Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1494 @ The Beamont
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Beaumont’s 2020 N. Halsted
VIRGINS: Just Evan, Just Lauren II, Just Dale
HASHERS: Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, 69-Cent Man, Just Chris, Just Kess, Just Carrie, Just Jenn, Princess Labia, Boner Malfunction, My Little Pony Pack-Her Arse, Just Bessie, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Just Kelly, Just John, Its Too Soft, Mud Sucker, Chip-n-Dale, Debbie Does Doctors, Mr. Cheesecake, Pussy Galore, DGAS, Mount-me Puh’lzee, Coffee-Tea Or Me, Barks on al Fours, Peterbilt, Man O Whore, Just Nick, Mount Schwinga
VISITORS: OCCUPIED, KITTY LITTER-JOLLY ROGER HASH TAMPA, DGAS
Total Hashers= 40
The hash was billed as a farewell to PUSSY GALORE hash and the Chicago Hash came through. 40 hashers showed up to pay their respects and say good-bye to the best Pussy in the hashing world. If you want to see her now you will have to make that trip to Barbados where the weather is warm and the rum is wet. The Hash began at 2020 N. Halsted at Beaumonts, a usual hash friendly Bar. Where our famous bartender watches our bags while we hash. The Chicago hash is really getting young with several of the new hashers like JUST CARRIE, MY LITTLE PONY, JUST BESS, JUST JENNY, JUST CHRIS, JUST JOHN, and PACK HER ARSE, and JUST KELLY bringing young blood to the hash. We really are a group of hashers in the 25-35 year-old age range now. CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED arrived early to take advantage of the $5 pitchers but they were not earlier than CHICKEN STIFFER who met our visitor KITTY LITTER for drinks around 6 pm, thank God I already had laid trail. The Hash weather and location had much to do with our turn out of 40 hashers. Remember people if you want hashers to show make it public transportation convenient and parking friendly. Many people did park at Lincoln Park High School including our visitor and PRINCESS LABIA.
The hash went out at 7:30 pm and took over a piece of sidewalk where I gave the chalk talk. During the chalk talk MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE arrived with COFFEE, TEA or ME and BARKS ON ALL FOURS and he asked in a loud voice where is the beer stop?? DO you think I’m really going to tell the whole hash where the beer stop is at you fool? After CALVIN took over introductions, the pack ran south to the corner where there was a split, HORN-E went east and JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY went south. HORN-E went the right way but soon ran right by the next mark and was lost within a minute of starting the hash go figure? I watched JUST BESS and pack run by the Armitage corner and turn down an alley soon they ran by the same corner again because this was the first of many circle jerks on trail. The pack came to a check at LPHS and CHIP-N-DALE found the false trail leading into Oz Park but BATTERIES found true trail going down and alley was soon joined by MR. CHEESECAKE in leading the pack to the Fire Station on Larabee. The sizable pack of 35+ soon found the back check and KITTY LITTER with JUST LAUREN found trail going through the city garden behind the fire station and went south down Larabee. The back of the pack was made up of MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST KELLY, PACK-HER ARSE, and JUST LAUREN. I was sweeping and helping our virgins JUST DALE and JUST LAUREN II find their way down to Lincoln Park. I did not see much of the pack until I got to Old Party Central, but heard that many hashers were mad about the long false trail they found at my home in the hopes of it being the beer stop? I was told that BONER MALFUNCTION was mad but OCCUPIED said the F means false trail right? The pack had to back track and find their way to the real beer stop at Old Party Central where they were treated to semi-cool beer?
MR. CHEESECAKE hung the hash flag on party centrals gate so the surrounding people would know who was there. JUST JOHN and JUST JENNY were happy to be back hashing with us and they wore their haberdashery with pride!!! The beer was soon gone and the trail went thru the DePaul campus with and interesting squeeze between one of the dorms and a fence.
MAGNETIC MUFF led the pack thru here and back to the bar. We arrived at the bar and PETERBILT was there with DGAS and later the other non-runners showed in MUDSUCKER and MAN O WHORE. The hash was enjoying fine beer for a few minutes before the circle was to commence. 69-CENT MAN set up shop and was providing numerous pieces of running literature to the hash but he did not know when Polish Constitution Day was next year? HORN-E was seen cornering apprehensive virgins and veteran hashers to promote his naked hash? CALVIN got the circle of 40 hashers going and suitable punishments were given out. The Hare was punished for warm beer and JUST KELLY was punished again for missing last week’s hash along with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. PUSSY GALORE finally got her lanyard and whistle as her goodbye gift. DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS was a reboot. COFFEE and MOUNT ME were congratulated for their next little hasher. The hash flash ITS TOO SOFT with his quick draw camera covered the whole night. The circle was soon closed but the party and dancing went on till 1:30 am and we owe thanks to JUST NICK for the free pizzas and numerous free Labatts pitchers. Many hashers like TRIPLE D paid the price the next day for the numerous beers the night before. See you next week!!! And check out http://www.chicagohash.org/ to see the pictures of all the young new hashers whooping it up at the hash!!!
Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!