 Nov. 2010 by Horn-E

I walked into Kelly’s and the room had a lot of people standing around in running clothes, but who were they. New faces everywhere. Was our hare, Super Stuffer stuffing them in from joggers going by? Was the other hare Wizard Sleeves…., oh never mind. Yes, a virgin hare with wizard sleeves.
It looks like 15 regular hounds, one visitor, and eight virgins. Nice crowd, now if we only don’t lose all of the virgins on trail.
We didn’t lose the virgins thanks to a trail that kept most of the pack together. We started out down the alley to the south and then headed west as the pack strung out. As the pack headed down an alley, Lifa headed down the previous street, ranging again, and it worked and he got to a Check and apparently picked right in heading straight. But the pack was scattered looking for marks and we all took off to the south and into some angled streets and alleys. I got to the end of the block where the angled streets started and there was Lifa coming out of another street, blowing his weasle. I followed along with Muffin The Mule and we headed southeast again. This led to another alley and finally out to Sheffield. The trail was on the west side of the street and Chicken Stiffer was already on the east side of the street. At Clybourn there was a Check and trail apparently did go east and south down a long alley. Horn-E was falling way behind and caught the light. By the time he got to the alley, the leaders were already at the end of this long alley and the only hashers close were Just Mo and 10K Tika Ho. So he followed and 10K Tika Ho cut off into a parking lot. Horn-E followed and she was gone when he emerged. and there were no marks. Looking back towards the Check he noticed the hare, Super Stuffer and two others heading west from the Check. Returning to the Check, it was marked to the west, past Goose Island and over to the industrial area and then south on the tracks. At the end of the tracks there was a Check. Goldilocks was already returning from the west so Horn-E led some across the street and headed across the street to the other Goose Island. The one that is actually an island and not a brewery. As he approached the far end, the On call was called to the east. But this just went back north and here was the hare hiding behind a building with Hoosier Daddy and Poultry Fucker who was just walking. I didn’t see her again so maybe she couldn’t resist the mall and went shopping. As we headed north, we apparently just looped back over the out trail and got there just in time to rescue the DFL, Its Too Soft and saved him from doing the loop. Trail went on to the north and eventually into an area by heaps of crushed cars and scrap metal. Hear we heard a loud speaker telling us it was private property and to please leave. Well, at the far end of the private property there was a Check that took a bit to find because we stumbled onto a False trail coming off of the Check. Back to the Check, runners scattered and it was finally found to the west and then south just before the bridge. This led to a quick Check that apparently didn’t fool anyone. At least it was found by the time I got there with Goldilocks. About two blocks later was another Check and it was a long song check. Uploader led us in ‘Monday is a Wanking Day.’ Well done.
From here the trail was called to the north and we went to Webster and then to the east. Back to the bar? No. We headed north to a Check. By the time I got there, everyone was returning from all directions west and north and so we headed to the east. As we approached the next corner I saw Chicken Stiffer heading north, but I didn’t see any marks going that way. Huh. Trail apparently went east and we were soon on and then to the north and another Check. From here trail headed east on Fullerton and we passed a BN. Great. Another block and there was a Split. Some headed east and some headed north. North was on and two blocks later we were at the beer stop in an alley. Suddenly Chicken Stiffer came around the corner from the east, followed by Lifa. Hmmm. Did they assume the beer stop was at Its Too Soft’s place. Not. Finally we were all there. And then Rhotan and Calvin Klein showed up. To lazy to run with us, but they walked over for the free beer on the hares.
Speaking of non running wussies, you can add in Slippery Box, Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Fall On My
Wood, and our GM (?) Fistful Of Pricks.
Back at Kelly’s we headed into the beer tent where Calvin Klein attempted to run a decent circle. Rhotan intended to disrupt the circle at every opportunity. They both succeeded, or failed. When I got home I found an email from Rhotan that said he was going to try to hijack either our trail or circle. But Calvin Klein somehow managed to carry on and our hares got every other down down. He got Wizard Sleeves so drunk that she led us in a new Tit song after circle. Well done. And we did manage to sing several other long songs. But I am ahead of myself. We were also introduced to our visitor, Type A Hole. Then the virgins and newly moved to Chicago which included, Just Ben, Just Ryan, Just Katie, the munchkins Just Lisa and Just Beth, Just David, and two from the United Kingdom, Just Greg and Just Victoria. Welcome one and all and join us back in Chicago and many of our other local hashes.
Others who ran included Ginger Snatch, The Dark Kunt, Just Kevin, Soggy Deposits and Hump Me Dump Me. After circle and the late singing, we headed back into the bar and slowly left. A good time for such a shitty trail.

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 31 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E
Another hash with a decent turnout. Do you think the idea of a costume run has anything to do with it. Hey, we hash every week. This one was hared by Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included. By Calvin Klein’s GPS, it was three miles. Of course, that including walking around and setting all of the Falses. Lets say, about 2.25. But I only went off on one Check. We did head south a block and our unicorn, Just Anna led us to a Check at the first street east of the El tracks . From here we headed over to Sheridan Rd. for another Check. Again the trail went straight, but this was just a short loop over to the path along the lake and right back to Sheridan Rd and back across it. We then headed north in an alley and over to Loyola campus for another Check. The pack guessed right and into the campus we went where we found another Check. But this was right out of the campus and across Sheridan Rd. We did go north another block to Albion and then straight to another Check at Glenwood. From here it was almost straight south and then east to the On In. And here we had the most exciting thing happen on trail. In honor of the on going World Series, Horn-E tried to slide into home, head first. On the sidewalk. That’s his story and he is sticking to it. But according to 10 K Tika Ho, following along here, she saw Willie Nelson jogging along the sidewalk and trip on some crack. He needs to stick to grass. But he did do a flat out belly flop on the sidewalk. And that damn black and blue big toe tells more about the story then the conflicting stories. Meanwhile R-Tard-E came in DFL. There were some good costumes and possibly the best was EZ On The Ass who didn’t even run. But dressed as something dead. He even had Horn-E avoiding him.
Calvin Klein ran the circle and we all had fun. We were introduced to Just Mike and Jingle Balls, a transplant from Philadelphia. Congratulations for being stretched out on a torture rack to Way To Much Jism. The torture rack was four 12.5 mile loops on the south lakefront for a total of fifty miles on Sat. in under ten hours. That is like 2 marathons in five hours each. WWWEEELLLLLL DDDOOONNNEEE.
And no, she didn’t run the hash. She had trouble even walking and standing in circle. Other hashers who just showed up and didn’t run included Just Abby, Just Rob, Ten Dix With Wings and Just Mo who was dressed as a Christmas tree. I still want to see those wrapped presents under the tree.
Other hashers on trail included Ginger Snatch who was dressed as a strawberry. Hmmmm, strawberrys and cream. Super Stuffer, Mouthful Of Meat, Just Mary, Bloody Thighs, Up Loader, Its Too Soft and Just Adam. We also have to call out Salty Gash for riding her pony in the circle, The KGB for dressing as a Doctor and again winning worst costume just beating out Horn-E, and Lifa as a mangy horny hound humping women’s legs everywhere.
Then finally we reconvened the circle at the urging of Horn-E and EZ On The Ass for a naming of Just Anna. They had a perfect name for her and after EZ On The Ass told the story, it was unanimous and her name will forever be known as Wizard Sleeves. She’ll have to show you why.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E

This trail was a live hare by Glory Hole out of O’lannagans. Another small pack of only 11 hounds that included one visitor and one virgin. So, only nine regulars. We took off in a small loop and back through the park and off to the north. At this point Crop Duster and Horn-E were playing catchup and we did under the El tracks. Trail went north to Lawrence and Western for a Check and Cumma Slutra found trail to the west and down an alley. The pack followed and even our virgin, Just Steve, was keeping up. Every once in a while I would hear this chattering coming up behind me. It was Hump Me Dump Me and Sandy Syphilis yakking like two old ladies at a quilting bee. They kept this up all through the hash and beer stop and circle. We headed north and down an alley heading east. As I got there, hashers were coming back down the alley. Must have been a Back Check. I’m glad to see so many hares are finally starting to use the Back Check lately as it is a great equalizer on trail and really can regroup the pack and gives new hounds a chance to lead. As we looked, Just Mary spotted a Check to the north. Great. We’re back of trail no matter how we got there. Horn-E went west and found nothing. Suddenly trail was found to the north and he paralleled for a block, just in time to see Lifa coming towards him. Got lucky there. So he led to the west and then north as Lifa caught and passed him. At Foster there was a Triple Split. Lifa went north and I didn’t see him again until just before the beer stop. Off trail again. Horn-E went west and was On. He headed towards the river and parkland ahead and Crop Duster passed him to lead into the park. This led to a nasty hare trick of a little loop and Crop Duster caught it. He would have led us out of there but he was soon chasing some young mom with her baby in the park. She already had one. She doesn’t need any more crops dusted. Meanwhile Horn-E wandered into the park and got us back on trail, temporarily. After a Split, he was practically on the mark heading north when he headed south to Argyle and the bridge over the river. At this point, our visitor, the infamous DR. Gonads, heard an On call to the north. Well, Horn-E paralleled to the west, assuming they would go west on Foster. Right. And there was a Triple Split coming out of the park/ball field area. Checked south. Nothing. Checked back east, over the bridge on the south side of it. Nothing. Checked west. Nothing. Damn hare. Finally headed south down an alley and was on. The pack still wasn’t in sight. Followed this trail south a block and back into the park and out at Lawrence. Trail went over the bridge to the east and then over the fence and a leap down of about four feet. Of course, you could just walk a little east and the wall went down to a foot drop. But I heard our tough Ex-Marine, Cumma Slutra, climbed over the fence and whined about the four foot drop. Or was it only three feet. But meanwhile, Horn-E ran ahead and spotted Lifa coming from the other direction and he spotted a Check. The ever alert Lifa had actually ran right past the hare sitting on a bench waiting for the beer stop. Yep. it happened just like that.
Now we had a problem. The beer was in the hares car, parked right across from a waiting squad car. Oooops. While we discussed options, the cop suddenly had to leave his hiding place and we quickly ran for the beer and took it into the trees where there were some logs to sit on and we waited for the rest of the pack. All was good. And they stumbled on it, Corn Star, SnatchSquatch, Just Mary and the rest of them.
It was here we heard the story of our visitors celebrity. Dr. Gonads was the infamous hasher arrested and almost prosecuted for laying Anthrax, or terrorists substances in an Ikea parking lot several years ago. This was a big story and hashers donated several thousand dollars to his defense fund.
From here it was a long walk back to the bar where we were met by the usual and unusual groupies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Its Too Soft, and ‘musical note here, Ten Dix With Wings. Then Calvin Klein held a circle. Two good highlights, Our visitor sang several songs including one made up for his adventures with the State’s Attorney from the dark side. And when Batteries Not Included heard who he was, I thought she would either have a kitten or an orgasm, yelling ‘its you, its you, its really you’. Our visitor was introduced, Just Steve and he got several down downs. He is a journalism student at Northwestern and wants to write a story about the hash for school. Here we go again. Infamy or notoriety. Use hash names only, to protect the innocent and guilty.

On On
Horn-E