Chicago Hash House Harriers

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1496 @ Side Street Saloon

Hares: Virtually Hung & Mt. Scwiiinga
Venue: Side Street Saloon – 1456 W. George St.

This was the Virgin haring of MOUNT SCHWINGA and she was accompanied by VIRTUAL HUNG a veteran hare on this trail. We started off from a new venue the Side Street Café at 1456 N. George. Before I even arrived there were seven hashers there, and I arrived at 6:50 pm so this was a good sign. I was greeted tonight by CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCULDED, BLOODY THIGHS, DICK IN SIDE HER, a virgin JUST COLLEEN, PACKER ARSE, and JUST CARRIE. This early turnout for told of another large turnout for this hash, and we had 40 hashers this night. The hash was graced with some more new blood that is swearing they will come back next week. JUST ANDY, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST FOCHLEE showed up and added their names to the hash community. MILK MY YAK was kind enough to let us use his car as a bag wagon and OCCUPIED, CALVIN and I put our bags in his car and soon we were in our chalk talk. We brought our virgins out so they could see the marks, but hashers like RHOTAN and MUDSUCKER tried to have their own side conversations, which they were punished, later in Circle by our RA CALVIN.

VIRTUALLY HUNG gave the chalk talk but while doing so a few more hashers walked up like CP, JUST JIM, and BIG HEAD LITTLE BALLS. The pack of 30-plus was soon away and the Hash was off wandering the streets of Lakeview. The trail tonight went in a northwestern direction and our FRB for a little time was JUST ANDY. RHOTAN and DICKIN SIDER were also seen near the front, those Second City racists. MY LITTLE PONY caught up to me outside Hamlin Park and I laughed that JUST BESSIE was in front of him, but that was my MISTAKE because it was another blond Bimbo, FLYING HOOTERS, in the distance leading the way. MILK MY YAK was running along 8 days after his Appendectomy, YIKES!! He was even drinking beer, which shows how good our modern medicine really is. JUST KRIS and LESLIE look like they have been hashing for years and swear they are back next week. We passed the ballpark and soon you would could here the Horn of E behind us on trail again. You really have to give to a guy that still hashes at age 60+. The trail went across Western Ave. and went behind Lane Tech HS, which was where the beer stop was supposed to be, but due to some confusion the front of the pack seemed to miss it. The pack meet up with BONER MALFUNCTION and SMELL THIS who were auto hashing today which they know is a big NO NO or DOWN DOWN. The pack got to Belmont and Western and went down Clybourn to find true trail. I was now with JUST ANDY AND JUST KRIS who were doing an excellent job checking trail for a tired GM. The pack made it back to the bar and had to wait a little while for the back of the pack, which caught the beer stop. I heard BLOODY THIGHS, CP, JUST BRENDA, JUST KELLY enjoyed some cold beer while many went without, C’est La Vie. (A Good rule of thumb if you see a BN and go more than a ¼ mile there is a good chance you MISSED the beer stop so run back!!) Calvin got the circle going and proceeded to punish the aforementioned MUDSUCKER and RHOTAN for their cackling like old women during chalk talk. The Hash said hello to our newest members JUST FOCHLEE, JUST ANDY, JUST LESLIE, JUST COLLEEN, and JUST KRIS, remember that your second hash is free. The hares of MOUTN SCHWINGA and VIRTUALLY HUNG were doing down downs all night for the beer stop mistake but that is they way the hash rolls. PACKER ARSE and JUST KELLY got their lanyards and whistles for sticking with the hash for so long, nice job ladies we haven’t scared you of yet? MUDSUCKER was made to wear the SIN CITY DFL award for being duh the DFL!! We welcomed back TWO TICKETS to the hash after she has been gone with a broken collarbone. She probably got it while running a tough woods trail. CP we hear is moving to somewhere new? And MAGNETIC MUFF assures me she is paying for her 1500 hash rego soon. How can we forget the man

in the middle ITS TOO SOFT who kept snapping pictures of this event all night long. This way we can be assured that we have now sighted JUST DEBRA for a third time at a CH3 event. Much thanks goes out to BATTERIES NOT INCLDED, SCHWINGA and JUST CARRIE who helped all night long keep the hash in beer. WE can also thank CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT for helping to pour out said beer to mighty thirsty hashers. If I forgot to mention someone or failed to see you I apologize there were over 40 people present and again it seemed like we are getting a greet mix of new young hashers with our older crowd.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1495 @ Rabbit’s

Hares: Rearloader & Horn-E
Venue: Rabbits Foster & Elston

VIRGINS: Just John
HASHERS: Lord Farque (Singapore Hash), Brother Love (San Juan), Pack her Arse, Just Kelly, Occupied, Chicken Stiffer, My Little Pony, Just Bessie, Sex Luthor, Happy Ass Grabber, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Just Jenn, Magnetic Muff, Just Lori, Just Joe, Virtually Hung, Lower Whackoff, Its Too Soft
Virgins=1
Total Hashers= 20

The hash was billed as a thank you hash for Rearloader because he is retiring from the Chicago Hare-Razor job. We had 20 hashers show up to say thank you Rear for a job well done. The weather on Monday did not seem to diminish our pack. The trail started from Rabbits and went north with the typical FRB’s leading the way. HAPPY ASS GRABBER and MY LITLE PONY led the way with SEX LUTHOR close behind. The trail entered the woods near where the Highway crosses over the north fork of the Chicago River. The trail paralleled the golf course and JUST BESSIE and CHICKEN STIFFER took the easy way by running the golf course fairways instead of contending with tree branches on my 6-foot frame. The trail cut back west and EZ on the ASS barreled through all the barriers and brush in front of him. The path led us to the Beer stop where HORN-E was ankle deep in the river handing out beer. (a note to future hares if you are going to run the pack through water let us know before hand so we can bring proper attire and shoes. We have many new people in the hash now and they do not know to do this at certain venues.) MAGNETIC MUFF and most of the pack soon joined him for a beer. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the chivalrous part of guiding CP and JUST LORI to the meeting point.

The pack got their fill of beer and slogged back in wet shoes to RABBITS. The circle began outside and the VIRTUALLY HUNG lead the circle in giving out proper punishment for the hares. OCCUPIED and LORD FARQUE and BROTHER LOVE sang us whip it out at the ball game for the visitor song. JUST JOHN was welcomed as the virgin for the day. ITS TOO SOFT showed up in a collared shirt and was nailed for being a Non-Running wuss. A local denizen of Rabbits hit upon PACKER HER ARSE and JUST KELLY and he even wanted to buy JUST KELLY a condo and be a kept women. We were happy to see JUST JENN make it back to the hash as well. It has been nice to see LOWER WHACKOFF making it to the hash on a regular basis at the Chicago Hash again. He was a regular back when I first started hashing and was gone for a while. Well that is it for now as I sum this up from the SIN CITY HASH, which I am currently hashing with for 3 days. Last night we ran through major shiggy and ran along the east cliffs of the city that overlooks the OHIO RIVER. They even allowed the CHICAGO GM to run the circle last night and since they asked me back tonight I am going to guess that I did a decent job. ON OUT from CHICKEN STIFFER and hope to see you all at FUJI’s or at Mondays hash at 1400 block of West George.

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1494 @ The Beamont

Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Beaumont’s 2020 N. Halsted

VIRGINS: Just Evan, Just Lauren II, Just Dale
HASHERS: Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, 69-Cent Man, Just Chris, Just Kess, Just Carrie, Just Jenn, Princess Labia, Boner Malfunction, My Little Pony Pack-Her Arse, Just Bessie, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Just Kelly, Just John, Its Too Soft, Mud Sucker, Chip-n-Dale, Debbie Does Doctors, Mr. Cheesecake, Pussy Galore, DGAS, Mount-me Puh’lzee, Coffee-Tea Or Me, Barks on al Fours, Peterbilt, Man O Whore, Just Nick, Mount Schwinga
VISITORS: OCCUPIED, KITTY LITTER-JOLLY ROGER HASH TAMPA, DGAS
Virgins=3
Total Hashers= 40

The hash was billed as a farewell to PUSSY GALORE hash and the Chicago Hash came through. 40 hashers showed up to pay their respects and say good-bye to the best Pussy in the hashing world. If you want to see her now you will have to make that trip to Barbados where the weather is warm and the rum is wet. The Hash began at 2020 N. Halsted at Beaumonts, a usual hash friendly Bar. Where our famous bartender watches our bags while we hash. The Chicago hash is really getting young with several of the new hashers like JUST CARRIE, MY LITTLE PONY, JUST BESS, JUST JENNY, JUST CHRIS, JUST JOHN, and PACK HER ARSE, and JUST KELLY bringing young blood to the hash. We really are a group of hashers in the 25-35 year-old age range now. CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED arrived early to take advantage of the $5 pitchers but they were not earlier than CHICKEN STIFFER who met our visitor KITTY LITTER for drinks around 6 pm, thank God I already had laid trail. The Hash weather and location had much to do with our turn out of 40 hashers. Remember people if you want hashers to show make it public transportation convenient and parking friendly. Many people did park at Lincoln Park High School including our visitor and PRINCESS LABIA.

The hash went out at 7:30 pm and took over a piece of sidewalk where I gave the chalk talk. During the chalk talk MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE arrived with COFFEE, TEA or ME and BARKS ON ALL FOURS and he asked in a loud voice where is the beer stop?? DO you think I’m really going to tell the whole hash where the beer stop is at you fool? After CALVIN took over introductions, the pack ran south to the corner where there was a split, HORN-E went east and JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY went south. HORN-E went the right way but soon ran right by the next mark and was lost within a minute of starting the hash go figure? I watched JUST BESS and pack run by the Armitage corner and turn down an alley soon they ran by the same corner again because this was the first of many circle jerks on trail. The pack came to a check at LPHS and CHIP-N-DALE found the false trail leading into Oz Park but BATTERIES found true trail going down and alley was soon joined by MR. CHEESECAKE in leading the pack to the Fire Station on Larabee. The sizable pack of 35+ soon found the back check and KITTY LITTER with JUST LAUREN found trail going through the city garden behind the fire station and went south down Larabee. The back of the pack was made up of MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST KELLY, PACK-HER ARSE, and JUST LAUREN. I was sweeping and helping our virgins JUST DALE and JUST LAUREN II find their way down to Lincoln Park. I did not see much of the pack until I got to Old Party Central, but heard that many hashers were mad about the long false trail they found at my home in the hopes of it being the beer stop? I was told that BONER MALFUNCTION was mad but OCCUPIED said the F means false trail right? The pack had to back track and find their way to the real beer stop at Old Party Central where they were treated to semi-cool beer?

MR. CHEESECAKE hung the hash flag on party centrals gate so the surrounding people would know who was there. JUST JOHN and JUST JENNY were happy to be back hashing with us and they wore their haberdashery with pride!!! The beer was soon gone and the trail went thru the DePaul campus with and interesting squeeze between one of the dorms and a fence.

MAGNETIC MUFF led the pack thru here and back to the bar. We arrived at the bar and PETERBILT was there with DGAS and later the other non-runners showed in MUDSUCKER and MAN O WHORE. The hash was enjoying fine beer for a few minutes before the circle was to commence. 69-CENT MAN set up shop and was providing numerous pieces of running literature to the hash but he did not know when Polish Constitution Day was next year? HORN-E was seen cornering apprehensive virgins and veteran hashers to promote his naked hash? CALVIN got the circle of 40 hashers going and suitable punishments were given out. The Hare was punished for warm beer and JUST KELLY was punished again for missing last week’s hash along with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. PUSSY GALORE finally got her lanyard and whistle as her goodbye gift. DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS was a reboot. COFFEE and MOUNT ME were congratulated for their next little hasher. The hash flash ITS TOO SOFT with his quick draw camera covered the whole night. The circle was soon closed but the party and dancing went on till 1:30 am and we owe thanks to JUST NICK for the free pizzas and numerous free Labatts pitchers. Many hashers like TRIPLE D paid the price the next day for the numerous beers the night before. See you next week!!! And check out http://www.chicagohash.com/ to see the pictures of all the young new hashers whooping it up at the hash!!!

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1493 @ Case de Puke and Single Wide

Hares: Puke Suit Riot, Single Wide Mobile Ho

VIRGINS: Just Chris, Just Bess
HASHERS: Magnetic Muff, Just Lauren, Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Mr. Cheesecake, My Little Pony, Canned Pussy, Mount Schwinga, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Its too Soft, Smell This, Lower Whackoff
VISITORS: Happy Meal-GM BVDH3 Melbourne Florida
Virgins=2
Hares= 2
Total Hashers= 18

The Chicago Hash after having a successful May seeing 30+ hashers at each hash got nailed by hashers whining, “I’m not coming to the hash because its raining”. You people missed a great trail, circle and cookout, and guess what it never rained after 6:30 pm. PUKE SUIT RIOT, the hare, was smart and laid the trail live which gave us easy marks to follow because it didn’t RAIN!!! I met our visiting GM, HAPPY MEAL, who flew in from Florida to hash with us early. We had a few beers before we ran trail, Blue Moons for $3 nice!!! SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO gave us a chalk talk for the virgins benefit and then we were off going north. Many of the virgins were heard saying just FOLLOW THE HASH FLAG!! We traveled North with MR. CHEESECAKE and HORN-E leading the pack on. The trail went in a NE direction and our hash virgin, JUST CHRIS was getting the hang of finding trail and began checking after splits and checks nice job!!!! The trail angled back to the east and passed by Wrigley Field home of the mighty, mighty CUBS!!! It is here where HORN-E and I got lost after a check. I found trail again and caught up to CP, JUST LAUREN, and HAPPY MEAL by the Addison red line stop but HORN-E wasn’t seen until the on–in go figure?? I hooked up with the three ladies and we worked together finding trail back through the Lakeview neighborhood to the home of PUKE SUIT and SWMH!!

The ON-IN was the backyard of PUKE SUIT who took it upon himself to put up a tent in case it would have rained. The pack made it back here with little or no trouble. JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY in from MH3 said they had a blast but the fun had not even begun yet!!! They were plenty of snacks and beer for the ravenous hashers to replenish their fluids and energy provided by the hares. The circle was convened and Mr. CHEESE CAKE was the FRB. During the Circle HORN-E was seen climbing over the back fence even though the trail came through the front yard so he was named the DFL. JUST LAUREN drank a down-down for the missing JUST KELLY who bugged out because it was raining?!!?? ! Our visitor, HAPPY MEAL gave the hash a nice big flash. To bad LOWER WHACKOFF missed it because he was on the wrong side of the circle. MILK MY YAK got his down-down for being a non-running wienie. The circle progressed and I turned around and there was SMELL THIS in business attire, and finally or hash flash showed up, ITS TOO SOFT. The circle was soon closed and we ate PUKE SUITS hot dogs that he was kind enough to grill!!! MAGNETIC MUFF is haring a moon hash in a week and MOUNT SCHWINGA will be haring her first hash on JUNE 25 so support her in a few weeks. Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM