Chicago Hash House Harriers

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1437

Tale of the Trail 5/8/06

The Trail was set by the CH3 RA Stump Humper. It began promptly at 7:30 pm from Joe s bar. We were joined on trail by 3 new virgins, Just Shannon, Just Justin, and Just Kerry, welcome to the hash folks and come back soon, don t let our antics scare you off. Stumpy lead the circle in a Spanish rendition of a chalk talk and then we were off. Rhotan was soon out in front, after the pack was almost decimated by the quick right turn across Foster. Thank God for all the kind Chicago drivers that let the Chicken cross the road. The Hash strong with 30 + traveled south along the Ravenswood tracks and it arrived at the first split, EZ on the ASS called left, and the pack went under the tracks. There is some wild story going around that Just Adrien has some interesting work out videos at home. What kind of workout that is we just don t know?? Again the pack found the trail by following the street light shine off of Rhotans cranium and then we were across Clark heading
towards the lake.
The trail had several splits but it seems Spotted Cock, Just Justin, and Just Jeff were up to the challenge in tracking it down. Thankfully the virgins did not follow the Horn of Horn-e otherwise they would have been lost on trail because he was never seen again. Some how out on trail Smelly Concha joined the pack even though he was not at the circle, glad to see you back. Magnetic Muff was her usually metronome self keeping those feet of hers hot on the trail of the hare. Calvin and Batteries not Included were seen checking in and then out of a nearby hotel in only two minutes, but they still had enough energy to finish the trail, ON-ON you two. The usually trio of Bloody Thighs, CP, and Just Do Me Slowly were going through their progression of talk, check hang, talk, check hang and complain that the beer stop is too far away. After a long trail we came to the beer stop found by Just Shannon, pretty sad for the pack when a virgin finds the beer first. Now if she
just had the key to open the trunk and get the beer she could have been named on the spot as Key Master .
Stump Humper finally arrived when the pack was resting on the hill by the tracks and doled out the precious juice of the Gods, beer . She also hung up a Pi ata that was whacked at by Mouthful of Meat and Asshopper. The pi ata contained some very cool looking balloons?? A hasher named Rearloader became our first NRB by walking the trail backward to the beer stop. The hash lounged around for 15 minutes on the side of the hill drinking beer in 70 degree weather, isn t this the way life is supposed to be? before they ran for the ON IN.
The ON IN saw the arrival of several other NRB s, Smell This, Sit on my Rod, Red Snapper, Peter Built, Boner, and Balls-a-lotta-Pus. The hash was treated to a feast presented by Hash Mom and Dad Mrs. Just Jessica and Mr. Just Arnie, I wish had had parents like this. The hash stuffed their collective faces with beans, salsa, chips, and of course more BEER!! The circle was started and EZ on the ASS was finally awarded his 10 run lanyard and whistle, congrats. Mouthful of Meat made the usually short story long accusation, but the circle moment came when Hand Solo tried to steal our hash flag. The flag was defended by our own Smelly Concha. Waukesha must be short of funds because they need to resort to stealing to get their own hash gear. It s to Soft arrived around 10 o clock but with no camera so is he still considered Japanese without it?? The RA s were praised for their adept control of the weather, which also brought Nuclear into the circle because when one RA
drinks all RA s drink. Overall the hash couldn t have been any better with 40 + hashers, 5 Virgins, FOOOOOOOD, 5 free pitchers, FOOOOD, great weather, shitty trail, and good circle. Next week the hash will run out of BEAUMONTS at 2020 N. Halsted see all of you there.

Chicken

Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM

4/9/06 HASH TRASH for #1432

After a lively Mismanagement meeting about twenty-five harriers hit the trail set by Virgin Banger and Chicken Stiffer. They were joined on trail by honored guests PMS, Disco Ass, and Postage Tramp from the Big Hump Hash. We also welcomed Peacemaker from the London hash, ON ON visitors. After a quick circle that introduced two new marks to the hash called Eagle and Super Eagle the Harriers let out a collective groan, but started off on trail. Calvin true to the “FRB” that he is carried the flag to the front of the pack and was soon out of whistle range. The trail headed south away from the Lincoln Square neighborhood, and on Lincoln Ave., near the Jewel, the Pack got stymied by a tough check. 69 cent man called ON ON but soon tripped over the false that was marked heading south. Rearloader headed north but came back saying kind things about the fine trail that was laid by the hares. True trail was eventually found by Coffer, Tea or Me and Barks On All Fours even though they were handicapped with a baby buggy. From this point Milk My Yak assumed the position of FRB and took off down an alley. He was followed closely by the usually check hangers of Just Do me Slowly, Two Handed Stroke, CP, Cums in my Asphalt, and Eric the Red.

Soon the hash passed under Ravenswoods Advocate Hospital walkway and was on their way to the next major check on Damen and Montrose. Before they could get there they had to run through an apartment parking lot dodging garbage and verbal barbs thrown down by an irate Cardinal fan upset at the first two losses. At the next major check It’s Too Soft and Ballsalottapuss were found trying to catch the bus back to O’Lanagan’s but they were out of money so they offered to pay in Ass but EZ was no where to be found. On the trail went over the Metra line and back but it seemed that every split Virtually Hung took was a dead-end. The trail turned back south after going north along the tracks and Mudsucker was spotted again harassing young harrierettes on trail. Muff and Stroke rebuffed his advances and pushed on, sorry Mudsucker I call them as I see them. Finally the Hash found the beer stop at Virgin Bangers place where Pussy Galore, Mr. Cheesecake, Batteries not Included, and proprietor, Rent-a-Virgin were enjoying the sun and the beer. The irony of this whole twisted mess is that Peacemaker who walked the whole damn thing still beat the Cardinal fans into the beer stop this must be a bad omen for the redbirds this year.

The hash made it back to O’Lanagan’s where the circle was called and accusations were made. Our fine visitors from the Hump were made to drink early and often by RA, Calvin, So sorry for the SWEEP. The Circle questioned the absence of Horn-e and made Milk My Yak drink by proxy. Peacemaker serenaded us before he left for Mardi Gras in New Orleans, does he know it is already over??? Much drinking and singing were done and the hash seemed please by the end of the circle.

ON ON

CHICKEN STIFFER