Category: Chicken Stiffer

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1494 @ The Beamont

Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Beaumont’s 2020 N. Halsted

VIRGINS: Just Evan, Just Lauren II, Just Dale
HASHERS: Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, 69-Cent Man, Just Chris, Just Kess, Just Carrie, Just Jenn, Princess Labia, Boner Malfunction, My Little Pony Pack-Her Arse, Just Bessie, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Just Kelly, Just John, Its Too Soft, Mud Sucker, Chip-n-Dale, Debbie Does Doctors, Mr. Cheesecake, Pussy Galore, DGAS, Mount-me Puh’lzee, Coffee-Tea Or Me, Barks on al Fours, Peterbilt, Man O Whore, Just Nick, Mount Schwinga
VISITORS: OCCUPIED, KITTY LITTER-JOLLY ROGER HASH TAMPA, DGAS
Virgins=3
Total Hashers= 40

The hash was billed as a farewell to PUSSY GALORE hash and the Chicago Hash came through. 40 hashers showed up to pay their respects and say good-bye to the best Pussy in the hashing world. If you want to see her now you will have to make that trip to Barbados where the weather is warm and the rum is wet. The Hash began at 2020 N. Halsted at Beaumonts, a usual hash friendly Bar. Where our famous bartender watches our bags while we hash. The Chicago hash is really getting young with several of the new hashers like JUST CARRIE, MY LITTLE PONY, JUST BESS, JUST JENNY, JUST CHRIS, JUST JOHN, and PACK HER ARSE, and JUST KELLY bringing young blood to the hash. We really are a group of hashers in the 25-35 year-old age range now. CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED arrived early to take advantage of the $5 pitchers but they were not earlier than CHICKEN STIFFER who met our visitor KITTY LITTER for drinks around 6 pm, thank God I already had laid trail. The Hash weather and location had much to do with our turn out of 40 hashers. Remember people if you want hashers to show make it public transportation convenient and parking friendly. Many people did park at Lincoln Park High School including our visitor and PRINCESS LABIA.

The hash went out at 7:30 pm and took over a piece of sidewalk where I gave the chalk talk. During the chalk talk MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE arrived with COFFEE, TEA or ME and BARKS ON ALL FOURS and he asked in a loud voice where is the beer stop?? DO you think I’m really going to tell the whole hash where the beer stop is at you fool? After CALVIN took over introductions, the pack ran south to the corner where there was a split, HORN-E went east and JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY went south. HORN-E went the right way but soon ran right by the next mark and was lost within a minute of starting the hash go figure? I watched JUST BESS and pack run by the Armitage corner and turn down an alley soon they ran by the same corner again because this was the first of many circle jerks on trail. The pack came to a check at LPHS and CHIP-N-DALE found the false trail leading into Oz Park but BATTERIES found true trail going down and alley was soon joined by MR. CHEESECAKE in leading the pack to the Fire Station on Larabee. The sizable pack of 35+ soon found the back check and KITTY LITTER with JUST LAUREN found trail going through the city garden behind the fire station and went south down Larabee. The back of the pack was made up of MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST KELLY, PACK-HER ARSE, and JUST LAUREN. I was sweeping and helping our virgins JUST DALE and JUST LAUREN II find their way down to Lincoln Park. I did not see much of the pack until I got to Old Party Central, but heard that many hashers were mad about the long false trail they found at my home in the hopes of it being the beer stop? I was told that BONER MALFUNCTION was mad but OCCUPIED said the F means false trail right? The pack had to back track and find their way to the real beer stop at Old Party Central where they were treated to semi-cool beer?

MR. CHEESECAKE hung the hash flag on party centrals gate so the surrounding people would know who was there. JUST JOHN and JUST JENNY were happy to be back hashing with us and they wore their haberdashery with pride!!! The beer was soon gone and the trail went thru the DePaul campus with and interesting squeeze between one of the dorms and a fence.

MAGNETIC MUFF led the pack thru here and back to the bar. We arrived at the bar and PETERBILT was there with DGAS and later the other non-runners showed in MUDSUCKER and MAN O WHORE. The hash was enjoying fine beer for a few minutes before the circle was to commence. 69-CENT MAN set up shop and was providing numerous pieces of running literature to the hash but he did not know when Polish Constitution Day was next year? HORN-E was seen cornering apprehensive virgins and veteran hashers to promote his naked hash? CALVIN got the circle of 40 hashers going and suitable punishments were given out. The Hare was punished for warm beer and JUST KELLY was punished again for missing last week’s hash along with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. PUSSY GALORE finally got her lanyard and whistle as her goodbye gift. DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS was a reboot. COFFEE and MOUNT ME were congratulated for their next little hasher. The hash flash ITS TOO SOFT with his quick draw camera covered the whole night. The circle was soon closed but the party and dancing went on till 1:30 am and we owe thanks to JUST NICK for the free pizzas and numerous free Labatts pitchers. Many hashers like TRIPLE D paid the price the next day for the numerous beers the night before. See you next week!!! And check out http://www.chicagohash.com/ to see the pictures of all the young new hashers whooping it up at the hash!!!

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1493 @ Case de Puke and Single Wide

Hares: Puke Suit Riot, Single Wide Mobile Ho

VIRGINS: Just Chris, Just Bess
HASHERS: Magnetic Muff, Just Lauren, Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Mr. Cheesecake, My Little Pony, Canned Pussy, Mount Schwinga, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Its too Soft, Smell This, Lower Whackoff
VISITORS: Happy Meal-GM BVDH3 Melbourne Florida
Virgins=2
Hares= 2
Total Hashers= 18

The Chicago Hash after having a successful May seeing 30+ hashers at each hash got nailed by hashers whining, “I’m not coming to the hash because its raining”. You people missed a great trail, circle and cookout, and guess what it never rained after 6:30 pm. PUKE SUIT RIOT, the hare, was smart and laid the trail live which gave us easy marks to follow because it didn’t RAIN!!! I met our visiting GM, HAPPY MEAL, who flew in from Florida to hash with us early. We had a few beers before we ran trail, Blue Moons for $3 nice!!! SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO gave us a chalk talk for the virgins benefit and then we were off going north. Many of the virgins were heard saying just FOLLOW THE HASH FLAG!! We traveled North with MR. CHEESECAKE and HORN-E leading the pack on. The trail went in a NE direction and our hash virgin, JUST CHRIS was getting the hang of finding trail and began checking after splits and checks nice job!!!! The trail angled back to the east and passed by Wrigley Field home of the mighty, mighty CUBS!!! It is here where HORN-E and I got lost after a check. I found trail again and caught up to CP, JUST LAUREN, and HAPPY MEAL by the Addison red line stop but HORN-E wasn’t seen until the on–in go figure?? I hooked up with the three ladies and we worked together finding trail back through the Lakeview neighborhood to the home of PUKE SUIT and SWMH!!

The ON-IN was the backyard of PUKE SUIT who took it upon himself to put up a tent in case it would have rained. The pack made it back here with little or no trouble. JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY in from MH3 said they had a blast but the fun had not even begun yet!!! They were plenty of snacks and beer for the ravenous hashers to replenish their fluids and energy provided by the hares. The circle was convened and Mr. CHEESE CAKE was the FRB. During the Circle HORN-E was seen climbing over the back fence even though the trail came through the front yard so he was named the DFL. JUST LAUREN drank a down-down for the missing JUST KELLY who bugged out because it was raining?!!?? ! Our visitor, HAPPY MEAL gave the hash a nice big flash. To bad LOWER WHACKOFF missed it because he was on the wrong side of the circle. MILK MY YAK got his down-down for being a non-running wienie. The circle progressed and I turned around and there was SMELL THIS in business attire, and finally or hash flash showed up, ITS TOO SOFT. The circle was soon closed and we ate PUKE SUITS hot dogs that he was kind enough to grill!!! MAGNETIC MUFF is haring a moon hash in a week and MOUNT SCHWINGA will be haring her first hash on JUNE 25 so support her in a few weeks. Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1491 @ Dunn Inn

Hash Trash: 5/21/07
Hare: Magnetic Muff, Canned Pussy
Venue: Dunn’s Inn 3456 N. Pulaski

HASHERS: Just Kelly, 69-cent Man, Chicken Stiffer, Milk-My-Yak, Chip-n-Dale, Mount Schwinga, Just Carrie, Flying Hooters, Just Amy, Virgin Banger, Occupied, Pussy Galore, Erect-Da-Red, Smell This, Hot Pants, Horn-E, Just Jon, Just Jenny, Lower Whackoff, Spotted Cock, Mudsucker, Soar Balls, PeterBilt, Little Red Ride Me Good, Assflack???

TOTAL HASHERS=28
VISITOR= Little Red Ride Me Good, Occupied

The hash began at Dunn’s Inn an Irish Bar on Pulaski just south of Addison. We were very happy to see three virgins return to the hash. JUST JON and JUST JENNY walked up just before we started hashing and JUST CARRIE made it with 15 minutes to spare, glad to see you back!!! The Hares gave a quick chalk talk and explained the marks to the visitor LITTLE RED RIDE ME GOOD, in from the DC hash. The Trail went north and it jogged west. The HASH FLAG was in the lead. CHIP-N-DALE also remained at the cranium of the pack most of the hash. FLYING HOOTERS was seen racing for her wine at the beer stop or should I say wine stop?? The trail crossed north of Addison and 69-CENT MAN found the true trail after a check meandering around a CPS elementary school. VIRGIN BANGER was heard more than seen huffing and puffing along the trail, I know he loves the warmer weather for the Asthma problem. The newbie’s plus MOUNT SCHWINGA and PUSSY GALORE were doing some serious check hanging near the expressway and Irving Park. The trail was found by CHICKEN STIFFER going west down Irving Park and crossed back over IP going south. The trail ran south and west through the tree lined neighborhoods and came to the Metra line. The trail went up and over the live line and entered a park through a break in the fence on the opposite side. ERECT-DA-RED hacked his way through the dense undergrowth with Viking like chopping motions. He cleared a path for hashers like MILK-MY-YAK and SPOTTED COCK to follow. The trail finally jogged towards familiar territory near the metra line and Belmont otherwise known as CP-Hood. The Beer stop was at the home of the beloved CP.

JUST AMY and JUST KELLY were talking about some big polish sausage that JUST AMY had the other night, whatever that was supposed to mean. A very cute 40 lbs bulldog visited the hash at this point but this was not a Big Dogs hash today??? LOWER WHACKOFF and JUST CARRIE were enjoying a fine lite beer and soon the pack was off again. Most of us simply went east on Belmont and then North on Pulaski to the ON-IN where we ran into HORN-E blowing his horn? The hash was treated to $6 pitchers and we even had visits from SMELL THIS and HOT PANTS who were waiting for us back at the bar. Later still were the DFL’s of PETERBILT, MUDSUKER, SOAR BALLS and even ASSFLACK snuck in through the back door?? SMELL THIS and I took over the duties of RA and proceeded to give out some down-downs for bad behavior. PUSSY GALORE got one for complaining it was too cold 80-degree weather come on!!! 69-cent MAN got one for pushing his geezer jock magazines, and numerous others were given out in the name of fun and the hash. The circle ended and SMELL THIS and the hash went off to try and get a piece.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1490 @ Kelly’s on Webster

Hash Trash: 5/14/07
Hare: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Kelly’s Pub 949 W. Webster

HASHERS: PETERBILT, CALVIN KLEIN, IT’S TOO SOFT, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, JUST LORI, JUST
ASHLEY, FLYING HOOTERS, TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR A THIGHS, CANNED PUSSY, SMELL
THIS, LOWER WHACKOFF, JUST JON, JUST STEVEN, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, EZ ON THE ASS,
VIRTUALLY HUNG, MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST AMY, JUST KELLY, MR. CHEESE CAKE, HORN-E,
FIST N CLITS(HOOKED ON TONICS, WHATEVER), CAPTAIN CRUNCH (DC HAHSER), PUSSY
GALORE, JUST CARRIE , VIRGIN BANGER, JUST JENNY, JUST PETER, JUST KEVIN

TOTAL HASHERS=30
VIRGINS= 5
VISITOR= CAPT. CRUNCH

The Hash started from a new bar in the DePaul Neighborhood. Kelly’s is located just east of the Sheffield & Webster corner and has a beer garden in the back and for future reference it has 20 parking spaces next to the building located under the EL tracks, you just have to have your car out by midnight. The pack got a chalk talk at 7:30 pm in front of the bar and numerous patrons were interested in what we were doing. VIRGIN BANGERS business cards sure came in handy because we were able to pass many of them out to DePaul students this night. CHICKEN STIFFER gave the chalk talk but was competing with the EL trains overhead in a battle of who could be the loudest. I lost. The first mark was a check and the pack was off. HORN-E went east and was lost CALVIN went south but took the incorrect split. FLYING HOOTERS and TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR THIGHS though were all over the first check and found true trail. The trail went through the alleys and jogged right towards the DePaul campus and courtyard. CAPTAIN CRUNCH was seen trying to pick the correct route after the next check and even found the short cut to the next part of the trail. Unfortunately he missed the mark that sent the trail across the street and had to send the pack back to the last mark. The trail crossed Fullerton and went east down an alley behind the closed Blockbuster. Here the hare heard EZ on the ASS whine about no one calling out a check but he was DFL at this point so who cares. The pack wound its way around the old party central and PUSSY GALORE didn’t even take the short cut that the hare was offering her, Way to go girl!! CP, JUST PETER, and JUST STEVEN did follow the hare and stayed in the alley behind old party central. The pack went east again and found itself at a split on Lincoln. VIRTUALLY HUNG found the correct split and soon was heard blowing his own whistle behind Children’s Research facility where MOUTHFUL OF MEAT works.

Together with MR. CHEESECAKE, VIRTUALLY HUNG found that the trail cut between two houses with little more that 12 inches to slip through to get to the next alley. PUSSY GALORE was heard to say, “I can’t go through there!!” JUST ASHLEY just in from Purdue was seen jogging with her sister, JUST LORI, were those two twins?? The front of the pack next hit the major 7-mark check back, which allowed he tail to catch the head of the pack. CALVIN found the hidden mark on the school ground and quickly hopped the fence to continue trail. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED kept up her usually pace and lopped along. The trail went east towards Clark Street but cut behind an alley. Here the ladies of the pack found some of the best looking Chicagoans drinking swill and sleeping behind the stores of Clark Street. I hope nobody stepped on that guy sleeping by the dumpster. JUST AMY and JUST KELLY informed me later that they were startled by this toothless wonder. The trail ran into the Lagoon area of Lincoln Park, and the hare called out to hey yellow t-shirt girl follow me to the next mark. Yellow t-shirt girl was JUST CARRIE and she walked with BNI, CP, and I to the shortcut. The hare then jogged back along the trail to find 5 lost hashers and he find them he did. JUST AMY, JUST KELLY, JUST PETER, JUST STEVEN, and MOUNT SCHWINGA were taken post haste to the beer stop where we found LOWER WHACKOFF wandering around the neighborhood looking for BEER. The Beer stop was at CASA de CHICKEN”S parking lot, but it still amazes me how many times I can keep people completely lost in tying to find it. How many times have we been there 10?

The Beer stop was 20 minutes long and the pack made it back to Kelly’s pub. The back beer garden was perfect for our group of 30 and the weather was great. The pack enjoyed the $5 pitchers that were offered this night and CALVIN got the circle going. Numerous thanks go out to those that helped me run the hash tonight. VIRTUALLY HUNG took hash cash. EZ, MOUTHFUL, FIST, CP, HORN-E, HOOTERS, and TWO TIKS were seen ferrying beer to the back from the front bar, so thanks again. The hash gave out numerous down-downs for violations but one of the memorable was CALVIN drinking for his love of Stars Wars on George Lucas birthday. The virgins really seemed to be having fun and JUST CARRIE was rolling in laughter at our perverse verses. SMELL THIS and VIRGIN BANGER walked in and could have been mistaken for the regular crowd with the pushed up collars on their polos. PETERBILT also walked in carrying his nuts………..in a bag, oh you people are sick. Finally our own Hash flash showed up in ITS too SOFT. I can’t wait to see the pictures from this hash. Well we hope you virgins, JUST JON, JU JENNY, JUST CARRIE, JUST PETER, and JUST STEVEN, had fun and remember your 2nd Chicago Hash is free!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Hash Trash: 5/7/07
Hare: 69-cent Man, Virgin Banger, Ernest Cummingway
Venue: Czerwone Jabluszko (Red Apple)

HASHERS:
JUST BRENDA, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, LOWER WHACKOFF, EZ ON THE ASS, REARLOADER, MOUNT SHWINGA, MENAGE A TWAT, JUST AMY, JUST ERIN, JUST KELLY, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, MAGNETIC MUFF, HORN-E, MAGNETIC MUFF, SPOTTED COCK, CHEAP DATE, PUKE SUIT RIOT, SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO, ITS TOO SOFT, SMELLY CONCHA, FLYING HOOTERS, TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS, JUST BRENDA, PRINCESS LABIA, STOCKS & BONDAGE, DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS, JUST SHAWN, JUST PATTI, CHICKEN STIFFER, AND JUST TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS (69-cents mans friends)
TOTAL= 34 hashers

The start of this hash actually began on December 27, 2006. A short 10 days after CH3 had its 1469/Anthrax Hash, its largest hash every attended, when I got an e-mail and phone call from 69-CENT MAN because he was trying to nail down the details of the Polish Constitution Day Hash set for May 7, 2007. If you know 69-CENT MAN he is relentless and tries to be very methodical in his preparation for his PCDH. This year was no exception and I think many you including myself owe him a thank you for setting up this hash which was well attended and fun for those that showed even though we did start 1/2 hour early. Before the hash started the hash welcomed back SMELLY CONCHA, JUST BRENDA, and JUST SHAWN. I guess we can applaud SMELLY CONCHA for bringing virgins but we do miss him when he does not show up. It was fun watching FLYING HOOTERS try to parallel park her car, back and forth-back and forth. Maybe we should wait outside all the time to start the hash.
The Hash started sharply at 7:13 pm. The Hash went south along Milwaukee Ave. with CALVIN KLEIN in the FRB position followed closely by REARLOADER and the FBI, TWO TICKETS. I hung back waiting for PRINCESS LABIA to lock her bike and put her bag in the Shag wagon before she was ready to hash. The pack looked great from behind with the majority of people waving POLSKI flags around to the innocent bystanders who were to be the recipients of the PCDH. I don�t know when but MOUTHFUL OF MEAT made it into the pack the pack as well at some point. The trail set by VIRGIN BANGER and ERENST CUMMINGWAY turned back north and ran across Belmont Avenue. STOCKS AND BONDAGE was seen on trail multi-tasking what I mean smoking and running just how does he do it? JUST AMY and JUST KELLY were seen dragging the hash virgin, JUST ERIN along the trail, glad both of you could make it and bring a friend, that is the name of the game in the CHICAGO HASH bring a friend.
The pack craniumed south and ran by the old Polish church that was the site if the ON-IN two years ago for the PCDH. I think I heard some says there goes Jesus but I said, No its just HORN-E. We kept running south and mainly west through a Chicago park where the Hispanic contingent of the park took exception to our Polish Flags. We crossed Western Ave.? I think and hit the beer stop. SPOTTED COCK was first sighted here along with MOUNT SCHWINGA. Thank God no one drank the swill from Saturdays beer stop that the hare tried to pawn off on an unsuspecting hasher. The pack drank their own swill and made it back to the RED APPLE.
Here all hell breaks loose we have hashers crying I want to eat or hashers crying I need my beer, In the end much like Anthrax, Chinatown, Memorial Day, or any other event hash we run at CH3 it all works out in the end. The people who wanted beer like CALVIN got Beer and REARLOADER was seen being rolled out after gorging himself on perogis and Polish sausage!! The circle was convened and much grumbling was heard from a certain corner where PRINCESS LABIA and EZ on the ASS were sitting but I don�t think it was PRINCESS?? The hares were pummeled for crossing Thursdays trail and pummeled again for not having the keg ready in an instant. JUST ERIN, JUST BRENDA, and JUST SHAWN got their own virgin down-down so welcome to the hash. ERNEST even got his own lanyard and whistle for his 10th hash!!! LOWER WACKOFF and DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS where reboots and numerous other violations were enforced by the RA-CALVIN.
Late at night 10:30 pm we were kicked out and I ended up finishing the keg with ITS too SOFT, 69-CENT MAN, SINGLE WIDE, PUKE SUIT, and HORN-E. TWO TICKETS was there but soon flew back to her condo off of Cumberland. Numerous gangsters who for some apparent reason kept walking by in a new outfit but same hairdo, WEIRD, were eyeballing us?!?!?!?!? SINGLE WIDE and PUKE SUIT were seen making a get away in the convertible followed closely by FUJI AND I. Again overall another great Polish Constitution Day Hash and thanks for coming.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1487 Opening Day @ Party Central Skydeck
The Chicago Hash, Hidden Shamrock, 4/22/2007 by Chicken Stiffer

Hare: It’s Too Soft and Cheap Date
Venue: Party Central
HASHERS:
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, MOUNT-ME PUHLZEE, HORN-E, CUM IN MY ASSFAULT, CHICKEN STIFFER, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SPOTTED COCK, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, CHEAP DATE, OR G, JUST MARY, JUST CHRISTINA, SQUEEZE THESE, SPECKIE, SPAWN OF SPECKIE, JUST DO ME SLOWLY, SMELL THIS, B.O.B, MAGNETIC MUFF, CHIP-N-DALE, DAVEY CROCHET, LEX LUTHER, JUST JULIA, JUST NANCY, ORGAN GRINDER, CUMS DRIPPING WET, MOUNT SCHWINGA, MUDSUCKER, CUNT AND PASTIES, PETERBILT, JUST DAVE, BONER MALFUNCTION, JUST AMY, JUST KELLIE, STAB’EM AND SLAB’EM, JUST JENNIFER, C.P., CUT THE CHEESE LOG, AND HOOKED ON TONICS.

The GM showed up at the Beer stop with the New CH3 Haberdashery and was immediately accosted by the ladies of the hash because we have new ladies t-shirts. I was amazed to see that we had about 40 hashers show up for this hash. I guess if you bill it they will cum? The beer stop ended and I was grabbed by ITS TOO SOFT to get the keg with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. The only problem was his usual liquor store was closed and he missed the turn for it in his car. In fact you can call this hash ITS TOO SOFT is to slow day because he put his cold beer flag up upside down. His trail had marks pointing at each other. I think the next time he sets trail the hash will have to appoint someone to sit on him the night before so he doesn’t get too wasted to set trail the next day.

Playing the role of RA I found out that this trail must have really been something to laugh about. I even saw those small marks the next day on the way to a Cubs game. We had three virgins join us in the circle JUST DAVE, JUST KELLY, and JUST AMY. We were happy to see new faces on such a nice day. W e had some visitors in from Atlanta LEX LUTHOR, DAVEY CROCHET, and JUST CHRISTINA? They sang us a nice load rendition of hash tones, which never over came the noise of the Brown line next to us. JUST MARY has become a regular and she was brought in the circle for being so beautiful in her new HASH T-SHIRT. BATTERIES AND HORN-E got down downs for bringing virgins?? What’s wrong with that? The Hares drank numerous times which maybe why ITS TOO SOFT did hang his flag upside down. VIRTUALLY HUNG and SMELL THIS sang us the MONKEY POX song, which we had not heard in a while. The circle lasted for about 40 minutes and then the Food took about 2 hours to cook.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1483 Post Shamrock Shuffle

Hare: Lifa
Venue: J & M Tap
HASHERS: Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Coffee, Tea, and Me, Mount-Me Puhlzee, Horn-e, Lifa, Cum in my Assfault, It’s too Soft, Chicken Stiffer, Barks on all Fours, Virtually Hung, Erect de Red, Spotted Cock, Mouthful of Meat, Stump Humper, Sir Poops A Lot, Special Head, Cheap Date, Just Faith, Just Patti, Just Hannah, Or G

The GM showed up late due to CTA problems on the Blue Line maybe I should have listened to 69-CENTS MANS warning about slow trains on the Blue line. When I got there at 2:40 pm there were 20+ hashers to greet me. Even LIFA thought this would be a small crowd due to the Shamrock Shuffle, but if you lay it they will come LIFA. I guess it did help to have an 80-degree day. Most of the pack were wearing their green shirts from GDR and may others their shirts from the Shamrock Shuffle. LIFA with the surprised look on his face gave the chalk talk and said, “GO SOUTH you wankers!” The pack was off VIRTUALLY HUNG took the early FRB position while COFFEE, TEA, or ME, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, and JUST HANNAH brought up the rear. It was great to talk with STUMP HUMPER up at the front of the pack for a little bit nice to see you back!!

‘SIR POOPS A LOT and SPECIAL HEAD brought the great weather with them from Hawaii so thanks guys. Soon we got stuck at a check on Chicago Ave? It looked like MOUNT ME employed his police talents and interrogated that trail till it gave up the goods on which way to run!! SPOTTED COCK even was in the spirit of the green wearing his green Waukesha t-shirt. The pack went north and ran by the Norwegian Hospital near Garfield Park, and we didn’t even lose ERECT DE RED when he saw his countries flag!! IT”S too SOFT was snapping pictures left and right. The trail entered Garfield Park and on such a warm day it was beautiful. HORN-E found trail heading west but the CHICKEN found a short cut to the Promised Land. We wound around the Lagoon and the old Boathouse. The trail went east from here and seemed to be gunning for a familiar hashers HOUSE?? The trail ran by Clemente High School and Puerto Rican flags were seen in abundance. MOUTHFUL of MEAT somehow got to the beer stop first and was the FRB AND FBI today. The beer stop was at CASA de BONER, but where was BONER??? HMMM maybe still hung over??? The pack had a few gold and cold ones and jogged back to the J&M tap.

Here we saw CALVIN and BATTERIES waiting for us along with ASSFAULT. Even CHEAP DATE made it out today and she came all the way from Brazil to hash today!! CALVIN ran the circle and down-downs were handed out to the usually suspects. ITS got one for his mixed up hash dates. THE 1500 is on JULY 21st you goof. CALVIN got one for the great weather. ERECT DE RED got one for getting his 1st hash tag. About this time JUST FAITH and JUST PATTI made it to the circle all sweaty and hot. They too got their down-down for being the DFL’s. see you next week for April 1st hash

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Chicago Hash #1481
March 11, 2007
Hare: PUKE SUIT RIOT & SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO
Venue: CASA de SINGLE WIDE
Visitor: Pied Piper
Attendees: Sugar Nipples, Canned Pussy, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Virtually Hung, Chicken Stiffer, Bloody Thighs, Pussy Galore, Horn-e, Rear Loader, Magnetic Muff, Pardon My Flaps, Bloody Diarrhea, Just Ramsey, and Just Gunner,

PUKE SUIT RIOT laid one of Chicago’s best trails in a long time and it was live too!!! The day was so beautiful that we didn’t mind starting around 2:40 pm after giving the hare a 10-minute hare start. The trail started off south and wound through the neighborhoods west of the tracks, Roscoe Village I believe. The Hash flag was up front for most of the day with Chicken Stiffer doing the honors of carrying it. Props have to be given to VIRTUALLY HUNG for dragging around a dog all day long or was JUST GUNNER dragging him?? The trail came to a check and SUGAR NIPPLES kept calling are you? Are you? And a Chicago resident asked are you what?? Well he was no hasher!! The trail went west and came to a check near Ashland and Ravenswood. CHICKEN went south and was soon DFL but PUSSY GALORE and BLOODY THIGHS found the trail going north. I was surprised that the canine patrol of SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO & JUST RAMSEY with PARDON MY FLAPS & BLOODY DIARRHEA were not able to sniff out this trail. I guess the dogs are not bloodhounds. The trail kept going north and soon CHICKEN was back with the pack and changed status from DFL to FRB again weird this was. HORN-e and VIRTUALLY HUNG were off on a wild goose chase up near the corner of Lincoln and Damen. Its not a bad place to get lost though with several German Brauhaus in the area one would never go thirsty!! About this time REAR LOADER showed up but in a car. He tried to run down an unnamed hasher. The pack also saw HARRY MANHOLE on trail he has not been back with us from sometime. Maybe next week he said.

The pack found the beer stop under the el-tracks near Irving Park Road, this was welcome relief for the thirsty pack. PUKE SUIT was given a few more minutes to lay trail out but I believe most of the pack bailed on him and ran straight back to the house. The FRB for the day was BLOODY THIGHS. Back at the house the Pack was treated to numerous goodies and plenty of beer. We also were witness to numerous dog porno scenes because JUST GUNNER mounted BLOODY DIARRHEA and began to give him the business. I hope BD isn’t scared for life. Our trusty RA CALVIN KLEIN ran the circle. The most interesting accusation of the day was BATTERIES apparent lack of electrical expertise because when she installed her ceiling fan the light goes on when you turn on the microwave and the fan starts when you turn on the TV, and she is an Electrician?? Well have a good week everyone and remember next week is GREEN DRESS in St. Louis and I still have a few rooms left for anyone to join us. Looks like we have 18 Chicago hashers going to join 120 other hashers in the BIG-HUMP.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1479

Feb. 25 #1479 the Hash Ball Hangover Hash

Hare: Chicken Stiffer-CH3 GM
Virgin: Just Lindsey
Locals: Cunt & Pasties, Smell This, Boner Malfunction, Two Tickets too a Pair a Thighs, Flying Hooters, Mount Schwinga, Its too Soft, Cum in My Assfault, Horn-e, Just Do Me Slowly, Virtually Hung, and Calvin Klein

The hash started late because it was waiting for a carload of hashers arriving from Casa De SMELL THIS. He had with him BONER, TWO TIKS, and MOUNT SCHWINGA. It turns out that TWO TIKS never even made it home from hash ball and was wearing other people’s clothes to hash this day. The weather was very shitty this day we had rain, sleet, snow, etc. and the ground was covered with giant puddles of cold wet water. The Trail was short but between Casa De CHICKEN and the bar I believe the hash found every major puddle, pothole and ice patch.
The hash was very happy that the run was about a mile because most were still hung over from the previous night. Even BONER who partied in Lisle claimed to be a little tired from Saturday’s fun. BONER even brought a virgin with him this day JUST LINDSEY welcome to the hash and please show up for the Green Dress run in St. Louis March 17. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the role of FRB for the better part of the trail while CNT & PASTIES took care of our virgin making sure she didn’t get lost on trail. FLYING HOOTERS and ITS TOO SOFT were found impersonating monkeys when they climbed fences to get themselves over Amazon River found in one of the alleys the trail went through. TWO TICKETS looked like a bunny running with her pink jacket on.

The Hash made it to the beer stop and watched the beginning of the OSU vs. Wisc. Basketball game but they were soon back out on trail and at the bar. The Circle was run by the CH3 RA CALVIN KLEIN who was found without BATTERIES claiming that she was wasted from the night before. The hare got down- downs for the crappy trail but really got nailed because he was smart enough to wear his boots on Trail; I guess this made the circle mad because my feet were dry. The circle ended in record time and MOUNT SCHWINGA was soon challenging some chicks on the dartboard. The hash broke for home around 6 pm where we watched the Oscars and all went to bed with a fine weekend of drinking behind us.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1478

2/18/07 CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH TRASH for #1478

Hares: BALLSALOTAPUS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, JUST DO ME SLOWLY and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT

Virgins: JUST FAITH, JUST NICK, JUST YOUNG HI, JUST ELKE, JUST LEVI

Visitors: Sin City Hash- THE UNALICKER, Y=PI, and FLUFFER

Madison Hash- RETURN TO GENDER and FROGGY STYLE

Locals: LIFA, IT’S TOO SOFT, CHICKEN STIFFER, VIRGIN BANGER, BLUE BALLS, MUDSUCKER, CHIP-N-DALE, SOUR BALLS, ORG-E, JUST TIM, ASSPOCKET, 69-CENT MAN, FLYING HOOTERS, JUST LOU, BACK DOOR BIZZLE, ERECT DA RED, JUST ANGELLE, HORN-E, JUST PATTY, RABBIT TURD, MONKEY TURD, MAGNETIC MUFF, BONER MALFUNCTION, GOOD SWALLOW, SMELL THIS, and PUSSY GALORE

The Chinese New Year Hash was a perfect example of what hares can do if they put their minds to it. The hares need to be commended for a hash well done and for over coming the main obstacle that Tito’s, the bar, had no kegs in it. The hash started early for many because we showed up at Noon and had a few beers before we went down to see the parade. The Unalicker, Y=PI, Froggy Style, Return to Gender, Chicken Stiffer, Its too Soft, Lifa, and Fluffer went down Wentworth and found a Sunny spot on the parade route to observe the festival. Most of us even got our own coolie hats that can be seen in numerous pictures taken by the resident photog Its too Soft. The visiting women whined that they were cold and hungry so we found some egg rolls to stuff down their throats but now they whined that they had no BEER! The parade lasted about 1/2 hour and we returned to Tito’s to meet the rest of the hash and have more nectar of the gods.

The crowd began to swell much like Froggy’s head would by the end of the night and we even got two visitors/virgins, Just Elke and Just Levi to join us from Milwaukee, thanks for stopping by. The bar was decorated in red lights and Chinese ornaments but most hashers liked the sight of the big fat beer Buddha ready to greet them at the end of the run. 2:30 pm came and Virtually Hung commenced a chalk talk. His words said, “DO NOT RANGE THIS TRAIL OR YOU WILL MISS THE BEER STOP!!” remember this for later. We went around the circle with our names and soon we were off. Lifa carrying the hash flag led the pack south and then west but Soar Balls and Chip-n-Dale followed him closely. They found the first check that had us chasing our pig tails we were wearing on our asses for the year of the pig. Org-e caught more of the trail going west and we were back on-on. Soar Balls and I ranged a little and we caught the next circle jerk but the pack didn’t follow us but followed
Org-e, Just Patty and several others. I soon was lost on trail with Y=PI but can you blame me?

The pack came together just over the expressway near 20th but was thrown off by our esteemed visitor, Sergeant of Arms, The Unalicker who called on-on after two marks? Didn’t we tell her three was on and its four at her hash after a check so why the call?? We found trail again after Just Tim and Asspocket went west and found the trail paralleled the railroad tracks and went to a raised bridge. Here the marks seemed wipeout by the foot traffic from the Parade. Virtually Hung actual was laying marks, as we went which is why you should not have ranged. Good Swallow found trail going east back towards China Town and the pack hit the BN mark. Ballsalotapus greeted us with Chinese beer and water out of the back of the Lincoln, but we seemed to be missing one hasher, Where was Horn-E?? We would soon find out that ranger went back to the bar. Smell This would soon regret his new FRB status being the first to taste the Chinese beer. The pack followed Wentworth back up through
China Town and ran right down the middle of the street and the people said, “There go the Chicago Hashers!!” Just Faith and Just Nick seemed to be enjoying the celebrity status our hash has in China town.

Back at Tito’s the food was served and soon everyone was stuffed with soup, beef, sausage, and bread. Where can you get this for only $6? Oh and Its Too soft also tapped the beer Buddha as well. We ran our circle and called our hares in giving them an earful of CH3 appreciation. We also called for Monkey Turd to enter the circle because she was our full-fledged Chinese representative. Smell This received the Dragon head award for being the FRB, which he did wear, and I believe lost at the bar, silly Smelly. The hash also welcomed Back Door Bizzle to the hash. He is a new resident but also a past GM from the Richmond Hash, so welcome. We also let our Visitors sing us a song of Jack the necrophilia. Thanks again guys for making the Trek to Chicago we will try to visit Cincinnati and Madison in the future. Boner seemed to be following the advice of a Pink Floyd song because he was comfortably numb. The Keg was finally finished at 7 pm and ten hashers went north to drink more with our visitors. Well for those of you that missed the Chinese New Year you will have another year to wait for it Feb. 7, 2008, The Year of the RAT.

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM