Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 13 Sep. 2010 by Horn-E

All right, this one was different. Two separate hashes with the second part of the first the same as the first part of the second and then a joint finish. Are you confused. We were too. And to top off the confusion, it was an A to B which always causes logistics problems at the finish when people are getting ready to leave.
This was set by Soar Balls and The International Virgin out of Jefferson Tap on Milwaukee for the Eagles and Sidetracks or something like that on Montrose for the Turkeys. Soar Balls got the Eagles off first and then left them on their own. Five eagles, Lower Wackoff, Ginger Snatch, Lifa, Tampon Tampoff, and a virgin, Just Kevin. What happened? I don’t know. But they struggled on a few marks and they had no sweep. This made it especially hardon, or is it hard on, on the one late cumer, Crop Duster.
Meanwhile, The International Virgin was gathering the turkeys and getting them off. How, I’m not sure. But soon we gathered out front. This group also included a large group of Chicago Hashers, Just Do Me Slowly, Corn Star and Horn-E. But we did have two other experienced hashers with us, Bubbles and Rumpswinga from Waukesha. And three hot virgins, Just Laura, Just Kelly and Just Rachael. That’s eight hounds. We’ve had bigger Bushman hashes and Moon Hashes this year. We headed south where Corn Star was a real star as she found the first Split leading us under the Expressway. But there she picked wrong and Rumpswinga got us off to the west and then south to a Check at Irving Park. When we got there, Rumpswinga had already checked out the east. I guess we weren’t heading straight to the Independence Tap. I had that one figured out already. And it really did end there. Soar Balls was working and what better way to fill your tip jar then to bring the hash in on the night you are working. Not a bad idea though. The pop corn flowed all night. And we had good service. But I digress. Back on trail at the Check. Horn-E crossed Irving Park to find a Split. He was sure it went east, but with hounds already to the east, he went west. Damn, it did go east. But hashing is a cooperative event and so you sometimes have to check out what probably isn’t so others in a more advantaged position can check out the obvious. Meanwhile, Rumpswinga was off with Just Kelly and Just Laura to the north west. Bye. Meanwhile we finally headed north with a slight loop through a housing area and all of the way to Milwaukee and a beer stop. Our first and the eagle’s second. And there we waited until just as we were about to leave, the eagles arrived with Tampon Tampoff winning.
From here we finally headed out on the last stretch on in. Already guessing the Independence Tap, we leaned in that direction at the Splits and Checks. We went east in an alley and then north on a street (?). Here was a Check and the pack was scattered. I drifted east and sure enough someone called On. but where. Again lost, I drifted north in an alley and at the end I saw Lifa. He found another Check. He went west looking to call other hounds and Horn-E went east and eventually was ON. This led north and Tampon Tampoff passed Horn-E to another check at Irving Park. The Independence Tap is getting close, so Horn-E headed east under the expressway. False. So he crossed Irving Park and checked under the underpass and there was an arrow. ON. He waved and called to the distant pack and saw a flashlight wave, so he took off. Two blocks later was the Independence Tap. Yes, the lame old fart came in first. Pissed Tampon Tampoff off when he got there to find Horn-E waiting with glass in hand.
Eventually we all got in along with the non runners, Way To Much Jism, Just Cindy, and another virgin, Just Abby and Its Too Soft and EZ On The Ass. Lifa and EZ On The Ass led various parts of a typically shitty circle. We called out the hares, virgins and visitors and the usual numerous shiity down downs. Then we settled into some pop corn and beer. And then the inevitable problem of taking public transit back to the start just to pick up cars and then go home. And this was the one time a year when I had a car and I still had to take public transit.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail.
The Chicago Hash, 30 Aug, 2010 by Horn-E

It was a small crowd again at Kelly’s, but we had fifteen ready to go for it and chase down the live hares, Cumma Slutra & Porcelain God. We didn’t catch them. We took off up Sheffield and then immediately to the east in an alley. This led us through De Paul Campus where we regrouped at the first Check. Trail went out to Fullerton and through some alleys across Lincoln and up Halsted. There was a Triple Split at Wrightwood that really fucked up the pack for a bit. They headed right/east and into an alley. but suddenly they were returning. It was a False. We went back to the last Split, and searched everywhere, extensively. Nothing. Finally we returned to the alley and went past the F and found some marks and were back on trail.
Now here is the problem and a good opportunity to point out to everyone what the standard marks are in Chicago. F, as explained in the circle, means go back to Check. BC Back Check, or CB Check Back, or a fish hook arrow mean to check back along the trail for a missed or hidden mark. This can go back as far as the last Split, for the true trail. These are very effective in slowing down the FRBs and regroup the pack a bit. They also give some of the middle of the pack a chance to lead for a bit.
Actually it was about three blocks later when the pack found another F, but this time we knew how the hare was marking trail. We then ran up Clark to a Check at Diversey. As I arrived, someone said Chicken Stifer headed east. That was the last I saw of him. Just Mary headed north on Broadway and Horn-E went east on the north side of Diversey. At the first alley Horn-E headed back on the south side of the street. Suddenly Uploader was yelling On on the north side of the street. Horn-E must have missed some really well hidden arrows, as the whole pack was soon in pursuit. This took us north to Surf and over to the park for a Split. Pulling up the rear, I arrived and found no one in sight. I headed south and found marks and finally some of the pack waiting for those that went north. Trail went through this long parking lot and under the outer drive. Great spot for a beer stop on the breakwaters. but no one there. Just Mary led Horn-E and a pack of tail enders over the bridge to the south. We headed the four long blocks along the waterfront and the nice view until we hit Fullerton. Trail now went east and the T and E Split. Being lame, Horn-E led Just Mary to the east on the Turkey trail. Others eventually followed. There was a pack up front that did the eagle trail around the zoo. Meanwhile, we crossed Fullerton heading north. That was the last I saw of the visitor, Duck Duck Fuck. Somewhere around here, we also lost Corn Star with our Hash Cash. Oooops. Meanwhile Just Mary led us through the neighborhood streets until Lincoln. On Lincoln we headed north on both sides of the street and Horn-E finally took the lead as we hit Webster. Trail led through Oz Park and eventually the hill where the true FRBs were waiting and drinking beer. MIA were Chicken Stifer, Duck Duck Fuck & Corn Star. We finally finished our beer and headed back to the bar where we found the first two sitting on a pitcher of beer and staring at TV. Boring. We made the beer stop and enjoyed our first beers outside in the fresh air. Stay on trail and don’t assume you know what the hares are doing. Those tricky bastards could be up to almost anything.
Corn Star finally arrived with the cash and the beer started to flow. We headed into the beer/smoking tent in back and thankfully the TV wasn’t plugged in so we could enjoy a circle without interruption. We did call out the hares frequently and often. And then the visitors Vote For Pedro and Duck Duck Cock. Vote For Pedro also brought two virgins, Just Melissa and Just Jason who both enjoyed the hash. Mr. After Midnight arrived late, but still did a run and was good and sweaty and thirsty. We were also joined by Just Mo who didn’t run and the usual Its Too Soft. Who else ran trail? The Dark Kunt, Wrapper Snatcher, Lifa, Slippery Box, and Crop Duster. Calvin Klein arrived way, way late, but he did buy more beer.
soft.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 23 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

Hared by Virgin Banger and Corn Star from the Jefferson Inn. We had 20 hounds at the start, but Horn-E was still injured and just walked to the beer stop and back, following trail. That was about two miles. The rest of the pack, 19 hounds, took off following trail. What happened is hard to tell, but a short time after I got to the beer stop at the home of former hasher Blue Balls, we saw Licker Leash coming followed by the FBI Five Hole Failure. About ten of them made it in, but where were the rest. It was at least ten minutes before the rest of the pack arrived led, or led astray, by Or G. All made it except Just Ray who pulled a muscle running down some alley. Which muscle and how many times I don’t know and I won’t ask. But we didn’t loose any virgins this time and the one we lost last week, Just Mo, did return. She likes it more, now that she didn’t get lost.
Back at the bar, Fistful Of Pricks got the beer flowing and then took over as RA. This was the first time I saw her do this. Did she do a good job? Hell no. But then no one does their first time or two. But she did a credible job and we can look forward to her improving with practice. She did a good job of naming Just Sarah. Just Sarah is leaving us and we wanted to give her a going away name, especially since her destination, New York, isn’t known for giving names. So we worked her over with questions. Spit or swallow, favorite farm animal, she likes it on top. Most embarrassing sexual experience, etc. But something rang a bell with the masses about partners from other countries. Like four of them. And so her name forever more will be know as Foreign My Twat. I good one.
We also had the return of Necrophilia. Good. Now do it again. We had a virgin or two. Just Amanda, who didn’t seem to intimidated by our singing and Just Doug. Or was it Just Gordon. All right. One had hashed before and they came together. And after a few drinks I can’t keep anything straight. But I did keep Amanda straight. We also had a walk in new hasher to the area. Mr. After Midnight from the Ankara Hash in Turkey. Now all of you virgins and those that haven’t been here for some time, RETURN.
Who else ran. Goldilocks, Its Too Soft, Glory Hole, Bloody Thighs, Ernest Cumingway, Just Cindy, Man O’Whore, and Crop Duster. And who were the groupies. Wang Chunks, Ice Princess, Soul Taco, and Mudsucker

The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 12 Aug 2010 by Horn-E

This was set by Soul Taco and Fistful Of Pricks out of Bob Inn. I first spotted this place over ten years ago and wanted to hare here with one of our ex GMs, B. O. B. But they didn’t have pitchers. Still don’t. But the ladies arranged a price of $2.50/16oz. About $10/normal pitcher. But it is what it is. I counted 18 hashers at the start, two hares and one injured hasher, Fall On My Wood, who walked off with Fistful Of Pricks to the beer stop. I followed the sweep hare, Soul Taco in an attempt to do part of the trail with my lame knee. So, there were 15 hounds. The purpose of this trail apparently was to run the local boulevards. And that is right where they headed. Straight to California and then straight south to Armitage, then straight west to Humboldt. I left Soul Taco to catch up to the pack in her sweeping and took a short cut over to Humboldt, just in time to see what I believe were some of the leaders of the pack across Humboldt heading north. I saw Greasy Spurn coming back from a Split and heading north to Palmer Square. Lifa was short cutting across the parkland. So I followed and got to the corner of Palmer Square and Kedzie with no one in sight, behind or in front. Problem with long straights on a trail, and this trail had them, is that the pack gets strung out with the FRBs getting way in front and the mid or back pack gets out of sight and they fall further behind having to solve the checks themselves instead of using Checks for points to catch up. But I was on trail. I crossed Kedzie Boulevard and saw the trail heading south west. being a lame walker and with a few hints from Soul Taco, I headed north. Smart move. within a block I saw Dark Side Of The Poon running by a Check and heading into the Kedzie Parkland and across the Boulevard and then north. He was followed by Greasy Spurn. At Fullerton, trail kept going north and I enjoyed walking the parkland as I noticed Lifa and Just Cindy heading north for two more blocks to a Check at Logan Square. I headed there and found the Check, but they were long gone. Knowing that the beer stop was straight east on Logan Boulevard, and with my leg getting sore, I headed straight east on the north side of Logan Boulevard. The FRBs were no where in sight and probably already at the beer stop, 3/4 of a mile straight ahead. After several blocks, Ass Capades and Slippery Box came along. I told them that I wasn’t on, but Ass Capades said he know of several hashers who lived that way and was short cutting and hoping to pick correctly. This is hashing? I walked on and a block later I found an arrow turning onto the path I was on. Back on trail I walked on. Eventually near California there was a loop a block north to Schubert and two blocks east and back to Logan Boulevard. While I walked alone, the rest of the pack came along and just kept heading straight to the beer stop. Aren’t these supposed to be a hidden spot? But we all had a beer and apparently Sin Calzones lived there. Everyone made it including the virgin, Just Jill. Wait, there was a second virgin, Just Mo. MIA. We found her back at the bar eating a Crispy Creme donut from across the street while she waited for the pack. At least she waited. Her sister from Calif. is a hasher so maybe she’ll give us another chance.
And the beer started to flow, PBR 16s. The circle was called by Lifa and we gathered around the pool table. We naturally got the hares for that S H I T T Y T R A I L. We were also introduced to out visitor from Columbus, Duck Duck Cock. Our FRB was Dark Side Of The Poon, but he skipped that last loop like he knew where he was going, and just beat out Greasy Spurn who actually ran trail. Horn-E got DFL, again for doing that last loop while all of the tail enders skipped ahead. Then we called out our two virgins, Just Jill and Just Mo. Welcome and please come back. Other hounds on trail included, Way To Much Jism, Soggy Deposits, Muffin The Mule, Salty Gash and Mouthful Of Meat. The non running wussies who only came for the beer included Wang Chunks, Glory Hole, EZ On The Ass and Its Too Soft.
Sin Calzones also joined us at the beer stop.

On On
Horn-E