CH3 #1521

Chicago #1521 Sunday 12/9, 2pm @ TBA: Pre-Anthrax Hash
Hare(s): Batteries Not Included & Calvin Klein
Venue: Burton Place – 1447 N Wells St, Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 664-4699
Hash cash: Take-out-a-second-mortgage-on-the-cat price of $6.

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Last Chicago Hash B4 6th Anthrax with veteran hares. This should be interesting & fun as I can’t recall the last time we hashed in the heart of Old Town!

We will have a private room upstairs $7 pitchers of lite and 35 cent wings and other food specials.

Environmentally-friendly public transportation:
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview – Red Line to Division, hoof it a couple blocks West on Division to Wells and then North on Wells or the Brown Line to Sedgwick and hoof it East on North Ave from Sedgwick to Wells and then South on Wells.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown – Blue Line to Division, take the Division 70 Bus East to Wells, hoof it a couplea blocks North to the bar.

Driving:
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to basically North Ave and Wells. Parking in Old Town sucks worse than warm Icehouse. Best bet is to look South of North Ave and West of Wells as Lincoln Park and the Gold Coast are NOT the places to look for parking on the Near North Side.

It gets alot better the farther West you go (parking-wise, not socioeconomically speaking), especially as you get closer to what remains of the Cabrini Green Public Housing Projects (which I’m sure will be the ‘urban shiggy’ part of the trail), for obvious reasons.

CH3 #1520

Chicago #1520 @ Janina’s : 6th Annual Idiot’s Day Joint Hash w/Second City
Submit Hare(s): Specklebird (Idiot’s Day Hare for Life)
Venue: Janina’s Gin Mill & Saloon – 3459 N Milwaukee Ave (Milwaukee & Keeler)
Hash Cash: $5 (One-day holiday doorbuster special – same price as Second City!!)

This very aptly-named hash lived up to its billing on so many levels. One example was our GM Chicken Stiffer wheeling Just Molly down the street in an abandoned shopping cart at a very high rate of speed. What part of this does not just simply scream out BAD IDEA. Fortunately for the hash (for liablility reasons) these two Idiot’s Day celebrants lived to see another day (perhaps less fortunate for the gene pool tho as natural selection may have been temporarily thwarted). More pix from this hash on the nav bar or pictures section or on Koday EasyShare Gallery.

Hash trash to be posted soon.

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For those of us who can still move after the Pre-Pre Anthr@x 12 Bars of Christmas the previous night, please join us for a special joint celebration of this Second City Classic – “Idiot’s Day” as Second City deigns to appear within Chicago City Limits! Rumours abound that we may also see the first new Idiots’ Day t-shirts in years available for purchase at additional cost. Janina’s is one of our favorite hash bars in scenic Avondale.

We did a joint hash w/Second City last year @ Windsor Tavern on 12/3/06 and had such a blast we’re doing it again. Second City’s schedule conflicts with Chicago seven months out of the year and we still all get along and even have joint hashes with them like this. That’s cooperation. Other area hashes who we won’t name, you conflict with just one of their “dates” and they will post enough flames on their message boards to heat half of Stalingrad in January.

From Soar Balls of Second City:

“This Sunday, come out to Janina’s on Milwaukee and get your hangover hash for Pearl Harbor out of the way before you go to Milwaukee.

Yes, it’s time once again (by my calculations, the Xth time) for Idiot’s Day. To ensure a true Idiot’s Day, we thought we should have the traditional post-Pearl Harbor Hash a week before Pearl Harbor. What do you think we are, a bunch of Einsteins who know the difference between pre- and post-? NO! We’re Zwei-, Drei-, Funf-, und Zwolf-steins who don’t plan to stop at one German bier.

Once you’ve got your brain suitably set to Idiot (just keep chanting “Brain, brain, go away, come again some other day&quot, come out to Janina’s (3457 N Milwaukee) at 2:00 PM this Sunday (Dec. 2), and Specklebird will take you on the stupidest tour of the northwest side you ever did see. Special bonus points if you can’t figure out where the beer stop is going to be.

To get to Janina’s, blindly grope your way to Belmont (3200 N) and Milwaukee (~3900 W), go about 3 blocks northwest on Milwaukee until you get to Keeler. Then you’ve gone too far, so look behind you a couple doors on the southwest side of the street, and you’ve found Janina’s. You’ll know it’s Janina’s by the sign out front that says “Janina’s”.

Alternatively, take ye olde Blue Line to Addison and go west on Addison to Keeler. Go south on Keeler to Milwaukee and wander about aimlessly asking strangers where you might find Janina’s.”

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line 2 Addison, Addison #152 bus West to Keeler, hoof it three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line 2 Addison, schlep four blocks West to Keeler and three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee or take the Milwaukee #56 bus Northwest to Keeler.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise 2 the corner of Addison & Keeler, Addison freeway exit from the Kennedy and west to Keeler, South to Milwaukee. Helen Keller could find a parking space in this neighborhood.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1519

Hash Trash: 11/25/07
Run: 1519
Hares: Super Stuffer & Just Steve
Venue: O’Lanagan’s – 2335 W. Montrose Ave

Virgins: 3 (or was it 4? – hey, am I a great scribe or what!)

Visitors: 1 (2, if you think CP is a visitor)

Hashers: A bunch of ‘em including Canned Pussy, Magnetic Muff, Special Ed Giver, Sir Poops a Lot, Lifa, Virtually Hung, Pack ‘er Ass, Just Saud, Happy Ass Grabber, General Ass Pounder, Just Tyrone, Just Melissa, Wall Bang Her, Just Tom, Just John, Just Jennie, Just Steve, Super Stuff `er and probably a few others that aren’t written on this torn paper plate I’m reading from.

—

A double-virgin haring? We all cringed at the start, knowing that the result would be at least one of:

1. The on-out being too close to the on-in, causing the pack to skip 90% of the trail.

2. The hares using “cute” trail markings that no one can understand and thus causing the pack to skip 89% of the trail.

3. The marks being so small/infrequent/ hidden/hard- to-see that the pack will give up and miss 88% of the trail.

4. The hares deciding on the theme of “we’re going to make this the longest hash run ever” causing everyone but Happy Ass Grabber to take a taxi to the finish.

Or worse yet…

1. The bar wouldn’t tolerate our antics.

2. The beer would be shitty/warm/ expensive.

Amazingly none of this happened, and even more amazingly the trail was actually damn good. Super Stuff `er started us off by providing the chalk talk while being chastised by the circle for not being explicit enough for the virgins. We were warned that this was an ADD run, and that if we found ourselves on the trail without chalk marks, we should follow shiny objects instead.

After the usual introductions, we spotted our first shiny object (aluminum foil) on a tree across the street in Welles Park and soon thereafter found the first check. Virtually Hung quickly figured it out and led us north toward Lawrence Ave. We veered west and proceeded to make something like 11 left turns in a row, covering every inch of street, alley and parking lot available. Crossing the river on Wilson, a check mixed up the pack for a few minutes, but 50~60 chalk arrows were finally found on the Lawrence Bridge bringing us to the beer stop at the hare’s mother’s house. There was a beer cooler and a couple dozen beer bottles on the back deck, along with a woman looking out the window with a “what have you freaks done to my son” look on her face. The pack guzzled nectar in the cold and endured a 1/2 mile run back to the on-in. Well done hares.

The stand-in RA was Virtually Hung, and he dispensed a bunch of well-deserved down-downs of which I have no recollection because I was very busy talking and interrupting the circle. What I do recall is the complete absence of mismanagement members. What could have happened? Did they move the hash to Saturday and not tell anyone? Did the CH3 corporate jet go down while en route to another junket in Indy/Cincy/Big Hump/Madison/ Waukesha? Assuming that the later was most likely the case, a new mismanagement was immediately installed:

Grand Mistress: Cunt & Pasties
Hare Razer: Super Stuff `er
Haberdasher: Sir Poops a Lot
Religious Adviser: Just John
Hash Cash: Bloody Thighs
Web Master: Horn-E
Hash Flash: Wall Bang Her
Hash Scribe: Lifa
Hash Sex Therapist: Magnetic Muff
Hash Human Shield: EZ on the Ass
Hash Belligerence Consultant (emeritus): Boner Malfunction

I believe C & P will be conducting her first mismanagement meeting next Sunday, but it’s hard to read the date through the grease mark on this plate.

On-On,
Lifa

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[Editor’s Note: Thanks to the “replacement players” for keeping this week’s hash going.

Rumours of a coup have been greatly exaggerated. In fact, the CH3 Mismanagement Dassault Falcon 9x Jet has returned safely from Yangon where the Generals of Myanmar kindly hosted seminars on “How Run A Tighter Ship In You Junta”, “Quashing Pesky Democratic Idealism”, “How to Knit Nice Tea Cosys For the Holidays From Lightly Used Buddhist Monk Vestments” and “Without Constant Vigilance, Even Your Team Could Be Upset By the Chicago Bears”. Expect business as usual next week.]

– Fuji

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CH3 #1519

Chicago #1519 Post Thanksgiving ADD Hash @ O’Lanagan’s
Published by itstoosoft on November 17, 2007 in all events & runs and chicago hash runs.

Submit Hare(s): Super Stuffer & Just Steve
Venue: O’Lanagan’s – 2335 W. Montrose Ave. Chicago (Lincoln Square)
Hash Cash: $6

The ADD hares promise a trail with lots of distractions for marks including shiny things like tin foil, balloons and bits of paper. Hopefully the hares themselves don’t get distracted by something (like a hangover) and forget to lay trail! Ritalin NOT included in hash cash.

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, hoof it four blocks South on Western Montrose and cut East (left) or shortcut thru Welles Park, or take the Red Line to Wilson and catch the Montrose #78 bus West to Western.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Irving Park, Irving Park #80 bus East to Western, hoof it three blocks North to Monrose.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to the corner of Western & Montrose and cut East 1/2 block to the bar. Plenty of street parking in the local ‘hood.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1518

Hash Trash: 11/18/07
Hares: Just Molly & Just Katherine
Venue: J & M Tap

VIRGINS: J Cubed, Just John
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Steve, Chicken Stiffer, Just Rob, Horn-e, Boner, Frosted Discharge, Its Too Soft, Just Rob, Princess Labia, Good Swallow, Chip�n Dale, Balz, Sex Luthor, Green Goblin, Mount Schwiiinga, Lifa, Just Josh, Just Marty
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 23

The hash weekend started with the hello To SMELL THIS and goodbye to BONER party on Saturday night. We had numerous people show up. HUMPY DUMBTY, SMELL THIS, BONER, CHICKEN, MOUTHFUL, SUPER STUFFER, LATE AGAIN, ODOR EATER, ROTTEN WHORE, ONE HANDED TYPIST, JUST CRAIG, ITS to SOFT, CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT and others for a total of about 25 people who came out for this CH3 drinking party.
This hash started at the famed J & M tap and was hared by our virgin hares JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE. They had originally chosen a bar with no pitchers but made the fortuitous decision to call the GM and ask if this would be a problem to which I said Yes!! They made a good choice of making the J & M tap their ON-IN because we got $6 pitchers and some free pizza. The pack was off after we stuffed our bags in JUST ROBS truck. We welcomed JUST BALLS to the hash, a friend of MOUNT ME PUH�LZEE. The pack made their way to the outside and the hares did a great job in explaining the hash marks to our Virgins J CUBED and JUST JOHN. The pack ran down an alley and JUST ROB in his matching shoes and shorts lead the pack in the beginning. JUST STEVE was seen climbing every fence in sight much like MR. HYDE does in the movies. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA and BONER were holding down the back of the pack due to hangovers???? We ran by Clemente High School and crossed Division. The pack
made its way to Humboldt Park and ran around the lagoon. CHIP�N DALE was the leader at this point with our Virgins and found trail going west to the beer stop at the home of JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE. They served us icehouse, which should have been called Warm House?? We stayed there for a few minutes while JUST MOLLY burned her fingers inside on the oven. She goes to U of Chicago and doesn�t know what an oven mitt is?? The pack was soon on out and LIFA was quick to find trail back to the bar with SEX LUTHOR and the GREEN GOBLIN.
Back at the bar the pack had to wait until the Bears halftime because the game started at 3 pm. If the NFL hadn�t changed the start time only the week before we would have run this hash at 1 pm so the pack wouldn�t piss of the bar patrons by singing during the game. This caused a few hashers to leave early and the circle was started around 5 pm, about 30 minutes after we got back. We punished the hares for such a wonderful trail. The FRB was JUST ROB. JUST STEVE was pointed out for being a racist in the hash because he was happy to beat JUST ROB to the beer stop. JUST MOLLY also accused JUST ROB for stealing JUST HARRSONS birthday cake but that is perfectly acceptable hash behavior so we made JM drink with her co-hare. We sent off JUST BONER to Florida with the song �IT�S A SMALL DICK AFTER ALL!!!� after he requested the song a 12 inch hard-on!! Nice try BONER!!! We welcomed J Cubed and Just John to the hash as virgins they are looking to start a hash in
Bloomington, Illinois. We wish them well and the Chicago Hash will support their efforts. WE welcomed back our 6-month reboot FROSTED DISCHARGE who has been running races over the summer. MOUNT SCHWIINGA has been busily creating the ANTHRAX logo for the hash this year and then the Circle was closed because the Bears game was back on. The pack was disappointed but I felt it was better to close the circle then risk making the regulars mad and anyways we did eat most of their pizza and ate JUST ROBS cake!!! Just to let you know he really did not steal it but it was a good story that many people believed? The pack proceeded to break up and BONER was really getting wasted. He even had to run out the back door to enter the spew-a-thon contest that was caused by JUST STEVES shot. PRINCESS LABIA showed up and we wished her luck at the Volleyball game along with MOUNT SCHWIIINGA. ITS TOO SOFT, BONER and I took off for home after we said goodnight to the Hares. BONER and
I picked up food and he stayed at my place but what was really funny was the program we watched on the BBC. Check it out if you have a chance. BONER was total enthralled with this show. SEE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT TURKEY DAY.
http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/250/index.jsp

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1517

Hash Trash: 11/11/07
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Mad River

VIRGINS: Just Marybeth, Just Jessica
VISITORS: Sugar
HASHERS: Just Steve, Just Jonathan, Its Too Soft, Horn-e, Are They Real, Stab�em and Slab�em, Stupid Man, Just Molly, Cunt and Pasties, Lifa, Rotten Whore, Virgin banger, Renta Virgin, Just Rob, Mouthful of Meat, Just Patrick, Super Stuffer, Peterbilt, Mount Van Tramp, Bloody Thighs, Odor Eater
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 25

Well this hash was a live trail and was set after the Mismanagement meeting ended. The Hare was Chicken and we welcomed JUST MARYBETH and JUST JESSICA to the hash for their very first run. Since I hared I do not know much about what happened on trail but I heard JUST MOLLY say I can�t believe CHICKEN found every single alley and alleyway in the Lakeview neighborhood. The Hare was technically caught because he stopped to break up a 3×6 foot piece of drywall and also had to buy beer. ITS TOO SOFT, JUST MOLLY and CUNT and PASTIES made the catch around Sheffield and Diversey very near the home of ITS TOO SOFT. We had some good beer to drink on the roof deck and that made LIFA a very happy hasher. SUGAR our visitor enjoyed the view and the hash put the roof deck to bed until next summer. We made it back to the bar where MOUTFUL OF MEAT was enjoying free shots of some Italian liquor? The Hash also enjoyed half price Philly cheese steaks!!! The circle was started by LIFA
and the hare was punished. The circle was turned over to HORN-E because it was Veterans Day and he dusted the cobwebs off his RA suit and led the circle. STUPID MAN got to drink for his NAVY affiliation. ITS TOO SOFT was busy watching the Football game so he was nailed with technology in the circle. We said hi to our visitor SUGAR and welcomed our virgins STAB�EM and SLAB�EM and BLOODY THIGHS?????? What? VIRGIN BANGER and RENTA VIRGIN made an appearance and are eagerly awaiting the next Memorial Day Hash!!! JUST MOLLY and JUST PATRICK were seen leaving together??? ROTTEN WHORE had too much to drink so she called the ODOR to pick her up!!! JUST JONATHAN looked scrumptious in his tiara and JUST STEVE is ready for his ADD hash in two weeks. Overall we had a fun day!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Mismanagement Agenda

CH3 Agenda
11/11/07 at 12 pm
Mad River
2909 N. Sheffield

GM REPORT

A. Budget
1. Verify funds We have $1219 in hash cash.
2. Hash Tax and cash kept at $1 per person and $6 total?
3. Turn over $1200 for new GM in 2008.
4. $508 in Haberdashery sales to date.
5. We have been self funded for the last three months NO HASH TAX HAS BEEN COLLECTED in three months

B. ANTHRAX Hash �Quick notes
1. DEC. 14-16
2. PUB CRAWL DEC. 14
3. ANTHRAX HASH DEC. 15 2pm
4. Hangover hash DEC. 16 11 am
5. Cost is currently $35
6.
C. Calendar
1. NOVEMBER 17, 2007 BYE BYE BONER party
2. PICK a date for hashball
3. Possible POP in beginning of JUNE or middle of JULY 2008?
4. Memorial DAY hash on the Sunday like last year MAY 25, 2008.
5. Elections will begin in Jan. – Feb. for new GM.

COMMITTEE REPORTS

D. Hare Razor- Mouthful and Batteries
1. NICE JOB KEEPING US WITH HARES
2. Needs hares to come forward for December and Jan. hashes
3.

E. WEB dude and Social chair- GREAT WORK IN UPDATING THE WEBSITE
1. ITS TOO SOFT now puts out the CH3 hareline.
2. If you want to be put on or taken off the CH3 Hareline tell him.
3. NEW CH3 Website will be out shortly thanks to ONE HANDED TYPIST

F. Haberdashery and Pulley Man-Milk My Yak
1. The past two years have seen us make $800 dollars on Haberdashery sales. This year alone we have made $508
2. More good news we have new t-shirts to sell along with 10 bags to sell, which means another $350-$400 in Haberdashery inventory.
3. We look set for another year with Lanyards and whistles.
4. Anyone wish to make a new design.

G. RA�s & circle: Calvin?
1. New songs �ou�est le papier has become mainstay
2. Calvin wants us too keep learning new songs.
3. Learn ALOUETTE?

H. Misc

1. PEARL HARBOR HASH DEC.8
2. JAN. 19 SIN CITY 500th Hash
3. Green Dress in St. Louis March 15
New Business

– WHERE do we have the Hash Ball
–

CHICKEN STIFFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1516

Hash Trash: 11/4/07 ASS FAMILY HASH
Hares: Lifa and Bloody Thighs
Venue: McKellians

VIRGINS: Just Dan, Just Justin, Just Tim
VISITORS: Gnome Nuts- Hagerstown Hash
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Just Steve, Just Jonathan, At Your Cervix, One handed Typist, Its Too Soft, W�all Bangher, Horn-e, Erect da Red, Sir Poops A lot, Special Head, Are They Real, Stab�em and Slab�em, Just Jenn, Moldy Man Sac, Mount Me Puh�lzee, AssMan, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Coffee, Tea, or Me, Just Hannah
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 27

This hash was run out of the northern most Bar in Chicago, McKellians. Our hares were LIFA and BLOODY THIGHS, and they set two trails one for the turkeys and one for the eagles. They lead us in a quick circle and we were soon off on trail. Just Dan and Just Justin were out leading the pack even though they were virgins but that happens from time to time. About � mile into the trail we hit the turkey-eagle split and hashers like ARE THEY REAL, JUST STEVE, and JUST JONATHAN took the turkey split. ITS TOO SOFT and CHICKEN joined them as well because we were beat from celebrating the 30th anniversary in Madison. JUST JUSTIN and JUST MOLLY joined us for a great weekend in Wisconsin. The others like VIRTUALLY HUNG, MUDSUCKER and SIR POOPS A LOT took the eagle trail which ran by BLOODY THIGHS school and Trash mountain. The trail for the turkeys was lead by STAB�EM and SLAB�EM for most of the day and she had some help from JUST JENN as well. The trail for the turkeys led
to a park off of Western Ave. and ended on the sledding hill there. The pack was a little disappointed that they couldn�t find beer for ten-minutes but things worked out in the end when the Hares showed up with beer in ten-minutes. ARE THEY REAL had to be driven back to the on in so she could see the actually goats that were on trail. I followed ASSMAN back to the ON IN and we were informed by the bar owner that he had tons of meat for us to cook, now if we just had SUPER STUFFER to cook for us!! I lead the circle and tried to keep it short because there was food to be had. The FRB�s were MOLDY and STAB�EM and SLAB�EM. The DFL was ARE THEY REAL for she also auto hashed. JUST TIM was brought into the circle by MOUNT ME because this is the officer that wrote up the original ANTHRAX report that was touched off by ITS TOO SOFTS trail so we sang them Hash Tones. Remember the ANTHRAX hash is in a couple of weeks. We also eemed to have lost W�ALL BANGHER after the trail somewhere. JUST JENN, MOLDY, MOUNT ME and SPECAIL HEAD drank for being the REBOOTS. The circle was soon closed and we sang swing low. The hash made a dash for the grill outside where ARE THEY REAL was busy dropping hamburgers through the grill making blackened burgers. We really enjoyed seeing COFFEE with her little HANNAH at the hash. JUST JONATHAN and JUST STEVE are kicking around the idea of laying an ADD hash where we all take Adderal? Our visiting hasher GNOME NUTS stuck around for a while and had his dinner and now we have a contact in the Virginia area. SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK at he MISMANAGEMEN MEETING which starts at NOON!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM