Chicago Hash House Harriers

April 5, 2009

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail

Chicago Hash #1593

HARES: Hyper hash

VIRGINS: Just Tim, Just James

VISITORS: Picture me Naked (Las Vegas) , Butt Ugly, Commando (Munich)

HASHERS: Male Hairy, Hairy Pussy, Just Shania, Fistful of Pricks, Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Asscapades, Horn-e, Uploader, Soggy Deposit, Cuma Slutra, Stab’em and Slab’em, Just Genesis, Mount Schwiiinga, Erin Go Buff, Motor Whor-a, Ginger Snatch, Are They Real, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Ice Princess, International Virgin, Mudsucker, Chessus, Poultry Fucker, Chicken Stiffer

TOTAL HASHERS – 31

31-one hashers were out today to see UPLOADER. Today’s hash was suggested by ERIN GO BUFF a few weeks ago so we did a pick up hash where the hares name was drawn from a hat after the chalk talk. Our first hare for the day was CUMA SLUTRA she took off west and we only gave her a five-minute head start and then the pack took off after her. Leading the pack out was ERIN GO BUFF and LIFA along with a virgin named JUST TIM. We went by the old Polish church in buck town and west to Damen where we crossed over Armitage. Here the hare was caught by ERIN GO BUFF and CHICKEN STIFFER and ERIN became the hare. We gave him only 5 more minutes and then the pack was back on trail but JUST TIM caught the here in less then 5-minutes and we had a virgin hare. The Pack had taken a detour due to a false trail and then the pack with JUST SHANIA, MALE HARRY and others caught up to the others of the waiting pack. JUST TIM laid a nice trail until he was caught by LIFA on the train tracks, and you guessed it he became the hare. Here the rain and a little cross trail markings began to hinder our little adventure but we had been out for about one hour of running already, so we began to run back towards the bar and get out of the inclement weather.

Back at the bar we saw JUST GENESIS, HORN-E, HARRY PUSSY and others because they decided to short cut trail and just run back to the bar because they lost trail? HORN-E was not being his usual annoying self but was extra annoying because he couldn’t get a beer when he wanted. Seems the hash cash was in the GM’s car along with 7-8 hashers bags and he had to get the hash bags first so HORN-E had to wait an extra five-minutes for his beer. The bar gave us the use of a private room in back for circle, which was great since the DJ was playing some loud music up front. CALVIN who joined us ran the circle and we gave mad props to UPLOADER who returned to us after his accident. LIFA gave him a Hash shirt and a TH3 cowbell, which was cool. What was really cool was seeing UPLOADER up and walking around with an assist from a cane, which was wonderful to see.

We said Hi to our visitors from Las Vegas and Munich. PICTURE ME NAKED from LV and BUTT UGLY and COMMANDO from MUNICH brought us good tidings from their respective hashes. JUST TIM and JUST JAMES were our virgins for today and JUST TIM even tried his hand at haring for a few minutes before he was caught glad to see you at the hash gentlemen and come back next week free of chargee!!! JUST SHANIA and JUST GENESIS got their 10-run whistles and lanyards today congrats on completing your ten runs. We even saw INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN hobble into the hash today dressed up in red for Valentine’s Day? We drank the bar out of bud lite and had to drink Goose Island beer for the rest of the night but at $7 a pitcher no one was complaining, well maybe Horn-e was about something? Next week is the Easter Hash at Virtual Hungs place so eat your Easter dinner early and make it to the hash at 2 pm.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

March 29, 2009 Stocks and Blonde’s

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1592

HARES: Just Genesis and Glory Hole
VIRGINS: Just Steve
VISITORS: The Shark
HASHERS: At Your Cervix, Chicken Stiffer, Poultry Fucker, Snatchsquatch, Fistful of Pricks, Hoosier Daddy, Horn-e, Free VD, It’s Too Soft, Cuma Slutra, One Handed Typist, Lifa, Mouthful of Meat, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Erin Go Buff, Ice Princess, Motor Whor-a, R-Tard-E, Just Pamela

TOTAL HASHERS – 24

April 5, 2009

HASH TRASH – Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash #1593

HARES: Hyper hash
VIRGINS: Just Tim, Just James
VISITORS: Picture me Naked (Las Vegas) , Butt Ugly, Commando (Munich)
HASHERS: Male Hairy, Hairy Pussy, Just Shania, Fistful of Pricks, Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Asscapades, Horn-e, Uploader, Soggy Deposit, Cuma Slutra, Stab’em and Slab’em, Just Genesis, Mount Schwiiinga, Erin Go Buff, Motor Whor-a, Ginger Snatch, Are They Real, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Ice Princess, International Virgin, Mudsucker, Chessus, Poultry Fucker, Chicken Stiffer

TOTAL HASHERS – 31

31-one hashers were out today to see UPLOADER. Today’s hash was suggested by ERIN GO BUFF a few weeks ago so we did a pick up hash where the hares name was drawn from a hat after the chalk talk. Our first hare for the day was CUMA SLUTRA she took off west and we only gave her a five-minute head start and then the pack took off after her. Leading the pack out was ERIN GO BUFF and LIFA along with a virgin named JUST TIM. We went by the old Polish church in buck town and west to Damen where we crossed over Armitage. Here the hare was caught by ERIN GO BUFF and CHICKEN STIFFER and ERIN became the hare. We gave him only 5 more minutes and then the pack was back on trail but JUST TIM caught the here in less then 5-minutes and we had a virgin hare. The Pack had taken a detour due to a false trail and then the pack with JUST SHANIA, MALE HARRY and others caught up to the others of the waiting pack. JUST TIM laid a nice trail until he was caught by LIFA on the train tracks, and you guessed it he became the hare. Here the rain and a little cross trail markings began to hinder our little adventure but we had been out for about one hour of running already, so we began to run back towards the bar and get out of the inclement weather.
Back at the bar we saw JUST GENESIS, HORN-E, HARRY PUSSY and others because they decided to short cut trail and just run back to the bar because they lost trail? HORN-E was not being his usual annoying self but was extra annoying because he couldn’t get a beer when he wanted. Seems the hash cash was in the GM’s car along with 7-8 hashers bags and he had to get the hash bags first so HORN-E had to wait an extra five-minutes for his beer. The bar gave us the use of a private room in back for circle, which was great since the DJ was playing some loud music up front. CALVIN who joined us ran the circle and we gave mad props to UPLOADER who returned to us after his accident. LIFA gave him a Hash shirt and a TH3 cowbell, which was cool. What was really cool was seeing UPLOADER up and walking around with an assist from a cane, which was wonderful to see.
We said Hi to our visitors from Las Vegas and Munich. PICTURE ME NAKED from LV and BUTT UGLY and COMMANDO from MUNICH brought us good tidings from their respective hashes. JUST TIM and JUST JAMES were our virgins for today and JUST TIM even tried his hand at haring for a few minutes before he was caught glad to see you at the hash gentlemen and come back next week free of chargee!!! JUST SHANIA and JUST GENESIS got their 10-run whistles and lanyards today congrats on completing your ten runs. We even saw INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN hobble into the hash today dressed up in red for Valentine’s Day? We drank the bar out of bud lite and had to drink Goose Island beer for the rest of the night but at $7 a pitcher no one was complaining, well maybe Horn-e was about something? Next week is the Easter Hash at Virtual Hungs place so eat your Easter dinner early and make it to the hash at 2 pm.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Green Dress Hash
3.13.09 – 3.15.09
Incident Report

The Chicago Hash had a glorious time in St. Louis this past weekend. The weather was great; the host was great it was all first rate. Much silliness and drunkenness ensured at the Holiday Inn Convention Center last weekend and the CH3 made their presence known. The Chicago GM needs to point out a situation that took place on the train ride back from St. Louis that calls for immediate praise and recognition of hashers going above and beyond the call of hash duty to save their fellow hashers from certain death and boredom!

Incident as witnessed by Chicken Stiffer- CH3 Co-GM on March 15, 2009 ~ 5:30 pm

Fifteen Chicago hashers were enjoying a relaxing trip back to Chicago aboard Amtrak #304 in the snack/restaurant car, (Because this is not a bar car) when roughly around 5:00 pm we were informed that the train had run out of BEER!!!! and we were quickly finishing off all of the vodka and whiskey as well. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey came up with the idea of running off the train at the next station to secure more beer at a liquor store for the hash, but if you travel Amtrak you know the train only stops for roughly 30 Seconds in small towns like Alton so this idea was shot down. Chicken Stiffer than said to no one in particular that maybe if we called a taxi company in the next town we could get someone to deliver beer to the train? Here is where praise for two hashers needs to be administered.

Mount Schwiiiinga took it a step further and with her feminine charm and guile she made contact with a man via her IPhone, we will name Bill, who ran a taxi company in Pontiac, Il. She begged and pleaded for him to bring beer to the desperate hashers on the train, but he said no he wanted to watch the Men’s College Basketball Bracket program. Did this deter Mount Schwiiinga? NO!!!! She say that LIFA was debeerating from lack of beer and that Motor Whor-a was also slipping into the first stages of Alcohol deprivation. Mount Schwiiinga in her sweet innocent voice asked if he knew of a bar close to the train station that might deliver beer to the hashers. He told her that “The Engine Room” was 30 ft from the Pontiac Station. http://www.merchant circle.com/ business/ The.Engine. Room.815- 844-5146

The next player that enters our picture deserves recognition but will remain relatively nameless. He is one of those good Samaritans of the hash that we run into. Mount Schwiiiinga places a call to the bar and gets a hold of “Jon”. She convinces him we are indeed willing to pay for a case of beer on the condition he walks that LONG 30 ft. out of the bar to the station platform where Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey will be running off the train in a blue t-shirt and gray cap to make the exchange of worthless money for the gold, cold, nectar of the Gods. Meanwhile LIFA is withering away saying it will never work, never work and soon passes out from debeeration. Jon agreed to the exchange. The conductor walks thru and says 2 minutes till Pontiac and Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey makes ready for the dash. The train pulls into the station and Cheese dashes from the train and has “Beer in 30 seconds”, not bad for a new name? and is back on the train beer in arms. A beer IV is run for LIFA and Motor Whor-a is refreshed with a cold Budweiser. Both of their ashen faces returned to the rosy pinkness of healthy hashers.
The Conductor who did see this pulled Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey aside between cars for a chat and we were sure that the Chicago Hash was going to follow the route of the Big Humpers by being thrown off the Amtrak much like they were thrown of the Megabus. Cheese returns and informs us that the conductor said, “That was pretty slick!” Instead of a Megabus of Shame we were now riding a “Train of Triumph” the 12 hashers (apostles) in the snack car began to refer to Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey by his alternate name, “Cheesus”, for only Cheesus could draw beer from a place like Pontiac, Il.
Immediately hashers were calling for an impeachment trial of Erin Go Buff so we could rename Schwiiinga as the new CH3 GM. This talk will continue at the Lions Head Pub on March 19, 2009. The very least that will occur here is that Cheesus will receive the award for “2009 Best Beer Stop”, he deserves much more for saving his fellow hashers that were in dire need of thirst. Mount Schwiiinga could use this incident to spring board into the CH3 or TH3 GM spot this year. These two hashers deserve the hashes praise and thanks for saving poor LIFA from deaths doorway.
On a side note Glory Hole found his new love on Amtrak #304. She has a bubbly personality and was traveling the train after being recently released from St. Louis General Hospital. Glory Hole slyly arranged to meet her in the passenger car away from the hashers in the snack car. There he asked for and received this young ladies phone number which he graciously got from her on her discharge papers. Later Glory Hole was seen talking to Poultry, our pharmacist, asking questions like what are Lithium, Adderall, and Prozac for because they were on the discharge papers.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-Co-GM