Category: Tale of the Trail

Hash Trash: 4/13/08
Hares: Lower Whackoff
Venue: Gladstone Lounge

VIRGINS: Just Ben, Just Joan, Just Amanda
VISITORS: Dr. Anus
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Cums On I Lean, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Magnetic Muff, I like Dick, Just I Lean, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Just Steve, KGB, The Enema Canal, Virtually Hung, Or-G, Just Tim, Flying Hooters, Two Tickets to Pair-a-Thighs, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, Horn-E, Rotten Whore, BEST EFFORT: CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED (at a SOX GAME?)
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS= 1
TOTAL HASHERS= 26

Those of you that missed yesterday�s hash missed a trail that did very little pavement pounding. We all know that most of the CH3 hashes are pavement pounders but once in a while we get to go off road like we did today. LOWER WHACKOFF used copious amounts of flour to mark this trail and we even were questioned by Forest Preserve cops about seeing a possible Bow Hunter in the woods? I guess running like a deer would not have been a smart move today? We welcomed DR. ANUS and his bunny to the hash and the damned guy ran with it on his back all day. Today we had 3 new virgins that hashed with us JUST AMANDA, JUST JOAN, and JUST BEN made it out and had a great time with us. As we left the bar the denizens of place were getting ready for a Chili contest so we knew we had a free dinner when we got back thank God no one had Chili on the way out that could have been messy? JUST TIM raced in just before we got out on the street. LOWER WHACKOFF gave us hash directions and sent
us on our way North on Milwaukee. The leader of our merry pack was VIRTUALLY HUNG and OR-G they found trail wandering northeast until it hit the Chicago River area. We paralleled the river with VIRTUAL up front and TWO TICKETS being our front running bimbo.
The trail went down Central and back into the muck and mire of the Chicago River basin and HORN-E was now up front with the pack. We ran by the Edgewood golf course club house and came to a check. HORN-E went left but it was the wrong way. ITS TOO SOFT and I LIKE DICK spied some flour off in the distance of the woods but the trouble was it really was more like a swamp. DR. ANUS went tramping through the underbrush with THE ENEMA CANAL following his ANUSNESS closely. MOUTHFUL of MEAT, SUPER STUFFER, and JUST AMANDA were bringing up the rear. We found trail heading out of the woods near Peterson and Devon and we crossed the street only to find ourselves walking on more water with this LOWER WHACKOFF special trail. I LIKE DICK was particularly pleased with this trail because he praised LOWER WHACKOFF with each breath. I heard things like �THIS TRAIL SUCKS�, �DAMN MORE WATER�, and �THIS IS WORSE than A CALVIN TRAIL�!!! We cut out of the woods and crossed Peterson and ran
in a sub-division for a while here CUMMA SLUTRA was running with her buddy JUST BRIAN. JUST JOAN gave me a great break and said the trail was across the train tracks and I became the FRB and actually from there the beer stop was only a � mile away where MAGNETIC MUFF waited in her car with 60 cans of beer. When we got to the beer stop there were 7-8 cars backed into to their parking spots but when we left there were none I think they were intimidated by the hash. As I mentioned the Forest Preserve Police stopped by looking for some bow hunter but the only people that I saw hunting were FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TICKETS, our breast shields, seemed to be on the prowl for 23-year old police officers it was quite funny when they asked for his phone number and he said, �911�!! MOUNT ME was very displeased with these bimbo�s actions because it was flagrant disrespect of a police officer! The pack enjoyed their fine beers and went back out to central but our fearless ITS TOO SOFT
found a metal hoop in the woods that jumped out and tackled him on the concrete. ITS TOO SOFT had to auto hash back to the bar with MUFF, TWO TIKS, and HOOTERS.
We got back to the bar and everyone went straight to the Chili. We got some pitchers going and finished watching the CUBS who won in extra innings. VIRTUALLY HUNG took over the RA job today for CALVIN and ran the circle. OR-G and TWO TIKS were our FRB�s. The Non-runners were ROTTEN WHORE, JUST I LEAN, and CUM on I LEAN, who also played the part of Beer Mistress today. KGB was our DFL I think he actually came over from the second city hash today. ROTTEN WHORE proceeded to get a nice beer shower down the front of her shirt, are we not a little to old for a wet t-shirt contests? CUMMA SLUTRA and CUMS ON I LEAN got their 10-run lanyards and next week JUST BRIAN should get his, if he shows. The circle was short and sweet because there was chili to be had! I do not know about you but maybe this could be a good choice for best trail? Or better yet best ON-IN with free chili? After most of the hashers left FUJI, I, and JUST STEVE met up with BATTERIES and CALVIN in the
Green zone for a beer at Haligan�s. JUST STEVE on the ride in kept complaining about getting to the bar because �HE NEEDED BEER TO KILL HIS HEADACHE� See you next week for the 420 hash!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 4/6/08
Hares: Batteries not included, and Calvin Klein
Venue: Four Trey�s

VIRGINS: Just Andy, Just Lisa
VISITORS: Elmer Pudphucker
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Just Charlie, Just Tom, R-Tard-E, Just Pat, Magnetic Muff, Mount Schwiiinga, Cobwebs In the Bush, 8675309, Likes it on the Bottom, Sperm Diversion, I like Dick, Stab�em and Slab�em, Princess Labia, Just I Lean, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Coffee, Tea, or Me, Uploader, I�m Late Again, Just Steve, Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Lifa, KGB, Bloody Thighs, Chip-n-Dale, BEST EFFORT- Salty Gash, Packher Ass
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS= 1
TOTAL HASHERS= 37

A great recipe for hashing is take a new spring April day add 60-degree weather and you get a great hash with close to 40-hashers. Our hares today were the venerable CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. They took off with a good 20-minute head start for their live haring. This is not even close to the usually 5-10 minute head start most hares get, but maybe CALVIN is getting slow in his old age? The hash today saw many old faces rejoin the hash on such a beautiful day and we saw two new virgins as well. JUST LISA and JUST ANDY came to our hash because JUST Lisa�s friend hashes in Boise, Idaho!! We also welcomed back LIFA from the interhash and he was bearing gifts for some hashers! I�M LATE AGAIN, UPLOADER, COBWEBS IN THE BUSH, and LIKES IT ON THE BOTTOM also came back to the CH3 today and we were happy to have them back. The chalk talk was done by yours truly but I did have a memorable moment dropping an F-Bomb when a family was walking by. The trail started
across the street and MOUNT SCWIIINGA was right on it with I LIKE DICK close behind. The trail went west and south for a while and UPLOADER was sniffing the trail out with SPERM DIVERSION scouting in front. ELMER PUDPHUCKER was having a great time running the trail with STAB�EM and KGB. I�m glad we were able to give him a semi-decent day to run on in Chicago. The trail here came back North and crossed over Addison and went west. JUST CHARLIE seemed to find trail today even though he was running with a dislocated shoulder from the Thursday Hash. The back of the pack saw the dog walkers today with COBWEBS in THE BUSH and JUST STEF bringing along their furry friends to the hash. 8675039, now part of the POP crew was out early today with the planning committee getting ready to show us a good time on July 12. COFFEE, TEA, or ME was out with Just Hannah? I believe. We crossed the Addison Bridge over the Chicago River and went north again.
We quickly found what has to be he last chunk of snow from the winter North of Brother Rice High School. We went North still crossing Irving Park Road until Magnetic Muff found trail crossing over the Montrose bridge back to the East. We meandered through the neighborhoods and CHIP-N-DALE along with SPERM DIVERSION found the Beer stop at Margie�s. CALVIN and BATTERIES found us a hole in the wall bar that even had the CUBS game on. We stayed at the beer stop for about � hour and watched the CUBS defeat the ASSSSTROs. It seems like our new virgins were having a good time and should be back sometime soon!! We were soon out and ran straight south on Damen back to the bar.
CALVIN got the circle going while MOUNT SCHWIIINGA and I�M LATE AGAIN kept the hash with full pitchers. Our FRB was SPERM DIVERSION and the FBI was MAGNETIC MUFF? CHICKEN STIFFER got a lot of lost property returned to him today. VIRGIN BANGER and RENTA VIRGIN showed up with a new pup so we had 3 dogs at this hash. The Virgin dog is a definite hash dog because it loved to drink beer, AWESOME!! JUST BRIAN is slowly approaching his 10th hash along with CUMMA SLUTRA and you know what that means, LANYARDS and whistles!! The circle went on for some time and then CALVIN got hungry so he closed the circle.
After the circle was closed we had three hashers that needed a naming so we sent JUST STEF, JUST TOM, and JUST PAT to the other part of the bar. The hash got together and throw out a bunch of suggestions things like Stubby, Pipe Blower, Triple D, Serves the Hard Rock, Lie on a lady, Blow me were heard in the FOUR TREY�s but JUST PAT�S name is now 3 x A LADY, JUST STEF is now CUMS ON I LEAN, and JUST TOM is now BAG SQUEEZER!!! Next week the hash is up in the 5600 north block of Milwaukee at the Gladstone Lounge. Be watchful of the POLISH CONSTITUION DAY HASH on May 5 and Memorial Day hash on May 25. If you want to travel come to Indy on May 17 or Waukesha on May 10th.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 3/30/08
Hares: I Like Dick, Just I Lean
Venue: Shenanagin’s

VIRGINS: Just Neil, Just Mike, Just Mike, Just Matt
VISITORS:
HASHERS- Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Just Brian, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mouthful of Meat, Just Charlie, Just Tom, PackHer Ass, Ballsalotapus, Or-GE, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Cum in My Assfault, Just Rob, Just Rob II, Super Stuffer, Just Pat, Odor Eater, Just Teresa, Magnetic Muff,
VIRGINS= 4
VISTORS= 0
TOTAL HASHERS= 32

Many members of the CH3 went down to Grant Park to run the Shamrock shuffle today. SALTY, PACKHER, CALVIN, ROTTEN, ITS TOO SOFT, CHICKEN, OR-G, ODOR, JUST TOM, and MAGNETIC MUFF all ran some respectable times. After the race the whole group enjoyed the second year of beer in a box. OR-G, I, and SALTY went around begging for beer coupons from runners who were not going to use them and we had over 150 coupons for free beer. By the time we got to the hash at 2 pm we were very wasted. 32-hasers showed up to hash today nice job!!

JUST I LEAN and I LIKE DICK were our hares for today and laid three trails a walking trail, a jogging trail, and running trail. The pack slowly arrived at the bar and we even had a 4×4 try to park on the division street sidewalk to hash with us. The hares gave the chalk talk and the pack was gone with OR-G leading it. The trail wound around the lakefront and worked its way back to SUPER STUFFER’s place where he and MOUTHFUL of MEAT waited for the pack to arrive. JUST I LEAN proceeded to throw a can of beer to the GM, which hit him in the eye. Thank God the beer was cold so I used it as an ice pack. The Beer stop was superb and the pack enjoyed the beer and then took off for the bar.

CALVIN KLEIN led circle from the dance floor perch at the bar. He greeted our new virgins JUST NEIL, JUST MIKE & MIKE, and JUST MATT. ROTTEN WHORE was a big NON-RUNNER along with ODOR. The FRB was OR-G? And FBI CUMMA SLUTRA? CALVIN had a great old time running circle he even called out SUPER STUFFER and sang to him while he flipped the boy upside down!! The circle brought in SALTY and PACKHER ASS for outstanding running times at the Shamrock and JUST ROB II drank for being a reboot.

By this time I was way to unsober to remember much of the night. I do remember that after the circle ROTTEN WHORE, BATTERIES, CUMMA SLUTRA, and Even R-TARD-E tried to pole dance on the bar but R-Tard-E didn’t have the body for the pole so he was dismissed. The other Pole dancers entertained the hashers and all the other denizens of the bar. JUST PAT and ASSFAULT played a little one on one? People get your mind out of the gutter there was a basketball court in the bar. It looked like all had a good time so we will see you next week!!! Hopefully 60-degree weather SUNDAY!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

________

Hash Trash: 3/23/08
Hares: Virtually Hung, Cum In My Assfault
Venue: Virtually Hungs Casa

VIRGINS: Just Nora
VISITORS:
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Cumma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Just I LEAN, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, 8675309, Mouthful of Meat, Just Charlie, Just Tom, Bloody Thighs, Stab�em and Slab�em, Lockness Cockster, Just Pat, Special Ed Giver, PackHer Ass, KGB, Happy Ass Grabber, Just Mike, Mr. Cheese Cake, CP, Mudsucker
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS= 0
TOTAL HASHERS= 30

Last year saw the Easter Hash at Virtually Hungs place and 15 people showed, this year we doubled that to 30 hashers at casa Virtually Hung. Next year should we expect 45? The day was great for hashing with 45-degrees and Sunny and many hashers like WRAPPER SNATCHER, ASSFAULT, BLOODY THIGHS and others had on cute bunny tails when they ran. The chalk talk was completed in the alley behind VIRTUALLY HUNG�s place and the pack was off. CALVIN KLEIN was soon leading the pack east towards the lake with the LOCKNESS COCKSTER close behind. Mr. CHEESECAKE was out there somewhere but after the first missed check he caught trail heading east to Lakeshore Drive. The pack was stumped with a check on Lakeshore and Argyle until HAPPY ASS GRABBER and JUST PAT found the trail going north. Soon the whole pack like SALTY and PACKhER ASS were following the trail west but this was after there was a big long false trail that most of the pack hit. The trail went through the north side
neighborhoods until it ended at BLOODY THIGHS place. JUST NORA our virgin was the first woman in and the pack enjoyed a fine Special Export beer at the house of BLOODY THIGHS. We sat on our butts for 15 minutes and then it was getting cold so we ran back the couple of blocks to where we had more beer and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT was making us some food.
Back at the home of VIRTUALLY HUNG we made the circle in the basement where CALVIN lead the circle in some songs? HAPPY talked about what does and does not happen after you get married to MILK MY YAK. The hares were punished numerous times for the crappy trail? But great food. KGB, 8675309, Mr. CHEESECAKE, and others were reboots. CP is now considered a visitor to the CH3, and MUDSUCKER missed the circle completely. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED announced that we now have a Hash Bar Wiki so hares can find bars in their neighborhood that are hash friendly. JUST STEFF and JUST I LEAN had to take off early so Steff could make her way to Madison via the bus at Midway. Eventually the circle closed and people began to go upstairs for food and more beer!! JUST BRIAN and JUST CHARLIE had a good time talking with CP. CP seemed to turn a little red during their conversations over what I have no idea. ITS TOO SOFT again was snapping all the pictures he could get before the hash
was over. Hope to see you next week at the SHAMROCK SHUFFLE POST HASH.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 3/2/08
Hares: Rotten Whore, Odor Eater
Venue: Rottens Place

VIRGINS: Just Stephanie, Just Pops, Just Janet
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Magnetic Muff, Just Ryan, Moldy Man Sac, Lifa, 8675309, Mouthful of Meat, Up Loader, R-Tard-E, Just Tara, Just Charlie, Just Tim, Just Andy, Just Kevin, Just Kristen
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=1
TOTAL HASHERS= 35

The day after hash ball was billed as a hangover hash and the GM came fully prepared to meet those conditions. I don�t know what the rest of you were thinking but shouldn�t all of you have come late to the hash with a raging headache and shaking knees? The day had 50-degree weather and with nice weather out comes the hashers, 35 hashers to be exact. I really can�t comment about the trail because I was on a bus making my way south, but I did hear that many people missed the beer stop? Good thing the hash ball had left an over keg for hashers at the on-in. I made it right in time for the circle run by our own CALVIN KLEIN. He quickly punished the hares, ROTTEN WHORE and ODOR EATER. Our FRB was I don�t fucking know and our FBI was I don�t fucking know because I was still drunk. I do know that we had three virgins show up that laughed their asses off at our hash songs. JUST POPS, JUST STEPHANIE, and JUST JANET cannot wait to come back next week. JUST TARA gets a shout
out for inviting them to the hash. JUST I LEAN finally turned 23 today and if you haven�t seen him we have renamed him TOM CRUISE��� Not!!!!! It was nice to see MOLDY MAN SAC and 8675309 make it out today I guess a warm Sunday without football is all we need to get him to hash. Please do not tell him about Arena Football. MILK MY YAK was pouring beer today for the hash. If you haven�t heard MILK MY YAK has been officially fired from the Haberdashery, but was been retained by the CH3 Mismanagement as the official Brew Master of the CH3 due to his supreme efforts of making tasty beer for the hash ball. CUMMA SLUTCHA and JUST BRAIN (our plumber) made it out today and even found time to down a few slices of Pizza, which I have been told is the largest pizza hashers have every seen in Chicago. That ZA was 22 inches strong I�m sure not as big as ITS TOO SOFT but close. Eventual the circle was closed and most came inside to await the arrival of that large pie. Well I hope
to see you out next week and check out the Green Dress Hash link if you are still thinking about joining 18 CH3 hashers in St. Louis.

http://www.big-hump.com/content.php?Green+Dress+2008

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 2/24/08
Hares: Peterbilt
Venue: Nick’s Bar

VIRGINS: Just Charlie, Just Tara
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Stab’em and Slab’em, Bloody Thighs, Frosted Discharge, Just Steve, Mount Me Puh’lzee, KGB, Locheness Cockster, Two Tickets too a Pair Thighs, coffee, Tea, or me, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mud Sucker, Baby Coffee
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 31.5

This hash was billed as the PETERBILT 30th Anniversary of Hashing of Feb. 24, 2008. Peterbilt gets much thanks for this hash because afterwards you could only hear the gently movement of hashers jaws gnawing on a fine buffet feast provided by PB of the CH3 hash. PB showed up about 20 minutes late but this seemed to work for HORN-E because he also arrived late to the hash today or if you look at it from another way he arrived right on time.

PB ran his quick circle and gave our virgins some quick hints on how to follow trail maybe JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA got it but we soon would find out on trail. The trail ran quickly across the railroad tracks and MILK MY YAK, COFFEE, TEA, or ME, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS who were pushing baby COFFEE in her buggy followed the pack. The pack was soon lost after a check in a park. VIRTUALLY HUNG went east and TWO TICKETS ranged southwest, but finally MUDSUCKER found the true trail cumming back on itself. The trail ran along the tracks from there and then went south.

It looked like JUST PAT was up front today splashing through puddles and slipping on the ice to get there. WRAPPER SNATCHER looks like she is finally getting used to the cold weather we have here in Chicago or maybe she was just happy that the weather was sunny and 45 degrees today. After a back check the GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER found true trail again going east. The pack again came to another one PB’s fifty checks on trail and very soon we had two harriers calling ON ON so I stopped the pack and told them to wait until one of them found the false trail mark which JUST BRIAN did. LIFA this time made the correct choice and was on along with JUST ROB who was in tow. Next, guess what the pack found on trail another check!!

This time the VIRTUALLY HUNG and I found trail crossing back over the train tracks and going NW. VIRTUALLY HUNG was even smart enough to bypass a blatant back check nice going young man. The trail ran into PARK RIDGE and the famous PICK WICK theatre area. Here the trail went down Dempster and then north to what was supposedly a BN sign but it took BLOODY THIGHS and STAB’EM and SLAB’EM, the brains or the outfit, to notice it really was B 11 or back check eleven. We picked up trail again and seemed to be moving back towards the bar. JUST PAT found true trail going along the tracks and we were back at the bar but not before we ran into JUST STEF and JUST I LEAN walking down the trail.

Back at the bar everyone was antsy to get the circle rolling and eat PB’s food and nuts. MUDSUCKER was seen hovering around the food all circle long. CALVIN called him into the circle for that. TWO TICKETS and VIRTUALLY HUNG were our FRB’s today for finding most of the trail. ITS TOO SOFT got his down-down for saying hash ball was MARCH 10th on the hareline. KGB and FROSTED DISCHARGE were naturally called in for missing in action over 2 months.

SALTY GASH and PACKHER ASS along with BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED were constantly giggling and talking in the corner of the bar. So they had to drink. CALVIN introduced our virgins JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA to the hash and informed them what a down-down was. JUST STEVE, one of our newer hashers better buy some hash attire soon or he will be called out for no hash attire. All through the circle PB kept us a countdown until the food was ready. We heard 28.3 minutes, quarter of an hour, and then finally the food was ready so

CALVIN quickly sang swing low and the circle was closed. The next 30 minutes saw unbridled gnawing on food by the hash until no one could eat anymore. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK AT THE HASH BALL

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 2/17/08
Hares: Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
Venue: Kelly�s Pub

VIRGINS: Just Steve
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, R-Tard-E, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Ez on the Ass, Just Tom, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Mount Schwiiinga, Flying Hooters, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Rotten Whore, Peterbilt, Just I LEAN, Are they Real,
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 29

Those of you who missed the hash on Sunday missed 50-degree weather and very little rain. CALVIN and BATTERIES laid a live trail due to the possible rain showers, which never really materialized. The hash started from the fine Kelly�s Pub at 2:30 pm I explained the hash marks to our virgins and JUST STEVE seemed to understand the marks. After the quick explanation the hash was off. The trail went west and EZ ON THE ASS was finding and jumping into every puddle on trail. JUST I LEAN also was having fun on trail playing monkey boy. He was climbing up and over every fence and pole he could find. It was cute to see R-TARD- E and JUST STEF arm in arm walking the trail. Maybe we have a new hash couple? VIRTUALLY HUNG was the outright FRB today with ITS TOO SOFT snapping pictures to prove it. We welcomed back the WRAPPER SNATCHER who has made Chicago her home. PACKhER ARSE also came out to run today and she seemed to be finding trail easily today. The trail ran by
the 2122 N. Clark address where the Valentines Day Massacre occurred and eventually wound up at O-Malleys for the beer stop.
JUST TOM at the beer stop seemed to help EZ get the bartenders phone number she must have been blind. The pack was soon out of the bar and back at Kelly�s Pub where they ran into ROTTEN WHORE, PETERBILT, MILK MY YAK, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS. CALVIN soon got the circle going and called MOUNT SCHWIIIGA into the circle for wearing pink boots!! The Hash welcomed JUST STEVE into the CH3 family as well today. Hopefully we will see him back next week. CUMMA SLUTCHA was called into the circle for her constant chatter along with WRAPPER SNATCHER whose teeth were chattering from the cold. HORN-E was back in the corner with a hidden stash of beer along with SLUTCHA. CALVIN took mercy on us and ran a shorter than usual circle because we were outside and it was a little chilly out. We got back into the bar and got warm watching the Daytona 500. Soon the circle was reconvened and we had a naming to take care of. Several older hashers got together up front and discussed JUST
MOLLY�s name. Eventually ROTTEN WHORE suggested GIDDY UP and now we have a name for JUST MOLLY. Welcome to the hash GIDDY-UP!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

VIRGINS:

VISITORS: 3 Ring Cervix, Token Sucker, Port a Pussy

HASHERS- Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, R-Tard-E, Uploader, Just Rob, Just Tyrone, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Lifa, Magnetic Muff, Just Seri, Wrapper Snatcher
VIRGINS= 0
VISTORS=3
TOTAL HASHERS= 21

Today the GM had a snow day so I took care of some business downtown, and on the El I ran into HOT PANTS. He seems to be doing well and hopefully will be at the hash on Thursday. This past Sunday we saw JUST I LEAN and JUST STEPHANIE on her 2nd hash actually hare. The trail was tough to lay due to the very wet conditions and heavy foot traffic. Even the colored marks were being removed by the heavy foot traffic but the pack prevailed and found the beer stop.

3 RING CERVIX was near the front of the trail most of the time and many of the male hashers liked to watch that hot assed harrierette up there. LIFA seemed to play the part of the good wise old father guiding the pack towards its destination. UPLOADER ran like this shit was nothing due to the fact he has seen more snow in the past year then we have for the last four, damn Madison transplant. 3 RING CERVIX was all worried like an expectant mom when her two little babies on trail TOKEN SUCKER and WRAPPER SNATCHER didn’t make it to the beer stop on time.

It seems that JUST TYRONE had to use his GPS navigation system to find the beer!! The trail seriously was wet and good, and people with small brain cells like JUST ROB and HORN-E ran it in their shorts? Not only were they cold but also their legs must have been soaked? Overall we had a great time out there with all hashers accounted for and then we made it back to the bar and eventual ITS TOO SOFTS place to watch the SUPER BOWL with 98 million of our closet friends, and who said football is dumb? WE did make it back to the bar and TJ the owner of the bar had $5 pitchers waiting for us. CALVIN and BATTERIES were too tired to run after playing kickball in the morning with 10 other hashers?!?!?!

When we got back to the bar CALVIN did his thing in the circle and called out those non-running people like PUSSY PATROL and JUST SERI for their laziness. WE also had a small titty war between BATTRIES and our visitors from SAN DIEGO. SUPER STUFFER was the only one who voted this night, don’t worry folks you will have your chance next week to vote.

WE also had 10 people sign up for the Hash Ball so get your money in before the price goes up this weekend. MAGNETIC MUFF for some reason never got the nerve to do a naked run today although I’m sure she would have found some takers? Mercifully CALVIN ended the circle so the hash could retire to the PARTY CENTRAL to watch the game.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

__________________________

Hash Trash: 1/27/08
Hares: Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joes on Weed

VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Stepanie, Just Taraneh
VISITORS:
HASHER- Just Rob, Just I LEAN, R-Tard-E, Super Stuffer, Chicken Stiffer, Dykey Old Hooker, Batteries not included, Mouthful of Meat, Mount Me Please, Just Balz, Horn-e, Frosted Discharge, Just Saud, Chip-n-dale, Its Too Soft, PackHer Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, KGB, Just Tyrone, Virgin Banger, Peterbilt, Just Jenn, Just Luke
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 28

The Birthday hash commenced on a fine spring day of 45-degrees? CALVIN KLEIN and JUST ROB explained the marks to our new virgins JUST STEPANIE, JUST TARANEH, and JUST ROB. The pack was in for a longer hash then usually even though CALVIN was hung over from the shots VIRGIN BANGER bought for him the night before. We welcomed back DYKEY OLD HOOKER from Florida and I hear that she is making Chicago a more permanent home, which is excellent news for the Chicago Hash. The chalk talk was over and the hash was off. JUST I LEAN and I went left on Kingsbury but the trail went right and I believe SUPER STUFFER was on. The trail wound around Old Navy and crossed North Avenue. JUST TYRONE stepped out into traffic playing the traffic cop for us and holding back the traffic.

R-TARD-E kept the virgins company at the end of the trail while the middle of the pack-running north Down Kingsbury was made of MOUTHFUL OF MEAT and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. JUST ROB II found trail going west on Armitage and the pack was soon across the river. The pack got to a check and I went left and CHIP-N-DALE followed me, why I do not know because I was not on because true trail cut right. BALZ was near the front of the pack at this time as well. The trail soon passed an accident at Armitage and Ashland so MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE felt compelled to play traffic cop and hand out tickets to the offender. CHIP-N-DALE and I were off after a check with JUST ROB in tow. JUST ROB and I found a check on Milwaukee Ave. He went west and I took off south down Milwaukee Ave. I found the marks near division and was off on trail. The trail crossed back over the river at Division and we were back to the bar.

Calvin soon had the circle going and had to punish himself and JUST ROB for a shitty trail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RA punish themselves before. JUST ROB II was called in for the whitest legs at the hash but JUST TYRONE thought he had ROB beat. JUST SAUD, MOUNT ME, FROSTED DISCHARGE and KGB were our reboots and we do miss our missing in action hashers.

PETERBILT brought his roasted nuts and sat down for a cold one. PACKHER ASS got a chivalry down down for saving the GM’s faux pas for wearing his shirt inside out. ITS TOO SOFT drank all the beer as usual and shot a wad of film. SUPER STUFFER feigned sickness and had his woman drink his down-down for him. What a whimp! JUST BALZ decided to drink a full pitcher down-down; maybe we will call him “no suck all swallow”. MOUNT SCHWIINGA was unusually quiet today but our haberdashery artist was there along with our t-shirt God VIRGIN BANGER. Eventually CALVIN closed the circle and people went on their way.

A few hashers stayed behind like JUST JENN to talk and drink. We got to talking about the song “Jenny I’ve got your number”, and she informed us that she sometimes gave out the number 867-5309 as her own to unwanted guys at bars. The GM picked up on this along with the RA and HARERAZRS so we have now named JUST JENNY, 867-5309. See you next week and check out the hash counts on line for 2007.

HASH COUNTS

Hash attendance

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM