Author: Snatch Squatch

Anthrax 2007

Chicago #1522 – 6th Great Chicago Anthrax Scare Hash
Published by itstoosoft on November 19, 2007 in special events, all events & runs and chicago hash runs.

The World’s Longest-Running* Hash Anthrax Scare Celebration**

Saturday, December 15, MMVII, Meet at 1400hrs CST, on out at 1430hrs (2:30pm)

Click Here for New Anthr@x 6 Rego Form or signup online via PayPal, below:

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO REGISTRANTS – New this year we are offering personalized hash name tags including the picture of your choice. If you would like a picture on your tag please email it Mt. Schwiiinga at [email protected] by December 7th. If not, we may pick one for you from our extensive library of icky, horrible and generally unmentionable things. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Join the Chicago Hash House Harriers for our Winter 2007 Flagship Event – the 6th Anniversary of Chicago’s Great Anthrax Scare of 2002!!!

To view the authentic news media coverage on the 2002 Anthrax Scare click here
More time to kill? Check out Flying Booger’s remarks on Chicago 6th Antrhax on his Half Mind Blog here

(*) refers to most consecutive years, not length of trails
(**) longest-running and also the only one that we are aware of

Never before seen bonus vintage Anthrax Pic! Here is a shot of the Hazmat Hare at Chicago O’Hare Fire Station #3 where he was escorted by the Chicago Police on Christmas Eve 2002 after explaining over the Fire Department’s radio to on-site first responders that our trial marks in Lincoln Park were only harmless flour. The cops and firefighters there were really cool about it and even let me get a picture next to one of their fire engines.

It is interesting that the Chicago Fire Department at O’Hare has yellow rather than red trucks and a flying eagle logo (you can see part of it to the far right of the cab) instead of the regular nested-lettter CFD logo. The only other civilians who have ever been this close to this equipment have been involved in aircraft mishaps! I suppose this was better…

FRIDAY NIGHT – 6th Anthrax Pre-Lube “Mini” Pub Crawl in Wrigleyville or Lakeview
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Friday, December 14th 6:00pm- ????

Last year so many people from Big Hump came ready to rock they blew out our party at The Union so this year we’ve brought friends to the fight and are unleashing a full-blown Fuji pub crawl instead. Will Big Hump have GAME? Can Indyscent REPRESENT? Will Madison swear off drinking alcohol forever after HITTING THIS WALL? Come find out!

Bars and specials TBA but as many of us will already have done back-to-back 12 Bars of Christmas blowouts the previous two weekends, this one will have “no more than six bars”!

SATURDAY – The Main Event – Chicago Run #1522 The 6th Annual Great Chicago Anthrax Scare Hash / Santa Hat Run
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Saturday, December 15 Meet @2pm, out at 2:30pm (at 2:31 you are on your own!)

Hares: It’s Too Soft (the original Hazmat Hare), Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Super Stuff’her (Big Hump cannot possibly get us all too drunk to lay a death march trail!)
Venue: The home of the original Anthrax Run – Hidden Shamrock Club – 2723 N. Halsted (Halsted & Diversey, just East of the [closed] Diversey Brown Line Stop). A–B-C run. Bring your EURail Pass unless you want to walk back to your car.

View Larger Map

Price includes a Santa Hat, hazmat suit for the run, commemorative t-shirt (if paid by Nov 30), surprise bonus tchotchke, and four hours of open bar and food at the on-in party.

Hash Hotels: Days Inn Lincoln Park (~$100/night) http://www.lpndaysinn.com/index2.html
Arlington House (~$50/60/night) http://www.arlingtonhouse.com/

Event security provided by Blackwater USA

Prices: $39 Dec 1 – Dec 14; $44 day of, if available and no guarantees of any bonus gifts or t-shirts (add $1.43 to the $39 price to cover processing fees for Paypal option). Or for 41 cents you can snail mail in your rego the ole’ fashioned way! Postmark determines cutoff pricing as always and Australian Rules Football apply.

Click Here for New Anthr@x 6 Rego Form or signup online via PayPal, below:

Shirt Size
Hash Name / Nerd Name / Home Hash
Make payments with PayPal – it’s fast, free and secure!
Whooz Cumming So Far? A sort of somewhat up to date list..

It’s too Soft – Chicago H3 Hazmat HARE!
Chicken Stiffer – Chicago H3 HARE & GM!
Calvin Klein – Chicago H3 HARE
Super Stuffer – Chicago H3 HARE
Are They Real – Chicago H3
Just Alex – Chicago H3
Salty Gash – Chicago H3
PackHer Ass – Chicago H3
69-cent man – Chicago H3
Milk My Yak – Chicago H3
Barks On All Fours – Chicago H3
Ballsalotpus – Chicago H3
Just Angelle – Chicago H3
Just Steve – Chicago H3
Just Saud – Chicago H3
Spotted Cock – Chicago H3
Lifa – Chicago H3
Mouthful of meat – Chicago H3
Batteries Not Included – Chicago H3
Just Esther – Chicago H3
W’all Bangher – Chicago H3
Anal Assault – Chicago H3
Mt Schwiiinga – Chicago H3
Just Molly – Chicago H3
Just Jonathan – Chicago H3
Anal Assualt – Chicago H3
Stab’em * Slab’em – Chicago H3
The Grrreat Loch Ness Cockster – Chicago H3
Just Rob – Chicago H2
2 Tickets 2 a Pair o Thighs – Chicago H3
Just Tyrone – Chicago H3
Sperm Diversion – CH3
Odor Eater – Chicago H3
Rotn’ Whore – Chicago H3

Just Pat – Chicago H3
Just Tom – Chicago H3
Just Katherine – Chicago H3
Flying Hooters – Chicago H3
Virtually Hung – Chicago H3
C*nt & Pasties – Chicago H3
One-Handed Typist – Chicago H3

Ram Van Thank You M’am – Thirstday H3

Chicago H3 Alumni
Canned Pussy – Somewhere in DC
Smell This – New York H3

Rhotan – Second City HHH

Grass On the Infield – Waukesha H3
Floundering Ass Plant – Waukesha H3
Grizzly Sodoms – Waukesha H3
Hand Solo – Waukesha H3
Just Kristen – Waukesha H3
Copulator!! – Waukesha H3

Mount Van Tramp
Dribbles In- Madison H3
Trailer Trash
Return to Gender – Madison H3
ZamBoner – Madison H3
Different Strokes- Madison H3
Himalayme – Madison H3
Eggbeater – Madison H3

Scratch & Sniff – Kenosha
Stupid Man – Kenosha

Oral Persuasion – Indyscent HHH

Ash Cache B’gash – Hoosier H3
Vazeliney Greazy Beaver – Hoosier H3

Cliff BangHer – Big Hump
Burning A$$hole – Big Hump
Hummers Para Libre – Big Hump
Dos HiXXies – Big-Hump H3
Flossit w/a Faucet – Big Hump!
Sexorcist – Big-Hump H3
Do My Butt!! – Big-Hump, Bitches!
I Have a Dick – Big-Hump H3
GladHeAteHer – Big Hump H3
Lock Nut Monster – Big Hump H3
Strap-On Strap-Off – Big Hump
Dead Squirrel – Big Hump
PMS – Big Hump
Postage Tramp – Big Hump

Horny Again – Sin City H4
The Unalicker – Sinc City H4
Fluffer – Sin City H4

Pornogenic – Bell Scott
2 F*ck Canuck – Bell Scott

Laa-Laa – Carolina Trash H3 / Big Hump H3
Trout Stash – ???
Rambutt – Every Day is Wednesday
Slowman – Baltimore
Roll On – Baltimore
Amelia Airhead – BH3
A Salt My A$$ – EWH4 DC
Hot Lips – Grand Rapids GM

Special Note to Registrats: New this year we are offering personalized hash name tags including the picture of your choice. If you would like a picture on your tag please email it Mt. Schwiiinga at [email protected] by December 7th. If not, we may pick one for you from our extensive library of icky, horrible and generally unmentionable things.

SUNDAY – Chicago HHH First Annual Hannukah Hangover Hash
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Sunday, December 16 @11am
Hare(s): Thanks to Fluffer from Sin City for volunteering yet again!
Location TBA (somewhere in Lincoln Park/Lakeview close to the hash hotels & hash crash)

Includes short trail, beers, and NFL Football!!!
Okay so actual Hannukah ended on 12/12 but the theme gives us such great alliteration!

The World’s Longest-Running* Hash Anthrax Scare Celebration**

The (REAL) History of Anthrax

Ah, the real story of the original Anthrax Hash needs to be told.

Yes, it started at the Hidden Shamrock with many, many hashers, including a slew of visitors from Waukesha, on a cold (very friggin cold) Sunday afternoon. Twas a couple of nights before Christmas and all through the bar, hashers were stirring and wondering what the hell had happened to the hare (alias Its Too Soft)!! Twas to begin at 3:00 (hash time 3:30) yet by 3:45 not creature was stirring, nor a hare to be found. Then bursting through the door ITS made an entrance, his bicycle well secured!! And off the pack went – howling with glee.

Many cold (did I mention that it was REALLY cold?), many, many cold miles (and about an hour and a half) later we finally stumbled exhausted into ITS abode for a most well deserved brew. Through the muttering and cursing we filtered the beer through our frozen lips. Ah, but at least it twas almost over. On, on, Dancer, Prancer, Mudsucker, Good Swallow, Virtually Hung and a host of others! And on… and on…. and on… til the better reason struck us and we realized that the marathon would never end. So to the bar we short-cutted, bypassing the long, cold jog through Lincoln Park (which probably included a swim in the icy lake)…

An evening to remember, the hare escaped with his scalp in spite of our efforts (we were too cold to snag him, and he was so spry since he had laid much of the trail by bicycle dropping huge piles of white flour on the ground). And he went blissfully on his way with sugar plums in his dreams.

But…..

Twas two days later when an alert zoo worker saw the piles of white powder, which due to their huge size had not blow away over the two days since the hash, and realized that the terrorists were a-coming. The brave firemen in their cool (and expensive) bio suits arrived, tested the pile, and lo and behold, twas positive for anthax. Alerts, and hollers and over a hundred firemen beat feet to the site, and another hundred of their police brethren also raced to the site of the crime. Milling around, and, well not exactly caroling…

Then I, the innocent GM over the horde, received a call from Necrophiliac, a Sun Times reporter noting that Lincoln Park was closed down and he was on site doing his reporting thing. Said he, there is an Anthrax situation and lo and behold it was where the hash supposedly ran (of course, no one ran the last leg after the beer stop except for Virtually Hung). And the cops wanted two people to verify that it was flour before they called off the alert (200 cops and firemen on overtime!!)…

ITS was waiting for a plane and he faxed a map from the OHare fire station (per his pic).
Virtual was picked up by the cops, sirens wailing and tires squealing, as he anticipated that his career as a high flouting lawyer was about to come to an end…

Ah, it was over… or was it? Then Necrophiliac called to say that the fire dept wanted $88,000 for the costs from the “running club responsible for this scare”. We did have about $85 in the hash cash kitty, so I stopped by my tailor to get fitted for Prison Orange!! Rather fashionable, I must declare!

How did it happen, you ask? (don’t care if you didn’t ask – it’s my story!!). Add the hare throwing large globs of white flour onto the ground from a bike to firemen that never calibrated their new detectors near a zoo (animals have low levels of anthrax) and that was the recipe for the debacle.

Alas, the firemen rejoined their families, the cops returned to their donuts (Mount Me – just had to throw that in!), I returned my orange suit, Virtual’s peers never saw him on TV, ITS flew into the sunset and the hash cash kitty remained overflowing with its $85, and the denizens of Lincoln Park returned to their cages – the animals too!

Many calls and emails from the new media and from hashers spanning the globe later, I sank into exhausted oblivion, from which they tell me, I will recover someday!

And a Merry Christmas to all…

Mudsucker

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1521

Hash Trash: 12/9/07
Hares: Calvin Klein & Batteries not Included
Venue: Burtons Place

VIRGINS:
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Pat, Special Ed Giver, Chicken Stiffer, At Your Cervix, Just Katherine, Just Rob, Frosted Discharge, Cums in my Assfault, Horn-e, Just Steve, Super Stuffer, Its Too Soft, Chippendale, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Lifa, Just Tyrone, Peterbilt, Just Molly, Mouthful of Meat,
VIRGINS= 0
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 21

CALVIN and BATTRIES laid this hash from a new hash bar south of North Ave. on Wells street and thing went really well. We had a private room, warm beer, which was switched for cold beer, and good food. This combination usually makes the hash happy. Throw in the fact that we had a roaring fireplace and over 20 hashers on a cold wet day than you have a very happy pack. The trail was set with over 20 pounds of red powder AKA flour which CALVIN carried while Batteries wore her FMB boots to stay warm and lazy to carry the dry wall. The circle was started after numerous hashers bought the new haberdashery. This new stuff should be gone by Anthrax so if you want a new shirt show up early at Anthrax to be able to find your size and color. We have already sold about 33% of the new stuff bought. I guess we are going to need to find new things to make! Back to the circle. The pack of 20 listened and were told be careful of the ICE but JUST STEVE ran on and quickly fell on
his ass. LIFA and CHIPPENDALE soon had the FRB position and had the pack going south and west and then back east. JUST KATHERINE was not going to let a little Chicago winter prevent her from wearing shorts, and shorts she wore!! The pack soon was down near the Water Tower place. ITS TOO SOFT with his whistler GPS device was ever vigilant as to where he was, and close behind him was CUMS in MY ASSFAULT and MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. We ran by the TOWERING PHALIC symbol known as the JOHN has a COCK building but the doorman were seen sweeping up the flour marks left outside by CALVIN, it helped that the hares were sweeping this trail. LIFA soon was nailed and took the false trail out to the lake, but I saw JUST STEVE cross Michigan ave. on trail so I called for JUST TYRONE and SUPER STUFFER to follow him. The trail wound back and forth through the tall buildings until it got back to the bar.
AT YOUR CERVIX, JUST KATHERINE, SPECIAL ED GIVER, and MOUTHFUL were soon warming their buns on the fire, now all the needed was some hot dogs but they turned down HORN-E. The pack called for beer and I obliged by ordering four pitchers the only problem is was it tasted like it had sat near the fire for too long so our bartender went down stairs to get the cold stuff. CHIPPENDALE was hot for food so CALVIN got the circle going quickly in 15 minutes and we brought out our victims for Hash crimes. FROSTED DISCHARGE, JUST PAT, and JUST ROB were part of the six-pack group wearing their new hash gear proudly so they drank. If you don�t understand this look at the picture Czar�s shots in the album! The FRB was LIFA?!?!? and the whining bitch was ITS TOO SOFT for having to run the trail hung over. MOUNT ME drank for his new territory the nice area of streeterville, and soon spilled most of his beer on the floor? BATTERIES drank for her FMB�s and soon pointed out that
PETERBILT was wearing Velcro shoes again. CALIN had the circle going for 30 minutes because he needed to practice for the ANTHRAX HASH next weekend. CHIPPENDALE was so hungry it looked like he was doing the pee pee dance so we closed circle and he ran out for pizza. After everyone ate we reopened the circle and named JUST STEVE—> JUST EILEEN. We also named JUST KATHERINE—> TOTALLY BUTCH. She almost was named B�ROCK out with your COCK OUT but it lost be a small margin?? Premonition anyone? Hope to see you next weekend some time REMEMBER
DEC. 14= PUB CRAWL 6:30 pm at WRIGHTWOOD TAP
DEC. 15= ANTHRAX HASH 2 pm at HIDDEN SHAMROCK
DEC. 16= HANGOVER HASH 11 am hared by FLUFFER sin city hasher

ALL ARE WELCOME to these events

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1521

Chicago #1521 Sunday 12/9, 2pm @ TBA: Pre-Anthrax Hash
Hare(s): Batteries Not Included & Calvin Klein
Venue: Burton Place – 1447 N Wells St, Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 664-4699
Hash cash: Take-out-a-second-mortgage-on-the-cat price of $6.

View Larger Map

Last Chicago Hash B4 6th Anthrax with veteran hares. This should be interesting & fun as I can’t recall the last time we hashed in the heart of Old Town!

We will have a private room upstairs $7 pitchers of lite and 35 cent wings and other food specials.

Environmentally-friendly public transportation:
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview – Red Line to Division, hoof it a couple blocks West on Division to Wells and then North on Wells or the Brown Line to Sedgwick and hoof it East on North Ave from Sedgwick to Wells and then South on Wells.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown – Blue Line to Division, take the Division 70 Bus East to Wells, hoof it a couplea blocks North to the bar.

Driving:
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to basically North Ave and Wells. Parking in Old Town sucks worse than warm Icehouse. Best bet is to look South of North Ave and West of Wells as Lincoln Park and the Gold Coast are NOT the places to look for parking on the Near North Side.

It gets alot better the farther West you go (parking-wise, not socioeconomically speaking), especially as you get closer to what remains of the Cabrini Green Public Housing Projects (which I’m sure will be the ‘urban shiggy’ part of the trail), for obvious reasons.

CH3 #1520

Chicago #1520 @ Janina’s : 6th Annual Idiot’s Day Joint Hash w/Second City
Submit Hare(s): Specklebird (Idiot’s Day Hare for Life)
Venue: Janina’s Gin Mill & Saloon – 3459 N Milwaukee Ave (Milwaukee & Keeler)
Hash Cash: $5 (One-day holiday doorbuster special – same price as Second City!!)

This very aptly-named hash lived up to its billing on so many levels. One example was our GM Chicken Stiffer wheeling Just Molly down the street in an abandoned shopping cart at a very high rate of speed. What part of this does not just simply scream out BAD IDEA. Fortunately for the hash (for liablility reasons) these two Idiot’s Day celebrants lived to see another day (perhaps less fortunate for the gene pool tho as natural selection may have been temporarily thwarted). More pix from this hash on the nav bar or pictures section or on Koday EasyShare Gallery.

Hash trash to be posted soon.

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For those of us who can still move after the Pre-Pre Anthr@x 12 Bars of Christmas the previous night, please join us for a special joint celebration of this Second City Classic – “Idiot’s Day” as Second City deigns to appear within Chicago City Limits! Rumours abound that we may also see the first new Idiots’ Day t-shirts in years available for purchase at additional cost. Janina’s is one of our favorite hash bars in scenic Avondale.

We did a joint hash w/Second City last year @ Windsor Tavern on 12/3/06 and had such a blast we’re doing it again. Second City’s schedule conflicts with Chicago seven months out of the year and we still all get along and even have joint hashes with them like this. That’s cooperation. Other area hashes who we won’t name, you conflict with just one of their “dates” and they will post enough flames on their message boards to heat half of Stalingrad in January.

From Soar Balls of Second City:

“This Sunday, come out to Janina’s on Milwaukee and get your hangover hash for Pearl Harbor out of the way before you go to Milwaukee.

Yes, it’s time once again (by my calculations, the Xth time) for Idiot’s Day. To ensure a true Idiot’s Day, we thought we should have the traditional post-Pearl Harbor Hash a week before Pearl Harbor. What do you think we are, a bunch of Einsteins who know the difference between pre- and post-? NO! We’re Zwei-, Drei-, Funf-, und Zwolf-steins who don’t plan to stop at one German bier.

Once you’ve got your brain suitably set to Idiot (just keep chanting “Brain, brain, go away, come again some other day&quot, come out to Janina’s (3457 N Milwaukee) at 2:00 PM this Sunday (Dec. 2), and Specklebird will take you on the stupidest tour of the northwest side you ever did see. Special bonus points if you can’t figure out where the beer stop is going to be.

To get to Janina’s, blindly grope your way to Belmont (3200 N) and Milwaukee (~3900 W), go about 3 blocks northwest on Milwaukee until you get to Keeler. Then you’ve gone too far, so look behind you a couple doors on the southwest side of the street, and you’ve found Janina’s. You’ll know it’s Janina’s by the sign out front that says “Janina’s”.

Alternatively, take ye olde Blue Line to Addison and go west on Addison to Keeler. Go south on Keeler to Milwaukee and wander about aimlessly asking strangers where you might find Janina’s.”

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line 2 Addison, Addison #152 bus West to Keeler, hoof it three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line 2 Addison, schlep four blocks West to Keeler and three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee or take the Milwaukee #56 bus Northwest to Keeler.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise 2 the corner of Addison & Keeler, Addison freeway exit from the Kennedy and west to Keeler, South to Milwaukee. Helen Keller could find a parking space in this neighborhood.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1519

Hash Trash: 11/25/07
Run: 1519
Hares: Super Stuffer & Just Steve
Venue: O’Lanagan’s – 2335 W. Montrose Ave

Virgins: 3 (or was it 4? – hey, am I a great scribe or what!)

Visitors: 1 (2, if you think CP is a visitor)

Hashers: A bunch of ‘em including Canned Pussy, Magnetic Muff, Special Ed Giver, Sir Poops a Lot, Lifa, Virtually Hung, Pack ‘er Ass, Just Saud, Happy Ass Grabber, General Ass Pounder, Just Tyrone, Just Melissa, Wall Bang Her, Just Tom, Just John, Just Jennie, Just Steve, Super Stuff `er and probably a few others that aren’t written on this torn paper plate I’m reading from.

—

A double-virgin haring? We all cringed at the start, knowing that the result would be at least one of:

1. The on-out being too close to the on-in, causing the pack to skip 90% of the trail.

2. The hares using “cute” trail markings that no one can understand and thus causing the pack to skip 89% of the trail.

3. The marks being so small/infrequent/ hidden/hard- to-see that the pack will give up and miss 88% of the trail.

4. The hares deciding on the theme of “we’re going to make this the longest hash run ever” causing everyone but Happy Ass Grabber to take a taxi to the finish.

Or worse yet…

1. The bar wouldn’t tolerate our antics.

2. The beer would be shitty/warm/ expensive.

Amazingly none of this happened, and even more amazingly the trail was actually damn good. Super Stuff `er started us off by providing the chalk talk while being chastised by the circle for not being explicit enough for the virgins. We were warned that this was an ADD run, and that if we found ourselves on the trail without chalk marks, we should follow shiny objects instead.

After the usual introductions, we spotted our first shiny object (aluminum foil) on a tree across the street in Welles Park and soon thereafter found the first check. Virtually Hung quickly figured it out and led us north toward Lawrence Ave. We veered west and proceeded to make something like 11 left turns in a row, covering every inch of street, alley and parking lot available. Crossing the river on Wilson, a check mixed up the pack for a few minutes, but 50~60 chalk arrows were finally found on the Lawrence Bridge bringing us to the beer stop at the hare’s mother’s house. There was a beer cooler and a couple dozen beer bottles on the back deck, along with a woman looking out the window with a “what have you freaks done to my son” look on her face. The pack guzzled nectar in the cold and endured a 1/2 mile run back to the on-in. Well done hares.

The stand-in RA was Virtually Hung, and he dispensed a bunch of well-deserved down-downs of which I have no recollection because I was very busy talking and interrupting the circle. What I do recall is the complete absence of mismanagement members. What could have happened? Did they move the hash to Saturday and not tell anyone? Did the CH3 corporate jet go down while en route to another junket in Indy/Cincy/Big Hump/Madison/ Waukesha? Assuming that the later was most likely the case, a new mismanagement was immediately installed:

Grand Mistress: Cunt & Pasties
Hare Razer: Super Stuff `er
Haberdasher: Sir Poops a Lot
Religious Adviser: Just John
Hash Cash: Bloody Thighs
Web Master: Horn-E
Hash Flash: Wall Bang Her
Hash Scribe: Lifa
Hash Sex Therapist: Magnetic Muff
Hash Human Shield: EZ on the Ass
Hash Belligerence Consultant (emeritus): Boner Malfunction

I believe C & P will be conducting her first mismanagement meeting next Sunday, but it’s hard to read the date through the grease mark on this plate.

On-On,
Lifa

______

[Editor’s Note: Thanks to the “replacement players” for keeping this week’s hash going.

Rumours of a coup have been greatly exaggerated. In fact, the CH3 Mismanagement Dassault Falcon 9x Jet has returned safely from Yangon where the Generals of Myanmar kindly hosted seminars on “How Run A Tighter Ship In You Junta”, “Quashing Pesky Democratic Idealism”, “How to Knit Nice Tea Cosys For the Holidays From Lightly Used Buddhist Monk Vestments” and “Without Constant Vigilance, Even Your Team Could Be Upset By the Chicago Bears”. Expect business as usual next week.]

– Fuji

_______________

CH3 #1519

Chicago #1519 Post Thanksgiving ADD Hash @ O’Lanagan’s
Published by itstoosoft on November 17, 2007 in all events & runs and chicago hash runs.

Submit Hare(s): Super Stuffer & Just Steve
Venue: O’Lanagan’s – 2335 W. Montrose Ave. Chicago (Lincoln Square)
Hash Cash: $6

The ADD hares promise a trail with lots of distractions for marks including shiny things like tin foil, balloons and bits of paper. Hopefully the hares themselves don’t get distracted by something (like a hangover) and forget to lay trail! Ritalin NOT included in hash cash.

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, hoof it four blocks South on Western Montrose and cut East (left) or shortcut thru Welles Park, or take the Red Line to Wilson and catch the Montrose #78 bus West to Western.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Irving Park, Irving Park #80 bus East to Western, hoof it three blocks North to Monrose.

Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to the corner of Western & Montrose and cut East 1/2 block to the bar. Plenty of street parking in the local ‘hood.

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1518

Hash Trash: 11/18/07
Hares: Just Molly & Just Katherine
Venue: J & M Tap

VIRGINS: J Cubed, Just John
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Just Steve, Chicken Stiffer, Just Rob, Horn-e, Boner, Frosted Discharge, Its Too Soft, Just Rob, Princess Labia, Good Swallow, Chip�n Dale, Balz, Sex Luthor, Green Goblin, Mount Schwiiinga, Lifa, Just Josh, Just Marty
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 23

The hash weekend started with the hello To SMELL THIS and goodbye to BONER party on Saturday night. We had numerous people show up. HUMPY DUMBTY, SMELL THIS, BONER, CHICKEN, MOUTHFUL, SUPER STUFFER, LATE AGAIN, ODOR EATER, ROTTEN WHORE, ONE HANDED TYPIST, JUST CRAIG, ITS to SOFT, CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT and others for a total of about 25 people who came out for this CH3 drinking party.
This hash started at the famed J & M tap and was hared by our virgin hares JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE. They had originally chosen a bar with no pitchers but made the fortuitous decision to call the GM and ask if this would be a problem to which I said Yes!! They made a good choice of making the J & M tap their ON-IN because we got $6 pitchers and some free pizza. The pack was off after we stuffed our bags in JUST ROBS truck. We welcomed JUST BALLS to the hash, a friend of MOUNT ME PUH�LZEE. The pack made their way to the outside and the hares did a great job in explaining the hash marks to our Virgins J CUBED and JUST JOHN. The pack ran down an alley and JUST ROB in his matching shoes and shorts lead the pack in the beginning. JUST STEVE was seen climbing every fence in sight much like MR. HYDE does in the movies. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA and BONER were holding down the back of the pack due to hangovers???? We ran by Clemente High School and crossed Division. The pack
made its way to Humboldt Park and ran around the lagoon. CHIP�N DALE was the leader at this point with our Virgins and found trail going west to the beer stop at the home of JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE. They served us icehouse, which should have been called Warm House?? We stayed there for a few minutes while JUST MOLLY burned her fingers inside on the oven. She goes to U of Chicago and doesn�t know what an oven mitt is?? The pack was soon on out and LIFA was quick to find trail back to the bar with SEX LUTHOR and the GREEN GOBLIN.
Back at the bar the pack had to wait until the Bears halftime because the game started at 3 pm. If the NFL hadn�t changed the start time only the week before we would have run this hash at 1 pm so the pack wouldn�t piss of the bar patrons by singing during the game. This caused a few hashers to leave early and the circle was started around 5 pm, about 30 minutes after we got back. We punished the hares for such a wonderful trail. The FRB was JUST ROB. JUST STEVE was pointed out for being a racist in the hash because he was happy to beat JUST ROB to the beer stop. JUST MOLLY also accused JUST ROB for stealing JUST HARRSONS birthday cake but that is perfectly acceptable hash behavior so we made JM drink with her co-hare. We sent off JUST BONER to Florida with the song �IT�S A SMALL DICK AFTER ALL!!!� after he requested the song a 12 inch hard-on!! Nice try BONER!!! We welcomed J Cubed and Just John to the hash as virgins they are looking to start a hash in
Bloomington, Illinois. We wish them well and the Chicago Hash will support their efforts. WE welcomed back our 6-month reboot FROSTED DISCHARGE who has been running races over the summer. MOUNT SCHWIINGA has been busily creating the ANTHRAX logo for the hash this year and then the Circle was closed because the Bears game was back on. The pack was disappointed but I felt it was better to close the circle then risk making the regulars mad and anyways we did eat most of their pizza and ate JUST ROBS cake!!! Just to let you know he really did not steal it but it was a good story that many people believed? The pack proceeded to break up and BONER was really getting wasted. He even had to run out the back door to enter the spew-a-thon contest that was caused by JUST STEVES shot. PRINCESS LABIA showed up and we wished her luck at the Volleyball game along with MOUNT SCHWIIINGA. ITS TOO SOFT, BONER and I took off for home after we said goodnight to the Hares. BONER and
I picked up food and he stayed at my place but what was really funny was the program we watched on the BBC. Check it out if you have a chance. BONER was total enthralled with this show. SEE YOU ALL AND HAVE A GREAT TURKEY DAY.
http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/250/index.jsp

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM