Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1496 @ Side Street Saloon
Hares: Virtually Hung & Mt. Scwiiinga
Venue: Side Street Saloon – 1456 W. George St.
This was the Virgin haring of MOUNT SCHWINGA and she was accompanied by VIRTUAL HUNG a veteran hare on this trail. We started off from a new venue the Side Street Café at 1456 N. George. Before I even arrived there were seven hashers there, and I arrived at 6:50 pm so this was a good sign. I was greeted tonight by CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCULDED, BLOODY THIGHS, DICK IN SIDE HER, a virgin JUST COLLEEN, PACKER ARSE, and JUST CARRIE. This early turnout for told of another large turnout for this hash, and we had 40 hashers this night. The hash was graced with some more new blood that is swearing they will come back next week. JUST ANDY, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST FOCHLEE showed up and added their names to the hash community. MILK MY YAK was kind enough to let us use his car as a bag wagon and OCCUPIED, CALVIN and I put our bags in his car and soon we were in our chalk talk. We brought our virgins out so they could see the marks, but hashers like RHOTAN and MUDSUCKER tried to have their own side conversations, which they were punished, later in Circle by our RA CALVIN.
VIRTUALLY HUNG gave the chalk talk but while doing so a few more hashers walked up like CP, JUST JIM, and BIG HEAD LITTLE BALLS. The pack of 30-plus was soon away and the Hash was off wandering the streets of Lakeview. The trail tonight went in a northwestern direction and our FRB for a little time was JUST ANDY. RHOTAN and DICKIN SIDER were also seen near the front, those Second City racists. MY LITTLE PONY caught up to me outside Hamlin Park and I laughed that JUST BESSIE was in front of him, but that was my MISTAKE because it was another blond Bimbo, FLYING HOOTERS, in the distance leading the way. MILK MY YAK was running along 8 days after his Appendectomy, YIKES!! He was even drinking beer, which shows how good our modern medicine really is. JUST KRIS and LESLIE look like they have been hashing for years and swear they are back next week. We passed the ballpark and soon you would could here the Horn of E behind us on trail again. You really have to give to a guy that still hashes at age 60+. The trail went across Western Ave. and went behind Lane Tech HS, which was where the beer stop was supposed to be, but due to some confusion the front of the pack seemed to miss it. The pack meet up with BONER MALFUNCTION and SMELL THIS who were auto hashing today which they know is a big NO NO or DOWN DOWN. The pack got to Belmont and Western and went down Clybourn to find true trail. I was now with JUST ANDY AND JUST KRIS who were doing an excellent job checking trail for a tired GM. The pack made it back to the bar and had to wait a little while for the back of the pack, which caught the beer stop. I heard BLOODY THIGHS, CP, JUST BRENDA, JUST KELLY enjoyed some cold beer while many went without, C’est La Vie. (A Good rule of thumb if you see a BN and go more than a ¼ mile there is a good chance you MISSED the beer stop so run back!!) Calvin got the circle going and proceeded to punish the aforementioned MUDSUCKER and RHOTAN for their cackling like old women during chalk talk. The Hash said hello to our newest members JUST FOCHLEE, JUST ANDY, JUST LESLIE, JUST COLLEEN, and JUST KRIS, remember that your second hash is free. The hares of MOUTN SCHWINGA and VIRTUALLY HUNG were doing down downs all night for the beer stop mistake but that is they way the hash rolls. PACKER ARSE and JUST KELLY got their lanyards and whistles for sticking with the hash for so long, nice job ladies we haven’t scared you of yet? MUDSUCKER was made to wear the SIN CITY DFL award for being duh the DFL!! We welcomed back TWO TICKETS to the hash after she has been gone with a broken collarbone. She probably got it while running a tough woods trail. CP we hear is moving to somewhere new? And MAGNETIC MUFF assures me she is paying for her 1500 hash rego soon. How can we forget the man
in the middle ITS TOO SOFT who kept snapping pictures of this event all night long. This way we can be assured that we have now sighted JUST DEBRA for a third time at a CH3 event. Much thanks goes out to BATTERIES NOT INCLDED, SCHWINGA and JUST CARRIE who helped all night long keep the hash in beer. WE can also thank CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT for helping to pour out said beer to mighty thirsty hashers. If I forgot to mention someone or failed to see you I apologize there were over 40 people present and again it seemed like we are getting a greet mix of new young hashers with our older crowd.