Chicago Hash House Harriers

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1499 @ Rockwell & Iowa

July 16, 2007 5:43 pm / chicagohash
Hash Trash: 7/16/07
Hare: Spotted Cock & Earnest Cummingway
Venue- Rockwell & Iowa Tavern corner with HAMM’S beer sign

VIRGINS: Just Asni, Just Olga
HASHERS: Scabby Ass Rising, Just Mark, Just Pete, Virtually Hung, Sex Luthor, Canned Pussy, Milk My Yak, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, Chicken Stiffer, Just John, Just Jenn, Virgin Banger, KGB, Learning to Blow, Salted Gash, Mud Sucker, Princess Labia, Rhotan, Boner, Horn-e, Just Mark, Cums in My Assfault, Paulie Ringbald, Just Kier, Just Melissa, Single Wide Mobile Ho, Puke Suit Riot, Its Too Soft, Peterbilt, Mr. Cheesecake, Asspocket, Just Jim, Lower Whackoff, Smell This, Mouthful of Meat, Cums Analually, No Penatration
Virgins= 2
Total Hashers= 45

This hash started from some undisclosed named family bar on the corner of Rockwell and Iowa. The location and weather forecast lead me to believe that we might have another 20 person hash like last week, but NO!!! 45 hashers showed up to greet SPOTTED COCK and wish him happy birthday at this hash. It was interesting to see SPOTTED carry around grass all night but did he smoke it??

This is becoming a weekly thing the GM gets to the hash at 7 pm and he is soundly beaten into the bar by 8 hashers who are all ready there drinking beer and having fun!!! This weeks over achievers were JUST MARK, JUST PETE, MILK MY YAK, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SEX LUTHOR, C.P., and MOUNT SCHWIINGA. Don’t you people have homes!! I meet our new virgin JUST OLGA on the bus ride over she would step on my feet and my bag would hit her in the arse and it wasn’t even a crowded bus?!?!? The bar was soon crowded by hashers and JUST MELISSA, ASSFAULT, and C.P. were hot after the haberdashery. I think we sold $50 that night. BLOODY THIGHS took over her old role as hash cash and whipped some people into paying glad to see no bears ate you on your trip to Glacier National Park!! The time got to be 7:30 pm and the hash chalk talk was conducted by SPOTTED and ERNEST CUMMINGWAY. They explained the marks to JUST OLGA and JUST ASNI our virgins and the pack was off.

The front of the pack had MR. CHEESCAKE, JUST MARK, and RHOTAN at the front and SEX LUTHOR was doing a great job carrying the flag that was taller than him.

The trail eventually wound thru Ukrainian Village and cut across Division by Clemente High School.

JUST JOHN and JUST JENN again were near the front of the pack looking for marks and checking trail. It was soon after here that VIRTUALLY HUNG took the lead and led the pack into the beer stop at Casa de ERNEST? Here ASSPOCKET meet us and ITS TOO SOFT started to snap numerous pictures of this lovely group. We stayed at the beer stop for a long time until the beer gave out and this caused SEX LUTHOR to leave early but I know he had fun anyways. PUKE SUIT RIOT was constantly looking for his beloved, SINGLE WIDE, who seemed to be a bit lost on trail? MILK MY YAK at the beer stop noticed that the electrical wires were very close to the roof deck, in fact in a drunken stupor you could reach out and touch them. Can you say this is a shocking development!!!! It was interesting while searching for trail to the beer stop I did meet up with VIRGIN BANGER and SMELL THIS who seemed uninterested in the trail and ran right to the beer stop?

Can we say someone knew the hare’s lair!!! The beer was gone and we hoofed it back to the bar where the hash enjoyed Hamm’s and Schlitz and ???

VIRTUALLY ran the circle and we called those damn hares out and drank. SPOTTED got the pipe for his birthday down- down and we sang to our new virgin JUST OLGA. The Chinese fire drill was lead by RHOTAN and BONER, and I think EZ gotcaught up on some of his reading during the circle. JUST KIER and JUST MELISSA were happy to be back with us after their virgin trail last week. SALTED GASH and JUST LAUREN volunteered to help with the 1500 by working with some of the haberdashery this week, and we even convinced a few more hashers to go to 1500 this weekend. PETERBILT again shared his roasted nuts with the whole hash and I heard someone say that they needed SALT!! PRINCESS LABIA announced the Pink Dress run on Sept. 27, this will be a hash to benefit Breast Cancer Research.

Well it’s a busy weekend we have cumming up so I hope to see you at one, two, or maybe all of the events we have planed!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 7/9/07
Hare: Calvin Klein – Live hare
Venue- Piano bar $5 pitchers

Virgins- Just Melissa, Just Kier
Visitor- Full Term- OXFORD H3
Hashers- KGB, Just Chris (FBI), Just Karen, Rhotan, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Mr. Cheesecake, Sex Luthor, Smell This, Just Heather, Just Pitt, Just Jim, Dickens Cider, Just Chris, Chicken Stiffer, Just Debra, Its Too Soft

Total=21 hashers

The hash Started very ominous with thunder and lightening but that gave way by 7 pm and those of you too scared to come out and play missed great running weather. Twenty-one brave souls stared from the Piano bar at 3800 N. Clark after we gave the live hare CALVIN KLEIN a ten-minute head start. We did chalk talk for our two virgins and then we were off!! JUST MELISSA right off was giving crap to SMELL THIS in his banana running suit attire. SMELL THIS that would look good in SEX LUTHOR banana colored SUV?? The trail ran by Wrigley again and was taken north, DICKENS CIDER found true trail north and came to a check on Irving Park Road. The trail was found by JUST JIM going north still under the El tracks. MR. CHEESECAKE and I found true trail leading to Truman College. The check here went back west and JUST CHRIS and I tried to parallel trail for a bit but the trail kept going west so we ran back to the pack. JUST KIER and JUST MELISSA seemed to be having a blast on this trail and in true hash form kept asking how much further till we drink beer? FULL TERM seemed pleased that hashers were sweeping for him because he seemed to be laboring out there on this humid day.

The hash is also happy to report that we did not scare away our last week virgins. JUST KAREN, JUST CHRIS, JUST PITT (our resident German), and JUST HEATHER decided that this hashing thing was for them. CALVIN KLEIN lead the trail back to some bar for a beer stop but the damn thing was closed oops, but that is the way the hash goes sometimes you just have to make alternate plans. We got back to the bar and proceeded to drink them out of $5 pitchers of Miller Lite and the bartender began to serve us Heineken and that went out as well so she gave us Moretti oh damn twist my arm I hate premium beer!! CALVIN ran the circle but the funniest moment came when JUST MELISSA a hash virgin shut up RHOTAN with a classic cut down he couldn’t respond to! The doctors drank so MR. CHEESECAKE, JUST KAREN, FULL TERM, and KGB had to put down their beepers for a minute and do a down-down. HORN-E drank for being himself. The circle ended and we had to bring JUST DEBRA into the circle for her naming. Twice during the night she made some momentous statements the first was during her beer pouring for JUST CHRIS. Our Little Debra said, “I don’t want to give you Too much Head”. The second time she was trying on a t-shirt and said, “Can you help me get this off?” The circle reconvened and came up with CLITTY LITTER, CUM DUMPSTER, TOO MUCH HEAD, HELP ME GET THIS OFF, HELP ME GET OFF!, SHE’S ASKING FOR IT as possible names. JUST DEBRA came back to the circle and will now be known as TOO MUCH HEAD, congratulations little Debbie. The circle broke up and JUST PITT and JUST HEATHER bought new haberdashery. JUST PITT seemed to appreciate the tight fit of the women’s t-shirts on JUST HEATHER. Next week is the birthday hash for Spotted Cock and then we flow into the 1500 weekend with a TH3 hash, Pub Crawl and then main event.

CHICKEN STIFFER-CH3 GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1497 @ Murphy’s Bleachers

Hash Trash: 7/2/07

Hares: Just Chris, Just Carrie, and Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Murphy’s Bleacher Bar

VIRGINS: Just Heather, Just Pitt, Just Chris, Just Chuck, Just Jenn, Jus Katie,
Just Karen

HASHERS: Corn on the Cock, Just Kris, Packher Arse, A Salted Gash, Sex Luthor, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Assman, Princess Labia, Stump Humper, Virgin Banger, Bloody Thighs, Virtually Hung, Just Collen, Just Jenn, Just John, Ernest Cummingway, Asspocket, Just Kris, Just Leslie, Jus John, Magnetic Muff, Smell This, Hot Pants, Peterbilt, Cunt and Pasties, Its too Soft, Spotted Cock, Smelly Concha, Horn-e, Mount Schwinga, Bank of Spermerica, Hookah Hookah Burning Love, Mouthful of Meat, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included.

Virgins= 7
Total Hashers= 45

This was another nice turnout for the Chicago Hash. We had 45 people show up and be counted for JUST CHRIS and JUST CARRIE’s virgin hare trail. The hash was billed as one you do not want to miss because of a very cool beer stop. I got back with my co-hares at 6:50 pm and again there were already 10 hashers waiting in anticipation of this fine trail. I took my seat and began collecting money from hashers like EZ on the ASS, PRINCESS LABIA, BLOODY THIGHS, SEX LUTHOR, and CP. I must say thank you for all of you who come up and pay me without having to ask for your money. Collecting hash cash is a thankless job for whomever does it and you people make it easy for me because I rarely have to ask anyone for his or her money. Many Hashers saw that Wrigley was under construction for the upcoming Police concert this weekend and JUST CHRIS even said wouldn’t it be cool to have circle in the Outfield since he doors were open? Nice try but security I think would have had an issue with that. The hash began at 7:35 and 30 seconds and I was happy to see CALVIN and BATTERIES show up right at the start. Thi meant I would have someone to run circle for this large group. The chalk talk commenced and we used all the standard marks for this hash because we had virgin hares that needed to learn the marks for trail. The pack was off going west down Waveland and stopped traffic at Clark. HORN-E I believe found the first mark after the split. Wankers like VIRTUALLY HUNG and SMELLY CONCHA were already far behind. The back of the pack included JUST KELLY, PACKERHER ARSE, CP, JUST CHUCK, and JUST JENN. I was sweeping so I barely saw anyone and gave these people a Short cut to the Beer stop at JUST CHRIS’S place. Hashers like HOOKAH HOOKAH BURNING LOVE, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SEX LUTHOR, and JUST JOHN took the eagle trail. Other hashers like MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, BLOODY THIGHS, and STUMP HUMPER took the turkey (chicken?) trail.

The Beer stop was at 3100 North Lake Shore Drive and was on the 21st floor of the building overlooking he lake. We have early confirmation that many people perceived this to be in the running for the best beer stop of the year!! We were up there for 10 minutes when JUST CARRIE arrived with the back of the pack and BATTERIES, SPOTTED COCK, ERNEST CUMMINGWAY, and others got to partake of beer and of the awesome view. See the pictures located at http://www.chicagohash.com/ to get my meaning. The hash after 20 minutes went back to the bar but not before PACKHER ARSE played with some knob like boobs on the way down the elevator. SMELLY CONCHA being the racist he is took the stairs all the way down!!! The trail went through boys town on the way back and the streets were packed with people on this beautiful night. BANK OF SPERMAMERICA almost became road kill crossing Broadway and heading west. We got back to the bar and were greeted by some non-runners, SMELL THIS, PETERBILT, HOT PANTS, CUNT AND PASTIES, and ITS TOO SOFT we are still glad to have you show even though you do not run. Our Bartender Katie poured us numerous pitchers of beer and CALVIN began the traditional circle. Punishment was handed out to the hares but I think the circle loved the beer stop!! So we were not hurt to badly.

STUMP HUMPER, VIRGIN BANGER, SPOTTED COCK, and HOOKAH were nailed for being reboots. We also welcomed our virgins: JUST HEATHER, JUST PITT, JUST CHRIS, JUST CHUCK, JUST JENN, JUS KATIE, JUST KAREN to the hash and judging by the comments it sounds like many are going to return next week. We also were happy to see the previous weeks virgins JUST JOHN, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST COLLEN come back and hash again for free!! Remember folks your 2nd hash is free at the CH3. We also meet Just Kris and CORN on the COCK who were visiting from DC. CALVIN soon closed the circle and many went on their way. If you did stay you got to see JUST KELLY named. Due to a comment on trail about a gash she had on her foot and it hurting because of the sweat, she has been named A SALTED
GASH!! See you all next week you wanks!!

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you
wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1496 @ Side Street Saloon

Hares: Virtually Hung & Mt. Scwiiinga
Venue: Side Street Saloon – 1456 W. George St.

This was the Virgin haring of MOUNT SCHWINGA and she was accompanied by VIRTUAL HUNG a veteran hare on this trail. We started off from a new venue the Side Street Café at 1456 N. George. Before I even arrived there were seven hashers there, and I arrived at 6:50 pm so this was a good sign. I was greeted tonight by CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCULDED, BLOODY THIGHS, DICK IN SIDE HER, a virgin JUST COLLEEN, PACKER ARSE, and JUST CARRIE. This early turnout for told of another large turnout for this hash, and we had 40 hashers this night. The hash was graced with some more new blood that is swearing they will come back next week. JUST ANDY, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST FOCHLEE showed up and added their names to the hash community. MILK MY YAK was kind enough to let us use his car as a bag wagon and OCCUPIED, CALVIN and I put our bags in his car and soon we were in our chalk talk. We brought our virgins out so they could see the marks, but hashers like RHOTAN and MUDSUCKER tried to have their own side conversations, which they were punished, later in Circle by our RA CALVIN.

VIRTUALLY HUNG gave the chalk talk but while doing so a few more hashers walked up like CP, JUST JIM, and BIG HEAD LITTLE BALLS. The pack of 30-plus was soon away and the Hash was off wandering the streets of Lakeview. The trail tonight went in a northwestern direction and our FRB for a little time was JUST ANDY. RHOTAN and DICKIN SIDER were also seen near the front, those Second City racists. MY LITTLE PONY caught up to me outside Hamlin Park and I laughed that JUST BESSIE was in front of him, but that was my MISTAKE because it was another blond Bimbo, FLYING HOOTERS, in the distance leading the way. MILK MY YAK was running along 8 days after his Appendectomy, YIKES!! He was even drinking beer, which shows how good our modern medicine really is. JUST KRIS and LESLIE look like they have been hashing for years and swear they are back next week. We passed the ballpark and soon you would could here the Horn of E behind us on trail again. You really have to give to a guy that still hashes at age 60+. The trail went across Western Ave. and went behind Lane Tech HS, which was where the beer stop was supposed to be, but due to some confusion the front of the pack seemed to miss it. The pack meet up with BONER MALFUNCTION and SMELL THIS who were auto hashing today which they know is a big NO NO or DOWN DOWN. The pack got to Belmont and Western and went down Clybourn to find true trail. I was now with JUST ANDY AND JUST KRIS who were doing an excellent job checking trail for a tired GM. The pack made it back to the bar and had to wait a little while for the back of the pack, which caught the beer stop. I heard BLOODY THIGHS, CP, JUST BRENDA, JUST KELLY enjoyed some cold beer while many went without, C’est La Vie. (A Good rule of thumb if you see a BN and go more than a ¼ mile there is a good chance you MISSED the beer stop so run back!!) Calvin got the circle going and proceeded to punish the aforementioned MUDSUCKER and RHOTAN for their cackling like old women during chalk talk. The Hash said hello to our newest members JUST FOCHLEE, JUST ANDY, JUST LESLIE, JUST COLLEEN, and JUST KRIS, remember that your second hash is free. The hares of MOUTN SCHWINGA and VIRTUALLY HUNG were doing down downs all night for the beer stop mistake but that is they way the hash rolls. PACKER ARSE and JUST KELLY got their lanyards and whistles for sticking with the hash for so long, nice job ladies we haven’t scared you of yet? MUDSUCKER was made to wear the SIN CITY DFL award for being duh the DFL!! We welcomed back TWO TICKETS to the hash after she has been gone with a broken collarbone. She probably got it while running a tough woods trail. CP we hear is moving to somewhere new? And MAGNETIC MUFF assures me she is paying for her 1500 hash rego soon. How can we forget the man

in the middle ITS TOO SOFT who kept snapping pictures of this event all night long. This way we can be assured that we have now sighted JUST DEBRA for a third time at a CH3 event. Much thanks goes out to BATTERIES NOT INCLDED, SCHWINGA and JUST CARRIE who helped all night long keep the hash in beer. WE can also thank CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT for helping to pour out said beer to mighty thirsty hashers. If I forgot to mention someone or failed to see you I apologize there were over 40 people present and again it seemed like we are getting a greet mix of new young hashers with our older crowd.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM