Author: Snatch Squatch

CH3 #1592

Chicago Hash #1592 Sunday 3.29.08 @ Stocks & Blondes – Post Shamrock Shuffle Hash

Hare(s): Glory Hole & Just Genesis
Venue: Stocks & Blondes – 40 N. Wells (right next to the Washington/Wells Brown Line Stop in the Loop)
Hash Cash: $8
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton. Brown Line to Washington & Wells, bar is like right by the L stop..
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Washington. Hoof it like four blocks West to Wells. Bar is by the Brown Line stop.
Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to da Loop and make your way to Washington & Wells. Look for a 6pm meter or pay $40 to park in a ramp, ya goof.

CH3 #1591

Chicago Hash #1591 3.22.09 @ Gilhooley’s & The Mystic

Hare(s): Milk My Yak
Venue: Gilhooley’s – 3901 W 103rd st
Hash Cash: $8 for more entertainment than you can get pretty much anywhere else for this price!

I promise a spectacularly shitty trail, and maybe the beerstop will have some of the beer that didn’t make the cut for Hashball. Someone needs to drink this crap.

You’re all screwed!
Yak

Gilhooley’s-3901 W 103rd st, Chicago, IL 60655 (773) 233-2020
www.gilhooleyssxu.com

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Donate old sneakers for Evanston Special Ed at this week’s hash!

Got shoes????

One of the special education school in Evanston is collecting old sneakers to recycle for playground surfaces and equipment. Anyhow if you have donations and will be hashing in the near future, please bring them. I will collect the shoes 3/22 and if you would love to donate your stinking, gross, disgusting, old hashing shoes for a good cause, please bring them. Maybe just once we can think about something besides beer, sex, and rock and roll….. Briefly that is…

Thanks in advance,
on on,
Bloody Thighs

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to 95th the end and then get on the #103 103rd west bus (note there is a 103rd East bus too which is a different route, and on Sundays either the 1:38 or 1:58pm will get you to the bar in time for the hash) get off in front of the bar. This can get dicey, but it’s easy. For a safer route that takes a bit longer but you woun’t get rolled, take the Orange line to Pulaski. Hop on a 53a bus going south on Pulaski (1:31pm or 1:51pm) and take it to 103rd. The bar is less than a block east.

From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jackson, then Red Line to 95th the end and then get on the 103rd west bus. get off in front of the bar. This can get dicey, but it’s easy. For a safer route that takes a bit longer but you woun’t get rolled, take the Orange line to Pulaski. Hop on a 53a bus going south on Pulaski and take it to 103rd. The bar is less than a block east.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled take the Flyin’ Ryan south to Halsted. Get off and go straight at the light at the end of the ramp. Follow the frontage road staying left at the fork, and then turn right (west)at 103rd street. Go 3 miles west on 103rd, and the bar will be just before Pulaski. Big parking lot BEHIND the CVS is legit on Sundays.

CH3 #1590

Chicago Hash #1590 3.15.09 @ O’Lanagan’s

Hare(s): Cumma Slutra
Venue: O’Lanagan’s – 2335 W. Montrose Ave. Chicago (Lincoln Square)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, hoof it four blocks South to Montrose and then East (left) on Montrose about a block bar is on the Southern border of Wells Park.

From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Montrose, Montrose 78 bus East to Western, hoof it four blocks South to Montrose and then East (left) on Montrose about a block bar is on the Southern border of Wells Park.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Montrose & Western, then one block East to Claremont. On street parking on the side streets is usually very not bad.

Green Dress 2009

Green Dress Hash
3.13.09 – 3.15.09
Incident Report

The Chicago Hash had a glorious time in St. Louis this past weekend. The weather was great; the host was great it was all first rate. Much silliness and drunkenness ensured at the Holiday Inn Convention Center last weekend and the CH3 made their presence known. The Chicago GM needs to point out a situation that took place on the train ride back from St. Louis that calls for immediate praise and recognition of hashers going above and beyond the call of hash duty to save their fellow hashers from certain death and boredom!

Incident as witnessed by Chicken Stiffer- CH3 Co-GM on March 15, 2009 ~ 5:30 pm

Fifteen Chicago hashers were enjoying a relaxing trip back to Chicago aboard Amtrak #304 in the snack/restaurant car, (Because this is not a bar car) when roughly around 5:00 pm we were informed that the train had run out of BEER!!!! and we were quickly finishing off all of the vodka and whiskey as well. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey came up with the idea of running off the train at the next station to secure more beer at a liquor store for the hash, but if you travel Amtrak you know the train only stops for roughly 30 Seconds in small towns like Alton so this idea was shot down. Chicken Stiffer than said to no one in particular that maybe if we called a taxi company in the next town we could get someone to deliver beer to the train? Here is where praise for two hashers needs to be administered.

Mount Schwiiiinga took it a step further and with her feminine charm and guile she made contact with a man via her IPhone, we will name Bill, who ran a taxi company in Pontiac, Il. She begged and pleaded for him to bring beer to the desperate hashers on the train, but he said no he wanted to watch the Men’s College Basketball Bracket program. Did this deter Mount Schwiiinga? NO!!!! She say that LIFA was debeerating from lack of beer and that Motor Whor-a was also slipping into the first stages of Alcohol deprivation. Mount Schwiiinga in her sweet innocent voice asked if he knew of a bar close to the train station that might deliver beer to the hashers. He told her that “The Engine Room” was 30 ft from the Pontiac Station. http://www.merchant circle.com/ business/ The.Engine. Room.815- 844-5146

The next player that enters our picture deserves recognition but will remain relatively nameless. He is one of those good Samaritans of the hash that we run into. Mount Schwiiiinga places a call to the bar and gets a hold of “Jon”. She convinces him we are indeed willing to pay for a case of beer on the condition he walks that LONG 30 ft. out of the bar to the station platform where Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey will be running off the train in a blue t-shirt and gray cap to make the exchange of worthless money for the gold, cold, nectar of the Gods. Meanwhile LIFA is withering away saying it will never work, never work and soon passes out from debeeration. Jon agreed to the exchange. The conductor walks thru and says 2 minutes till Pontiac and Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey makes ready for the dash. The train pulls into the station and Cheese dashes from the train and has “Beer in 30 seconds”, not bad for a new name? and is back on the train beer in arms. A beer IV is run for LIFA and Motor Whor-a is refreshed with a cold Budweiser. Both of their ashen faces returned to the rosy pinkness of healthy hashers.
The Conductor who did see this pulled Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey aside between cars for a chat and we were sure that the Chicago Hash was going to follow the route of the Big Humpers by being thrown off the Amtrak much like they were thrown of the Megabus. Cheese returns and informs us that the conductor said, “That was pretty slick!” Instead of a Megabus of Shame we were now riding a “Train of Triumph” the 12 hashers (apostles) in the snack car began to refer to Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey by his alternate name, “Cheesus”, for only Cheesus could draw beer from a place like Pontiac, Il.
Immediately hashers were calling for an impeachment trial of Erin Go Buff so we could rename Schwiiinga as the new CH3 GM. This talk will continue at the Lions Head Pub on March 19, 2009. The very least that will occur here is that Cheesus will receive the award for “2009 Best Beer Stop”, he deserves much more for saving his fellow hashers that were in dire need of thirst. Mount Schwiiinga could use this incident to spring board into the CH3 or TH3 GM spot this year. These two hashers deserve the hashes praise and thanks for saving poor LIFA from deaths doorway.
On a side note Glory Hole found his new love on Amtrak #304. She has a bubbly personality and was traveling the train after being recently released from St. Louis General Hospital. Glory Hole slyly arranged to meet her in the passenger car away from the hashers in the snack car. There he asked for and received this young ladies phone number which he graciously got from her on her discharge papers. Later Glory Hole was seen talking to Poultry, our pharmacist, asking questions like what are Lithium, Adderall, and Prozac for because they were on the discharge papers.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-Co-GM

CH3 #1589

Chicago Hash #1589 – 03.08.09 @ Mahoney’s & Casa de Crop Duster

Hare(s): Crop Duster & Cuma Slutra
Venue: Mahoney’s – 551 N Ogden
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8

NOTE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME STARTS SO SET YOUR CLOCKS AN HOUR AHEAD SATURDAY NIGHT

Yes, yet another new hash bar brought to you by the Lodge Group!

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit ?
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton. Halsted 8 bus to Grand, and then either Grand 65 bus West to Ogden or walk to Ogden just before Racine.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Grand. Then either Grand 65 bus West to Ogden or walk to Ogden just before Racine.

Driving ?
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Ogden & Racine. Parking should be pretty decent as this is West of the freeway.

Hash Erections Results 2009

GM’s- Erin Go Buff and Chicken Stiffer
Best Trail of 2008- 30th anniversary Calvin Klein and Virtually Hung (food, TV coverage, beer stop. for an outrageous price of $8!!)

Worst Trail- 54 BACK CHECK TRAIL (R-Tard-E)
Best ON-IN- ANY HASH at CASA de W’all Bangher on the lake
FRB- LIFA
FR BIMBO- Ginger Snatch
Best Beer Stop- Top of One Handed Typists place overlooking Lake
DFL- R-TARD-E
NON-Running Wussy- Mudsucker
Hash Wanker- Just I-Lean for breaking wrist at Izzy-Dizzy
Hash Shit- 69-cent man for his dead Rat at Chinese New Year
Bill January Award- Horn-e
Best Hash Bar- Beaumonts
Best Visiting Hasher- Hot Lips
Congrats to all winners and congrats to ERIN GO BUFF as the new Co-GM.
[email protected] This is his e-mail if you need to contact Him.

—
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

State of the Hash 2009

State of the Chicago Hash Address 2009

Normally I try to tie this letter into the President’s address but I don’t think Obama made one this year or I missed it so here is mine. I have been GM of the Chicago Hash for 3-years, and over this time we have seen growth and great hashes for Chicago. I remember when I ran for GM against Horn-e, Rearloader, and Boner Malfunction, and I didn’t even know Too Loose Too Screw placed my name on the ballot. My first year as GM I was happy to get advice and encouragement from Virtually Hung, Too Loose and Mudsucker, who were previous GM’s for Chicago. Hopefully I can follow their example when I retire this year by providing the next GM with encouragement. I hope that people will vote for Erin Go Buff and I as co-GM’s, if we do win I plan to stay on until the 1600 Hash at Virgin Bangers and then retire. Over that period of time I will endeavor to show Erin Go Buff what I have done in the past with the hash and then let him take over and run the hash the way he feels it should be done. I thank the numerous hashers that asked me to run as GM again but I think it would be nice for someone new to take office. The next GM will be surrounded with quality people in the Chicago MM. Its Too Soft has done a sound job in keeping the Hareline and website running with an assist from One Handed Typist. Calvin as an RA was a great choice by Too Loose Too Screw and I’m glad he continued in that capacity for me. The Hare Razors, Mouthful of Meat and Batteries not Included have taken the job seriously and instead of having hares only for one month as we did have in the past we now have hares for the next 5 months with a few dates still available. We also saw Just I Lean and now Snatchsquatch take over the phone line from Peterbilt and they have been doing a commendable job! With these people still helping I’m sure that the hash will run well for 2009 and out!!
This past year the hash saw 1818 hashers come to CH3 hashes an increase of 150 hashers from the previous 1675 hashers in 2007. One thing I have not mentioned is the fact that we did start a CH3 Saturday Hash this year and if you included those hasher numbers than we had just under 1,900 hashers run this year for the Chicago Hash. The goal this year would be to break the 2,000-hasher barrier and we are off to a great start because we averaged 30 hashers per hash through the month of January. I have to congratulate the hash as a whole because most of our new hashers come from hashers bring friends to the hash. Remember hashers don’t let friends run sober. The Chicago Hash may advertise in Time Out Chicago. Metromix, The Red-eye, and other places but seventy-percent of our new people come from known hashers bringing their friends so keep it up!! Hashers like Renta Virgin, Ginger Snatch, Glory Hole and others have added quality hashers to our humble running club!!
Currently the Hash has about $650 in hash cash, which is a little lower than normal. This can easily be explained by three reasons. First the hash purchased new lanyards this year for $300. Second we only collected $288 in hash tax this year, which is less than $5 a hash. The Chicago MM decided to pour more money into the buying of beer at the hashes. Last, the Haberdashery is nicely stocked with shirts. This means we have about $350 tied up in shirts and tank tops that are ready for sale to visitors and locals. Hopefully we will see the hash cash rise to $800-$1000 before we hit the summer again via Haberdashery sales.
This past year the Chicago Hash celebrated its 30-years of existence. With such a rich history we experienced some of the same hashes and then we saw some new things happen this year. One of the best parts about being GM of the Chicago Hash is the fact that many hashers have taken a certain hash or date and made it their own. This is true for about 15 hashes each year and makes it easier for my hare razors and I to get hares. Each year groups plan events like Chinese New Year, Polish Constitution Day, Memorial Day hash, POP, Anthrax, Halloween hash, Labor day and Opening of the roof deck at Fuji’s, Marathon hash, Yad s’tiodI, and Turkey Day Hash that make Chicago look good to locals and visitors alike. I both thank and commend these people for the efforts on behalf of the Chicago Hash. We also would like to thank anyone that has hared in this past year because without hares there would be NO HASH!!
Probably one of the highlights of this year in Chicago was June 23, 2008 when Chicago celebrated its 30th anniversary. 70 hashers congregated on ITS TOO SOFTS roof deck and then later on the roof deck over looking the lake at ONE HANDED TYPISTs place for a beer stop. We had food, 2 kegs of beer and even a TV camera crew from Comcast to document the event. If you missed this event you can view it here on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwVnEgYu4fY . We partied all night and some even went to the Union when the beer ran out. The two premier events for Chicago were great again. POP was in good hands with Salty, Mouthful, Batteries, Schwiiinga, Like its on the Bottom, Rotten, and Packher Ass. If missed someone I’m Sorry. POP saw 88 hashers run the event an ominous number since this was billed as the Crazy Eights POP. This year is the 9th year and you can bet something about 9-lives will be used so hold July 25th and July 18th (prime dates) open for this years POP. Anthrax ran again this year and we saw an Invasion of Minneapolis Hashers following the Pied Pipers of MR. and MRS. ED down to Chicago. 92 hashers braved the cold and ran the trail of Calvin and Superstuf’her to find beer!!
Those were some of the set hashes but last year there was something new afloat in Chicago. Listening to the suggestion of LIFA Chicago started to hash on the fourth Saturday of the summer months with the idea to tie the hash into a street festival. The idea caught on and we had 20 hashers show up for each hash. Locals like Wrapper Snatcher, Lifa and The Porcelain God who found it impossible to hash with us on Monday nights now had and option to run with us on Saturday. We ran near the Lincoln Street fest and Greek town fest. The Greek Town fest was memorable for a drunk Rotten Whore, who earlier had been thrown out of Wrigley Field, joined our circle in the middle of Halsted Street near Jackson. Yes that is right we circled in the middle of the fest with cheap beer! We can’t forget the casa of W’All Bagher hash. What a house on Lake Michigan up on the North side. These Saturday hashes were the highlight for some over the summer, and we even managed to name Snatchquatch at the first Saturday Hash!! Also new this year was better cooperation with the TH3 hash under Happy’s leadership. The CH3 sponsored the Pink Dress runs beer stop at Poultry F*ckers Place and the whole CH3 MM joined in the festivities. Happy has been granted moderator privileges on the CH3 yahoo forum so he can post TH3 messages. I hope to see the continued cooperation that Happy has put for this year along with his MM towards the CH3.
The last couple of months has seen the CH3 take over the Lions Head Pub for free food and cheap beer on Wednesday. What started off as Just I Lean, Super Stuf’her, R-tard-E and Chicken meeting for cheap beer and wings has blossomed into 10-15 hashers each week meeting at this local establishment. As always all are welcome to join us for the $2 beers and free food from 4-7 pm and hopefully we will maintain this fine tradition going into the New Year.
This year we couldn’t have asked for a better chain of events that has placed the 1600 hash on the same weekend as Memorial Day. Our hosts Virgin Banger and Renta a Virgin have given us the thumbs up for another Memorial Day hash. Plans are in motion to try and make this hash larger then usually because it is our 1600th hash but even if we get or usual 75 hashers I am sure we are in for a good time. POP as I said before should fall sometime in July so be ready for a hot time in the middle of July. Make sure that you reserve time for W’all Bangher’s hash this year. If you did not make it to either of her hashes this year she lives at a picturesque apartment that over looks Lake Michigan on the North side. If we can twist her arm to do another Saturday Hash you will not want to miss it! I look forward to seeing all of you at Hash Ball on February 28, 2009 and hope that we can continue growing the Chicago Hash this year in 2009.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM